#572 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to my grumbling tummy. So welcome to jasonnewland.com, that's my website. Check it out baby, and this is let me bore you to sleep.

Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. And my name's Jason Newland. Probably way more information than you ever wanted to hear, but it's okay, it's okay.

There you go. I wonder what I'm going to talk about today. I was a bit warm in here, but it's okay, it's okay, I don't mind.

I guess in a sense I've chosen for it to be this temperature earlier on. Because it's now, it's near the end of the day, on Sunday the 4th, 3rd of January, 2020. I actually went to bed about 9, 9.30 in the evening, and I was asleep.

Fast asleep, dreaming, and I was woken up by a ferret knocking around a bit, a big piece of, I don't know what you want to call it, foam, polystyrene, this stuff they put in packaging, you know when they deliver, they, whoever they are. So you get in delivery boxes, you know, to keep the contents of that particular package in one place, I guess, so it doesn't move around and get damaged. I forgot it was even there, it was right at the back of the room in the bedroom.

You know, it's out of the way, with a box in front of it, and it was there, the carpet cleaning machine was in front of it, and there was something else in front of it as well. So, he hasn't touched it at all, for however long it's been there. All I can think of is he wanted me to be awake, because when I woke up, I turned the light on, and he was staring at me, he was nowhere near the actual thing, and I was trying to figure out what it was he was playing at, and I could see what it was he'd been scratching and, you know, moving around.

So, it was his way of waking me up, and I've seen him do it before, it might sound like I'm just, you know, making it up, maybe sort of kind of adding a personality onto an animal, and you know, all that stuff. I've seen him do it.

Not that particular thing, but, you know, I've seen him in the morning, you know, especially in the summer when it's really light early, and I'll be laying there on my right side so I can see the rest of the room if I open my eyes, so I'm lying there asleep, and I get woken up, and I just, like, open my eyes, like, what's going on, and I see him staring at me, just standing there, but he's staring at me, and I'm thinking, oh, okay, maybe it wasn't him, but he can't see that my eyes are

open, because it's still quite dark, you know, it's light, but not light, like curtains are drawn, and then I see him, he starts banging the door to the shed, like pushing it and letting it close shut, banging, he does it a couple of times, and then he looks at me again, and I don't move, and I'm still laying there with my eyes partly open, just so I could see him, and he walks up to the bed, looks at me, see if he can sort of see if I'm awake, so I sort of keep my eyes

quite closed, you know, I can just about see him, and he goes back and starts pushing the door again of the shed to bang a couple of times, and then he looks back at me again, so I know that he does it, I know he used to do it with the wardrobe door, he used to get underneath it, pull it open, let it slam shut, and then stare at me, I mean, other times he's more blatant, he'll actually climb onto the bed, and, you know, lick my face, nibble on my eye, around my eye, gently,

but you know, it's enough, he punched me in the face a few times I've seen, and then sometimes he'll bite my toes, I mean once he actually sat on my face, okay that sounds weird, but he kind of laid, I mean, on my face, just trying to get me to wake up, so he's a clever little boy, but there's a fine line between being a clever ferret and being a really annoying ferret, so yeah, I ended up getting up out of bed, I had to move the polystyrene thing out of the way, so he couldn't

do that again, and he wanted something for me, but I didn't know what it was, I went into the kitchen, he followed me into the kitchen, and he went into his place that he normally stands when he wants an egg, basically standing near the fridge, so I got him an egg, and he had that, and he was happy, I have to break the egg for him now, because he's too lazy, see like a couple of years ago, he would knock the egg all around the flat, push it against the skirting board, against doors, until he

could break it open, now he doesn't bother, by giving the egg as it is, in the shell, you know, he'll try and get to it for about two minutes, he just gives up and just leaves it, and sometimes he'll just sit there and stare at me, so I just break it for him, he knows how to do it, he just can't be bothered, it's too lazy, I think it might just because he's getting older now, he can't stand on both legs, like before he used to be able to stand on his back legs, standing up,

almost like begging for stuff, or just standing straight up with his hands, by you know, in front of him looking at something, or sniffing, or trying to do something, now he loses balance and he falls over, so he hasn't got the strength in his back legs that he used to have, which is probably, you know, just due to his age, it's a little bit sad, a little bit, just to see how he hasn't got, I don't know, just, he can't do all the things that he used to be able to do, you know, three years

ago, he'd be able to jump up onto this settee, easily, now he doesn't even attempt it, he just sits down and stares at me, waiting for me to pick him up, so I don't know if it's because he, I'm not sure if it's he can't do it, or he thinks that he's just controlling me, because whenever he stops and stares at me, I, I give him attention, I pick him up, and I see him to do the things that he wants me to do, if he wants me to change his water, he knows how to

get me to do that, he knows how to get me to change his food, or give him some food, he knows how to get me to go take him for a walk, he knows how to get me to give him an egg, he knows how to get me to pick him up, so I guess, why would he need to bother doing anything for himself, because I'm here to do it all for him, yes, I suppose it makes sense, in a way, in a way, but then I'm lazy, I can't be bothered to cook food, and

I'm hungry, and I've got food, and I don't want to cook, can't be bothered, generally cannot be bothered, I'm hungry, my stomach's rumbling, and all I'm doing is eating breakfast cereal, because it's easy, and it's quick, and it's temporarily filling, can't be bothered, don't want to go into the kitchen, and spend, and it's so easy, I could just turn the oven on, wait 10, 15 minutes, go back in, put something in the oven, for half an hour, and I could just, even if it's just a sausage sandwich, or sausage toasted sandwich, easy, I could do

that so easily, I've got stuff in the freezer that I could cook, and have a meal, I've got potatoes, I've got frozen veg, I've got tins of beans, anything that I need really, but what I really want is someone to do it for me, very lazy, and I'm not really, this is quite a new thing for me, you know, I've lived on my own for a long, long, long, long, long, long time, and always cooked for myself, never anything glamorous, very basic, basic food, you know, potatoes, maybe some veg, and something to go with it,

that's kind of it, I've never been, never made myself a curry, or I've never made myself a shepherd's pie, all the things you can get in a frozen meal for one, which are very basic meals that a lot of people would cook for themselves, maybe not if it's just them, but you know, maybe if there's two people, you'd maybe, possibly cook it, never done that, and I could, I know how to, I'm just too lazy, you know, making a shepherd's pie is easy, you know, it couldn't be anything simpler really, I went to catering college

when I was 16, and I've worked in catering, I know how to, just basic simple things, like lasagnas, and I know how to do that stuff, but I can't be bothered, it's weird, really, really got lazy, to the point where I was sitting here, weak with hunger, and I still won't do anything, still won't cook anything, I just don't get it, I don't get it at all, it's very strange, I'll just have a drink, the little flat table I've got, which is like a thing that you put over the bed, you know, that you can

eat on, for some reason it's started to slant, so things are starting to slide, which is weird, it's almost like there's a poltergost, moving stuff around, so yeah, new year, new year, this is probably the least new year-ish that I've ever felt, genuinely, it feels like a continuation, a complete continuation of the last year, that doesn't feel fresh at all, and this is my positive time of the year, January, new, it's not even about new resolutions really, it's new energy, like okay, let's get going, let's put more effort into what I'm doing, or let's start

a new business, or something, I'm going back years and years, but there's always been something that I've been putting time into, and in all honesty, I think if it wasn't for the lockdown that my area's in, I'd be able to go and get something to eat, and it doesn't necessarily cost that much really, you know, you could go and buy, go and get something to eat for like £6 or something, or buy a sandwich in Greggs, just you know, something, because I go through these lazy periods, I went through a period when all I ate,

literally all I ate was out, I was renting this room, £125 a week it was costing me, I don't know why, I can't get that out of my head, because this flat costs £85 a week, so it gives you an idea of the difference in cost, now I know this is council, so it wouldn't cost £85 a week if it was private, it cost, I don't know, probably, yeah, probably moving on to probably about £150 a week, something like that, but I, if not more, but when I had that room, there was a shared kitchen,

and I just didn't, I went through a period where I thought, I just can't stand being in a kitchen with other people anymore, you know, I've just done it so many times, and because I was living so close to town, I could get everything I wanted, so I was basically living on sandwiches from Greggs, pretty much all week long, and I did have milk in the fridge, and I had breakfast cereal, and other than that, that was it, so I'd be eating, I would, I'd get sandwiches, sausage rolls, drinks, and stuff like that, and I'd

bring it home after working, and I'd have them in the evening, and then on a Sunday, as a treat, I would go to the KFC, get a big bargain bucket full of stuff, popcorn, sweetcorn, drink, fries, and you know, the whole, whole shebang, or bangity-bang-bang, and that's what I'd do on a Sunday afternoon, so, you know, I kind of miss being close to town, because during these extremely lazy moments, I could just make use of the resources that I don't have here, because there's nothing here, there is a farm shop, okay, not far away, but

it is expensive, you know, a piece of cake, it's like £3.

70, something stupid like that, just a slice of cake, sausage roll, like £2. 30, or £2. 50, I bought a bag of sugar, tiny, tiny bag, and it wasn't even a proper sugar bag, it was in a clear bag with a label on it, I guess sourced locally, tiny little bit of sugar, half of a small bag, yeah, and it was nearly two pound, like twice the size of that sugar would cost 50 pence, in a supermarket, so you get an idea that's really just too expensive, I go in there every now and then, when I've got no food, and I'm just like, oh my goodness, I only come in here for some milk, loaf of bread, and something to put inside, and I end up spending like £2.

50, it's like what, and they don't do margarine, they do butter, the type that you can't do anything with, you try and butter bread with it, in fact you even try, you could try and put butter on a plate of steel, and it would still make holes in the steel, that's how hard the butter is, I mean butter, what is it for, I mean I can only think two things that butter can be used for, you know, cooking, slash baking, you know you could use butter for that stuff, baking cakes, and also sometimes I suppose

if you're frying things and cooking and stuff, but outside of that, it's to spread isn't it, on bread, or toast, or if you've locked yourself out of your car, you could use it to chuck through the window and break the window with it, it's that hard, I mean honestly, when I was walking home, with my shopping, I'd never felt safer than I did, when I had that bar of butter in my carrier bag, it's basically like carrying around a brick, it's like I felt safe, because I knew if anything happened, that bar of butter would

save me, in fact, all I've got to do is just pull it out of the bag, and anyone that caused me, or wanted to cause harm, they'd run away screaming, he's got butter, run, don't look back, run, as of course if the person was running backwards, run forwards, there's chance of banging into things, okay, and seriously I got some butter from them, I put it, right, it was the hottest day of the year, I filled the bath up with hot water, I floated like a dish on top of the water, and put the butter on

top, when I went back, the water had dehydrated, or hydrated, disappeared, completely dried up, butter intact, if anything, it was harder, I just personally think, you shouldn't be able to eat butter, and be able to chip your tooth, it just doesn't seem correct, now I'm not anti-butter, in fact, I would say I like butter, I like the taste generally, not a big fan of the Irish one, the green, not all Irish butter, just a specific one, it's a little bit too rich for me, golden berry, or dairy, or something, but I quite like, you know,

butter itself, it's nice, but I prefer margarine, I really do, once you add some margarine, it was a buttery spread, which is olive oil, supposed to be healthy, again, I couldn't use it on bread, because it just broke the bread up, and some might say, well, how are you actually spreading onto the bread, are you putting all your weight on it, are you using a bread knife, with the serrated edge facing down, no I'm not, I'm not doing any of those things, just using a normal knife, and if I can, I use a butter knife,

I don't always have access to the butter knife, because it may be in the sink, and technically I could have access to it, if I put my hand in the sink and got it, but it's not really about the sink, it's not even really about the knife, the butter knife, it's about the butter itself, and this, this wasn't even butter, this was spread, olive oil spread, hard, as rock, I mean, it wasn't hard as rock, that's an exaggeration, but it was hard, it was unpleasant, and it's just these lumps, and the thing is right, okay,

right, bear with me here, it's a buttery spread, made with olive oil, which is supposed to be much better, cholesterol wise, I can understand that, in a sense of, if it's spread evenly, but if it's a bunch of lumps of butter, spread, you know, so you look on the bread, and there's just lumps of bread, and there's, you know, half holy bread as well, I don't mean religious, then you're eating a lump of this stuff, which tastes nice, but from a calorific, uh, fatty depositing exercise, I imagine it's not such a great idea, of course

I might be wrong, never have been yet, but there's always a chance, hmm, so, I just don't know what to think, I don't know, so yeah, I've got, um, would be nice, just to have food, just delivered to me, um, I don't think that's, yeah, it would be nice, I just never had it really, so it's not something that I miss, because the last time I regularly had food, cooked for me, was when I was probably 14, so it's been, you know, it's been a while, oh wow, what's that, 14, 24, 34, 44, so 36

years, 37 years, 36 years, whatever, it's quite a few days, so it's not like I'm missing something, it's just that I quite like, oh, just like a fried breakfast would be nice, and I know that that's not necessarily the healthiest thing I could eat, I don't eat fried breakfasts, you know, hardly ever, so when I do eat, it's, okay, I drink coke, so, it's almost, I guess, but the most unhealthy drink you could drink, so that's not good, as far as stuff, I don't eat chocolate, which isn't good, I guess, but, I don't eat lard,

of course, we all eat lard, don't we, but other than that, yeah, I can't really say the word, I eat healthily, but I don't eat, like, really unhealthily when I cook, I know that bread is supposed to be pretty, not the greatest thing to eat, but, and milk, apparently, you're not supposed to drink milk, really, but I've been doing that for, since I was born, really, it's been a staple of my diet, bread and milk, margarine or butter, whatever, on the bread, I'm not saying that all I do is eat bread and milk, or I

dip the bread into the milk, no, but it's definitely been a part of my diet over the years, but then so is water, I've been a big drinker of water, bottled water, all the way from my late, yeah, from my late teens, so, yeah, from adults, from the age of 17 or something, 18, I've been drinking bottled water, so I've probably drunk more water than the average person over this period, but a lot of that was, especially in my 20s, is because I didn't have any money, so water was cheap to buy, so I'd be

drinking water, and, you know, I'd have some milk, so one of my routines, not a routine, really, but I'd work, I'd get home in the evening, and depending upon how hungry I was, you know, sometimes I'd take an apple to work, to eat on the way home, so it'd be something, you know, just something to munch on, I'd get home, but then, you know, sometimes I would get a chocolate bar, but that would be it, I wouldn't eat any chocolate in the evening, or during the day, or anything like that, it'd just be something to

keep me going until I actually had my dinner, my evening meal, I'd buy a pint of milk, or maybe two, if I need one for the morning, and I would, I'd have that pint of milk with my, with my meal, so every evening I'd have a pint of milk, out of a bottle, they used to sell them in bottles back then, and I used to then get home, depending on whether, again, I was sharing a kitchen, so it was a case of cooking when there was no one else around, really, so if someone else was

using the oven, I couldn't really, you know, use it myself, because I didn't know how long their stuff had been in, and sometimes I'd have it on a different temperature, you see, pretty much every, everywhere I've lived, if I've had something in the oven, other people would put their stuff in the oven as well, and they'd put the oven on the temperature that they wanted, that seems to be a standard behaviour that I didn't, wasn't a big fan of, because my stuff would then perhaps burn, or be undercooked, because they might put it on a

lower temperature, I think I've even had people take my stuff out of the oven, and then I think someone put it out, took it out of the oven, thinking that I just left it in there, you know, and they needed to use it.

It happened in a laundrette once, not food taken out of the oven, but I came into the laundrette, and the laundrette was around the corner from where I lived, went in there, put my stuff in the washing machine, I left, and then I came back, you know, half an hour later, or 40 minutes later, to find my clothes on top of another washing machine, in, basically, and there was washing powder all over the top of the washing machine, my wet clothes were just there, being taken out, and someone else was using that washing machine, and

so I started saying, who did that, to people, because the place was full, and the lady said it was me, and we had an argument, I said, don't you ever do that again, I said, if you could have done it, there's baskets there, why couldn't you put them in a basket, you don't put it on the top of a dirty washing machine, and she kicked me in the nuts, so I put my stuff in the tumble dryer, and luckily, I think I managed to get rid of most of the flakes of washing powder, because I

really just chucked my stuff on the top, what are you doing, firstly, I don't really want people to see my clothes, because, you know, best intentions, with the best intentions, not all washing machines can get all stains out of all clothes, so I don't really want my, I don't know, just saying, I didn't want my, I didn't even want my clean laundry aired in public, then I'd use the tumble dryer, and my normal thing is I'd put the tumble dryer on, I'd put maybe four pound or five pound in, knowing that the tumble dryer would

keep going for about 20, 25, 30 minutes, and then I'd go off, and I'd come back, but not that day I didn't, because I thought, oh okay, especially as I put the money into the machine, so chances are I'd come back, my clothes would be on top of the washing machine again, still wet, and so I would have used the tumble dryer, using up the credit that I'd put in, but never been so angry, never been so angry, like yes, yeah, so yeah, that was not a huge, I'm not a huge fan of laundrettes, although

I've had a couple of interesting experiences in a laundrette, one was I met a girlfriend, well someone that ended up being my girlfriend, this was in Stratford, and weird thing is, she was almost, she's also rather a comedian, she was a stand-up comedian, like me, I was like, wow, the chances of that happening in a laundrette is very, very slim, and basically she was talking to the laundrette lady, and I come in, and I'm just waiting behind, because the laundrette lady did my washing every week, where I was there, so, I was extra specially nice

to her, you know, yeah, I went out of my way to keep her happy, you don't upset someone who upsets you, who washes your underwear, you've got to keep them sweet, and show them respect, I don't even like, I don't even like touching my own underwear, even when they're clean, because I know where they've been, and I know where they're going, and this, I can't even remember her name, this female, so what was I, probably 25 at the time, she was 20, probably about 22, 23, 24, about the same, maybe older, I don't know, same

kind of age, and she was talking about how she had a gig to go to, or something, a comedy club, she was talking to the laundrette lady, I was going to call her the dandruff lady, the laundrette lady, dandruff, laundrette, they're not even similar words are they, and I started saying to her, oi, I'm a comedian as well, she said really, I said yes, so I invited her to come to my gig that night, because I had a gig on, yeah, so I was getting my washing done probably, probably midday, probably in the morning actually,

to collect it for about four, and then my gig was in the evening, so, and she didn't live that far away from me, so we ended up, I took her to my gig with me, which was, oh wow, it's quite a long distance away, and the gig went, it went really, it didn't go very well, but I think part of that is because I wasn't very good, so there, no, it was my second gig, the first one, I didn't get paid, it was a try out, and it went really well, which is probably, six months

before that one, so this was a paid gig, and the lady that ran it was called Dolly, and she was my friend, and she gave me quite a few gigs, she had these comedy nights around, more like the outskirts of London, Hertfordshire, Middlesex, and like to be really, well, it felt like the middle of nowhere sometimes, so I'd get a train, quite often they were overground trains, so they'd start off on underground and end up overground, that's the beginning of the Womble song, isn't it, underground, overground, Wombles are we, the Wombles of Wimbledon, and over

them three, so she gave me all these paid gigs, and I remember during the actual show, or while I was on stage, I said I don't know what to do, and Dolly shouted out, tell some jokes, I was like okay, I forgot, and I think part of it was because I was focusing on this new lady that I'd just met, who was technically kind of a new girlfriend, we did see each other for a bit, so it didn't last a long time, but I suppose it wasn't one of those like, I love you, I love

you too, oh, it wasn't one of those, there was no emotion, yeah, there was zero emotions really, shared, it was, I don't know what it was, but it was, it was partially fun at times, and I was a bit embarrassed, because, well imagine, you invite someone to a public performance that you're going to be publicly performing at, I wanted to be good, I wanted to impress her, and I didn't impress anyone, I really didn't, in fact, I think one of my, once it started, I started saying, do you ever get one of those days when

you're at work, and you just can't be bothered to do anything, you get to work, and you're just reading the paper, and you're doing zero work, you just can't be asked, so that's how I'm feeling right now, I'm just reading the paper really, I'm not, I know you're all out there wanting jokes and stuff, but I can't be bothered, I just, and I was going on about, lucky I'm not a surgeon, isn't it, and just, some people were laughing, but I was just, I didn't know, I just, I think my jokes just disappeared from my,

from my memory for a short time, but I did rescue it, it turned out, because I started making fun of myself being rubbish, so that, I kind of, but it was, it was a very poor performance, but it was, I got paid, which is weird, it's a similar thing happened at the, another club that I did, probably a few years earlier, or I don't know when it was, but I did this gig, and it was really, really good, well, for me, it went well, went well, and it's one of the hardest gigs on the circus,

so yeah, I was quite pleased, and I got told, yeah, you can, you get a paid gig, come back, 50 quid, for 10 minutes, or for 15 minutes, or something, like 10, I think it's probably 10, 50 quid, wow, and I came back, I called him, in the week, and he gave me a gig, probably three months later, went back, it didn't, I didn't go down, I didn't completely bomb, but it wasn't as good, it was probably 50%, as good as the original one, so I had maybe, I had some people laughing, and some people

just, you know, but it's well known for being an aggressive comedy club, so if it didn't like you, they'd start chucking stuff, and that didn't happen with me, so they must have, at the very least, accepted my existence, in fact, the biggest laugh I got, is when the host of the show, was at the side of the stage, urinating into a bucket, while I was on stage, so that, so I did get some good laughs, I didn't realise it was him they were laughing at, but when I get off stage, and I'm just, I go

up to say goodbye, to the person who runs the club, I was embarrassed, you know, and I didn't go very well, so I just, but I said thank you, anyway thanks, and I'm going, take care, and he said wait a minute, and he gave me 50 quid, I was like, I genuinely wasn't even going to ask for the money, because I didn't feel that I deserved it, because it didn't go particularly well, he didn't care, he had fun, he's the one that was, you know, doing his stuff in the bucket, I thought, oh okay, wow,

and that's the most I ever earn for one gig, 50 quid, bearing in mind this was in the sort of early 90s, maybe 93, 94, probably about 93, 50 quid is half a week's earnings, for me, I was earning just over a hundred pound a week, working full time, so 50 pound was a big chunk of cash for me back then, to be fair 50 quid's still a big chunk of cash for me, and to get that for 10 minutes work, it wasn't even work, it was just 10 minutes of being below average, on stage,

in front of probably 400 people, and I was like, wow, Up the Creek, that's the comedy club Up the Creek, Malcolm Hardy was the man, very famous comedian in London, on the London circuit, he was hugely famous, hugely well known for his antics, and the stuff he used to get up to, he didn't care, but it was lovely, but he was absolutely crazy on stage, he'd do some, I've just, I've seen lots of times, some of the weirdest things you'd expect, I can't even tell you, because of how rude they were, but one of the,

I think he's, one of his trademark things is to say, oi, oi, just get on stage, oi, oi, I think he introduced me as, the next act's name's Jason, he's got one name, Jason, might be good, might be shit, Jason, and that was it, and he'd walk off, and I'd get on, that was his introduction to me, on the first gig I had, and it was like, wow, it was actually, it was an experience, because Up the Creek was known to be, I think it used to be called the Tunnel Club, and it was horrible

then, you know, people used to chuck bottles at the acts, and everything, this was more, it was the same, it was the same crowd, I think, but they were more verbal than anything else, so there'd be a lot of heckling, a lot of shouting, off, off, off, and stuff like that, I didn't get that, so for me, in a way, it was a success, because I didn't get, I didn't, I didn't get removed from the, from the stage.

Another weird thing that happened in a laundrette, and this was during, yeah, this is, let me think, yeah, this is when I was at college, on a massage course, I was doing a course, which was full time, doing massage, what else, reflexology, and, what's the other one, the smelly one, um, I can't remember the name of it, it's weird, isn't it, but it was basically a complementary therapies course, and aromatherapy, that's it, so, as part of it was anatomy, and, I guess, first aid, I think, was probably part of it, and Indian head massage, which

I never got to learn, but I did the massage course, and I didn't finish the course, but I did a lot of practicing with the massage, with people outside, not in the street, but people that I kind of, that I knew, and also with the reflexology, the aromatherapy, because it was a lot more to it, with all the mixing of the oils and stuff, they started teaching us that, and that was going to be going into the next term, and also anatomy as well, so it's pretty full on, and like I always have done in

the past, if I start learning something new, I would buy every book I could get hold of, so with anatomy, every book, reflexology, every book I could get, so I definitely knew my way around a foot, and all the different parts, and, you know, what is supposed to correlate with each other, you know, like your organs, or your parts of your body, and I was in the laundrette at that time, so it would have been, I don't know, whenever I had time to go to the laundrette, and a lady comes in, early 20s probably, and

I don't know, she's waiting for a washing machine to be finished, or whatever, but I ended up massaging her feet, and she had, I think she had back pain due to her, yeah, for whatever reason, so, and I ended up, and she was, so I'm in the laundrette, with this beautiful woman, with her feet off, and I'm massaging her feet, and it was only afterwards, when we'd said goodbye, that I thought, well, I'm, perhaps I might have been able to ask her out, on a date, she might have liked me, and I'm just thinking, in

order to allow a complete stranger, you know, to take your shoes off, and your socks off, or, I don't know if she had shoes and socks, she might have had sandals, or no socks, I can't remember, but in order to allow a complete stranger, to massage your feet, there's, you're probably going to have to like that person, in order to allow that to happen, so I think I missed an opportunity there, slightly, slightly missed an opportunity, but the thing is, because I was being professional, however weird it might sound, and I've been interested in helping

people with pain relief, for a long time, ever since I learned hypnosis, so, you know, I was already a hypnotist at that point, I'd already done hypnosis for people to help them with different things, so for me, this was another way, to help to reduce pain, so I jumped at the opportunity, and I was being professional, completely, you know, while her foot was in my hand, I was focusing on trying to reduce her pain, but generally that's what my focus was, that's what I was trying to do, that was my entire intention, now, if I

was on a date, and then at the end of the date, we end up sitting on a sofa, in a living room, mine or hers, and I offer a foot massage, or she asks for a foot massage, I'll admit that, while I'm rubbing her feet, I'm not feeling very professional at that moment, I'm not thinking about, I'm not thinking as a therapist, because it's a different scenario, scenario, I'm probably more likely thinking, upon if I'll get a cuddle, or if she'll let me hold her hand, you know, which I wasn't thinking about, when I was

in the laundrette, I wonder if that's strange or not, I really need to be told, because I'm not sure, I can't judge it for myself, right, anyway, so that's the story of the laundrette, so, I hope I've managed to bore you to sleep, thank you for listening, remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy, lots of love, bye.