#561 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Yes, that's it.

Oh dear, a little bit tired, a little bit tired. Oh, that's weird. Okay, so I was just looking at the local news.

Right, um, Andre's behind the sofa with his girlfriend. So you might hear a little bit of, uh, should we just say activity, activity. Yeah, yeah, let's just leave it at that.

So hope you're all well. It is today. It's 18 minutes past 5pm on Monday, the 14th of December 2020.

And I, it was quite a weird, weird thing yesterday, last night. I don't know, it's just went a bit weird, just in my head. And then got up this morning.

I was up part of the night. And I got up, I woke up in time to watch Mike and Molly. Mike and Molly, which I've been watching for a while now.

It's usually on at 6.30, two episodes, and then there's two episodes of Cheers. And then there's, this is Channel 4 in the UK of England. And then there's Everyone Loves Raymond.

And then there's Frasier. So there's two, four, six, eight. Sometimes there's three episodes of Everyone Loves Raymond, but at least eight comedy shows, you know, half hour, 20 minutes, whatever they are.

So it's a nice half six, about half 10. I don't sit and watch it all. But I normally, sometimes I'll sit and watch Mike and Molly, and then I'll watch maybe, I might watch Cheers as well.

But I've just come from watching every episode of Cheers pretty much. And then showing it all again. So I'm kind of not that bothered about watching it.

Although I like it, I just still love it. But I just, I think I could do with having a few years off, go watch it again, maybe five, 10 years time. Because I remember stuff, you know? Not everything, but sometimes just as simple as like, it's almost like I remember a line, like a joke or something that happens.

So, you know, had a bit of a shock, although this morning, woke up, got me breakfast, got a cup of coffee, sat down. I was probably about eight minutes late to watching Mike and Molly, but I thought it's alright, it's okay, don't matter. Sit down, the adverts are on.

So okay, fair enough. There's still another episode after this and half of this episode. And something came on and I thought it was the television promoting other stuff that's going to be on later, you know, just, so I wasn't really taking too much notice of it.

And then I realized it wasn't, it was actually on now. And it wasn't Mike and Molly. What? I didn't know what it was.

I genuinely didn't know what it was. Like, what is this? It was another American sitcom. But I didn't know what it was.

And so I looked, remote control, I asked it, I said, remotey, can you tell me what's on? No, I'm sleeping, leave me alone. So, you know, I did it manually. I'm used to doing things manually, I'm okay with that.

And young, not young Sherlock, the one from the Big Bang, young Simeon or anyway, him, not Sherlock, Surly, Pearly, the autistic man in the, what's his name? Shirley, Shirley, pearly, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, young. I keep coming up with young Sherlock for some reason. Anyway, Charlie, Polly, Molly.

Shalali, she now knew all, shrew, something, sheer, Sherlock, Sherlock, shrewd all, furlough, purr, sheesh, shearing, shearing, sheep, shoop, hoop, the shoop, the shoop hoop, in the pooper. I don't know what, Sherlock, anyway, it's young something. And, yeah, I had to turn it off.

didn't it's not that I don't I don't know it and I wasn't in the mood for something new if you know I mean it took me a while to get my head around Mike and Molly to be fair but I didn't like him I just thought well it made it easier to be fair I'm gonna use that term now to be fair made it easier that it had what was it Kathy Bates in like the main character who plays Mike and because I've seen her in lots of comedies McCarthy McCarthy seen her in lots of

comedies so like movies and stuff which meant I kind of I already know that she was funny I just hadn't seen that television show before but once I kind of got my head around it and realized that it's great it's a really funny comedy show and Melissa McCarthy although she is the star she doesn't have the best lines doesn't have the best lines the best lines goes to Mike's mum Molly's mother's husband or boyfriend who lives in the house and the African fella that works in the cafe who also lives with Mike's partner like police

partner them three have the best lines the best comedy lines out of all of them argue with me all you like I'm sticking to that great one-liners oh no I'm done or just that one what's all about also I forget his name I watch it early in the morning I'm tired when I'm watching it but it's Mike's police partner his mum brilliant one-liners and him as well so Mike's partners brilliant one-liners see Mike although he's kind of I think when it first started I think he was supposed to be the star of it possibly but

he's it's not that he plays it straight but he does play it he's one of the only straight characters in the whole thing he's almost like the cement that sticks it all together and then you've got Molly Mike and Molly Molly is it Molly I'm obsessed with that name for so it's Molly isn't it Mike and Millie Mally Pally yeah Mike and Millie anyway Kathy Bates she plays she's just funny it's really funny I might be wrong but I think she might have been drinking a little bit when she was making that show yeah I

can't I get this idea that maybe a few of them were a bit a little bit tipsy whilst recording it but I might be wrong I might be wrong but it's I really like it and King of Queens I quite like King of Queens as well and they were showing that last year but that's they've took that off but they showed that the same kind of time they replaced that with Mike and Molly so probably earlier this year what other ones are they King of Queens because King of Queens has got what's his name's dad

Ben Stiller's dad was in that again a lot of the one-liners went to him very funny just like with Everyone Loves Raymond the father the you know Raymond's dad the one-liners he's just I don't think it's just because of the one-liners I think it's the delivery they are perfect at the delivery and maybe it's because he's I mean they're all dead now unfortunately but the they would they've been in the business for so long like you know Raymond's mum and dad in the show they both passed away but they brilliant delivery and Ben Stiller's dad

he's no longer there but he's great so funny anyway that's my obsession with comedy if you want to send me a PayPal gift if you like you can paypal.me forward slash Jason Newland and the links on my website helps me you know pays towards paying the costs and also it's just a gift you know if you want to give me a gift like a Christmas gift or something it's all welcome give me your money yeah only if you want to this is I very appreciate and I can buy myself a Christmas present isn't and in front of me I have a very important book from my library and it's called the handbook of hypnotic suggestions and metaphors edited by D Corridon Hammond PhD an

American Society of clinical hypnosis book now I have this both as a hard hardback book which has 602 pages I also have it on Kindle so I paid for it as well on Kindle which cost me about 25 pound not sure how much it cost me to buy in this I've had this is the second version of this I had this bought this probably 15 20 years ago or something and then I re-bought it probably a few years back 1990 this book's from wonder if they didn't do any updated that's high-pitched wasn't it I wonder

if they did any updated versions I wonder so basically in this book it's got lots and lots of ideas oh my phone just clicked or just shone oh I just had a phone call what can I do I can't take phone calls when I'm talking can I I am so it's it's not really it's this book's kind of like a I suppose you could say a bit like a cookbook like a cookbook it's got scripts and therapeutic techniques hypnotic techniques suggestions stuff like that from at the time the leaders in the field of hypnosis I

say at the time you know it's back it's 30 years ago isn't it 1990 just blindly but some would argue or hypnosis has changed a lot in that time I'm not sure I don't know really I think that a lot of anything you learn you know you need to learn the stuff to start with and then you realize that you can just do your own stuff you know do your own version so you don't stop just being creative really the the limits of what you can do with hypnosis is only limited by your own imagination

genuinely and that's what's I think so amazing about it I'm trying to get my my motivation back because it's not that I'm like completely unmotivated it's just I was thinking back to the past when I'm skipping through it I was thinking back to the past when everything was about hypnosis like hypnosis hypnosis hypnosis and I would read books and write the books out as I read them I would literally hand write handwritten copies of an entire book and I did it loads of times with lots of different books in a way to learn what I

was reading other times I would write down important sentences or paragraphs or stuff that I thought was relevant I always sort of write down so sometimes I do that of a book go through it and then I'd write down things I felt were really really valid I haven't done any of that kind of stuff for ages and ages and ages and I'm not sure if I can be bothered if it could be be asked really to do to go through that but I quite like to have that feeling back that feeling of this is everything

this is the world you know this is my entire world and that's what it needs to be I mean it kind of is still but we should shut up that stupid ferret and I think it's I don't know how easy is to keep like the newness unless if you go back and 22 years is when I first got excited about hypnosis so 22 years ago I was January 1998 I was 27 still now 50 so I was 27 years old it's fair to say I had a bit more energy back then which is normal you

know standard I was more enthusiastic back then about I don't know what about I could I could I felt that there was more coming I'm not talking about my dating life I just I felt there was more good stuff on its way you know there was more there's more coming more good stuff coming more not money necessarily but just more opportunities more chances to to be somebody to to build a life to find out what my what my role within the world is or could be now I would say I've kind of found that now

or I found that quite a long time ago you know sort of helicopter I yeah back in 2006 when I started making podcasts so I'm making see for me I was making recordings and I still am making recordings I know they're on a podcast but to me it's not about the podcast it's an individual recording when I make a hypnosis session relaxation sleep whatever it might be it's an individual recording on its own but felt that that was my future I found a way to help people without being closely involved in their lives without being

limited by geography you know to be able to help people in Sweden America Canada Australia you know all the different parts of the world in fact for me is it's still mind-blowing really and I'll kind of take it for granted now and you know used to I guess but when I step back just just for the technology really just like wow you can actually instantly connect with somebody thousands of miles away which 50 years ago it took maybe weeks unless you phoned them I suppose no but there was there was a it was a time

not that long ago when the only way to contact someone was by going on a ship that took weeks to get to America you know I don't know how long ago that was but yeah not 50 years ago because that was you know it's really weird in my head when I say 50 years ago I'm thinking of like the 40s or 50s the 50 years ago is 1970 because that's when I was born and there were flights to America 50 years ago and of course there was telephones where you could call talk to someone instantly

on the phone see yeah maybe 90 years ago I don't know so yeah there's that motivation and I woke up this morning and trying to find a way to to motivate myself it's just about getting a feeling for me it's not really about anyone else really in a sense it's it's about me feeling that what I'm doing is worthwhile to me like it feels worthwhile and I decided oh no I know what I'm gonna do this isn't the first time this has happened is I'll raise a million pound for charity so I set up a

just giving page and made a banner and posted on Facebook and all that stuff and then after that I thought I can't actually afford to do that I can't really first of all I have to have some something coming in to cover the costs of everything which is adding up to hundreds of pounds a month hundreds dollars a month to run this service and of course I you know so just and then I thought I know it's not a charity what I'm doing but it's a free service helping people which sounds very much like a

charity I'm kind of already my service is what I do it doesn't have to also raise money for another charity unrelated to what I'm doing is I'm actually just doing what I'm doing I don't know if you can hear that is music being played downstairs that's where they play the same song it sounds like the same song all the time like continuous me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me

me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me

me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me I need to stick what I'm doing I need to stay focused on this

and also realize that this is enough you know focusing on helping people do it with the podcasts that's enough the idea is I will need to raise money for charity as well well actually I don't this this in itself is helping people that well hopefully hopefully and that's what I've been trying to get my head around is that's enough that's enough it's enough man you know I'm I'm doing all right I think so I'm trying to get my head around that to be to stay motivated and to I suppose just get in touch with my

own self-worth well this is heavy isn't it oh it's a heavy I can't believe you why can't he just talk about just talk about farting you imagine it to some people might you know I'm annoyed because I'm not talking about silly things I still talk about silly things don't worry I can make everything silly in its own way eventually but I just yeah I'm just talking out loud just you know just when we're going with this I felt very lazy lately very lazy sometimes and what's weird about it is you know I'll talk about I

want 10,000 downloads a day that's my target for now my that's I have other targets once that's done plus I've got other targets as well but that's the next the next target for me for this stuff is to regularly regularly daily hit over 10,000 downloads now on a really good day I can get 9,000 plus on an average day 5,000 so 5,000 would be if I make maybe one recording sometimes even if I don't do that I can get 5,000 but 5,000 is kind of an average if I only do you know if I do

two recordings it can go up to six seven thousand downloads if I have it like a busy day if I do three or four recordings or maybe you know five even then it can really skyrocket I said to 9,000 plus so knowing that I could reach to 10,000 by the end of the year daily if I wanted it's almost like there's the key you got the key to the to the stats room you can I know how to increase the stats how to reach a larger audience by producing it's it's almost just you know it's

as simple as that so if it was a cinema I would make sure that I put on new films every week rather than just play the same films continuously put on a new film every week so with the podcasts put on a new recording every day or every couple of days if I did that with all my podcasts all the main ones I would have over 10,000 downloads a day every day day in day out and although to me 10,000 downloads is a lot it's really not much at all I mean I'm above I'm do

you know statistically or can't believe he's talking about statistics again blimey statistically I've researched this so I've mentioned this before good what is a good podcast stats good podcast stats how many downloads makes a successful podcast the most successful podcast episode has around 50,000 downloads in only 30 days an episode with 9,000 downloads earns a place in 5% 3,400 downloads puts you in the top 10% so I don't know I'm not sure how to I mean I'm at least in the top 20% of the podcasts based on like a monthly thing it's just hard isn't

it because I'm getting I don't know how much what do I get a month we don't care I know that's why I want to talk about it because no one cares no one cares why don't you care I want you to I want you to care it's important to me right so last month I had a hundred and sixty eight thousand two hundred and fifty six downloads that was November October 174 thousand eight hundred and forty so far this month eighty one thousand two hundred and eighteen and we're halfway through the month was it the

14th today so nearly halfway through so based on that hundred and eight probably about a hundred and seventy thousand plus this month which is around about sort of in between October and November every other month before that before October when it rose I was hundred and forty hundred and forty three hundred and forty hundred forty seven thousand those kind of marks so that's 30 days so they're saying if you get fifty thousand for an episode I guess the difference is how many episodes do you do in a month see I do a lot don't I

so the reason I don't get such a high number of downloads per episode is because the next one comes along now if I just left if I just did one record in a week on each of my podcasts I'd have a lot more downloads of that particular episode so instead of being you know it'd be thousands and I've done that occasionally I sort of had a week off and stuff so because I just keep going for some reason I keep making new recordings it gets you know maybe with this one let me boy to sleep

there'll be a few hundred downloads all together to be for each episode three six nine three thousand a thousand downloads or streams let me boy to sleep down episode spread over the different podcasts that I share on including let me boy to sleep one itself so you know it's like three hundred and sixty five thousand or three hundred sixty thousand or maybe three hundred and forty thousand I don't know depending on how many actually is but it's roughly about a thousand a day give or take you know so maybe sometimes it's 700 might be sometimes

it's more let's say a thousand just just let's say let's say a million just for the sake of argument a million each day so technically that's a fairly successful podcast I suppose kind of I don't know I think I want to be successful but without the ego and I don't know if that's possible I don't want to I want to just I want to be able to be pleased with myself I think I want to I think just it'd be nice to think yeah I've done all right you know I was an alright geezer I

was yeah I was quite a nice person I was a nice I was nice kind generous something I don't know what what word I want it would be nice to I was useful that's it I want to be useful I'm not so bothered about being nice or being thought of as this or that because it doesn't matter how nice people think you are that can change in a second you know if people can change how they feel about someone and you know just it's I don't say it's a very very old joke but the this

this farmer he said I built all the roads around the area all around the village or everyone I've built all those roads when I was in my 20s so I owned the land and I built all the roads and inherited this land and I did that did the villagers call me the road builder Boris the road builder no they don't I built all the houses all the social housing on my own land to give people a better standard of living that they call me Boris the the social housing builder or the you know the home

provider no they don't I built the big the big swimming pool and leisure center and you know the gym and all that stuff they call me Bob the Bob Boris Bob what they call Bob Boris the the gym builder the swimmer pool provider no I've paid I paid for for medicine for all the different for the children in the schools and I paid to have them vaccinated and out of my own pocket because you know during the war and stuff when it was a shortages of stuff like that they call me Jason Boris Boris Boris

the medicine man no I shagged one sheep so yeah it's just an old old old joke but I don't know what he's doing he's biting my slippers so things like reputation can just be gone in a second so there's no point I don't think trying to worry too much about stuff like that and I do find it's so funny not funny but ironic or funny ha ha how people including family members parents children whatever are so willing to believe the worst possible thing about the person they care about you know I remember there's this young

lad he's 25 but he his girlfriend accused him of something and his whole family turned on him even though he hadn't done it and she admitted as well but it's just they're so willing to instantly believe the worst possible thing about their own son their own brother you know it's really I said to him you know what if they're that willing to believe the worst that they hear about you do you really want them in your life who are they really who if they're willing to believe the first horrible thing they hear about you what

what what what what he said what do you mean I said I don't know but I would question it that's all I'm saying it brings up questions my friend I do find that the same with famous people isn't it you know as soon as there's a bit of a quite often it's just gossip isn't it but about a celebrity like everyone talks about it as if it's actually true and I don't know I just find it a bit weird it's it's almost like a court case when it's a court case and they go from the

press talk about this person is accused of this thing and as soon as they're being let's say to be found guilty they go from that to being the thing they are this thing whatever the crime they committed or whatever and then I put in for me I think well I don't know if they're guilty or not I was at the trial and I didn't see no evidence I don't know plus I don't know how many people are on the jury service or whatever but ultimately if they decide someone's guilty or not guilty that's it and

they're just gonna be swayed by some very very well-educated lawyers who are trained in manipulating people trained in hypnosis and various different psychological techniques to manipulate those people that are on the jury plus the judge plus the people watching at home or you know plus trying to manipulate the other solicitor or lawyer on the other side to trip them up so really it's just a game for them it's a game they're basically playing a very well-paid game the highest paid game probably in a way apart from football maybe basketball and other games to pay more

I've actually seen that on on the news and in the background of stuff lawyers that are actually at each other you know sort of there's the what do they call it there's a naughty person and is the person it's someone be naughty too so the naughty person has been being accused of being naughty he's he or she's got a solicitor or a lawyer and then the other person has got a lawyer and they're fighting it out or trying both trying to be clever trying to make the other one look bad and no morals either side

possibly don't know it could be they are evil and at the end of it the only winner is the lawyers and the judges and the solicitors and everyone that makes money from law they are the winners because they all get paid regardless of winning or losing cases and they know each other and some of them probably went to university together possibly even made love in the same dorm room squeezing each other's spots together so it's weird isn't it the law system they're the winners always the winners there's no losers in law they're always the winners

because they wow they make some money can't imagine imagine doing that imagine getting paid to be evil now what I mean is imagine getting paid to to represent and to try and get someone off of something that they'd already admitted to doing and they've been caught in the act and they were on television you know I mean the it was it's definitely them that did it yeah you're trying to get them a reduced sentence or trying to get some kind of plea is it plea bargaining I don't think we have that so much here in

the UK but in America I've got a story I could tell I'm not gonna tell you it because it's not a nice story but it's an American story and it's very famous but it's not really to do it's not really family-friendly so I won't but just to say that someone no I can't this very famous story of someone that did something watery and then did something again and he only walked free because he plea bargained that if he told them told the police where let's say he buried the treasure this is it's not a good

term for that but let's say he told them where the where the treasure was so and he would get let off he would go free and he did that went free and then yeah weird weird stuff weird stuff man I feel I would have been quite a good lawyer I mean earlier years when I was a bit more verbal bit more very reactive verbally you know it's ping-pong really I'd have been a good I was good at verbal ping-pong you know almost the words would come out my mouth before I'd even thought it before I'd

even had the thought it was just instant so that was pretty weird but it was I suppose it's kind of a skill back then what do I want to eat though what do I want to have to eat went to the supermarket today because I was run out of stuff run out of stuff run out of just a few little bits and bobs so I needed to go and get some little bobs and bits and I didn't have any bobs but I did get some bits and some stuff there's some stuff as well bit of

food got some food and and there's some crap I got some crap too yeah so that was good did that come home and I went out without my glasses on no I did go out without my glasses on I went out with my glasses on got to the bus stop put my mask on in preparation for the bus arriving and my glasses were getting steamed up so I thought you know what I'll take my glasses off so I did and I put them into a pocket which was a bit higher up in me coat so

nothing else was in the pocket and they didn't get squashed put them in there and you know what apart from not being able to see it felt nicer it's it's not having that fogginess although technically it was a quite foggy but I can see probably six foot ahead I could see everything fine so if someone was let's say someone was six foot ahead of me and they were holding a tiny little umbrella that was blue I'll be able to say to you oh that's a blue umbrella or a tiny little pink flag that's a tiny

little pink flag so you know I can see that stuff but you know further away you get you start to turn into two people I was looking and I was waiting for the bus to come home from the supermarket and I was looking in the distance and people literally did have kind of two heads and it wasn't you know it was it was just a visual it was a visual thing rather than a visual thing you know I wasn't seeing things it just the focus was out so what I had to do as I was

coming back I had to wait for a bus I had to take my glasses and put them on as a bus arrived closer to see what the number of the bus was otherwise I couldn't see it like literally like oh and luckily it was the one that I was waiting for because going past me there's three different buses there wasn't three different buses going past at that time but there's three different buses that go down that route that journey but they go into different places only one that goes all the way to where I live

yeah does that make sense I think so I think it does I think you do I think you do I really really do we do does anyone else find the the what do they call them signers on TV the signers does anyone else find that distracting I do I'll be honest I find it distracting really distracts me because but right now there's a lady and she's got a big head which is a close-up it's a close camera I'm sure her heads normal but it looks big and he's not really little right next to her honestly

it's almost like he's sitting on her shoulder pointing at her looks like he's saying that she's got a moustache and I sometimes look and I think they're just making it up it's just just and now there's a politician talking with no physical no facial expressions at all hardly and this bloke doing the signing is smiling and you know doing all these elastic he facial expressions that people don't normally make and then the politician look at him and he's just they're just talking oh even the signers got bored now even his facial expressions just gone looks

like he's about to fall asleep it's got very serious it's not jumping around anymore I think because you can only see his upper body I think he might be standing on a trampoline like a little miniature trampoline now it looks like he's trying to do mime like he's like pushing his hands against an invisible window I suppose there's a crossover isn't there between signers and mime artists it's a kind of a crossover job isn't it maybe if they dress them up like mime artists it'd be more entertaining because right now he's more entertaining the person

that's speaking now I've got the volume on mute so I can't hear well some mute you'd have to say that I can't hear a bit did I really yeah so I think we should dress up the well we should I mean it just if they want to obviously dress him up as a mime artist let's see the trampoline that he's jumping up and down on the thing is you think you'd be able to know because normally you know you can tell what's you can't always tell what someone's job is but if they're like a trades

person or if they're doing you know if they I don't know I'm trying to think if they're a carer that might walk around in their caring costume or nurses costume or whatever if they're policemen maybe they'll have their their costume on for that so a signer for television I guess they just be these really tiny little people walking around holding trampolines just on their way to work a bit like the Snow White's friends instead of hi-ho hi-ho it just be a lot of finger movements and weird facial expressions unless they know yes I'm just watching

it honestly I don't I'm sure if he knows it look I I can't tell we just pointed to him they never say thank you so thank you thank you to little trampoline man little mime artist thank you he's not actually there with them he's sort of separate it looks like I don't know so now he's nearly the same size as the ones on TV but earlier on unless that woman really did have a huge head I mean who knows they might be filming her from a distance and the head was that big you know they

might be sitting on a rooftop in a building the other side you know another building and just filming through the window from maybe 600 yards away or so and head was just so big I don't know I don't know I don't have the answers to everything all is another big head now as a man this time he could fit inside his head he could literally stand he could sit on his shoulder and play with his ear and it wouldn't work but to be fair I don't think it look any weirder than it does now in

fact it made more sense he does have lovely ears he could probably crawl into his ear Andre shush anyway I'm just waffling now I'm gonna go thank you very much for listening I'll speak to you very soon you take care of yourselves okay then so remember remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy lots of love lots of love love love love bye