#551 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland dot com. My name is Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You to Sleep.

Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Today is Wednesday the 25th of November. And I'm Jason.

Yes, that's my name. When we were kids we used to say that's my name, don't wear it out. Oh, we were funny back then.

So I hope you're well. Um, not a lot really going on. Not normally is, really, but not normally is, is our sentence.

So today I got some stuff done. Got some stuff done. I had to be looking after my friend's dog for a couple of hours, but that didn't transpire.

So I was waiting around. Something really, well, it's not weird, but last night probably about 3.30, yeah, 3.30 in the morning. I'd gone to bed, probably about 2.00 and I was just laying there and my feet were weird.

I don't mean they weren't wrestling with each other or anything. They were just, felt a bit strange, a bit. It's happened before, so it's nothing like really disturbing or anything.

Just, it was more like the palms of my feet felt a bit, a bit buzzy, a bit uncomfortable anyway. I thought, oh, so I took my boots off and get out of my bed. I'm in sleep with my boots on.

I took my skis off. No, I took my socks off. So I wear socks in bed in the winter, not in the summer, but in, well, part of the reason I wear socks in bed, I don't want to, it's because Andre will bite my toes otherwise.

But in the winter, you know, I generally, I like to have me legs out of the duvet, you know. I cuddle the duvet like it's a ghost or so, I don't know, maybe a human. That's what I need.

I need to find a girlfriend. I need to find a female who is shaped like a duvet. I don't know if that's possible.

I wonder if I, I do cuddle it. I do. The thing is, it doesn't let off like huge amounts of heat, like humans.

So, mind you, yeah, I probably wouldn't mind. So anyway, so I'm cuddling the duvet and my feet feel strange. So I get up and I'm thinking, I spent quite a bit of the day in bed.

Had a weird day yesterday because I spoke to my psychologist on the phone for an hour and I just talked about some stuff and, well, I had a little bit of a rant actually, just, well, just explaining some feelings that I had inside. And I think I benefited from the interaction I had. Yeah, at the same time, kind of opened up a few things.

So I was a little bit, a little bit restless, a little bit restless. So I got up and I thought, well, I don't have to just lay in bed. There's no point, you know, just for the sake of it.

There's plenty to do. So I came into the living room and I sat down at the chair, the one that I was sitting in now. I took my socks off.

So my socks were quite, my socks, my feet rather, were quite cool. Quite cool. Not cold, but cool.

And they felt quite nice compared to how they did before. So I think the thing that I would have liked most at that point was a nice foot massage. I think a bit of stimulation of my feet.

Yeah, like the bulbs on my feet, you know, a bit of, not so much me, well, maybe reflexology, but probably just born massage. And I think that would have done me the world of good. It would have been lovely.

I can't really reach my own feet anymore. Well, I can. I don't know why I said that.

No, I can't. I can't reach. Let me see.

No. Yeah. So it would have been nice to have a foot massage.

I think that would have, yeah, it would have been nice. Anyway, I didn't, so it's not really valid. I turned the television on and not much on at that time of night.

So I went to YouTube. I don't know how I came over it, but I came across a video which was the best of Big Brother 1998. And it lasted for about an hour, maybe 45 minutes.

It was so lovely. Now, some people might not Big Brother, the Big Breakfast. That's what I meant.

The Big Breakfast. Big Brother 1998. Big Brother wasn't on in 1998.

So the Big Breakfast. Now, for those not from England or from the UK, possibly won't know what the Big Breakfast was. What it was was a TV show on Channel 4 that started in the early 90s.

It was actually started by Bob Geldof and his wife. I think Bob Geldof owned the rights to the show and he had Chris Evans host it. But Bob Geldof was on there as well.

And his wife was one of the, she used to interview people on the bed. I remember one interview, Michael Hutchinson, that was one that I remember. But she used to interview a lot of people.

She was really bubbly, I forget her name now. And I used to watch it before going to work in the morning. Early mornings, when it was on then, when it first started.

And I guess it must have started at six until 8.30 or something like that. Maybe later. But I didn't used to get to see a lot of it.

I get to see maybe the first half an hour or maybe an hour, depending on what time it started. I can't remember. I wonder if it's in my phone.

I wonder, this is something I've never looked at before. I wonder if I put in TV listings. TV listings, UK, 1992.

I've got Christmas listings, UK listings. Okay, let's see if it's got it. Oh, no, no, no, radio, radio, radio.

No, I don't want radio. Stop it. Oh, TV, TV, TV, TV.

BBC1, BBC2, BBC4. What about BBC4? Channel 4, how weird. Year, 1993, January.

So this is TV. BBC, BBC. Really? This isn't showing anything.

Nothing at all. Never been at Angrio. There's got to be some, somewhere.

TV listings. Okay, let's have a look this oh look virgin no what BBC 2 BBC 1 BBC 2 why isn't Channel 4 here unless it's that far back before Channel 4 existed okay I'm going to put Channel 4 it's Channel 4 1993 okay here we go 1999 1996 93 why 89 91 or UK TV listens 1992 anyway I used to watch it oh wait a minute maybe I've found something oh I have I found one 25th of November 1992 I don't want books go back go back go back what are you doing that's not what I wanted oh okay it's not it's just giving her what they're suggesting for people to watch Elkhorn 630 to 7 p.

m.

no this isn't what I wanted at all it's nothing like what I wanted I'm not being ungrateful but seriously UK listings TV schedule okay I might nope oh wait a minute wait a minute TV BBC so much Channel 4 come on Channel 4 someone no come on please business break break it's got ITV 1996 next Channel 4 okay well I'm gonna try a different version I'll try different what time was the big breakfast big breakfast on what time was the big breakfast on seven till nine okay blimey that's a lot of effort so on so

I used to watch it anyway but this was the like there was a period when it was popular and then Chris Evans left and Gabby Roslyn I think left or she might stayed on I can't remember and then new presenters came in and weren't as popular which seems to be the way with TV shows like that whoever goes whoever replaces the popular person generally doesn't perhaps do as well and then the person replaces them gets seems to get a better chance of it for some reason but anyway Johnny Vaughn took over and and Phineas then

Phineas fan Dalton Elton Newton Denise fan Newton took over so them two in 98 huge hit huge brilliant chemistry very funny and really good show and then I think apparently Phineas Dan Newton left for a while and came back and then Johnny Johnny left and then it kind of went downhill from there and never really recovered to kind of eventually just stopped after I think it carried on for a few years but didn't have the same impact but him and Johnny Vaughn and Denny Dennyville Elton did a song especially for you I think they didn't

make the song especially for you not do she's listening the song you know especially for you baby baby baby baby baby that one and I think Carly Minogue Monogu did that song with Jason I think Jason Donovan I think yeah they didn't they especially for you because she was wearing a white dressing gown a white wedding dress I think and they were yeah I think it might have been the song to their wedding because in the TV show Neighbors both Jason Donovan and Carly Minogu was Minogu she was a woman they were married they were

wed and in the show that is but they were dating in real life as well funny enough that's quite a nice connection isn't it because the big brother Phineas Dan Eton and Vonnie John did the song especially for you Carly did especially for you and she dated Michael Hutchinson as well as tell me why I don't like Mondays his his wife's boyfriend she dated Hutchie as well Hutchie tell me why I don't like I don't like I don't like brushing my hair tell me why I don't like Michael Hutchinson I don't like Monday and she

yes so so I was watching this hour or maybe 42 minutes maybe less I wasn't keeping track and there's clips from the show from 1998 like in 1998 I think I used to watch it my dad did used to watch it but I think I might have watched it from the beginning you know seven o'clock till nine o'clock and it's quite weird I got very nostalgic about the that period of my life because it was quite a good period quite a nice time in my life I was I was working on myself in a sense

of trying to reinvent myself but trying to move forward I mean that's the time when all of this stuff that I do now you know the hypnosis therapy stuff that I do that's where all of that happened it was January 1998 and yeah and I was listening to well it was before that I was listening in 97 the end of the year I was listening to me excuse me self-help audiobooks which I still listen to now and I think the reason I'm going to give this a fair bit of thought is I need to listen

to positive stuff I know it might sound weird but I class now my mentor as being Earl Nightingale even though he's been gone a long time from the planet I listen to him and I really resonate with him and it's almost I agree with everything pretty much he says I know some of it is well not a lot of it but there's a little bit about you know outdated because he's he's talking about stuff that's happening in you know the 60s and stuff like you know so he's it's a long time ago when he was

making his recordings and he used to sell albums like he used to make recordings and sell them and he was very popular really popular in America and I listened to him and really really connect with what he's saying yeah so I think there's a part of I think I'm naturally not as positive as I would like to be naturally and which means there's work to do but constantly I mean someone did say I think Zig Ziglar says motivation you don't get motivated once and that's it motivation is like taking a shower or having a bath

you have to do it daily you have to if you get yourself motivated or you have to experience some positivity or hear some positivity every day you know just listen once and that's it so because of the I would say increasingly negative society world based upon really I guess what I see online and what I see on Facebook and the news and all that stuff and everyone I've ever met although not everyone I've met some quite positive people I have actually had a but it was my supervisor he was only about 10 he was so

positive generally apart from nearly end I don't need the ender so dramatic Ian he ended up leaving he didn't like the company anymore not the company he kept yeah I think we've gone quite well but he before that he was a positive big football fan big football fan loved coaching the kids in football if anyone should have been to gone into professional football as a coach I think it should have been him he was so passionate and I said to him do it and he said well I said nothing else but I should really tell

you what I'm talking about you know he said yeah would help so why don't you do what you're doing as a volunteer why don't you try and do that as a job and he said I can't remember what he said it's a long time ago he probably didn't go but I tell you what in my last job I had there was this this is the insurance job I had the other one was an insurance job as well it sounds bad if you say insurance job it's normally fraud but you know I worked in insurance yes

and the there was this this bloke it was it was only young about 24 and he sat next to me in the office it was annoying because he kept telling me the wrong things on purpose just to get me in trouble so I was new and I'd say to him I'll be on the phone with a customer and the customer would ask me a question I go to my I actually got really well I'd say to him hold a sec can you tell me and it'd be something like can we insure this kind of vehicle

for would it be covered if he goes if he trails a caravan and whatever something like that and he'd always say yeah it's fine so I put the insurance policy through and then I'd get pulled into the office and say well you just sell that for we can't do that as any being there laughing looking through the window laughing at me I just but it was funny so I kind of put up with it I think I told him off once I said like that's it that's it that's all I said is that's it and

he knew he knew to behave himself anyway he was a part-time trainer football trainer at the local football team they trained the kids and he got offered a job to do it full-time and he turned it down and I looked at him I said you are that it what so I said I said what I said see you turn down your dream job something you've always wanted to do because it's paying less money because it wasn't full-time hours but it was and it was not good money to start with because he was going to be

the assistant to the coach but he's still gonna be getting paid but he turned him down said no said so you're gonna choose working here selling car insurance and sitting there winding me up all day over working at a professional football club coaching the young players of the future and possibly moving up in the club to you know a really good position forward center back you know and he was thinking about it and he came in the next day and he handed his notice in and that was it I feel I and I just yeah

he did he changed his mind and I said to him look you this is you can get a job in a call center easily especially as you've got experience and you're young you know you're good at it so it's just it's not gonna be hard to get another job like this who cares if you get paid less if you're doing something you love your dream job that could lead to an even dreamier job you gotta take it do get another part-time job somewhere else whatever you need to do and he did I don't know if

he got another part-time job or not but he took the job I never saw him again so I've got no idea he could still be there I don't know I've no idea and that was an irrelevant story I don't know why I'm even telling it tell you what's weird is my very last week of working at that club but the company I wasn't very well and I'd asked for a few days off holiday and they gave it to me but it was gonna be five days off or something including the weekend no excluding weekends it's

gonna end up being like seven days or not something like that and that week before my holiday they had a competition on there's loads of stuff on the table beer whiskey wine chocolates and every time you got a certain amount of sales you could take take a prize and I had a little bit of a moment where I just got back into my stride and was motivated and I outsold everybody and my table was full of stuff I was giving it away so I don't drink spirits so I was just saying you can have that

as like my table honestly it was loads of stuff all over my table I was balancing the chocolates on me head it was great and then I left I didn't kind of really go back again after that so I kind of left a winner in a way in a weird a weird way hmm had a weird situation with wanna well basically I started I think it was on the second of December weird time of the year to start a job so after being there for maybe a week maybe two weeks no probably a week week

and a half there was a Christmas party and I think I was still in training I don't think I'd even left training and there's a Christmas the company Christmas party so I went along as did all the people at my training in and there's loads of people there that I didn't know and I'm standing there in this bar that we'd rented out and one of the lads in my team was really friendly to me and he he's all like oh was introduced me to people he didn't know what I was but so that was nice

anyway the other side of the bar there was a lady like probably 20 30 feet away 100 foot I don't know quite distance and she was smiling in my general direction so I automatically figure someone behind me so I look around and I just sort of carry on and she's still smiling she starts waving to me so I'm looking around I start pointing to myself now I'm pointing to my chest like you do me is it me you're waving at no me me are you sure you sure you haven't mistaken identity what really me Wow

so I got a little bit excited well excited but just curious because there's this lovely lady waving at me didn't know who she was or nothing so when I thought I mean it wouldn't have surprised me so much if being back in you know 99 or 2000 or 2001 even but you know this is 12 years later after that Oh not used to females really take much notice of the goods that I have hidden somewhere anyway she it's our window okay let's go and she talks up come here you know with her hands or signal

to can you know I mean to like put it you know wherever it is I'm her hand signals come here now so I did skipped over there why tripped cuz actually wearing skates I forgot and I walked up to I said yeah what I didn't I said hello little bit oh yeah she said how you doing you right I said yeah she said don't you remember me yeah of course how are you yeah how's the family all right yeah good did you manage to get rid of the rash I don't know what to say like

she said I'm the person who interviewed you I said what she said I did I interviewed you in your interview I I was sitting in there I didn't do much talking and I remember she was there but she had like a scarf over her face and she didn't hardly say a thing but she laughed quite a bit at some of the stuff I said but it was the other lady that did most of the talking I said oh okay how you doing that's why I didn't recognize it because she had this I think she might

have she had a cold or what it was but she had a scarf over over her head over her head like it was a normal scarf it wasn't wasn't like some kind of outdated expression of some kind of outdated belief system it was just a normal scarf and she seems like really friendly to me she said oh you were really funny in that interview I said thank you you know I was just just being honest about my life wasn't trying to be funny and she said oh yeah how's it going all that stuff so good

now I didn't know what to do next because I thought she liked me but I wasn't sure and she didn't seem to we were talking and someone else came in and kind of took her away from me and then I got drunk and I was just talking to other people and stuff and and then when we finished the night at that place you know went off and got some kebabs I only lived up the road so I walked up there got some kebabs and was trying to talk to her but again this bloke was kind

of trying to sort of pull her away from away from me even though this is some married man that was I didn't know at the time but there was nothing going on with them there's like so I don't know what was going on it's weird and then I just thought oh this is just silly I don't know what was good it's weird it's a weird moment so I came home and I cried then I saw her in the office and she just nodded her head I said and I'd see it outside the office because I

used to go and sit outside to get some air didn't really want to be in the building during breaks I wanted to get out and you know just you know just just go for a walk and stuff and she'd see me and she'd walk and she'd walk past like that just very cordial very offish standoffish and I don't know what was going on it's almost as if she didn't want to talk to me anymore but she wanted to talk to me that night but after talking to my baby after talking to me she didn't want

to talk to me again but I didn't I don't think I said anything that was actionable I said anything that was out of order I'm pretty sure I didn't I had some I had some drinks I wasn't drunk really just had a few drinks and back in them days I was drinking every night anyway so it wasn't really a big deal I probably had a little bit more than normal that's all yeah that was very strange then she started dating someone in there and he had glasses and dark curly hair and I remember him saying

to me he was doing some training and he was making fun of somebody that was off ill with stress you know it was all quite demeaning and I thought he was one of these who used to say chap right chap right fella right geese right chap and like it's kind of like a fake a fake um persona I'm not quite sure what the right word for it is it's there's a lot of people who say swear down get me uh what's the other one oh yeah the one I like um what was it called what

is it my bad those kind of things that are just they will absorb whatever is new and embrace it and make it part of their personality which I suppose it's a it's a skill perhaps I don't know I remember though 2001 walking into a shop when I just first moved away from London and I was looking I think for a phone so I went into it was HMV I think or it might have been Virgin but HMV and they used to have a phone section probably Virgin actually think about it because Virgin had their own

phones and I went in there and the bloke first thing he did says you want their chap and I thought wow being in sales myself that's the crappiest way to welcome someone it's friendly but the wrong words calling someone chap it's like hello there can I help I suppose you're right mate but even then I wouldn't in a sales situation I'd be informal but at the same time respectful like probably wouldn't say sir or madam definitely would I never I rarely haven't called many women madam unless that indeed their job title so it's very strange

that and I remember there was another time there was this there's these two females that are very similar to each other to the point where could they be sisters I don't know it's possible isn't it and she one of them I used to talk to one and I've got on quite well with her and another one she she was outside smoking and this was a Saturday lunchtime or maybe you know two o'clock hours at break time and I was out at the same time I wasn't sitting on the grass where she was there was a

couple of other people with her then she gets up and I'm about to go inside and she's about to go inside and she says you're right I said yeah I felt really in tune with her she had the same kind of tone of voice as me and she said what time do you finish I said what's it got to do with you I don't have business I'm gonna ask you I don't ask you questions do I I'm on my break I spend all my time on the phone asking people questions and answering questions I don't

want to do it when I'm on my break it's my lunchtime this is my time I've only got maybe two minutes left I'm gonna waste my time answering questions about what time I'm finishing she said oh okay she didn't say any of that I said uh five she said me too and she just stared at me I said what are you looking at what do you want a picture yeah she said what's your name I said Jason don't wear it out it's an original I didn't she didn't ask you my name she looked at me

like I was supposed to say something I said see ya move it along and she did I never saw her again it was literally it was that week that I left I think or that I had time off which led to leaving and by then it was too late to go on dates with anyone because when I was off with you know my I wasn't particularly well the one of my what I thought he was a friend in the office decided to tell every single person that he could find exactly about my situation so that

wasn't very good very unprofessional but if I if I could go back to that moment the moment with the second person you know outside when she says what you're doing what time do you finish I almost feel like I wish I could have no I'd just like to tell her what's it got to do with you that's what that's what I'd like to do no I'd like to like like continue the conversation like what are you doing then or what shall we do where should we go what do you fancy doing you'd be a little

bit cocky a little bit you know cheeky would you fancy doing tonight then where should we go even though I don't know she might have had a boyfriend girlfriend goat I don't know I don't know what what her situation is or was it's long enough ago that she could be retired now so yeah it was a weird moment I could have said oh hey I noticed you stopped and you looked at me does that mean that you're interested in something happening between us maybe romantically or otherwise hey hey hey what do you fancy doing later

then don't ever go doesn't doesn't work in any scenario there's no time ever in life where going war really works it's never really appropriate apparently but that's enough about other job interviews I've had so I do kind of wish a little bit I just said to her hey I finish at five what are you going to be doing what should we do I'm quarter past five no that would have been rubbish I'll just there was something about that I liked sort of same energy as me and by that I suppose I mean quite low energy

although I'm not low I am low energy but I'm not it's it's low to good you know it's not necessarily bad but I'm not I'm not a jump up jumpy up and down person I'm not excitable I do get excited sometimes I'm not gonna lie and when I say this stuff I'm not judging people that are excitable because I almost feel envious to be fair to someone that wakes up and has got lots of energy and is really excited about stuff I if I'm honest I is not envy in a negative way but just I

admire that's probably a better word I admire people that have got that natural ability a natural tendency but then I don't know is it weird to might admire someone for something that they haven't done themselves something that they're born with but who's to say that they were born like that they might have worked on it they might have learned you know how to be more positive and let go of stuff from the past and to be a more fully integrated person but anyway this this this lady she's really nice I liked her I've almost felt

quite connected on a level not it wasn't about it was a different level it was it was I suppose I suppose I'm laughing when I say this but the the theory of kind of energy and being on the same free frequency I was going to say vibration but being on a sort of similar frequency that we were in and that's technically quite a calm person and I would say I'm generally fairly calm I have my moments but quite calm I think things through usually plan more than I used to you know I used to not

be a calm person when I was younger you know when I was maybe 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 I calmed down a bit over the years but when I was young I wasn't calm but I think I was one of those I've been fairly calm but then it builds up you know maybe some kind of excitement it builds and it builds and I just remember one occasion I was around a friend's house around the corner from where I lived and I didn't really

know him I knew him but I didn't know him I knew of him I went to school with him but he wasn't in my class but I don't know he must have been playing outside in the street and he said do you want to come back to mine play in the garden I probably said no and he said my mum's got chocolate cake okay then so I went back to his and there was these I don't know what they were bags bags of potatoes or something all piled up and we were climbing up on them

and jumping off and every time I did it was getting rougher and rougher to the point where I was wrestling with him and pushing him over and jumping on top of him and screaming and shouting and getting a bit carried away to the point where I was banned from ever visiting that house again and by the parents so I started off calmly and kind of lost it lost didn't lose control just got very excited in a yeah it's there's there's a like a villain a villain Villain in the x-men cartoons called Juggernaut and he's this

strong character you know big strong and everything but one of the things that happens is once he has to be contained because once he starts he gets stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger so you know wherever run through walls and he can just you know just the more he just gets stronger and that seemed to be me when I was a kid I just the more I kept going the more energy I had and I just get stronger and more out of control but a lot of the time I was very quiet yeah I'd

say I was sort of quiet that's really quiet then when I said that I just noticed there's not a lot going on yeah sort of quite quiet quite quiet but anyway I watched the big breakfast that was quite nice I was just watching that for about an hour I just felt nostalgic watching that and then today I did some washing clean you know cleaned my clothes I don't think I did the washing up though and there's still some washing up there what else did I do oh I had shopping delivered and then I went and

collected my prescription from the pharmacy and then I put together my weight bench which took me a while to do but I got it done and I went on it earlier I'm surprised at how low down it is I thought it would be a bit higher you know that's the way it is but I did some weights earlier with I did some bench presses with my dumbbells which is part of the reason the thing is I also lay down flat on there on my tummy on my front to pull up the bell the dumbbells you

know to exercise my shoulders my arms are back my chest but the pressure of my belly as I was laying on my stomach and my front was too much I was like oh this is weird but I can do stuff lying on my back on it things you know use I do think of flies which is a you know from side and then all the way up to the top and a few other things so it's also it's nice to have a bench there so I can sit on it as well but it's quite low

down I was surprised I expected it to be I suppose just below waist height maybe like middle of my thighs middle of my thighs you know sort of the halfway between my thighs and my knees that's what I mean why isn't it in me underpants no it's not so it's it's the level the seat is a level for like a little kid if it was a seat that is but it's definitely an adult weight bench 100% a big old heavy old thing so I'm going to be using that every day and working on my chest

muscles I need to get them a bit more tighter and you know just working on my muscle just upper body well now I'm on my back as well I really want to get my back strengthened especially my lower back so now that I've got the bench done I've got the box the empty box I'll get rid of that tomorrow probably which has just made some more space there's no longer just this box with stuff in it now it's actually something I can use and the sit-up bench the abdominal board is in my bedroom I'll probably

bring that in here as well and start using that too I've got my exercise bike there which I've not used for over a week so I'm going to start using that the only reason I didn't use it is because the room was too messy I couldn't really get to it now it's positioned perfectly so is the other bench so there's nothing blocking me from actually getting onto the bicycle so I'm going to perhaps tomorrow try and get on there for half an hour I had a little punch on the punch bag earlier as well which

is nice and then I did a recording about an hour and a half ago for my stress and pain relief podcast and then I did this and that I do believe is that so I'm going to upload this and then I'm going to go and I'm going to have a jacket potato oh yes oh yes yes I am and it's a frozen one so I just stick it in the microwave for I don't know two minutes or something and it's done it might be more than two minutes it might be ten minutes I can't remember

exactly but I will look at the instructions before I partake in that particular culinary experiment and I think I'm going to have some butter and cheese on top of it and that will keep me going for yeah a few hours I reckon yeah yeah right so that is it that's my day so thank you I hope your day's been good as well not that my day's been alright there's a lot more to do a lot of stuff to do and yeah maybe work on that at some point so thank you for listening and please remember

to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy lots of love bye