#502 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello to jasonnewland.com, my name's Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Now I hope you're well, hope you're doing alright and all that.

It is Thursday the 24th of September 2020 and it's 1900 o'clock. Yes, I learnt the 24 hour clock when I was in the Sea Cadets and my right ear is itchy right now. Which is a little bit annoying because I've got my headphones on.

Which means in order for me to scratch my ear, I've either got to take the headphones off or push my ear through the headphone socket. Which I suppose if I really heated up the end of my finger, it would perhaps melt through. But yeah, that's a lot of effort isn't it? And I suppose the whole process of... Well no, that'd burn my finger.

Oh no, okay. Anyway, it's itchy, that's the point. Itchy.

And yeah, so I haven't done a huge amount today. But I was working on the website. Oh yeah, the website in the early hours of the morning.

So, basically, did I say only listen when you can safely close your eyes? Well I have now. Yeah, so basically what happened is... For those that haven't heard the interesting story... Have you heard the interesting story? No? Well let me tell you. Here we go.

Basically, I... I'm trying to get it in order. What did I do? Yeah, I opened a podcast. So I transferred my website over to a podcast.

Which was with Podbean, although I'm already with Podbean on my other stuff anyway. But I paid them to host my website. And it just didn't seem to work.

Couldn't figure out why. I looked into it, spent a few days on it. Trying to figure out why it wasn't working for other people.

And in the end I closed it. I shut it down. So I cancelled that one.

It's better to have no website than have one that doesn't work. As far as I'm concerned. So I got rid of that.

And... I couldn't reopen the other one that I had before that. Because I didn't have the money to pay for it. Because it's $29 and I didn't have that money.

So... I started working on another website. That I'd already paid. It's only a small amount of money.

Like $8 or something. £8. That I'd already paid for.

$8.99 or something. And... It's basically the same company that I have my website domain with. So I was testing out their website thing.

Because I've been with them before. I've been with everybody I think. I'm a right old rascal when it comes to website hosts.

Bit of a player. Bit of a player. Do your old rat bag.

That's what I am. So I was playing with that for the last few days. Because I couldn't get my website open.

Because I didn't have the money for that. So I was like... I quite like it. Just huge... Huge amounts of work.

I mean like really months of work. To get it up and running. So... I got paid today.

It was like, I don't know, 1 o'clock in the morning or something like that. So the first thing I did was... I reopened my website. The $29 a month one.

By the way that's $29 that I pay. It doesn't cost anyone else. Yeah, joined my website for $29 a month.

Wow. Can you imagine? I'd make at least about... $29 a year out of it I think. So that's what I did.

So I got that up and running. This morning. And I spent quite a few hours updating it.

Because it had been out of action for a couple of weeks. I think. Yeah, I think the last Let Me Bore You To Sleep that I had on there was about... $482.

And I'm now... Well, yesterday I'd done $501. So that's quite a few, plus other recordings from other podcasts as well. So what I've done is... It took a while to do it.

But now... The website is up and running again. And all the links that were there before are now back. Any links you had to any of the different podcasts.

Any of the different playlists. Or the latest recordings. All that stuff.

Or maybe you have a favourite recording. And the only thing that's different is I had deleted all of the recordings that had music with them. And my plan is to put them separate.

Into like a separate category. Category? Category. Catogory.

But in reality there's not that many. Genuinely, there's about 30 or 40. So it's not a huge amount.

And then... The most recent ones I have added. The sleep ones. The music background ones.

So there's... Three, I think. Tree. There's tree here.

Let me just check. Latest. Let me have a look.

There's a heck of a lot of stuff on there. It's ridiculous. How on earth? How on earth? So this website basically... There's still some work to do on there.

You can download all of the recordings free. So that's it. You can stream them as well.

But you can download them for free. So you just download them. And you can play them on your phone or your... Tablet or your laptop or... I don't know what else.

Your watch maybe? I don't know if you... Can you download stuff to an iWatch or to a... Thing like that? Do you know? I think... Possibly. Possibly. So yeah.

So there's... I don't know how many. But just under 2,000 recordings available to download. All for free.

Dibbly dee. And that's cool. So yeah.

All is good. All is back. To how it should... Be.

Sitting in a tree. I don't know. Just... Other things.

I paid my electricity and gas bill. For some reason they didn't send me a bill in the post. This month.

And I got an email from them saying... Excuse me Mr Newland. I don't suppose you fancy paying your bill do you? You know if you don't mind. If you get the time.

I was like what? So I don't know why they didn't send the bill. I had to log on to the internet. Well log on to the... Their website and find out how much I owed.

I don't know. It was... I think... It was 70... How much was it? Was it 57? I'll tell you exactly. I'll give you all my information.

All my personal stuff. It was... £57.04 So this is for last month. For August.

Because I paid it in September this month. Next month it's probably going to be a bit higher. And then during the winter it can go anywhere up to like £140, £150 a month.

During the winter months. So I paid that off. The... I had my delivery today.

There was a few bits missing. So the bill should have been about £150. And they sent me a message this morning I think.

Yeah, this afternoon, this morning. Saying that some of the stuff... They had the stuff but they just didn't have the quantity that I had requested. So I had a little bit less than I had ordered.

Which is fine. It wasn't a huge amount. So instead of getting 10 packs of water, I got 8. And instead of 10 mouthwashes, I got 8. And instead of 10 wet wipes things, 10 packets of 4, I got 5 packets of 4. So... And... I got some beans as well.

They were all there so that's good. So I got 10 packets of them. And the rest really was just a bit of food.

A few bits and bobs to keep me going. I got stuff in the freezer still. Bit of stuff for the fridge.

A couple of loaves of bread. One for the freezer, one for the cupboard. A little board.

Some tea cakes. A little treat every day because I love my tea cakes. Which are basically... They're not cakes.

They are like hot cross buns. But without the crosses. They're nothing like hot cross buns really.

They are, in a sense... You can toast them. And I would probably say toasting them is the best way to eat them. I wouldn't eat one without toasting it.

Unless of course I did. But with a hot cross bun they're sticky on the top. Nor just these tea cakes I have.

They're not. What should they be called? Tea buns probably. Tea buns? Tea buns.

I'm struggling to bend my arms today. Because I did some weights on... I think it was Monday night. Might have been Tuesday night.

Monday or Tuesday. And I did... It's a bodybuilding thing where... Yep, I am a bodybuilder. It's where basically you push a certain muscle group to its absolute limit.

So you keep doing the weights. And you stop when you can't do any more. Have a rest.

And then you go back. And you do... Even if it's only three. You keep doing it.

And you have a little rest. And you go back. And you keep doing it.

To the point where you can't do anymore. So I did this with my biceps. And it's also my triceps as well.

My forearms. It's all been affected by this. By this training I did.

The day after I felt it. The day after I felt it a bit more. And today for some reason I'm really feeling it.

And I'm kind of waiting for the pain to go down. So I can then do a different body part. Because every exercise apart from legs.

Muscle wise. Most of the exercises involves the arms. Even if you've... Let's say you've got a barbell on your shoulders.

And you're doing squats. Unless you've got someone with you. You still have to lift the barbell up above your head.

To put it on your shoulders. So you're still using your arms. So the arms get a workout pretty much all the time.

I mean even doing... I don't know what they call them. But the thigh exercises. You know the ones where you're sitting on a thing.

And you've got the thing... That's a good example. You've got a thing over your... Just above your foot. And you're pushing it up.

And there's weights. Like one of those machines. And it basically works your thighs.

But even then you're holding on to a hand grip. So you're putting pressure and tensing your arms and your shoulders. Well I guess and your chest as well.

And your back and your stomach. So my next exercise group is going to be either my chest or my back. Now the part of me that really needs working on is my stomach.

But I'm saving the best till last. So I'm going to be working on... I've got my sit-up bench over there. And it's... I mean even my sit-up bench doesn't have any faith in me.

So I went over the other day. And I said I'm going to do some sit-ups. To my friend on the phone.

I'm going to do some sit-ups later. And the sit-up bench started laughing at me. You're like yeah sure you are.

Very, very rude. So I'm going to do some... What I do need is a bench. Like a bench, pressing bench.

Because then I can do a lot more exercises with the dumbbells. That I can't... Well I can do... Well some of them I can't do. But a lot of exercises for my chest and for my back.

It would be a lot easier if I had a bench to sit on. Like a long bench to sort of... Not just sit on but to sort of lie down on my back. When I'm doing flies.

Sort of for my chest. Or even stuff for shoulders and laying down on my stomach. To sort of work on my back.

My stomach, my front rather. It's hard to lie down just on your stomach. So yeah I'm going to... I looked at the catalogue to get one.

You know get it and then pay for it. You know off over time and that. But it was on there.

In the morning yesterday. And in the evening it had been removed. So I don't know what happened.

And I'm not going into any shops to buy stuff like that. I'm not carrying anything like that home. Plus I'm not going into any shops anyway.

I've got everything I need here. I don't have to go out and get anything. For the next week.

I've got all I need for the next week. Including milk. So everything's sorted.

Which is good. Which is kind of just as well. Because I've got no money left to do anything anyway.

So I've got everything I need. And next week I won't be buying anything. Because as soon as I get paid.

£150 goes out on bills. And then another £109 goes out onto the catalogue. And that's it.

Everything gone. So then another two weeks before I have any money to buy any food or anything like that. Most of what I've got now needs to last me for about three weeks.

I'll have a little bit of money to get some stuff. But it'll just be bits and bobs. I won't be able to get any deliveries or anything like that.

Because the minimum delivery is £40. And I won't have that much money probably to spend. So I'm going to be eating a lot of pasta I reckon.

Over the next couple of weeks. Which is ok. I don't mind pasta actually.

The only thing I don't, most like any food. The thing I most dislike is the cooking. The preparation.

Just not into it really. But once it's done I do like a bit of pasta. And I do know how to cook it.

It's not complicated. So. Yeah.

And I like it more, not al dente. But I think al dente is the correct word. I like it when it's, I don't want it when it's soggy.

I know pasta's not supposed to be soggy anyway but. I like it probably. Probably more towards the undercooked.

And that's lucky because it means I can't really go wrong. Because it's always going to. I feel a pasta is either undercooked or overcooked.

To get it just right. Is. I guess it's a personal thing isn't it.

And I suppose it also depends on what you're going to be doing with it. So if you're making a pasta bake. You cook the pasta.

And you're going to be adding sauce and other stuff. And maybe putting it in the oven. Then I guess.

There's different ways of doing the whole thing isn't there. So. But I don't do that.

I don't. What are you doing? Sorry. I'm just watching something.

On telly. And it's. It's put something in a bag to weigh it.

It's on a farm. I don't know what it is. Is it a vole or.

I genuinely don't know. It's a huge thing. I hope they're looking after it.

I don't like the. I can't see what it is. My eyesight.

What is it? Is it a badger? No it's. I think it's a. A mole. Not a mole.

What's the thing that live in the water. And they. They clog up the waterways with logs and stuff.

I think it's one of them. I'm not a horse. It'll come to me.

An eel. Not an eel. They're now showing one.

It's actually in the water. Quite cute. It's huge.

Tails are very ratty though. So. But they are aren't they.

They're kind of from the same. I forget the name of that but. Animals that have to.

Bite continuously. Because their teeth keep growing. Like squirrels.

Rats. Kangaroos. What are they? I could search it in a second.

It's just gone out of my head. And I'm looking at it as well. That's the strange thing about it.

So not badgers obviously. The. River.

Not hyenas. It's gone out of my head. Wolverines.

No. It's got a bit. Beaver.

Beaver. That's it. Beaver.

I nearly said goldfish and then I went beaver. Beaver. That's it.

I thought I'd remember that one. The lovely beaver. That one there is very.

It was quite big. And hairy. The tail was really long.

Nice hairy beaver. There's a fish there as well. He thinks he's Superman.

I'd settle for being Clark Kent. Because you could just turn into Superman couldn't you. I'd quite like to have the.

The superpowers without having to wear the costume. The uniform. The tights.

Not everybody could pull off that look. I mean there are a lot of superheroes. You know on TV and.

Various different like. Channels and films and stuff. But I don't know if I would fit.

With any of those particular. Uniforms that there are. Spiderman.

I don't know if I'd want a cape. It seems a little bit cumbersome. I just imagine it just getting away.

Especially if you're. If you're fighting the enemy. You know you have a big old.

Superhero punch up with a super villain. And what if the. What if the.

The cape got caught on a tree. Or a nail or something. I've been out fishing.

On this program. Will. Will Millard.

Melanie. Oh I saw something funny. Well it's not funny really.

But. There's this lady called Storm. And she does a TV show.

She. She. Apparently it's.

She's the support for. Jeremy Vine. On Jeremy Vine's TV show.

Which is on channel 5. Weekday mornings. And the. It's like a. A conversational.

Political. Ish program. You know where there's like.

Maybe three guests. Still whistles. So there's three guests.

And. They. Talk about the daily stuff.

You know. Whatever's going on in the news. And stuff like that.

Now Jeremy Vine. Is a bit of. Useless information.

I used to know his brother. Called Tim Vine. Who is a comedian.

And Tim Vine started out. About the same time as me. On the comedy circuit.

And he went on to be. Really successful. And he was actually the face.

Of channel 5. When it launched. In 1997. It's true.

He was the face. You might say. A TV channel doesn't have a face.

No but he was. He launched it. He wasn't the only one that launched it.

But he was. You know he had. Probably about three or four different programs.

On the channel. You know they really sort of. He was the.

The main person on that new channel. Yeah so there. Yeah.

Not interesting for other people to hear. But it's true. I used to know him.

I haven't seen him for. Years and years and years. He might not even recognize me now.

Because. I reckon I look different. From how I looked back then.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I reckon I do quite a bit.

And. So his. Brother is called Jeremy Vine.

And he's been on telly for about 122 years. And he's. He's famous.

You know he's been on. He was very much kind of into politics. Hosting.

Used to be part of the. Regularly part of the. Erection night.

Every four. Well he used to be every four years. But now it can be every two months.

Depending. Upon the. Political.

Landscape. And he'd be part of that. And you know so he's been around for a long time.

So he's got this TV show. That he took over from. Matthew Wright.

So the TV show used to be called. The Wright Stuff. Now.

It's pretty much exactly the same. Format. I think it's the same.

The same studio. Everything. But it's called.

What's his name. Mark Frost. Terry.

Yeah whatever his name is. It's called that. And.

The lady that helps. To support him. Who's on there as well.

And she's much more part of the show. Than she used to be. It's called Storm.

It's her first name. That's not a real name. I know.

That's. That's what she's called. She can't be.

Really be called Storm. I know. It's not.

It's not normal. Is it. But.

No. But if you can be called Sky. Why can't it be called Storm.

Yeah. Not really. It's called Sea.

Do they. Yeah. That's true.

Mind you. It's all thrown out. It's.

You know. It's. It's.

The rule. The rules. Don't apply anymore.

I say the rules. I mean. There was a time.

In. Probably. My parents generation.

And. Especially. In his parents generation.

Where you'd name your children. After. Members of the family.

It's. I mean. Not.

Not everybody did it. Obviously. But.

It seems to be quite. A thing to do. Now.

It doesn't seem to be. I don't know. Maybe no one likes their family.

Enough to do it. I don't know anyone that's named their kids after. I don't know anyone.

So that. That's not a good example. Is it? As I'm watching the screen.

It's another farm thing. And they're in the farm. It's another.

And there's a distance picture. Of. Some.

Bushes. And that reminds me. Of when I was.

In the sea cadets. Out on a. I think it was. We.

Away for the weekend. Or for the week. I forget.

But it was. Well. Supposedly a holiday.

But it wasn't a holiday. It was. Horrible.

And. Began with H. And. We were doing this.

Hike. Traveling all through. The countryside.

I remember. Seeing the bushes. In the.

In the. You know. In the distance.

Thinking. Why can't I escape from this? I want to go. I want to be free.

Just reminded me of that. Anyway. Storm.

Not a real name. But. Well not a real name.

But it might be her real name. Can't call someone Storm. She.

I've always quite liked her. I don't watch the TV show that often. But she comes across nice.

You know. Quite chirpy. They work together really well.

And she's been. She was on the show previous to that as well. Well I saw something that she did separate.

On her own. And it was a documentary. So it was an adult subject.

I'm not going to focus on the. The subject itself. I'm just going to sort of.

sort of give you, she was basically investigating street walkers or ladies of the night. Okay. And she'd been interviewing people and all that stuff.

And then at the end of the program, the last 10 minutes, she decided to get herself dressed up and she went and stood on a street in East London and she was being filmed from a distance. Yet she had a microphone and she was talking and stuff, you know, and it was, it was a little cringy. Just the reason for it.

It wasn't her fault. She, I think she just didn't, um, maybe, I don't know. I'll explain.

I don't know if this makes sense, but I'll try and explain it. Some of the things she said didn't really sort of make sense. She said while she was standing there, people wouldn't look her in the eyes.

So she felt uncomfortable because people wouldn't look her in the eyes. She's in London. People do not look at each other as they walk down the street.

You don't look into each other's eyes lovingly. It doesn't happen. No one said hello to me.

People don't say hello to each other unless they know each other. It's not like that, especially not in someone like East London. And she's, it was, it was almost like she was oblivious to the stuff she was saying.

And I think she stood there for about five minutes and she said the people did look at her, made her feel cold through. It was cold outside. So she was moaning when people didn't look at her, then she was moaning when people did look at her and saying that people were giving her funny looks, those that did look.

Now had she considered that maybe people were walking past thinking, there's that lady from the telly. It's Storm. She didn't put a different wig on or anything like that.

She just looked exactly the same as what she does on the telly. So you know, the fact is she's, if you're on television, daytime television, five days a week, then millions and millions and millions and millions of people are going to have seen you, even in a tiny little country like mine. Millions of people will see you at some point, even if it's just skimming through, some people might see the show every now and then.

So you're going to be familiar to them. So I think she probably didn't realize that, that if you're gonna go undercover to make a documentary, you need to make yourself look different. You know, maybe different color hair, that kind of stuff, just to go and look exactly the same as what you do on telly.

Just don't seem to work for me. That seems a bit strange. A lot of people aren't looking at me.

Yeah, because that's not what we do. It is strange. I've not lived in London for a long time, actually.

But when I did live in London, something you don't do is you don't say hello to people. You'll just walk down the street and say hi. It and say hi to people, unless you're not from London.

And then people will say, oh, all those Londoners, they're so rude. Not really. Well, I don't know.

Not really rude if you know people. But to say hello, it's not a little village where everybody knows each other, or by sight at least. Like around here, I say hello to people that I don't even know.

I've not done that in my entire life. I do now. Just morning, afternoon, evening.

And usually, I'll get a good morning back or a hi. You know, most people are quite friendly. Some people are not very friendly at all, and they shout at me.

So what are you doing in my garden? How did you get in my bedroom? So I just, I, you know, I try and fit into my environment. Which ain't always easy. But you know, giving it a go.

Giving it a go. Oh yes. I really am trying.

Hello. Morning. Well, I do find my voice goes higher, the friendlier I am.

You know, I wake up in the morning. And people say, hello mate, is that a ferret? I said, yeah. Yeah.

They say, oh, he's so cute. Oh, thank you. How old is he? He's about five.

That was loud, wasn't it? Oh, what does he eat? Yes. I can't get ready. My voice won't go that high.

Anyway, that seems to be what happens. 45 minutes in is not a time to be being noisy. Mind you, if I'd have just kept it quiet, and just one sound, and then nobody would have known, they wouldn't have known about it.

So the website is up and running. The website is up and running. And yeah, there's a few little bits to do.

The stats have been going really well this week. So thank you for everyone that's listening and stuff. I do appreciate it.

And so things from that angle are going good. And I've been lazy today in some ways, but then I had my delivery. And that was... Actually, I wasn't lazy.

I was up all night working on the website. So that's not lazy, is it? So my day, I was working until... I think it was gone five this morning. I was working on the website.

So yeah, it's not really lazy, is it? And then I went to bed, got up, had the delivery at three this afternoon. And, you know, it's quite a bit of putting away and stuff. And then I took André for a walk.

And now I'm doing this. So the day does go fairly quick. But I'm never without stuff to do.

There's always something to do. I just didn't... I wasn't really in the mood earlier, like during the actual day-day, day-day-day, da-da-day-day, da-da-da-day. And yeah, but it's, you know, I was going to make a recording and I got a phone call.

So that distracted me. Then I made a phone call. So I was on the phone for about an hour, talking to somebody that I know.

I was fine. I find that they're the best people to call. Find someone you know.

And might you have a better conversation with people I don't know, sometimes. It's fresh, isn't it? I've actually spoken on the phone for quite a long time to a wrong number. It's a long time ago.

I don't know if they called me or I called them. I'm not sure. Not sure.

But we ended up chatting for quite some time. It was nice. Not like period of time.

I think it was... I'm pretty sure it was one-off. I know, wait a minute, we got married. No, we didn't.

Did we? Have I been? I haven't been married, have I? It seems like something that I'd remember. Do I want to get married? I don't know. I like the idea of... well, it's something I've not done before.

I suppose it's in the same category as bungee jumping or wrestling an alligator, you know. Except it's probably, well, more dangerous. But I don't know, just in a category of something that I might like to do one day.

Even if it's just for a laugh. Just for something, just for something to do. I'm bored.

Should we get married? Yeah, I think I'm likely in the future to get married in Las Vegas or Gretna Green or somewhere where you can just go and just get married. Admittedly, Gretna Green would be easier because it's in Scotland. Mind you, I don't know because on a plane, New York's only a couple of hours, isn't it? Is it four hours on a plane? But I don't go by plane.

Yeah, I think Scotland would be better because I don't... I'd go by train. Man, you go by plane. It's much quicker.

I had a friend who lived in Ireland and he was always going on, oh, will you come and visit? We'll pick you up from the airport. I said, I won't be coming by plane. Well, what's the point? Why go by a ferry that takes all night when a plane's about an hour and 15 minutes? I said, that's not the point.

I prefer a ferry. He said, why? I said, well, just safety, just safety. He said, but you're not a very good swimmer anyway.

So if something did happen, you can't swim very well. I said, yeah, well, I'm better swimmer than I am a flyer. He said, we laughed.

You know, I can do a bit of paddling. I could do the dog, doggy, is it a doggy pedal? I can do a bit of breaststroke. I can't fly, not even a bit.

So I always thought really it makes sense, people in planes, for everyone to have a parachute. That just would make sense to have a plane that had people sitting there with parachutes on. So that just makes sense.

But I seem to be the only one that thinks that. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, made the angels sing. Oh look, oh, got an itchy, itchy palm.

I wonder what that means. I wonder what that means. So I forgot where I was.

What am I doing? So yeah, the website and the listens and stats and all that stuff is pretty, pretty good. Oh, I got a friend request from Joel Williams. Who's Joel Williams? It's quite weird.

Okay. They've got this friend request. I can take my glasses off.

He's got a hat on and a moustache and a beard. I've got one mutual friend. Oh, I don't know who he is.

I always tell my residents to never forget that we have the opportunity to do one more good in one day. Okay. He's an orthopedic surgeon at the US Army, studied at the University of Sao Paolo.

Is it Sao Paolo, Brazil? Lives in Kabul, Afghanistan, and is from Miami, Florida. Oh, that's a, that's a mixture, isn't it? Okay. So I've been a little bit, a little bit careful about who I add lately because I've had some fairly, very unusual additions or people wanting to add me and that don't seem like real people, not real profiles.

I had one add me the other day and when I went to sort of, I always check the profile first. I don't just respond. I used to just respond, yeah, yeah, whoever.

And then I started getting bombarded by people that were clearly fake, you know, sort of trying to, thinking I was desperate and maybe they did know me. Word does get around, but you know, I'm not the right person for someone that thinks that they can like flat their eyelashes and talk to me and think that I'm going to start sending them my life, my life's savings. Wow.

I don't really, I don't think that it's weird. I can't imagine there's someone probably in Ghana or any country apart from England or maybe England, but probably from someone somewhere, the other side of the world, India, Australia, Africa, Thailand, somewhere where it can't be traced. Sending me messages on Facebook, thinking that they can, I don't see why anyone would look at my profile and think, now I bet he has been born into money.

He, now that's a wealthy fella. I don't think anyone's going to ever think of me like that. And I'll tell you what's really weird.

What I struggle with is when someone adds me and generally it's women, like the fake, these are the fake accounts I'm talking about. And they start like, hello. I say, yeah, what? Like, how are you? Why did you add me? I'm looking for a man to spend my life with.

And I thought it might be you. So out of the billion plus people that use Facebook, you zeroed in on me. Well, I don't even know what you look like.

Because, no, I don't know what you look. Well, how could you add somebody if you don't know what they look like? If you've not looked at their picture, on their profile picture. Well, you've got a picture of a ferret.

Forgetting that part. You can still look at other pictures. I forgot about that.

Yeah, I really like hairy men with sharp teeth. Um, yeah, I hadn't thought about that. But the whole idea, yeah, I'm looking for the love of my life.

So I thought I'd send random stranger a message. Yeah, that's gonna work. But it's not true.

It's not real. I've gone down that road before I actually got sucked off, not sucked, sucked into it a bit years ago. And I don't know why I thought that this person was genuine.

But when she or he, because you don't know if it's a person who don't know who's the other side of the screen, unless you actually speak to them on camera. And a lot of them don't want to do that. I think she said to me, or he said to me, wait in order for me to talk to you on camera.

I can't do an accent. I've got to stop doing this accent. In order for me to talk to you on camera.

I need you to send me $200 to $200 to buy said camera. So yeah, it's like, come on, how maybe they do look at my profile and look at my pictures and think, now he is desperate, but I'm not. Genuinely not desperate.

I just, I've got a good idea. Why don't we, I know you live 10 million miles away. We'll just have a relationship, shall we? We've never met.

You don't know who I am. No, I already have friends online. Thank you.

It's not that I don't want any more friends online, but I've already got people who like me. You know, so I don't need a complete stranger to, I'm not, I need your attention. I just realized I was going to say, I'm not an attention seeker, which is why I make hour long podcasts talking about myself every day.

Oh my dear. Wow. Maybe I really am the shadow that I'm pretending I'm not.

Yeah, so when I get friend requests, the amount that I get that just I look at the profiles and the first thing you see is on there a picture of a female. I mean, maybe females get like the opposite to that with pictures of, I'm just thinking, because I get, I get fake Facebook ads from people, people who want to add requests or whatever, with pictures of women that are probably not them. So I'm wondering if there's any women out there that get the same kind of thing, like fake Facebook profiles, trying to add you as a friend and they're doing kind of the same thing, but I put in a picture of a gorgeous man on there.

So if anyone ever gets an ad and it's a picture of me on there, I just imagine I'd be someone that they would use. I imagine that. Yeah.

And then there's, on these profiles, if you want to see more pictures of me, you just got to click on here, tiny.com or something, I don't know, some weird website thing that links. I think it's tiny, everything seems to be the same name. Tidy, tiny, Tyree, something.

I was like, no, thank you very much. But I'm an adult. Thank you very much.

Thank you. I'm not, I reckon when I was 12 or 13, I'd have just bought that stuff. I don't mean financially, but I'd have believed it probably.

Okay. I'll be at school. I can't believe it.

I got a friend request from this really hot girl. Yeah. She's a supermodel.

She looks just like Claudia Schieffer. Jason. Yeah.

That is Claudia Schieffer. Told you I was hot. Claudia Schieffer wants me.

Jason. What? I think it might be a fake profile. Of course it's not fake.

Nothing fake about Claudia. Jason. Go away.

Leave me alone. But I don't think you understand. I understand jealousy when I hear it.

Oh. Yeah. Jason.

Jason. Yeah. What? Why are you laughing? Well, I've got a question for you.

Yeah. What's the question? My parents want to know something. They want me to ask you a question.

Yeah. What? It's about last night. It was about three in the morning.

Yeah. What? Oh, they'd like me to ask you, what were you doing in our bathroom? It was not me. Why? Why'd you come up with this stuff? Just because we're doing a podcast.

You have to say stuff like that. You're just showing off. What are you trying to embarrass me and stuff, are you? Yes.

Well, it's nice of you to admit it, but why would you do that? We're supposed to be friends. Well, I don't really exist, do I? Oh, here we go. It's one of those conversations that's just too weird to even follow.

Yes. I was hoping it would be something of that nature. Yeah, but I don't.

Honestly, I mean, you could just turn into an albatross and it would still make sense. But I'm not an albatross. Yeah, I didn't say that you were an albatross.

No, I never was. No, I mean, I'm not saying that you are. No, I'm not.

This is hard work. No, I think you'll find that working in construction is a lot harder. That's weird.

What a weird thing to say. No, but it made you giggle. It didn't it.

Yeah, why did you say didn't it with didn't like that? I was trying to sound like the early East End characters from the TV show, The Long Running Soap Eastenders, because when they started out, they used to say didn't like that instead of didn't. It was a didn't. But no one actually speaks like that.

So I was just trying to say that in the hope that I could talk about it to you. Okay, so when you said talk about it to me, why did you say talk about it to you? It's all about how I talk, I suppose. I mean, I could have said it's how I talk, I suppose.

But what I want to say is how I talk. I suppose, you know, it could be different ways. It doesn't really matter, do it? Does it? I don't like being corrected.

In that case, I accept your apology. You just crossed the line, Sonny. You just crossed that damn line.

I don't see any need for your attitude. Oh, I was just joking, just joking around. Well, aren't jokes supposed to be funny? I don't know.

I've kind of, I'm not sure anymore. Why do you say that? Your voice is changing. I know, I forgot what it was like before.

I lost concentration. Try and stick to just, I mean, my voice is the same, it hasn't changed. Yeah, but you're using your own voice.

What was that? That wasn't even the same accent. I think it was the same accent, actually. This is weird.

Just talk normally like you did before. I'm gonna try and talk normally, but I kind of lost track of where I am. Come on, just do a normal, go talk normal again.

I'm gonna try and talk normally now. Just say I'm, I'm gonna try and talk normally. Sounds like a chipmunk.

I'd like you to know that I'm not a chipmunk. I'm not. All right, can we stop this now? Oh, you want to stop? Really? You want to stop? Yeah, okay.

We can stop, you know, don't have to continue forever. Yeah, Ianandre's annoyed now, so I'm gonna go. Say goodbye to everyone.

Bye. Love you. Love you too.

Right, well, that's the end of the recording. Thank you very much for listening. Remember, remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy.

Lots of love. Bye.