#478 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is Let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen and you can safely close your eyes.

So today, what have I done? I put the bins out, I put the recycling out and collected. This started off even more boring than I thought it was going to be. So, what else did I do? I, so I went to the garage fairly early this morning.

And because I needed to get something. And then I came back, had my breakfast, had a cup of coffee, sniffle sniffle, and I watched Cheers. And then I went to bed.

Then I got up for a little while and went back to bed. And today, I've been very prolific is correct, but active. In as far as the Wow, how I just seen something's come up on my website, on my Facebook page.

On this day, today, one year ago, there's a video I posted. And it was, well, it was a live 200th special for the Let me bore you to sleep. Wow, I was celebrating 200 episodes.

And now I'm on, this is number 478. So I've done 278 recordings in a year. 278.

So it's not one every day, obviously, but so there are gaps when I don't make them. Still quite a lot. But yesterday, all my troubles seem so far away.

Okay. Today, the 19th, I'd made number 259 deep sleep whisper, lifting deeper. I did 172 relaxation hypnosis, for stress, anxiety and panic attacks.

Focus on how you feel at this moment. And I did two versions, one with and one without music. I did number eight, Jason's bedtime story time, sleeping beauty.

That lasts over an hour. And then I did 173 relaxation hypnosis, for stress, anxiety. It's called self love.

And I did you are not just your chronic pain, which is a chronic pain release session. So 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. And this will be the 7th recordings on the 19th of August. That's pretty good, isn't it? Hmm.

Well, I do need to go to the toilet. Well, that is not really something perhaps I should tell you, but I do. I had a message, I had a couple of messages, and I didn't understand one of them.

And I've not got around to replying, but then I had a reply. I'm not going to read it out, but I'm just going to sort of say out loud to the person just so you know, I'm not ignoring you. I've just been so busy focusing on making recordings.

Part of the reason for that is because I go through periods when I don't perhaps have the motivation or the energy to do anything. So when I do have it, I kind of do as much as possible. Yeah, so on the 18th, I did 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. I did 6 sessions on the 18th.

The 17th, I did 1. I did 1. 16th, I did 1. 13th, I did 2. 12th, I did 1. 11th, I did 1. So, you know, it comes and goes. Yeah, I sort of go through periods, and I try and do at least one call in a day. The thing is, I, oops, Molly left a message.

I won't read the first message. And she wrote, off topic. You've been on a roll lately, never seen so many new recordings.

Hope you're not working too hard. X, ox, xox, sox. X, I, X. You know what Molly, you know, I literally just got that message through as I was, well I just did a poo actually, I just pressed pause and I'm not in my pants, I went to the toilet.

I didn't have to tell you that, why am I telling you that? I tell you, if you ever, I sometimes worry that one day I'm going to upload a recording without editing the beginning, because if you hear some of the weird things I say before I start the recording, I do, I make some weird noises, what's that about, I believe in loving, yes I do, yes I do, yes I do.

Yeah, I don't know, it feels like work at the moment, but not in a necessarily a bad way, because I'm not a lazy person, I'm doing this out of, I suppose love, you know, I don't know if that's the right word, but I'm doing it out of the love of doing it, the wanting to do it, not doing it because I have to, because I don't, however, however, however, I don't know, I quite like, it's a bit of a challenge, because I know no one wants to hear about the stats, but I'm going to talk

about it anyway, not all the time, just briefly, so yesterday I had 6382 downloads, and today so far I had 5454, and there's still about two hours left of the day, so I'm probably going to get more, I probably will get more, so I probably, I might have sort of six, seven thousand by the end of the day, now that stirs me up, stirs me up, gets me excited, gets me tingling, you know, and you may say, well why, why, JJ tell us why, I'm not sure, see I did the Jason's Bedtime, I don't know

why I'm laughing at that, did my eighth bedtime story, Sleeping Beauty, and it's a slow burner, okay, I've only had 50 total downloads, so the number eight Jason's Bedtime Story has had four downloads on the actual podcast, so, which is, you know, not a lot, obviously not a huge amount, but I said 208 downloads on my Sleep Insomnia Hypnosis podcast, it's had 201 downloads on my Hypnosis for Sleep and Deeply, it's had 20 downloads, 20 downloads on my Jason Newland free hypnosis service, see the stats are going up there, by 173 downloads, so it's not

a huge amount per day, but none of the podcast episodes get many, but these will all grow over time, yeah, and I think that's the only place, yeah, there's nowhere else it would be, so I'm hoping the Jason's Bedtime Story time will grow, and I'll also post it on the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast as well, and it had, I don't know, I didn't, I didn't post it on there, that's terrible of me, I should have done, shouldn't I, I do apologize, I always post the story ones on this podcast, wow, wow, am

I literally, I don't know, that's weird, because the last one I had, the number seven had 213 downloads, that was Andre the Third Discovers Unconditional Allure, now it's the 28th of July 2020, I have to do that, I do apologize, I mean, this was where the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast is where I originally posted those new podcasts, the new, you know, story time things, just as an experiment really, and because they went down quite well, I decided to, after I'd done about five, I decided to start my own podcast just for that,

but at the same time still sharing them, because they are sleep records, yeah, that's weird, blimey, 19, 18, 19, 20, so I had a peak of rise in 760 downloads from the Deep Sleep Whisperer podcast, you in here, very mumbly, wasn't it?

See, I did, that's the thing is, yeah, I did a chronic pain recording today, called You Are Not Just Your Chronic Pain, and I put it on my chronic pain hypnosis podcast, two downloads, and altogether, for all of the recordings, and I've got 54, I've had 12 downloads for the whole day on that podcast.

Yeah, thanks, Andre, shush, it's almost like it's a waste of time making a recording, and it's a shame, because I know what I need to do to to reach a larger audience with the pain relief stuff, unless I start a new podcast, and just, I don't know, I don't know what to do, because if I want to spend, you know, an hour or two, putting together a podcast episode for chronic pain, you know, recording it, editing it, uploading it, all the stuff that's involved, I want it to be listened to, otherwise there's no point, that's just, what's the point?

It's like cooking dinner, isn't it? If you cook dinner for, I don't know, maybe your family, and then no one wants to eat it, eventually you're going to stop cooking.

Oh, that's a shame. Let me just, I did the, yeah, I did the self-love relaxation for stress and anxiety, self-love, and I did the pain relief one, I think pretty much afterwards, not long afterwards, and so far on that podcast, I've had 110 downloads of that one recording, just in the last couple of hours. I don't know, I don't know, even the relaxation podcast I've got doesn't get many, but 316 episodes, relaxation hypnosis podcast, and I had 48 downloads today.

What do I have to do? I don't know what I have to do to get them to be popular. Oh, anyway, that's the stats, that's the stats. I won't talk any more about the stats, because I don't want to over-excite people.

So I got paid today. Why is my, did you hear that? The iPad just tinged. For what reason did it ting? Oh, this is from Mary, I'm not Mary.

So it's my, my address wants to send me a birthday card, I think. So I shall, I took it off my website because I just figured perhaps it isn't a good idea to have post addresses on websites. So I'm not going to get the, I was hoping to get lots of birthday cards, not even, oh yeah, I suppose it's just for an ego boost, really, just to, to have one birthday.

One birthday where I got some cards, more than like maybe four or five cards. That's the most I've had, probably since I was, I don't know, 18. But I asked, a part of that is because I've not created my own family, but invested some of my sperm in creating children and grandchildren and all that stuff.

I could have had lots of cards, I suppose, if I'd have been inseminated, inseminated. And also, yeah, I know I'll get a card from the parents and hopefully from their little brother. I hope so, I mean, I might get one from the sister and the other brother, I don't know.

I haven't actually seen anyone. I'm not, I'm not, I'm, I'm, I'm sure I'm not the, you know, in the minority here either. But I've not seen any member of the family this year.

At all. They only live downstairs. They keep hiding.

It's really weird. There's a glass door. It's a glass front door.

They think I can't see through the glass. He stands there. Dad just stands there with his hands over his eyes.

He thinks, if he can't see me, I can't see him. Is he three months old? He is. He's three months old.

So, yeah, I haven't seen anybody, any family. So, my dad's wanted to come down and see me for my birthday. And I said, don't, because he's in a vulnerable group, you know, his age, he's, I don't know, 74, 75, 93, I don't know, something like that.

And I don't want to come in here and catch him anything, you know, I just want him to stay healthy. And so, he talked about sort of meeting up in one of the, there's like a restaurant place near here. And I just, I know from what I've seen, especially during the lockdown, the amount of people that were not locking down at all, you know, not taking it very seriously.

So, I don't really trust the people around here to be sort of getting too close to them, really. Some people took it seriously, but there's a lot of people who didn't seem to at all. You know, here was me walking around with gloves on for the last five months.

Never went out since March, I've worn gloves. Well, I did, and I've run out of them now, because they're cotton, well not cotton, but very thin white gloves. But they've, they wear out very quickly and get dirty pretty much straight away.

And I had, I had quite a few of them, but they're down to my last pair, actually. In fact, I'm not, I'm down to the last three. So, I don't know how I've got three gloves.

I must have walked down accidentally with just one glove on once. Maybe I thought I was Michael Jackson, it's possible. Or I hope I didn't.

Or what else did I do? Oh no. So, I, um, so I said, no, it's, you know, don't come down here. I can't be going into it.

It's just the whole wearing a mask, sort of face coverings, and then just queuing up, and then, you know, giving, you know, your name and your telephone number, probably have to book beforehand. And it's, it's not even a proper restaurant. It's just a, it's like a cafe that sells food.

That might sound like an obvious thing, but it's, you know, I think the food's nice. It's just, it's normal. Okay, a restaurant is somewhere that you go and you eat, and it's quiet.

And it's, there's a degree of intimacy, isn't there? This isn't, this is just, people take their children. If there's crying babies, then it's not, it's not a restaurant, is it? It's not. It's a garden centre.

So, class it as a restaurant. It's a big old place. And it's nice in there.

I've got no complaints about the food or anything like that. It's very busy, though. It's just a bit too busy for me.

So, yeah, I just, yeah, I don't really like it in there. I don't mind it, I just don't. And, you know, if you're having a private conversation, it's surrounded by people.

It's, I don't know, just, it's like having a bath in a swimming pool, you know, for me. It's, it's self-conscious. There's no one around.

And there's always someone with cameras, you know, someone checks the security cameras and you get banned from the swimming pool. Especially, it's annoying, especially when you've figured out ways of hiding the soap, you know, on your walk to the swimming pool. Anyway, getting them specially made like that, it's not easy.

So, I'm 50. I'll stop talking about being 50 once I'm 50. I think I've decided.

Not I've decided or I'm thinking about, I think I've decided. This is going to be the last birthday that I recognize. And then I'm just going to forget, forget birthdays.

And then in 30 years time, people will ask me how old I am and I'll say, I don't know. And I'll say I was born in 1970. You figure it out.

I was born in the last, what decade was it called? Century. I say, yeah, I was born in the last century. Not just in the last century, but 30 years before the end of the last century.

I was born when Gary Glitter was popular. It's just, it's strange. Sometimes I think, do I feel 50? Then other times I think, yeah, I think I do feel 50.

Then other times I think, what's I'm telling? Think different things. I'd say the only real thing that would be noticeable for being older is how I look. It's my physical appearance, my thoughts, my brain and my thinking and my behavior.

Other than that, I'm exactly the same as I ever was. Physically, I don't personally think I look 50, but I don't know. It's hard to know, isn't it? Because to me, it's hard to not look 50 when you know you are 50, nearly.

I can't fool myself by doing a guessing game with myself. So the lady downstairs, the one that is not with us anymore, she was a little bit younger than me. Literally, like maybe a year or two.

And I've never seen a woman of her age look as young as she did. I might have done, just didn't know. I don't go up to everyone I ever see and say, how old are you? Because that would be rude.

But they, you know, when I first met her, I thought, wow. Because she looked, you could easily pass for like 30. And she was 83.

I was like, wow. But it was different because I didn't know how old she was. So I was kind of guessing.

I always go for a higher number anyway, because it annoys people. So someone says, how old are you? I'll guess. I'll always go way above what I think they are.

It's just fun, really. I think the thing that I've noticed with me is I think I'm calmer as a person, generally. I do want a quiet life.

But I also do want to, I'd like to have some enjoyment. I've realized that I've had very little in the way of enjoyment in my life, especially for a long time. I mean, the whole time I've lived here, five years, other than with Andre, I've done very little apart from make recordings and work on websites and sleep.

So I'd like, even before that, even, basically the only thing I've really put all my energy into since 2004, actually, not just 2006, but since 2004 has been this. In 2004, for two years, I tried to promote myself for chronic pain relief in my local area. And I also used to make recordings, but for myself.

I didn't put them online, I don't think. Although I might have done. It's a long time ago.

I might have put a few recordings on a website. I used to have a website called helpwithpain.co.uk. But I got no interest at all. So it was only in 2006 that I got interest.

And it really kind of snowboarded. It was pretty good. And everything kind of came from that.

And what I'm doing now is that from that, because the first recordings I did were live recorded, recorded group sessions I was doing. And even when I was doing my degree, three years full time, the most important thing to me was this. I tell you what's strange, is when I look back at my work then, I don't think of it as being any good.

I kind of think of what I do now as being better than what it was back then. But it was really popular back then. You know, only equally as popular as it is now.

Okay, not as popular as it is now, but kind of in a way, I don't know if that makes sense. On YouTube, I was getting, you know, quite a few downloads, plays, podcasts, getting downloads and stuff like that. And I was getting a lot of feedback, a lot of people saying nice things to me and, you know, things like that.

And that was happening, but go back, or go back as far as you want, you know, 2010, 2008, 9, 11, 12, 13, 2007. But for some reason it feels different now. It feels, I don't know why, I think it's, I think the quality of the recordings weren't as good as they are now.

Although they're not perfect now either. But they're pretty clear. It's not a huge amount of background sound unless Andre pops up.

I just, I don't know, I didn't know. I almost think that all I was doing before was rubbish. And then I think back to the amount of people that really, really liked what I was doing.

You know, I had people buy me laptops, people, I had a lady took me on a holiday with her. It was an iPod. But, you know, she took a video, made videos of her cruise.

I had hundreds of testimonials and everything like that I used to keep. But almost it seems like a lifetime away. Just as if that stuff back then wasn't valid, possibly because no one's listening to that stuff anymore.

It's almost archived, you know, archived stuff. Hidden away, still on the website, still on the podcast, a lot of that. But I reckon that's probably how it will feel like when I, in five years time, 10 years time, when I'm making recordings, and I look back on these days, you know, I remember when I was nearly turning 50.

And I'm just about to turn 60. I might be thinking back to these days and thinking, what was I doing? I was so amateurish. I was just, why did I do that? So I don't know.

I don't know. It's hard to know the answer when you don't know the question. So yeah, just almost if I stop and think, I seem to come to a bit of a stand still, a little bit of a, oh, what now? Instead of just go on with it, make another recording, do another.

And I like to do stuff when I'm inspired. So I had this idea for a relaxation session, the self-love one. And the technique really is, in a nutshell, is think of someone, close your eyes, think of someone that you really, really adore, really love deeply.

And someone that you just, when you think about it, you connect, you think about that person or that object of your love, you can feel the love being sent to them. You can feel that kind of beam of love, unconditional. And it feels wonderful when you do it.

So that was kind of the first part of the technique. The second bit is then to imagine that person holding up a mirror and reflecting that love that you're sending back towards you, to experience how it feels to receive that love. And that was, you know, it took a little bit longer for me to talk it through, like a, you know, I generally, why use 100 words when you can use 6,000? That's my stance.

I quite liked it, just because, I mean, I'm not saying it's my idea, I might have read it somewhere, who knows. But it came to me while I was sitting down, watching this, I don't know what it was I was watching. It was, I like to think about, I mean, I can just sit down and make a recording without thinking and put trust in my mind to come up with something.

Yet sometimes it's nice to at least have an idea, a little idea about, okay. So yes, that's what I did. So I did that recording, quite liked it, quite liked the idea.

It could have been longer, could have turned it into me doing a really long guided relaxation session. Well, I thought part of what I'm doing is to hopefully offer ways to people to help themselves, to have a technique that's quite powerful and works very quickly, very simply, using something that's very easy to tap into. So, you know, someone's got, let's say, a grandchild.

I know, for example, my dad, he can tap into his love for my grandchild, my grandchild, his grandchild, my niece. He can tap into that love instantly. You've only got to mention her name and his face lights up, his balls up.

So I know that he can tap into that feeling anytime that he chooses. So that's, I mean, he wasn't my, well, yeah, maybe he was kind of my motivation in the sense of knowing how powerful the love for another person can be. So I don't have that generally, but I've got it through Andrei.

I haven't met anyone that I really feel that way, you know, in person, I felt that way, really, not for quite a while. I mean, I love my nan, but she's gone. So, you know, all I've got is a picture of her and a table and a couple of other bits of furniture.

But Andrei, it's a bit of a weird one, though, because I think sometimes it's easier to have that unconditional love for someone that you don't spend too much time with. It's just what I seem to have noticed. So, you know, like a grandchild, you might see them maybe once a week, maybe twice a week, but you only see them perhaps for short periods of time.

And you kind of see them at their best. Not always, but, you know, it's, I'm pretty sure I always behaved myself with my nan, always. It's almost an unwritten rule.

You behave yourself when you meet grandparents. But Andrei doesn't behave himself. I love the bits.

He's my priority above everything else. There's only two things, two most important things in my life is this and Andrei. He is so annoying.

When he goes for it, when he really goes for the, to do everything he can to wind me up. And you might think he's a ferret. He doesn't know how to wind you up.

He doesn't think that way. He knows how to manipulate me because he's been doing it from day one. And you might think, no, ferret, ferrets, he doesn't know how to do stuff like that.

It's not, you know, they don't think that way. Okay, let me give you some examples. I had a wardrobe in my bedroom.

And Andrei used to lay underneath the opening of the door and push the door open and let it slam. When I was asleep, didn't do it when I was awake. Did it when he wanted to wake me up.

And you might think, well, how do I know that he wanted to wake me up? Well, I did that old trick of, you know, open my eyes up very, very squintily, you know, so I could see, but he couldn't see that my eyes were open. And he'd be on his back, pushing the door open and let it slam. He'd do it a couple of times.

And he'd stop and he'd look at me. Sometimes he'd actually stop banging it. He'd run up to the bed and look at me.

So he could get a better look, see if I'd woken up yet. And then he'd run back and start banging the door again. And then look at me.

That's a ferret that wants to wake his daddy up. There's no other reason to do it. And possibly to wake me up because he, like, probably wants to go for a walk.

Now you could, I suppose, is there any different from a cat going meow? You know, the cats go meow, but making a catty sound or a dog barking. He does know how to make sounds. He can make, he can make noises.

So when he's really annoyed, he goes, or he goes, you know, he does have a voice box, but he does, he doesn't bark. Really? What? You've got a ferret that doesn't bark? Really? Yeah. Now he would do the same thing in the kitchen with the kitchen cupboards.

Bang them. He would. I've actually seen him.

I've seen him doing it to the, it was the shed door. And he was pushing the door closed. Like slam, you know, pushing it so it clicked.

And I didn't know why he was doing it. I said, I had my, again, I had my eyes really like squintingly just so I could see. And he was doing it and he's running over it to see if I was awake.

And he'd go back and start banging again. Sometimes it's more obvious than that. And he'd actually climb onto the bed.

And he would try and wake me up physically. So if he starts biting my toes, that's not to wake me up, but that's to bite my toes. It's not interesting to wake me up.

In fact, he'd quite happily have me be asleep so he can actually eat the toes probably. Have a little feast. He loves feet.

Can't help it. It's his thing. But he'll climb on me and lick my ears, lick my hands, lick my face, lick my nose.

He's just trying to wake me up. And then sometimes he'll actually start to nibble at my eyes. He's never hurt me, just very gently, but enough to sort of wake me up.

I've woken up quite a few times where he's been just practically laying on my face, pushing at me, just trying to wake me up. So it's very, I don't know what it is. I think sometimes he just wants me to be awake.

He wants me, he likes me to be in the same room as him quite a lot of the time. Not always, sometimes he doesn't care. But at the moment, when I'm asleep in the bedroom during the day, he's asleep on the floor in a carrier, well, on a carrier bag.

That's where he's asleep nearly all day with me. He stays in the same room as me. He's asleep.

Sometimes he follows me around, literally follows me around everywhere I go for hours. You may say, why am I walking around for hours? Exercise. I live in a mansion.

And I'll be attacking my feet, or my croc crocs, are they? One of the things that I wear. He'll like grab hold of them, try and trip me up. And then he's scratching at the front door.

He knows he can't get out of the front door by scratching at it. But I'm pretty sure he knows that if he does it for long enough, I'll take him out. And he gets his way so often.

But once he sets his mind for something, or on something, he just doesn't seem to be able to back down. Doesn't seem to have that ability to just give up. I took him out earlier, twice actually.

I took him out for a walk and it was raining, proper raining. I knew that I was going to get soaked. So I thought, nah, I'll take him back inside.

Then I thought, nah, I'll take him in the garden. So I stood under a tree to keep myself dry and let him just, I was probably out there for about 15 minutes, just let him just wander around. I kept him on the lead, it's an extension lead.

And eventually he'd had enough and he wanted to come in. So I brought him in. And then I took him out again later to the park.

And I think he had enough and he's fine. And since I've come back, he's been cool. He's just chilled out and been asleep.

He's had his dinner, had a cuddle and he seems to be fine. So he is manipulative. And he is, it's something, he likes to do stuff with me.

It sounds weird, but if I'm in the bathroom, he likes to go to the toilet at the same time that I go to the toilet. That's a strange thing. So I'll be sitting, I'll be standing there doing the wee-wee.

And he'll walk into the bathroom, turn around and he'll do a wee on the floor, in the corner, sort of a step in it. It's almost like he wants to be part of what I'm doing. Because going to the toilet in the bathroom is not something he normally does.

He goes in the bathroom generally just to check there's no one in there. Doesn't go in there for any other reason. It's part of his patrol.

He patrols the whole flat, goes into every room. Looks around. And that's what he does.

Does every few hours. Just checks that everything's okay in his patch, you know. So he only goes to the toilet in the bathroom when I'm in there.

Then he wants to go into the bathroom when I'm in there. I still, I do, I know I've mentioned this before, but I never really knew what he did when I was in there. You all right Andre? Never quite knew what he did because I know that I'd go in there and I'd come out and he'd be lying there waiting for me to open the door.

I remember once he was in the bedroom and my friend went into the bathroom. Some guy had been asleep. I don't even know if my friend, he knew my friend was here.

And I saw him run up to the bathroom door and just lay down waiting for me to come out, not realizing I was still in the bedroom watching him. I just found that funny. Don't know why.

So he pretends he's not interested, but he is, I think. He's almost watching what I'm doing, listening, keeping tabs. He's more aware, I think, than I realize.

He's a good boy, but he's not protective towards me, I don't think. I don't know. If I pick him up now and hold him, he'll have a little cuddle and then he'll push me away when he wants to get down.

If someone knocks at the door, let's say a neighbor who lives across the hallway, knocks on the door and I'm talking to him and Andre comes out and I pick him up, Andre will stay in my arms for an hour even. He'll stay in my arms unless he needs to go to the toilet. He'll just, he'll cling to me.

And he does that if I'm out in public. I'll pick him up and I'm talking to people, maybe dog owners, it'll cling to me. Not in a kind of a scared way, just in a, I don't know what kind of a way, but it's something he doesn't do normally.

Usually he wants me to get off him, get off me, leave me alone. I'm not a child. And then other times, hold me daddy, hold me tightly, never let me go.

Just to let me out to figure him out. I don't think I have a role. I don't need to, do I? I don't need to figure him out.

He's his own person, does his own thing. It would be lovely though if we could actually, well it might not be, but if we could talk to animals, like properly have a conversation, I think it would change the dynamics. Within five minutes, the relationship would never be the same.

I mean, either way it went. If they were like, if they really were able to hold a conversation and pulled you up on all the stuff you did that you didn't, that they didn't like, then you know, you probably wouldn't like them very much after that. And if all they did was say, give me food, give me food, give me food, give me food.

I want food on that bottle, give me food. Give me water, give me milk, give me chocolate, I want this, I want that, I want that, get off me, give me a cuddle, get off me. If that was all they were going.

Take me for a walk, take me for a walk, take me for a walk. Tickle my tummy, tickle... If that's all it was gun on the head is what they want. gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme.

I don't know if we'd feel so... that lovingness would be there anymore because that's probably is what they're thinking but some of the time that's what humans are thinking as well isn't it I suppose. So I'm not a cat person however my Nan was. My Nan loved cats and when I used to visit her she... the cats... I mean the neighbors cats used to come in and sit on the lap.

Seriously all cats were welcome and there's something almost peaceful about having a cat purring on your lap. There's a different... definitely a different... it's a sensation that isn't anywhere else that I've experienced but the only cat I ever really bonded with and I don't know why this is but this cat she seemed to love me. I moved into this place with my cousin she was my landlord and there was this little ginger cat young but not very old but not you know I don't know fairly up about a year old maybe but she really took a shine to me and she used to come into my bedroom and sleep and cuddle me and she used to...

I was going through quite a difficult time of emotion at the time and she used to walk up and down my back and it was so relaxing.

It's almost as if she was draining all the stuff out of me and just leaving me feeling calm and she nearly took my eye out like once because I picked her up. She was asleep and when I picked her up she didn't like... I gave her a shock and she swung at me and cut me just near my eye. She wouldn't have done it normally but I don't know I must have just... I don't know why I did it.

It's just I caught her off guard but she was so... her her nails never came out ever when she was with me apart from that one time but she was always so gentle you wouldn't even know she had the fingernails because she was so gentle. Lovely, lovely girl. I've never really had a relationship with a dog This sounds like weird, weird sentences but I've lived with one, two, three, four, four dogs and I didn't really particularly feel close with any of them really.

I liked them but I didn't really feel... they weren't my dogs. I think it was only when Andre came along that I had that connection with an animal that was just really strong. I mean with a cat and I got on well with her but she wasn't my cat.

She was my landlady's cat but she just happened to like me. I think she just liked everybody really. She's really one of those really gentle cats and the dog there was lovely as well.

I mean all the dogs one, two, three, four yeah I think it's four dogs. One of them was horrible but I tamed him. He was just vicious but I tamed him.

I trained him to the point where I could walk in the park with him off his lead and he wouldn't even bark at another dog and then his dad would come and he would just get away with anything. He basically just is my friend who was my landlord. He let him get away with anything.

He just found it funny that he was out of control instead of... I don't know it was annoying. I put a lot of energy into that dog just because I thought he's got to be nice and he was lovely when he was lovely but wow when he wasn't he wasn't. I suppose my friend's got a dog.

Yeah my friend's got a dog so I kind of got to know that dog. This big big strong dog. Very excitable, very in some ways very gentle but in other ways not.

Just Andre tries to bully him by biting his toes and I have to keep them separate because that dog is so strong he could... I mean he stood on my foot and it felt like a human. Honestly it felt like an adult standing on my toes and he probably weighs about six stone this dog. I mean six stone.

If a six stone child stands on your toes you're not only going to notice it but it's not going to be like ow ow ow unless they stamp their foot on you. He stood on me and I couldn't move. So much strength.

Strongest dog I've ever known ever. But also loves being around people, loves humans. Not a big fan of dogs unfortunately but loves humans.

Loves the attention. Completely dedicated to my friend. You know he's the... My friend is his world.

He doesn't realize it but he is. It's a shame he doesn't realize it but I mean that dog adores... I've seen dogs like that I suppose but this one I've never seen up close. He doesn't like to even be away from him you know for more than... well ever.

He wants to be with him all the time. All the time. Now Andre is the exact opposite.

He wants to be as far away from me as possible all the time. Oh anyway. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

So I'll bring this to an end. There was another another hour of nothing. I do hope you agree.

So thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love.

Bye