#483 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com, my name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen and you can safely close your eyes. So, what on earth are we going to talk about, I wonder, I wang wang wang wang wonder, wang wang wang wang wang wang, she went away, diddly doodly doo.

I had a food delivery today, and it was a bunch of diet stuff, did you hear my stomach blub blub blub, stop it, I had to heat it on last night, because it was chilly and it's actually a little bit chilly now, very strange, I know it's the end of August, and I wouldn't expect it to be warm outside, I'd expect it to be room temperature inside, and you may say, yeah but it's always room temperature, if it's a room, then the temperature of the room is room temperature, no that's not what I mean, I

mean comfortable temperature where you can sit there and your legs aren't cold, and yeah, and I don't have cold legs, I don't have a problem with icy legs or anything like that, I've got an itchy neck, so yeah, I've got a lot of slim fast stuff, I think I'm too tired to do this recording, I'll try and keep going, so I want to say thank you to, I want to say thank you to, oh, Mari, thank you for your Paypal gift, thank you very much, I will reply as well, send you a message, I've been

trying to sort out my finances, so that the, all the bills and expenses around offering this online service is all kind of paid separate, or, you know, sort of organised, so I've been in the process of doing that, so everything connected, like the iPad, I've for this, I wouldn't touch an iPad, generally, to learn how to use the thing, it's ok, I'm getting used to it, but, you know, if it was just for my own personal use, I would, I'd really go on the internet probably nowadays, most of my internet activity is uploading and, you

know, making webpages, you know, doing all that stuff on the website and on the podcasts, that's about most of my, 99% of my online activity, the rest is bored, and I, so I think, is it the other way round, it's the other way round, yeah, it's a bit chilly in here, maybe it's this seat, I was sitting in the brown seat, but it's quite a cold seat, it's weird that a seat should be cold, it is, even the fabric is not warm, it's kind of, yeah, it's chilly, cool, very, very cool, the kind of temperature

that you want a seat to be when it's really hot, not when the, ok, not a temperature you want the seat to be when the seat's really hot, because then it would be too hot, I'm talking about the temperature of the seat when the air around is a bit uncomfortable, heat-wise, it ought to cool your body down, so yeah, I'm trying to get a little bit more organised, however, with my, all of the food I got, the Slimfast diet food that I got, I'm sniffing, excuse me, happens sometimes, I did, actually had one of the

meal replacement bars, they're quite big, they're quite chunky, and it didn't do it for me, it really didn't do it for me, so this is going to be an interesting period, because I just didn't feel particularly well afterwards, physically, so I tried to concentrate on the process of my stomach, knowing that it takes a while for the food to reach your stomach to the point where you feel full, or you've even kind of consciously registered the food having been in there, and so instead of just eating and eating and eating, and then feeling like I

was starved, I ate something that wasn't enough for me, so I just thought I'll just concentrate on the feeling, and I'd noticed that gradually the hunger subsided, and I didn't feel full, I would feel full with that, but I didn't feel, I suppose I didn't feel hungry, I'm still working on it, it's a mindfulness thing really, and maybe sort of some hypnosis-y thing as well, I was focusing on it, but trying to manipulate how I was feeling, just being more aware of the tiny changes in how I was physically experiencing in that moment, just the

little changes, and it's not just in my tummy, it's an all over body thing, you know, it's when it comes to eating, it's more just your taste buds needing satisfaction, it's, you know, your stomach, but also you've got your brain and your mind wanting certain things, and expecting certain things, and being used to certain things, it's very vague isn't it?

But I am pretty determined, determined to stick to the process, and I've got enough, yeah, I've got enough diet stuff to last me for two weeks, the replacement meals and the snacks, over, yeah, at least two weeks, and I've also got all the food I need for six days, I can probably spread it out to seven days worth of cooked food, which I'm going to be steaming, which I'll be starting doing that tomorrow, so it's, you know, it's a lifestyle change, but it's a lifestyle choice, so I'm choosing, choosing, choosing to make these changes, yeah,

I am, and as I say that, the TV's on mute, and they're advertising burgers and stuff like that, Aldi burgers and beer, yeah, no, I don't need that stuff, can't put in beer anyway anymore, I'm allergic to beer, I did a thorn, you know, years ago, when I was early 20s, I used to, whenever I drank beer, I'd need to go to the toilet, and I'm not talking about number one, for some reason it used to go right, it used to upset my tummy, and so I used to end up drinking Coke, but the main

reason I drank Coke is because it was cheap, back in those days, Coke was, you know, not that it's hugely expensive, but you know, you wouldn't end up paying a pound for a can of Coke back then, maybe that's how much you'd pay in the bar, but I used to, yeah, I used to generally make one can of Coke last week all evening, because I'd spend most of my money on the travel card to get to the club that I was going to, the comedy club, they're the only clubs I really generally went to, I

did go to some nightclubs, but that was always with someone, like with friends and stuff, because they were normal, and that's what young people did, going to nightclubs, me, I was all about the comedy clubs, and apart from the odd friend, no one wanted to come with me, so I just, that was always my thing, it still would be my thing, even now, if I lived in London, which I don't, if I did live in London, I reckon the heating's just coming on, just lets you know that I've got the heating on a monitor, so

that if it goes below a certain temperature, the heating comes on, and the heating's just come on now, so you can hear the radio at the odd click, but it doesn't matter, it's just, it dawned on me earlier when I was doing a recording of the sleep, done a few recordings today, and I was saying, you don't need it to be completely silent in order to fall asleep, because if that was the case, I would have to stop talking, and you'd just be listening to a blank recording, there'd be nothing on it, which would, I

mean, if you're going to do that, you might as well just put earplugs in, and just lay down, which is how I used to sleep for years, I wore earplugs for a long time, the, you know, the things you stick in your ears, yeah, we know what earplugs are, Jason, you do know, all right, stop picking them up, I wore earplugs, and I didn't want to wear them anymore, after, when did I start wearing earplugs?

I started wearing earplugs in, I think it was 2000 and, I think it was 2002, I started wearing earplugs, maybe 2003, but it was around that time, early 2000s, and I stopped wearing earplugs when I moved into here, which was five years ago, in 2015, so for about 12 years, let's say, I wore earplugs at night, not all the time, there were times that I didn't need to, because of where I was living, I don't think I wore earplugs, okay, let me have a look, yeah, I went through a period when I didn't wear earplugs,

so I wore earplugs in the YMCA where I lived, and then I moved out of there because of the noise, and I lived in that room without any radiators, and yeah, I didn't wear earplugs there, because it was fairly quiet, like, neighbors wise, you know, there was no noisy neighbors at night, I think, but then when I moved into the Buddhist community, I wore earplugs, because there was, it was on a main road, and there was traffic for about 21 hours a day, full on, and it was about three hours when it was very quiet,

got a squeaky chair, I'll try and edit out all these sounds, you know, for example, this one, and I'll edit that out probably, so you can't hear it, it's hard to just sit like a statue, that's what I'm talking about, okay, earplugs, so I wore earplugs in the Buddhist community, then I moved out of there, didn't need to wear them in the next place I lived, because it was quiet, it was a bungalow, no, not bungalow, a cottage, detached, and pretty much after the evening, you know, there was nothing going on during the night, it's

very quiet, apart from the milkman who would whistle early hours in the morning, whistle, whistle, six o'clock in the morning, yeah, he'd whistle, whistle, I'm still in therapy for that one, I can't quite get my head around it, so then I moved out of there, and I moved into that really expensive room, it was £125 a week, this is in 2011, and I, I wore, yeah, I did, I wore earplugs there, but I perforated my eardrum with the earplugs, so I put them in too far, pulled one out, and there was blood on it, and

I stood up, and I fell over, because, and I didn't know what, oh really, like what, went to the doctor, and he said, yeah, or she, couldn't tell, because I was everywhere, all over the place, and I probably could tell, I just can't remember, and I, they said, yeah, you've damaged your eardrum, perforated it, and they said, hopefully that's what it is, it's either that, or it's something serious, and I said, well, I did have blood on the, what's it, the earplug thing, and he said, oh, okay, so it took a couple of weeks, and

then I recovered from that, so I didn't have earplugs in at all during that period, and I didn't have them in after that, and I was scared of doing it again, I didn't want to, you know, so I didn't have earplugs, then I moved again, and I'm pretty sure most of the time I didn't wear earplugs, but sometimes I did, so if there is a party upstairs, or, you know, I might wear earplugs, but generally, not as much, but I always had a pair, but I was in a box full of earplugs, and I think

I was wearing earplugs in the last, the last few months, because when I moved here, I was wearing earplugs, not when I moved in, you know, when my dad was shouting at me, Jason, Jason, aren't you going to help me with skirting boards, are you going to help me to do this ceiling, or are you going to break your other wrist, purposely, just so you don't have to do anything, and I didn't hear him, I mean, when I was asleep, when I was, I didn't put them in when I was asleep, I put them in

before I went to sleep, and then I thought, you know what, this is my home, the first time I've been able to say that, really, out, I suppose, apart from when I was a kid, that was my home, you know, it's a family home, but my own home, and this is the first time, and I thought, you know what, I shouldn't have to wear earplugs, and I think the only reason I'm wearing them is because there was lots of weird noises and sounds that I wasn't used to, but it was a new building, it was,

you know, it just, the buildings have their own sounds, don't they, so the radiator, and I think when I moved in, I needed the heating on, this was April, so it was still a bit cold, so the radiators were banging, and they weren't banging each other, I don't think like that, you know, clicking and stuff, there was the sound of sort of outside stuff, maybe the tree, the gutter was dripping, overflow, you know, just general stuff that I didn't really get, plus I was in, I was in an empty flat, and when I moved my

belongings in, all I had was a bed, a single bed, one chair, which I got rid of, and what else did I have, a couple of bags of clothes in black bags, and probably another bag of books, just a few books that I had, and then another bag of, probably a black bag of bits and bobs, and I had my laptop as well, and I had the goldfish bowl with the goldfish in as well, kind of need to keep them together.

And I think that was it, I didn't have, yeah, I didn't have anything else for the kitchen, so when I moved, everything else went, so I moved in, and what I did is, and this might have been before I even had the cooker delivered, before the heat, the electric and gas was even on, so I had to wait for that to be, you know, connected.

So I went to Sainsbury's, the shop, I got, I think I might have even walked there, can you believe, or, no, actually it would have made sense, I probably went there, I got the bus there from where I was living before, and I just so wanted to get out of that room, even if it meant living in an empty flat, I prefer that, just to get away, you know, I wanted to get in there, but as it is, I couldn't really move in for a week, I was supposed to move in on a Monday, and

I didn't have the electric and stuff attached or connected until the following Monday, so I didn't realise it had all been disconnected, because when I got shown around here, it was daylight, April, bright, you know, no curtains, the windows are fairly big, so I didn't need any light to sort of be shown around.

So I bought a cooker and a fridge and a, what's it, you know, washing machine and that, but they weren't getting delivered until the following week, ten days later or something, so I went to Sainsbury's and I bought, what did I buy, yeah, I didn't buy any food, I don't think, apart from the sort of pasta and rice stuff that I could put in the cupboards, but mainly I purchased saucepans, knives, forks, cutlery, proper knife, knives, you know, for the kitchen, a kettle, a toaster, what else did I buy, a butler, so I got myself

a little butler, and I remember I think I paid, it's a lot of money, I spent about £180 for all this stuff, might, maybe even more, might have been £200, but it's about £880, because there's no food, apart from maybe a few tins of beans and stuff, because I didn't have a cooker or a fridge or anything at that time, so I probably got some tea bags and some coffee, you know, that kind of stuff, and then I remember this, because I was going to order a taxi, but there's no taxis, so I thought, well,

I've just bought all this stuff, I can't take it home on a bus, there's no buses, because the buses stop, and they said, well, we can get a taxi there, but it's going to be about 45 minutes, 45 minutes, and Sainsbury's were closing their doors, and they were really nice, they said, well, you can just wait in there, we're still open, we're still, um, you know, putting their stock out, and all that stuff, so there's still people inside the shop, but they were closing the doors, I think they closed at something like 10 o'clock, and

I was the last customer in there, and yeah, very strange that I've got back, so yeah, I must have had the electric and gas on by then, and I'll probably, maybe I had, yeah, I must have had my furniture moved by then, but I still didn't have the cooker, or any of that stuff, so I might be getting it wrong, I might have had it, I might have been here for three years, and, but you know, it's a long time ago, so I'm waiting there, and I've got this Sainsbury's shopping trolley stacked high, all this

stuff, and I'm thinking, I can't believe I just spent £180, moving in here was the most expensive, yeah, the most expensive thing I've ever done in my life, so £600 for the carpet, it was, I think I spent about £300 on the bed, so what's that, £900, I spent £350 on the washing machine, so that's £1,250, I spent about £150 on the cooker, that's £1,250, £1,400, the fridge probably, probably about £100, so that was £1,500, that's kind of, yeah, I suppose that's, I mean there was also the, I don't know how much it was, but

£100, £150, £100 worth to get moved, for the removal, even though I only had a small amount of stuff, and so that's £1,600, I had to get the other place professionally cleaned before moving out, and that cost me, I think that came to nearly £100, and I had two people in there for a good couple of hours, it's quite expensive, in fact I've been there in there for all afternoon, and they said, oh we can't actually remove that because it's mould, and I said can you please put that on there, the invoice, so I can

leave it with this landlord, because he was denying it was mould, and because he basically said I wasn't going to get my, not refund, what do you call it, deposit, wasn't going to get my deposit back unless I left the room clean, and I'd spent two days cleaning him, you know, he was clean, but he weren't happy, so I got professional cleaners in, and ultimately this still wasn't done properly, because they couldn't, I mean it was done properly, but they couldn't do any more than what they could do, so yeah, it's about what else did

I have to do with this, yeah, I don't think it was any other expenses really, once I've done that, so I've got the washing machine, the fridge, freezer, it's only a small one, but my dad gave me a freezer that went underneath the counter, so I've still got it that way, so freezer under the counter, wash, fridge freezer, but fridge with a tiny little freezer box on top of the counter, and then a couple of years later I bought a freezer that is separate, and one that you open and leave at the top, which is

much better for me, so there's an angle, bend down, bend down, and what else, I think that was pretty much all of the cost at that time, I don't think there was anything else, the paint was good, because the council gave me a voucher for the paint to redecorate, which was nice, oh I did get, oh this is something I forgot, I did get, I think 120 pound towards the carpet, so I forget that, see I should remember that, because that was nice, I had to work for that as well, I got turned down initially,

and then I applied again, this time with pictures of the floor, with the nails sticking up and all that stuff, covered in paint, and they sort of changed their mind, so that helped to get the carpet, my dad paid the deposit on the carpet, so when it actually got delivered, well when it got put in, because you pay for the carpet, and then you pay the carpet, so it was like 600 pound for the carpet, and then there was another 150 or something added on, for the person putting the carpet in, the carpet layer, the

man who laid the carpet, had to pay him separate in cash on the day, and yeah, what do you mean he didn't declare it all, of course he did, I'm sure he did, so yeah, it was, oh I like that, when I first got the carpet, I was really pleased with it, I took pictures, stuck it on my Facebook and all that stuff, I was so, I was so pleased, I was so pleased, I did a video and everything, but before Andre came into my life, and then things started to change, yes, yes, yes, yes,

yes, they did, things really started to change, and the most beautiful carpet ended up being what it is now, which is something that I didn't show to anyone, not that I'd walk around with carpet in my pocket, look at this everybody, it's a bit of my carpet, walk around with a roll on my shoulder, so I didn't really like the carpet that I got in the sense that it wasn't thick enough, and I wanted it to be more soundproof, but because my dad was paying the deposit, he kind of had his say a little bit

on what I should get, even though I paid for it ultimately, so I just, yeah, I would have got, I would have got a thicker, soundproof, nicer carpet, and there's nothing wrong with carpet, but it's not, if you walk around barefoot, for example, or just with your socks on, it's not, it's thin, it's a thin carpet, it's not, it's not nice and cosy, I want a cosy carpet, that's what I'll get next, a nice, thick, soundproof carpet, and the plan is I'll probably do one room at a time over the next couple of years, and

I want the carpet to be, to come up with the underlay as thick as a skirting board, and then what I'll do is, I will take the door off, and just shave the bottom of the door, in fact, I'll be putting some new doors on it sometime, because the doors are horrible, they're just ruined, but I'll put on, you know, I'll shave them down so I can open them, but I have a big, nice, thick, soundproof carpet, that's what I'm looking for, so the first one I'll get will be for the living room, and then

I will get one for the bedroom, and the hallway will be last, but I'll also need to do something about Andre, I don't know, have him adopted or something, at the moment he's, I think he's lost respect for the carpet, because I've lost respect for the carpet, and I've not looked after it, although I'm going to be, because I've got a carpet cleaning machine coming tomorrow, my other one broke, you know, my friend said to me, you mean you broke it?

I said no, it broke, you mean you broke it? Why do things always have to be blamed? I don't have to blame people, I don't have to blame someone else, I definitely don't have to blame myself, but if I trod on it, or I banged it against the wall, or I sat on it, yeah, I could say, yeah, that was me, but the thing stopped working, you could say maybe it's because I accidentally cut the strip that goes around the wheel that keeps the thing going, and I accidentally cut it in half, you could say that was my fault, but then if it's an accident, an accident, if it's an accident, it's no one's fault, is it?

Isn't that, isn't that the rules of accidents?

It's an accident, if someone does something on purpose, then it's their fault, it's an accident, then there's no blame, they go wrong, so yeah, I don't feel the need to blame others, or to blame myself for stuff, for everything, I spent too much of my life doing that, I used to blame myself so much, I used to actually blame myself for things that happened to other people that I had nothing to do with, it's like, how did that, I suppose, get into kind of superstition territory, thinking I somehow had an effect on other people who

didn't even know me, you know, that I didn't, but it's that, you know, super superstition, superstitious stuff, that I, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to get rid of any of those superstitious beliefs, anything possible, in fact, I will actually go out of my way to do things that I used to think was scary, for example, walking on three drains, or walking on cracks in the pavement, things that I actually used to avoid doing, when, you know, it's just silly, I think the only, walking under a ladder, it's two things that I consider

reason why people don't want to do it, because the person could drop something on you, it's possible, I've been on a ladder, cleaning windows, and also painting, and guaranteed, when I get down from the ladder, there's either water or paint all over the floor, where people would have walked past, under, they'd have walked under the ladder, but I think what annoys me most about people with ladders is they take up the whole of the pavements quite often, so it's either under the ladder or over into the road, I kind of think we should be able

to just push the ladder out of the way, I know we're not supposed to, but, oh by the way, I just thought about something, if you've got a loved one in hospital, and you've been told you're not allowed to visit them, dress up as a nurse, or a doctor, get a nurse's costume, or a doctor's costume, I don't know where you get them from, probably Amazon, and then just go in, no one's going to stop you if you're dressed like a nurse, or if you're wearing a white jacket, white overall, just walk in, and you

can go and see the person that you care about, or not, of course, don't do that, of course, if it's against the law, I'm just talking in humour, uh, I remember when my friend was, uh, uh, I'll talk about that the other day, I won't, I had a lot of messages for Andre, so thank you, I posted a thing on Andre, for Andre saying, by the way, it's also my fifth birthday today, because he's five, the big five, there's been a lot of love sent to him, so that's nice, and also from people that I

don't even really regularly hear from, or maybe I've never heard from before, so I'm beginning to think there's more people on Facebook listening to me than I realise, because there's a lot of names that I don't, um, don't really, because there's a group of people, not a group of people, but there's familiar names to me, so maybe there's a lot more people listening than I realise, but on Facebook, I mean, I know how many people are listening, roughly, there's 22 and a half million people listening, I hear something I worked out, this will give you

a nice kick, kick of happiness, I worked out, right, I've got 12 cards for my birthday, or 50, so it's taken me 50 years to find 12 people that like me enough to send me a birthday card, so 12, so, um, so you divide that by 50, it's 0.

24 people a year, so that's times by two, so every four years of my life, I've not even completed making one friend, it's under the one, so you, I reckon it's, well, so I figured out, um, by the time I'm 60, 10 years time, I'll be getting 14 cards, so, um, by the time I'm 100 years old, I'll have 24 cards, um, by the time I'm 500 years old, I'll have 120 cards, so it would take me 500 years to make 120 friends, wow, so I don't know if that's particularly impressive, but I would have,

1000 years, 240 friends, I mean, for the, for my birthday, I've got, I've got some lovely cards, some from friends online, as well as a couple of, no, three, three friends, sort of real life friends, um, I've got a close friend that doesn't believe in birthday cards, and I showed him one, I said, look, they do exist, but, you know, there's no, no change in there, um, and I, so one, two, three, actually, I've got two cards from the same people, one was like a, quite a sensible card, the other one was really rude, so

it's basically, it's a man having a prostate exam, and it's an image, you know, it's a picture, not, not like a real life picture, but cartoon, probably wouldn't have got away with an actual, an actual photograph, and the doctor's saying, can you tell how many fingers I'm sticking up, or I'm holding up, or something like that, this is good, um, and then I've got, you know, some friends online, and then I've got a, oh, let's see, I've got, I've got a birthday card from my parents, and I've got a birthday card from my little brother,

so that was the only family cards that I got, two, so I've got a little, I've got a present from my dad, and from my, my dad's very generous, well, from my dad and my parents, it's my step-mom, but I kind of call her mum now anyway, even though she's only like 12 years older than me, no, she's not, she's 11 years older than me, she was 60 last year, and I'm 50 this year, so she's 61, she's 11 years older than me, but I want her to be my mum, so there you go, and

she, yeah, she introduces me as her son, so it's, I'll probably look old in her as well, it's kind of weird, but there you go, I've known her for a long, long time, I've known her since I was 17 years old, so that's, that's 63 years ago, and so I've got a present from them, I've got a present from my little brother, he sent me this book, Facts About Pooing, facts about poo, and you know me, I'm a prude, I'm just, I was shocked, anything like that, like wow, I think it was like a book

to read while you're pooing or something, I don't know, something like that, anyway, on Chris, on, what was it, on my birthday, my dad sent me a text saying, check the family WhatsApp, that's what I did, and there was some people saying happy birthday, you know, I don't know who, so Wednesday, I got one, two, three, four, got four messages of happy birthday, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, Philip, my little brother got eight, it's a competition, so I can't reply to Ian saying thank you, so it's, I don't know, wait a minute,

so my other little brother, happy birthday, someone else says happy 50th, I can't, I don't know who it is, because there's no name, just a telephone number, brother's girlfriend sent a message, happy birthday, so it's nice, my brother's girlfriend, my brother's wife, and my stepmom, so, but I didn't get any texts from, what texts did I get, let's have a look, let's make sure I'm not lying, so Wednesday, got a text from my dad, got a text from my friend, oh yeah, so I got four friends sending me cards, got a text from another friend,

got a text from my other friend downstairs, and okay, my little brother didn't send me a text, but he did send me a birthday card, and I got a text from another friend as well, so that was good, but family-wise, nothing really, you know, apart from my couple of people, so what I said is, at the end, I said, thanks everyone for the birthday cards and presents, I'm feeling very humble, so, it's interesting, I was saying, my little brother got a video message, but I didn't, okay, not today, so I was thinking, well, I'm usually,

I'm not always great at birthdays, I'm the best, I try and remember, but if I forget, I try and send one late, or, I don't try and send one late, I'll send one late, so I was thinking, oh, so I didn't even get a birthday card from any of the nieces, nephews, and not from the brother, little brother or sister, I thought, oh, okay, so, admittedly, I'm not always great with that, so I thought, well, it saved me money, because I no longer need to send cards, or presents, birthdays, or Christmas for any of them,

apart from my dad, or my parents, and my little brother, that's it, I've only got to send two cards, and two presents, my Christmas is going to be a lot easier now, because I always used to send, if I went, I'd try and buy presents, but recently, it's been more sending ambers of gift cards, so, it might only be £10, sometimes I try and do a £20 one, but, you know, if I'm getting, there's four nieces and nephews, and then there's, I end up, probably spending about £120 or something on ambers and gift cards, so

now, I won't have to do any of that, just get a couple of presents, and that'll be it, so it's gonna, it's gonna, so what was out of pocket at Christmas, was, cost me, I was, I always give more than I get, if that makes sense, not that I never, nobody bothered me, really, but I always seem to spend more than the other people spend on me, you know, I was so bitter, I'm so bitter, and now I'm not, not really, I don't think I am, but it's freed me from that, it's like, yeah, it's,

because every Christmas, every December, I get a text message from members of the family saying, oh, we're not buying presents this year, we're not doing that, are we, this year, and I say, you do what you want, but I'm still buying presents, and I always have done, I've run away through, maybe I missed a couple of years along the way, but generally, I think I've been pretty consistent for that, I do lose track of birthdays sometimes, every year, same text sent, worded the same, I've got about four years worth of the same text, word for

word, so this year, I'll say, yeah, no presents, no cards, and no one, but when we say for no one, we don't mean parents, you know, everyone, my dad would never, no presents, he wants presents, and he gives presents, he's very generous, with Christmas and stuff, so, and birthdays, and he loves the idea, he's got Father's Day as well, so that's an extra day, in fact, he did send me Father's Days every Friday for him, so, you know, when everyone says, oh, no presents, they're not talking about parents, they're talking about each other, no brothers

and sisters, but I think at the same time, they're not talking about the nieces and nephews, but I am, but if my nephew is not going to buy me a present, what am I going to be buying a present, you could say, well, he's two years old, that's not the point, that's not the point, get a paper round, get a job, you know what I mean, just, there's always ways to make money, so, you know, it's, you can imagine the old people, some people would be taking this seriously and thinking, you're evil, you're evil, you

don't even buy presents for the child, this little child, to go to work in order to pay for a present for you, no, of course, I don't want a small child to go to work in order to buy me a present, at the same time, I don't expect that child to expect a present from me, I'd love to be able to buy everyone presents, sometimes it's actually more fun buying people's presents when you know they're going to get you nothing or equal to nothing, you know, something that's maybe cost five pounds and when you say

it's a thought that counts, there's still no thought in that, maybe the wrapping up the present, that's this thought involved in that, because it's a talent that I don't have, the thing is, if you're buying for lots of people, adds up, doesn't it, and once you've got kids, that's the thing, I can see it from all angles, anyone that's got like three kids and then they're still kind of expected to buy presents for brothers and sisters and brothers that ain't even really their brother, just the son of the man that her mum married when she

was eight, you know, not really that important to her, then I suppose you have to prioritise them, you know, so I do, I do kind of get it, but I have to make fun of it, I have to, I have to verbalise it and address it, so this Christmas, the weird thing is, I say that, but come Christmas, if I'm able to, I'll be buying everyone presents, because, I don't know, this is not the right thing to do, old school I guess, you know, when I was a kid, Christmas was the only time of the

year where there was peace in the house, like proper peace, everyone was happy, it was the only time, really, and of course there was nice moments during the year, but I'm just saying, where, because there was four kids, so there's lots of argument, which is natural, it's just standard practice, four boys as well, so there wasn't even a girl mixed in to kind of keep the boys in check, it was just boys, and there was two years age difference between the top three, including me, or the oldest three rather, and then there was my little

brother, eight years younger than me, so Christmas, one way you can stop kids arguing is by giving them lots of presents to open, and one thing I can never ever, can never say ever, and I do sometimes moan about my childhood, I try not to so much, but I do moan about it, but a lot of it was my experience, due to my mental health, you know, so I didn't perhaps experience the pleasure that perhaps I could have done at certain times, you know, so I've been on holiday, perhaps didn't really enjoy it, when if

I'd have had a different brain, I perhaps would have enjoyed it, I would have done, I've always been solitary, I was about to say, I like being on my own, you probably know what being solitary means, I do, I like, I don't, I don't dislike people, I just don't like being around them all the time, but for too much, you know, the limit of an hour is about my, that's as far as I can stretch with one person, without feeling very uncomfortable, generally, it's just me, it's how I am, so being at school was really

difficult, I used to love sitting on a bed reading, that's one of my favorite things when I was a kid, my second favorite thing, well, probably my favorite thing as a family would have been the nice times, Guy Fawkes night, bonfire night, great, brilliant atmosphere, we had loads, you know, loads of fireworks at a bonfire in the garden, my dad went all out with all that stuff, and my mom went all out with the food, everything, you couldn't want for more, seriously, it was almost, it, yeah, you couldn't, it was perfect, everything, more food than

you could ever eat, you know, everything's, plus there's how many, four, so six of us there, plus there's probably my nanny granddad and my other nan, six, seven, eight, nine people, maybe even other family members, I don't know, or friends of the family, and it was great, never did Halloween, I don't remember ever doing Halloween, but we did Easter, but that was a weirder day, that was, I have these memories of going to Sunday school on Easter morning, and then coming back and opening the Easter eggs, so I think that was my parents' time together,

you know, a bit of quality time, and then eight months later, my little brother was born, eight months, nine months, I don't know, after they make it up, I don't think there's any specific time, and again, I had loads of Easter eggs, because we all bought each other Easter eggs, so I'd have a minimum of three Easter eggs, one for each of my brothers, three, one for my mum and dad, one for my nanny granddad, and then one for my other nan, so I'd have a minimum of six Easter eggs, and it was a numbers

game, really, so I suppose it's a bit greedy, isn't it, quite greedy, but I think what it is, is because for a long period of my life, in childhood, I had very little, in fact, I would say I probably didn't even have an Easter egg until I was about seven, so, you know, I didn't really have any presents or stuff like that, I didn't even know how old I was until I was six, I didn't know, I didn't know about things like age, and I was very backward, educationally, having moved around so much, and I

was probably not, it's a bit weird to say it, but I would have been, if it had been now, and I was six or seven now, I would be classed as special needs, that's the category I would be in, special needs educationally, maybe mentally, undeveloped, or slow developed, or whatever you want to call it, you know, emotionally, well, I suppose I'm still kind of classed as that, but, you know what I mean, is back then, I was just a dunce, that's what we used to call, that's what the teachers used to call people like me,

dunce, doesn't try, doesn't give it, you know, it's not worth bothering with, that was kind of a little bit like that back then, not of all the teachers, because as in any profession, you've got, you've got average, the majority of people in a profession will be average, they'll, you know, they'll do the job, they'll be competent, and they'll do the job really well, you know, be competent, and then you get the ones that are really awful, and then you get the ones that are amazing, and I met a couple of amazing teachers when I was

in high school, only two, maybe three, yeah, one was a maths teacher who actually treated me like a human being, and then he got ill, and he left, so he only had him for about the one term, maybe two terms, it's amazing, he spent time with me, telling me that I could do it, and because I was, at that time, they didn't know how bad my maths was, so they put me in an average class, but after the first term, he left, and then they put me into the dunces class, and the dunces class was

like a remedial class, it was basically, they put us in a room, and left us there, no teacher, nothing, just put me in a room with a bunch of rough kids, some of which refused to work, some refused to do anything, I wasn't in that category, I just didn't understand, I didn't know what was going on, well, not that I didn't know what was going on, but I was, yeah, it was more a capability issue with me, some of the others were just, they were tough, they wanted to fight and play and have fun, so

that helped me in my high school, because suddenly I was, I mean, some of these kids I already knew from junior school, but some of them I didn't, and suddenly, life has new meaning to me, suddenly I'm in this room with probably about 12 other kids, and it opened my eyes a bit, it was a little bit like being back in a children's home, you know, where there's, if you're left alone, there's no rules, you can go and just do whatever you want, we used to have marriage ceremonies and all kinds of stuff, seriously, and

it's just, it's a big room, I had games, I had all, it really wasn't suitable, it wasn't aimed at our age, it was more like a nursery, which is exactly what I wanted, so yeah, we just did what we wanted in that time, and then eventually put me back into the maths group, I think the next year or the year after, put me back into the last three years at least, into normal maths, and I couldn't keep up, I didn't know what I was doing, didn't have a clue really, so not only was I behind

before I got to junior school, but when I was at junior school, they didn't seem to, for some reason, I seem to, I don't know why, but they didn't notice, because the academics wasn't that important, maybe, I don't know, but again, I went to three junior schools in one town, in, from the age of seven to ten, so, you know, I suppose I, it's hard to sort of keep up, isn't it, I guess, but it's no one's fault really, it's just the way it was, but I think I was a bit of an embarrassment to

the parents, because they were both clever, you know, my stepmom was academically really good, and my dad, well, he was, he did well academically, but then he went on to be a tradesman, but he was, you know, really nothing he can't do, you know, and, you know, I think I was a little bit of an embarrassment, oh, oh, you're an embarrassment, Andre's arrived, hello Andre, you doing wee wee, do you want to come and give me a cuddle?

That was no, he loves that tunnel, so Lilith bought him a tunnel, uh probably what above two months ago he sleeps in it he spends a lot of time in that tunnel now loves it loves it in there weird i don't know why he liked that particular one because he's got three of them one the other side of the room one in the bedroom and he he does go in the others but he walks through them but that one there he sleeps in it he loves it absolutely loves it i think it's because i can't

get to him so easy he likes stuff that there's a little bit of a an assault course i need to get through to actually get my hands on him i don't know what you think what does he think i'm gonna do i'm gonna do the worst i'm gonna do is give him a bath and that's rare that's the very worst possible thing and that happens so rare i can't imagine he'd even think about that other than that it's gonna be i'm picking him up to take him for a walk or to feed him or to

give him a cuddle and a kiss or maybe i'm making a video and i'm you know got him with me there isn't there's no other than the bath and that's for his own good as well yes what does he think i'm gonna do blimey so now i should bring this to an end isn't it really weird like when i first started this recording i had nothing to say i was really tired lethargic and i just didn't you couldn't really oh i had to break through the barrier of i don't know if it's procrastination so much

as can't be botheredation i just i know hopefully everyone's asleep anyway but what i did today was i made uh what did i do i had i had today what is today's date i don't want the date it's the 27th it's the 27th i did number 264 deep sleep whisper the rain makes you relaxed and sleepy i did number 51 sleep hypnosis weekly sun relaxing you and sending you to sleep both with and without the music one with music lasts for two hours and then i did 179 relaxation hypnosis stress reduce stress when thinking of

someone you dislike and that's an exercise and now this one so that's one two three four five no wait a minute one two three four five so five recordings today that's not bad is it really it's not too bad andre's going yeah it's not too bad and it's not all about how you know doing loads and loads of recordings but it's about it's well yeah it is it's about doing loads of recordings but also getting that motivation to do it because i did yeah the motivation to do it there's stuff that i need to do

there's things i need to do to um maybe a bit more preparation maybe some other things that i could really do of doing do do of doing do of doing do it doing doing doing but i'm going to look into that i surely am and it should be groovy it really should be and i was thinking about some other things i could do some other ideas i've had for podcasts and so yeah i'm gonna just keep going with that i'm just wondering how many so the relaxation hypnosis for stress and anxiety according to this i've

had 1374 downloads today total of 5122 for that today so jason's bedtime story is growing um i'm up to 68 downloads i know that's not a lot okay i know that i'm not you know i know but but but but but yeah the last one i did was five days ago and it's had seven downloads but but but okay but but but but but on the it's had 185 downloads on Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast you told us all this before why are you telling us again i don't know really just gives me

pleasure 330 downloads on the sleep sleep insomnia hypnosis and on the hypnosis for sleeping deeply podcast which hasn't had many today for some reason oh it's weird it's fairly strange but 318 downloads at that number nine so that's three six seven eight eight hundred nine hundred or whatever compared to seven on the actual podcast so people are listening to it it's just not on there not in the right place i don't understand it so i've had a message and a message from a friend request works at nega mangala studied at university at the university of

mysore went to abhinava berefi vidya kendra um one mutual friend who's the mutual friend mutual diane walker have a heart game so i'm going to respond and confirm so we're now friends hello lakisa lakessa if that's the correct way to pronounce it i'm famous for pronouncing it wrong as um juicy will tell you i kept calling a kissy and i don't because i've never called a kissy before it's always been juicy and for some reason i was calling a kissy on my live broadcast it's because i have another friend called kissy but i think her

name is pronounced different as well so i just um i got a little muddled muddled up it happens it happens uh so i've got one from ben this is a message hi jason i've not read this yet so hopefully it won't be anything too personal otherwise i will well he says hi jason just a quick note but just a quick one fell asleep last night wasn't a new upload i just think you were having the night off but i fell asleep as usual thank you when i woke up i heard you saying you found a

bird a tiny can't remember what kind but thought i'd ask how you got on might have been ages ago but i remembered it when i woke up this morning and i hope you've had a great day wherever was pants here down south hope to hear you again tonight on down south as well hope you hit hope to hear you again tonight brought me to sleep i can't go i can't go without you without and your hypnotherapy with music also goes down well take care and sure speak soon thank you ben if you listen to this

thank you and i'll put thank you there and as far as the bird goes i i did mention it in one of my podcasts but i'll quickly tell you um although you'd probably be asleep by now if you're listening to this what did is the harbinger bird was safely collected by charity i'm gonna i'm writing that down as well so it was safely collected by charity um i had the bird overnight phoned up the charity quite a few different um bird rescue or animal rescue places finally found someone that would send someone to come and

collect him because i don't have any transport uh to take the bird and they came and it worked perfect the bird was very active in the morning and i'll be honest with you i kind of i missed the little fellow when he went i always thought about getting myself a bird cage just if the similar thing happened in the future and just so i was prepared so i could put it in the bird cage and get some you know proper food for it and gravel or i don't know whether they eat um rice and rather

than stick it in a box which is what i did but it was fine i've got an idea how it got on but i'm hoping it's well you know the people that are looking after these birds and running around collecting them they're so busy i wouldn't even ask them or expect them sort of give me updates because they're just rushing around helping all these wonderful little wildlife animals so yeah i've kept their i kept the name on my phone actually which is weird because as we said i didn't know what it meant but i've got

her down as laura birdie and i was i was looking at my contacts i said who the heck is laura birdie now i know so uh yeah so everything went fine i i hope with all my hope and all my hopefulness that that little birdie is fine this um beautiful little thing i've also got a message on my website hi jason a belated birthday gift via paypal on its way to you listen to your birthday podcast all the best from very wet edinburgh edinburgh uh mary mark marie thank you marie i did say thank you

at the beginning of the podcast as well so what i'll do i'm going to just reply here thank you very much for your your kind gift stay dry i wet my pants i peed my pants on the way to the garage and no one noticed i don't know why i wrote that it's not true so thank you very much for your kind gift stay dry raining here too i peed my pants on the way to the garage and no one noticed and probably wasn't relevant that last bit you know my brother sent me a message

my little brother he said to me i said i'm gonna read it to you uh he said he showed me a picture of his card that i wrote it the the card says sorry this card is a s h i t i spent all my money on hand sanitizer but it's actually spelled s you know in the same word and my brother so he he posted a picture of it because his birthday was the day before mine he said i just got your card today thanks bro but who's charlie who's charlie now if i click

on the picture and it's got charlie at the top of the page sorry this card is and i just replied it was the name on the card he said i think you could have changed it i said i don't know so i left i got it from moonpig online and i just left the name that was on there when i bought when i purchased i didn't change the name to his name i'm a rebel yeah rebel rebel so i'm gonna go and i want to say a special thank you to everyone that made those that

video possible really lovely uh for my birthday um apparently molly edited it or something someone wrote down but just thank you everyone it was lovely and rachel sent a message saying she couldn't sorry she couldn't be there and i did tell her that she was missed because and that's what i said at the time so i didn't say anything that i hadn't already said um because i was expecting her to be there and she wasn't so yeah but that's it thank you very much for listening remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to

be happy lots of love bye