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Hello and welcome to Jason Newland. My name, I was going to say .com, well that is kind of my website. This has left me bored to sleep.
My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. So, to just let you know that my website is currently suspended by me.
So it won't be back up until the, I don't know what date, it's not this Wednesday, the following Wednesday, so like 21st or 22nd of July. So that's gone. I couldn't afford to pay for the monthly fee.
I'm boring myself. Not a bad start is it? So that's been taken off. It was due to run out I think in two days, but if I don't pause it, then they will keep trying to take money out.
This happened last time actually. There was not enough money in to pay for it and I went online to try and close it and they wouldn't let me because the payment system is open. They were going to continue to keep trying to take the money and the more often they do that, the more chance I'm going to end up with bank fees, charges and stuff.
So I've closed it early, a couple of days early and I'll be back, probably be back in nine days. Is it nine days? It's Monday now, so yeah, nine days. So I hope you're all well.
I was out today with Andre and the lens, one of the lenses in my glasses fell on the floor. Well, in fact, the glasses fell off my face and then the lens fell out. I've had one of those bad, bad luck weeks, or bad luck months, I don't know.
Not bad luck, but just things just keep going a bit pear shaped. And that's just another thing. I actually sat on the glasses two weeks ago, which is why they're bent and why the lens is loose.
I suppose in some ways it's quite funny, but I'm struggling to find the funny side. So I've got two pairs of glasses, one for reading, one for day to day, for distance, you know, when I go out or when I'm talking to someone the other side of the room, if I won't be able to see the television. So at the moment I've got my short distance one on, one's on because I normally do and I make recordings because I'm looking at my phone or the tablet.
I now wear these glasses because I can focus because I can't with the others on a short distance. So these ones are like intact, I'm not sat on them. I haven't really worn them that much compared to the others.
But there's no point in wearing them if I go out because I can't. I think probably six foot in front of me starts to get blurry. I can see stuff.
It's just, I don't know if I can take the glasses off. So that's probably about six foot away from my feet. Maybe that's seven or eight foot away.
So here's a picture of my men and me on the bookcase, the other side of the room. And I'm not living in a mansion, you know, it's not a massive room. It's a nice sized room, but it's, I don't know, 14, maybe it's 14 foot.
So the bookcase picture is probably about 12 foot away from me, maybe 13 foot away from me. So because I know what's on it, I can sort of see, you know, I can see that it's me, it's my name, although I can't actually see my men's face. I can see my face a bit because I've got a red face, so it's a bit easier.
And closer to that on the little table, closer to me, there's a pineapple carton, juice of pineapple, a juice of carton. And I know it's pineapple because I drank it. But I can't see any of the writing on the side of it, and I can't, if I didn't know it was a pineapple picture, I wouldn't, I couldn't tell you what it was.
I mean, it could be a beaver or, you know, an animal. I mean, it could, you know, it could be anything. It could be an egg.
I really couldn't tell you. Well, I can tell that it's pineapple. So coming a little bit closer on the table, which is about five foot away, there's a can.
And I know what the can is, but I can't see the writing. I've got some writing on the wall to the left of me, which is about, let's try to figure out what it's about. Arms length plus another hand.
So however long that is, about five foot away to the wall. And there's an index card with some writing on it. And it's not small writing, it's quite big writing.
It's a bit blurry. So my, you know, although it's distance, it's not that far away, really, is it? So I don't know, my eyesight is just a bit strange. I seem to just need to have glasses.
Mind you, I did put it off for years. I knew my eyesight was getting a bit, a bit rubbish because I had to actually stop buses and ask what number it was once I was on. I did, the amount of times I used to get on the bus and ask another customer, like another, not patient, traveler, whatever, passenger, that's it.
Say, by the way, what number bus is this? Do you know where it's going? I haven't gotten on a bus a few times. Seriously. Because a lot of them, they might have the same starting number, but it might start with seven, or five, instead of being a five zero, it'd be a five one, or five six, or five five.
And I can make out the five. And even with my glasses, or my normal glasses, I have to really stare at the number. And before I stop it, because I can't, I kind of, it gets, luckily it doesn't get too close for it to be, hopefully not too frustrating, which is usually too annoying for the bus driver.
But still, you know, I don't want to stop the bus and say, oh, wait a minute, which I've done that before as well. So stop the bus. Then I walk to the front of the bus to see what number it is.
Then walk back and say, no, thanks. Wrong bus. That's probably got to be annoying.
So yeah, I remember expecting myself to be a, to be a gogglehead. I didn't, a gogglehead. I'm a weeble as well.
I wobble, but I don't fall down. I'm a goggle. I used to be wearing goggles all the time.
Didn't expect that. No. In fact, I think I look better without glasses.
Not better as in, I think you can see my eyes. I think with the glasses, you can't really see my eyes. They are there, but they're not magnified so much so that when I take my glasses off, my eyes disappear into my head.
Because they're so magnified, it looks like I've got big eyes, you know, taking off like a, where's, where's his eyes gone? So I don't have that, I don't think. But I might do. You never know.
In the future. Wow. Yeah.
So I have to, that's more money. I have to find a way of getting to the opticians. I might see if I can get a home visit and go from there.
And then I do get, I might be able to get a voucher for the lenses or for the, towards the, the glasses, you know, the, my words aren't working today, are they? The frames, the frames. But I generally add money to it and choose something that's half decent because I want nice frames. So I don't, you know, especially if I've been wearing them all the time.
Now for reading, I was never that bothered because I've been wearing reading glasses since I was at school, since I left school. And I didn't really care what they looked like, if I'm honest, because most of my reading was done when I was at home. I didn't spend a huge amount of time reading outdoors.
And if I did, I used to, one of my favorite things in the whole world when I was younger, it was to go to the West End, because I lived in East London, go to the West End, go to the bookshop area, which was just around the corner from Tottenham Court Road. Is it Charing Cross Road? I think. And loads of bookshops.
Then you get further up and there's theatres and you've got Soho, Turn Down Road, and leads you to Soho. And there's a whole gay area, like pubs and stuff. Forget the road, the name of that road.
And then, so there's a lot of stuff in quite a short area, space, Charing Cross, I think is the road. And I love the books. My favorite thing was to walk down there.
I'd walk down, I might go to a bookshop first, but sometimes I might walk down to Soho. So I'd walk down, down the gay area, down the gay district. And it is loads of gay bars.
And especially in the summer, it's great. Everyone's out, everyone's happy. You know, it's like a really nice environment.
Way better than I've experienced in town centers that I've lived in. Everyone's just really chilled out. It's really, you know, a bit bohemian.
Well, because it's quite a while ago. So I'd like to take a leisurely walk. And I'd get to Soho and do a bit of window shopping.
And there's a, there's a couple of shops I like to go into in Soho. There's one, they're both record shops. One was, I forget what it was called, but it was a secondhand record shop.
And they sold records, they sold CDs and videotapes as well. This was before DVDs kind of came out. And I used to go in there and I liked that place.
I used to buy stuff. And then there's another one round the corner, because I had a big selection of stand up comedy, videos, all kinds of different bits. So there's another one round the corner I used to go to.
And then if you walk all out that road, that would lead you to Dean Street, I think. Yeah, there's lots of really great places around there. So there was this one place that was called the Ball and Walk, I think.
And it was my comedy friend, Jojo Smith. She's, she, she's like a stand up on the circuit. And she had her own comedy night.
And it was in this nightclub. And it was originally where Peter Cook's establishment was in the 60s. Very controversial, because they had, they had Lenny Bruce come over and perform there.
Again, this was in the 60s. That's before he died. And I got to go there and perform.
And it was a completely different club. It was completely, you know, but it was amazing. I performed there a couple of times.
And it was brilliant. I just, I went down well, which was good. And the place was just had such a great vibe.
It was something special. I've got good memories of that. Plus, I got drunk.
And I never used to drink, but I went through a little period of drinking. I think this was 2005. Maybe 2004.
In the early days, I never used to drink. I'd go in, I used to go out on the weekends. And if I wasn't gigging, if I didn't have a gig, I'd go to a comedy club.
And usually sort of in West End or in South London, Banana Cabaret, you know, different places, Chuckle Club, you know, very different places that I had. And I would, I'd make a glass of Coke or bottle of Coke last pretty much the whole evening. I had no money.
I just, you know, I was going out. I spent most of my money on the travel card and the train to get there. I just didn't.
I didn't always not have any money. Sometimes I did. But generally, I didn't drink.
Part of the reason, I think, was because my bladder just couldn't take it. If I'm here drinking, and I haven't drunk at home for absolutely ages, I might go back to it. I feel I'm edging towards annihilation, I think.
But, you know, after two cans of lager, maybe one, it's been a long time since I've had any alcohol. But if I had two cans of lager, that said, as someone said to me, once the seal gets broken, and I'll be in and out of that toilet for the rest of the night, weeing, constantly weeing. And I'll be producing more wee than I've actually drunk liquid.
That's what's weird about it. It's like, we should turn this into some kind of, we could possibly cure famine in the world. Just give people, okay, maybe not weeing.
That's really not right. Okay, maybe not. But I'm just thinking, if you could produce twice as much liquid by drinking a can of lager, and of course, urine can be converted into water, you know, from the can.
Or the can anyway, I mean, that sewer's turned into tap water, isn't it? So, you know, but these machines can be set up. And what's his name? Bill Gates. I saw him.
I followed Bill Gates. The courts call it stalking, but I cast it as just following. And he, some people may not realize that Bill Gates is amazing.
He's an amazing person. His anthropology, anthropological work that he does is possibly unrivaled in what he does, the amount of money he gives to try and combat mosquitoes. I think he's trying to combat deaths from mosquitoes or malaria or something like that.
I don't follow him enough. I don't follow him too closely to actually listen enough to remember any of the information, obviously. But there was this machine he had, and he's trying to get water to places where there's no water.
As Sam Kinison would have said, why don't you live where the water is? But of course, that's wrong. I'm not going to say that, Sam Kinison. And he had this big machine, and it converted waste, not just wee-wee, but waste into water.
Put it in one end, it comes out the other. That sounds familiar, doesn't it? Like the body, I guess, but it's the opposite. So instead of turning water into waste, it's turning waste into water.
And at the end of the machine, there was a tap. And somebody put it in there, it was all clappy, and somebody offered Bill Gates a cup. And I'm not 100% sure, but I swear his face changed.
I don't mean him to like a different person. But it's... I don't care how rich I was, or how much I cared about something, how much money I spent on producing something. I could not look at a machine and see poo put in one end, and then water coming out the other end and drinking it.
Even though that is what's happened generally, but I couldn't. I couldn't see the process and then drink the water. I just couldn't.
It's just... No, I couldn't. Honestly, I don't think you could pay me enough. Well, maybe $30.
I probably do most things for $30. But no, he's amazing. He's done so much for... forgetting all the, you know, computer stuff.
Just his anthropological work. It's pretty amazing. I'd like to do that.
I'd like to be like Bill Gates, but without the hard work at the beginning to make the money, without, you know, giving it away at the end. The middle bit, you're just having the money. Yeah.
So I don't think $80 billion is enough. I just... It's really, you know, I think one of the richest women in the world is... I don't think, I know, one of the richest women in the world is Amazon Man's ex-wife. She's got something like $48 billion.
It might be $36 billion, but it's a whack. It's quite a bit. Of course, he's the richest human on the planet, legally, because we don't know, do we? There's people out there that might have way more money, but they can't declare it.
You know, some of these drug barons, mafia, you know, people that kind of control whole countries in Africa, Brazil, and Mexico, places like that. Some of them, they might have way more money than Bezos. They just can't declare it.
Also, it's really weird to have that amount of money. I looked into it. He can actually lose a couple of billion overnight just because of the stock exchange.
Just because, you know, his money's basically in his stock. He's got, I think he's probably got a few quid in the bank as well. He's probably not short of a penny or two.
I probably just repeat what I've already said before, because I didn't realize that Warren Buffett actually owns the majority share of Coca-Cola. I mean, a lot of people own shares, but he's got the biggest stake. Wow.
That's just, I wonder if he's among the richest people. I just need $100. I don't, I don't need a billion.
I do wonder if I'd have actually gone down that road of being money oriented to dated. It's oriented, orientated, orientated, orientated, oriented. You know what I mean, a greedy ass.
I wonder if I'd have ever been successful. I do wonder, because when I was younger, talking about 1987, I was a little bit of a wheeler dealer wannabe. And I did wheel and deal, you know, I did sell stuff and I wouldn't say I was particularly successful, but I did do it.
You know, I was trying to make ends meet and I had a job in a chip shop that didn't, you know, wasn't really bringing in, wasn't able to buy quite as many, as much jewelry as I wanted to, you know. And the, I did my best. I had a few little deals going on here and there with people around where I lived that could get hold of stuff.
And my best, my best deal I ever did, just at the time, I was so pleased with myself. I bought a fridge freezer. And it was like a small fridge freezer, it was nice, and for 15 pounds.
And I sold it three days later, for 45 pounds. It's still the best thing I ever did in my life. It's, that's the highlight.
I'm still, I'm waiting to top it, honestly. And that was like, wow. That was cool.
I felt I was buzzing, really, I was buzzing. Buzzing, buzzing, buzzing. I actually, I, you know, I was really into, I was determined to make some money and to be successful.
Because living on, well, actually, to be honest, I think probably, although where I lived as a kid, like when I was, for the age of seven onwards, you know, we lived in a big house from the age of about nine, till I was 15. And it's not that we were rich, but I definitely wasn't, I wasn't needed, didn't need anything. You know what I mean? I wasn't, never went hungry.
I had a, was provided with everything I needed, really. And apart from the last year or two, when my stepmom went out to work, she kind of discovered herself a bit and went from being, or she rediscovered herself, because she was still a young woman. She was 21 when I was seven.
So she, she suddenly became a mother of three children, one seven, one nine, and one 11, or just under that age, you know, at 21 years old. I think she'd been married for about a year, maybe less at that time. So that's huge.
That's just like, wow. And she didn't, didn't marry into that. She didn't know, didn't expect that to be happen.
She didn't, wasn't what she married into, wasn't part of the contract, but she still took it, took us all on. So I think when she, so what year would that be? Seven, eight, seven years later, she was still only 29, 28. Still a young woman, young, young woman.
And she, up to that point, she was just had long, straight hair. She's a beautiful woman. And she just had long, straight hair, didn't really, didn't give herself any attention, or really.
I'm not, I'm not saying she still wore makeup and stuff, didn't need to wear makeup, but she didn't pamper herself. She didn't go and have expensive haircuts or anything like that. And she took the role of being a mother.
And she also, she had another kid when I was eight. So she had four kids. So she had a little baby, as well as three, one practically grown up child, teenager, nearly, and two other kids.
So four kids, and a husband, and a big house to look after while my dad was at work. And yeah, it was, I can't even imagine how hard that would have been for both of them, really. Him having to work all the hours to pay for it, and her having to sort of be a mother to all these kids without any preparation, really.
Anyway, she's, see, anything I say is going to be positive, by the way. I'm not going to say anything bad at all. So I've got, this is my, someone I had no contact with at all, but was someone that was the most important person in my life for between the ages of seven and 15, I suppose you could say, 16.
So it was, what was that, eight years. Talking about important people in my life, Andre, I think he wiped his bum on my pillow again. See, I've been in bed all day, pretty much every day for quite a few days.
And I was in bed all day today. On and off, I had something to eat, watched a bit of telly, then went back to bed. And he was getting annoyed with me to the point where he was trying to wake me up.
He'd done it a few times, but this particular time, I was fast asleep. And he was sitting on my pillow, licking my face. And I looked down the pillow and there's something on there.
And I wasn't quite sure what it was. It's not his fault. He didn't like, I don't know, like, he didn't purposely leave a skid, leave a skid mark there or anything.
It wasn't like a rub in his bum. But yeah, I really want that near my eye, don't I? Anyway, what's her name? The bird my dad married. She, she, yeah, she suddenly like had her hair done, bought herself a car, got, you know, really kind of came out of a shell and started to work, went to work part-time.
So she just wasn't at home very much. You know, like when I got home from school and stuff, which is when, it's kind of when you need your parent really. Not need, but it's if you're used to it, you know, to have someone there to feed you.
I wanted food. And because I was doing karate and she'd be at work and I'd be babysitting. I had to babysit my little brother pretty much every night after school because she was at work.
My dad was at work. So what I had to do is wait and basically make myself some food, which was usually toast and wait for one of them to get home. And then I went to karate.
So I just wasn't eating as well as I used to. I wasn't having like a cooked meal every evening, like I was. The service went really downhill, I'll be honest.
The service, it wasn't like big fully cooked meals like it used to be. It just became snacks and became very sort of, I was very disappointed. I put in a complaint and I'm still waiting to get a response from that.
Dear parent figure, I'd like to start by saying that I think you've done a really good job with me up till last September where things seem to have gone a bit patchy. Although I admit I didn't always eat every meal that you put in front of me because I am a bit of a fussy little bugger at times. I still do need to eat and as I'm eating sandwiches at school, I probably don't want them when I get home.
Can you please cook me some dinner? I stood waiting for that dinner, it hasn't turned up. I think she lost interest. I think it was, I think it became a bit boring.
I think that's what it was. I think it was, I think kids grow up so quickly when they're already kind of nearly grown up. So my oldest brother, 11, he was 16 before you knew it, you know.
So she didn't have that. She didn't see him grow up. You can see any of us grow up, but I was just under seven when she met me.
But she still didn't, you know, sort of... I don't know if it's sometimes with people, they need to see you right from when you was born all the way through. It makes it easier for them to like care, like really care, you know what I mean? Like proper unconditional love and all that. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, it's weird. I think, was it, I said that about my dad once, my other step-mom.
I said, well, he's, my dad's so close to me, to my niece, to his granddaughter. Got really, really close, like, you know, just a dozer, absolutely a dozer. I said, he's never been like that.
I've never seen him like that before. And she said, yeah, I've talked to him about it. It's something about seeing her grow up from being a baby all the way up to, you know, for 10 years and not having missed any of it, seeing it all.
So you didn't get that with us, you know, you had a big like five-year gap. We didn't see what we were up to, not doing up to too much. Bit of feeding, standard five-year-old.
Just watch Oliver Twist if you want to understand. Orphans have to steal and beg for, please, can I have some more? But yeah, it's weird. I don't know how it got me started talking about this.
What am I talking about this for? What on earth is that on top of the box? My eyesight won't allow me to see. I hope it's some sellotape. I had to turn the heating on again because I was trying to think what it was.
It was metal that I lifted up and Andre keeps running to the... He's scratching at the front door. It's 1.51 in the morning. I do not want him scratching at the door.
He's got no concept of time. If he keeps doing it, I'm going to have to put him into his cage again. And I don't want his cage to be a punishment because sometimes I need to put him in his cage anyway.
I just can't believe that he makes more noise walking around than I do. And I weigh... When I weigh more than him, I'm like 100 kilos, let's say. And he's two kilos, maybe? Maybe less.
I'd be surprised if he's much more than the weight of a bag of sugar. Let me have a look. No, he's way more than the weight of a bag of sugar.
Probably he's the weight of maybe two bags of sugar. So he's probably about two kilos, aren't you? Yeah? Yeah? It's hard to tell because his weight is so spread out. I'm like... See? This is boring.
You can't deny me talking about a bag of sugar and how much it weighs and you know, kind of distinguish in between the weight of a ferret and the weight of a bag of sugar because a bag of sugar is more compact and in a smaller space. But with a ferret, it's more spread out. That's boring.
Come on. I think credit's due sometimes. Give me some credit, man.
That was boring. How are you doing, little boy? Are you all right? He's in my arms now. You're okay? What did he do the other day that I was going to tell you about? A bit of new behavior which surprised me.
Oh yeah, he behaved himself. Didn't you? You behaved yourself. That's very unusual.
He just wants to go out. He doesn't care. I mean, if he was the size of a dog, even a small dog, you know, even if he was the size of a sausage dog, he would be the most ferocious animal in this area just based on how strong he is.
And he's not ferocious, but you know, people would keep away. So if he was the size of an Alsatian, it'd be one of the strongest, toughest animals in the world. Like the wolverine is.
Obviously, he's not nearly as strong as an elephant, are you? No, but I can fart like one. Boy, stop being rude. I'm just saying if I had an animal like that, I'd feel okay walking through the fields at two o'clock in the morning.
But with a little ferret, no, I'm not going to do it. He doesn't care. He has no fear whatsoever.
Nothing scares him. Do it. Because he can see in the dark.
So, in fact, his eyesight is better in the dark, apparently, than in the light time. In the light time? You know what I mean? During the day when the lights on. It's night time now, but there is light.
There is light. I've got some light bulbs every day. Oh, man.
It is the little things in life sometimes. It's the little things. Proper.
Because I had to put a lamp in the hallway, which is like a reading lamp thing that I got. And the light bulb, I think I bought that when the light um attachment broke in the living room. So I had to have a light in it.
So I got that. Because the other one broke off. I love it when this stuff happens.
Not. And so the light, the lights, and when the bulb burst, um, tripping the switch in the the mains or whatever. So that was gone.
And, you know, and then the same thing happened to the one in the bedroom. That go away. So for about a week, I don't know.
Then I went that one time I did actually go to the supermarket, which is the day I went to the vets with Andre. I went to the supermarket. I've got a light bulb.
I can only afford to get one. So I thought I'll just get one. And I'll put that in the hallway because that's the one I need more than anyone.
So I can kind of find because it's dark isn't there's no there's no light in the hallway or in the bedroom during the day. It's a window. I've got the wrong type of light bulb.
It's a screwing one, not one with two little pricks that stick out the pins, you know, the those ones was what I needed to get. So last week, or the week before, when I got paid, I ordered some light bulbs, I've ordered three, and they came. And when they got here, I put the light bulb in to the hallway.
And the light bulbs are really good ones. They're not like flimsy ones, they're proper. They weren't cheap either actually.
I think it's like 10 pound or 12 pound for three light bulbs. And so I put it in, worked perfectly. Put the one in the bedroom, worked perfectly.
It's like, I'll tell you how long it was. Andre Shush. He's wearing a slipper.
He's so heavy footed. Winds me up. You hardly hear a peep out of him all day long.
He does get out, you know, probably five, six times during the day, but he's minimal. But night time, he really comes alert, comes awake. And comes very active.
Which is annoying because I've got neighbours now downstairs, and I don't want to disturb them. And I don't want no idea if he is disturbing them. I mean, my plan is to get another carpet to put on top of this carpet to sort of soundproof this flat.
I've been planning to do it for ages, for years, but I just haven't got around to it. But I'm going to need to do it. There wasn't really any end to that, that was the whole story.
That was a little bit boring, a bit too boring for me. Oh, now he's going through his big plastic tube. So, I am, yeah, I turned the heating on, because I was trying to remember what it was that I picked up the other day that was metal, and it's my remote control for my TV.
And it's metal, there's a metal strip down the side of it. And I picked it up the other day, it was cold. Doesn't do that when it's warm in there, or even my own temperature.
So, and I was sitting here, my legs were cold. Now, I know I don't do a huge amount of activity. I do get out every day and I'm walking around here.
And I'm not like sitting in a chair, I do lay down as well. We're all sitting down in a chair. But I was thinking, well, my legs are aching, but they're kind of cold.
They're not aching, they're just cold. Please, please don't let it be diabetes. And what's he doing now? I cleaned the bathroom floor last night.
What's he doing? Andre, shush, just keep quiet, will you? He's searching for something. Now he's going to knock something off the table. Hold two seconds, I'm going to put in pause, unless you want to hear it.
He will push it onto the floor. Yep. I had to put on pause and for a second, I had to collect him, because he was about to knock a plate off the table.
He can't resist it. He has to. There's something in him that has to do it.
So he basically puts his nose underneath and just pushes it off. So if there's a table with 20 plates on it, he will push all of the plates onto the table. If he can get onto that table.
Unless there's something on the plate that he wants to eat, then he'll eat it. Your tummy just went funny. I know I moan about you, but you're so pretty.
That's the one saving grace he has, that he's pretty. Because when I'm angry with him, I look at him and he's got such a pretty little face and he looks so innocent. And right now I'm holding him and he's just cuddling me.
And it's so hard, it's impossible not to love him. It's just impossible. It's impossible, isn't it? Yeah, little puppet, there you are, my beautiful little boy.
I would have loved to have had my little Lord Grey when I was a kid. But then I'd have been the smelly ferret boy, wouldn't I? Because I'd have stunk a ferret. It's pretty bad enough that I stink a ferret now, but well, I don't know if I, yeah, might do so I can't smell it.
I would have loved to have had a little companion like him. I had a goldfish, I had a pig, not a pigeon, a little bugle. What did I have? I had like a little bird, a budgie, I had a budgie.
But the house was so cold it froze. Again, that's during the time when my stepmum wasn't there in the evenings, the house was freezing cold, the heating wasn't on, I'd come home to a cold house. And it's just, the house is awful when it's cold.
It's lovely when it's warm, when it was warm, but it was a cold house. And I came in and the budgie was frozen. You want to get down, I'm sure you want to get down.
So if you're not going to behave, then I'm going to have to just let you loose into the field and leave you there. Very well, let's do it. You're going to be an orphan, Orphan Andre.
Instead of Orphan Andre, you're going to be Orphan Andre. What do you think? You want to be an orphan? Do you? I want to see your daddy kisses. You are the cutest.
I just wish you... He's so heavy-footed when he's walking though. You hear him stray away when I put him down, listen. That there's the chair.
Don't know why he's so... I posted a picture of my famous big black squeaky chair onto my Facebook page because someone was asking about it. And a couple of people said, I'll throw a blank over it and call it good. But I've come pointed out that it's really uncomfortable, the chair over there.
Molly writes, is this still available? I'm not trying to sell... I'm not trying to sell it, Molly. It's not for sale. I'm not sure if that's what you mean.
It's like, I'm going to send it all the way to Australia, that costs an absolute fortune. Can you imagine getting... If I was famous, right? If I was famous, and I died, which is going to happen, of course, then that chair might actually be worth something. Someone might say, I want that.
Because imagine how many farts Jason did in that chair over the years. And he made recordings in there, he made videos and all that stuff. It looks really rotten.
It's awful. It's a terrible chair. Is this still available? Actually, Molly, you might not be asking if it's available to buy.
Is it still available? Or on Amazon? I don't know. I can check. I'd have to go back years though, because if I go back to my orders, I'll filter orders by year.
When did I move in here? 2015. So I have to go all the way back to 2015. I think it was about September.
Oh, look, I found it. I bought it on the 24th of July. How weird is that? Five years ago, nearly.
It's a Kino Leather Recliner with Drink Holders. Kino Leather Recliner with Drink Holders. What the hell is he doing? Now in the kitchen.
Currently unavailable. We don't know when or if this item will be back in stock. Oh, no, it's not.
I'm sure there's other ones that are similar, but I don't know if this really reviews. I'm a well-built man. Here's some of the reviews.
This is what I probably, what I actually think this is after. Maybe it's me who wrote this. I'm a well-built man, around 90 kilos.
No, I'm heavy, isn't it? And I found this to be an excellent purchase. Oh, you shut. Imagine if you're downstairs trying to sleep and you're running around, all around.
You say you can hear that. I'm just embarrassed. Embarrassed, embarrassed.
And it handles my body weight with a plumb. With a plumb. I thought I was safe writing this review until I was worn this.
See, I agree. I liked the chair. Because, first of all, the cost of it, when I bought it, was... I wonder if it's going to tell me how much it cost me.
No. Buy again. Oh, it's got similar items.
Similar items. It's brought up toilet paper. That's not a similar item.
Blimey. It's just showing me stuff that I've already bought. How can that be a similar item? And view order details.
Okay, let's see how much it cost me. £149.99. Now, that's really cheap for a recliner chair. And I know it's not... It was actually bought for me, for one of my listeners.
And so I paid for it with an Amazon gift card. Wow. It's a gift certificate.
Ah. So I paid with a gift certificate. It was £149.99, but postage and packing was £12.99. It was £162.98. And it came in two parts, which is really good because I could get it through the front door.
And yeah, it's not available. Contact seller. Sonic Online.
I wonder if they do other stuff. It's hard to reclass. Sonic Online.
Chair. Shut up. Now he's in the bathroom.
So he doesn't like... He's going in there for no reason. He's just going into all the different rooms. And I've closed the door, like, not closed, but shut them.
Kind of closed, but not, you know, proper closed, just so that it reduces the sound from other things. And he has to scratch at the carpet for no reason before opening the door. He's got his whole routine, almost like some kind of OCD thing, you know, he has to do it a certain amount of times.
So he scratches on the carpet, and then turns on his side, and he pushes the door open with his hands, and then goes in. There's no reason for the scratching. It's almost like he's version of Open Sesame.
There's a few. I found one here. Pastana.
Chamber. Cold fabric recliner armchair. Sofa lounge home reclining chair.
$184.99 plus $20.99 delivery. But I thought Sonic Online... I'll just try and find... I thought they might have, like, a similar kind of thing. It was available a few years ago.
Clearly I bought one, like, even like a couple of years ago. Sonic Online. Chester electric heated massage chair.
I don't want anything like that. Don't want things that heat up or massage. No, I can't even... I don't want anything like this.
It's just... yeah, not really. It's the standard recliner. Just like something that was a bit more supportive to my back.
Because my back, my back, my back. Look. Recliner.
Recliner armchair. Wow. This feels quite interesting.
It's only £109. Well, there's one here. You know what? I really miss the drink holders.
I know it sounds silly, but those drink holders have really come in handy. The left drink holder, I have my TV remotes in there. And the right drink holder, I have my drink.
It's a can of drink or something. Realistically, I don't need drink holders. Drink holder.
Oh, there's a few in here. This is a YAHITI recliner armchair, single padded seat, PU, leather sofa, lounge, hope living, £137.99. Yeah. This is what it's about.
Does it come in two parts? That looks pretty much exactly the same as the one I've got. Well, completely different, actually. But apart from that, it looks very similar.
But the arm holders look quite thin. It's not that I've got big massive arms, but I don't know what the reviews are on this. Let me see the reviews.
I just got back from work. I spent five to 10 minutes setting it up. It's really easy.
It comes in one box, two pieces. That's good. And all you have to do is slot it together.
I've attached a couple of photos. Definitely comfortable and value for money. My only critique is that it's crap.
My only critique is it's definitely not for everyone. It just about fits me. But anyone that is six foot tall will not fit on this chair.
So please check and make sure that you're not over six foot tall. I'm sorry. Please check and measure yourself.
Please check and measure it. For the price that is £123.99, it's definitely a bargain for anyone looking for that single recliner chair. It's our at home review.
Who talks like this? No one talks like this. This is our paid review, already thinking of getting another one for the living room. Happy customer I am.
Okay. Another one called Pixie says that was actually a verified purchase from Amazon customer. It's another verified purchase called Pixie.
Wow. Fantastic. I ordered my chair one day and it arrived the next day.
Free delivery too. Came in a compact box. I thought it's never all in there.
But it was. Very easy to put together in five minutes. I'm well impressed for the bit I paid.
For it's definitely value for money. Comfortable and free delivery. Excellent service.
From all I highly recommend. I'm one very happy customer. So the other one says they're a happy customer.
Seems a bit weird. I think you can get it in different colours. White for example.
I never get white furniture. You can't sit in white furniture when you're on the pens can you? I don't want to get into detail. You know what I mean.
It's not possible. What's the other review? This is from Michelle. Verified purchase.
A piece of heaven. A piece of heaven. Wow.
High praise indeed. Got arthritis and on low income. So to find a recliner that fit my adapted front room, which came within 24 hours.
Not great on sentences though. Struggling to read it. I was able to set up myself plus colour brown perfect along with comfort.
It's nice for the proper sentence. I was able to set up myself plus colour brown perfect along with comfort. A piece of heaven.
Used all evening. Helps me relax and less pain. Pray it lasts.
Only thing was the arms can't handle much weight on it. Overall a brilliant chair at a fantastic price. Still smiling.
Is he really smiling though? You know when you put the LOL, like laugh out loud. Are you really? Or was the other one laughing, rolling on the floor. Are you really rolling on the floor laughing? Honestly.
Oh here's one that's not happy. Check measurements with yourself to ensure chair is big enough. Chair narrow and not long enough when reclined.
Miggy writes the price sounds too good to be true. But wow. This is a great product.
I have a lower back problem and this chair is perfect because of the high seat and correct size for me. I'm five foot nine but someone taller might have a problem. Looks good.
Easy to assemble and good quality. But I'm five foot eight. No, I'm six foot three.
Sorry, six. How tall did I ever tell you all? Did I sell seven foot? I actually had an email from, well not email, a message from someone saying, I can't believe you're really nearly seven foot. I love tall men.
I said, yeah, you'll love me. You'll definitely be in for a big surprise. If you ever meet Helen Fowles writes, the chair is very comfortable and well worth the money, but doesn't recline as much as it appears to in the picture.
But it is comfortable and I fall asleep in it quite often. Cool. My question is the arms.
It's a great chair. Fantastic value. I love this chair.
My back is so much better for it. I agree with a previous review that it probably wouldn't suit a very tall person or someone carrying a lot of extra weight. I am only five foot four and just over nine, nine point five stone.
For me, it is perfect. It comes in two parts. Nine point five stone, five foot four.
Probably not that slim, is it? I don't know. When I was nine stone, I used to be nine stone. I was really slim, but I was nine eight, nine eight, five eight.
Five four, I probably would have been quite fairly stocky. For me, it is perfect. Five foot four is a nice height.
Sometimes I wish I was shorter. I'd like to have been kind of four foot. It's a really famous person that I adore.
He's no longer with us, but he's called Veronica. But if you're from, well, if you know who he is, you know who he is. If you don't, you don't.
But he's kind of a hero of mine for various different reasons, actually. And probably more than seen, more prevalent in a sense of, he's not. Why do I do that? He used to sit in a big black chair and do a monologue.
And it just, it was rehearsed. And it was written for him. He was just brilliant.
And he's a great comedian and just so lovable. Just lovable. You know, someone that you just see them, or you hear them, you just feel nice inside.
That's what he was. Ronnie Corbett, check him out. Google him today or don't.
Your choice. Miss CA says, Narrow chair. Good points first.
The cost for a simple reply is low. It was delivered undamaged. What a good point.
The best part is product. It was delivered undamaged. The best, the best thing about this restaurant is it didn't give me food poisoning.
And that's blimey. And in two parts, making it easy to assemble. Cheery person.
The chair seat and back is quite comfy and will fit into tight spaces, which is why I bought it. They're not so good points. It doesn't hold its furthest recline as it keeps slipping.
You can keep the legrest up, but when you want to recline the back, it keeps slipping forward. The arms are hard, but as it is easily remedied by cushion pads. But that is a very narrow chair and would fit a small, short person.
I'm five foot two and my feet dangle off. Not bothered by this. Yeah, but you might have really, really long ankles.
That's what I'm guessing. You do have to push quite hard to flip the rest of the legrest up. I have a cover on mine that makes it even more difficult as my hands slip.
Take cover off then. Conclusion. If you want cheap and cheerful, this is your item.
If you want a recliner that holds in lay flat mode, spin a bit more and go for push and electric. That was the last review there. Blimey.
So that's that one. This is Trusty Wood. Ow, it's biting my toes.
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
Stop it. This one's £118.99. Trusty Wood single recliner chair. Leather sofa reclining functional chair.
Push back chair. I like the push back ones. I'm not into the electric ones.
Partly because they're really expensive, but also I got stuck in one in the shop. I was test driving a couple of recliners last year. You know, back in the days when I could get into shops and stuff.
And I reclined it too far. But I couldn't get back and it was really compact. So I was kind of stuck in it.
I was probably a little bit too big for it really. And I couldn't find the knob in order to turn it back to go upright again. I was a little bit scared.
It's like I got used to it after a while. Still there. Made a lot of new friends.
And I'm still going to get this one. This is this is nice. It's got proper pads for the rest as well.
You need that. That's part of the thing. It's like resting your arms.
This looks quite a good one. It's got no, let's see what it says. This is Mr C Bingham.
Looks nice. And the delivery was fast, but has problems. Positives first.
Product arrived very quickly. About a week earlier than expected, which was great. The chair looks nice and fits in well.
Negatives. The seat is very hard. In time I hope it softens.
But at first it felt uncomfortable. The armrests are not very plump, which means they are low and don't offer much support. There was no instructions.
Although it is pretty easy to work out how it goes together, it didn't take long to build. Because I'm wonderful. I was also unsure as to if there is a new product or a reconditioned product.
The box even if it is a new product or reconditioned because the box even looked like it had been resealed. There are a few scratches around the blast mechanisms where the screws go. As if it had been worked at, at least one of the screws appeared to be quite worn down.
It was hard to fit because it had lost its initial shape, but I managed. That's the end of the review. From the looks of it, not anyone else bought it.
Actually the best way to do this is filter. Filter by customer reviews. That's the best way.
Oh, here the expense. Oh no, this isn't expensive. Well, there was one that came £599.
Now it's really weird. I probably could have got a recliner. Because when my nan passed away, she had two chairs and a sofa.
One was one of those electrical recliners that actually helped me get out of the chair as well. Because she had mobility, quite serious mobility issues. I think that got to, but I might have had an opportunity to have a settee and the other chair.
But I didn't get this flat until the April she passed away in December. By that time, all the stuff had gone. I'd love to have had a sofa.
Just because it was hers, you know, basically. Just like I've got a table. I'm keeping that forever.
Even if it ends up being in the loft, I'm keeping it forever and ever and ever. Just like all my fingernail clippings. This one's a Postana Jumbo called Fabric Recliner.
I imagine fabric could be really comfortable. £184.99, £20.99 delivery. Let's see what the reviews are on this one and I'll stop the recording.
I don't know why I'm interested. This is X Stole X Verified Purchase. I prepare to fall asleep.
It's oh so cosy. Amazing purchase. Couldn't be happier.
Ordered on a Sunday, was scheduled to be delivered the following Friday. It actually came on a Tuesday. A few days earlier.
You can figure that one out. It was a lovely surprise. The build quality is great and has a lovely chunky feel.
The cushioning is firm but also allows you to sink into it. It can make it very sleep-inducing after a while. Honestly, can't recommend this chair enough.
For the price, it's stunning and it feels much more expensive. Simple as that. Eh.
Difficult to return recliner section. Not for anyone lacking agility and leg strength. I would definitely not purchase this for anyone who is not secure on their feet.
The recliner takes some effort to click back into place, requiring a very firm pressure using the calf muscles. When the recliner is out, the chair can be quite unstable and has often tilted to the side or backwards. Required me to elegantly drop a leg to quickly leave a side to prevent me from falling.
Doesn't sound very good, does it? Wow. I mean, you wouldn't want to fall out of a chair, would you? Not like a recliner chair. That's what happened with that one.
I was reclining in it. This is probably last year or the year before. It's when it broke and it fell over backwards and I was trapped.
I was trapped against the bookcase. I think it was last year. I was upside down, trapped against the bookcase and I couldn't get out.
Yep, I'm still there. Please help. The recliner.
When the recliner is out of the chair, I don't want to make fun of someone because obviously I had a good experience. I hope everything's all right. It's really hard.
How do you know which one to listen to? She's posted a picture and the picture's got it on its side on the floor. But then I'm looking at it, it's just a sideways picture. And someone, Slate Ripper, nice name, wrote down, so easy to put together, so comfortable.
That was it. It does look nice. Steve, very, very, very comfortable.
I bought two for my parents and I can't fold them. They were delivered on time and my parents are both in their 80s and I was in work. The driver carried them in and assembled them both.
Parents are both very happy with the chairs and said they are very comfortable to have on. I can't comment on this because I haven't been given a chance to try them out. They look very sturdy and well padded and the recliner is very easy to use.
How do you know? You haven't been in them? Oh, Dirk Lloyd says so. It's a very comfortable chair. The chairs are used in contrary to this and feel very comfortable with the recliner latch, system working, wheel.
I don't know what accent this is. There were two of mine that happened. One was a distinct, not very nice smell, which lasted for a few weeks.
Then I realised that I had a poo in my pants and I'd forgotten to wipe properly. Then it's now I'm okay and the other one's pushing the leg like that. The rest of that, Shajida.
Very thrilled with this product. Such good price. When you go into furniture stores, they're sitting at £500.
Can't fault the supplier. I did have an issue with the delivery. As he said, they contact me to arrange a delivery date.
But it was dispatched the next day and arrived the second day, which can be ideal for someone. But I was at home. I was at work, rather, and I had to arrange a family member to go round my house.
But they were very helpful and did everything they could to fix this. We'll definitely recommend this to my family and friends and maybe even buy another one for the house. But I'll get it delivered on the day that I'm at home.
I added that bit. They're empty wardens. I can't rate this high enough.
Great value for money. Super comfortable. The recliner features go right back if you want it to.
Very easy to put together. Just slot the top part into the base and then the arms onto the top. Recommended.
Edward Griffin says, really comfortable. It comes in a fairly large package. Absolutely gorgeous to sit in and rest on.
Really comfortable. It comes in a fairly large package, but all the good things do, don't they? And it's easy to assemble. The only thing that was slightly worrying was the guy who delivered and my son had a little difficulty getting into through that door.
That's all. And I found another one that was cheaper. Recliner armchair, 135 pound.
Again, it doesn't have any... You need to have armrests that are padded, I think, if you're going to be for a recliner. Otherwise, you balance in your arms. It's really thin.
Some of these are thin. Yeah. They look nice.
I don't know why I'm looking at that. How did I get on that subject? I didn't know. I've got a nice little message from Melrose Wilted Flower.
It's on Twitter at Simmel Rosemi. It's July 11th. Listen to podcasts today and it really helped me fall asleep easily.
Thank you. Thank you all very much. I probably had some other messages as well that I've not read out.
Let me see. I'm really dragging this. I'm at 93 minutes.
I should have stopped ages ago. I wonder who's fast asleep. I had a message here from Natalie.
I'm not sure if I read it out, but I shared it on Facebook. So it says, I'm absolutely so grateful to have found Jason. He's helped me, helped so much already.
Insomnia, chronic pain, relaxation, and so much more. He's absolutely amazing. And his baby, Andre, he's absolutely adorable.
Again, thank you for everything that you do. Thank you, Natalie. I really appreciate that.
It's lovely words. Very heartwarming, actually. So the only other thing I can do is go to... Again, a big thank you to Jade, who sent me some stuff from Amazon on my Amazon wishlist.
I really appreciate it. Thank you. You are a star.
Yay. Also had some stuff from Andre as well. Yeah.
So I received in the post, I've got some healthy chicken and liver natural eats, delicious meat treats. This is for ferrets. Although Andre refused to eat one, because I'm moving.
I've got some shampoo for him. Also got some dry food and some cat food or gravy. Delivered to Mrs. from Jade.
Thank you very much. Generally, very beautiful thing to do. Thank you.
All right. You are amazing. Yes, you are.
Yes, you are, you are, you are amazing. You should all. What's this?
June 22 okay okay so I'm just looking looking at stuff that's it I can't I don't think there's any other messages but there might be but I don't know missy missy missy one message saying hi so I'm going back hi and yeah I think some of the message is the life as not a certain message Vanessa sure Vanessa let's have a look I had some comments on my profile picture what did I get what did I get for comments this is on the the picture of my chair oh my chair looks awful and so yeah
Vanessa said throw a blanket over it and this was says waitress says do you still sit in it doesn't look very comfy and I just did replies I said it's not it's not comfortable I do sit in it though John Kelly says the captain's chair I said yeah that is Mo says duct-taped right and Molly says is this still available so I have to figure out how much to sell it for it's gonna cost a lot to ship over to you Molly I'll write that down it will cost a lot to ship over to you
if you listen to this you realize I was just messing around just joking just joking just messing around singing a tune I think that's it I'm trying to think there's any other other bits that's any other stuff that people have written but I don't seem to be well I've got a few comments on the food deliveries Irene says glad you got delivery how was Sunday just doing well Vanessa I did thank you Vanessa Patterson says looking great so I replied to that so thank you all thank you all and Kissy says let's eat sus oh
yeah it's I have over the weekend you know I discovered at all rediscovered is I have some acid reflux so I'll add your medications for it I just take one tablet a day in the morning about half hour before you have any yogurt an Activia yogurt after eating like a meal it seems to really sort my stomach out really kind of evens out the acid levels so anyone has acid reflux and stuff it can be too much acid or too little you know it depends and really does really ticks the box having a nice yogurt
Activia yogurt I don't know if it's them specifically but they seem to they seem to be really cool I like them I like them a lot haven't had one since March I think so it's nice to sort of be back and having them yeah so I thought I'd come to the end of my recording started off with nothing to talk about ended up with nothing to talk about no change really it's just more of the same isn't it yes it is right so that's it thank you very much for listening remember remember you know I'm
gonna say remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy do something nice for yourself today be gentle to yourself genuinely it's really worth worth doing be gentle you know stop giving yourself such a hard time about stuff just be gentle treat yourself like you're a newborn baby it's that kind of gentleness you know when you touch a newborn baby's head for the first time and you can feel how soft it is and you know you gotta be gentle it's precious little baby how about treating yourself like that because you're just as
precious as any baby anyway thank you for listening that's enough
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.