#444 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (4th July 2020)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen and you can safely close your eyes.

And that's it. Andre is participating by providing background sound, which some of you regular listeners may be familiar with. I won't say any more than that.

Yep, it's Saturday something. What is the date of work? It's Saturday the 4th of July. Now, I've not actually felt very well yesterday and today, being in bed all day and all night pretty much, just had no energy and all that stuff.

But I perked up a little bit tonight. A little bit perky. Like a, I was going to say nipple.

I don't know what I was going to say. A nipple being stroked with an ice cube. I don't know, just I'm perky, that's what I'm saying.

I'm getting perky and pink. Yeah, so I didn't make a Let Me Bore You to Sleep recording yesterday, I don't think. I can't actually remember.

I don't think I did. I did do a few recordings Friday morning. But then come the Friday evening and Saturday morning, I didn't do anything.

So it's probably not noticeable to those that don't realize that I've not made any recordings, apart from those that have noticed it, I guess. Oh, it's a bit warm in here. I think I'm going to take my top off.

Oh, something there. Oh, it's a t-shirt. So I've got a yellow t-shirt on today for those.

Who cares? Who cares? So I was earlier today, a few hours ago, I went online looking for happy, positive, uplifting stories from the source, from the newspapers themselves, online versions of the newspapers. I started in England and I had a list of newspapers to go, you know, that links to different, like up north, Newcastle, Scotland, British newspapers, but you know, lots of different ones around the country. And I had to stop after a few because I could not find one positive story.

Not one, not one. You know, and I think sometimes the only positive stories you get is that someone's reached a hundred, you know, something like that, or a cat comes home after three days, which is brilliant for the, you know, the people that live with a cat. But they don't seem to have, you know, sometimes you get like a dog that's, yeah, even then there's usually a crime involved or someone's stolen the car with a dog in the back of it and they've driven to the other side of the world and the dog's managed to make their way back.

It's always connected to a crime. It's always a negative stance. So I gave that up as a just, why? Why? Why? Why? I don't really understand.

Why? There's lots of really amazing things that happen in people's lives. There must be, like nothing really happens to me because I don't really do anything, but those people that are active and they're going out, even just a happy story of someone going out and saying, you know, I pulled last night, you know, or I met someone really nice last night and spent up, spent all night talking to them and realized what's so much in common. And now we're going to spend the rest of our lives together.

You know, something like that, just something quite cringy, something uplifting. I met my soulmate, really weird that he happened to be, he happened to live in the next road to me. 7 billion people in the world and my soulmate lived in the next road.

What's the odds? Yeah. What are the odds? Yeah. Okay.

That's why I think my soulmate lives in probably China or maybe South Africa or New Zealand or, you know, Australia or Canada or somewhere like that, somewhere long, long way away or living in a rainforest somewhere. The chance is, oh, someone moved into my building and just clicked my soulmate. Yeah, clicked, but soulmate, the one person in 7 billion happened to move into your building.

Ah, what's the odds? Yeah, I think the odds are quite high. Dear Jason, you're being really negative about love. I'm not.

I'm just mocking it, the difference. I'm mocking out of love. So if anybody listed in to this has got any uplifting stories, positive stories about yourself, something that somebody's done for you, to help you, or maybe something that's happened to somebody that you care about, or it could be something really lovely like a family member's been given the all clear on something or, you know, anything like that, just something that's positive, something that's really uplifting.

It's not about it being uplifting to me because it might not, but it's about generally being uplifting to... Andre's laughing at me. Andre, stop it. Sounds like a little monkey, doesn't he? When he's doing what he's doing.

So strange. Yeah, I just took him out for a walk and one of the neighbours or whoever she was said, oh, don't see that very often, do you? I said, yeah, every day. I live with him.

But I didn't say, I used to say that, but I don't anymore because I realise it might come across as a bit rude. And she said, look at his beautiful little face. He's so cute.

I said, well, you clear up his poo then. I didn't say that either. But she's like, he is cute.

I said, apart from when he's naughty. And she said, you've never seen one outside of a cage before. You never see that one in a cage because he doesn't go in cages.

He doesn't think that he should be in a cage. I understand it though. I used to be put in a cage when I was a kid.

A little, little, little, I don't know, three, four. I used to be put in a cage. So we went to the zoo and the staff thought I was a monkey, an escaped monkey.

So they put me in. It's very restricting being in a cage. It's not pleasant.

It's like, oh, this looks funny in a cartoon, but it's not funny in real life. You know, I was raised as a hamster and that's why I've got such big cheeks because, you know, I've always stuffed my food into my cheeks and saved it for later. Never, never really sure when the next meal was coming.

I've always got massive cheeks. I do actually, in the past, I've walked down the street, I've knocked people off their bikes before with my cheeks. Ridiculous.

I was stuck between two lampposts once. I was walking in the middle of the road. Oh, he's so cute.

The way he ruins that bubble wrap, holding onto that slipper. What's going to happen? What's he going to do? Run away? If that slipper was ever used in evidence in court against him, it'd do life. Honestly, he would never get out.

The state of that slipper. Yeah, so it'd be nice to get some positive stories because I do follow the news. Unfortunately, it's a case of having to because of all the different rules coming in and, you know, it can't.

Andre can't. Oh, he can't. He can't plead ignorance when it comes to the new rules that keep coming in.

It's so... Oh, he's had a fan. Unlike Andre, who's got thousands of fans. Yeah, you have to know what's going on.

My friend got on a bus yesterday, he told me. I believe him. You don't want to brag about getting on a bus, are you? It's not something you're going to make up.

Guess what I did yesterday? I got on a bus. I don't believe you. He got on a bus, he had a face covering on and the bus driver said, you have to have your dog, your dog has to have a face covering.

Seriously. He said, you're not getting on unless your dog has a face covering. I was like, really? Have you ever tried to put a surgical mask on a dog? They don't like it.

It's just getting... I'll tell you what it is. It's individuals making up their own rules based on, I guess, their own fear, I suppose. So there's bus drivers.

Unless the person in charge of the buses is as vague as Boris Johnson, because I've been on buses where people have just been sitting there without any coverings on and the bus driver's not doing anything and other drivers, they're basically asking me to put two masks on. I said, you have to cover your whole, can you cover your whole face, please? I said, I haven't got to cover her whole face for this thing. He said, it's not because of that, I just don't want to look at you.

That's a bit rude, isn't it? Yeah, the bus drivers haven't got any coverings on. My bus driver was wearing swim trunks. I can't say the word swimming.

Swimming trunks. Swimming trunks. Admittedly, he did have... He had trousers on over them.

And the reason I know he had swim trunks on, because I took his trousers down and I'd look. Why am I saying this stuff? I don't understand. I didn't get it.

He didn't know why. Did you hear that bing? Great. So my tablet's just done a bing for no reason, which is not what I mean to be happening.

Why is there a bing? It's because I've had a text. Wines me up. Oh, by the way, if anybody wants to help out with the future costs and running costs of this service, you can.

But I'm no longer giving the... I don't give the PayPal out or put the link anywhere. It's a hidden link. Only for those that want to help.

So I'm not giving it out generally, but only for those that want to. Basically, you go to my website, you click the banner at the top. The one that says over 1 million downloads yearly.

It should be about 1.8 million, but I thought I'd downplay it. You click that, it takes you to PayPal. Only if you want to.

If you don't, I will need some help in the next couple of weeks. To pay for the website and for the podcast hosting, which is in about literally just over a week's time. So it'd be good to get that kind of ready, if you know what I mean.

But there's no adverts on the websites, not on my podcasts. And as of this second, I took them off, put them back on, took them off, put them back on. Now, I don't know, just left them off.

So there you go. So I thought about writing a book. How to not make any money ever.

It should be how to have less than 50 pounds in your bank by the year, your entire life. That could be the title of the book. It's a bit long though, isn't it? A bit wordy.

I could do one, how to be a failure. How to fail at everything and not learn by any of those failures. Give a bit of my own self-help book.

How not to learn by any mistakes. Could be a bestseller. I could write that over probably a day.

I'd write that book. Very easy. The thing is, I like the idea of writing a book that's good.

If I was going to do that, you know, write it, I think I need like a, not a ghost writer, but an editor, someone to write it with. Someone who has the technology or the finances, whatever, to go through all of my stuff, all of my material, all of my recordings, and then put together an idea for a book. And then me and that person get together either virtually or, you know, in person and write the book, you know.

And then go, you know, split the profits. So the other person gets maybe 3% of the profits. Sounds fair, doesn't it? So yeah, I think it'd be quite cool to do something like that.

Basically to get someone else to do most of the work. But I've already done most of the work, haven't I? But I'm the one that's done the talking. I'm the one that's, yeah.

It's not really work, is it? I'm not sure. The thing is, I know that if I actually wrote a book, if I did it on my own, the likelihood is I would just give it away for free. I could do everything else.

Just, you know, put it on Kindle, it'd be for free. Download it for free. Because for me, in a sense, to have had thousands of downloads of that book would mean more than making thousands of pounds.

You know, to me, if I could sort of get hundreds of thousands of downloads, I'd be just a lot happier. I don't know why. I think that some people would be, they'd be happier to just get, you know, maybe 5,000 or 10,000 downloads.

And to be making $5 or $3 profit for each book, which would give them 30 grand. And you're much happier to do that than to get 150 to 200,000 downloads and to make no money. I prefer the second version.

Maybe I got it all wrong. Maybe. I mean, generally, I think I would rather, yeah, if I was told you're never going to make, it's never going to be able to make any money from doing this.

But in three years time, you're going to be getting a million downloads a day. I'd take it. Or five years time, you're going to get a million downloads a day.

I'd take it. Because it just means that I'm reaching more people and hopefully helping more people. To me, I don't know.

See, to me, right, I keep saying that, don't I? To me, it's the motivational recordings I listen to. I get a little bit drawn in two directions with those. Because the techniques, the mindset, the positive thinking, all helps, regardless about whether you're trying to make money or not.

But a lot of them do talk about money. And I kind of don't see, well, I'm not saying I don't see, but I can't, I'm not sure where the money is going to come from in the future. Because it just doesn't seem right in a way that as the audience grows, and it has really been growing lately, you know, I really get under sort of 7,000 this last week, for some reason.

But it's kind of evening out about 5,000 a day plus sort of over the month. But we're only four days into the month, Jason, you know, I'm not talking about that. Just say it's grown.

The, just, it's grown a lot just over the last week or so. And it just seemed weird to be sitting here unemployed, yet being kind of successful. Not now, but you know, in the future, once I've got to maybe, I suppose 100,000 downloads a day, I suppose that's fairly good, isn't it? That's quite a successful wish.

Yeah, because with the adverts, for 100,000 downloads a day, that would be about 100 grand a year in adverts, if I have adverts. So just to give you an idea what the potential is. But people don't like them.

So I don't know. I just don't know. But I mean, my aim was to get to 10,000 a day by December, but I'm only 3,000 off of that already.

And it's only the beginning of July. So I'm probably now going to up my aim to 20,000 by December a day. I think that's a fair enough, nice little aim.

So 20,000 a day, what will that be? Times by 365, 7.3 million a year. So that's all right, isn't it? I think. And then maybe aim to get to 50,000 the following year, a day, by the end of the year.

Yeah, which would be 18,250,000. See, then, to me, that makes sense that I'd be aiming for 100,000 a day at the end of the following year. Because you know how it grows exponentially.

Things just seem to do that for some reason. It's the same on YouTube. It's the same.

I'm not really sure how it works, but it seems to happen like that. So it might be a struggle to get to the first 1,000 a day. So when you first start a podcast, you might get, you might only get three or four downloads a day or listens, listens and downloads.

It's the same thing. And so you get, so I think in the old days, people used to download and listen to them on their own kind of iPod. Now because of the streaming, you know, you can still download, but mostly people just stream.

And it's still classed as a download. When you download something, like a picture or video, it's still downloading, isn't it? Even if you're streaming it. So yeah, if you start off, you might get, well sometimes, if you first start off podcast, and I've started podcasts where I've got nothing and then I get nothing and then nothing and nothing.

And even some podcasts like the Hypnotic Buffet, still nothing. It's like the most unpopular podcast I ever did. Yeah, it used to be popular when I first did it.

I don't know what happened. It'd be a little, well, okay, not the same, but it would be similar to me stopping doing the Deep Sleep Whisper ones, getting rid of that podcast, and then coming back in maybe two years time and just starting a new podcast with those recordings and maybe getting no one listening. Mind you, they're quite popular.

So I think I would. Plus there's a lot of them. I've done a lot of those.

So they seem to have their own audience. But I don't know. What am I talking about? I don't know what I'm talking about, really.

Just waffling. Waffle, waffle, I've got waffling. It's nice to see when a podcast starts to grow.

Now, when I did the Spreaker, it was two years ago. Three years ago would be in October. I think it was in November when I started these podcasts.

Not this one. This one was beginning of 2018. So I've been doing this one for nearly two and a half years now.

I must be a little out of time. 45,000, I think I've done so many. There's so many podcasts I've done on here.

450 million podcasts. Episodes. And I can't believe I'm still doing it.

You'd have thought I'd have got married or got a hobby or something, wouldn't you, by now? And surely, how come he's not met anybody? Because you know, if I meet someone, I'm not going to, I'm going to be busy doing that. I won't be putting much attention in this probably for maybe a few weeks or a few months. I'd be all loved up.

Possibly. I don't know. And that's, what if I got a hobby? I started, I don't know, playing chess or, oh, wait a minute.

Maybe this is my hobby. Perhaps I need to think of it as being a hobby. I just find that a bit demeaning, personally.

My dad told me that years ago. It's a hobby. It's demeaning.

He said, it's a hobby. You have a very demeaning hobby. That was a lovely Christmas dinner.

No, he didn't say that. He said, anyone else eating those Yorkshire puddings? Which basically means he wanted it. I said, no, I'll have it.

No, I'm joking. I would never do that. Although I might have done.

I can't remember. So I did. Maybe I need to think about it as being a hobby.

Just stop taking it too seriously. And just make recordings when I can be bothered and not really put much effort in. Maybe I should do that because all my hobbies were never hobbies.

That's the thing. I've never had a hobby in my life. Anything that other people would class as a hobby was my life.

Absolutely my life. So the, go back to the martial arts. That was my life when I was about 14.

And my entire life waking up till I went to bed, I was thinking about karate, Kung Fu, Bruce Lee movies, Kung, you know, every single martial arts movie I watched. I collected stuff. I had weapons, martial arts weapons and had a little gym, kick box, two punch bags and stuff like that.

You know, just weights and nunchucks and throwing stars. You name it. I was obsessed.

So it wasn't a hobby. It was my life. It was everything to me.

It's all I cared about. And then, you know, probably the worst part of my, one of the worst parts, times of my life was when I left school and I stopped doing the karate. Because the family broke up.

The parents got divorced and I ended up sleeping in the little camper bed in my mother's mother's flat. And she lived there. My little brother lived there.

I was 15. I'd left school and it was just all a bit rubbish. And then I got a job in a chip shop.

And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, I got a job in a chip shop, full time, on YTS, which meant I wasn't even getting paid proper money. So everybody that I worked with, even the people that were still at school, like the waitresses that would come in on a Saturday and maybe a couple of evenings a week, they were getting paid more than me. They were taking home more than me.

Seriously. That's how low my money was. And I was there six days a week.

And I kind of lost my way a little bit really. I didn't have, I got really involved in selling. So I became a bit of a, well this is something I've not really told anyone around.

I wanted to be a Del Boy, you know, like from Only Fools and Horses. I wanted to be a ducker and diver. And I did a bit of this at school.

I used to sell stuff and I used to lend money. Because I was, when I was at school, I always had money because I always worked. So I always had, from a very, not always at school, but from the age of about 12, I got a paper round.

I worked in the bakery on the weekends. I've got various different paper rounds and some monthly ones, which would deliver leaflets. The Town Crier, I had other ones that were week, every two weeks.

I had weekly ones. I had daily ones, you know, just you name it. I had, you know, the reason for it is the reason is because if I didn't work, my dad would have me out in the garden or doing something inside, working, decorating or helping him do stuff.

So I figured I might as well earn some money. I might as well go out and work. That way, he was happy because that's what he wanted.

He wanted us to work. And that way I didn't have to spend time at home, which was good. And so I'd work Saturday, Sunday mornings in the bakery.

And then I'd have evening paper round. So I had early morning paper rounds, but I couldn't do that at the same time as the bakery job because I was working Saturday and Sunday mornings. So I had an evening paper round, monthly paper round, and bi-weekly paper round.

And I delivered those during the week and evenings and different times. And the bakery job finished at midday anyway. It was like, I think, six o'clock on a Saturday till 12.

And then on a Sunday, it was five till 12, I think. And the thing is, it wasn't far from where I lived. It was just up the road, down the hill, and that was it.

So it was really, really easy to get to. It wasn't hard work. It was hard.

I mean, not compared to some of the stuff my dad had me doing, like digging holes in the garden just to move one pile of dirt to another pile of garden. It seemed something like absolutely no reason, but cutting down trees and stuff like that. I just ran stuff, but I'm sure there was a reason for it.

I just didn't understand it at the time or now. So I enjoyed that job because the people who worked there were nice, really nice. One was a miserable old git, but the rest of them were nice.

The owner really liked me. So I've gone really well with him. And his son worked there, and I've gone really well with him as well.

And a few other people. And my friend, who is probably maybe a little bit older, worked there. So yeah, I moved because originally I worked there in the evenings.

I think on a Friday evening after like seven o'clock onwards, and maybe a Saturday evening as well in the... as a kitchen porter. Because it was a restaurant as well. There was a restaurant two levels.

There was a restaurant upstairs, restaurant downstairs. People had weddings there. There was also the bakehouse.

In front of the downstairs restaurant, there was a bakery. So people come in and get bread and cakes and all that stuff. And yeah, I worked there.

And I remember I used to... the woman, the lady that was kind of... It was a family operation, really. And I think my boss, who... he gave me the job at the bakehouse. He asked me if I wanted to work in a bakehouse.

But he... I used to shout at his sister, because his sister used to shout at me, so I used to shout back at her. I wasn't very good at taking to that. I was a little bit reactive back then.

So I was about 13, 12, 13. So if someone shouted at me, I'd shout back at them. And child, adult, didn't care.

Teacher, didn't care. Just I'd always give it back. And constantly she was threatening, you're going to get sacked.

I said, what do you feel? I need this job. I'm 12. What do you feel? I'm going to go hungry.

I'm hungry. At least I'll go home and I'll be eating at home, which is better than eating here, eating your muck. Didn't like that.

And for some reason, she put up with me. And I think a brother who was in charge, he came and said, that's my sister, that is. I said, yeah.

What are you telling me for? I've got dishes to wash. I didn't know who he was. He said, no, I'm whoever his name was.

I do know his name, I just don't want to say it. And he said, do you want to work in a bakehouse? I said, yep. Because I knew about the bakehouse, because my brother had worked there in the past.

And I knew that it was the best job. Provided you didn't mind getting up early on a Saturday and Sunday morning. I'd had an early morning paper round previous to that, so I was kind of used to it.

Didn't like it, but I did it anyway. And yeah, I enjoyed it. I was getting paid about 10 pence an hour, 20 pence an hour or something.

Seriously, it's ridiculously low money, but I was happy. I was working six hours and I'd get paid, it might have been 70 pence an hour, but I'd still come out of it with like a fiver or four, five pound, which was lovely for me. You know, 13 year old.

Do you notice that my age keeps changing? One minute I'm 11, then I'm 14, then I'm 30. Make up your mind. I don't care.

It's not true, is it? It's all lies. It doesn't matter what age I give you. Why can't you tell the truth just once? I did tell the truth just once.

I told you my website address. So, it was so cool. Honestly, I cannot really, out of all the bosses I've had, he's probably one of the nicest, kindest people ever.

Really, I mean that from my heart. I mean it. And he was so good to me.

When I said to him, I'm going to leave now. You know, I decided I didn't want to work there anymore. I think the mornings were just a bit too much for me because I had all the other jobs I had as well.

And he said, oh, so you're retiring then? You know, it's so cute. My voice hadn't even broken. Yeah, I'm retiring, sir.

And you know, I got on really well with his brother, his brother, his son, Simon. And yeah, I think what it was is because his son was about my brother's age, my oldest brother's age, around that time. He's about four or five years older than me.

And he used to make fun of me. And I liked that because he didn't do it cruelly. You know, with brothers, it's never nice.

It was never, it was horrible. And I was the same. It was never kind of, what do they call it? You know, when you're just, you're ribbing someone and you make fun of them, but it's like, you know, like a kind way.

I don't remember that happening with my brothers. It might have done, it might just be my memory not like playing very well. But I'm not sure if I ever said anything nice to my brothers ever, or if they ever said anything nice to me in a kind of jokey way.

We were nice to each other at times. Because we loved each other, you know. Can't help it, can you really? Grow up with someone, even if you don't like them, kind of still sort of love them, I suppose.

But Simon, he was like having an older brother that seemed to care about me. He was so nice with his jokes. He'd make fun of me, but he was nice with it.

Like really teasing, and I liked that. I don't know, I just feel fondly he died very early, very young. Yeah, a couple of years later, in fact.

But I really liked him. And yeah. So, and his dad opened up an ice cream place dedicated to his son below the restaurant.

Yeah, he would nose together, they'd moan at each other. Because I don't know if they lived in the building, I'm not quite sure, they lived just up the road. Because they're a rich family.

They'd been around for a long, long, long time, like the family. I think it was passed on from parents or grandparents to them. So they'd been a big force in that town for like 150 years or something.

I think they got the money from slave, owning slaves, I think. But they didn't, they didn't. That's the, that's the rule, that's the rule family.

That's the Prime Minister's family. So there's a lot more police sirens going off today than normal. Probably because the pubs are back open.

So I, he's, Simon used to turn up late. And he'd have his, by late, I mean, he'd turn up at like half 10, 11. And he should have been there at like six, same as everyone else.

And he'd be wearing his tennis gear, like tennis shorts, tennis top, holding a tennis racket, you know, and it's in its cover. He'd been playing tennis. Oh, sorry, I'm a bit late.

And his dad would just, his dad just didn't know what to say. He'd like start laughing. It's like, you're supposed to, because we all had to work twice as hard.

And well, they had to work twice as hard. I was getting paid 16 pence an hour. So I just did what I did.

I'm not sure how much use I was at all, really. I suppose just having someone there to move stuff around, that's what I did. I did a lot of like, taking things out of the oven, putting them into the cage, or put, you know, putting the dough into the riser, or whatever they called it, and then moving the stuff once it cooled down a bit, like cakes into the baskets, and then carrying the baskets down into the restaurant and eating as many as I could on the way.

I'm not joking, I loved them. Loved. Technically, that's stealing.

But I found out that he always made more than he needed, because he knew that's what everyone did. Didn't really think of it as stealing, but I suppose, yeah, now, I didn't eat loads. I'd like have maybe, well, I'd have my breakfast at, what, half past five in the morning on a Saturday, to be, you know, have some shreddies and milk or something.

And then I just, you know, get dressed. I can't guarantee I even had a wash, I really don't know. I can't remember that far.

I can't remember every single wash I've ever had. And I couldn't, probably the last one I had, that was about three weeks ago. So I'd walk down.

I even remember the route I'd go. I'd just go down the hill, and it was beautiful. Sometimes I'd walk down the steps to the prom.

Depends if it was a nice day. If it was summer, it'd be nice if I had a little bit more time, you know, if I was running early. Because they turned up on the second, pretty much, six o'clock.

There'd be people waiting outside to get in. So it was not much, no point in me getting there early. And so I'd quite often get there, and I'd just, maybe I'd get there early, and I'd just walk along the beach and have a little paddle or something.

And in the summer, I might, you know, sunbathe or something, you know, a little bit of sunbathing at five o'clock in the morning. And there was a point to what I'm saying, but I can't remember what it is. Something to do with getting up early and walking there, having a wash.

No, it wasn't about cleanliness. What do you reckon it was? What do you think? I really can't think what it could be. I wonder.

What could it be? What could it be, my idea? Oh, I had a little, I had a little thing that I did. And it was a little obsession that I had. Top trunks.

Now, when I say top, I'm not talking about my normal obsession with tops. I'm talking about my, there is this shop in town. That's a surprising place for a shop to be.

Stop being sarcastic. There's a shop in town that sold these packs of top trunks. No, not trunks, trumps.

Top trumps or trunks. Trumps. Anyway, there were cards and they were in these plastic, little plastic containers.

And I think they were like £1.99 each or something like that, something like that. And I used to buy, I think, one set every day. Because in the summer, I'd work every day of the week, six days a week, all the way through the summer.

But I had that job. I'm not sure. I might have only done one summer.

I worked every, every morning. Which meant I was having £5 a day in my pocket. So that's 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 30 quid a week.

Actually, it was seven days. It probably wasn't. I'm sure it didn't have any work in seven days a week.

Because I don't think, no. I probably did five days. I can't imagine I did seven.

You know, there were open seven. I don't remember. Anyway, so that was nice to have that money.

And these top trumps, trump, trump, top things. I collected them. I don't know why.

I just fell in love with them. There was ones with cars and boats and stuff that I've got no interest in. Well, even then, I mean, but I bought them.

And I loved them. I loved them so much. And, yeah, I don't know why.

I mean, most of the thing, I really only spent my money on books. Books and maybe like albums, you know, sort of tapes. But even then, not that many of those, more books.

Books is the thing that I really collected. And sweets. And I used to buy stuff off the catalogue and pay it back weekly.

So I bought, I got a BMX bike, which cost me probably about £100 or something like that. So I paid that back over about a year. And then I also got a guitar, an electric guitar.

And guess what it was I got? It was a bass. I bought myself a bass electric guitar so that I could learn to play the guitar like the normal electric guitar. But no, I got a bass by mistake.

So I just didn't do anything with it. I think I just gave it away. I bought a fishing rod once.

Not just a fishing rod, I bought a fishing rod. I bought all of the fishing equipment, like the whole padon, the whole don of fishing stuff. And I went fishing off the pier.

And it was the coldest day of my life. And I sat there and I was walking back. I didn't know what I was doing, didn't catch anything.

And someone said, yeah, you're chucking the long end into the sea. And I just, I walked home. And bearing in mind, the walk home wasn't a long walk, really.

From the pier to the hill, probably about 10 minutes. And then from the hill, about another 10 minutes. So it's a 20 minute walk, probably less than that, really.

It was the longest walk of my life. Oh, honestly, I was like, how come I didn't get a last meal before this walk? This is ridiculous. It was so cold and windy.

And I was carrying all this stuff that was quite heavy, was getting heavier and heavier. And when I got home, I promised myself I would never ever fish again. And my brother said, you didn't really fish this time, did you? You didn't catch anything.

Plus you kept chucking the rod in to the sea and holding on to the line. I said, look, just give it a rest just this one time, please. I beg of you.

And he said, sorry, he didn't. And I went back to the person I bought the fishing gear off and I said, will you buy it back off me, please? And he said, no. I said, well, you can keep it anyway, or you can chuck it out.

I'm leaving here. So that was probably about a good 50, 60 pounds or something. I probably spent on that.

Maybe 40. It was still quite a lot. I took it back.

It was just a private sale, a friend's dad or something. Nah, you can keep it. That's why I've never, now, I wouldn't go fishing for moral reasons.

I'm not a moral person, but I just, it's not something that I would do. I wouldn't want to for different reasons now. But I like the idea of trying to find, trying to do something that's peaceful and to, I guess, trying to find who I was.

I'm not a fisherman. That's who I'm not. And one of my best friends, he loves fishing.

I'm never going to go. I can't. It's the one thing I'm never, ever, unless, you know, unless I do actually go, then that's different.

But outside of actually going, I'm never going to go. Ever, ever, ever, ever. Yeah, so that's it.

That's a bit loud. I've got to stop doing loud yawns. I'm sorry.

Especially by the end. I might edit it out so you can't hear it. And then you'll be thinking, what's he talking about? And then you're probably thinking that anyway.

So I'm going to go. Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy.

Yeah, you do. Do something nice for yourself. Lots of love.

Bye.