#432 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (18th June 2020)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen and you can safely close your eyes. I'm trying to put the microphone as far away from my big mouth as I can because it seems to... I just seem to talk too loudly sometimes.

I try not to. I don't try to put a lot of effort into not talking loudly but, you know, my talking loudly isn't my aim. I'm feeling quite tired.

So Andre is doing good. Well, there's no difference, you know, in his leg but he's doing... he's just as annoying as normal. He's trying to wind me up and he's eating fine and he's scratching at the front door to get out and biting my toes when I take my shoes off.

He's just doing exactly as he normally does except he's just not able to walk as well. Still insists on going out though so I took him out for a walk, making sure he only goes on the grass. What are you doing? I put a bag on the floor like it's a little gift bag and now it's become his most favorite thing to be in.

He likes sleeping in there and hiding in there. He's just come alive suddenly. I mean he wasn't dead but he's just come alive suddenly awake, wide awake, which isn't something I should be saying during a sleep session.

He's just... Is it because I'm doing a recording? It might be. That seems to be part of his process. I mean at the moment, he's scratching the door right now, four o'clock in the morning.

He's scratching at the door and that echoes into the hallway, the communal hallway. It's out of order. What can I do? I can't put him in his cage because he can't get up and down the ramps in his cage because of his leg.

If I put him in the bedroom, he'll just scratch at the bedroom door to get out. It's four o'clock in the morning. Now let's have a look outside.

It's still dark. It's raining. Does he really think that I'm gonna walk outside in the rain, in the dark? I mean really, really, I ask you.

So just, well, it's not interesting but if in case you are interested, I've just done a sleep hypnosis weekly recording. That's me picking my glasses up. I'm wondering why my eyes are getting tired.

It's because I've got my glasses on. That's better. And now he's pushing the kitchen door open because it's not open enough for him because I try and pull it up a little bit because the fridge is humming away.

Andre, you are milking this. Now I'm gonna drink. Now he wants to climb onto the chair.

He's underneath the chair. His front feet are not, he's got no problems with them. He literally pushes, he practically pushes the whole chair over.

It's a big black recliner chair. He's so strong. If nothing else, I can learn something from him.

I just picked him up. I suppose what I can learn from him is, well, I'm not, I think I'm pretty tenacious anyway. I have been described as that, or was it, no, not bad, something like that.

But he's so determined and he will not quit. You know, I think it's quite amazing that even though one of his legs doesn't work at the moment, temporarily, I hope, he just doesn't stop. He doesn't stop him from doing anything, which to me shows that he's okay.

You know, I'm not an expert, I'm not a vet, but to me, just logically, that would prove that he's actually physically and mentally well because he's no different. And I spent, you know, I've spent five years, all day, every day for five years, pretty much with him. I've seen him in all different moods and different, you know, health positions.

We had a chest infection once, he's had colds, he had a flea. I mean, that was horrible. I mean, I had to get the whole place fumed or defumed or whatever.

But he's laying on my lap now and I'm just stroking his, like his head and the back of his neck and his bum's up in the air and his legs, back legs are up in the air. And I'm holding his back, you know, his body area, and he's just resting his head on my thigh and he's got his eyes half closed. How he's comfortable in that position, unless he's just waiting for me to wipe his bum.

It could be what he's got so used to it. Yeah, daddy, I'm ready. No, not falling for that trick again.

Oh, you're a good boy, aren't you? Sometimes. A good little boy. A lot of people out there have sent you all kinds of lovely messages.

They say, Andre, yeah, saying that they hope you get better soon. Yeah. So thank you.

I know I said yesterday, thank you, but there have been more messages and stuff. So thank you very much. He's going to sleep.

His eyes are fully closed and they don't normally do that. I'm not saying that he's not, his eyes never close, they do close. But usually in this situation, he falls asleep by accident and then he'll wake up and look up at me and say, who are you? What are you doing? And he'll run off.

It's like, who are you? And he'll just, you know, jump off my lap and run away. It's almost like when I'm talking, it just bores him. I really can hypnotize a ferret.

And if you can send a hyperactive little ferret that won't sit still for two seconds. He just looked at me when I said that. I'm sorry, I shouldn't call you names.

Oh, you are a good boy, aren't you? Yeah, you are. He's put his head back now so I can stroke underneath his chin because he likes that. He can't do it himself.

Can you? You hear what he said to me? He said, no, I can't wipe my own bum either. Now get to it. No, Andre, I'm not doing that anymore.

What are you doing? He's licking my fingers. And now he's biting my hand. He doesn't normally do that.

You don't normally do that, do you? Oh, you're just getting a little bit. Have a little punch up. Do you want to have a fight? You can if you want.

We haven't had a fight for ages. Normally that entails him biting me and me pushing him away and him keep coming back to bite me again. And then me holding him down.

And then what he does when I hold him down, he licks my hand so to say that he submits. And as soon as I take my hand away, he rushes at me to bite me again. That's us playing, isn't it? And eventually it gets too sore and I have to stop.

He gets so carried away. You want to get down? Okay. I'll just put him down.

He's just having a drink now. Now he's got a slipper. Why does he have to do that when I'm on him? I know you said on the phone when I'm making a recording, talking to phones.

I do have a message that I saved. It's a birthday message. Let me have a look.

So I want to wish Taylor Smith a happy birthday because it is the 18th today. It's Thursday 18th of June 2020. So happy birthday, Taylor.

Hope you have a great day and all the best. Other than that, I don't have any messages really. I haven't had no Facebook messages.

I probably have a few Facebook comments. Let's have a look. I know I did have a Facebook message.

Where is it? Okay, this is from Deb. Hi, I hope Andre is improving and back to his mischievous ways. It's the legs.

I don't know. It's hard to tell. My friend said that he seemed to be a bit more bouncy when he was walking earlier.

But he's definitely up to his mischievous ways. So thanks, Deb. I'm going to say thank you on here.

Thank you. So that's it. I don't think there's any other messages.

Let's have a quick look. Let's have a look. Glasses.

I need to get some of those. You know, I used to have bifocals. I did.

All right, so a little. Molly wrote on my YouTube. My Facebook, let me bore you to sleep, Facebook page.

I listened to it during the day because I knew I would want to hear it all. Jason should do a life updates podcast. Molly, don't you think I do enough? I'm just going to put thanks.

I already started a new podcast. I'm not stuck to it. Which, what is it I did? Jason's Positivity Podcast.

That was Jason's. No, I started a podcast. Yeah, I didn't do that.

I didn't have a podcast for. I was going to do one for procrastination. All right, so I haven't got around to it yet.

I'm thinking of doing one. I'd be a better joke if I actually delivered it well. It was a very half-hearted delivery.

Yeah, yeah, I was going to do one on. What is it? Procrastination. Yeah, I've not got around to it yet.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was nice.

I made a new recording, Sleep Hypnosis Weekly, number 44. And it's with me, well, it's with and without music. But the one with music, I've done a five-hour version.

So I've got the one without music, which is about 20, 20 minutes, 25, whatever minutes long, or 30 minutes long. The one with music, five hours. So it's got me thinking about being a bit, you know, a bit more creative with maybe making some longer recordings.

It might be fun to do that. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, don't know, don't know, don't know.

No, no, no, no, no. So, what have we got here? I don't want to run away, but I can't take it, I don't understand. Andre, shush.

Weird noise. He's like a monkey. Very much like a monkey.

So, yeah, I need to... I'd like to do more stuff, more recordings. I'm starting to get an urge to do more recordings. But because of this little fella running around, I can't put him in the cage.

I have to wait until he's asleep. Apart from with these recordings that let me put him to sleep, because he always wakes up when I do them, pretty much. It's very strange.

I don't really understand why. Because it's not like I'm shouting or playing cymbals. It's kind of like he wants to be part of it.

I guess he is the star of the show, isn't he? Which is weird. Very weird. Weird.

So, I want to thank people as well for listening. Not just... I know I'm perhaps being a bit bit soppy today, maybe. But I was talking to my psychologist yesterday, or the day before.

Yeah, I don't know what day it was. Tuesday, it's Thursday now. But it's still today.

For me, it's still Wednesday, because I've not gone to bed yet. And I realized that the only constant that I've had for the last 15 years, really, is this. You're making recordings.

And I do feel better when I've made them. I don't always feel like doing them. And especially, sort of the sleep, like the hypnosis stuff, I'm not always... Because of all having to sort of organize it, you know, as far as sort of doing it when he's asleep, or trying to... I mean, literally, earlier on, I was in the bedroom.

I was practically whispering. It wasn't even a whisper session. I was just talking so quietly, hoping that he wouldn't wake up.

Because when he does wake up, he has a tendency of doing it 10 minutes before the end, just to ruin the last bit. And I did a recording earlier for the Relaxation for Stress and Anxiety podcast. And I forget what I called it.

You in the Mirror. It was kind of my, no one's going to know, but you know, man in the mirror. But instead of that, you in the mirror.

And so I released, I did that. And it's kind of like an exercise that you can do, but I talked you through it. And I think it lasted about 20 minutes, something like that.

I think the first 10 minutes, it was cool. Then he woke up. And I keep pausing the recording, hoping that he'll shut up.

But in the end, I took the tablet into the bedroom, because he'd started making sweet love to the slipper. And so I went into the bedroom thinking, oh good, I'll just leave him there. He followed me into the bedroom.

Hassling me and ruining my recording is more important to him than his own love life. Seriously. Just winding me up is, I think, his favorite hobby.

So in the end, I just sort of said, oh, I'm going to go now. I apologize for the background sounds. And I don't know, I have mentioned him in those recordings, because I know it's a different audience to the one I've got here.

There may be a crossover, just in case you like shouting, I listened to that one as well. Thank you. I'm pleased you do.

Yeah, I know it's a different audience, because that audience is larger. Generally, than this audience. Probably because it's, yeah, it's more of a kind of a wider subject, isn't it, I guess.

Anxiety, stress and all that stuff. I suppose listening to me wobble on about nothing every day isn't going to be, it's not going to be for everybody, is it? Let's face it. I mean, I've actually done recordings in the past for the relaxation stress podcast.

And I used to, because I used to record it on my phone. And I would be standing up because I could feel the energy, you know, I could, I had a bit more energy coming into me. And I was not when I was doing the hypnosis, relaxation session, I'd be sitting down for that.

You know, I don't, I don't jog on the spot. And now relax your ears. I get out of breath, wouldn't I? But when I was talking about a specific subject, how am I supposed to talk over that? It's basically, he's got the slipper in his mouth.

And he's cuddled up to the bubble wrap. And yeah, that's all I'm going to say. So his leg, actually, a few days ago, he'd go over there and he'd only spend maybe a few minutes and he'd give up.

Or he just, he wasn't comfortable. But I've noticed he's now there for the duration. So either he's adapted, he's positioned, he's found a new, I did know, I did notice the, I did notice that my Kama Sutra book had been moved.

So maybe you're reading that, I should do that Kama Sutra for ferrets. And you know, I quite like to do, I'd like to do the merchandise with Andre on it. But, you know, I'd want to give it away.

I don't, I wouldn't want to sell it. Just because he's such a, I don't know, his little face and my voice is the, you know, it's kind of seems to be a winning form. Well, you know, I say winning, but an okay formula.

His beautiful little face and my squeaky voice. Andre, shut up. And I don't want to, I don't want to spoil the cuteness or the innocence of him.

But when he makes that noise, that high pitch, there's a reason for it. That's all I'm saying. Yeah.

He's, if he was in the wild, or if he was around lots of females, at the right time, for example, he would be there for hours, and caught in all of them. One after another, he'd be talking to them, and reading poetry to each one. That's what I mean.

So he'd be, he'd be reading a poem to one of them, until he went, and then he'd go over to the next lady ferret, and he'd read her a poem. Until he finished, and the last words of the poem is always, and then he'd read another poem to another lady. So he's, he's got a lot of poems inside him, ready to be read out.

You know what I thought of doing? Because I figured this, if there's any, if there's no other better place for me to be self-indulgent than here, you know, doing these recordings, I thought I might, I might go back to something I used to do years ago. I used to write poems. So, and they, some of them were quite serious, but with like a silly edge.

There was always a silly, a soft edge to it, which is how I've tried to live my life. You know, even with serious moments, try to, you know, try to make it gentle, try to, I don't know how to word it really, but, you know, even visiting some hospital, I'll, my, my aim would be not to sort of feel all sorry for them, and I'd short try and make them laugh, especially if they've got stitches in their stomach, make them laugh. No, but to, to add a little bit of lightness to it.

And part of that might, it's not really because I can't deal with serious stuff, because, man, I trained as a counsellor. I dealt with a lot of really serious stuff for a few years. Other people, serious stuff, as well as being a human and dealing with my own.

We've all had to, haven't we? We're just humans. It's part of being alive. And I kind of prefer the more, like, jovial perspective.

Just, I don't know, suits me better. But it's weird, though, because my dad doesn't find me in the least bit funny. Not, he's on, almost like, no humour there at all.

Like, like he's not hearing any humour. It's strange. I guess it's just parents.

We see, well, we see people in a different way, don't we? Perhaps he sees me as the weird young child I was. And now I'm a, maybe when he sees me, it reminds him how old he is. To have a son that's nearly 50, that's got to be weird.

It's, you know, it feels weird for me. So it's got to feel weird for him. It's just got to be, I don't mean this in a horrible way, just it really, I think back, you know, there's, if I had kids when I was 20, you know, if I had a kid when I, so I nearly did have a child when I was, I was 20, I was 20.

But I'd have been, Andre, stop with the poems. You've read out about seven poems so far, eight or nine, in fact. So I think that's what you call multiple poetry.

If you ever, I'm not trying to gross anyone out, but if you ever want to smell something that you've never smelled before, if you think that you've smelled everything there could be to smell, and I guess some people that work in like with rubbish, garbage, or in fact, you know, factories or farms, they might think I've smelled everything that could be, you know, nothing. There's nothing I've not smelled. I could present you that slipper.

You'd have smelled nothing like it. And I can't wash it because it's his. And the smell is why he loves it.

He first loved it because it had my smell on it, because of my feet. Now it smells nothing like my feet, unless he can still smell my feet in there. And he's, I don't think it's that different from a lot of animals, like dogs as well.

They kind of, they got their blanket, you know, and it smells with their favorite toy, like a slipper or something. There's a smell, isn't there? Well, he gets around by smell and very much more than, like his eyesight isn't great. He can see better in the dark than he can in the light time, during when it's light.

It's just his eyesight's not, he can see stuff and he's not blind. He can see stuff, but it's not like amazing eyesight. But when it comes to smell, that's how he gets himself around.

He can find stuff by smelling for it. And he tests things by biting them. So if there's something he doesn't know, he'll sniff it, then he'll bite it, but just gently, a bit like a shark.

I should explain that one. Yeah, he just bites it gently like a shark. Well, apparently that's what sharks do.

They just, apart from when they're trying to eat something, they'll nip. They'll like nip, just to sort of have thought, what is it? What is it that, you know, so they might bite into a surfboard just as a, kind of just a little tester. Oh, what is it? Tester? Taster? I don't know.

Starter? Are they... Anyway, it's a smelly, it's a smelly old thing. Oh, I'm moving myself. Oh, nice sound of the chair.

So yeah, I wanted to say thank you to everybody that listens to my podcast. Oh yeah, because I was speaking to my psychologist yesterday or the day before, and I speak to her once a month, on the phone now, instead of in person, due to apparently people, the people that went into the room after me, after I'd been in there, kept complaining about the fart smells. And I think it's embarrassing.

I mean, I didn't say anything to the therapist, because I didn't want to embarrass her. You know, I thought she'd have been aware of that. All the way through.

So she didn't, she didn't. And God, I remember, I don't know if I've told you, I've had a few really good farts over the years. But I did a really, I was in the men's section of a clothes shop.

And I was just about to turn the corner, and there was no one around. I let off the biggest, loudest. You'd be proud of me, honestly.

It's almost, a few people listening to this will want to send me a cake. You know, congratulations. I mean, it's pretty impressive.

Really, it was an epic fart. If that don't make my dad proud, nothing will. Nothing has yet.

So that's got to be, come on, come on, daddy, listen, I should have recorded it. If only I had, if only I had an audio recording of one of my farts. Unfortunately, I don't.

And so I did that, because I was, I felt a little bit like Wonder Woman. Do you know when Wonder Woman needed to change from her normal clothes into her bat clothes, or Wonder Woman clothes? And she used to spin around. And I guess it was her, someone, I think she'd sing, Wonder Woman.

And she'd spin. And then a big flash had happened. And she'd be dressed up with the Wonder Woman costume on, her uniform.

And I felt a little bit like that. You know, finding a nice, quiet place where there's no one around. But instead of spinning around turning into Wonder Woman, I just did a big guff.

Instead, I just let one out. And this is kind of like an explosion, I guess, really. And I decided to walk away before I could smell it.

Because, you know, sometimes they do follow you, don't they? So I thought if I move quick enough, then, you know, I'll just leave it there. You know, I think the dump and run, I think it's called. Anyway, there's a lady standing just around the corner.

I mean, you know, a foot away from where I was, but I just didn't realize she was the other side of the corner. You know, it's just, and she was, I mean, I reckon if I hadn't been for that far, I think we would have got married. That's what I'm thinking might happen.

Either that or we wouldn't have got married, you know, one of those. And she looked at me. And I walked past her quickly and I said, that was you.

And I just ran off. I said, that was her. Everyone knew what she did.

Oh, God, what a smell. But yeah, it really did happen. Not like that, but it did happen.

I did a little bit embarrassing. I think the most embarrassing one was when I was actually, this is before I was even a counselor, I was doing the pain relief, free pain relief service in my town where I lived. And I progressed from going around people's houses, though I still did a little bit, to renting out a therapy room on a Saturday morning.

So I was working full time as well. So every Saturday morning, I'd see three or four clients. And I think I started at nine to one or something.

Andre, will you shut up? And there's this one, basically, I used to drink back then at night, not during the day. Well, during the day, but not in the morning. Never really been a morning drinker.

I don't drink alcohol at all now, but I used to. And I used to do handstands as well at one point. The two aren't connected.

I'm just saying it's things I used to do when I was younger that I don't do now. I don't remember ever wetting the bed, not as a child. I'm sure I did.

I just don't remember it. However, I'll tell you what was weird. One of my brothers wet the bed.

I'm talking when I was little. I was only little, very little. And it's normal.

Kids wet the bed. Some kids do. It's like a thing kids go through.

Because one wet the bed, we all had to have plastic sheets. Yeah, just because one wet the bed. And you know what? That was a really, not the best thing for him either, or her, whoever it was that did it.

It's like, you know, but why put sheets on my bed? Wet, not wet, wet sheets. You know, so every time you turn, it just squeaks. Plus, it was part of me.

I mean, I just figured I might as well just start wetting the bed. What's the point in walking to the toilet at three o'clock in the morning when I've got plastic sheets? I might as well just, you know, that's what I thought it was really. I thought it was just a bed, a bed to toilet.

And it was pointed out to me that that wasn't the point of it. The point of it was to train my, my sibling to not wet the bed. Okay.

So putting plastic sheets on my bed is going to train him. Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, really? It's quite weird.

It sometimes seemed, even at the age of eight or nine or 10, that I was more intelligent than the adults. I just used to get very emotional and say really silly things, sometimes quite horrible things. Get really, very excitable.

You know, just, you know, it's like, okay, mum, you know, you're like, oh, I'm really like, really getting overexcited. I said, listen, I only stole 20 pound out of your purse. It's, come on, chill out.

I only crashed your car. Come on. It was a silly, you know, I'd come home sometimes from school.

I came home every day from school and I never missed. Yeah, there wasn't one day that I didn't come home from school. I did every time I did.

But there's a particular time, that's what I mean. And I didn't come home from school every day because I didn't go to school every day. Although once I woke up early and it was, I don't know why, I just thought, I woke up and I was awake, wide awake.

So I got up, no one around, had my breakfast, still no one around, put on my school uniform. There was never anyone around in the bedroom. It was just me and went to school.

And there was no one in the streets. It was like, this is really weird. I just figured there was a zombie apocalypse or something.

So I just carried on. I got to school, my gates were closed, they were locked. And then I remembered, I'm 36, I don't go to school anymore.

No, then I remembered, it was a Saturday or a Sunday, August 30th. It only happened once, I think. So I came home laughing, a little bit embarrassed because I knew about it.

I thought, I wish I hadn't told myself. Now I'm all embarrassed. I hope I don't tell anyone else.

And I went back to bed and then I got up a few hours later. And the reason why I was so wide awake is because it was the weekend. I never woke up on a school day thinking, you know, tap dance to school.

I wonder what wonders are in store today? Yeah. What interesting bit of knowledge will I learn? I wonder what mountain I'll learn about, how high a mountain is? What's the biggest river in Africa? That's what I want to know. That's going to help me in my life.

Yeah. What would I have liked to have learned at school? I think I'd have liked to have learned how to be, I suppose, be human. That's not the right word.

How to have relationships. I mean, there was one class that I was in for the last two years, I think. And it was an okay class.

The teacher that ran it was quite a cool dude. And it was kind of like social studies. It was just a bit of everything and, you know, a bit of, I can't remember, but it was mildly interesting.

But at the same time, humiliating, because one of the, one of the exercises that he gave the whole class to do was to pick, the question was, you're stuck on a desert island and you have to spend the rest of your life or the next two years or something like that with one other member of this class. Who would it be? Write it down on a piece of paper. And, you know, now I put my friend Dean, beautiful best friend, I put him down.

He put Sarah. He didn't put me down at all. He put Sarah.

And I said to him, why didn't you pick me? He said, because you don't have tits. It's like, if only he'd waited. Look, I've got lovely ones now.

Just, yeah, but I'm your friend. He said, yeah. What? I mean, we're talking about a girl who was in our class that didn't even, never spoke to him.

It wasn't because she was stuck up. It's just, you know, she just, we were different. You know, we weren't the cool kids and she was, she was popular.

Nice girl, actually. I did, I met up with her, not met up with her, but I met her a few years after leaving school and she's really nice, really friendly. And so she's always friendly to me, but not, she didn't see me in the same way as I saw her, which is probably obvious, but yeah, I kind of loved her.

I think every boy in the school loved her on a certain level. Andre, can you stop making those noises and milking it? I know that you're absolutely fine and you're awake and you're just pretending because you know that the audience, your audience are listening. I can't make some noise.

See, stop doing it. Now I've mentioned it. You're a mickey taker.

And I can't believe I was like, Dean, we've been best friends since, because the thing is with me and him, when I moved to that little town, that little rubbish town that I lived in for nine years. Awful, awful town. Anyway, I lived there.

I moved there and I just moved from a children's home. And my first friend that I met also lived in a children's home in that town. He lived in Dr. Bernardo's children's home, which then closed down.

And he went and lived with the, or got adopted by the person that ran the children's home. So me and him automatically had something in common, I guess, but we did. And so we were best mates, best friends for quite a long time.

The last year of school, we weren't quite as close. I'm not really sure what happened. I think it was just more going through the changes.

I was going through menopause and he was having corrective surgery. It was just just going through the, you know, it was a weird time. And I think he was more stable in a sense of he knew what he wanted to do.

He was pretty well behaved. And, you know, he'd, I don't know, he was more sensible than me, more mature, way more mature. And, you know, I quite admired that about him, actually.

I never told him, but I admire the fact that he went on, he left school, he went to college, he trained to become what he became. And then he got a really good job and I think he got married and had kids. And, you know, he's a really good bloke.

He was then and I'm sure he is now. And it's weird. I mean, I literally spent so much time with him during, especially during like my teen years, like from 11 to like 14.

Those years, when I got to 15, I said we were kind of moved away from each other a bit. But between 11 or 10 and 14, we were like practically inseparable, just always out on our bikes, just, you know, doing stuff. And I suppose really, in reality, I mean, I had Andre was a good friend and I had another friend, but my mate Dean was, you know, as a child, he was the best friend, my best friend, you know, from everybody.

I knew different people. I had other friends, but he was probably my closest friend. But we, I don't know, I don't know, I think it's because he was bigger than me.

And I think he went through a little phase of going into, because we had a fight, a physical fight, and we never kind of really came back from that. And it was a shame because I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to fight him.

He's my friend. I've got a very, you know, very, yeah, you don't do that to a friend, but he pushed me and I had no choice. I had to give him a bit of a spanking.

And, you know, really, yeah, I think after that, I don't think he really liked me so much. But, you know, he helped me get through high school. I think if it wasn't for him, and like the wackiness, because we both used to just mess around and do silly jokes and just be quiet.

It's very light, you know, it's very kind of fun. But at the same time, yeah, it was, it was cool. Both go riding on our bikes and, but I suppose he didn't do the things that I wanted to do as we got older, you know, although he did a little bit.

But not, not like me, I suppose I was a bit more, not a rebel, but a bit, I suppose a bit more silly, really, just did a few silly things. But generally, I've got nothing bad to say about him. He's really, he's a really nice, nice, nice person.

And, yeah, I was lucky to have a friend like him. The last time I saw him was when I was, I think it's just before I moved to London in when I was 19. Well, I've moved back from London, but I was about to go back.

And I spent, I spent the evening with him and I think his girlfriend. And there was another girl there, and she was making fun of me the whole time, making fun of how I looked. So that was horrible for me.

You know, it was a horrible evening, which should have been a nice evening because I was, for the first time in years, I was spending time with him. And he was, they were both adults by then, he had a car. He might have even had his own house.

But, yeah, there's this gobby, gobby little girl that was just very rude. She's kind of just, I guess, a female equivalent of me at the time, really. So she was just doing what I normally do.

I've been annoying. And I had another friend called Neil. And when I was, I'd already moved to London at this stage.

And he was, he was kind of my other friend. But I used to spend quite a bit of time with, but I spent more time with him after school. Once I'd left, he used to come round me house and we'd have a few drinks, we'd go to the pubs and stuff.

I never did that with Dean. I don't think I ever went to the pub with him. And so Neil was a lot more confident as far as like walking into a pub and ordering a pint of lager, even though he wasn't old enough.

He was confident to do it. So I just used to follow his lead. And it was funny.

I tell you, one thing he did is, I've seen it done in a movie, but he did it before that. I mean, this was probably 1986, 87. We were talking to a girl on the phone.

So we had two different phones. There's two, two phones. And we could both speak to at the same time.

That makes sense. It was two different handsets that were portable. So I'm talking to her.

In fact, no, I think I might have had to announce speaker. And he had one of the phones. And at one point he was in the garden talking, and I was in the kitchen or whatever.

Anyway, I'm talking to her. And so he's gone upstairs to the toilet. And I hear him go to the toilet.

He's got a phone. He's got a phone with him. And he's put it down and all you hear is him tinkling into the toilet.

And it was one of the funniest things I've ever heard. And it was actually a sketch in a movie in the 90s, like a kind of a similar thing. But he did it.

He actually did it in the 80s. And it's a sketch in the Naked Gun film, which was, I don't know, 91, 93, something, where he goes into the bathroom, into the toilet, and he's got a microphone on him. Yeah, Naked Gun man.

Detective Breslow, is it? And he does a wee wee. And it's, it's just, I can't believe it's real. It was done in real life.

And me and this this girl were just laughing. It's one of the funniest things ever. And I don't think he meant to do it.

He just happened to have the phone in his hand. He didn't even tell me he was going to the toilet. He just went up and just put the phone down and went to the toilet.

So funny. It was. I was gonna say you had to be there.

But you need a time machine. A long time ago. I mean, I was.

Yeah, give you an idea. I was 17 at the time. So that's how long ago it was.

And let me just find out. I'm gonna look at my phone. Find out when the first Naked Gun film came out.

Naked Gun. Naked Gun. The actual film.

Oh wow, it did come out in 1988. But it was December 88. Maybe he copied, maybe he copied it.

No, because it came out in 88. I definitely didn't see it at the cinema. Because, you know, I was living in a tiny little town.

I had no money. So I wouldn't have seen it until it came out on a TV or video. So it'd be at least a couple of years before that.

If I put, I'm just going to type in, not the two I'm typing in, but Naked Gun press conference P scene. Watch this moment again. It's quite funny when it takes two.

1980s, I must guess it was. Ah, anyway, I don't care. It was still funny.

Even if it was copied. It's still hilarious. I so want it to be.

I so wanted to have him do it, have done it first. But I don't know, he might not have done. Do you think a five hour recording was too long for that sleep session that I did? Wow.

Blimey. I'm so losing track of what's going on. Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.

Wow. Okay. That just seemed to be my bank balance seems to be like, you know, when I remember the Wizard of Oz, that sand thing, when you turn it over, it just keeps running out.

That's what my, it seems to be like a countdown down clock, just counting down all the time. It's weird. Blimey.

Blimey mcdimey. So yeah, I suppose. Thank you for listening, you know, that's what I was sort of going to say.

And having people ask about Andre's nice. I'll find out on Wednesday, hopefully, what's going on with his leg and what he needs to be done, but I won't be able to have anything done on Wednesday. I'll bring him home and just figure out, you know, what to do next.

But you know, I think the main thing is he seems happy. He seems just as happy in himself as normal. Doing his thing.

Annoying me when he can. Getting lots of kisses and cuddles. You know, he's getting the things that he likes.

He's not getting out as often as he'd like to, but he's never going to get out as often as he'd like to. If I had a little ferret flap in my door for him to get in and out, I'd probably never see him again, you know, because he'd just wander off and probably lose track of where he is. But even if he did, if he was able to manoeuvre around and find his way back every time, he'd be in and out all the time.

He'd just, he'd be gone. He'd go into the fields, he'd fall asleep. And maybe he'd come back.

Maybe he wouldn't, you know. It's really, I think if he had the choice between sleeping here or sleeping in the field somewhere, he'd probably choose the field. You know, that's nature, isn't it? He'd rather be, he'd rather be in a hole somewhere, asleep inside a hole, like a rabbit den or something, than be asleep in here.

I'm pretty sure that would suit him better. That would be something he'd enjoy. But I don't have many holes to offer him.

That's a weird sentence, isn't it? You know, I can't, all my surfaces are flat, you know. It's got carpet, there's no, I mean if this was my building, if I had the whole building, then I could adapt it just for him. And I could have, like, little ferret holes and he'd go between, I mean, I think, yeah, I think if I owned this place, I might make a little ferret hole in the wall so he can go between rooms.

You know, so he can just, like, walk, go around and, but, I don't know, like little doors, like little doors so he could just turn the knob. And he can just go through and it'll be a bit like, what's that film, Jack and the Beanstalk, where the three bears drink that, that potion and it makes them big, and then it makes them small, then it makes them big again, then it makes them small, and then they fall off a wall, and then go and live with some dwarfs or something, yeah. Anyway.

Peace and prosper. I'm gonna go now. Thank you for listening.

And remember, remember to be kind to yourself. Because you deserve to be happy. Happy.

Happy. Lots of love. Bye.