#423 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (8th June 2020)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Molly. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. No, my name's Jason.

Sorry, Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. And this is let me bore you to sleep.

Hope you're well. You'll you'll realize why I said my name is Molly in a minute when I read you out a message. And I think before I start, I'd like to say because I know I've got a worldwide audience.

I'm not bragging. I'm just factually. It's a factual thing.

And I don't know how many people in Brazil or Mexico listen to me. But I just like to send my my love and you know, me and Andre's love to you. And hope that you're keeping well.

That's it. And my only knowledge really about what's going on in other countries is based on what I see on the internet and the TV. What other ways have I got to find out really? And but it's, it's quite weird because I'm seeing other countries who's kind of far behind the UK as far as the the virus stuff goes.

And I've now kind of sort of, you know, going through the sort of period that we were going through maybe a month or two ago. But because you're such a huge amount of more people, it just worries me a bit. But anyway, I hope that you're keeping safe and regardless of what, you just, just, you know, keep safe.

That's it. That's all I can say. I'm no medical expert, but I think about it in a way of a cold.

I know it's not just a cold, but I think about it in a way. In the winter, I keep my distance from people. So that I don't catch a cold, because I don't like having a cold, which is a weird sentence, because I don't think many people do.

I enjoy it. But although this is true. I decided, I think it was 2004.

See, not many people would start a sentence like that, would they? Actually, because I decided, specifically 2004. And I think it was, it was due, I'll tell you what I decided, I decided to take time off work when I was unwell. Instead of just being a hero, and continuing and going to work.

And ultimately spreading all my germs over everybody else. Because most of my jobs, I've been in quite close contact with people in call centers, with the air conditioning spreading. Basically, you can fart on the third floor and smell it in the basement.

I'm saying this to the air conditioning situation. Trust me, I tested this out. I had to run down the stairs, lifts weren't quick enough.

But those were in the days when I could run downstairs. And I think partly because I pushed myself when I was having the extreme anxiety back in the early 2000s. I just was forcing myself to go to work when I shouldn't have done.

So when I got a cold, I didn't never like getting a cold. But when I did get a cold, okay, because I generally just let anyone else get the cold. And I take the whole week off.

Every time. It'd only be like once a year, maybe, if that. But I take the week off.

And I'd be taken like day nurse, and strong painkillers or I don't know, ibuprofen or whatever. So I've almost been buzzing. And I quite liked it, because it's just, you know, I didn't drink any alcohol for a week.

So I had a little break from that. Those are the days when I used to drink. And there was one occasion specifically, I remember.

And it was, I just started my Facebook page, or I think I might have already opened it. But I spent nearly, I spent quite a few hours going through Facebook and adding people, searching for people that had chronic pain issues and insomnia, were members of insomnia groups. And I just added thousands of people, because I was trying to target an audience to with my stuff, you know, with my hypnosis recordings.

This was probably, I couldn't even tell you when it was 2005, 2006, maybe. I mean, I suppose it could be 2007. I don't know when, when Facebook started.

And even though I was, you know, I had a cold, I just enjoyed the week. Because I was in bed. I wasn't in bed, I was laying up in bed, in my bed.

And I had my laptop on my lap, as opposed to balancing them on my toes. And it was a really good week. And you know, when I got a little bit tired, maybe my eyes were straining a bit, because I'd been, because that was before I started wearing glasses.

I used to wear glasses for reading, but not for being on the laptop or for, you know, general, just for general seeing. But now I do need, you know, I actually need glasses, because if I take them off, I can't see as well. I should do an advert for Specsabers, one of the bigger spectacle companies, just go on and say, I go to Specsabers.

Yeah, I go to Specsabers, because when I wear the glasses, I can see better. I want to take them off, I can't see much at all. When I put them back on, I can see way better.

Go to Specsabers. They're really good for glasses, great for spectacles. So I just, yeah, it's one of my, it's really weird, one of my little happy memories was having a cold.

It was what was connected to it, I think. Got my worst, my worst ever. It was a flu, it wasn't a cold, and was, and I stopped smoking.

This was in 1999. It was December, and I got into a taxi, and I could just smell the illness. It was really weird.

The taxi got in there, and it was winter, it was December, so it was winter time. And it was the warmest taxi I'd ever been in in my life. And this bloke was sniffing and you know, and I just knew, I knew, I thought, no, in, on reflection, I should have said, flipping heck, I should have just got out and said, no, mate, which I would do now.

I wouldn't get into a cab with someone that was ill like that. But back then, I just wanted to go in. It was three o'clock in the morning or something, so it's like, okay.

But I could just, it was almost like the illness was just floating around in front of me, honestly. I didn't want to breathe in, and then I end up with, oh, awful, awful. But, you know, from the flip side was I stopped smoking.

So that was good. It's really easy to stop smoking when you're struggling to breathe, it really is. So that was good.

So I can imagine that's the, yeah, that's, so I've, I suppose everybody's been in a situation where they've been really, really ill. But that was, that was one of my situations where I was really, really, you know, but in them days, because I was still in my 20s, just about, I was 29. I didn't go to the hospital.

I didn't go to the doctors. I just rode it out. I didn't really, you know, didn't think about it.

I just didn't think about it. But actually, I may well have needed to go to the hospital because I was really ill, really ill. But that's a nice cheery star, isn't it? Anyway, I'll move on now.

I'm moving on. So you can see I don't plan these, can't you? Because like, how could I plan? Okay, right, writing down what I'm going to do today is, you know, we'll talk about all the times I was ill. And, you know, my happy memories connected to being ill.

Another one was when I had my appendix out. One of the best holidays I ever had, being in hospital, had my appendix out. Seriously, better than any family holiday.

Maybe because the family weren't there. So I had two, I had three brothers. It was annoying.

And I was at the weird age, I thought if I'd have been the oldest or the youngest, I think I'd have been all right. Because my little brother, he couldn't do anything wrong. He once, it's totally true, he bit me.

He was about 10. No, not 10. Probably about five or six.

He bit my cheek. I guess we were fighting and you know, but I was a teenager myself at the time. So I was probably 14.

And I was getting beaten up by a six year old. And he bit my cheek. A proper bit and he wouldn't let go.

My dad walks in thinking it's my little brother screaming. It was me that was screaming. My dad had a go at me.

Leave your brother alone. I said, hello. I didn't say hello, but we knew who each other was.

He knew me. Not like a good time for an introduction. By the way, I'm Jason.

You're my dad, yeah? But it's like, can you not see? He's still there. He's still, honestly, he's still holding on. The last 30 years, he's been like gripping onto my cheek.

I kind of got used to it. If nothing else, it's definitely a talking point when I meet new people. I had a mark in my cheek for, I want to say, for years.

I don't exaggerate. It was for us for a little while. I've never exaggerated.

I mean, that's one of the things that many people do. I have thousands of people probably every day walk up to me and say, the best thing about you is you don't exaggerate. You don't make stuff up.

It's really, and I do. People send me flowers. Thanks for not exaggerating.

It's great. I mean, sometimes I don't actually need to get the bus to town because people just carry me on their shoulders because of the hero I am to them. Anyway, what on earth am I talking about? Oh dear, oh dear.

So today, I've got a couple of messages. I've got a couple of messages. And one is from Jen.

And if you're listening, Jen, don't worry. It's nothing silly. It's a genuinely nice message.

I want to say thank you to Jen. And I've got quite a few Jens in my Facebook thing. And also some of the messages, it's worth remembering.

So I remember someone said to me that they were a bit concerned about me saying their name because I might look, people might look through their Facebook friends list to see who it is. I have a lot of people listen to me and leave messages that I'm not sure who it is. Aren't on Facebook.

Go on Twitter, you'll find them there. No. People that post messages on my website directly don't actually, there's only a very small percentage of people that listen to me are on Facebook, which seems a bit weird.

But it's true. There's a lot of people that, I don't know, some people don't even know I've got a Facebook page. I've got a Facebook page.

Why don't you join me? Anyway, I want to say thank you to, it's the people on Facebook that I've got to know that really. Kind of, you know, I suppose the people that I've chatted to some people on Skype over the years, on Facebook chat, you know, video. I've swapped a few messages and stuff.

Then I get bored. No, but you know, I'm always quite a busy person making recordings. But I do, you know, I try and sort of say hi and reply to messages as you, most of you know, I do miss, I miss the occasional one.

I think Twitter's a place, so I sometimes I see a message that I've not seen on Twitter, and it was posted three months ago. And part of the reason for that is I don't, I get very little, there's a few people on Twitter that like my posts every time. In fact, I might actually read out their names or the first names just to say hi to them.

If I can get them onto my phone, without having to log in. Have I got Twitter on my phone? Damn it. I suppose I could upload it.

Anyway, Jen, I want to say thank you to Jen. There's a picture here, Boston Chickie. There's a picture of a man after defeating Skeletor, he man moved to a trailer park in Kentucky.

Oh, this is funny. That's from Boston Chickie. And Gigi's put down a picture.

It looks like Father Christmas, Santa Claus to others. He's just standing there, red top, big beard, drinking out of a can, leaning against some kind of thing near the sea. And it says, Eff it, I'm not doing it this year.

Don't blame him. No, it's still, you know what? If anything, if nothing else, we all deserve Christmas presents this year. You know what? I know people that, I don't know one person that hasn't been affected by what's happened over the last four months.

And everyone, even people that don't look like they're doing their best or they're not, most people are. They might not be doing, they're doing their best, you know, to self isolate or to keep distance. Some people, the way I see it, right, okay, I won't get too into this, but I feel we need to give each other a little bit of a break.

The reason being, I'll take myself for an example. For 49 years and however many months, what, eight months, I've never had to stand a distance away from people. To suddenly to be told, oh, you got to, don't get close to anyone.

And to expect people just to automatically do it. Because most of the people, including me, all of us, we automatically do stuff. We do stuff automatically based on what we've done in the past.

Like maybe scratching our face to be told, oh, you can't touch your face anymore. It's not realistic because people aren't aware they're doing it, generally. So I feel we perhaps need to give each other a break, give ourselves a break and also others, possibly.

I'm trying to do that because at the start I was like really, oh, that person, oh, standing too close. Then it dawned on me that I'd be like that anyway, because I didn't need to be taught social distancing because I've always kept away from people. Just naturally, I stand as far away from people as I can.

Always done it. Whether I'm in a queue, I stand the furthest part away from them as possible so that they can put their pin number into the, when they pay for their stuff in the shop, so they can do that into a bit of privacy so that I'm not right close to them. But that's just the way I am.

Never really like being too close to people. So the social distancing hasn't been that difficult, but it's difficult because other people are not doing it sometimes. And I used to find myself get really wound up, but now I don't.

I've had sort of like, I have to give myself a bit of a talking to. Why people that have been alive for 60, 70 years or 20 years, whatever, it's a long, long time to then suddenly be told, right. And basically it's the same as telling someone who always walks with their left foot first, just to have to walk with their right foot, because they weren't aware they were doing it probably before that.

Or once you start picking up on something that someone does that they're not aware of, it makes a person very self-conscious and very awkward. And it can almost cause a kind of a Tourette-like symptom of wanting to do it, not wanting to do it, but feeling you need to do it because of the anxiety. Because, you know, it's, so yeah, I'm just, I'm kind of trying to come around to it, like, you know what, I give people a break.

I'm just, people are doing their best. And some people can't deal with it. Some people don't know how to deal with this stuff, like from a being told what to do perspective.

So I think we should all give ourselves a pat on the back because we're all doing good. I know some people, there are, it's always going to be the occasional people, but the majority, and that seems to be what, you know, the press will always focus on, but it's the majority of people are decent. I believe that, actually.

I didn't used to believe that. But the more time I spend away from people, the more I like them. Oh, that's funny.

Well, I didn't know that was going to come out of my mouth. No, but genuinely, people are lovely. Well, you know, we're just doing our best, aren't we? We're doing our best.

So I don't mean to lecture. I'm just, just, you know, just, just saying what's on my mind. Can't do fart jokes every recording.

Although I'd like to. But yeah, I just, I think, you know, there's something quite good about getting in touch with that kindness towards ourself. I say at the end of every recording, remember to be kind to yourself.

And I don't just say it as a, just as some random sentence. I've gone into great detail about what I meant by that in my Relaxation for Stress and Anxiety podcast. I haven't done so in these recordings.

But, you know, I want to say that there's a lot behind that sentence. There's a lot of history behind that sentence, personally, for me. And, yeah, being kind to ourselves, being kind, you haven't got to do anything, even, particularly.

Some people say, how can I be kind to myself? I've got no money, can't go out. Well, I've got no money, I can't do anything. But being kind isn't, doesn't, it's not about spending money.

Although it's fun to spend money. I mean, there's no denying, you know, going shopping and buying something you really want to buy, or going on holiday or, I imagine buying a yacht would be a lot of fun. I wouldn't personally want to be on a yacht, because I don't, I can't really swim.

But I wish I could remember why I was talking about buying a yacht. You can, having a bath, just, I suppose you can treat, you can treat yourself to listening to me. Well, I can't believe people listen to me through choice.

I just, I can't get my head around it. For years and years and years, people have been bored with me. And you know what I think it is? I think I can be myself, more myself, when I do recordings, when I make podcasts, than when I'm in front of a person.

Because I don't have to pretend to, yeah, I don't, there's no pretense. So when I say be, you know, be kind to yourself, I mean it. There's no pretend, but there's times when I don't care about other people at all.

And I wouldn't say, remember to be kind to yourself, if I was not in that mood. If, you know, if I, it's why I don't make a recording when I'm in a bit of a feeling sorry for myself mood, you know, I don't make recordings then. I try and do these when I'm in a fairly good space.

And when I do a deep sleep whisper one, doesn't really matter what my mood is, because it's hypnosis. And as soon as I start making the deep sleep whisper, or a relaxation session, I actually start to get sleepy or relaxed myself. So it helps me and I naturally feel calmer as I do it.

And that's, I mean, there's certain moods that I can't do anything in, where I'm just not functionable. But generally, the only thing that gets in the way of me doing sleep sessions to deep sleep, or sleep hypnosis weekly, is background sound. Outside of that, and Andre, but I've kind of got Andre sorted now.

What I do with Andre is I've got some duct tape, and I just wrap it around his body. So he can't scratch at the door. No, I don't.

Oh, man, he's a little monkey. He's been quite good today. It's one of those days where it's been really damp and quite dark.

You know, not dark, you know, those days where, well, if you live in England, you know exactly what I mean. It's like most of the years, we get nice days, obviously, but it's just one of those kind of overcast, gray, rainy days, which I like on some level, because it's quiet. It was Sunday yesterday, and it's a very quiet day.

Wasn't anyone in the gardens, which probably wasn't good for them. You know, people need to be able to get out and stuff. For me, I quite enjoy the peacefulness, although I didn't make any recordings because I couldn't be bothered.

I just wasn't in the mood. But Andre, it's almost like he was in hibernation. Didn't see him all day.

I think I see him get up to go to the toilet a couple of times. He might come over and give me a kiss. He usually does that after he's been cleaning himself, just to take the taste away.

And he, yeah, I think it was seven o'clock before he appeared. And I've been up since about 11 or two, something like that. So yeah, I didn't see him really hard at all.

So anyway, I'll tell you about him in a minute. But let me have a look at my messages. So Jen, I'll come back to Jen now.

I've not mentioned Jen at all. I'm just saying, it's the first person I was going to mention. I just want to say thank you to Jen, because Jen has ordered something off my Amazon wishlist.

So thank you very much. Thank you. I have already thanked her via email or something.

Yeah, so that was done. But I just want to say thank you publicly. Very, very kind of you.

And so I basically got my wishlist there because I still can't get deliveries. It's ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

It's just a little dream, a little dream of food being delivered, some cakes, ice cream. I just, my diet has been quite bland. And I've been getting frozen meals from an old age pension company.

Basically, they deliver frozen meals to really elderly people. That's what they do. But it's good food.

It's nice. It's easy. You don't got to poke holes in the plastic.

Everything's simple. Stick it in the microwave. The plastic covering comes off really easily.

It's built for comfort, just like my bum. But I do feel that before I start eating, I should be taking my teeth out. It just feels... But it's okay.

I remember my dad's wife saying to me, yeah, it's good. Her dad used to use it. Her dad was in his 80s.

Okay, brilliant. I don't feel old now. But it's good food.

I'm probably eating more vegetables now than I was before. That's a boring sentence, isn't it? That was a boring sentence. Honestly, I'm probably eating more vegetables now than before.

What else could it be? I'm probably eating more vegetables now than tomorrow. Or it could be a specific time in the past. I'm now eating more vegetables than Wednesday, the 1st of August, 1983.

I mean, I wonder if the 3rd of August, 1983 was a Wednesday. 3rd of August. Did I say the 3rd of August? 3rd August, 1983.

Oh my goodness. It was a Wednesday. Wednesday.

How weird is that? Wow. Well, let's just see if anything happened that was big that would... Nothing. Well, obviously, probably millions of different things happened.

But wow, that was weird. I used to be into, not astrology so much, but I used to get the, what was it called? Something almanac. I forget what it was called.

But I used to buy that when I was a teenager. And there's, because my birthday was on a Wednesday, the 26th of August. And it was a Wednesday when I was born.

But every, I think it was every 12 years, it resets, like the days or something like that. Well, maybe it's every 7 years or 12, 14 years or something. I forget.

I could look it up, but I can't be bothered because I probably got even less interest in the answer than you have. I was really, oh, really? So you want to know how many Wednesdays, how many times your birthday's landed on a Wednesday in the last 49 years? Why? So anyway, thanks, Jen. I got a lovely message from Molly.

Hence what I said at the beginning of the recording. Hey, Jason, hope you're doing well. I hope you're okay for me reading this out, Molly.

I just realized, yeah, it was nothing bad or anything. So I hope that's right. I'm now asking if it's okay after reading out people's messages in the past.

I have a new rule. If anyone says, don't read this out, I won't read it out. And see, I learn.

I'm learning from my mistakes. I'm trying to. So, hey, Jason, hope you're doing well.

Recently, I've found a rash on my bum. And please don't read this out. Oh, damn.

Oh, I should have read it before I read it out. Joking. I'm joking.

Hey, Jason, I hope you're doing well. Recently, I found that because I listened to you so much, specifically when going to bed, or hopefully not when you're driving, whenever I want to fall asleep during a non-normal sleep time, I have a question mark that a non-normal sleep time or place, or saying, I should read the whole thing before I start commenting, say in the afternoon in the lounge room. It's very specific.

All I have to do is pretend I can hear your voice. All I need to do is lay down, close my eyes and remember, hello, and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland, and this is Let Me Boy To Sleep. And I could fall asleep.

And I replied, well, my job is done. And then I started to think, Molly, does it mean you don't need me anymore? Isn't that interesting? But you know what? That's the power of this, which I think some people think that I'm just on here as a joke, which is kind of true. But if I say something to you, or if someone else says something to you, it can mean something.

So if I keep saying to you that you can relax and be kind to yourself and let's say hypnosis session, the more you listen to me, the more you feel relaxed, the more sleepy you feel, whatever. The more you hear it, the more it goes in. And the calmer you feel, the more relaxed you feel when you're listening to me or whatever.

It could be anyone. I mean, you could be listening to Mickey Mouse, it doesn't matter really. And hello, welcome.

It's gonna be your Mickey Mouse impression just in case you're wondering. Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Lulan. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

Not a very good impression. What about Donald Duck? Maybe not so good. Tweety Pie.

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Lulan. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. I'm trying to do the voice.

I thought I saw a pretty cat. I can't do the high pitch thing anymore. Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. I don't know, whatever.

You know, I saw a documentary about Big Bird from Sesame Street. And you could say, well, that's a bit of a pointless thing to do. Why are you watching that? But I find it quite interesting because it's real.

It's real. I'm not saying I'm talking about Big Bird. I'm talking about the actor and the whole thing around it.

It's quite fascinating. Anyway, Jim Henson was on there. He sounds exactly like Kermit the Frog.

That's all I've got to say on that. I thought that was a bit weird. Isn't that strange? He sounds exactly like Kermit the Frog.

And then he hires Kermit the Frog to sort of pretty much be in charge of the Muppets. It's a very successful TV show. Maybe that's, isn't it weird that they both sound very similar? Hello, my name is Jim Henson.

Oh, Jim. This is terrible, isn't it? Oh, Jim. I love you, Jim.

Yeah, that's, that was Big Bird. Well, it was, wasn't it? It was Miss Piggy. Anyway, thank you, Molly.

That's, I was going to say, yeah, so you got my voice. But then, when you say it to yourself, that's when it really means something. So when you start saying nice things to yourself, it sinks in easily.

So when I say nice things to you, it can, you can take it or leave it. And maybe when you first hear, I'm not necessarily talking about these recordings, but you know, with the sort of hypnosis-y positivity stuff, there may be a little bit of a barrier, a little bit of, doesn't quite, you know, not sure about that. It's not how I feel about myself at the moment.

And eventually you come around and you hear enough. And because you've heard it, you just like almost ignore it. And then it starts sort of going in and you just don't notice it so much, but it has an effect.

And then eventually you start saying it to yourself. And when you say it to yourself, powerful, very powerful. Anyway, Molly, I really appreciate that.

I'm sorry I told everyone about your rash. Molly does not have a rash. And if you do have a rash on your bum, I'm sorry.

I didn't know about it. I'm not in the garden, in the tree, spying through some binoculars. I'm not.

I've got a camera set up there and I can watch it virtually. No, I'm not. I'm not.

Either of those things, I'm not. Right. Which reminds me, I need to say hello to some children.

I'm not even joking. I have. Sorry.

Notifications. Okay, right. I'll go back.

So I've got an inbox message. This was from Facebook, from Brad. So I did the shout out for Brad's girlfriend, Lisa.

Hello, Lisa. Okay. And just to let her know how much she's appreciated for all that she does.

She said, the message, thank you, my friend. She had tears. Sometimes she works so hard and doesn't get the recognition she deserves.

And I'm sure you sent me another message. Oh, anyway. Maybe I've already run out.

It was yesterday. So cool, Brad. Again, big, big hello to both of you.

Oh yeah, here we are. Kerry says to me, just listened to last night. Love your comments, RE kids.

Jackson and his sister Poppy are at home whilst we both work full time at home. So hard. Yeah, I imagine so.

You need space, don't you? Well, I know I do. Sometimes I just need to go in the other room and hide from Andre. He says, please say hi to Pops and Jacks.

Hope Andre and yourself are well. PS cannot wait for September. Yeah, let's hope they do well.

I mean, it needs to be some normality, doesn't it? If nothing else, and the school's going back in September. I mean, I know I talk about how I learned absolutely nothing at school, but I probably did. You know, it's just, I'm sure some of it kind of soaked in.

But I was, I guess I was just so damn bright anyway. I realised what it was. I was just a genius, you see.

So the school teachers couldn't keep up with me. That's what it was. Yeah, that's not what they put on the report card.

So I'm going to say big hi from me and Andre to Jackson and Poppy. Hi, Pops and Jacks. Hope you're both well.

Andre sends big kisses and lots of love. And he said he'd love to bite your toes, which is a bit weird because he's not allowed to bite toes. I've told him not to do that.

But that's what he likes to do. He loves biting people's toes. So he sends his love.

He's half asleep. I'm having a bit of a smell. So I think he's done a bit of a silent, silent fart.

But you can cut that out so they can't hear that obviously. But yeah. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello.

Pops and Jacks. So everybody's listening. Send your love towards Kerry and her family.

And Kerry, her husband and Pops and Jacks. Everyone send their loves to them. Their loves.

And also everyone send their love to Brad and Lisa and also to Jen. Yeah. And Molly.

That's it. Telling people who they should send their love to. Come on.

I wonder if anyone's ever done that. I wonder if anyone's actually, you know, sort of seen someone. So I'll see you later.

Oh, by the way, Bob sends his love. I suppose it could happen. I would probably.

I think I probably would. So let me tell you what I've been listening to. I've been listening to my Audible books.

Here's the ones I got yesterday. Wow. I'm really, I've got 31 titles now.

I've got a nice little collection. I've been a member since 2018, I think. So I've been listening to a lot, a lot of books.

For me, it's, I don't know, I can, I can do stuff on the internet, you know, sort of website stuff. So a lot of it's quite tedious, repetitive stuff. Cut and paste, changing images, stuff like that.

So I can listen to recordings. And for some reason, and I don't know why, for some reason, I seem to be more interested in listening to these than watching Netflix and stuff. So yeah, I'm not really sure why that is, why that be, but it be, it do be, do be.

So the recordings I've got, and this weekend has been cognitive, was it cognitive behavioral therapy? Okay. Yeah. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy by Daniel Anderson.

And Get Out of Your Own Way by Larry Winget. I've finished that book. I've got two hours and 52 minutes left of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

I think that was about 12 hours long. The 10 Times Rule by Grant Cordon. I've not started that one yet.

Be Obsessed or Be Average by Grant Cordon. It's very different to how I, how I am as a person. See, I'm not, you know, I like listening to stuff like that, but I'm not like that myself.

That makes sense. I just, I love the positivity of it. And I am obsessed.

I'm obsessed with this stuff, what I do. So I'll be honest, you know, this is my life. This is, yeah, this is everything.

But the two, yeah, the two important things in my life is this and Andre. That's the two. There's not, there's not, there's nothing else, but I'm not obsessed with Andre, but I'm always kind of thinking about him, you know, wondering, is he okay? Even though he's just over there, if I hear him make a funny noise and it might not be that exact noise, that sound, but, you know, I'm thinking, I want to hear him go.

I do rattle him a bit just to sort of say, you can shut up, please. I'm trying to watch telly. No, I don't rattle him.

Rattle him? No, I don't. But he, he's, I don't know, I'm always listening out for him to make sure he's okay. So he's, he is, and just this, it's only two things.

I suppose the less there is to focus on, the more focus, I suppose I can give to those things. If my focus was spread out to lots of different other stuff, then, you know, if I was at work every day, you know, like most people are, I was going to work. And the only reason I'm not at work is due to illness.

You know, I'm not, it's not because I'm lazy. And I would be, I wouldn't make many recordings because I'd probably be focusing on so much energy on work that when I got home, I'd just be blah. Which a lot of people are like that, aren't they? You just start, oh, watch telly.

I start to watch telly and then I'm going to go to bed, you know, and then do it all over again. And I've done that. Been there for many, many, many, many years.

So I haven't spent my entire life unemployed, but I have spent the last five years. But I keep trying to weigh it up. It's like, okay, am I lazy? You know, I just said I'm not lazy.

And I think, well, am I being lazy? Then I think, well, the last five years, I've done more recordings than I did. Well, the last two years, pretty much I've done more recordings than I did the previous 13 years or 12 years. Yeah, I think that's actually true.

Four, five, six, seven, eight, maybe not more, but the last three years. So the last three years I've done more recordings than I had the previous 12, I think. But you know, as far as consistency goes.

And so I don't know, in my brain, in my brain, I kind of think, oh, yes, this is a good thing. Because I might not be helping or contributing to society locally, but I'm hopefully contributing to society globally. I don't mean like, you know, because I've got a huge audience.

I don't have a huge audience. I've got probably 5,000, maybe more listeners. Who knows? I mean, there might be 10,000 that listen occasionally.

And a hardcore, maybe 4,000 that listen regularly. I don't know. But if I've got millions, if I had millions, brilliant.

But once it's spread out. So I kind of think, well, that is still a social, being useful socially, isn't it? Even if it isn't in my own, well, it is in my own country. So I do have, I have more people over the last few years from England, or Britain, you know, different places, UK, that have got in contact to say that they listen to me.

Because in the old days, mainly America, then a few, you know, had a few in Australia that grew, got quite a few people in Australia listen to me. And New Zealand, Canada as well. And so I guess mainly like the English speaking countries, I know that Canada isn't all English speaking, because you've got the parts that are French speaking.

But it, you know, the generally, but I'm also, people listen to me in places like Brazil, and Mexico, and Thailand, and Portugal, and Spain, and Italy, France. And, you know, so unless, of course, I've actually been speaking French this whole time, and I've got a French heritage. It's a little bit weird, because I've not had any contact with my mother, I don't know what to call her.

The place, you know, the letterbox that I was delivered from, I haven't had a lot of, I don't really know much about that side of the family. But there was, I think my grandmother was French, or Swedish, or something like that. I like Sweden.

I don't know why I've got a thing about Swedes, Swedish. I think it sounds nice. I haven't got a thing about Swedish people.

I don't mean, I might have met a couple. I haven't got a thing about anything, really. But I like the sound Sweden, Sweden.

Maybe it's because it sounds a bit like sweets. Sweden, Sweden. It's got a nice swing to it.

Sweden. And then there's Abba. And I used to be in love with Abba.

And some might say, what do you mean being in love with Abba? There was three, there was four people. No, no. When I was eight years old, nine years old, there was only one person in Abba.

Didn't even see the other three people. Only one. The keyboard player with the beard.

It's all I saw. No, I only saw, I can't, I don't know what her name is. Tiffany.

But I really, really loved her. And it's okay, I think. You don't have to fancy people when you're eight or nine.

I used to fall in love. Who else was there? I'm not saying that Abba or all that, that's all it was. But they were the most, they were the biggest group in the world at the time.

And I used to like Blondie. I used to fancy Blondie. Again, I was sort of under 10 at the time.

Who else? I used to fancy Sharon Davis. She was a swimmer. And the good thing about it, she was an Olympic star swimmer.

She was an Olympic star, which meant, because I used to get Look in magazine. So I could put a picture of her up in a swimming costume. And it wasn't rude.

Because that's what she did for a living. That's what she was famous for, being a swimmer. And it was great.

Again, I was seven or eight at the time, eight or nine, teen. And what other people did I like when I was a kid, when I was little? These little crushes. And it was just childhood crushes.

I don't know who else. And Wonder Woman. It's the only childhood crush that kind of never left really.

Wonder Woman. And who else? What other? I can't think of anybody else that I really used to sort of like. I love her.

I don't know. Maggie Fletcher. This lady is not for turning.

I think you're okay, mate. I don't think anyone wants, I don't think there's anyone out there who wanted to turn you. I think you're all right.

And who else? Peter Pan. I don't know why I'm thinking Peter Pan. Hayley Mills.

Ah, I loved Hayley Mills. It wasn't just, again, I'm just reminding you, I was a little kid at the time. And she was older.

Well, she was probably in her 50s when I was about eight. But she, I liked her voice. And she was in, it's at the Parent Trap, where she played twins.

And double the trouble. She played twins. And there was, they did a re, they re-did another version of that, I think in the 80s or 90s or sometime.

And then there was another girl I really liked. And she was in a film about an orphanage. And I suppose I didn't realize at the time, but I related to it because I hadn't been in an orphanage.

Lived as a little kid. So I kind of, I suppose I did relate to it, but not realized that I related to it. Mind you, the way my brain is, I probably did relate to it and realized I related to it.

Because I was, I was pretty glued up when I was a kid on some level. I was, I was a thinker. Never got called a thinker.

Something similar, but never a thinker. But I was, yeah, I was a thinker. I used to like to think.

I like to think, I do. That's nothing. I like to breathe.

No, I did. I used to, I used to like contemplating stuff and just pondering and wondering, trying to think who else there was. Anyway, this, this young girl, and I don't know, she was probably my age at the time in the film.

It was a Sunday afternoon, I think I was watching the film. And she just, I just, I don't think it was so much that I fancied her. It's more just, I guess I wanted to be her friend.

Because that's something that I miss. I missed, rather I missed, is I lived with girls and boys when I was in a children's home. So I had, I had, I guess it was kind of like having a big family.

You know, the boys all had a different dormitory to the girls. But during the daytime, we'd play with each other and hang out and eat with each other. And I get, I think, and all that stuff.

And yeah, I just, I just, it was quite cool. Well, it wasn't cool at all. But I just, I like being around girls.

And then the thing is, I suppose realistically, and I didn't really think about it until just right this second. Possibly the reason why I struggled a bit at school is because I just moved around so much. I hadn't got that consistency.

And then suddenly in a school with a bunch of new people, so I moved from South End, because there was a school there. And then I moved to the town where my dad lived, went to a junior school or infant school there, then moved to another one, then moved to another one. So I went to three different infant schools in a matter of two years.

So I didn't, you know, I lost track with friends and everything. And I think by the time I got to the third school, I couldn't be bothered. You know, it's like people saying, what's your name? I don't worry about it.

I'll be, I'll probably be moving to a different school soon. But I didn't. And what I did, I ended up going to the high school.

But yeah, I think it affected my social skills, or it intervened with me developing social skills that would be, I guess, normal, natural, normal for kids. Unless I just wasn't, maybe I wouldn't have been able to anyway, I don't know. But yeah, I just seem to, yeah, it's weird.

I don't know. I'm trying to think of whatever. That's it, Andre, can you, can you hear him? Can you do a pig? I want to see.

He just did a big poo and a big wee on the paper. And I picked him up after he'd, you know, he just held his legs apart. So I had to put him down so he could wipe his bum on the on the carpet.

It's grim. I can't believe the amounts of, amounts of times that I, I want to stop licking that carpet, I'll tell you. So what other books have I got on Audible? I've got The 10 Times Rule, Get Out of Your Own Way by Larry Wingate.

I've also got, I've read that. I've got Psycho-Cybernetics. I've already read that, but I started it again.

So I've read quite a few of the books I've read and I sort of reread them. But I'm listening to, oh I've got hiccups now, brilliant. I'm reading this Be Obsessed or Be Average by Grant Cardone.

He's a bit of a character in America and he's, I think he's even got in trouble and stuff. But as I say, he's very different from me. He's like the quick talker and I don't think anyone's ever going to call me a quick talker.

I think that's the one thing that I'm never going to be getting. Although there was a time if I'm in a kind of a really high energy mood, I can be talkative. But even then, I'm probably talk, well, yeah, I suppose I might talk fast.

I'm not sure. Not 100% sure, maybe. Yeah.

See, that's it really. I'm sure. Did I have any other messages? Oh, I wanted to say thank you to Lailaith.

Lailaith, where are you? Lailaith. Okay, I'm just trying to see which message I can read out. Okay.

Oh no, I read that one. It was about Jason. He's a fine bloke.

He has a great voice and personality. So thank you for that. That was a lovely message.

I'm sure there was another message. I might be wrong. It might have been a comment on a video.

That's weird. I posted a thing with my wishlist on Facebook. Here's my Amazon wishlist.

If you would like to give me some toilet paper. And apparently a couple of people thought it was funny. I don't see anything funny in toilet paper.

It's a necessity. John Kelly laughed. That's cool.

You know, I'm friends with John. Someone called Faith Sprengler. Sprengler.

And she sent a laugh message and it says, so I looked on her page. It says add friends. So she's not, she's not on my friends list.

And it says Faith Sprengler updated his profile. So the profile has not even been set properly. Because there's a picture of a woman.

His, find my personal photos. And it's basically, you know, trying to get, well, I've got to be careful because she might actually be a real person. But a lot of those profiles are not real.

They might be real humans, but in a sense of wanting people to pay money for photographs. I suppose my only thing is if you're not out of the internet, why would someone pay for a photograph when there are billions of photographs on the internet? I mean, why would someone pay money for that really? Anyway, Lylife asked, how do I send it to you since I'm states bound? I don't know. I mean, the link, does it not work from America? Because it's when you order it or order something, it's only, it's just basic stuff.

Like I need a new, a new stimulus for my Rolls Royce. Just little things like that. And so if I look at my Amazon wishlist, your wishlist, there we go.

There's only one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 14 different things. And it's basically just like one's breakfast cereal, one's toilet paper, bathroom spray, bleach, soap, water, gloves, protection gloves, face wipes, bin bags, sugar, washing, you know, none of it is, it's not exciting stuff. It's practical, useful things that I'm going to need and that I'm sort of struggling to get hold of outside of Amazon.

But I thought, I actually did think that if you just clicked on the link, it would come Messenger. So if I just, I'm going to send the link to Lilas on Messenger. So hopefully he's got it.

But maybe it doesn't work stateside. It's really, it's really, I don't know. Because I don't live there.

So I can't see, because I know that amazon.com is in America, amazon.nz for New Zealand, amazon.au I think for Australia. So I know that there's different Amazons for different countries. Didn't used to be, it used to be just amazon.com. So I think, I don't know, I don't see why it should be any different.

But it might, it might not allow it. The only way is by clicking the link and testing it out. You know what I mean? You get me? You understand what I'm saying? So yeah, I spent a lot of the day yesterday really like a bit but now I'm feeling more, hmm, yeah.

Sometimes it's the small changes that make a difference. It's fine tuning. It's trying to keep on the track, keep on the, yeah, keep on track to where I'm heading.

Sometimes I get a little bit off track. I do something different to the website or I'm sort of thinking about something different, it doesn't feel right. And then maybe I change it back and then I'm back on track again.

And this feels nice. And I can just continue down that, that journey. I think that's what's happened today.

Made a few changes and sort of how I want it to be. There's still lots of work to do on the website though. I keep, I know I keep saying that but seriously, when you've got as many products as I've got, as many recordings, change the image for one, you've got to change it for all of them.

And because all the images are different, you know, with numbers and the time of how long the recordings last and all that stuff. Blimey, man. Seriously, blimey mac blimey.

So yeah, I'm gonna, I think that's it for me for one day, for today, for Monday. And before I started doing this, I was thinking this week, I'm going to try and do a deep sleep whisper every day, Monday to Friday. And also do a relaxation for stress, like a relaxation hypnosis session every day as well.

So that'll be three recordings a day. And then maybe some other stuff as well. I'm thinking, I am thinking about changing the title of the sleep hypnosis weekly to sleep hypnosis every now and then.

Or maybe daily, I'm thinking about it. Or every three days, sleep hypnosis every three days. But sleep hypnosis weekly.

And the reason for that is because I've got a nice audience to listen to that podcast. And I sometimes feel that I'm not giving them the proper attention. Because there's occasions when I don't make a new recording for like three weeks.

And every time I make a new recording, they get listened to. So I'm not saying people are sitting at home waiting for the next recording to come out, obviously. But in the meantime, between the recording I did and the next one, I get quite a few listens to that one recording.

So I'm thinking maybe, maybe, maybe, yeah, maybe I'll look at doing more regular. But perhaps, perhaps, I should wait until I've got the deep sleep ones, deep sleep hypnosis Yeah, deep sleep, whisper hypnosis. Once I've done those daily for a while, because I go through periods when I do them every day, and then I don't do anything for a week, or a few days.

And again, that's one of my more popular podcasts, more popular than this one. So yeah, I do this one every day. I focus, it's not that this one isn't, I mean, we do have listeners to this podcast, obviously, otherwise, I wouldn't, I wouldn't bother doing it.

I wouldn't. I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't.

But perhaps, I don't know what the, I don't know what the, you know what I mean? So last week I had 32,474 downloads. It's not bad, is it? Seven days, 32,474. So let me boil to sleep.

Let me have a look. I've got 425, 421 recordings on that pod, on this podcast. So this is number 422.

Is it? No, it's not. I'll tell you what it is. I missed one out.

So I've actually got 422, but along the line, one of the recordings was missing. Never mind. And I've got 152,764 downloads.

So last week, 2,894 downloads. That's all right, isn't it? I think. I don't know.

Is it? Is it? No. Oh, no, no, no, no. I mean, it depends.

Like yesterday, I had 414 downloads. This has definitely grown. It used to be, you know, this is just on this podcast.

A good day would be 300 before. Now it's 400 plus generally. Sometimes it's more.

Yeah. And then my other podcasts, this is boring anyway. Hopefully people are asleep so I can just talk about this stuff.

Deep Sleep Whisperer, 209,985. Last week, 3,500 downloads. So yesterday, I actually had less Deep Sleep Whisperer downloads than the Bore Me to Sleep ones.

I only had 261. But two days ago, I had, I normally get 500 plus. Sometimes over 600 a day.

But the weekend, it's not so great. Just a bit quieter at the weekend. Bit quieter.

Yeah. Now, Relaxation, Hypnosis, Stress and Anxiety is, it's now my most popular podcast. It hasn't got the most amount of downloads total.

But compared to the others, it's just shooting along. Ridiculous. It's good, but it's really shooting along.

Last week, I had 7,044 downloads. Total downloads 213,887. And I mean, yesterday was a really quiet day.

I still had 794 downloads. Friday, 1,364. Usually it's over 1,000.

1,200, 1,400 a day on that podcast. Today, already 132 downloads. So that's going to overtake all the others.

My most popular one is Sleep Insomnia, Hypnosis, 238,000. No, Hypnosis for Sleeping Deeply, 259,000. And last week, I was 7,266 downloads.

So you see what I mean? The other ones really starting to creep up. But yesterday, 900 downloads, 733 a day before that, 1,301 on Friday. So that's going strong, which is really cool to like.

And the other one, Sleep Insomnia, Hypnosis, 238,600. Last week, 6,483. The last seven days, yesterday, 731 downloads.

Friday, 858. So I get less on that one, but it's still good. I'm probably the only podcaster that would actually tell you the stats, which is probably nice for everyone else that doesn't have to listen.

For me, it's exciting and it's growing. This time last year, I was struggling to hit 2,000 a day. And in the Sleep Hypnosis Weekly, I got 71,670 altogether.

Bearing in mind, I only make one recording a week. Last week, I got 1,625. So imagine if I did seven a week, that could be one of my most popular podcasts.

It could become the most popular. Hypnotic Buffet, got a total of 19 downloads. I don't even know why I've got that.

I might as well just get rid of that podcast. Anyway, it's there, so I'll just leave it. Relaxation Hypnosis Podcast, 623 downloads last week.

From the looks of it, I didn't get anything yesterday. Is that true? Sunday the 7th, 143 downloads. Okay, fair enough.

Still not a lot, but it's something, I suppose. I'm trying to think what other ones there is. Jason Lynn's Free Hypnosis Service.

Did I say Newland? I mean, Newland. Last week, 973. Yesterday, 121.

So yeah, it's all growing nice and slowly. The things I'd like to put some more effort into is the Chronic Pain Hypnosis Podcast. So I might look into how I can do that.

Don't know how to. I know how to, but I don't know how I'm going to grow it. I suppose just making new recordings is the only way, isn't it? I didn't know.

I don't know. I've also got another podcast, which I put all of my, it's called Sleep and Relax Hypnosis with Music. And any recording I do that has background music, I just stick onto that.

And last week I've got 1162 downloads. Yesterday, 93. Oh, more on Friday though.

126. I do wonder how many people listen more than once to my recordings. I wonder.

So the overall statistics for my podcasts on Spreaker, 1,331,584. So yeah, it'll be nice when it reaches the 2 million. At least I know now that I'm averaging... Actually, what did I get last month? Last month.

Yeah. In fact, no, there's only way of... Last month, 147,806. That's for May.

April, 147. No. April, 149,892.

May, 147,806 downloads. And June so far, 32,448. What day are we in June? It's the 8th.

So that's the first seven days. So the first seven days, 32,848. So I'm on target to reach probably 150 plus thousand.

So what's that in a year? 150 times by 12, 1,800,000. That's in a year. That's not bad, is it? It's not bad.

That's definitely worth writing a poem about. A weird sound, isn't it? Right, that's it. So I want to say thank you very much for listening.

I better not move around too much because it makes a lot of noise on the microphone. So I shall speak to you again tomorrow. Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy.

Lots of love. Bye.