#407 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (23rd May 2020)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes. Yeah.

Yeah, man. Groovy. I'm just looking.

Natalie. Natalie Merkley was live. I've got the volume down.

Oh, there's a bonfire. That's a nice garden. I've got my glasses off.

I can see the screen better with my glasses off. Sort of like watching video. See, there's a table there that's very similar to one that I used to, I think my dad used to have years ago.

Sorry, I'm distracted by Facebook. Anyway, hello. Oh, dear.

What do I normally say at the beginning? Oh, yeah. So this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. I try and do one every day now.

I don't know how many I've done so far. I think I've 400 and something. And actually, how do I work out? Let me have a look.

If I go to my website, Jasson. So I've got, yeah, yesterday, 406. So this is number 407.

It's been a busy day for me today. Or yesterday, rather. So it's now the 23rd of May.

But yesterday, the 22nd, oh, really? Mind weight relaxation. Blimey, I'm losing track. But it looks like I did 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. 7 recordings yesterday.

No, it doesn't make sense. Ringo, mind weight. No, 1, 2. Yeah.

Blimey. Is it really the 23rd today? I got a little bit carried away. Wow.

So I've been a busy day. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7. So from the looks of it, yesterday, I released 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Actually, if I just go to the latest on my website. Brilliant website, by the way.

So 22nd of May. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. I released 7 recordings. Wow.

I wonder why I did that. Ringo, attention. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7. Oh, okay.

I did a deep shear. It's weird because I must have done it very early in the morning yesterday. And then I did one in the evening.

So I did number 137 relaxation for stress. It was mind weight relaxation. And then I did another version with music.

So that was the first one was 27 minutes. The second one was 51 minutes. Then I did Let Me Boy To Sleep, 406.

And I did 138 relaxation for stress. Ringo, attention, release. Oh, yeah, that was a technique.

I'm forgetting stuff I've done. Then I did number 229 Deep Sleep Whisper. And then just before I should have released these tonight, today, but about 11 o'clock, I released number 139 relaxation, hypnosis for stress and anxiety.

And Groovy Relax or Sleep Session. So that's a good recording. Good.

And this one is 31 minutes without music and 51 minutes with music. So I was a busy, busy beaver yesterday. The day before, what did I do the day before? 21st, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, did five the day before.

So it's not bad, is it? Can't complain. And it's, yeah, it's basically, I'll tell you what it is. I'll tell you what it is.

Basically, what it is, what it is, let me tell you, is that I, because the stats have been going up. Dear Jason, I can't believe you're talking about the stats so early on in your recording. No, I'll only mention it quickly.

Because the last two days in a row, I had over 6,000. I kind of get in a little bit like I want it to be at least 6,000 downloads a day, anything less. So now if I get over 5,000, I'm not even pleased.

I want it to be over 6,000. So at the moment, for yesterday, it's 5,685 downloads. But that will go up to over 6,000 in the next few hours.

And I got some messages as well, but I'll read them out in a minute. So yeah, hi. Hi.

Strange thing about making recordings, like really kind of putting the effort in to do a deep sleep whisper every day and to do let me bore you to sleep every day, I'm kind of in that groove anyway. And then to do, I like to do at least one technique relaxation technique, and maybe a relaxation session as well. It's great.

It's not just the time it takes to make the recording. It's also the all the other stuff, the processing of the recording, and the editing, uploading, sharing and all that stuff. And you know, if you know me, I don't like sharing.

Oh no, that chocolate's all mine. So I'm almost ready to go to bed and it's only half one in the morning, or 20 to two. It's too early to go to bed.

I've been watching Gangs of London on Sky television. And I don't know if you get it in other countries, but it is. It's on a different planet, really.

It's on a different planet. It's real. It's not it is it's in London.

It's on planet Earth. But there's nothing there's nine episodes. Each episode is about an hour long.

Each episode is like a movie. Everything's condensed, so fast moving. And it's I've never seen anything like it before.

It's I mean, I reckon HBO, whoever is in charge of HBO are probably looking at it thinking, wish we'd made it. Because usually fast one episode would normally take, I reckon they could stretch that out to about six episodes. For everything that happens in it, really, it's full on, proper full on.

Andre, what are you doing? Oh, he's licking himself. Fair enough. No wonder he's making that noise.

I discovered he does that. But I'm not watching he put it this way. There's a point where I say, look, you're clean enough, Andre.

Don't need any more cleaning. But he continues doing it. And he's doing it now.

All I can hear is what can I say? I mean, you know, he's got a bendy back. He's able to clean himself whenever he wants. Oh, I feel tired.

Oh, I didn't feel tired till I started doing this. There's something about making recordings that tires me out. I think part of that is because also I haven't got the glasses on.

So there's a bit of eye strain. So I think I should go and put my glasses on otherwise. Yeah, I'm going to do that.

I'm going to press the pause button for two seconds. That made no difference. No, it's all right.

I've got me. Yeah, I think it has a little bit. I used to get eye strain when I was at school.

I didn't know. Didn't know it was eye strain. So I used to get headaches.

And because I was a reader, I used to, I mean, we all read. But I was pretty prolific. I spent a lot of time reading.

And I suppose because I didn't know I needed glasses, I was straining my eyes. I mean, I remember once my dad caught me, like he'd catch me reading in the bedroom. But he came into the bedroom and I was reading.

And he said, I think he was trying to be helpful. Which is, you know, it's fair enough. He said, why don't you turn the light on? So, you know, it's, I gave it a go.

And it was easier, to be fair. So I have done today. It's quite weird because all I seem to do now is make recordings.

There almost isn't enough time to do anything else. So I get up, constantly checking the stats, just to, because I'm really into it though. I'm really into the growth, the, I think that's, is it, see, for me, it's part of me thinking, is that, is that being egotistical? So part of me thinks, oh, am I being egotistical? Another part of me thinks, so what? I'm a king.

So I don't know. It excites me. I'm getting out of bed with a purpose.

And I think it's quite cool because I spend a lot of my life not doing that. And so I get up, I check the stats, you know, just to see what it is. Sometimes I wake up, you know, maybe only halfway through my sleep.

I have to go to do a wee wee. And then I might just quickly check the stats and see that I've got 3000 downloads by, I don't know, maybe 11 or 12. And I can't work out in my head, or maybe 2700 by 10 in the morning.

And I can't work out, is that good? Is that bad? I don't know. Because my brain's not working yet, because I'm like half asleep. And I try and work out, well, will I reach the 6000? Because that's what I want.

That's what I really, really, really want. I'm telling you, that's what I want. I'll be quite, I'll be pleased when it hits the 7, in the 8, in the 10, 100.

Can you imagine how cool it would be? I'm sort of, you know, one day I'll be saying to myself, come on, everyone, I just want to reach 100,000 today. You know, I'm now at 98,300. You know, one of you can remind me that you remember when you were getting excited about getting 6000.

I remember when I was getting excited at hitting 2000 a day. Why is it that Andre wants to go into his cage? Whenever he's in there, he doesn't want to be in there. But now that he can't get into it, he wants to go in it.

I closed the door. Because I've closed the door at the bottom, the door at the top's open. So basically, I pick him up, put him in the cage.

And then I close all the doors, go and make a recording, come back and let him out. You know, I pick him up again and I put him down. But if I leave the cage door, the bottom one open, he'll go in there every now and then, have a look around and then come down.

But he's also got a tendency of, I don't know if he does it on purpose, but he seems to like to try and go into the toilet and aim it onto the bottom door as it's like laying down. I don't know why he does that. I think he just does it to wind me up.

Now he's on the chair. And now he's gone onto the little table. What is it he's after? I wonder if he's going to come in.

Hey, you're here now. Hello, mate. What do you say? You want to say hello to Paul? Who's Paul? He said, check my phone.

Apparently there's a message on it. He said he read it, but what was it? Was it on Facebook? Oh, no. Oh, there's a message left.

I have to take my glasses off for this. Andre, when have I told you to stop reading my emails? Oh, it's a message from Paul. It says, this is from my website.

It says, Jason, so glad that I found let me bore you to sleep. I end up listening almost every night. I know that if you hit a rough patch with whiny ass complainers, don't give in to the drones.

You provide the most valuable service. I struggle with the reality of a disease that will eventually get the best of me. But you and Andre helped me make the good fight.

Thank you, Paul. That's a lovely message. And I wish you well.

And of course, so does Andre, because he's the one that reminded me to tell everyone about your message. So Andre is doing a big yawn now. You're pretending to be bored.

Are you? You're pretending to be bored. You need your fingernails cut, don't you? Yeah. Sometimes he'll actually climb up on me and he will just lay there.

Almost, I think he wants me to cut his fingernails. Yet, if he's busy doing something and I go, or if he's asleep, and I go pick him up to do his fingernails, he wriggles. Always has to be on his terms.

He's just laying there in my arm, in my hand. And I'm playing with his palm to his hand a bit, just stroking the pads. He's got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11 pads.

So he's got one under each finger. And then he's got three little ones under three of the fingers. And he's got one big pad that's stuck together under the two main big fingers.

And then he's got a pad at the back, sort of on, I guess, kind of the heel, if it was a foot, but it's, you know, that makes sense. So he's got that. So I guess that's just, well, I don't really guess it, that's where he walks and supports and cushions his feet.

He's got that padding. He likes it though. I reckon it feels nice.

The fact that he's just laying there. And I'm just stroking the little pads, just pressing on them very gently. Sort of like a little massage.

And his little feet, his little hands are so warm. And dirty as well. I've got to try and forget the way they've been.

I have to wash my hands afterwards. But he seems to like it. And his little finger, he's got a tiny little pad, he's got like a fairly good sized pad, but still smaller at the top.

But right at the middle, it's tiny. It's like a, it is almost like a little baby nipple. It's really, really little.

What's that big yawn? How come you're being so calm? I think because he knows he's got a fan out there. Now that he's, you know, heard Paul saying how much Paul likes him. He likes that, he does.

He absolutely loves having people send messages about him. I said to him, I actually did ask him a while back, why does he like people sending messages and mentioning him? He said, I'll tell you the honest truth, daddy. I said, yeah, go on then.

He said, well, I just like the fact that you've been doing this, making recordings for nearly 15 years online. And the thing that people mentioned most is me. And he ran away giggling.

I was like, oh, okay. He's looking at the, oh, okay. Blimey.

Give me kisses. Give daddy kisses. I love you.

You little smelly, you little smelly bum. You little smelly bum. He's pushing me away.

You want to go down? You can stay. Oh, yeah. Okay.

All right. Go away. I hate you too.

He's a good little boy, but sometimes he's really not. Earlier on, I think it was, um, I think it was about six o'clock. He was scratching at the door, proper scratching at the door to get out.

And at the front door that is. And it was really getting a little bit annoying. No, it was eight o'clock.

Yeah, it was a little bit earlier than it was doing it again at eight. And I told him, I'll take you out in a minute. Because I just made a recording.

I think it might be in the deep sleep whisper one. And I was uploading it, sharing it, you know, I wanted to get all that done and then take him out. But he was so impatient.

Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch. I can't even, I can't say scratch as quickly as he actually scratches, because it's more like that. His hand movements are really fast.

It, yeah, it'd be quite a good, quite a good close up magician with that hand speed. So he's, then I took him out. And there was someone already out past us.

Because he's got this little lamp. Well, it's a, it's a wooden pole, I think for probably electric wires or something. And it eases out some kind of He's scratching at the door now.

And what is it two o'clock in the morning? Scratching at the front door. It's not on. It's really not on.

I'm not happy with that. Because what if neighbours start complaining? Start saying, oh, that man upstairs keeps scratching at the door. Why does he keep scratching at the front door? I don't get it sometimes though, because he sleeps so much.

And, you know, occasionally he has these dreams and I hear him going. You can hear him, he's just running around. He's looking for anything that he can walk on that's going to make as much noise as possible.

Looks like he's going to sleep now. He's like half asleep so much of the time and then suddenly, bang, he's awake. Completely, like smelling salts awake.

And it's all right if I can take him out. But I'm not going out two o'clock in the morning. There's no streetlights on.

It's, it's just not going to happen. I mean, I would if there was someone with me possibly, but even then there's no streetlights. Can't see nothing.

And then if you walk, even when the streetlights are on, sometimes I walk down the street, like on the pavement, and like every other house a light comes on. Because, you know, they've got security lights. Had a lot of burglaries and stuff around here in the past.

So a lot of security lights and probably cameras and stuff. So it's a little bit like the Michael Jackson Beat It video. But instead of like when he walks down, he walks on the pavement and it lights up.

Except the houses light up instead. And there's no music. And I'm not dressed like that.

It's nothing like the video at all really, is it? Yeah, I was trying to be clever, but it didn't, didn't work. And I could edit it out, but I can't be bothered. It's, the other day I thought I swore, and I wasn't sure if I did.

And I think it was, I don't know what it was. Oh yeah, I saw something on the floor of my bedroom. And I'm sure I said, what the eff is that? Now, I'm not sure if I said that before or after I pressed the pause button, which would be weird, because I think it was a whisper recording.

So it'd be like, yeah, and now your body is completely relaxed. What the heck is that? What's that around the floor? And you can feel really calm and loose, blah, blah, blah. So yeah, that'd be a bit strange.

I did actually upload the recording by accident. Well, I made the recording. And when I finished the recording, it gives me an option of uploading it as it is directly to the podcast and to the public, you know, available straight away.

And I always put it on private, upload it to the podcast I want it to be uploaded to. I put it on private so no one can hear it. And then I go to that page when it's uploaded, I download it, I edit it, and I re-upload it with the edited version.

And the other day, I accidentally uploaded it to the public. But I wasn't able to straight away get to download it. And some people had listened to it.

So they would have heard me going, I was just, you know, making some weird noises, probably talking to Andre, singing, you know, I like, you know, I really, I rarely start recording straight away. I normally do a few weird sounds first. And you may think, well, in that case, why don't you let all the farts out before you start recording? I told you it's Andre.

Stop trying to blame me for stuff that isn't my fault. So yeah, I'm quite good. So that message from Paul touched me.

So thanks, Paul. So welcome to the Let Me Bore You To Sleep family. There's quite a few people that are really regular listeners to this.

And welcome. And if there's any, you didn't specify your condition, and I'm not probing or anything. But if there's anything that I can do, sort of make a recording for other people to listen to as well, that may be useful for you, whether it be sort of a pain relief recording or something like that, then feel free to contact me and let me know.

And if also if you want to leave a review on my website, you can. And please, anyone, actually, if anyone's listening, is there anyone there? And if you haven't already done it, maybe subscribe to the podcast. Yeah, man, subscribe or not.

It's up to you. It doesn't really matter. But yeah, I've done enough.

Didn't I have a couple of other messages? Let's have a look. I do tend to read out messages I get. I'm sure I had another message.

Yum, yum, yum, yum. Cape Verde. That was from Kathleen Bogicich.

So that was spam, I'm guessing. And so I got a message. I won't read it out, actually.

This is regarding a post or something. Missouri, that's another message I've got. So I don't understand.

I get these messages on my website. Oh, okay, get rid of that. I get these messages on my website.

And, for example, there was that one. Local Area Network was the headline, and then Cape Verde. And a new message.

It was two messages, exactly the same message yesterday. So yeah, but I just don't know. What is a fly? I must really stink because that fly is really hassling me.

There's one, two, three, four, five rooms to go into and a loft. That fly can go. Why is it coming at me? Okay, four rooms and a storage room that's big enough.

It's still a room if you don't mind standing. So yeah, so the message I got, I will read part of it. I won't read the whole thing.

Dang you. Where is it? This is from Jen. Good morning, Jason.

Just listened to last podcast, 22nd of May. It's just regarding to help me to type out audio transcription. So thanks, Jen, that's really kind of you.

I do appreciate that. Unless, of course, you're trying to get money out. No, I'm joking.

I don't know. I just don't know anymore about the whole writing a book. Because I don't seem to have time.

I don't know. It's one of those weird things is maybe I should just stick at what I'm good at. Or maybe not good at, but at least what I can do is talk and make in relaxation sessions, sleep sessions, motivational stuff.

Maybe you might be thinking, did he just say motivational stuff? When has he ever made motivational stuff? Ah, that's where you don't realize it. Because I do. It's hidden.

It's on my, well, first of all, hypnotic buffet, the healing words, the hypno chats, a lot of positive and motivational stuff on there. I want to listen to them, although did I get rid of the podcasts? I might have done. They're all available to download on my website.

And on my relaxation for stress and anxiety, I do talks where I talk about a specific subject. And very motivational, very positive, very motivational. It's just they're kind of hidden, if that makes sense.

Because it's aimed really at relaxation. So some people would think, well, it's not motivational, but I go way beyond just the relaxation aspect. I talk in depth about things and just come up with ideas on the spot, really, and just delve into the positive aspects of that particular situation.

It's a vague, vague description. But if something happens in my mind, I don't know what, I think it may be activated, where I can sit down, that fly really is winding me up. And if that fly is pregnant, and it decides to lay eggs, and I have 30 flies flying around like I did last year, I'm not going to be pleased.

I'm really not. It's just there. It's just, it's now stuck to the side of my printer, just staring at me.

I wonder if they go to sleep when they actually, if you think, a fly's lifespan isn't like a great amount of time, is it? I've also got a little moth in here as well, just one little moth on its own. Now, I've got nothing in here that would attract a moth. There's no damp in this flat at all.

The only dampness is in the crotch. There's no dampness. Everything's so very, you know, I look after this place from a dampness perspective.

And I keep going on about damp. I've got an issue with damp. I lived in a damp place a couple of times, but one really bad place, mould and everything.

I said, I won't, I will not live like that. No, no, that won't happen here. Unless, of course, it does.

So, but I would do something about it, proper. Yeah, I have the windows open, regularly airing out the place. And, well, I do have, I do leave wet clothes to dry, which I know is not always a great thing to do, but I don't live in tiny little rooms anymore.

So these rooms are big enough to not sort of, I don't know, I've got radiators and I'm talking myself into the idea that it's all fine. So it will be. I'm positive and positive.

But yet if something happens, I just sit there and I talk, and I don't even know necessarily what I'm going to talk about. Or sometimes I do, but it will be a very kind of an idea, you know, about, okay. So for example, I can't remember what it was I was talking about.

I had an idea about, yeah, no mass. Which is something that is a box, a very famous boxing thing is basically Sugar Ray Leonard for Roberto Duran. The first fight they had Roberto Duran won on points.

He won the world to weight championship, the world title against all the odds. Sugar Ray Leonard was the pound for pound most famous boxer in the world. You know, he was the golden boy at that time.

One of the most famous athletes in the world. And then in the second fight they had a rematch and Sugar Ray Leonard, well basically Duran couldn't place his hands. He couldn't hit Leonard at all because Leonard really just outboxed him and got out of range so that he couldn't hit him.

Which makes sense because Roberto Duran, they called him the hands of stone for a reason. Anyway, and this was in, I don't know if it's the early 80s or late 70s. I'm not 100% sure.

And it might be in the early 80s. It might be in the late 70s. Anyway, Roberto Duran had enough because Leonard wouldn't fight and Duran loved to, you know, tear it up.

And Leonard's, you know, after getting punched the first time in the first round of a fight, he thought, no, I don't like that anymore. And Roberto Duran turned his back on Leonard and said, that's it. We didn't say that.

He said, no mas, no mas, which just means no more in Panamanian or Spanish. No mas. I didn't realize.

So yes, he's Spanish. No mas, no mas, no mas. And pandemonium broke out.

So yeah, it's a very famous, if you're into your boxing, I'm into my boxing, but it's a very famous kind of thing that happened. So I decided, I thought, yeah, I'm gonna, I would do recording based upon that. I didn't really know where I was going to go with it.

The whole idea of it was to say no more, you know, no more of this. To, you know, in a sense of anxiety, bullying a person in almost, you know, to not be able to enjoy their life and to be worried and scared and live in fear of anxiety arising and all that stuff. So to say no mas, no more, and mean it.

And just the idea that Roberto Duran spent his whole life you know, his career was aimed at winning that title. I think he won titles before that, but this was the big one. There's only this, the main title was in boxing really, generally, although it does, it does fluxify a bit.

That's not a real word, is it? Welterweight, middleweight and heavyweight. Although sometimes you get superstars in a featherweight division, or the lightweight division, or the super middleweight division. But generally, you know, they're the kind of the three main divisions where you get a lot of superstars like welterweight is still huge now.

It has been my whole life in, you know, welterweight division. And anyway, the idea of saying no mas and meaning it because he walked away from that world title. He lost his world title and the millions of dollars that came with, I mean, probably got disqualified.

I don't know. I don't know if he'd have got his purse doing that, to just walk away from the fight uninjured. If you're injured, you can do it, but I don't think you can just quit through frustration.

If he'd have had, yeah, so I don't know. I have to look into that. I imagine he would have got fined and possibly not got paid or lost a lot of his purse.

That bloody fly. It is annoying me. Why is it? Why? What is it attracted to me? What is it about me that the fly is attracted to? I mean, I look a little bit crap at the moment, but I'm not actually a crap.

I don't like it when there's flies around because when I've got a can of coke or like something open, a drink open, I don't want to leave it open, unattended, because a fly might come and, you know, do what flies do. I don't know why they do. They do something.

And yeah, see, that was too boring even for me. Sometimes, I know these are supposed to be boring, but sometimes I come out with stuff and I just think, oh, if I did that all the time, if all I did was talk about that fly, maybe that, yeah, I suppose, you know, if all I did was talk about stats, I mention it, but I don't always talk about it all the time. I mentioned Andre, but I don't talk about him all the time.

I mean, you know, this is all about me. I like to talk about me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. I thought about earlier on, I thought about doing an extra special, most boring podcasts in the world, like a different podcast, but on a new level of boredom.

But I think it might be too frustrating for people to listen to, because it will be boring. It will be bereft of humor, I guess, although it would probably be funny on a level, it would be probably hilarious on a level and if I do it in a serious way, it would be funny, but I don't know if I better do it without laughing. And I'm not sure how I'd feel at the end of it, if I spend an hour, but really, really, really monotone, really, I don't know.

I have made some recordings like that in the earlier days. And there were some people that really, really liked that stuff, as opposed to me showing any kind of personality. So they preferred me to do that than to be a human.

But it's a little bit harder to do that now when people, I say people, you, anyone that's listening and has been listening for a while, you kind of get to know me. So if I came on and started, it was almost like I was putting on a character. Now you can relax.

And although it'd be funny, it's not supposed to be, you know, you know what I mean? So this, I don't know what this is. Yeah, I'll be honest with you. I know what the deep sleep whisper sessions are.

I'm very 100% aware of what they are. And I think I'm pretty sure what the audience is for those. And they just do.

I think they just do what they say they're going to do. It's a deep sleep whisper. And it is.

It's me whispering for 20 minutes. And it's some good stuff. It's proper hypnotic stuff.

And sleep hypnosis weekly, again, it's a sleep hypnosis recording is what it says. And the relaxation for hypnosis and stress, they're kind of a mixture, but it's all aimed at helping people with stress and anxiety, which is a very important subject to me. And I would say that it's affected my life in ways that I would never have imagined.

So it's probably the only thing that I do that I can really, I can relate to on a real deep level in a sense of with the anxiety and stress and panic and all that stuff. I had a lot of that and it was awful. With sleeping, I'm a pretty good sleeper.

I've had issues, I have sleep apnea. So I do wake up and at times, and perhaps I'm a bit sleepier during the day than I would be if I didn't have sleep apnea. And I've had periods when I really couldn't sleep due to hypermania or whatever you call it, and various different things.

But generally, I can sleep during the day. I can sleep, I don't need it to be silent anymore. But when I was younger, I did.

And it never was silent. That's the ridiculous thing about it. And I ended up wearing earplugs.

And then that was, they're too expensive to wear new ones every day. So I'd end up sort of washing them and wearing them a few times because they were washable. But at the same time, it's still probably not very hygienic, especially because the ears are such an important area and not a good place to store stuff.

So once I woke up, it's not funny, I don't know why I'm laughing. This is 2011. I woke up, and I pulled the earplug out.

And there was blood on it. I thought it was earwax, but it was blood. And I basically had a perforated eardrum.

I caused myself to have a perforated eardrum. And I had vertigo or whatever. It was okay.

I had some antibiotics and took about two weeks to heal. Man, it was the weirdest thing ever. And it's quite weird because when I went to the doctor, the doctor said, well, in these situations, it's either nothing.

It's either just a perforated eardrum or it's something really serious. I was like, oh, brilliant. Thanks.

That's really, really, yeah, that's really calmed me down. So take this medication. To be fair, I don't even know if he gave me medication.

It might just be in a case of just let it heal. Stop putting stuff in your ears, which isn't something you should really have to say to an adult, is it? Stop putting stuff in your ears. Though that whole is not for that.

But they helped. And when I moved in here, just gives you an idea, because I was still wearing earplugs before I even moved in here. So I didn't learn from it.

I was just really careful that I didn't put them in too far. And then I moved in here and I was wearing earplugs. And I thought, you know what, this was five years ago.

I didn't think, you know what, this is five years ago. I'm saying this was five years ago that I said this to myself. This is a new start for me.

It wasn't by the way, but that's what I thought. And this is a new start for me. I know what I'll do.

I'll stop wearing earplugs. Again, which is a sentence I never thought I'd say. It's not very exciting, is it? So what happened to you, you know, when you was 44, 45? How old was I, 44? Any significant changes in your life? Yeah, I stopped putting earplugs in my ears.

Wow, that's transformational. You ever thought about writing a book about it? Yeah, actually. So I don't know about writing a book.

Anyway, I decided not to wear earplugs and I haven't. And providing there's no, like, need, like proper need, then I'm not going to. I've got some of those, you know, that people, builders or road workers use.

You know, those red headphones, they look like headphones, but they're noise, noise, noise, noise, I don't know, reduction things. I've got, I've got a pair of those, like industrial head protectors or ear protectors. So I can always put those on and it blocks everything out.

But I've also got headphones, which are noise reduction headphones, which are really good. So I can wear those. Even without playing music, I can hear, I can put the headphones on and it reduces a hell of a lot of sound from outside.

With music or listening to an audio, I can't hear any background sound, zero. So I've got a few alternatives and, you know, if needed in the future. The only thing with headphones, I can't sleep with headphones on because I sleep on my side, either my left side or my right side or the other side.

I don't sleep on my back because with sleep apnea, sleeping on my back isn't really an option. I do wake up on my back sometimes, because sometimes I sleep on my back. But that's not, I don't choose to do it.

I don't choose not to do it. I don't, you know, I'm asleep. I can't control everything when I'm asleep.

Someone said to me once, have you tried that, what's it called? You know, the dreaming thing where you, where you kind of, you're awake. Drippy, not drippy dreaming. Wet dream, not wet dreaming.

What do they call it? Insignificant dreaming. No, let me think. Oh yeah, lucid dream.

I actually had to press pause on there because I had to cough. And I realized just as I coughed, as I pressed pause and I did a cough, I could have gone on Google to search, but I didn't because lucid came into my head. But then I thought, why people thought that's what I've done, because I can pause the recording at any time.

And maybe people start thinking, oh, he's just searching stuff online and he's not remembering anything. But the fact is, I don't, you know, so yeah, lucid dreaming. Basically what lucid dreaming is, if you don't know what it is, is, excuse me, I'll tell you something.

I'm still a bit tired, but that's all right. It's okay. It's, you know, the idea that, oh, I think people have got to like start using their, try to start using their memories more.

Because if we depend upon Google or Wikipedia, then, you know, we'll lose some brain cells along the way. So from my memory, lucid dreaming is, a lucid dream is a dream during which the dreamer is aware that they are dreaming. During a lucid dream, the dreamer may gain some amount of control over the dream character's narrative and environment.

However, this is not actually necessary for a dream to be described as lucid. Lucid dreaming has been studied and reported for many years. Prominent figures from ancient to modern times have been fascinated by lucid dreams and have sought ways to better understand their causes and purpose.

Many different theories have emerged as a result of scientific research on the subject and have even been shown in pop culture. Further developments in psychological research have pointed to ways in which this form of dreaming may be utilised as a form of sleep therapy. Now, I'm not sure what it says online about it.

I mean, I could perhaps look it up on Wikipedia and see if it has any information. But that's just from my memory. And I thought to myself, a friend of mine says, he said, oh, if you thought about doing some lucid dreaming.

And I said, could you just please talk normally? He said, oh, if you thought about doing lucid dreaming. He said, I said, one of us said something. I said, no, I think it's enough that I'm trying to control things when I'm awake.

I don't want to control things when I'm asleep. And I thought he was going to say, that's deep. And he said, oh, never mind, I'm going to do it.

And he hopped off. And I thought about it. I thought, yeah, I think what I said is correct for me.

Because when I'm awake, you know, I'm sort of trying to control my environment and all that stuff. When I sleep, I want to be free. I want to be free.

Like the bluebird in the sea. It's the monkeys, isn't it? I want to be free like the monkey in the tree. So I don't know, I think I'd like to be free in my dreams.

I want to be freer in my waking life, which I think I am. The more time I spend being creative, the freer I'm feeling, I think. And because every recording is a creative project, every single one is different.

There's similarities, there's sort of a continuation with some of the stuff. But everyone's different. So there's that stupid fly is still there.

I've never been so angry. So yeah, it's quite cool. But when I sleep, I don't, I do have, I do have lucid dreams sometimes, but it's not purposeful.

I don't like to sit out. But now I'm going to go to sleep, I want to be aware of everything that happens when I'm asleep. I really don't.

I generally don't. I'm quite happy just to let my mind do what it wants to do when I'm asleep. There was one stuff, I remember, it was a while back.

I don't have the exact date. And I dreamt that I was flying around this flower, and I could actually get really close to it. And I could maneuver myself around the flower.

See, at the time, I was thinking, I'll go to the right, go to the left, I'm asleep. This isn't as good. But no point during that process that I think to myself, how come the flower is so damn big? How come I'm flying? None of that stuff seemed to, you know, so wasn't very real, really.

You know what I mean? You get me? Swear down. Swear down. Oh, man.

So I took Andrei for a walk. I had a little, that flower really is winding me up. Maybe I really stink bad.

A lot of people say I stink bad. No one stinks good today. There was a hole in the ground, in the field.

Andrei took me for a walk, really. He chose the direction. And there's a hole.

There's a few holes and stuff, but there's one which is clearly a burrow or something underneath there. And he's trying to get inside it. And I stopped him.

And I thought, you know what? That's someone's home. That's somebody's home. That's a rabbit.

And I don't know. Could be rats, could be rabbits, could be moles, could be a hedgehog, giraffe. I don't know what lives underground.

And what right has he got to just go in? So I told him off. I said, Oi, son, listen. He said, get off me, get off me.

I know, listen. Wiggling and everything. I said, listen to me.

I don't have to listen to you. He said, this is my time. We're in the field.

We're walking. This is my time. I get to do what I want.

You can't tell me what to do anymore. I said, excuse me? He said, this is my environment. This is my manner.

I said, well, technically, you're correct. But I'd like you to behave yourself. He said, all right then.

I was really surprised at that. Normally, he argues and he keeps going. But he just gave in and he climbed into my jacket and he went to sleep.

So what he does now is he walks for miles. And then he wants to go a different direction to me. And I say, no.

And I say, we're going this way now. And he goes on strike and he just lays on the floor and refuses to use his legs. And I end up dragging him.

Refuses to move his legs. Now, he was full of energy to go the other way. And I pick him up and he climbs into my jacket and goes to sleep.

But he was full of energy. He just went on strike. He said, no, that's it.

I don't get to do what I want to do. Honestly, he'll just lay down on his side and be dragged. And he'll let me drag him on concrete, honestly, anything.

Not that I would, but I've done it a couple of times without realizing it because I'm just walking along and I look down. I think, what's that noise? There's like sparks coming up from the pavement. And he's just laying there, refusing to move, refusing to use his legs.

So yeah, he did that. He does that in the field, does it in the park as well. He'll actually do it while I'm walking him.

I'll be walking him. He's fine. And he just plops down on his side.

And I think he does it out of laziness. He's quite happy to be pulled along on the grass because it doesn't hurt him. Because trust me, he wouldn't let anything hurt him.

He'd have something to say if there's any kind of discomfort. He doesn't hold back in that area. He'd be screaming at me, Daddy, stop that.

Or he might actually walk. He's so determined to be naughty at times. I don't know where he gets it from.

And maybe it's in the genes because I was naughty when I was little. So maybe he's just like me. Because I never told him about... I wasn't really naughty, but I suppose like any other kid when I was like four, three, four, five, I used to get into trouble.

When I was in the children's home in South End, I used to get sent to my room and I wasn't allowed to go out for the... Sometimes I'd go out to the cinema and stuff and I'd have to stay home on my own because I don't know what I'd done, but I'd be naughty. I think I used to run away and stuff, I think. But in reality, I probably just went out for a walk and then just didn't come back until late.

And yeah, I mean, I probably went through the... We lived in a beach, near a beach, so I probably was just looking through the bins to see if there was any old chips and bread and stuff. Or maybe I was trying to mug the seagulls to get some of the food out of their mouths. Because it was better than the food I was being served in the children's home by the nuns.

Oh man, that was bad food. It was probably lovely food. Yeah, maybe not.

No, but it probably was healthy. It's just kids... They go on, like they, like society, people that like to moan about kids and stuff. Or kids eat unhealthily, it's the parents' fault.

And kids never used to eat unhealthily. Trust me, kids have always loved eating crappy food, if they had the opportunity. Go back as far as you want, a kid would always choose chocolate over carrots, pretty much.

Not all kids, but, you know, a burger and chips to a seven-year-old is way better than a steak. Or, you know, the most expensive meal you could ever buy doesn't compare to McDonald's when you're a little kid. It's just the way it is, I guess.

But not that I can't even remember what a McDonald's was like. Wow, I haven't had... See, I don't eat fast food very often. But I'll be honest, I don't like to be honest, but I will.

When boxing's on, when there's a big fight coming up, a world title, you know, let's say it's heavyweight title of the world, Anthony Joshua's on, and it's going to be... And it's a really good night, you know, like it's going to be something I've been looking forward to all week. And I'll get all prepared, maybe get a few cans of Coke in. I'm such a rebel, aren't I? And I'll order a pizza, maybe.

Sometimes I'll just cook one, but sometimes I'll treat myself, because I've spent money on the fight, and I'm like, oh, why not? So I'll order a pizza. And it's not healthy, of course it's not. But you know what? It's a treat, and it's rare.

I might eat, I'd say probably five pizzas a year, or every couple of months I might get a pizza delivered. I'll eat more pizzas that are frozen, but I'll get... They're not frozen when I eat them, but that fly really is winding me up. I think it might be reincarnated from someone that I pissed off in their past life.

Anyway, it's continuing to fly around me. Do you think that flies are the first things that ever existed? I do sometimes wonder, because either that or it's the first thing, one of the first things that humans discovered other than other humans. I think that they called it a fly.

They must have thought that's the only thing there'd ever be, because it flew. Then they discovered birds, and wasps, and bees, and other things that also aviated in the sky. But they couldn't call all of them flies, could they? So I had to make up random words.

So flies must have been around right from the word doll. And the first thing that ever flew was a fly. It must be, because it's called a fly.

I have no idea what I'm talking about. I didn't know. So I'm going to go.

I'm sure there was something I was talking about, but I forget what it was. These recordings go by so quickly. It's almost like I haven't talked about anything for 75 minutes, which is true.

I've talked about nothing. There's not even one subject that I can think of that I've talked about. I've just rambled on about and out for 75, nearly 76 minutes.

So I'm going to go and say, I wish you a wonderful evening and day ahead, week ahead. I shall be back again tomorrow. In the meantime, remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy.

Lots of love. Bye.