#384 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (23rd April 2020)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. And just to let you know that I also have other podcasts, Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis, Sleep Hypnosis Weekly and, what is it, Stress, Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety and Panic Attacks, plus a lot of other ones as well, but they're the main ones.

Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Yeah, there's a few different ones. So anyway, thank you for listening.

And that's it. I, what was I going to do? Did I do my shout out to Brad? I think I did. Let's have a look.

And so yeah, it's been weird. I'm making this recorded at 8.30 in the morning, which is something that I don't do. I never, I do make recordings, but not at 8.30 in the morning.

Normally I do them, it's more likely I'm going to do it like 3.30 in the morning, you know. But I actually, I went to bed at two last night or this morning because I didn't just, I started making a recording and got bored with it. And so I just stopped.

And yeah, so I just stopped doing it. I went to bed and I was sweating. Honestly, I basically, I must have lost about a kilo of sweat.

It was ridiculous. So I think the heat was on. And I was just, yeah.

I woke up at half past seven. I got an appointment at three. It's half four.

I actually set my alarm. Hello, Andre. So he's not hassling me, but do you want to cuddle? Go on then.

Hello, mate. You all right? Oh, he stinks. Have you just done a poo? There's a definite smell about you.

You're giving me kisses, okay. I think he might have woken me up. Mind the microphone.

I think he might have woke me up and then jumped off the bed when I actually woke up. Because as soon as I got out of bed, he was there at my feet, biting at my slippers. Followed me around, tried to trip me up.

You know, general stuff. And I think he wants to go out for a walk. Well, I don't think, I know he wants to go out, but he's not.

Well, not ever, but just not right now. So yeah, this is a strange evening. I just hit a different thing.

I just had a mood. I had a moody. Oh, man.

When it happens, when I get the, when I just, when the mood changes, sometimes it changes really quickly. And I literally can't function or do anything. Can't watch telly, can't do anything.

All I can do is go to bed. That's what I did. And I was in bed thinking, I don't want to be in bed.

I've got energy, but at the same time, can't do anything with it. Strange. And I ended up just staying there and ruining the pillow.

Makes a change, doesn't it? This is actually me ruining the pillow. It's normally Andre doing it. I'm thinking it might be because I had a conversation with a couple of people last night.

And I don't know, maybe I need to save my talking for these recordings, rather than for frivolous conversation, frivolous conversation. Maybe I've only got a limited amount of words that I can use in a day. And perhaps I'll just use them all up.

Perhaps I'll use my energy up talking about what's usually talking about nothing as well, even with people. Oh dear, oh dear. So what I thought I would do today is, where's my thing? I'm going to do my word search while I talk to you.

All right, level number 17. So I'm going to do that. That will keep me chicken.

Found it straight away. Chicken. Parent.

So I've got this word search on my phone, but level 17, and I'm pretty quite good at it. I find them quite easily. See parent, got that parent.

Source, source, found that universe. Okay, universe, got that. Order, order, got that.

Wake, wake. Wake, wake, yeah, got that. Game.

So I've got solution, found that, and it wasn't, it's further up. Gene, found that, it's further up. Game.

It's quite interesting. I'm not sort of patting myself on the buttocks, but I'm fairly good at scanning a page apart from right now, but usually apart from, you know, right this second. Game, where are you? Game, got it.

All right, done it. So that's that done. Now I've got to wait 30 seconds for the advert to be done.

Oh, I thought it might stimulate my brain. I just gotta find a solution for this game that I'm playing. So yes, going out, going out, going out is something that I'm kind of needing to do today, because I've got an appointment.

It's a monthly appointment with my psychologist. And, you know, I want to, I want to see her. It's not that I don't want to see her.

I didn't go last month because I was unwell. Plus, I was also worried about the going out and stuff. So it's been two months since I've seen her.

So I sent her an email just now saying, am I coming to you? Or is the building open? You know, I don't know what the situation is. And so I'm just waiting to hear from her. And I can go to go there, or if maybe it's on the phone, I'll do it on the phone if that's the situation.

But, you know, it's not sure how I'm going to get there, because the buses don't seem to be running very much. Every time I've walked up to the shop the last couple of weeks, the buses are just not around. I've seen buses, but they're not, not like normally.

Normally I see them coming and going. And it's, you know, I've only seen a bus or maybe on the way back. Mind you, on the way there, I'm going a different route where there are no buses.

Ah, yeah. So maybe there are buses are running. Maybe they are.

Well, they are running. I know they're running, but whether they're running on a regular schedule, that's a thing. I don't know.

So I suppose I need to sort of look into that. Just the idea of having to leave really early. I mean, I could technically walk it, but it's two hours walk, which could be a really good thing to do.

It'd be nice, you know, get out, be a little bit tired at the end of it, but, and maybe get a bus back. So I might do that. Listen to some music on the way there and just walk slowly for two hours, for two hours, two hours, two whole hours.

And I do have my Audible book. I got a month, three, a month's free subscription with Audible. And so then I've got two books to download for free, or, you know, two tokens.

So I've already got one. I've sort of downloaded it and started listening to it. So I think that lasts about 12 hours.

So I must have listened to at least half of it. So perhaps I'll listen to the rest of it today. So that would be a good opportunity to listen to the audio books while I'm walking to the shops or walking to meetings and stuff.

So it's kind of doing two things, getting some exercise and actually learning something at the same time. Because this book, let me have a look. I'll tell you what it is.

It's an actual, it's an audio version of a book that I've already got. It's called Uncommon Therapy by Jay Haley. The Psychiatric Techniques of Milton H. Erickson, MD.

Oh, yeah, there's six hours, 43 minutes left. It says here, Hi, Jason, you're making great progress. Keep listening today.

Okay. So discover, what does discover mean? I'm clicking on that. So there's not much in the way of hypnosis, which is a shame.

And there's a few books like psychotherapy, therapeutic books. I'm okay. So okay.

Okay. Discover. It's okay that you're not okay.

Are you okay? No, that's not it. So there's books here that are based upon the book is, you know, you're okay. I'm okay.

It's okay to be okay. It's okay not to be okay, whatever. And other people have, it's okay not to be okay.

It's okay to be right by Jeff Wayne. It's okay to be gay. Human gene editing therapies are okay.

Wow. I'm okay. And all the other bullshit.

All right. But it doesn't have the actual original book, which is, I've got it over there. What is it? I'm okay.

I'm okay. You're okay. You're okay.

I'm okay. Okay. Something like that.

I don't know. It's not that you're not, it's okay that you're not okay. That's going to bug me now if I don't check it out.

What's the name of the book? Let me do, if I go into the Amazon and if I just put in, okay. No, the first thing that comes up is okay. Magazine filter books.

There was a time we go to Amazon and it was books. Now it just doesn't even assume it's books you're looking for. I'm looking for books.

All right. Okay. This should come up.

Staying okay. Yeah, that's the one. Staying okay by Amy and Thomas Harris.

It's okay not to be okay. I'm okay. You're okay.

By Thomas Harris. So, okay. So what is it called? It's staying okay.

I'm okay. You're okay. So let's go back to Tony Harris, Tony Harris.

So all these books based upon that book or those books that's like copied, not copied the idea, but kind of gone along with that idea and not one book by the actual person to be the originator of the idea. Well, I don't know if they're the originator of the idea, but they're the ones that are sort of famous. Again, I don't know if they're famous.

That's one of the things about Audible that I'm not a big, I don't like about them is, and I don't know why, but it's just so many really, in fact, if I put Tony Harris in here, let's have a look. Tony Harris. There's a lot of books that I'd like to actually read or that I'd listen to that maybe I've read before or that I've already got.

Thomas Harris. That'd be why I can't find it. No, it's not my fault.

Thomas. My name is not Tom. It's Thomas.

Don't call me Tom. It's Thomas. I've met people in the past and they actually say, yeah, my name's Jay.

No, it isn't. Not your name. No one gets called Jay when they're born.

I mean, people call me Jay, but that's not my name. I'll answer to it. I'm fine, but that's not my, I'd never introduced myself as Jay.

If they want to call me Jay, cool. People call me Jason, Jace, Jay. Well, other things as well sometimes.

I've never introduced myself as, yeah, I'm Jay. I call myself JJ, don't I? And some people call me JJ as well. That's just because of me, these recordings, where I call myself Jojo.

Sexy JJ. It's ironic, you know, it's kind of ironic, just in the sense of, it's just ironic just how sexy I am at my age. It's amazing.

It's amazing. In other words, it's a lie. So yeah, I'd say Tom's Harris is not in here at all, which is annoying.

Yeah, my name's Jay. No, it's not. My name's Ste.

No, it's not. The name is not Ste. Your name's Steve.

Steve, Steve. It takes just as long to say both names. Ste, if it was, my name's Step.

Yeah, I can understand. It's a shortened version. It saves time and energy.

You know, you're going to save yourself. If you give your name to 10 people a day for the rest of your life, you're going to maybe save yourself a couple of minutes throughout your life, you know, a couple of minutes of time expressing that. But your name isn't Ste, it's Steve.

It's not Jay, it's Jason. Although sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's not, is it? Sometimes it's Jay.

Jamie. No, sorry, mate. Jamie can't be a Jay.

Jason is a Jay. Jamie. I mean, Jamie is short for James.

Jimmy. Jamie is short for James. But nowadays, nowadays, I feel myself getting older as I'm talking.

Nowadays, people give their kids names, shortened versions of the names is actually their name. Like, I think one of my sisters got a kid called Alfie. No, that's wrong.

I don't tell her that, but it's wrong. It's Alfred. Alfred, and then you can call your kid Alfie as a shortened version.

Not a shortened version called Alfie. I had this conversation. Oh, my daughter's, what was it? One of my nieces, her sign, her sign, Hyacinth.

You know, that Harry Potter name, Hyacinthia. I think it's some kind of plant. Hyacinthia.

I can't spell it. It's another thing. You go from one extreme to another.

Alfie to make your mind up if you want it to be easy or difficult. Why don't you call her Hyzie? But I was talking to her mother and say, I said, well, she's obviously a Harry Potter fan. Well, no, that name has been used before.

And she named some TV show from the 70s or the 60s. Yeah, probably not what she's naming her child after. Some TV show that was around before she was born, as opposed to one of the main characters in her favorite books and TV and films that she watched as a child.

Yeah, I think it might be more. Some people come up with some stuff to that. Well, actually, it might be something different.

See, I wasn't named after Jason and the Argonauts. It must be Jason and the Argonauts because it's the famous name, isn't it? Jason and the Argonauts. Well, no, actually, I was named after Jason King, who was a very popular TV show character in the 60s, the late 60s.

I was going to say in the 70s, but you're not going to name someone after someone that hasn't been on TV yet, are you? Unless they changed my name. My original name was Simon, after Simon Templar, the saint. And apparently my dad looked a bit like him.

He had a moustache. This bloke, he was a womanizer or a ladies man. Not my dad, Bob, he might have been as well.

But this person on, he was like a detective or something. And he might have still been on in the 70s as well, but he was definitely like a big, his name was, it was called Jason King. That was a TV show.

Let me tell you about it. Let me tell you about Jason King. Jason King.

Right. Jason King. I was, yeah.

I've just discovered a lie. I can't believe it. Jason King didn't start until September, 1971.

I was born August, 1970. So I wasn't named after Jason King. Why did they tell me that? How strange.

The series featured the further adventures of the title character. Ah, the series featured the further adventures of the title character who had first appeared in Department S in 1969. Ah, see, see, he was, he just hadn't had his own TV show.

He was the title character. And let's have a look at Department S. It was a British, ah, okay. Here it is.

Department S TV series. Department S is a British spy-fi adventure series produced by ITC Entertainment. It consists of 28 episodes, which were originally aired in 1969 and 1970.

It stars Peter Weingart as author Jason King, later featured in spin-off series Jason King, Joel Fabiani as Stuart Sullivan, and Rosemary Nichols as computer expert Annabelle Hearst. These three are agents for a fictional special department, the S of the title of Interpol. The S of the title of Interpol.

There is no S in the title of Interpol. Anyway, the head of Department S is Sir Curtis Siritz Dennis Alaba Peters. Ah, see, so that, that, I'm, I'm okay now.

Oh, I thought I'd been living a lie all these years. What's next? What's, what, what could be next? So Jason King, let's go back to Jason King, come on. So basically Jason King is a 20 single, 26 episodes, each for an hour long, including commercial breaks.

So international as well as UK. So maybe people in the USA of America might have seen it. Well, I'm sure lots of people did, but I mean, whether anyone remembers it, I don't know.

It's a lot of people that watch it. You think about it, to remember something, they've got to be at least 10 years old, probably, or maybe eight. So at least eight years older than to remember that TV show.

And as it was like an adult show, probably not till about 10 or more. So no one really under the age of 60 is probably going to know, or going to remember the TV show when it was first on TV. But saying that, you know, I watched, I've watched Star Trek, and all kinds of TV shows.

I dream of Alice, is it? I dream of, that, no, I dream of Jeannie, Jeannie. TV shows that were on long before I was even born. So I don't think Jason King is in that category of iconic shows, but maybe it is, maybe it is.

The series for, in that series, he was a delatante dandy. See, what's delante, amateur, is generally considered a person who pursues a particular activity or field of study, independence from their source of income. So I guess I'm an amateur, aren't I? Amateurs in their pursuits are also described as popular, informal, self-taught, user-generated, DIY, and hobbyist.

Bloody hobby, I don't like that word. Dandy. A dandy, historically, is a man who places particular importance upon physical appearance, refined language, and leisurely hobbies, pursued with the appearance of a nonchalance in a cult of self.

I'm not sure I understand that. A dandy could be a self-made man who strove to imitate an aristocratic lifestyle, despite coming from a middle-class background, especially in late 18th and early 19th century Britain. Previous manifestations of the Petit Matri, French for Smaller Master, and the Muscadine have been noted by John C. Prevost, but the modern practice of dandyism first appeared in the revolutionary 1790s, both in London and in Paris.

The dandy cultivated cynical reserve, yet to such extremes that novelist George Meredith once defined cynicism as intellectual dandyism. Cynicism is an attitude characterized by a general distrust of others' motives. A cynic may have a general lack of faith or hope in the human species.

A cynic is a person motivated by ambition, desire, greed, gratification, materialism, goals, and opinions that a cynic perceives as vain, unobtainable, or ultimately meaningless, and therefore deserving of ridicule or admonishment. The term originally derives from the ancient Greek philosophers, the cynics, who rejected all conventions, whether of religion, manners, housing, dress, or decency, instead advocating the pursuit of virtue in accordance with a simple and idealistic way of life. By the 19th century emphasis on the aesthetic ideals and the critique of the current civilization based on how, yeah, that's even too boring for me.

You know, I was in this group once, it's a Buddhist group, and we were a little bit of homework to bring in the following week, it was like Sunday evening, and it was just like a little talk, you know, only like 20 minutes or something, about a subject that was important to us. I think it might have been something to do with a talk on morals, or a talk on, I would say, morals, for example, or our practice, or meditation, or whatever.

So we all went around the room, and we sort of sat down, and we did a little, you know, I didn't have anything written down, I just talked off the top of my head, probably, and a couple of people, you know, did their thing, and one person in there sat down, and he just read out of a book, so there's nothing that he prepared himself, he just read it, he just read it out of the book, and it didn't seem to have any connection, it was connected to what we were talking about, and it went on, and on, and on.

So we were being read at, I don't really want to be read at, I know you could say technically, that's what audible is, I'm being read at, but it's different, because I'm choosing to be, you know, it's, I don't know, if you're in a restaurant, and you're queuing up to pay for your meal, at the end of the night, or whatever, we're just standing there waiting for a seat, and someone comes over and starts wiping your bum with toilet paper, like, no, this is not the right time for that, you know, this, that's something, it's

a personal thing, and that's, let's please stop, okay, we'll meet halfway, I'll put my trousers back up, and it's like, you know, something's just inappropriate, and that was just really strange, because I'm sitting there, I had to leave the room, because I was falling asleep, and I didn't know what the ending was going to be, and I need to know if I'm going to be really bored, I need to know how long the boredom is going to last for, because I wasn't there to be bored, I was there, it was very much not a bored,

a bored situation, it was a blimey, I think the pigeon's actually in the kitchen, the pigeons do actually come and fly onto my window sill, and look through the window at me, hi JJ, oh sorry, Jamie, hi Jamie, I said no, it's not Jamie, it's Jason, that's not, oh okay, that's not Jamie, it's James, you can see Jamie, James, but not JJ, that's not right for Jay, my name's Jay, no it's not, give people your real name, come on, give them your real name, you can do it, you can remember, go on, you can do

it, you're a good boy, you're a good boy, yeah, what if that makes me a cynicist, cynicist, cynical, cynical JJ, I don't know, I was sitting there, and he's talking, and he's talking, and he's talking, and he's reading this book, I thought he's going to read the whole bloody book, I mean why, that was the question, and for weeks afterwards, I just walked around like why, why, why did it happen, how did it happen, why did I let it happen, Andre's made some weird noises, so yeah, and in the end he stopped talking, and I

said to him, can you do us a favour, next time if you're going to do something like that, can you let us know how long it's going to last, so I can spend more time in the toilet, I don't know if that was the best thing to say in a religious environment, I don't know, so I went on, I need to know when the end is, I need to know, I think it's important, even with a movie, I need to know, I'm going to watch a movie, it's on for two hours, or an hour and

a half, okay, good, I know where we stand, not good with vagueness, vagueness, you know, it's a movie on, there might be an hour and a half, might be 10 hours, somewhere in between, no, no, I think people are vague in their head sometimes, when it comes to meeting, when it comes to, I'll meet you at three o'clock, or if I say to someone, if I arrange for someone to come around my house, which is not something very regularly happens, but if it does happen, and I say three o'clock, I expect them here, three o'clock

on the dot, or later, but not earlier, because I'll be sitting here, 10 to three, knowing that I need to have a wash, vacuum the floor, do the washing up in the kitchen, and get dressed, you know, no, I can do that in 10 minutes, and they knock on the door, 12 minutes to three, what am I supposed to do?

You can't shout out, come back in 12 minutes, you're early, I'll tell you what's more annoying than that, is when you go to meet someone, and you knock on the door, and they say, you're early, can you come back at the right time?

It's just so rude, it's rude, rude like a boo, like a boo, rude, rude, apparently my dad looked like this, Jason King, but the thing is, we didn't know, well, I didn't know how old I was until I was, so I was six, or nearly seven, I didn't know, I didn't know when my birthday was, or anything like that, genuinely didn't, because there was no, there was no build up to it, there's no, you know, because, and it might have been because, you know, it was in the kid's home, children's home for a few years,

and they just, it wasn't really as important to the, to the nuns as it was to perhaps parents, because I think parents would normally, you can use it, can't you, you can use it as a bargaining tool, Is your birthday coming up, little Jason?

Now, if you, if you want that birthday present, you're going to have to be really good, and for the next three weeks, don't bite anybody. Okay, so I might be listening to this thinking, do you mean Andre?

No, me, me, my little brother bit me once, totally true, he was, what was he, it must have been about five, and he bit me on my cheek, and I was walking around, and he was just hanging off my cheek, seriously, he would not let go, and I was shaking everything, and he wouldn't, he just wouldn't let go, and I was screaming, because it was, it's painful, you know, eventually, I hear my dad's yelling, my dad comes up the stairs, my little brother lets go, and just goes and sits on the floor, playing with his

toys, playing with his toys, I'm sitting there, and I've got this big, you could see the teeth, the tooth marks, the teeth marks in my cheek, it didn't draw no blood or anything, I mean, I must have had proper chunky cheeks back then, but it was, you know, it looked like I'd been attacked by an alien, and he just, my dad told me off, never forgiven him for that, if you, do your eyes work, father figure, do your eyes work, can you not see the big bite mark in my cheek, I mean, you know, I

know, I would never want you to tell off your little angel down there, but he bit, I say bit my cheek, don't be so silly, what is this, what is this, what do you think I've been getting bits of Lego and just pushing it into my, you know, I learned some dentistry techniques, learned how the mouth operates, you know, the structure of mouth, maybe got a time machine, went to the future, went online, and learned how to construct a mouth using Lego, and then clamped down on my own cheek, is that what you think I

did, and then got back in a time machine, come home, and started yelling, just to get my little brother in trouble, is that what you think, is that what you think, I didn't say that, come on, it was indented in my cheek, in my face for about two days, it's still there, still, in fact, he's still there, he's still hanging from my cheek, with his mouth, I'm not letting go, I'm not letting go, not you, not you give me back the keys to my time machine, oh dear, because he got away with every single thing,

everything, everything, I mean, just, I remember he burnt down the house, yeah, set fire to the house, whole house was burnt down, I phoned the fire brigade, but in the meantime, I'm using the hose pipe, trying to sort of put out as much as I can from the garden, my dad has regarded me for causing water damage, nothing to my brother, me, I cause water damage, there's gonna be some people, I can't believe that, what a kind of monster, that, how could that happen, it's not true, it didn't really happen, oh, it's, oh dear, I,

why did you choose now to believe everything I say, yes, I now believe everything, yes, yes, he was a little, he's funny now, he's, he does wanna make his, he wants to make his money, he wants to be rich, and different, different people, so I'm, for me, I'm not really into the sort of the quick get-rich-scheme, get-rich-quick-scheme thing, because it's about, it's about doing something you love doing, becoming good at something, but for me, from my own personal perspective, and there's a certain criteria that I feel that needs to be met in order to have

a business, or to devote your time to something, it has to tick a few boxes for me, I can only talk from my own perspective, and one of those things is, needs to be something that I'm interested in, because you could pay me 100 grand, 200 grand a year to do something that I don't, I dislike, and I wouldn't wanna do it, maybe 20 years ago, I just said, yeah, yeah, I'll do that, and maybe I would take it now, but I do a week, I just take the money and run, but to me, it

just doesn't seem, it seems a waste of time if you, to do something, I'm not talking about working hard in a job that you're kind of stuck in, because I've been there, I know what it's like, that's different from choosing to take on something that you, that the person doesn't like, purposely choosing it, because I wanna make huge amounts of money, or a lot more money, so for me, it needs to be something that I wanna do, not if it's a minimum wage job, that I'm kind of forced to do, then it doesn't matter if

I enjoy doing it or not, ideally, it'd be better, but the chances of me getting a minimum wage job that I enjoy doing, is, would be quite unlikely, maybe caring, perhaps, but even then, I don't know if I'm really suited for that kind of stuff, because I just don't care, you have to be quite a caring person to do that, apparently, and what was it, what are the other things you need for me to take, the box, something that I care about, I'd go even further, something that I'm passionate about, and I've not found many

things in my life that I've been passionate about, in my whole life, what was I passionate about, as a child, I was very passionate about the occult, for a while, I was, I was really, really into it, for a couple of years, and then martial arts, very huge, just that was my life, for the last couple of years of school, everything, but yeah, I just, my whole, that was everything that I thought about all the time, the minute I got up, till I went to sleep, I had a bit of, you know, when I was

16, 16, for a couple of years, I was very much into trying to figure a way of having my own business, and I started quite a few different businesses, none of them successful, one of them, well, one of them partly successful, as far as making a bit of spare money on the side, selling things, so I was, you know, by no means did I become rich, but it definitely helped a little bit, but after that, yeah, I went through a period, the next thing I was interested in was sales, but that was kind of more

mixed with what I was doing, doing the canvassing, but my real passion became comedy, back in 1990, I decided, I was laying in the bath, and I was looking down, and I thought, I'll become a comedian, so I'm never going to be a porn star, so I'm going to become a comedian, and it's like, that's the only two options you have in life, so I, you know, I sort of planned the next six months ahead to sort of move to London, and do that, I'll move back to London, and start there, so that was my

passion for the rest of the 90s, it did fizzle out by the time I got to about 96, fizzled out a little bit in 94, re-flamed it in 95, and I was getting a lot better in 95 as well, because I was more topical, and in 96, and in fact in 96, 1996, I don't think I did any gigs at all, did some in 97, I might have did some in 96, but not that I remember, 97, yeah, the reason, because 96, I was working the whole time in security, and I was doing loads of

hours, night shifts, and all sorts of, yeah, all the way through from, I think it was March or April, so I might have done a few gigs at the beginning, right at the beginning of 96, but not for the rest of the year, and then 97, I did some, definitely did some like near the end of the year, so maybe September, October, November, so my next passion was hypnosis, NLP hypnosis, which was what, 1998, moving forward, and then in 2000, I fell in, I suppose it's got to be realistic, be honest, I did, I fell

in love with website design, like really obsessed with it, obsessed, 16 hours a day, working on web pages, figuring out how to build a web page, and dissecting it, and I don't know why, I really don't know why I got so obsessed with it, but I was still reading hypnosis books, and maybe not during that period, I was a little bit stuck in that little grid, I think, for a while, and then, yeah, that lasted till 2001, and then in 2001, sort of May, April time, I was, yeah, I had to move out where I

was living, and everything kind of fell apart, and so I didn't have any, any passions at all, I was just working all the time, I don't know how, what month it was I got my sales job, so I was working, and then I was working again in my, I moved away, got my sales job, in insurance in 2001, September, and I carried on doing the sales, so really, although I was still doing hypnosis training courses, still reading books, so hypnosis was still my interest, and I was building a nice collection, nice little library of books,

as well as other sort of training materials, DVDs, courses, and stuff like that, I wasn't passionate anymore about anything, so really from 2001, even in 2004, when I was promoting a free hypnosis service locally, and I was doing all that stuff, putting leaflets through people's doors, and I still wasn't, it didn't sort of catch fire, you know, not in my, in my heart, wasn't really as behind at all, as it had been for other stuff, and then in 96, not 96, I'm talking about 2004, 2006, although I did get into Buddhism in 2003, but that

was more of a lifestyle, rather than a passion, you know, for me, Buddhism was a foundation, bloody, can you hear all those dogs?

Woof, woof, woof, and yeah, so I didn't really have any passion, passionate thoughts, until 2006, when I launched, relaunched the free hypnosis, the pain relief service in my area, and some other stuff, and then started doing group, group sessions with people in drug, alcohol rehab centers, and then started making recordings online, doing this stuff, the sort of relaxation, pain relief, sleep sessions, and that's when the passion started, sort of it lit up again in 2006, and it's still here, wow, it comes and goes, but last night, or let's say, one o'clock, did not care about

this at all, I was lying in bed, I want to just, I even thought about coming in, just deleting it all, deleting all the podcasts, and I didn't, because they've been paid for by other people, so I can't, I don't feel justified to do that, plus it's, it was a ridiculous thing to do, but I didn't care about any of it, last night, it's weird, but now I'm back, yeah baby, I'm back on the ball, and balling it, and balling it, so I think it's important to have something, to be passionate about it, so to,

yeah, I think the tick, the tick that I don't, the tick box I don't have, is the financial tick box, which would come very high for a lot of people, rightly so, to be fair, because, you know, if you're working, you need to get paid, and I'm very much a case of, you know, if someone offers you 40 grand a year, instead of 30 grand a year, you're not going to sort of say, wait a minute, no, can I, I think you should, you think you should give me less, you're going to say, yeah, okay,

I'll take the 40 grand, at least you should, I would, I never earned 40 grand, I've earned, 25,000 is the most I ever earned in a year, and that was 2005, it's the last time I earned any kind of money, and that wasn't even a lot of money then, but it's the last time, so what's that, 15 years ago, since I earned any kind of okay income, but now it would just be worth less, because, not worth less, but I've got a lot more to pay out for than I used to have, with here, all

the bills, electric, gas, council tax, water bills, television license, of course, the rent as well, if I was working, food, yeah, food, I forgot about food, what other things, yeah, just general, the list, it's quite a long list of stuff, I think back in 2005, I was quite, I wasn't quite, I was in debt by a few, quite a few grand, it wasn't just quite a few grand, it was a lot, like 20, 20 plus thousand, and I was paying it off, I kind of re, what do they call it, where you reconcile, re reconcile,

or re, you know, you get all the to one place, but no, it was, I ended up going bankrupt in 2006, which was not what I wanted to do, it was just the way it ended up, so even though I was earning okay money in 2005, I was paying out quite a bit of money on the debts, so I didn't really, I didn't experience having money, I was paying probably 400, 400 pound a month plus, just on the credit cards, yeah, if not more, actually, yeah, man, I feel one of the biggest mistakes I made

was, well, it's not, but I had this, I re, I forget, consolidated my credit cards, you know, the debts into one, and I destroyed probably three credit cards, and it was Christmas 2004, but I kept one or maybe two, you know, as an emergency, and I kept them, didn't use them, didn't use them, and then I had a girlfriend who didn't like cheap boots, she, it was Christmas, and she was looking at these boots now, I think they were like 70 pound or something, which I know it's not a lot of money, but it was

more, at that point, I changed my job to a much less paid position, so I was going from, what did I earn, 17,000 pound a year, so I went down from 25,000 to 17,000, so it's quite a big jump, it was actually 13, but with, with the bonus, the yearly bonus, it was a bit higher, so it's quite a bit, a drop rather, not a jump, a drop, so it got to the point where I was like, didn't really, I had this, this girlfriend who was sort of saying, oh, I like those boots, that's exactly

how she sounded, I like those boots, they's nice, they are, I said, okay, yes, they're really nice, I wanted to get her something nice, and also I wanted to get her something that she liked, so I did, and I broke into the, I broke the seal of the credit card, I opened it up again, and once it was open, just kept like shouting at me, spend me, spend me, there's one and a half thousand pounds here, spend me, or was it 5,000 pounds, I don't know, it was, yeah, it was a fair amount, spend me,

so that 70 pound turned into 150 pound, turned into 320 pound, turned into 503 pounds, and you know, so on, those were the good old days, the good old days, yes, yes, yes, dibbly dibbly doo, I wonder if my therapist has got back to me, maybe I need a therapist, what's this, the podcast app, stress relief, go away, I'm the person that does stuff, oh, morning Jason, sorry I had meant to call you earlier this week, I'm still doing remote appointments, phone or video link at the moment, would it be okay to speak on the

phone at three, or if you want to do the video thing, I can send a link to you, sorry, should have said, should have said so further in advance, and I kind of, it's fine, I expected that, but what's the time now, I'll get to phobia three, yeah, that's probably the best thing to do, and I'm not doing a video link, bloody hell no, I can't be bothered to that, video link, I'm gonna have to, if I do a video link, I've got to wear clothes, haven't I, so that sounds wrong, doesn't it, but I

mean, you know, get myself dressed and stuff, no, that sounds wrong as well, I don't know, I can't, I can't, it's not that I'm gonna get myself all greased up before the conversation, but I'm just, sometimes it's, you know, I'm just gonna, at least I haven't got to go out, which means I might go, have a lay down for a few hours, I really thought I had to go out and get up and wait for the bus and all that stuff, now I know I don't have to do that, it takes, yeah, it makes the

day a lot easier, so I talk to her on the phone, so I reply and say, yeah, man, get back to me at three, call me on the phone, yeah, all right, bruv, yeah, fella, and that can be done, but what other tick boxes, I think to do something, especially if it's like a business or being passionate, being interested, yeah, being interested in it as well, the only box I'm not ticking is making money, and admittedly, that's, you know, if we're gonna do the blame game, that is my fault, because I set this whole thing

up right from the start, to be a free service, that was for me the whole point of it, well, it's not the whole point, the whole point is to help people, but in my mind, it's free, it's free, it's free, so yeah, I'm not sure what to do, I feel I'm still thinking about writing a book, I'm thinking about it, I'm thinking, thinking, thinking, yeah, I'm not, you know, I'm getting all, trying to get organized, uploading my stuff onto the cloud, I'm trying, you know, get everything organized, and maybe I've got a transcription app on

my phone, I'm trying to sort of think, oh, okay, there's got to be a way of doing this, so I can get my stuff together, and put it into a format which would be useful, and turnable into a book, if you hear that pigeon, that, really, that pig, it's on the windowsill, it's not out, well, it is outside, but it's practically inside, anyway, I'm going to go, thank you for listening, remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy, lots of love, bye.