#395 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (10th May 2020)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

And I'm sitting on the brown chair and I've got Andre lying on my lap. He's got his belly facing up. I'm just stroking his belly.

He's a lot calmer than what he was. In fact, he maneuvered himself so that I could have better access to his tummy, which was weird. You can be really calm sometimes, can't you? He's practically asleep.

I'm now tickling his feet, just the bottoms of his feet. You like that, don't you? You're a good boy. He was actually asleep until I sort of started to get ready to do this recording.

And then straight away, wide, well, not wide awake, but awake. I don't know if you thought I was going to take him out for a walk, but not at this time of the night. I'm not.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I actually took him out about, I think it was about a quarter past five, so yesterday afternoon. And because I need to get some margarine.

I've got no margarine at all, or any butter. And I've got plenty of bread in the freezer. So it's, I've been eating a bit more jam and marmalade on toast lately, just because it's probably a bit too sugary to be fair, but it's definitely something quick.

It doesn't work without butter or margarine for me. It's a bit... What are you sighing for? What are you sighing? I need to cut his fingernails. Yeah, I think your fingernails definitely cut him, my friend.

I think they do. Yes, they do. Oh, he's licking my hand now.

Maybe you're very gentle today compared to yesterday. You want to give him kisses? Good boy. Oh, he wants to get down now.

Okay, there you go. He's just stood there, looked at me. Now he's run off.

He's probably going to scratch at the front door, highly likely. Oh, no. Sounds like he's gone into the bedroom.

So yeah, so I want to say, I'm sure there's a couple of people I need to do shouts out, shouts outs, shout outs for. In fact, let me have a look. One person is Jen.

Hi, Jen. Oh, Andre's looking for his slipper, always for his girlfriend. Now his founder.

So we're going to have that sound in the background yet again. Yeah, so Jen. So I say a big hello to Jen, or big shout out to Jen.

So she said, can I be a little cheeky if you could do a shout out for me, Jason? That would absolutely make my night. Thank you. P.S. You are so damn handsome.

I just want to lick your eyebrows. Wow. She didn't write that.

I'm making that bit up. And, oh, really, Andre? Why has he got to do stuff near the radiator? Because if you bash the radiator, when I say bash, I mean, bang against it. He's, it vibrates, doesn't it, through all the other vibrators? No, not vibrators, radiators.

So Jen did leave a message. She says, Hi, Jason. Hope you're well.

Keep safe. Have to say I can't sleep now without listening to your soundbites. Since I've been listening to you on Spotify, I've been much more calmer and less anxious.

You really are doing a wonderful job. Thank you very much. And it says, please don't read this out because it's personal.

And I get very embarrassed. Oh, whoops. What other messages? And I'd like to say thank you to somebody else.

Let me have a look. If you want to give me to give you a shout out, a shout out, of course, I'm not going to spend the whole recording doing that. I have to leave some time for me to, you know, read out my stats.

But if you want to, want me to give you a shout out, you can contact me, you know, normal ways. But I've got a special page on the website in the menu called shout out, click on there, and it's a little form you can fill in. And I will do a shout out for you on my next recording.

And also if you like, if you want me to do a shout out on a deep sleep whisper one or the sleep hypnosis for stress, or the sleep hypnosis weekly, I can do that as well. Yes, I want to say thank you to Laura V. Laura V sent me a PayPal gift to help with ferret food. So thank you very much.

It's very, very kind of you. I do appreciate that. And I will be sending you a personal message.

Just had trouble getting into PayPal too. For some reason, the app on the phone doesn't let me reply to messages. And it keeps saying, oh, it's not set up.

I don't know how to set it up. And also a big thank you to Boston Chickie as well. And I've already sent a message to Boston to say thank you.

I had a message from Paul today or yesterday. Hello, Jason, I just stumbled upon your website. It is just what I was looking for.

And it's free. Can you explain why there are so many podcasts? What is the best one to use for sleep? Do you have to use them in order? I've tried the first whisper one. Do I progress to the second one? I look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks, Paul. I am going to reply because I've been in bed all day. I haven't felt great today.

It's still the same day for me, but it's not. It's now Sunday. And I'm feeling pretty much better than I was.

Anyway, I'll answer this generally for anyone else that might have the similar kind of question. And what I might do is answer the same question in my whisper recording, my next deep sleep whisper. So the first question is, well, firstly, I just stumbled across your website.

It's what I'm looking for. So thank you. I'm glad that you found me, Paul.

And why can I explain why there are so many podcasts? What's it got to do with you? It's none of your business. Do you mean podcasts or episodes? I suppose I'd go literally podcasts. The reason for it is because I've been doing this, making recordings since 2006.

And I've had quite a few different podcasts over the years. So although there's the ones that are available now, I've had lots of different podcasts. And I think my first popular podcast was in 2007.

And that I've had quite a few over the years. SoundCloud was the one I was with for probably about eight years, maybe longer. And I've been with lots.

Anyway, this is a long version of the answer. If I keep talking, I might actually think of an answer. And I used to make videos on YouTube.

I still do. But I used to actually make videos, you know, with my funny face on there. And then I'd extract the audio and put it onto the podcast.

So I'd have the video and then I'd have a podcast of the same stuff. But I was doing lots of different things. I was doing chronic pain.

Bloody ferret. I think he's gone in the kitchen now. You know what he did earlier? Sorry, Paul, I'm going to come back to you.

You know what he did earlier? I was in the kitchen, right? And I've got no margarine. I've mentioned that. I mean, I know it might not be important to you.

But to me, it's important. I've got no margarine. It's like having no sugar.

Well, it's not like having no sugar, because it's a different product. But you can't replace margarine with sugar. Although you can mix the two together, carbon margarine into coffee.

And not without a bit of a mess. A bit greasy. But if you run out of sugar, you're used to having sugar on your breakfast cereal or in your coffee or tea.

I have one cup of coffee a day. And I only have one teaspoon of sugar in my coffee. I don't have much sugar in my coffee.

But I do make up for it the rest of the day probably. Well, definitely. But that coffee without sugar, I might as well just go start licking lampposts.

I mean, it's just pointless. It just tastes horrible. I mean, coffee, to me, I mean, it's not something that I want to have.

It's not something that I would enjoy. It's very, yeah, I need some sugar. Not a lot.

I don't need like, like my nan, although I think she used to have coffee in the morning, and then tea the rest of the year, not the day. And she'd have about six to, she'd basically just pour a whole bag of sugar in her tea. The thing is, when you've got a 93 year old, what are you going to say? Shouldn't have so much sugar, it's bad for you.

Especially when she's healthier than you are. I mean, not you, me, who I was telling her off. You shouldn't have so much sugar.

I'm 93. You're going to tell me what, what my teeth are going to fall out? I haven't had any tea for 40 years. You just, you know, so it did actually give her energy, or at least the feeling of some energy.

As far as I was concerned, my nan could do anything she wanted. Because she was just perfect. Apart from when we went to the Isle of Man.

But that was only a half an hour where I just was so angry. She wanted to watch a different program on telly to me. Don't mess with my telly.

Don't get who you are. Anyway, Andre. So, I'm putting stuff in the fridge.

And I've got some cans of Coke that I got from Amazon last week. And it's like a box of cans, box of Cokes. But I've got literally nothing in the fridge anymore.

No food. All I've got is a jar, a bit, you know, a jar with some jam in it and a jar with some marmalade in it, which goes back, fits in with my previous story of eating that on toast. And in the door, I've got some milk.

I've got a milkshake, which I bought about a month ago, which is still in date. So I had a little bit there earlier. It's a banana one.

And on the middle shelf, I've got some drinks, some Capri Sun. And on the top shelf, I've got a few bars of chocolate. So I just have, I bought a few bars of chocolate just just there for, you know, the coming hours.

But no food. And you might think, oh, well, you've got chocolate. If you haven't got any food, why are you eating chocolate? No, it's not an if or situation.

It just happens that I just grabbed a few chocolate bars that were on discount, as well as the milk and some breakfast cereal that I bought the other day. So I went to the garage. I got two boxes of Weetabix.

I didn't actually get any milk. No, I did. I got one milk.

And what else did I get? Yeah, I've got two loaves of bread. And I got four bars of chocolate. And they were $1.50 for two.

Well, I might have got six bars of chocolate, something like that. Don't forget, that's, you know, I wouldn't normally eat more than perhaps one bar of chocolate a day. I'm not just there stuffing chocolate into my mouth all the time.

Sometimes I put it up my bum. No, I don't. So it's, it's there.

But the garage doesn't really sell food. Like cans of stuff. Well, cans of soup.

Soup isn't food. And I've got a couple of cans of soup anyway, already in my cut board in the kitchen. And there's some biscuits as well, part of what I got from Amazon.

And I got some breakfast cereal from Amazon. Some washing up liquids and toilet rolls. And about 90 bottles of water.

So I have one bottle of water a day. That's kind of how it works. So hopefully I've got enough.

I've got some soap as well. I've got about nine bars of soap for maybe 12 bars of soap. So I'm trying to sort of get enough in so I don't have to, I just can't face going to the supermarket.

I really can't. You know, I wish I had someone that could go for me. I'd pay them.

I'd actually pay someone money to go and get my food. And it's just, you know, in this situation, normally what I would do in like a normal situation, you know, when things are kind of like how they were before, I knew the times when it was quiet to go to, if I'd go into town, go into the supermarket and order a delivery. I'd buy some stuff in a trolley and get it delivered.

And that would be easily done. And it would be fairly quiet. There might be 10 people in there.

So I always knew the quiet times. And the other Iceland, closer to where I live, but still a bus ride, I always, I know when it's quiet, you know, early afternoon, it's quiet. However, now with all the queuing outside, it's just a little bit too much for me.

Before you say, well, you queue much for all of this? Yeah, no, I mean, it actually affects me, you know, it affects me. It affects all of this. You're not special.

No, I am. I'm special. Trust me, all the teachers at school, even my parents told me I was very special.

So I kind of think of it in a sense of, if I can go and then feel ill, and then come home and have to sort of sleep for hours afterwards. Or I can sort of try to avoid doing it. So I can't do avoid doing it.

Or I pay way over the odds to get stuff from Amazon. Wow, that was a quick one. I've got an itchy thigh.

I don't know what he's up to. What are you up to mate? Shut up. And wow, there was a bang, not a bang, but like a noise.

And it definitely wasn't him that did that. So I don't know where that came from. Anyway, I don't know if I mentioned it, last week, I ordered stuff with this company, which sells frozen food, mainly to pensioners.

It's aimed at pensioners, elderly people. I'm sure they deliver to people that aren't just pensioners, but that's their, that's very much their target audience. And I ordered some food last week, some meals.

It's kind of like meals on wheels, but frozen food. It's that kind of thing. And I don't know, it's meals on wheels.

Is that hot food? I really don't know. Anyway, they really didn't want to deliver because I didn't have, I was having problems with my card paying. And so I drew money out of the bank, cash, and I put down that I was going to pay by cash and they accepted it online.

Then they phoned me up saying, no, we don't want cash. I said, well, don't you, don't you trust the delivery driver? They said, yeah, why would you say that? I said, I don't know, I just, you say you don't want me to give him cash. And they said, why are you assuming it's a man? I said, really? Can't I just have a normal, simple conversation with some imaginary person? Why does it got to be complicated all the time? What do you mean complicated? Just a simple question.

It sounds like you just assumed it was going to be a male delivery driver. Do you think women can't carry stuff? I said, no, I don't think that at all, but I just can't be bothered to have this conversation with you. Why? Because I'm a woman.

It wouldn't matter if he was an elephant. Are you calling me an elephant now? No, I'm not calling you an elephant. I'm just saying, I can't be bothered to have this conversation.

You started it. No, I didn't. You phoned me.

Oh, yeah. Anyway, they wouldn't give me, they didn't want me to pay by cash. So I cancelled the order.

And, you know, I've been going online, still looking for places. I thought a card might be okay, but they weren't delivering. Still, no one's delivering to people like me, people like me.

And I even spoke to my psychologist on, I don't know what day it was, was it Tuesday? No, Monday it was. I spoke to her because I couldn't get my prescription. Because my prescription, part of my prescription for bipolar is Depakote, which is a mood stabilizing drug.

And it's also used, it was originally used for epilepsy. And it sort of balances the brain out, apparently. So I've been on that for six years, probably, maybe longer.

That's six years, at least six years. Wow. And I was already on fluoxetine, which is Prozac.

I was on that. If I hadn't been on that, because normally they don't generally have antidepressants and they don't usually have that with bipolar. But because I was already on antidepressants for quite a while before I was diagnosed with a bipolar for the second time, they gave me something that would work with the antidepressants, rather than taking me off the antidepressants and putting me onto like an antipsychotic, which I'd already been on previously, which didn't really suit me.

Turned me into a zombie. Seriously, I had this, when I was first diagnosed with bipolar in December, 2011, the psychiatrist gave me a list and then sent the list to my doctor. And it's basically, here's a prescription we're going to give you.

If this doesn't work, you try this one, then you try that one, then you try that one, which is what I did. And I did like any of them. And I was trying to, I was working, I was self-employed at the time.

So I didn't want to, I couldn't be sleepy all the time, but I couldn't believe this one I took, the first one. I can't remember what it's called now. I used to know what it's called because I used to take it.

And I remember looking at the packet, the box that it came in. But I took it and I could hardly make it to the bed. And I was bang out, completely asleep within minutes.

And that doesn't suit me. It doesn't suit me because I have sleep apnea. So basically what it means is I stop breathing when I'm asleep due to, the doctors love to say, well, it's because of your weight.

But I used to have girlfriends wake me up when I was in my early twenties, saying I was stopping breathing and I was making weird noises. And I was slim as you like back then. I was practically see-through.

So I guess the weight hasn't helped, but I'm a light sleeper and I need to be a light sleeper. And I like being a light sleeper, but as well as being a light sleeper, I'm an easy sleeper as well. I can fall back asleep pretty much straight away after being woken up.

So I don't want anything to knock me out. And I've got a friend who, I think she takes the same ones as that, same tablets and it just completely puts her under for the whole night. And so, yeah, I didn't like it.

I just felt really groggy and everything. I tried another one, didn't like that. So I stopped taking all of them, which was no good idea really.

And yeah, so I ended up with a Depakote. Also quite a high dosage to start with. And over time it's been reduced to you know, pretty, quite a low dose really.

So I was on, I think I was on at least double the dose that I'm on now when I first started. And I think what makes it a bit easier, yeah, maybe more manageable is not, if I was going to work, if I had a job, then I don't know how I'd manage. I'll be honest with you, I don't know how I'd manage.

But at times I'd be fine. But then other times I really would have difficulty based on previous experience, based on sort of how I am. And so I kind of, I don't need high dosages now, you know, in my current sort of situation.

Yeah. What was my point? I'm sure there was a reason for why I was, I don't know. Some reason why I was talking about medication.

Anyway, I was in the kitchen. I couldn't get any Depakote. So I had to change it over.

And I said, spoke to the psychologist because the doctor's surgery, or was it, no, this pharmacy said, no, they put down Depakote on your prescription and we can only do the generic one. You have to put the generic, which is sodium alpro or something. And I said, we'll just change it then.

She said, how dare you? I'm going to stop. No, none of that happened. I can't bother to have those conversations today.

She said, yeah, it's, can't do it. You have to contact your doctor. Contact a doctor.

Psychiatrist has to do it. Doctor can't change anything. Doctor can't change medication that's been prescribed by a psychiatrist.

Only a psychiatrist can change it. So I contact my psychologist and I say, can you please, please, please, please get my psychiatrist to change my prescription? And also said, and she said, how are you getting on? And I told her about the issue of not being able to get food. It's the only real major issue is the not being able to get food in without going into shops like the local shop.

And there's no distancing at all in there. It's too small. I mean, I actually came out there last time and I was itchy and I don't know what that was.

And there was an old man inside my underpants. He just got caught inside my underpants. It was so squashed together.

And I let him out of course, tapped him on the head. He thanked me. I thanked him back.

And we arranged to have dinner that evening, but that's a different thing. So my psychologist, she said, well, you please stop calling me. No, she didn't.

She said, oh yeah, I'll sort that out. And I've got a colleague who managed to get her or his patient onto the priority list for the supermarkets. I said, cool.

And so I, because I don't go out, I don't really go out much. And anyway, I've kind of talked about that. But she sent me this link, went onto the link.

And the first thing it says is, do you have a physical illness? And I said, no, if you have a physical illness that your doctor says, whatever would stop you from doing this. It was basically a list of illnesses. No, I don't have any of those things.

But you're not eligible then. Okay. So they're really, and I guess maybe they can't cater for everyone.

Perhaps cater is not the right word, but it's people with mental health issues, especially when it comes to social stuff. Just my heart goes out to them because I don't know how they're getting through it. I'm managing just about.

Luckily, I've got, I'm pretty good at researching and finding different ways of doing stuff. And as I said, I've got some stuff from Amazon. I've also ordered that frozen food.

I've got that delivered Friday, frozen meals. Although they're aimed at elderly people, it means I get to eat, which is always a good thing. So that's what I did, ordered that and got about, I think, 12 meals.

I think I've got 12 meals and a few desserts. And they're all, I had one just a few hours ago and six and a half minutes in the microwave and it's ready. It was vegetables, everything.

And it tasted nice also. So I suppose in some ways I'm probably eating better than what I was last week. So what I'm going to do is next Wednesday, I'll order another, perhaps enough for the next two weeks.

So maybe every Wednesday, every fortnight when I get paid, I'll order two weeks worth of food. Yeah. So that makes sense.

So that's, I just do that until this particular boil has been popped. So I have got food. It's just, I've got nothing I can just eat.

I mean, technically that food is edible because it's food. But you know what I mean, kind of something I can just have as a snack. Oh, I'm a bit hungry.

Because I don't want to eat chocolate in those situations because it's not food, is it? It's just, I think being hungry and having something sugary is not, well for me personally, it doesn't do the job. It just, yeah, it's not what I need. But sometimes a bit of toast, but maybe I'll talk myself into this.

Maybe if I have jam on toast, and that's jelly, in some countries they call it jelly. We call it jam because that's the correct name for it. It's not strawberry jelly, it's strawberry jam.

Stop calling it jelly. So what I might do is spread the jelly. Now I'm doing it, the jam.

But what I normally do is I don't spread it over every bit of the toast because I've got margarine underneath, or yeah, butter, at least lately I've been using butter. So I ran out of margarine and I had some butter in the fridge that was rock hard, solid. You could literally take a bit out and chuck it and break a window with it because it was so solid.

Not that I tested that theory out because why would I? I needed the butter, you know, because I've got no margarine. It's not the only reason why I don't break windows. It's because it's, yeah, the novelty's worn out.

But I, perhaps I can, I might test this later because I might have a snack in a few hours. So I still feel fairly content. My tummy feels content with the food I had a couple of hours ago.

So what I might do is have a couple of bits of toast with jam on them, but I'll cover the entire side with jam because part of the issue with not having margarine is the toast being too dry. But if I put enough jam on it, it'll soak into it and make it soggy enough so I might not even notice that there's no margarine on it. The thing is, and this was, it's my step mum's birthday in August last year.

This is back in a time when we were able to congregate and breathe over each other. And so we did, we just stood there, just breathing on each other. It's a bit of a weird, this is a family tradition.

And she was, she had a big, like, orly thing, not a torquay, a marquee in the garden that my dad put up. It was really windy as well. And it was, I was sitting there watching him struggling with the marquee and just trying to sort of stopping it from blowing away and thinking, we really should have got, get someone to help him.

I'm just sitting there having a cup of tea. Oh, I felt a little bit sorry for him really. And I got there a bit early, a bit too early, which meant I had to talk to people.

So I, you know, I didn't know what time it was starting the party and I was going home. And early or late afternoon, early evening. So if I'd have planned it a bit better, I could have sort of got myself a cheap bed and breakfast or something, hotel, like one of the cheap ones, you know, 40 pound a night or 50 pound a night.

Then I could have stayed and got drunk or something. Because that's what I normally do that at parties. I really, I don't drink any time anymore.

But I do drink at social events, because the only way of, I can't deal with them otherwise. But that's just me. And it'd be a problem if I was having social events, you know, three, four times a week, then I'd be a problem if I was drinking heavily like that.

But, and to be fair, I don't drink heavily. Anyway, I'm a lightweight. I've always been a lightweight when it comes to alcohol.

Never, yeah, I've never been able to, even at my most amount of drink, lagers, I can't even drink eight cans of lager. That's the absolute maximum I've ever been able to drink. And, and that was in a, you know, back in the days when I was drinking every single day, quite a few years back.

And I went through a phase when I was drinking red wine. And that's when I was in the room before I moved here. I was in that little room and I was drinking alcohol most nights because I don't know what else there was to do really.

It was just, yeah, there wasn't, there was anything else to do, but I just, you know, I just, that's what I was doing. And I had, it was a Saturday night and I had two bottles of red wine. Now, normally I'd have a bottle of wine.

If I drink wine, I'd have one bottle, that'd be it. I'd actually just buy one bottle and it's a nice little buzz. And, you know, I haven't done it for ages and ages.

In fact, I think the last time I bought some red wine was about a year ago and I had one glass. In fact, it wasn't a glass, I put it into a mug. Don't taste the same from a mug.

I think it needs, wine needs to be in a glass. Don't know why, I just see, I don't know, it just seems better. I suppose it's, it'd be like drinking, I don't know, like drinking soup out of a, out of a sink.

Even though the sink might be spotlessly clean, mine isn't, it might be spotlessly clean. It's just not the same, is it? Drinking that tomato soup. I do like tomato soup, but it's not food.

It's a drink or a lumpy drink if it's got carrots in. A lumpy drink with carrots in, that's vomit, isn't it? Vomit in a can. Anyway, I, Andre's distracted me by running around again.

You want to give me cuddles? Okay, I don't know what he's doing. He's basically, he's looking for something, but I don't know what he's looking for. Maybe his girlfriend's left him.

Maybe they had a row. You've changed. Oh dear, I'm sure, yeah mate, I did hear someone saying to him earlier, it's not you, it's me.

And so I was in the kitchen and I discovered that I had one piece of cheese left. So I get these packs of cheese, they've got slices and they're pretty cheap. And it's just a hell of a lot easier than buying like a chunk of cheese.

And it's probably a little bit more expensive, but not that much more. And I don't eat enough cheese to, it just lasts a bit longer when it's in slices because I have a tendency in the past, not recently, but in the distance. Where are you? He's underneath the chair.

What are you doing mate? Oh, doing something. And it used to go moldy, all moldy, very heavy footed. Oh, he's now going into his cage.

No, he's not. He's now run out again. He just, maybe he's just got a bit of energy.

I don't know. So went into the kitchen and I thought, you know what? Because I took him for a walk and my plan, this was my plan, was to walk to the shop. I had his bag with me and I was going to, I don't know, this is ridiculous.

I had, it was hot outside. I had my gloves on, my PPE gloves there. They're basically snooker, snooker ball rubbing gloves, but I'll wear them when I go out now.

And I figured even if I walked out in a clown suit, I don't think people are going to laugh at me anymore than they normally do anyway. So yeah. So I'm just, and I've got my little balaclava thing on, but I've got it, I haven't got it over my head or over my face, but I've got it crumpled down over my neck, but it looked like I had a scarf on.

And everyone else, there was a lot of people out walking, some without any tops on at all. Only the men. So annoying.

I think it's just, it's unfair. It's very, it's unfair and it's to just have men do that. I think it's sexist.

I really do. Now, you know, I've seen complaints, you know, in the, in the papers and why, why is it okay for men to walk around with their tops off in the street? And I agree. Well, why? It should be equal.

So I was walking down the street and I said hello to a couple of neighbours that was out and I think they both looked at me and looked at the scarf. Couldn't really tell, but I felt very uncomfortable with it because it was hot. I was sweating, a very sweaty neck.

I don't normally have a hugely sweaty neck. It's usually my balls or my bum that get... You wouldn't think that I was nearly 50. I'm so childish.

Oh dear. I'm like a penguin in a microwave. It's just ridiculous.

So I, I take it off in the end. I take the balaclava. I never thought I'd say that sentence.

So I was walking down the street and I decided to get a bit hot so I took the balaclava off because it's a nice hot summer's day. Why would you be wearing a balaclava? The plan was when I got to the shop, I was going to rub it. No, when I got to the shop, I was going to put the thing over my face, you know, as a face mask.

Like, well, I don't know, just what I think that I should be doing. Anyway, I took it off and I went down the country lane. I'm planning to cross over the bridge, but there's people on the bridge.

There's lots of people walking around. I'm seeing people everywhere. I was like, wow.

And I see one of my neighbors, I see two of my neighbors and there were people walking across and it was, but one neighbor that I'm, she's another dog, well, I'm not, I'm not actually a dog walker, but she's a dog walker and Andres insists on going out. So, and I've known her, I sort of chat to her since I moved here, really. And I'm hoping that one day she's going to adopt me.

And we, we were just talking, but we're walking slowly and we were chatting and I was kind of, I was obviously keeping a distance from her, partly because, you know, the rules and also because I didn't want her to smell, smell me. And so basically I had to, what I do now to make sure I've got the distance, I push two Tesco trolleys in front of me or two shopping trolleys ahead of me. And I have two behind me as well, dragging them to make sure.

And also two to the side, either side of me to make sure that I can keep the distance. The cars don't seem to be very happy when they're trying to get past. I don't have any on top of my head.

Although a passing car did say that's what they were going to do with one of the trolleys if I didn't remove it from the road. Angry, angry, they was. But it turned out we were just, we were chatting and I realised, it wasn't really, I kind of realised in the moment that I was enjoying talking.

I'm not much of a talker and you're not going to believe that, are you? I don't really, I don't spend time with people talking, but I can be a chow box. But from the other side, I know that it's annoying to other people. So I, you know, I try not to do that.

And when I'm going somewhere, I just want to get there, get it done. But because I haven't had any, the person I normally, my friend that I normally see hasn't sort of been, I've not had anyone in my flat. So I haven't really had much communication at all.

Really much for, it's like a lot of people for quite a while. And I was just talking to her and I almost wanted to just get the super glue out and grab her hand so she, I was stuck to her, so she had to take me home so I could talk to her, continue talking. All I wanted to do is just talk.

And it felt quite nice, not just to talk, but also, you know, to listen and have a conversation, which I hadn't had for, not that kind of conversation for quite a while. And, and then I saw another neighbor and she was talking to me, she was the other side of the road and we were chatting and I said, you know what time the shop closes? She said, I don't know. I said, what's the point? What do you mean you don't know? She said, I don't know.

I said, but you've lived around here all your life, you said. She said, yeah. I said, how come you don't know what time the shop closes? She said, I don't like your tone.

I've got other things to think about, you know, other than the time a shop that's half an hour away closes on a Saturday night. Why would I be bothered with something like that? If you need to know that information, you should find it out yourself. I'm not your secretary.

I said, oy, you said, yeah. She started to talk towards me. I said, nothing, nothing, it's fine.

Sorry. I was very scared. And so she just, quite weird, she had a little hand glider and she just, I didn't realize, but it was quite a high curb and she ran off the curb and she sort of hand glided off the curb and just took off into the sky.

And at one point, I couldn't see whether or not it was her or a seagull, that's how far away she was. And so I'm thinking I'm walking up the road with Andre. He's making me carry him.

He won't walk because it's too hot. Eventually I'll take him out of this, I'll take the scarf off of him, you know, the balaclava. I think maybe that will cool him down.

And he bites me and, but he won't, he won't walk. So I'm carrying him. I'm thinking I can't be bothered with this.

I didn't cross over the bridge because there was people on the bridge, just hanging around, talking. So I just, so I decided to come back. And because I had my jacket wide open, because it was t-shirt weather, but I don't wear a t-shirt.

Well, I do wear a t-shirt. So that's not a good example of honesty, is it? I do wear a t-shirt, but I don't generally walk around just with a t-shirt unless it's the summer. Although May kind of is, it's summer now, isn't it? May? Is May summer? I don't know.

But I'm a little bit self-conscious because I'm just too muscly. I'm a bit too, I'm, I'm worried I might distract drivers because they'll walk, they'll see my bum and they'll see how handsome and muscular I am. And I don't know, I just don't want people getting distracted when they're driving.

So I try to sort of wear baggy clothes and, you know, cover up really. Plus I've got a specific jacket that I wear when I take Andre out. Just, I don't know, I like to do things I like to have certain things for certain things, you know, and that jacket, it, I don't necessarily wear it in the summer.

It's a thermal one. I kind of walk around with a thermal jacket and a thermal balaclava on the hottest day of the year so far, probably. Yeah, that's a good idea.

Yeah. Anyway, because I had the jacket open, Andre was trying to get down my t-shirt because normally he climbs into, he scratches and sort of tries to dig his way into the jacket. I do the zip, I do the zip down or undo the zip.

He climbs into the jacket and I do the zip up and I just make sure I hold him in there and he goes to sleep while I'm walking. So I thought, I'm not walking all the way to the shop with him like that. Lazy bugger.

And he was trying to get down my t-shirt and I've, it's not that I've got extra sensitive nipples and I don't want to, you know, but I'm not saying, I'm not talking about nipples or anything, but the, they are sensitive to his nails. In fact, my whole bosoms, my whole bosom area, when he, you know, you know how your tits can get red, can't they, when you scratch and so that's what it's like with me. Gets down there and he's like scratching, it's like, Andre? And he doesn't mean it.

He's not purposely trying to give me, you know, some kind of weird ferret love bite, but just, it's not, it doesn't really work. Besides when I try and get him to get down my t-shirt, he won't. So anyway, what I do is I put him into one side of my jacket and I just hold him in there and he's, and he's leaning out with half of his body and he's leading his face on my hand and he's just looking around and he seems to be happy.

And I just bring him home. He walks, he walks probably the last five minutes. He's very, very, very clever.

He knows where he is. He knows when he's at a place when we're nearly home. I think I'll walk this part just in case any of the neighbors, doesn't want the neighbors to see him being carried.

Probably the cats, the local cats, because he, you know, he thinks he's a big boy now. He doesn't want them thinking he's still a little baby. So, you know, I do that and I'm thinking, what am I going to have to eat? Because the plan was to get some margarine from the shop.

It's the only thing I really, really need. So margarine, I was going to get some cheese, cup of packs of cheese, some margarine. And I was possibly going to get a little bottle of water because both myself and Andre were thirsty.

So I was probably going to get a bottle of water and give him some and I have some to help us get home because it was, you know, warm. That was the plan. And I think as I'm walking towards the entrance to the park or the exit from the park, depends which way you're facing, I guess.

I know what I'll do. I'll just have the toast on, the cheese on the toast without margarine because that's what my stepmom did at her birthday party. She came out and we had cheese on toast.

And I was having, I was eating it because I find that's the best way to get it inside my tummy. And it didn't taste, it didn't taste wrong, but it tasted a little bit different. I couldn't quite work it out.

And then I went into the kitchen and I saw her preparing because I went in to see if there was any more being made because I wanted more. But I pretended my dad wanted more. And she wasn't putting any margarine on the toast before putting the cheese on and putting it underneath the grill.

So I've never done it like that before. I've always put margarine on. But yesterday, well, you know, a few hours ago, yesterday afternoon, that's what I did.

I did it without margarine. It was okay, you know, it worked. So I put the toast, I put the fruit, I came home, washed my hands and put the, I've got some special gel disinfectant, gel stuff.

So I put that on as well after I've washed my hands and pick my nose. Yeah, it's normal. Isn't that what you're supposed to do, isn't it? You wash your hands, then you pick your nose.

Anyway, and I've got some toast out. Well, just one slice of bread out of the freezer, frozen bread. I put it, well, it's out of the freezer.

I didn't need to mention frozen, although I might have only just put it into the freezer. So it might not have been frozen yet. But I guess the assumption is it's frozen.

And I put it into the toaster, put the toaster down. I don't, I say you're useless. Put the toaster down, get it? So I put the toaster in, the toast in, and I turned the grill on for the oven, or the grill rather, for the cooker grill.

And I put a plate on the top, ready to, it's a paper plate actually, but I put that on the top. And I go to the fridge, and I get out the cheese. And I'm standing there waiting for the toast.

And Andre walks in, turns around, looks at me, does the massive fart, and does a big poo, right in the corner of the kitchen, where I was previously standing, right near the sink and right near the toaster. And then he ran off, giggling. Now, this is something that he does maybe twice a year.

I'm serious, he's really, really rare. And the only time he normally does it is if he's fallen asleep in the kitchen, and he wakes up, needs to go to the toilet, and he kind of doesn't know where he is. And he'll just run over to the nearest corner and do it.

But he purposely came into the kitchen to do that. I don't know why. But it was annoying.

And he doesn't normally do a big, loud fart before either. It was proper loud. Well, you know, obviously, I don't know how to do farts.

Because I'm, I don't know, I'm just not that kind of person. But then I had the cheese on toast. You know, after clearing up that mess.

So he's a naughty boy. So the question for Paul was, can you explain what is Sony podcast? And yeah, there's just, just because I've done lots of different ones, that's really it. And I needed to separate them, otherwise they get lost.

Because I've got about 1700 different recordings. And most podcast deliverers, as like iTunes, maybe Spotify, they would show that some only show the last 150, the latest 150. The maximum you'll get generally is 250, which is a lot in most postcard, postcards.

Most postcards, most podcasts don't have that many recordings. But there are, you know, there's a few that do. And I'm one of the ones that do.

And it's too many, they get lost. So that's why I have the Let Me Boy To Sleep podcast, the Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis podcast, Sleep Hypnosis Weekly podcast, the Sleep, was it Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety, and Panic Attacks. And a couple of, let me just have a look.

Yeah, there's a lot, lots, a few others as well. The Hypnosis for Sleeping Deeply, as well as, you know, there's a few others that I've got there. Self Help, Hypnosis, Relaxation Hypnosis.

Some of them are courses. But I reduced, I got rid of a lot of the podcasts I used to have. So I had 48 before.

I broke, I got them down to about, it's about 12, maybe. And the next part of the question was from Paul, do they need, should they be listened to in any particular order? Because he listened to number one for the first whisper one. The answer to that is no.

And no, the podcasts I've got, you can listen to them in any order. So there's 300, I think this is number 395 of the Let Me Bore You to Sleep. There's no continuation for this.

The Deep Sleep Whisper ones, there's no continuation for any of them. And I'd say if anything, they probably got better with time. The ones that I've done more recently would possibly be better quality sound, and maybe better content, I don't know.

So yeah, there's no continuity in a sense. There is, as far as it's me, and with the Deep Sleep ones, and especially over the last year or so, I've been focusing on laying down, and your body automatically relaxes, and your head touches the pillow and your mind slows down. And that's something that I mentioned quite often in the Deep Sleep Whisper ones these days, but I don't think I mentioned it in the early ones.

So you can kind of dip in, dip in wherever you want. And hopefully, they'll be useful. I hope.

That's why I'm doing them. And so yeah, so that's... And the other question, I had one again from Paul saying, regarding the fear of dogs, do I have any hypnotic material that could use to help cure or help manage this fear? So Paul, what I'm going to do is look into that for you. I don't have anything as such for that specific issue.

But I'm going to look into... What I would say is the hypnosis of stress, anxiety, panic attacks, that podcast deals with fear and deals with stuff like that. Not specifically that stuff, but deals with helping you to reduce, you know, to increase your comfort, and to deal with stuff a little bit better, and may be useful. So yeah, maybe give that podcast a listen.

And it's broken up into sort of three sections. There's me where I just... Is it three sections? Four sections. There's me when I'm just talking randomly about a subject.

There's the ones where I do the relaxation, like a deep relaxation session. There's the ones where I do relaxation sessions with music, but it's the same session. Then there's the ones where I do a relaxation exercise.

And I've also posted some of my older recordings from the past that sort of fit together with that topic as well. So yeah, that's me done for today. I'm going to go.

And yeah, I think that's it. So I had some cheese on toast, and I realize it took over an hour to finish that message. But if Jen's still awake, hi Jen.

And hopefully you're asleep. Fast asleep. Fast asleep.

Go to sleep now. And I will be back tomorrow. So thank you for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Bye.