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Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. The clocks have just gone forward an hour, so it's 3.25 in the morning but it's really only 2.25. So... I'm tired.
I've been sleeping a lot lately. But anyway, I thought I'd share with you, I thought I'd share with you, I thought I would share with you probably the only, well, not interesting but eventful day that I'll have for a while I guess. I kind of hope, it depends on how you look at it.
In yesterday's recording I discussed the eventful day, the previous eventful day and it resulted in me realizing I'd left my medication that I'd just collected from the pharmacy in Iceland. And you might think, but how did you get there? I thought it stopped all the flights. No, it's, for those that didn't know, Iceland is a shop that sells predominantly frozen food but also other stuff.
There's a lot of freezers in there and it's run by, well, yeah, the man who started it is, he seems to be the retail version of the Ryanair person. They almost seem to have very similar personalities. So that was interesting.
But his son seems okay. But ultimately they're just, you know, they're just in it for the money, like all retail places. It's about money, isn't it? I'm sure they don't open up because they're wanting to help the world.
We can help the world by selling fish fingers. No, probably not. But they, anyway, I phoned them up yesterday and they said, oh, or the day before, Friday, and I said, I left my bag there.
I don't suppose you found my bag, did you? I left my bag. And she said, I'll answer you if you talk normally. I said, okay.
Did you find my bag? She said, oh yeah, what's your name? I said, what the hell has it got to do with you, what my name is? She said, I want to know what your name is. I said, why? She said, well, this is medication, you know. I need to know who you are before you can collect a big bag of medication.
You know, so that there's a name on the medication. What's your name? I said, I don't want to tell you. She said, no, you need to.
I said, I don't have to do anything. She said, you have to go to bed without your dinner. I said, I don't care.
I can't hear you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, can't hear you. No, no, no, no.
She said, you're very, very childish. I said, I know you are, but what am I? She said, can I just get your name? I said, yeah, it's Jason. And she said, hi, Jason.
I said, do you know me? She said, no. That's a bit weird way to say it. She said, no, I'm just practicing being friendly to idiots.
Well, oh, okay. She said, you can pop in now if you want and collect it. And I said, I couldn't face, I can't face coming back in today.
I've had, oh, oh, you wouldn't want to hear what's happened to me today. She said, you're right. I wouldn't want to hear it.
Bye-bye. And so I just, I went in Saturday, which is yesterday, which to me is still today because I'm still awake. I didn't want to go in and I was going to put it off till Monday.
I kind of wish I had now, but hey, there you go. I thought, well, you know, this is my medication. I really should collect it.
With the way things are going, who knows, the shop might be closed Monday, but you know, there's no way of knowing what's going to go on there next. So I went and collected my medication, got on the bus. I was the only person on the bus.
The bus turned up and just, it was quite weird because the bus driver looked bored, even more bored than normal. And the bus driver seemed to be even grumpier than normal. And maybe, maybe when all this stuff's over and all back to normal, bus drivers will start appreciating the customers and the passengers, even the annoying ones, because at least they'll have interaction.
Because at the moment, you know, the whole journey, there was no one on the bus, just me there. And the journey back, yeah, I think it's the same. I think it's just me back as well, just me.
So the journey there and the journey back, it's a different bus driver, different bus. And because the bus I get on goes all the way into town. So the one that comes back that I catch would have been probably about 20 minutes, 25 minutes after the one that I just had.
And it couldn't get into town and back in that time. Just get to town another 20 minutes, lovely. Well, probably quicker, actually, because of the lack of traffic and the lack of customers.
And yeah, so I get off the bus. And there's this road that you need to cross to get to Iceland. And it makes sense to walk up to the traffic crossing.
Because it's a really, really, really busy road. And it's difficult to cross sometimes. Not anymore.
I just walked, I could literally walk in the road and play hopscotch and stuff. It's just, you know, nothing going on. So I crossed the road, nearly got hit by a car.
Didn't expect that to happen. And then I crossed the road and there's a couple of people in the car park. I walk into Iceland.
And there's one person, no, there's one person on a till, one person being served. And I couldn't see anybody else in the shop. Apart from the staff that were just standing around.
And I said to, there's a bloke in there. It's really nice. I get on well with him.
And I said, just come to collect my medication. He said, oh, yeah, he went and got it. And then I had a little chat with him.
I said, what's going on? It's so quiet in here. He said, yeah, I know. Look, we've got our shelves are pretty much full compared to what they were.
And they've still got deliveries coming. But they're going to, if, and they don't, they don't deliver out of that store. They don't do deliveries.
So whatever comes into the warehouse is going to be stocked right up in the shop. And now people stop going out. And so I said to him, and I said, oh, I might as well get some water while I'm here.
And there were six bottles of water and I grabbed them. And I said, I'm not, I'm not a stock partner or anything. I'm just, it's what I normally get, which he knows.
I just normally get a few bits and bobs. That's all I got because I was there and he was fine with it. I said, take care.
Thanks for helping it. I go to the counter. There's a person in front of me being served.
There's no one behind. There's, I see one other person in the shop. I don't know where they are at this point.
I put my bottles on the conveyor belt. It's on the other side of the conveyor belt. So I'm nowhere near anybody.
I look for bags underneath the counter. There is no plastic bags, but I see them on the other till. So I walk over to the other till, get two carrier bags.
And in the time it took me to get two carrier bags, there was a man, a man putting his stuff onto the conveyor belt right behind mine. And I stood there. I didn't know where to go because we have to keep two meters away from each other.
I couldn't go through the front bit because there was a lady paying for her stuff. In retrospect, I think I should have just stayed, waited for her to finish and then just waited at the end, which I would do now if I thought about it. So I go around the back and I said, can you all stand, can you stand back please, mate? And he had a mask on.
I said, it's for you. He's elderly. I said, this is, this is for your sake, not mine.
I'm thinking of you. I'm not, you know, it's just, I know it's the law. It's actually, we have to do it, but it's like, come on mate, you're wearing a mask for a reason.
I'm sure it's not because you're, I'm sure you're beautiful underneath that mask. Come on. So he just, he moved back.
But he's, he couldn't move back far because right up his bum was a trolley. And there was another person suddenly out of nowhere, there's about 10 people queuing on this one till. And so I'm standing there trying to keep my distance between him and the lady who's paying ahead of me.
Right. So I'm, I'm in between both of them. The woman on the till starts having a go at me saying, you're supposed to stand on that red spot there on the floor, which was probably two foot away, maybe from where I was a bit further back.
I said, yeah, but then I'll be closer to that man there, won't I? Tell him, don't have a go at me, have a go at him. I mean, she shouldn't be having a go at anybody, but she was clearly having a moan. I know it's a difficult job, but to be fair, it was quiet.
It wasn't a difficult, you know, she was having quite a quiet day, but you know, been through a lot, the old retail people. So I do feel for that, but I won't have anyone moan at me. They've got a little rule for that.
But she was really huffy with it. Like, she's going to stand there. I said, look, I can't stand on that spot there.
First of all, I don't look down at the floors. I didn't see it there until just now that you pointed it out, but I am trying to keep my distance from both of these people. Therefore, by standing right in the middle is the distance.
It's the only way I can do it. She said, well, can you go back onto that step? I said, no, because then I'd be back in. He tried to move back.
He couldn't move back because he had the trolley behind him. No one else was in the, they were all squashed together. All the other people in the queue, there was no distance between any of them, really.
No more than would be any other time of the year. Exactly the same as any other time of the year. And I said to her, have a go at him.
Don't moan at me. It's not his fault either, but it's just, and as soon as she'd done that, as soon as the other one left, I sort of went right to the front of the queue, went right to the front and kind of said, oh, is this far enough away from you? Because she started over at me. She says, I'm just telling you because it's what I need to tell you and I'll tell everyone.
And she's just having a moment, really. Yeah, but I'm just explaining to you. And then as she's putting the water through, she says, you shouldn't be buying this much water.
You're only supposed to have two bottles of water per person. I said, well, okay, I'll put it back then. She said, don't worry.
No, I'm just telling you, you're not supposed to have it. I just said, you keep moaning at me. Stop moaning.
You're not as nice as the person that was here yesterday. As she said to me, you're much nicer yesterday. She said, I wasn't here yesterday.
I said, oh, that explains it then. I said, look, I'll put them back. I'll just take two and put them back.
I wasn't wanting to cause a fuss. You know, the bloke just told me that they've got loads of stock in and it was really quiet, you know, and there was hardly anybody in the shop. Suddenly there was a little queue, but there still wasn't anyone else in the shop.
You know, they all wanted to pay at the same time. On a Saturday, that place would be heathen. Like a normal average Saturday, the place would be full.
They'd have three tills on the go. Anyway, so she said, no, no, it's fine. You just put, you know, just next time.
I'm not going back in there again. No way. And so I put the bottles of water in the bag and then the young bloke who I'd been speaking to earlier came to help get onto another till to get the queue down.
And I said to him, ask your colleague here, didn't I say to you it's all right if I take these bottles? He nodded. I said, see, I told you, because I already told you that I'd spoken to the colleague and it was fine. I said, look, see, I'm not a liar.
Never called you a liar, sir. You still moaned at me though, didn't you? If you wanted to be moaned at, my friend said to me afterwards that you should have just said if you wanted to be moaned at, you'd have stayed at home or you came out to get away from being moaned at. But, you know, I do have a very moany ferret.
I wonder why he's always moaning at me. I think I'd be the moany one actually in a relationship. Never ever let anyone moan at me though.
That's been a rule in my life. It's a terrible rule really. But any ever, whenever I'm in a relationship, the first time they moan, I give the benefit of the doubt.
It's like, okay, this is a one-off. The deal's nearly broken, but it's not a deal-breaker yet. You know, there might have been a bereavement, there might, you know, something really, really bad's happened, which is causing this behaviour, which has resulted in moaning at me, the precious me.
If it happens again, gone. Bye, see ya. I used to, when I was younger, maybe it's bad, but when I was younger, I used to tell women that I'd meet, if you ever moan at me, that's the end of the relationship.
And it was. Always stuck to it. Usually.
Not always, but usually. I've got one girlfriend, she took my cup of tea before I'd finished with it, because she wanted to wash the cup up. And she moaned at me for taking too long to drink it.
End of relationship. It sounds a bit childish, doesn't it, when you say it out loud. I had one girlfriend, she said to me, phone me up.
On the Sunday, she said, I love you. I was doing a hypnosis course, I was in London, and she didn't like it when I went away. And, you know, I phoned her up and stuff, pretended to listen.
And she said to me, oh, I love you. And I said, I love you. You know, nothing's changed since yesterday.
I'm just in London. I'll be back later today. And then she phoned me up on Sunday evening.
And I'd had such a busy day. I said, look, I'm really, really tired. I've got to get up early for work tomorrow.
I've had a huge, really, really long day, because I had to leave. I had to get up at something like 5.30 in the morning to get to London. And I didn't go home until probably about nine.
So I was, you know, really tired. So I think that annoyed her that I didn't want to talk for hours. And in the morning, on the Monday, I phoned her up before going to work.
I said, you all right? Well, she phoned me. I said, no. I said, what's up? She said, I don't know how I feel about you.
I said, well, OK, then. Will you take care of yourself? Shall we find someone else? She said, I said, no, it's fine. It's, you know, it is what it is.
She said, but I thought you were the one. And I said, there's no such thing as a one. Don't be a little baby.
And that was the end of the relationship. Maybe I should have gone a bit more in depth into conversation and to see what was really going on. But I was only 47.
You know, I was a young, young man back then. That's a long time ago. But no, I don't.
Even with jobs, I can't even remember. I had a, I had this cleaning job in, on a council estate. And I really liked the job, actually, because it wasn't dirt.
It wasn't a dirty job. There was a lot of mopping and, you know, sweeping and stuff and general tidying up. But it was, it wasn't a clean job, but it wasn't a disgusting job.
I've had really dirty jobs over the years. And outside of sales, sales can be quite a dirty job, can't it? And I just, I got on really well with the people I worked with. We had the best laugh ever.
Really had a good time. We just all got on with our work. We worked hard.
Got to know some of the people that lived there. And I met someone and I started dating her. And I really liked the people I worked with.
And one day, one of the area supervisors from the council came down to check our work. And he came and got me and said, can you, can you come with me? I said, okay. I didn't really know who he was, but he told me who he was and he started picking up on problems that were wrong with what I was doing.
Saying I'd done it wrong and I needed to do this. And I said, okay. And then he went.
And I did what the bloke said. I redid it. Went back to the office because we had this little office underground.
It was actually like a janitor's office on the housing estate. Like a big, big council estate in London. And my supervisor, who I got really well with, he said to me, we're not going to see you again, are we? I said, what do you mean? He said, you told me when you first came here, if anyone ever moans at you, you're gone.
If anyone ever moans at you or tells you off, you're out of here. I said, yeah, it's true. I did tell you that.
I think he gave me a hug because that was indeed my last day because I was not going back. I wasn't sacked. I just would not put up with that.
Won't put up with it. No, won't have anybody tell me off. Had too much of it as a kid and putting up with it as an adult.
No way. No way. No.
So yeah, it's a shame though, because I could have been married and had kids and been in huge amounts of debt. And instead, I'm sure there's some positives with having kids. I don't know what they are, but a lot of people seem to like it.
So good luck to them. I think it's, I don't know what it's like. It's one of those things, you know, it's like skydiving or mountaineering or skiing, mountain bike riding, watching football.
You know, some people absolutely love it, love those things. It's something they really love. And I clasp being a parent in that same kind of category of something that some people, I never met anyone that loved it, but I'm sure there are people out there that do.
I've met many parents. Not many, not many that actually seem to enjoy being parents, but it's just something I don't understand. Can't really get my head around it.
I don't really get it. It's a little bit, a bit like that. Nothing against kids, because kids are great.
I was a kid once. I'm sure I was. When the aliens dropped me off, I was young and I grew into this.
And I'm still waiting for the aliens to come and collect me and take me home, but they haven't yet. But until that moment comes, I will continue to do these recordings. And then one day I would disappear.
And it was, what happened to that weird man that made those recordings and used to talk about not being moaned at? And he came out with so much rubbish. What the heck was he talking about half the time? I don't know. So I don't know where he went to.
He just disappeared. One minute he was down and then there was a big light in the sky. And then he says, Oh, I'm going home.
I'm going home. And then he disappeared. Well, he went out into the garden with his flip flops on and his little hat.
Oh, he liked that hat he did. Oh, he loved that hat. Oh, he used to wear it on his head.
He disappeared. He just disappeared. He just went.
Never saw him again. So yeah, when I was a kid, I used to look at the sky and wonder when they were coming back to collect me. I generally did.
I'm joking. I used to think that's kind of why I got into astronomy a little bit because I didn't feel that I belonged to this planet. Like I should be up there somewhere in a different, somewhere where I feel at home.
Somewhere where I can relate. You know, that's something I quite like. A place, I'm just drinking, a place where I could actually relate to the people around me.
And I never have been able to. I've been able to morph a little bit into, into it, you know, been able to learn to communicate with people. And it's a language, isn't it? It's just, I suppose, the same as learning to speak German or French or Chinese or whatever.
There's so many different languages. I can't go through all of them. Or Mexican.
Why do people in Mexico speak Spanish? Mexico is nowhere near Spain. Just a question. So I, why Spanish? Why not French? Why not German? Why not Egyptian? Why not Arabic? Why not Venezuelan? They speak Spanish as well, don't they? Why not, why not American? Considering that's kind of one of the closest places.
Why not Colombian? Why not one of the South American kind of, you know, languages? Why Spanish? Why Spanish? I realized all I've got to do is just Google it and I can get that information. But I can't be bothered. I can't be bothered to do it.
It's the all the way over there. And I'm all the way over there. And I just, I can just grasp it.
I can see in my mind's eye that I could raise to my feet and take probably one, two, three, four footsteps, turn around and sit down on the chair. And then I could reach over to the laptop and tip, top, tip, top, tip. Then I could start typing, find out the information that I required.
But I'm not that interested in the answer, really. But like learning a language, I think, learning, but then isn't, isn't, isn't learning social skills a learning, isn't it? It's not something we're born with the ability to do. But that, that feeling of just, feeling completely separate from other people, like completely separate, no real connection, not really.
Be friends with them. There's no connection. There's no, there's not really anybody that I would miss, you know? In a sense, there's nobody that I need to see.
Nobody that I feel, that I feel attached to. And Andre, I suppose, but I suppose, but no humans. I suppose I was attached to my grandmother to a certain extent.
We were blood brothers. No, we weren't. We were twins.
I don't know, but we weren't. We shared the same kidney. No, we didn't.
We, no, nothing else. That's it. No.
I want to do a book of my grandmother's wisdom. Jason, never force a fart. The other one, Jason, me.
Andre's making some weird noises. Andre, are you all right, baby? I just had to put you on pause then, because he was making a noise going, like that. So he's now inside my coat, not my coat, I've got a cardigan on, and he's inside the cardigan and he's asleep.
Is it because I said I was not attached to anyone? Did you cry? Oh, mate, you're the love of my life. If anything happened to you, that'd be it, mate. I love you.
You know I do. You know I do. I'm sorry if that was muffled.
I do apologize, but I'll try and edit it out. I just realized his tail was on the microwave. Microwave? Microphone.
Listen here, you're responsible for the noises. Yes, you are. Do you want to get down and do a wee-wee? Okay, there you go.
Yeah, I think he needs to go to the toilet. No, he's going back to bed. He doesn't know what to do.
He wants to go back to sleep, but he also needs to go to the toilet at the same time. So he's like, what shall I do first? So he's just done a quick wee, and now he's going back into his bed. So I basically woke him up.
So he was clearly dreaming and making some noises, but I just didn't want to... When I hear him making weird noises that sound different from normal, I have to check he's okay. I can't not. So maybe I do know what it's like to be a parent.
Yeah, maybe. Just not. We're human.
I'm just talking rubbish. I used to actually think I had a daughter, and I called... There's two girls I called them my goddaughters, but not really because their mother wouldn't allow me to be their godfather because I was a Buddhist. Because, you know, it means I'm going to hell, apparently, according to her.
But I was, I think, kind of like a father figure to the two girls. Kind of. I was very close to them.
And they were little. I'd known them since they were born. I'd known the mother since I was 17.
And I actually thought that one of them was my daughter. And she was probably about four, maybe five years old. Because I used to visit their mother every now and then.
And we didn't have a romantic relationship, but we used to get together every now and then and cuddle. Well, anyway, she gave me the impression that she was my daughter, that the little girl was my daughter. And she had an older sister, which was about 18 months older, who really loved me as well.
In fact, she probably liked me more than the other one. So for about a year, maybe longer, I was every weekend, maybe during the week as well, going around and being like a father figure to her and to her sister as well. And then eventually, I said, we need to do a DNA test.
I need to get this sorted. To find out for sure. And she's, because I remember it was the World Cup.
Or it might have been a European Cup. I'm pretty sure it was the World Cup. Because that makes sense.
The World Cup, so it'd be 2002. Yeah, summer 2002. So I went, I paid about £700 for a DNA test and had it all done.
And it came back and it was negative. Like she wasn't anything to do with me at all. And I remember I was just on my way to work.
And I just picked the mail up from the reception. And I just sat down on the floor. You know, my back against the wall.
I haven't done that since I was in the early 20s. You know, I usually kind of stand up these days. It's not because I'm worried about getting piles.
You know, sitting down on wet and cold concrete can give you piles and all that. And I think it's getting up off the floor, straining your bum. I think that's probably what gives you piles.
And then I stopped going around for a while. So I couldn't face going around there. And as I started, I felt, oh, I've just wasted the last year.
And it's not fair on her either. And, you know, I was planning, I was like, I'm going to get quite a fairly okay job. I thought I'll work hard, I'll get promoted.
I'm going to get a really nice place to live, get a driving licence, get maybe a two, three bedroom place. So one for a sister and one for her. And obviously bedroom for me, you know, just planning to include a sister and everything as well.
Because her sister absolutely loved me as well. I loved her as well. And so she would have been about six, six and a half, seven.
Anyway, that all, nothing happened there. Obviously nothing because she had nothing, no, nothing biological to do with me. So I'd really wanted to become positive.
I really wanted to say, yep, you're the daddy. And I didn't care about the cost. Didn't interest me because I was ready to devote everything to that little girl.
So maybe I do know a little bit about being a parent, even though she wasn't mine in the end. But I do know a little bit about, it's a long time ago though, but the idea of everything I did was going to be for her, you know, to give her a life, give her a different life to do another head and give her the things that... I think the main thing I kind of wanted to do was to get embed in her head that she can do anything that she puts her mind to.
Embed in her head that she's intelligent, that she has potential and, you know, to believe in herself without being arrogant or, you know, an arsehole, but to be, to really kind of go for something, have a goal, have a meaning, have a purpose and to go for that.
And for me to feel that I'll always be there for her, you know, and then I can, you know, make sure I've got enough money to send her to college and university and to get her a car when it's time, give her driving lessons. But, you know, I was going to set a bank account up for her so that she got paid out a certain amount when she was 18. I was thinking, try and get some kind of mortgage together for myself and then get her somewhere to live when she's ready to leave home, you know, get a mortgage, get a house for her or a flat and give that to her.
So I was really kind of thinking ahead. So, yeah, that was, it feels like, it doesn't matter how I could go, I could talk about the worst things in the world and it's nothing compared to what's going on outside, is it? So, the zombie apocalypse. See, that was weird.
So maybe I do know a little bit about how it feels, but I don't, do I? Yeah, not really. I don't know what it feels like to have a child, to actually, oh, I know, I know what it feels like to think I've got a child. And the ironic thing is, as she got older, I did start going around again.
I left, I probably left about three months. I just couldn't face going there. And she kept asking for me and eventually, well, both, both the little girls didn't.
Eventually I went back and it was okay. And I didn't visit as often, but did still visit. And as they got older, the little one, who's now in her 20s now, they're both in their 20s, probably middle 20s.
They've grown up, they've got kids and everything. But the little one didn't want to, couldn't be bothered to go out with me. Like to go to the cinema.
She used to like going to the cinema. Sometimes I'd take both of them out. Well, usually it'd be both of them, to be fair.
Or she'd be with her mum. I think hardly, not nearly took her out on her own. There was always someone with us.
And she stopped wanting to come out, but her sister always wanted to. So I got closer. I was already close with her sister, but I got closer with her sister.
And as they were teens, I used to take, spend time with her sister and go to the cinema, go to the Wimpy. Sometimes they'd both come. It was weird.
And then I tried to help her sister out when she got pregnant and offered to pay for the, offered to, you know, she sort of tried to help when she moved into a house. And I bought her a lawnmower. I don't know how useful that was, to be fair.
I bought her a mattress and used to sort of help her out, try and send her money when she needed it. But that was difficult because at that point I was unemployed. And now I don't see either of them.
Life. Because that's the thing. If you're not, if you're not, when that biological connection is not actually there, sometimes the, the whole connection just goes, just sort of disappears with time.
Time after time. Oh, it rhymes.Me, me, me, me.
Oh, I did today or yesterday. Well, actually this is Wednesday, I think. I ordered some stuff for my garden shed in my bedroom, which is going to be my recording studio.
Yeah. Yes. I've got soundproofing for it, but not enough.
Still waiting for a bunch had some stolen and I still waiting for that to come the stuff that's already been purchased so I think I've got another 12 to come 12 strips and then I thought of an idea I had an idea I thought you know what if I get some duct tape and start filling in some of the gaps in the wood and trying to seal the shed maybe that will keep the sound out so I ordered four duct tapes and I you know this is genuine I was really surprised to find out that
it's spelt differently to what I thought I thought it actually was duck tape as in quack quack it's not it's duct as in tear duct D-U-C-T did not know that and I got some spin wrap which for those are not sure what that is I don't think they call it spin wrap on Amazon but it's something that you wrap a pallet in so there's something you know if you got boxes is if you if you ever worked in retail or if you ever seen a pallet being loaded onto a lorry or off a lorry it's
wrapped with plastic plastic sheets and I spent years and years and years and years various different jobs using spin wrap of a wrapping pallets and so it's been a long time but I never thought I'd ever have one in my hand again I almost feel like you know a long a long time retired wren boy you know so I'm now in my 50s but oh wow I never thought this would happen again so it's a kind of I've got this thing in my hand and I'm I'm sure the ones I used to use were bigger
but not you know not 100% but I have wrapped thousands and thousands of pallets with spin wrap and we used to call it spin wrap because you would just spin it around something you could do it there'd be a machine that you could use you put it on a thing and you'd have a handle either side but for those in the know you could do it just by having your finger in each end so you have your finger in each hole and you just basically pull and you kind of have to even it out so
you've got your finger in each hole but you have to kind of move your hands so that it evens so that the plastic comes out at the same kind of at the same time that's probably not doing a very good visual of it but it's it's an art it's not an art but it's a skill that took me a little while to learn because when I first did I could never get the thing I just used to always come out uneven and it'd rip and it you know but eventually I just got brilliant at it
and I realized today that I've still got the skill still got it still know how to do it which surprised me I got two of these rolls came in today and the delivery came so right you know they knocked on the door yesterday and I said I saw the man outside I was in the kitchen I don't know getting a cup of coffee or something and I saw him come out of the van with a box so I just assumed it was for me and then the door knocked and I said could you just leave
it on the door leave it on the doorstep please thank you love you take care no honestly I do love you and he said okay and he went because it was Mario from the Mario Brothers okay okay yeah so fine he went stroking his moustache and when I unpacked it there was all that stuff in there and I thought I want to do this but I don't because I can't be bothered but it does need to be done and the whole idea in my head I've also got bubble wrap coming as well is I thought
you know what if I wrap enough stuff around the shed and seal it and keep rubbing just rub you know rolling stuff around it whether it's cling film but this is like stronger than cling film this is it's like a industrial cling film really so this I put soundproofing foam on the outside the ones I had left taped those on it's also taped up most of the shed up with duct tape to cover up the holes and the gaps and everything like that and then I spun wrap it about 20 times and I thought this
should make it quieter I had the radio playing in the bedroom so I thought I suppose the ideal situation would be that the radio wouldn't be heard but I suppose radios fit not loud but the radio was in my room the noises and sounds I'm trying to block out would be stuff from the garden the other side of the window down on the ground and I'm upstairs so it's never going to be as loud unless it's a drill or you know someone cutting the lawn or something like that or a cat so realistically I went
into it and I sat down I thought mmm and I thought I'd listen I could still hear the radio it wasn't the same volume at all it was probably knocked down by about a quarter which isn't really a lot I don't think but that might be enough to actually cut out the sound of the pigeons in the tree which appear about five o'clock four or five o'clock in the morning so if it cuts out that sound the sounds of the birds although I love the sounds of the birds but not everybody's the same and now
I like listening to the sounds I'm gonna keep going about this now I'm proper moaning today I like listening to the sounds of the birds as I go to sleep genuinely and I do it every day pretty much I fall asleep to the sounds of the birds it's a beautiful thing but there you go and I've had people moan about it yeah I like it but I just don't like the sounds of the birds wish I won't kill that bloody pigeon you know things like that over the years that's what I've had covered the same
pigeon follow me around four different addresses seriously I'm joking I never joke about such things like that not the important stuff and so I spent hours and hours today doing that or yesterday rather doing that hours and literally all all evening partly afternoon and all evening doing the shed and it doesn't look like a shed anymore from the outside it's basically black because I've got black spinwrap as well as black duct tape and there's black soundproof foam underneath as well so this whole shed now apart from the bottom that you can see is black so
the next thing I'm planning to do is well I've got I've got bubble wrap coming so my idea is to put bubble wrap stick that all around the outside stick it on with duct tape cover the hole of the outside with bubble wrap and just cut it to so it fits on each bit and then spin wrap around that as well and I hope that that will cut down any inside sound or sound from the outside even more I hope I don't know when the bubble wraps come yeah don't know when it's coming it might
not be for a week or two but I'm thinking that that will really make a difference but then I thought the bubble wrap would the spin wrap would make a difference a duct tape but I'm not sure it has I will need to get a light I'm not doing it tonight well I might do it later tomorrow when I get up but I need to put a light inside I'll probably just use my phone so I can see inside and maybe do some duct taping inside the place inside the shed and fill in any gaps
and I've also I've already got soundproofing sheets inside but it's not covering everywhere you know I need another 10 at least to really kind of to make sure everything's layered and everything's covered so that might make a difference once that's done but I'm hoping I'm thinking maybe before I go to bed because it's only what's the time 425 in the morning if I can maybe do a let me boy just know that deep sleep whisper and try out in the shed and see whether or not what I've done has somehow reduced the outside sound then
I know that I've it's been worth you know the work that I've done today or yesterday also early on in the week I was using poly filler to try and fill in gaps as well but I got through a whole tube really quickly so I realized then there's no way I can afford to buy lots of tubes and that stuff because it was it was just you know it wasn't really ideal or suitable but it's got to come a point where if you wrap something enough up and have enough layers that it will be sealed
it's just logic determines that doesn't it if you wrap something up enough eventually the outside won't be heard so that's my thinking and my logic whether or not mate it's real or just silly or not I don't know but that's my plan and I'm thinking maybe some of the sounds coming through the roof there's only like a small bit of wood quite a thin plank of wood hardboard or whatever on the roof so maybe I might try and put some carpet on there so to give you a visual I've got a garden shed in my
bedroom wrapped up with duct tape and plastic spinwrap sheets of plastics it's wrapped up like a pallet with possibly cardboard and carpet on the roof almost like a Mohican hairstyle it's possibly a strange strange way to do it but I need to think a way of finding it to do it do it cheap because the way I was doing it before it's just not it's just gonna take forever to get all the stuff together and I will even when I've got more soundproof strips I will put them on the outside you know if that thing's
gonna be solid but I want it to be usable as soon as possible because I've had it since the summer haven't I for quite a while but it's it's not very heavy so I can move it around myself which is quite good I was a little bit concerned because moving all the wood and all the stuff was a big job to get it from downstairs upstairs and then into the hallway there's a lot of stuff I know but actually when it's all put together I can just shift the shed around so that's quite good which
means I can get around it just about without having to move my bed up against the wall so I'm quite pleased with what I've done at least even if it hasn't worked how I'd like to have to have worked I put the effort in and I attempted and I think it's reduced the outside sound I think I'm pretty sure it has by something not sure by what but by something hundred percent and I want to keep that you know keep that positivity and keep adding to it and probably looking maybe not now but maybe in
the future get some old blankets from second-hand shop bring them home wash them and then start piling those on top as well and maybe or maybe putting them on duct tape and then you know into place and then put in the spin wrap around those as well or just piling the blankets on top and attaching them so they're all around you know maybe hammering them in or something because there's no reason for them to get dirty really unless Andre can climb up which he will he has a point if they reach anywhere near the floor
he will climb up all the way to the top which is fine but how does he get down you know that's the thing so I have to be careful honestly he will climb if there was a blanket from the top of the shed onto the floor he would climb all the way up and he'd keep falling off and keep starting again he'd keep falling off and he'd still keep doing it he can't quit once he starts has to keep going but then there's the things how does he get off because he doesn't know how to
get off once he's up there because it's really high for him I mean it's six foot yeah it's taller than me by the way to anyone out there that believes some of the stuff I say I'm not really six foot nine I do like to think that I don't know six foot nine probably six foot nine I'd be I think if I was six foot nine I pretty definitely would have had a different life I'd have been a sportsman because very it's not so much that I was sporty when I was a kid but I
was very physically fit like most kids are I I wasn't big enough to really do the sports like basketball you know I was very small child so if I'd have been a really tall child with that same kind of physical ability that I had but didn't really use until I started doing karate I could have played basketball yeah six foot nine especially if I'd have been six foot nine and still being slim I still had the same kind of body like really really skinny when I was young so if I'd have been six foot nine
skinny I could have been a boxer but a really low weight boxer so I'd have kind of be like a welterweight but a six foot nine welterweight someone at ten stone or something but six foot nine it's practically unheard of we think it is unheard of I don't think it's ever happened it's pretty much providing I was good I'm gonna win world titles because no one's gonna be able to hit me without a ladder because some of the boxes the really tall boxes that are low weights they have such an advantage and you know so
I think who was it that was really tall Michael Nunn he was a middleweight really tall and he was he was a real and also tall people have long arms it's just standard you know the taller you are the longer your arms are the longer your legs are you know my arms I've got a friend he's six foot I'm five eight his arms will be longer than mine there's no way they couldn't be unless I was distorted or you know had kind of unusual limbs so my arms are going to be shorter because I'm shorter
I think I don't know what my wingspan is I suppose I'd need someone to measure me yeah once I've asked people in the past but I usually get funny looks and they run out of the restaurant perhaps I should have pointed out there was my my arm length that I was looking for well if it's your arm length why why are your trousers down I've just been in it I got excited about my arm length I forgot to do me flies up me buttons and just didn't get dressed properly that's all I was in a
hurry in it I was in a hurry to get out the house to get me arms measured we all forget stuff sometimes you're so such a baby what's coming out with these excuses why don't moan at me remember what I told you don't all be moaned at yes what I said you're such a such a little baby don't be moaned at you're 49 years old isn't about time you started acting like an adult listen mate I am NOT an actor answer there I'm a hypnotist hmm you are under my spell yes you are oh yeah
now go to sleep go to sleep now go to sleep so yeah this has been another strange recording by the way that wasn't me farting that was the chair it was a chair farting yes so just take care of yourselves remember to be kind and so on because you deserve to be happy yes happy do something nice for yourself today or tomorrow every day in fact do one nice thing for yourself and I'm gonna go I'm gonna gonna go I'm gonna go now now yes I am I am I'm gonna go now go now bye
bye and sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.