#350 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (12th March 2020)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen and you can safely close your eyes. And the point of this podcast is for me to just bore you to sleep by talking about stuff.

Various different things that are actually really exciting to me but very boring to everyone else in the world. So that's pretty much what this recording is about, where it's aimed at. And just to update you in case you didn't listen to yesterday's or the last recording, the website jasonnewland.com is back up and running as it was before a few days ago.

It's all done, all back. Over 1500 recordings available free to stream and free to download with no adverts. It's a very groovy website, it's groovy.

Groovy upon groovy, almost sensually groovy. So yeah, have a visit, have a look, check it out. I've also added something that I'd already added and I've re-added what I deleted.

This is something that I'd previously added and they're the... if you go to my website and in the menu section there's the... there's three playlists... no, four playlists where they're set up so you can go there and play continuously. Of course no adverts but none of... nothing has adverts anymore. And the... they play continuously so you can just go on there, play the very first one and then it'll just go to the next one and the next one.

If that's... the reason why I did that is... why I put it back is because they were quite popular. They were getting quite a lot of visits when I put them up. It might have been because it didn't have any adverts but it might also been because it was continuous play.

So I put them back anyway. So yeah, that's it. Wow.

See, that was exciting, wasn't it? That was far from boring. I remember years and years ago, we're talking early 90s, there was... there was an article in the local newspaper from where I used to live. I was visiting family.

I was living in London and I was visiting family in this little town and the newspaper, the front cover was moaning about a celebrity other newspaper writer who'd slagged off the town for being boring in a national newspaper. So the headline was... well, basically, there was a picture of a brass band in the town centre and the headline was, we are far from boring, a picture of a brass band. I laughed.

There's nothing wrong with brass bands, they're beautiful things. They're not exciting though, you know. If you're going to use an example of excitement, it would be, I don't know, maybe lion taming, I don't know what, but not a brass band.

What's a step up from that would perhaps be a mime artist. Although I do like street theatre, so I'm not moaning about street theatre, but brass bands, they're not street theatre. They basically take up the whole area because of the sound, it's so loud.

But street theatre, and I don't know if it's still around, like in Covent Garden, London, Leicester Square. Beautiful, beautiful thing. People doing magic acts in the street and comedy acts, mime acts.

Brilliant. It's great for people who want to watch, it's great for like three types of people. It's great for the person who wants to perform, because they can perform there.

It's great for an audience who likes street theatre from all around the world. They can go there and they can watch this live act, standing there in their coats or jackets, you know, it might be in the summer, it's lovely in the summer. Stand there in the jackets and the coats or whatever, clothes, and they can get real close to the act and see it, you know, see the magic.

They're not stuck in a stuffy comedy club or nightclub or, you know, anything like that. So they can be out there in the fresh air watching this act. So I said to the third people that are really fortunate and can benefit from it, it's pickpockets.

Maybe the fourth people would be the police that catch the pickpockets. So yeah, so it's good, it's all good all rounder really. Yeah, so I think, I'd like to think my wallet, I kind of, I compare my wallet to my to my package.

It's not much of a bulge, you know, it's, I've rarely got my money. I've never had any money. So it's, I've never really been a target for pickpockets and I don't think anyone, even if I had a wallet with thousands of pounds sticking out of my back pocket, I don't think anybody's ever going to want to go near my bum.

So I think I'm safe there. So yeah, boring. So this Blimey, something just crashed and crumbled in the kitchen.

I've got no idea what it is, but I'm not going in there. I'm not going in there. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.

I wonder what it was. Anyway, I've made two recordings today already. I did a deep sleep whisper and a relaxation of stress and anxiety.

And that one was a long relaxation slash sleep recording. It's quite good actually, I think. I think both of them were quite good.

I don't normally say that about my recordings, but I've really got into the spirit of it. I was sitting in here. Andre was in the bedroom on date night.

So I closed the bedroom door so he couldn't get out. He was busy anyway. I closed this door in the living room and I sat down on the chair that's upright, which will eventually be inside the recording studio, the garden shed in my bedroom.

And there was the wind outside. And when I say outside, it's wind. There was the sound of the wind and a bit of rain, a bit of pattering on the windows, I hope.

That's what it was. There's still a bit of wind there as well. It's still weird as I say it, it suddenly becomes a little bit louder.

That's strange. Anyway, I, blimey, I can't believe I just started talking about it and I can hear it from both ends. That sounds weird.

I mean, from the kitchen window and from the window that I'm sitting next to in the living room. There's a bit of a gap in the kitchen window, so the wind gets in. And as far as I'm aware, I've got the windows closed here, but the curtains are still blowing.

So the wind is clearly getting through somehow. I don't know how. I've got no vents open or anything.

I don't have vents. I just opened the windows. I put them on the latch, you know, so you can't get in from outside, but they're still letting some air in.

So I like to air out the place. I always have since I've lived there. I like to air out the of the rooms.

Can't do so much in the kitchen because the kitchen window's broken or it's stiff. The bathroom windows just won't open, but I've got the extractor fan in there, so that's fine. The bedroom windows open fine, so that's good.

Never so pleased about that. And I just like to let a bit of air through. I think part of the reason is because previous place and other places I've been in have been damp, had mould and stuff.

So I'm determined that that's never going to happen here. Never, ever, ever, ever going to happen here. At all.

It's just not. I'm not going to allow it. It will not.

I'm very, very determined about that. I'm not determined about many things. Sometimes I feel determined that I'm going to go to the shops and get some shopping, but I don't know if that's a determination or just a kind of a requirement.

It doesn't really feel like a calling, like it's my life's mission. But not having mould isn't really a life's mission, but it's a definite requirement. It's a need.

It's a very existential need of mine to have a mould-free living quarters, accommodation. You know, sitting here over this end of the room, the room actually looks bigger. I mean, the rooms aren't big.

They aren't big, bigger than what I'm used to, but people listening might, if they looked at this room, might think, oh my goodness, that's not enough room to keep my cups and to keep my sugar and my, that's not even a pantry size. Where would I keep my shoes? You know, I mean, I don't know. It could be, it could be tiny to some people, or it could be really big to others.

I think if I was like six foot nine, this would be a small room. Or if there was more than one person here, it would be a small room. I don't think I could ever live with anyone.

I don't know if it's possible now. I thought I'd need, I'd need a big house or maybe bungalow, but a big, a big space. I think people living together need to, yeah.

I was watching 2.3, was it men? Two and a half men. And there was three people sitting on a sofa. And another person sat down on the sofa as well.

So there's four people all squashed together. What? I understand from a camera perspective, they probably needed, if they wanted everyone to be in the camera lens, they needed everyone to be on that sofa. But that would just be awful.

Can you imagine sitting on a sofa with another person? Imagine people sitting here listening thinking, well, yeah, I do that all the time. It's called having a relationship. It's called being human and being sociable.

Forgetting all that. It's called having kids. You have kids sitting next to you.

We've got a sofa. We've got two kids. We all sit on the same sofa.

I suppose when you're a kid, you don't have boundary issues, do you? And I suppose if you're a parent, you don't have boundary issues with your kids because they're part of you, aren't they? So it's different. Yeah, I guess that's a different thing. But I don't know because I don't have such things.

But I can't, you know, I've visited friends and they'll say, oh, come and sit here in the middle. No. And whenever someone, I've seen that at places where someone says, there's like three people sitting on a sofa and the person, you hear a voice say, is there room for a little one? And it's never a little one.

It's never a little person that's trying to get into that little gap. It's always someone like my size or even bigger. It's never like a tiny little person.

I just want once to look over, hear someone say, any room for a little one? And look over and it's like a two foot person that's sort of like climbing up the front of the sofa on a ladder or maybe holding on to a little balloon and being, you know, rising up so they can get onto the sofa, you know, something like that. Wearing a little freggled rock helmet. So it's just things like that.

I need things to change. So I'm quite pleased with getting the website back. And I'm determined to leave everything alone now.

I'm just gonna add new stuff. I'm not gonna bother trying to build the website up in different ways. I'm just gonna add the new recordings and that's it.

And then just keep doing that for the rest of the year. Keep making recordings. That's the plan.

It's a very simple, very, very simple plan. But that is the plan. To make two or three recordings a day.

I still need to make my sleep hypnosis weekly recording. But that won't be before I go to bed. It might be maybe tomorrow or maybe later today.

But I've not been very good with those as far as releasing them on a specific day. Which is a shame because I've got a nice audience there. I've got an audience to listen to those.

And perhaps I need to give more energy to that. To make sure that I... I'll tell you what it is. I'll tell you what it is.

Firstly, they're sleep sessions and they last for, I don't know, half an hour, 40 minutes, sometimes longer. And in order for me to do that I need a quiet time where there's no little ferret running around. No little ferret scratching at the door.

And no people in the garden. No cars. No, you know, I need quiet for that.

Because it's quite a long period to go without any background sound. And there's a, yeah, it's quite, it takes a lot of concentration as well to do that. And I do sometimes get distracted by background sounds.

Yesterday I made a let me, no, it's a relaxation for stress recording. And what did I call it? Don't Never Give Up, I think it was called. And Andre was really pushing his luck.

I'm talking really pushing his luck. Running around frantically, scratching the front door, running back, crinkling around in a carrier bag, jumping onto my chair, trying to knock stuff over off the table. I have to keep getting up and be moving him.

And then he was climbing on my leg, running, scratching at the door, running. Honestly, it's just, he did it for about half an hour and the recording lasted for about 50 minutes or 40, 45 minutes or something. It's only at the last 10 minutes where he was peaceful, when he'd gone to bed.

And he was distracting me from what I was doing. And I found myself getting angry when I was, you know, it's supposed to be a relaxation session, but I was really getting wound up with him. Because I don't care if he does that any other time.

It wouldn't even bother me hugely if he did it now, as much as I don't really want him to. But I know that Andre's got a lot of fans out there. So, you know, when people contact me, basically, usually say, send my love to Andre.

He's more popular than me. It's not fair. So if he makes an appearance on these recordings, it's, as long as he's not, you know, super noisy, then it's okay.

But yesterday he was, you know, it wasn't just sound, it was noise. It was chaos. And luckily, luckily, he's, he's calmed down a little bit today.

Kind of, I mean, he was a bit big, running around earlier, but now he's settled down. He's gone to sleep in a carrier bag. And he's just peaceful, which is good.

So I'll just leave him alone to do whatever he's doing. But I was glad to manage, blimey, I'm not, I'm not even exaggerating here. The wind just shook the building.

Seriously, that shouldn't be right, should it? You know that, if you've ever visited anyone that lives near a train station, or you live on a main road and a big lorry goes past and it shakes the house. That's what just happened then. There's no lorries going past this, lorries couldn't get down this road.

And the train is miles away. How weird. I should do this live and put it on Facebook.

Imagine the press if the whole house collapses on me. Today, an online hypnotist who does very boring recordings had a house collapse on him during the wind. He was alive initially, and the rescuers were trying to rescue him.

And he was talking to them and they kept falling asleep. Eventually he died. It took too long to rescue him.

Oh dear. I'll tell you what I did years ago. I shouldn't tell you that.

Okay, when I first learned hypnosis, I used to play with it. I used to test it out on people, but in a conversation, not to get them to do anything. But what I used to do is I used to kind of interrupt their thinking.

And sometimes I'd be talking to them. And then I'd start talking. And they'd just be staring at me.

And they'd go glassy eyed. And I'd be talking and I'd be talking about nothing. Pretty bit like this really.

But I just continue talking, continue talking. And not really any pauses, no full stops, just continuing to go on. And seeing them with their eyelids kind of flickering.

I didn't let them get to the point of their eyelids closing because I didn't want them falling over. And then I'd interrupt it by saying, God, it's cold in here, isn't it? Or ask them a question that's just so random. So when did you buy that motorbike? What motorbike? So yeah, I used to like playing around with it like that.

And I noticed that probably before I even got into hypnosis. People would just, they'd just zone out when I was talking to them. And I used to notice it.

I used to notice the eyes just almost like the eyes trying to keep the eyelids open. And that glazed, glazed look, almost like they were looking through me. Never really understood it.

I never really, really classed myself as being boring. But I've embraced it now. I've embraced it.

And I think boringness is just talking about something that another person's not interested in. And my interests. I think the only interest I've got that could be like a common interest where I could have a conversation with someone.

But not many people are as interested as I am in the subject. But boxing. I know people that say, I'm a fan of boxing.

But they don't know as much as I know about it. Because, you know, so I think some people get stuck in a certain era, in a certain decade. You know, some people are only like boxers.

Mike Tyson was the best heavyweight ever, or Ali was the best heavyweight, and no one's as good as him. Therefore, I'm going to ignore every heavyweight that's come since. Even though there's been some brilliant heavyweights, fighters.

I'm not like that. Some people are like that with music as well, aren't they? Don't like anything past 1981. What? Why limit yourself? I still hear music now that excites me.

That I think, wow, that's beautiful. That's brilliant. I love this song.

Even now, at my old age of 74, I still hear things. You know, I'm not, it might seem like I'm stuck in the past when I talk about stuff in the past. But that's because I'm talking about stuff from the past.

I can talk about stuff from the present. In fact, I'm going to do it, let me tell you about the albums I like. I'll tell you about the albums I like, the current albums I'm listening to.

So you can see that I'm not stuck in the past. So there's The Best of Madness, The Best of Duran Duran, The Best of Adam and the Ants, The Best of Madonna. Actually, not The Best of Madonna.

I'm going to contradict myself now. Because I used to absolutely love Madonna. I don't dislike her now.

I still, you know, still got fond memories. But I used to really love her music. It wasn't about how she looked.

Apart from in one video, Papa Don't Preach. That was the only video and that was probably my favourite. Papa Don't Preach and Boys Boys Boys by whatever her name was.

They were my two favourite videos of all time when I was younger. But I like Madonna's songs. I wasn't bothered about what she looked like.

And I liked her albums, every album she did up to Like a Prayer and including Like a Prayer, you know, so the first four albums, because she did one, I think was just Madonna. Second one was called Holiday, I think. Second one, True Blue.

And then Like a Prayer, which I think is the fourth album, I think. And then after that, I liked individual songs. I did actually buy the fifth album as well.

So I think it was the album for the film that she did with Sean Penn, I think. I think, because she did a few films, didn't she? But anyway, I, after that, I didn't buy her albums anymore. Because I liked individual songs, but I don't know, it's, she changed her music.

She made some really great music, even in the 90s and late 90s and stuff. But there was something about her early stuff. And for me, she peaked between True Blue and Like a Prayer, them two albums, were two of my favorite albums ever.

There's something special about those albums. And it might just be because it's the time of my life, the time, I wasn't having the time of my life, it's because of the time in my life. True Blue was when I was 16.

And Like a Prayer was when I was 18, or 19, 18. Yeah, 18. So I think that's probably what it was, because it's, it's an important time, I think, in a, in a person's life, those later teen years.

16, it's a time when you're kind of an adult. And some people might say, well, you're not an adult, you're not an adult, you're not an adultery rating. Well, if you can pay tax, you should be able to do everything else.

You're old enough to pay tax, you're old enough to do everything else. That's my, that's my thinking. And in my country, before anyone has a go saying, no, no, that's not right.

16 is the age for most things apart from, if you can have a mortgage at 16, you can't drive a car until you're 17. You can't smoke until you're 18. You can't buy cigarettes until you're 18, used to be 16.

You can't buy alcohol until you're 18. In America, it's 21, isn't it? What's that about? 21? Like people are really going to wait until they're 21 years old before they drink alcohol. Come on.

That's not even realistic, is it? It's amazing. So what other things can you not do until you're 18? I think that's about it. I think you might not be able to have loans without a guarantor.

I'll be saying that though, because I dated this 17 year old when I was 25. But she has to be 18. No, she didn't.

She had to be 16. England, England, 16. And I dated her.

But if it makes you feel any better, we didn't do anything until she was 18. Not through my choice. And she had a credit card and a mobile phone.

She was a student nurse. So she must have been able to get credit to have those two things before. But then to be a student nurse is a very high profile.

It's higher than, you know, it's high profile, isn't it? It's high profile studies. You know, you're studying to have a career in a job that's needed. You know, they're needed.

The government, I'm just going about how great nurses are. I do actually think nurses are great. Not all of them.

But not all pilots know how to land planes, do they? Doesn't mean that all pilots are rubbish. Most pilots clearly know how to fly a plane and know how to land a plane. But some seem to forget.

So I like nurses for what they do, you know, helping people. So I'd like to, I'd like to have been a nurse. If I could get my time back, I know I can't.

But if I could have, there's a couple of things I'd like to have done. If I could go back 20 years or 25 years to when I was 25, let's say. Or 25? Yeah, 25.

I would have liked to have maybe applied to become a nurse, maybe trained. I might have been capable, I don't know. I honestly don't know.

Another thing I think about that I could have quite liked to have done is to become a tube driver, you know, on the underground. And I didn't realise, and maybe I did enquire into it. But a person I was living with, my cousin's husband or boyfriend at the time, he was a manager of a tube station.

And he used to be a tube driver. He'd been doing it for like 30 odd years. Been working for the underground.

So I've no doubt that he could have got me a job, or at least put a good word in for me. But maybe there was something getting in the way. I have to say, he didn't like me.

It's hard to like someone who you share a toilet with, isn't it? And he, I think it might have actually been that I didn't have a driving licence, which I couldn't, I didn't think that would make any difference. Because let's face it, driving a train on the underground on a railway track is zero like driving a car. There's nothing to do with each other, are they? But they might have a rule that says you have to have a driving licence.

I didn't know, I didn't know. So that would have been quite a good job because they get paid really well. And back then, I'd have been earning some good money enough to probably get somewhere decent to live and you know, to have a good life.

Maybe get a mortgage in London. I was living in East London, so whatever place I bought would have gone up in price by a huge amount when the Olympic Games happened. And after that, I could have sold up and moved to another part of the country and been set up for life.

That's one thing I would have quite liked to have done. I quite like the idea of, and I didn't do it, but if I had stayed in the bakery. Because I got on really well with the manager and my like manager and also the overall manager.

So there was, there was basically shift managers. Then there was a manager that oversaw them. And then it was his older brother who oversaw the entire bakery.

And I think that if I'd have stuck around, I could have gone into being one of the managers quite quickly, you know, within a year or so, I reckon. And then I'd have been earning some good money. Also doing, you know, long hours as well.

So I could have got myself a flat, maybe then bought another one, got mortgages and the Olympic Games would come along and all the properties would go up in value. And to be fair though, this was 1991. I had no idea the Olympic Games were going to be there in 2012.

Didn't know that was going to happen. Did not know. Although I did know before that, before the Olympic, you know, we knew before the 2012.

I just didn't know quite so early. Another thing I could have liked to have done is making these recordings when I was in my twenties. Can you imagine that? I could have done it when I was funny.

How would it have just been? I don't know. I might, I don't know what it would have been like. I think if the internet had been around back then, my life would have been different because I'd have had access to stuff.

Oh, here he comes. Andre. Yeah, what are you looking at? What are you looking at? I love the way he just falls on his side.

Like, you know, a lion or a lion's been doing something very energetic and they just plonk down on their side. That's what he does. I don't know what he's doing.

He's doing something over there. Not sure what. I'm just going to do a poo now.

Did you hear that? He was straining, which he normally doesn't do, so I'm not quite sure why he's doing that. The weirdest thing about it is he was staring at me the whole time. I felt almost threatened.

It's like, this is what I'm going to do to you if you annoy me. I'm going to poo you out. It's like, oh, lovely.

He's been all right today, actually. He's been a little bit, you know, let me out, let me out. I want to go out.

But he, I don't know, I've given him a bit of attention. He's had a little cuddle and he was biting my toes earlier, which was annoying. I had my socks on.

He doesn't normally bite my toes when I've got my socks on, which is why I have my socks on when I'm in bed, if he's around so that he doesn't bite my toes. Now, I don't like having socks on in bed. I like to have my toes and feet out because it feels nice.

But he still bit my toes, even without having my socks off. I don't know why. I didn't know why he does stuff like that.

Very naughty. So I got paid today. I just, I just paid a catalogue and paid off.

What else did I pay off? Oh yeah, gas, electric bill. I just paid it all off straight away. That's what I do.

If I've got bills, I just have to pay them. I can't stand them hanging around. And the electric gas has been there for a week.

So of course, I didn't pay it straight away, but I couldn't. So I just paid it just now. And even when there's no money left, hardly, it just feels, there's a degree of like, oh, relief.

You know, it's done. The bill's paid. The electric and gas is done.

The catalogue's done. I can't, I don't, I'm not going to get any excess charges. It's a little bit less to pay, you know, off the catalogue.

And I don't, I've got to think about electric or gas bill for another month. Well, probably three weeks now, isn't it? I suppose. And the war bill comes in next month in April.

It's all okay. I need to get some food. I need to send those.

I've got three. It's just terrible. I had a competition.

And for anyone listening, Natalie, Boston, Rachel, who won these competitions. I've got the envelope. I've got everything now.

I just, I just need to pay for postage. So I'm going to try and do that tomorrow or Friday. Because I think, I think I might have let some people down.

I think someone might be disappointed in me that I didn't send it out. But I am sending them out 100%. You know, I actually purchased the disk drive things and the envelopes from online.

So I've got them. You know, it's just, I've not been able to send them yet. I would have done it last week, but I had extra expenses kind of out of the blue.

Well, the last two weeks, I never expected. But that, I'm determined, will not happen again. I'm determined, determined, very determined.

Oh, yeah. Very determined. Determined.

Oh, yeah. Very determined. Okay, I'll stop.

I'll stop. I'll stop. I've got to go on.

I'll stop. Don't know if I'm going to go to town tomorrow. I might just go and, yeah, I think what I'm going to do, I think what I'm going to do is go to the post office and post those things tomorrow, if I can, and just get some milk, possibly some tea cakes, because that's all I need.

I've got everything else I need to eat. I just don't have any milk. I haven't had any breakfast cereal for about three days, or two days, or coffee, or tea, because I've got no milk.

But once I've got some milk, I can then, then I can use milk. What I'm thinking of doing is getting some Coffee Mate. And I don't know if you've ever used this, but it's very sweet, and you put it in coffee, and it's it's kind of like milk for the coffee.

But it's also sweet, so you probably don't even need sugar. And I'm not saying this is where it started, but it's very useful for, I think, like offices and places where there's no milk, or there's no fridge, or where you want, you know, I'm guessing it's, can you hear that? That's a motorbike, isn't it, in the background. Can you imagine living near someone with a motorbike like that? Can you imagine living next door to someone at, and they're leaving their home at four o'clock in the morning, with a motorbike that sounds that loud from a distance? Imagine how, how much it sounds now.

You'd have to kill them, wouldn't you? There'd be no choice. You'd have to, you'd have to steal the motorbike, or do something. You couldn't allow that, could you, really? Wow, that just, that'd be awful.

You know, my granddad, you don't know him, he's, but anyway, when my dad was a teenager, him and his brothers had mopeds, scooters, because they were rockers. It was like mods and rockers, and it was a thing in the 60s. And they had scooters, and my granddad made them turn off their scooters at the end of the road, and push their scooter back to the house, so they didn't disturb the neighbours.

Now that is consideration, and I like that. I like that a lot. Now I don't like motorbikes.

I don't dislike motorbikes, but I don't like the really loud ones, for two reasons. Firstly, it upsets Andre. Actually, he's not scared of anything, but he is scared of the really loud sounds, like, you know, you know, like cars that sound like they're broken, but the idiot driver has actually made it sound like that themselves, because they've got the mental capacity of a four-year-old.

Well, he, that kind of thing, you know, or a motorbike that sparks, like, really loud, it makes him jump, and it scares him. I don't mind things that scare him, and also it scares me, makes me jump. But when I was at college, I was crossing at traffic lights, 8.30 in the morning.

I literally just started college, because I was travelling from a different town to get here, so it was back in 2007, October, probably, September, October. I was crossing traffic lights, and some prick starts his motorbike, he's at the traffic light, he's just sitting there waiting for the traffic lights to go, and we're crossing, and I literally jump. And also, I wanted so much to cut his head off.

It was, because it was embarrassing, I think I'll weed myself. I was just, I wanted to punch him, but, you know, you can't punch someone that's got a helmet on, because you'll break your hand. It's like trying to beat up Robocop.

But he did it on purpose, it's like, oh. It honestly, it gave me a start, it really is, I can't take that at my age. Even at that age, I was 36, 37, even then, now I'm 75, I can't.

By the way, when I'm talking about, you know, someone's got a loud motorbike, you've got to kill them, I was joking, don't, don't do that. But you might have to move. I think loud motorbikes, I just think loud people should just be removed from the country.

There's a lot of people that are, like, racist, and, oh, we should remove these people. I do think people should be removed, but only people that are inconsiderate. Inconsiderate people should be removed.

Everyone that's in prison, maybe not, I don't know, maybe not everybody, but, you know, it's just inconsiderate people, winds me up. I try and be considerate, I really do. And I've got new neighbours moving in, and I've got a punch bag here, and I'm not touched the punch bag at all, because I don't want to cause noise and, you know, disturbance, and I'm missing it, I'm missing, I'm missing my punch bag.

Well, I call my punch bag Doris, but, you know, I miss her, I miss her, and I just, I don't want to, the idea of disturbing someone actually upsets me, because I don't want to be that kind of a neighbour. I want to be a kind, gentle neighbour that doesn't have to talk to you. That's the kind of neighbour, it's like, hello, you all right? But not, are you all right, as in, you know, tell me about yourself, just hi, bye, and then maybe be there in an emergency.

That's what I think neighbours should be there for, I think. I think all humans, we should be there for each other in an emergency, but we can't always be there for other things, like continuous emotional support. I don't offer that service.

I've tried, and I just can't really do it, it's a bit too much for me. I mean, there's a reason, there's a reason why therapy sessions, counselling sessions, psychotherapy sessions, psychoanalytical sessions, there's a reason why those sessions last for 50 minutes. The therapy hour is 50 minutes for a reason.

It's because any longer than that, it's too long to be sitting listening to someone's problems. It's too long. It's not because you don't care, or whatever, it's just, it's too long just to have someone for hours going on and on and on and on.

I can't do it. It's not because I don't want to, although I don't want to, but it's just, I just, yeah, it's just not really me. It never was me.

Why did I pretend it was? Why did I try and, I tried to be something I wasn't, something I knew I wasn't. That's the fakeness, isn't it? That's me being fake, constantly fake. Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake.

So, I've done the recordings. This is the third one today. I don't feel tired.

And it's, what time is it? 4.39 in the morning. I'm not tired, so I'm not going to go to bed. But I don't want to go to the garage because I've decided I'm never going there again, which is a shame because they do sell milk.

Although, ah, I didn't think about it, did I? There's a farm shop nearby. I can go there and get milk. Yeah, man.

I don't know though. I like the purified milk, the one that's, um, but not normal milk. I don't like milk with fat in it.

It's not to do with being on a, on a diet, as you would clearly see if you could look at me. It's more to do with the taste. And I like milk, but I like it.

I don't, I don't drink milk as a drink. It's, it's an accompaniment to the breakfast. It's, but I basically use it to make my breakfast soggy.

That's kind of, that's not what everyone uses milk for, isn't it? It's all for breakfast. It's to make it soggy because it's too dry to eat. Otherwise I'd eat, I'd eat album without milk if I could, but that would be like eating dust, literally.

So, you know, and I've tried it with water. I have, and if you do it with water, you're basically making cement. The same as if you try ready break or porridge with water, cement doesn't work.

So I, yeah, that's why I don't need thick, creamy milk. Not my thing. Not my cup of tea or cup of milk.

Though I used to drink a pint of milk every single evening and probably every lunchtime as well, because I like milk and I was trying to keep myself healthy. I brought up to believe that milk was good for health and stuff. And also I was trying to put some weight on because I was so slim.

I was so skinny. I wasn't slim, I was skinny. I was really, really skinny.

I was underweight, undernourished, which I probably wasn't undernourished because I was eating. So undernourished doesn't make sense. If you're eating, then you're eating, aren't you? I never went without food.

I never went hungry. Well, sometimes, but generally not. Not for any sort of great period of time.

I worked in places where I could get food, usually. Or I took sandwiches. Clearly I didn't go hungry because I'm here.

I didn't go hungry for any great deal of time. I had my own moments. I remember once I went, I think, five days on a jar of jam.

I think you call it jelly in America, but jam. Jar of jam and a packet of crackers. And that lasted me, I think, for four days, maybe five.

Yeah, four days. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Four days on that.

That's all I had. Also, you know, tap water. Why didn't I ask to borrow any money? Isn't it weird? Yet, everyone I seem to know now has no problem asking to borrow money.

It's like it's second nature. And even I'm more able to ask to borrow money now than I ever was. For me, back then in the past, borrowing money was embarrassing.

It was like a greedy, low-life thing to do, in my mind, to ask to borrow money. Maybe it was a pride thing. Silly, really, because I should have asked to borrow money.

I wouldn't sit here without any food now. I sit here with very little sometimes, but never with nothing. Jar of jam and a packet of crackers? No way.

I'd just knock on people's doors and say, with a bowl, I'll beg. I don't care. I'll sit on the streets now and beg.

I've got no pride anymore. No pride. There's no room for pride.

The ironic thing is, I was in the YMCA at the time when I did that. It was 2002. And I found out later that there was actually a restaurant downstairs where people that lived there could eat for a pound a meal.

And they would have been happy for me to have had a meal for a week and paid them at the end of the week. So I could have eaten twice a day, or three times even at breakfast, and they'd have fed me. And I knew I would have owed them £12 for those four days altogether.

I didn't know they had a gym. They had a laundry place that you could go. They had a bar as well.

They even had a bar down there. I didn't know there was a bar down there. A big pub, loads of tables and stuff with a bar.

As well as a restaurant. How did I not know this was here? Anyway, the thing is, when I found out about the bar, it was too late because I wasn't drinking that year. It was 2004.

And I'd stopped drinking. And that was too late for me. I could have been down there every night drinking.

Alcohol. Wish I was there now. I don't.

I really don't. No. Although I did like the studio flat that I had.

I had three when I lived there. Eventually I moved into one right at the top of the building. It was nice.

It was really comfortable. But it's just noisy neighbours. It's constant.

I think sometimes if you've got people that aren't working, because I was working, but if there's people there that aren't working, I suppose a bit like me now, is they live different lifestyles. And if they're ignorant and inconsiderate, like most people seem to be, then loud music, shaking the building is something that seems to come with the territory. And I've experienced it so many times.

I'm talking beyond measure. Well, nothing's beyond measure, is it? But maybe the universe. So yeah, I had to move out of there again as well.

I moved out a few places because of the noise. I actually complained about them. And I started getting knocks on my door.

I could see through the keel. I thought, I don't like the look of them. They ain't coming in here.

So they clearly didn't like being complained about. And it's ironic because listening to it, you could hear the door being knocked. So I'd phone up.

It'd be three o'clock in the morning. I'd phone a reception. I think they had security or whatever.

So I looked at the flat underneath me. It's just making, they're playing music really loud. Can you tell them to shut up? Can you turn it down, please? And I'd say, all right.

And I'd hear bang, knock, knock, knock. And I'd answer the door. You'd hear the music playing.

Can you turn the music down, please? Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. Turn the music down.

And you can literally just count the minutes, knowing that it's going to be turned back up again. It's predictable. It's ridiculously predictable.

And it's always the same. I don't know where people learn it. Must learn it from somewhere.

I don't know. That's why I've got headphones. I like to listen to loud music sometimes.

But I've got headphones to listen to through, you know? If I was in a self-contained, no neighbours environment, detached cottage with no neighbours, I would have the music. I'd still have the music at the same level as normal, quiet. But occasionally I'd have it loud.

You know, occasionally. But I still wouldn't slam doors. Still close doors quietly.

Don't see a reason to slam doors. Some people can't help it. I guess it's just different people care about different things, I suppose.

Maybe I'm a little bit sensitive. Maybe. Possibly.

Definitely. Undoubtedly. Blah blah.

I'd like to get a motorbike. I like the idea of disturbing the neighbours early in the morning. Going for early morning bike rides.

Yeah. I think it would be good if cars or bikes, if they went above a certain decimal, the vehicle just exploded. I don't know.

It just seems like quite a nice little gadget to have. But I don't know if people would invest in it for themselves, would they? That's probably more like a Christmas present to buy someone, isn't it? I've got a little gadget for your car engine. Oh, that's nice.

What does it do? Oh, it just makes your engine louder, even louder. So when it's really loud, it makes it even louder. And then they go out, go really, you know, and then the engine goes really loud and then the car explodes.

And you've got the parents saying, but you, that gadget you put on his engine, you said it's just going to make his car louder. And you can honestly answer, well, isn't that what it did? That explosion was definitely louder than a car. And everyone would be laughing.

All right, so I'm going to go, thank you for listening. Remember to be kind. After all that, be kind to yourself.

As long as you don't have a motorbike that's really loud, be kind to yourself. You do deserve to be happy, but do something nice for yourself today. So if you do have a really loud motorbike that disturbs the neighbours, get that motorbike crushed, get it destroyed and, I don't know, pay for a bus pass or something.

So thank you for listening. Take care. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.