#340 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (27th February 2020)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Please subscribe if you wanna.

And just let you know when the latest recording is coming up. And also just to let you know that my brother, my little bruv bruv, is going to be, he's a web designer. Builds websites.

And I say little, he's not, he's not young, but he's eight years younger than me. But he's a proper whiz kid. Proper whiz with technology and IT and stuff.

He's an IT expert. But he's going to be kind of launching his own business, possibly. So, our baby promoted it on here.

Lots and lots of promotion, just sort of mentioning it. So anyone who's looking to start a website and has kind of no knowledge of it or hasn't got the time to sort of do it themselves, he'll be able to build you a website. But I'm not going to give you any details of where to contact him because I can't be bothered.

Yeah. But he is, he's, yeah, so he, I'll let you know when he's, if he wants to do it, if he kind of wants me to promote it. So I'll just mention it at the beginning of the recording.

He's not giving me any money for it. It's just, it will help him out. And for those, because, you know, not everybody's got the, the inclination to sort of learn how to do it themselves.

And I can understand that because, you know, it's very time consuming. I've built websites myself since 2000. So, you know, 20 years I've been building websites and, excuse me, I, I've spent way too much of my life learning how to do that stuff.

Very, you know, I'd much prefer now to spend the time making recordings and learning, you know, new, updated knowledge on website stuff. So, yeah, I think I was really building websites before he was, but he really, you know, he became a professional doing it. So I still know more than him.

No, I don't, I really don't. I, I know a few bits, but I know enough to get by. So what was I going to say? Oh, here's a weird thing.

Oh, here's, it's a bit chilly today. It's about four, what's the time? 5.31 in the morning. And I went and had a little nap.

I don't even know what time it was. I genuinely don't know what time it was, but I think I was in bed for about five or six hours. Didn't mean to be.

I just went for a little nap and woke up at half four. I was like, oh, what's going on here? Because I like to make my recordings early in the evening, like not early in the morning, rather. About one, two o'clock, three o'clock, four o'clock rock, five o'clock, six o'clock, seven o'clock rock.

I'll hear something. Like when I was, you know, when you're a kid and you remember song, well, I remember songs and I remember hearing the Bill Haley and the Comets' Rock Around the Clock. Now, Rock Around the Clock was the fifties.

For those who probably know that anyway, but you know, Rock Around the Clock was before Elvis and they were classed as the kind of the creators. I think they were kind of classed as the first rock and rollers. And I remember hearing them on the radio a lot in the early seventies, probably about 1974, 75, 76, something like that.

I couldn't figure out why would I be hearing it a lot on the radio when I've known, you know, most of my life that it's from the fifties. You know, they're famous for being the fifties kind of rock and roll icons. One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock, five o'clock, six o'clock, seven o'clock rock, eight o'clock, nine o'clock rock, I want to rock around the clock tonight.

Wasn't it the theme tune for, no, Happy Days. These happy days, oh, you know, one, two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock, five o'clock, six o'clock, seven o'clock, eight o'clock, we're going to rock around the clock tonight. These happy days are yours and mine.

These happy days are yours and mine. I don't know, but yeah. So what I did, I went online and I discovered it was re-released in the seventies, about 76, something like that.

And I think it might've even gone to number one, which explains why it was on the radio so much. Isn't it weird? So I just had this memory of being in Southend, in Nazareth House Children's Home, that's where I was at the time, run by a Catholic nuns. And I remember, I don't know why, I was surprised they had the radio on, because from my knowledge, I didn't think that it would be a place that would have a radio on, but there was this big room.

Oh, wait, Andre's decided to wake up. He's now grabbing his girlfriend. Well, now he's gone to her son to eat.

No, he's decided he doesn't want to eat anything. Now he's sniffing the carpet. He's sniffing the carpet.

A particular place, no, now he's running off. Now he's gone into the kitchen. No, now he's scratching at the bathroom door.

Now he's climbing through his little, well, it's a big long tube in the hallway, the length of the hallway. So this might be one of those recordings where you hear him in the background. And I'm guessing he's going to be scratching at the door any second, the front door.

Is he scratching yet? No, not yet. I'm hoping what he's going to do, it sounds like he might be trying to climb onto the bed, because sometimes he misses it. He doesn't miss the bed because it's quite big, but he jumps up and he can't get up.

But then there is a way he can get up from the back because there's some dirty washing on the floor and he climbs up that, like a little dirty ladder really, I guess. And he doesn't have, because he's a lot bigger, he doesn't have the same abilities that he had when he was little or when he was younger. For some reason, like climbing is not quite his thing because I guess he's heavier.

So climbing onto the bed, he can do it, but it's all down to determination with him. If he's not, if he's kind of, if he's half bothered, if he's like, I want to get on the bed, but I don't care that much about it. And he'll jump up and maybe he, he doesn't make it on the first attempt.

He might just want to just walk off. However, when he's in the frame of mind of determination, he never quits. And lately he's been in that frame of mind, been scratching at the front door continuously, continuously.

And also he's been climbing up my leg, which he rarely does now because it takes effort to climb all the way up. Instead, normally what he does, he just puts his hand up for me to pick him up, which I do, you know, it's kind of, it's fine. But now he's not even waiting for that.

He's just climbing straight up my leg and sort of looking at me like, do what I want you to do, daddy. Even though I'm not sure what it is I want you to do, but I have energy and I need you to do something, but I don't know what it is. And I can't communicate to you what it is because you cannot talk.

So yeah, it's a little bit frustrating because, I mean, part of me, part of me enjoys his suffering, but I'm joking, part, he's so naughty at the moment, but I take him out and he loves being outside. What did I just whistle then? He loves being outside, but I can't continuously take him outside all the time. Plus it's cold out there at the moment.

It's cold in here right now. I've got the heating's just come on. And yeah, I don't know.

I don't know what to do. Plus it's dark a lot of the time because it's still only February and it's getting lighter, sort of earlier and staying lighter later, which is good. It's just, I don't want to be walking around with him all the time because I just don't, I'm not in the weather.

When it's, when there's no weather, I don't mind. But when there's weather, eee, eee, you know? So what I was going to say, right, um, actually, I don't know if it was earlier today or last night or whenever, because I've been sleeping quite a bit. I go through periods when I sleep a lot and other periods when I don't sleep as much.

It's not due to sleep. It's just due to other things. I just, just sometimes I got way more energy than others.

It's just the way it is. And I'm taking medication for it. Mmm.

Yeah. Which then makes me feel tired. So I was doing a recording, this, not this recording, but a, um, someone, someone, um, abbreviated the other day.

L, B, L, B, L, M, B, Y, T, S. Let me bore you to sleep. Let L, M, B, Y, T, S. I mean, so to be fair, it would, it would be harder for me to try and figure out what the first letters were than to actually just type in the whole, the whole title. But L, B, T. So what am I, uh, L, let me bore you, L, B, T, X, Q, R, L, L, B, L, M, L, M, B, Y. I don't want to start getting muddled up with some of the other, um, uh, bunches of letters that are used to describe groups of people.

So I kind of, yeah, L, B, I should have got a smaller title, an easier one, shouldn't I? Just, just called it Boring, B, The Boring Podcast. Although there might be one called The Boring Podcast. I'm not sure really.

So I was going to do some shout outs for some people, but I can't be bothered. Uh, let me have a look. I would do a shout out to all the people in England who are going through floods at the moment and just send love to you all because there's a lot of flooding in, I say England, I mean, it might be also other parts of the UK as well, like Scotland, Wales, I think Wales possibly.

Can you hear him now? So he's got his girlfriend, which is the, uh, the slipper. That's, that's his girlfriend's head and he gets something else for the body, like a plastic bag or, which seems to be what he's doing here. Sometimes it's some dirty, some dirty underpants of mine.

It's really grim, really. But I don't know why I need to do it right near me though. You know, right now, right near me.

These is like inches as well. So inches away, like everything's inches away, isn't it? It's just depending on how many inches. The Antarctic is inches away.

Just lots and lots and lots of inches. Oh, oh good. He's taken it into the bedroom.

No, he's not. He's taken it into the bath, into the kitchen. He's taken his girlfriend.

When I said it, I wasn't being sexist there, but it's a slipper. To be fair, it might be a male slipper. I'm, am I to, to make those presumptions? And, uh, you know, I, um, I had to dry it out on the radiator, the slipper, because he, he'd round it.

I think he had a domestic. I found the slipper in his big bowl of water a couple of days ago. And so all I can say is it must be kind of a crime of passion or something.

It's horrible like that. So I had to dry it out, put it onto the radiator. And, uh, so he must've had an argument.

I didn't hear anything. And then I had to, this is, this is something, oh man, I had to drain, I got rid of the water out of his water, drinking water. And it was a color that I can't even explain or describe.

It was a color that shouldn't exist. The dirt and it's just, oh, that came out of that slipper. It was just phenomenal.

So, you know, I cleaned out the bowl and he's now got it back there. It's basically a dirt tray for cats. So it's a big, got a big, it's blue, got a big side and a little dip at the front where a cat could get in there and do a toilet.

And I got it for Andre, thinking that he'd use it, but he never used it. I put, uh, the cat litter in there. I've stuck it in the corner of the room.

This is about two years ago, maybe three. And he refused, wouldn't go anywhere near it. So I just emptied it.

I stuck it in the cupboard. And then a couple of years ago, it was in the summer and I thought, I need something that he can dip his face into. Because something that he could kind of maybe, or even stand in.

That's what I was kind of thinking. Maybe he can cool himself off by standing in it and getting a, you know, like a bird bath, a ferret bath. And so I thought, I'll use that.

Never been used, completely clean. Never, you know, never used it. So I put water in it and he doesn't like water as far as washing.

So he doesn't get into the, he doesn't actually get into it, but he does dip his head underneath his chin. His chin's all wet. It's really cute actually.

And he drinks out of it. And he does that. So, because he's not in the cage anymore.

So he hasn't got his drinking bottle that he used to drink from the cage. So in a way I said, well, you know what? In real life, he wouldn't have a with a little tube, which had a little ball with it. You know, he'd have to push and the water would come out into his mouth every time you like pushed on the ball, you know, the metal thing.

He would have water that he would drink out of, wouldn't he? In reality, out of a ditch or a lake or a pond or something. So that's what he's got here. He's got water that he can just drink out of.

And he seems happy now. He's with that. And yeah, he's also got a saucepan full of water as well.

And the only reason he's got that is because I put that there for the dog. When I looked after my friend's dog, I put the saucepan of water because it's a bit more suitable for a dog than the other thing. And I think what I do is I put, I have to keep them separate.

So I put his blue, Andre's blue thing with water into the bedroom with his food and I kept the dog in the living room with me. And I've got a saucepan full of water, which the dog was happy with. Although he did want to go and play with Andre.

But Andre bites him. So it's not, it doesn't really work. It's, it's quite an abusive little ferret, isn't he? I think he needs therapy.

He's definitely got problems, anger issues. And I left the saucepan out and Andre loves the saucepan because he gets into it and he dips his head right in there, which is weird. This, I don't know, maybe it's a challenge of sort of climbing onto the saucepan or something.

So now I leave both of them out. So I changed the water in both. So he's got, he uses a blue one most of all, but sometimes he seems to really love the saucepan for some reason.

So this is a very strange environment in some ways. I had my friend's, here's a weird one. I had my ex-girlfriend's boyfriend come around the other day and basically she was meeting up with me, with him.

They were both meeting up with me. I haven't, I saw her probably a year ago, but I hadn't seen her for, since 2007, the beginning of 2007 until last year. But we'd been talking on the phone regularly the whole time.

We just stayed, stayed good friends. And which is probably how it should have always been, to be fair. I don't, we probably shouldn't have got involved.

It was, but it's not a way of knowing, is it? Unless you try, I suppose. So I kept friends with her and then she's now engaged to this bloke and he's lovely. And I spoke to him quite a few times because she, I don't know why, I don't know if this is a new trend, but it seems that some people seem to love to use loudspeaker.

So my dad does that as well. You know, I'll be saying, you all right? And I house, house step-mom and he says, oh, she can hear you. Well, you should tell people when you're a loudspeaker, is what I think to myself.

Because I don't say it to him, but it's true. You should, you should just put it on loudspeaker and not tell anyone. You have to tell the person.

I remember once I actually phoned up my friend and normally with this particular friend of mine, I'm quite rude, just like playing around. But the first thing I said to her is, oh, what are you wearing? Well, something like, got any panties on? Just, it's just, she says the same things. I didn't say that.

It does sound rude when I say it out loud, but she says the same thing as well, but she's probably ruder, you know? What are you doing? You know, you got all the hands free for a reason, you know, that kind of. And she said, my parents are in the back of the car. I said, okay, perhaps you should have told me that before we started the conversation.

And this person was someone I was actually, she wasn't, I think she was someone I was dating actually, so it wasn't just a friend. And this is a different person to the one I was mentioning. So another time, this, I have, I've got certain relationships with people where I'm just, you know, I was talking on the phone to someone, my girlfriend, this was a decade and years ago, and the phone hung up, the hung up, her, well, the phone disconnected.

I was on a landline, this was when I was in the Buddhist community, and she was on her phone. Well, I don't know if landline or mobile. I did have a, I did have a mobile, but I just didn't want her to know the number.

And she, no, I did, she did have it, but it's, it was, I think I probably phoned her. Anyway, the phone cut out. And then probably 30 seconds later, the phone rang again.

So I answer this, I answer the phone rudely, you know, like jokingly rudely, like, where the F, where the F is this? And it wasn't her. It was a Buddhist, ordained Buddhist that was wanting to speak to one of the other order members that lived in my place. And they were kind of, not monks, but they were order members, they'd been ordained into, into the Buddhism and that.

And, and she was really rude to me. She said, how dare you speak to me like this? I said, look, I thought you was someone else. I was literally in the middle of a conversation with my girlfriend.

We got disconnected. And I thought that was her. And she said, and she, she started going into one.

So I just told her to go away, very impolitely, actually. But if you ever go up now, I'll give you a hundred times more. So that's just kind of the way it used to be.

Not, not so much now, because I'm lovely now. But she, and I handed her over to, I chucked the phone at my friend. Well, I handed the phone to my friend.

Well, I, I didn't chuck it at him, but I kind of, because he was my friend, I gave it to him. And I said, tell her to go, to go wherever herself. Talk to me like that.

And he was laughing. That's the thing about it. He was laughing.

And because he, he saw what, what happened from my side and he heard what I said to her, but he didn't hear what she said to me. And yeah, we never really, me and her never really got our relationship back. This lady, she didn't talk to me after that.

But I don't know, I don't, she was talking down to me. There's something about being talked down to that's, and I said this for years and people don't always believe, especially with the Buddhists and that, but, or any kind of hierarchy system. And I said this 10, 15 years ago to someone, I said, no, it's not true.

I said, look, if you spend your whole life having people looking up to you, there is a chance that you'll end up looking down at those people. You know, it's in a sense of, physically, if you're really, really tall, people have to look up to see you. You have to look down to see them.

If someone's talking up to you, like you're something special, like you're something, someone more important than them, then eventually there's a chance, I'm not saying it's going to happen, but there's a chance that you might start to believe that you are more important than those around you. And if you're in that position, and then start to talk down to other people in that way, just like I'm sure a prime minister does, or a member of the royal family would probably do to their servants, servants, to their staff. You know, when you've got that kind of hierarchy going on, that's why I don't have a hierarchy other than Andre is my boss.

Andre is in charge. That's the only hierarchy I have. No one else tells me what to do except him.

My life is controlled by a ferret, but that's okay. And so this lady's boyfriend, my ex-girlfriend from many years ago, my friend, she's my friend now, her boyfriend came in there because they were both coming in there separately, and we were going to go and have something to eat. This was Friday, last Friday, I think.

And they were buying me lunch. I checked that. I said, you are paying for the dinner, aren't you? She said, yes.

I said, good. She said, why? I said, well, first of all, I've got no money. Secondly, if you're paying and you don't know the area, I can take us to somewhere that's expensive.

She said, what? I said, well, yeah, if you're paying, I've got to repeat it. Did you not hear me the first time? She said, don't be rude. I said, okay, sorry.

I said, we'll go somewhere that's expensive. She said, I don't want to go somewhere expensive. Last time she came down, she wanted to go to McDonald's.

I said, no, I haven't seen you for like 16 years or whatever, how many years it is. And you're buying me dinner. I'm not going to McDonald's.

I go to McDonald's. It's very rare. But the only reason is because it's cheap.

It's one step above eating out of a bin. It's just cheap, crappy food and with probably very little nutritional value, which is fine. But so, you know, and it tastes fairly okay.

Come on, McDonald's, sue me. One, it's only one step above eating out of a bin, a public trash bin. Come on, sue me.

Take all my belongings. Oh, dear. Oh, if he came in, he's like, okay, we're going to take all your belongings.

Where are they? Jason, where are your belongings? You're looking at them. This is it. My belongings are online.

My belongings in my brain. My belongings are my words. There is nothing else.

You can take away all my belongings. My books, I still know what's in them. Still got the knowledge.

Still got the information. Can't take away my life. You can't take away the... I don't mean that way, but my memory is still there for certain things.

Not for everything, though. Yeah, I went through quite a bit of... You probably hit notice, I don't mention too much about my 20s because I don't remember that much of it. You know, I was not in a... Did anything happen in my 20s that was even mildly interesting? I'm going to do that.

Let me just think while we do this. Let me think of anything in my 20s just as a basic introduction to 1991 or 1990 really. I hit 20 in August 1990 until 2000.

So those 10 years, what happened? Was this some highlights? So I've talked about some of the stuff that happened at the end of the decade, but I don't talk much about... I suppose I mentioned a little bit about the comedy days and what happened. Anything mildly interesting that might happen during that period? I... Let me think. Let me think.

Oh, there's this one thing. This is a weird one. I lived next to a children's home.

Or I moved into this place in Stratford and there was a little... It wasn't like a big... Where I used to live was a huge building. If you go online, put in Nazareth House South End. Nazareth House South End.

Google that. And there's a big, huge white building. It's absolutely massive.

But this children's home next to me, I guess it was quite big, but it was just not big, big. But they were ever so naughty. There was a couple of kids there.

One particular one, he was a little... He had little glasses. He looked a bit like... What is it? From Danger Mouse. Oh, Danger Mouse, his sidekick.

Oh, what's his name? Anyway, he had these big glasses and he was a tiny little thing. And you wouldn't think anything to look at him. You wouldn't think that he was naughty.

But he was constantly being brought back for stealing cars. He was driving around in cars. I don't even know how he was able to see out of the windshield, out of the window, but he's... And that's what he did.

And they couldn't do anything about it because he was so young. He's probably about 10, if that, 9, 10. And he just was stealing cars and driving around.

And he was so funny. And in the summer, they'd all be hanging around in the... You know, in the road, because of the cul-de-sac. And they would be just playing around, because they're just guarding a bit where they were.

And they talked to me in solo and stuff. I said, all right. And he just made me laugh, because there'd be... Sometimes they'd be fighting and I'd stop them.

I'd say, don't stop, don't stop fighting. And so they seemed to like me. But another person moved in and they started to try and bully him.

I'd chuck in water over him when he... Like out their window, when he'd come in from work, they'd chuck water over him. So I had a word with them and they stopped doing it. I thought, why are you doing that? What's this weird thing to do? I think you might have told them off or something.

I don't know. But this is the weird part. My landlady didn't like the noise that came from outside or something, you know, from when they were playing in the road.

And she said to me, she asked me if I could do her a favor. And I said, what? She said, can you please chuck a brick through their window tonight? I was like, what? She was serious. And she was this old Italian lady in her seventies.

And this was back in 1991. So unless she's lived to be over a hundred, she may not be around anymore. But she actually asked me... Now I think she was in her eighties, actually, not seventies, late seventies, early eighties.

And she said, yeah, I want you to chuck a brick through their window. And she's this old... Honestly, it was like a scene from the Godfather. I was almost scared to say no.

And when I realized there was no kind of financial reimbursement for doing it, I said, no, no, pay me. And maybe, but no. I chucked a brick through someone's window, especially not kids, not anyone, but like particular... I said, well, why don't you wait? Why don't you just chuck a brick through your window at them when they're in the garden or outside? And she said, no, because then they know where you come from.

And she did speak like that. And what's this? Aloha, Jason. She used to say that.

Jason. I thought she said my name would be if it was Spanish. No, it's Italian.

Jason. Aloha, Jason. And we go in there.

She used to say, welcome to my home. I don't know if that's true. She liked me when I first moved in.

She did. She was like, welcome, Jason. And she's like, for me, she's like a grandmother figure.

And she was sort of the same kind of age as my grandma, my nana, nana, nan. And I used to do stuff for her. I used to go shopping.

Seriously, I was paying to live there, but I used to do stuff to help her. And I used to sit and talk to her for hours when I first moved in. Sometimes I couldn't get away.

I started to wonder, well, what kind of relationship is this? And perhaps I should just stay here. Perhaps we should get married. I don't know.

I just wasn't sure. And she said to me, I remember once she said, Jason, can you go to the shop for me? And I said, okay. I'll just talk normally.

But she did have a very, very strong accent. And she said, no, I think I offered. I said, I'm going to the supermarket.

Do you need anything? She said, okay, let me think. I'll let you know when you get down the stairs. I said, yes, yes, yes.

Go up to your bedroom and get ready. And I'll tell you when you get back down. I said, okay.

I go upstairs and I kind of think, well, I actually am ready. What do I do now? I was ready when I was asking her. I come all the way upstairs to the bedroom for nothing.

I suppose I should just stand here for a little bit and just wait. I could look out the window, but there's a graveyard. My window looked over a graveyard that was about 300 years old.

Quiet neighbours, but it's still, you know, apart from in the morning when I'd hear her calling her cats, Tiddly, Pebbles, Pebbles, Tiddly. She had some strange names for her cats, which is fine. And so I came back down and I said, so what is it you need? And she handed me a big piece of paper full of stuff that I guarantee she did not just write.

She had already written out. And I just, you know, the reason I think I know is because the first 35 items were in blue ink and the last two items were in red ink. She must have run out of pen, run out of the ink or something.

So she must have just added a couple of more items on there. I thought that's not enough. 35 is not enough for him.

37 is minimum for someone that's doing me a favour. And she said, here is the list of stuff that I would like you to buy for me. And I said, okay.

And I couldn't believe it. Seriously, I had to get a taxi home. Back in those days, I was earning £100 a week.

My rent was £40 a week. And I was living in London and I never, I couldn't afford to buy clothes or anything, you know, just, it was just food and just basic stuff. And I was going to a shop to get cheap shopping, you know, just like a discount store.

And then I ended up having to get a taxi back because she ordered so much stuff. So I like to help, but just, another time she said, she said, Jason. I said, yes.

Jason. I said, yes, yes, Mrs. Whatever, plain lady. I was wondering if you'd like to do me a favour.

I said, yeah, depends what it is. She said, would you go to the shop for me? I said, she said, don't worry. There's only two items on the list.

I said, yeah, okay. And then she said, were you going to get out of bed then? I said, no, could you just leave me, leave me for a little bit. I'll get up in a minute.

And she'd go and make a cup of tea and I'll get out of bed in a minute. And she didn't make a cup of tea. She might have made me a cup of tea once.

I don't know. I can't remember. Anyway, she gave me this list with the two items on.

And the items on it was, I think, 30 cans of cat food. Okay. And I think four giant size toilet roll packs.

So I'm there at the till and I wasn't buying anything for myself. I actually went there specifically for her. I'm there paying at the checkout with a conveyor belt, not like the conveyor belt in an airport that you stand on, but one that you put your stuff on and it moves across because it's such a long distance to push stuff, isn't it? And I felt embarrassed because I had all these packs of cat food and all this toilet paper.

And all I could think was that people were judging me, that all I did was eat cat food and go to the toilet, eat cat food and poo. And no wonder you poo so much, all that cat food. No wonder you get so much food, poo so much toilet roll.

And I was just like, no, that's not the reason. And yeah, that was a little bit embarrassing. Another thing she did was she asked me to take her cat.

Don't listen to this bit if you're a cat lover. This next bit just fast forward. She basically asked me to take her cat to the vets.

I said, yeah, okay. Because she had about 700 cats and took the cat to the vets for her. Got a taxi, which was nice.

She let me get a taxi and stuff. Cat was fine. I was going for checkup, I guess.

So I get to the cat and I said, yeah, this is for Mrs. Landlord, landlady. And he said, yeah, we're expecting. She called first.

I said, okay. And he said, do you want to bring the cat into the room? I said, okay. And he said, do you want to be here while we do it? I said, well, I've never seen a cat examiner before.

And yeah, I'm not bothered. I mean, it's just an examination, isn't it? I've seen a dog examined. It's not usually, no one said you were on way outside.

He said, oh, we're not examining it. I said, what? He said, no, it's being put to sleep. I said, what? There's nothing wrong with a cat.

He said, yeah, no, it needs, it's got a few bits, but the owner just said, yeah, didn't want to pay for it to have any treatment. So he's going to put it to sleep. But it's, yeah, it's healthy.

It's healthy enough. It doesn't need it. Just, I said, what? Isn't there some kind of oath that you people take to not, you know, it's just, I couldn't believe it.

She sent me to euthanise her cat without telling me that I was euthanising her cat. Couldn't believe it. Could not believe it, honestly.

She sent me, said, yeah, just take the cat to, just to the, to the, I should have noticed. I should have, I should have kind of been a little bit aware when I said, so do I get the taxi back then? She said, no, you won't need to get a taxi back. Can't you just get the bus back? I said, well, no, because I've got the, the cat, I don't know, I've got the big case with the cat in and she said, no, they'll, keep that.

I said, well, how am I supposed to get the cat back then? She said, don't worry about that. Just, just take, so I should have kind of clicked that something was not, not right. So yeah, that was a weird one.

She was a very angry lady about her past. Very angry about her life, which is, I kind of want to try and not be like that. Not, not like her.

I mean, she was not her whole personality. I'm just saying about the, try not to hold on to grudges from, you know, 20, 30 years ago and try and, try and move on with my life. If at all possible, it would be nice.

I'm trying to think what else she did. I might mention this. There was a bloke moved in called Bernard and he, he's like suddenly became my best friend.

He didn't like me anymore after he moved in. That's weird. She really, she said, Bernard, would you go to the shop and get me some toilet roll and some, some bog roll and cat food? And he'd say, no need me there.

No need me there. And he'd pull it out of his bum. It would be there.

Suddenly like a magic trick. There it is. Oh, so it is, so it was, so it can be, so it would be.

It's like, blimey, where did that come from? And he'd be doing his little tap dancing and stuff. It was just, basically he sort of tried to take over the household. I'm in charge of the house now, Jason.

I thought, what? What are you on about? All this tap dancing. I was going to read you a couple of things. Oh, excuse me.

There's a couple of messages I've got, which are quite groovy. So I thought I'd read them to you. I have to take my glasses off to do this.

This is a message I got from Cynthia saying, Jason, we started sleeping together about four months ago. Best relationship I ever had. I was like, wow, how cool is that? And another one I got is, oh dear.

And someone, Jordan, I've been listening to you for 10 years every night to sleep. My favorite ones are the let me bore you to sleep because they're long. My wife now listens with me.

I don't usually make it through because I fall asleep. Wow. You know what I mean? It's just lovely.

Oh, here's another one. Okay. Oh, no, that's not the one.

No, that's not the one. That's it. No, that's not the one.

Oh, loose track. Oh, Sunday, Monday, Sunday, Monday, happy days, Wednesday, Thursday, happy days. Oh, that's why.

That's why I was getting my luck between that Monday, Tuesday, happy days, Wednesday, Thursday, happy days, Friday, Saturday, happy day. The weekend comes, the day is done. Day to day, wait for you.

These days are mine. Oh my goodness. I've just shown her.

She's watching the news, has shown a plane landing. But it's like really windy. The pilots should be able to land the planes.

It's kind of only really 50% of what they've got to do, isn't it? Taking off and landing. The rest is pretty much automatic as far as I'm aware. I'm not an expert on planes.

Wow. So I don't think I'd get into it. If it was really like hurricane weather, I probably wouldn't.

If you let a balloon off in a really, you can see what happens to the balloon. And that's a good judge about whether or not to get into a plane. Maybe, maybe.

I had this job once and they put notices in. It was quite a big place and they had showers. In the changing rooms and toilets.

It was quite an old-fashioned kind of place. Because a lot of places wouldn't have showers, but this place did. These were for the people who were actually permanent, not for temporary people like me.

And they put a sign on the wall and all over the place. They really, the management put them everywhere. And it said, which was totally true.

What was it that said? Please, yeah, what was it? Please do not leave stools in the showers. And they weren't talking about wooden stools that you sit on. And not only do they do that, I don't believe it's an expert.

One of the supervisors came round to us individually and asked us if we were the ones doing it. He came round individually to our faces and said, have you been pooing in the shower? What? Like I'm going to admit to it. Oh dear.

I was saying to my manager, I said, listen, the first place, if I didn't do it in a toilet, my first alternative would be your locker or on your desk, which probably wasn't a very good idea to say that to your manager. But it's just such a really, did you go to the toilet in the shower? I mean, to go up to someone and ask them that. Very, very, very strange.

There was another time we, because I was sort of quite regular, well, very regular. I was there for quite a while. They did a health and safety seminar after work and they invited me and a few of my colleagues to go along, as well as the people that work there permanently, because we were there regularly.

And the, I don't know if you've ever seen health and safety videos from the past. They are fairly ridiculous, like kind of in a very obvious way, you know, it's like, well, it was just, it was just funny because I had these slides that were just really, really funny and I couldn't stop laughing. I got the giggles.

I didn't mean, I didn't want to do it. I didn't, you know, go there with the intention of mocking the, my elders and my, you know, my betters, but I couldn't stop laughing. I was like, because the first slide they put up there was just something ridiculous.

It's sort of saying, I think they, something like you find someone with electric cable sticking in some water and the other person's in the water. What do you do? Do you, and you, do you use a metal rod to try and, to try and pull them out? Something like that. I just, I just, I started laughing.

It's like, is this ridiculous? And also I'd done first aid and not that I remember that much of it, but I'd done first aid and health and safety twice before when I was in the sea cadets and also at college, Catering College. So I knew, you know, I've done it since as well. So I know the basics of this stuff.

And also I'm very health and safety conscious, I would say. And although I've had a few accidents and stuff, but quite, yeah, it was so funny. And I genuinely didn't, or no one, including all the people I worked with, expected me to have a job at the end of that.

But luckily the other people were laughing as well, because as we know, laughter is contagious. And I just couldn't stop, really couldn't stop. Why is it still cold in here? I don't get it.

I thought the heating was on. Potentially we've got snow coming today. In fact, there could be snow out there now.

I don't know. I've not looked. I should have a look.

I should have a look now while you're on the phone. If there is snow there, we can all share it together. So I'm going to stand up.

I'm going to have a look outside. No, there's no snow out there. Did you hear that crack? That was my ankle.

Well, that's it. Thank you very much for listening. And thank you for those people who left me those messages.

And, oh yeah, what I was going to say, I was in bed. I was in bed sometime the other last day or so. And I was, I was making a recording.

I was doing this recording, talking, and then I woke up and realized I wasn't. So I think I was actually out loud talking, doing this recording. And then I started thinking, oh, I think I've drifted off a bit.

And I wake up and realize I'm in bed. That's a bit strange. Anyway, I'm going to go.

Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy. And do something nice for yourself today if you're still listening.

And if you've fallen asleep, then groovy. And I'll speak to you probably tomorrow. Lots of love from me and speak to you soon.

Bye. Bye.