#329 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (11th February 2020)

Hello, welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name's Jason Nuvand. Please only listen to this and you can safely close your eyes.

It's still a bit windy, still a bit windy. It's quite sunny though, windy and sunny. The thing is, I've got this window right, I suppose you may have a window as well.

I'm not, I'm sure I'm not the only person that has a window, but I've got this window in my living room. It's a pretty big, pretty big window. It's just dawned on me that I can see through it.

No, it just dawned on me that on a bright day in the winter, like today's been a bright day, I get more light in here than I do during the summer throughout the day because I've got a big tree just in the other garden and there's no leaves on the tree at the moment. During the summer, it's got lots of leaves on it, so it blocks the light out more. But at the moment, it's not blocking much of the light.

So it's fairly bright. I mean, it's not bright in here actually. That's not a really good example because it's not, it's not dark, but it's, I'm just trying to think, this microphone's a bit close to me.

Oh, it's not, what's the time? It's six minutes past two in the afternoon and it's really weird. I've had this sleeping, I make these recordings to help people to sleep. My sleeping habits really been up in the air the last couple of days.

Every now and then it happens. I think part of the reason is because the flat downstairs is being cleaned. So there's a lot of banging going on during the day.

So I'm not getting, it's not usually that kind of noise going on or sound because, yeah, so I kind of, I've been awake during the day and at night and sleeping at weird times. It's because, you know, for ages I've been sleeping all night and being awake, no, waking, sleeping all day and being awake at night, which is fine. It suits me fine.

And I generally don't have any issues falling asleep. I mean, I could go and lay down now and go to sleep. It'd be fairly easy.

It'd be quite nice. Even in the summer, I quite like it when there's got the sun shining on me. It's the closest thing I can have to sunbathing because I don't have the right skin to sunbathe with.

I don't have sunbathing skin. And it's an amazing amount of people have told me, oh, you just got to have the right amount of sun cream and you'll be fine. No, it doesn't work like that.

Isn't it funny how people don't, they can't believe what other people say. I burn in the sun. That's what happens regardless of, you know, I have to keep myself covered up apart from my arms and my face.

And they still burn if I don't ever go out and I sort of just sit in the sun, but they kind of get used to the weather a bit, you know, if I go out in it. But my legs, all my legs and as far as my top goes, I've never shown my nipples in public since probably going to the swimming baths in, swimming bath? You're not supposed to have a bath. You're not supposed to take your soap in there, are you? Um, what is it? Swimming pool.

The last time I went to the swimming pool, I got this vague recollection. I think it was when I was in London. Seriously, I think it was when I was in London.

I think it was the, probably about 94. So back then I was slim and I was embarrassed about being too slim. Kind of don't have that problem these days.

Don't think I've been, no, I don't think I've had any top off in a public place since then. No, no, no, no. So I'm not going to talk about my stats.

Instead, what I'm going to do is talk about the podcast analytics, which is another word for stats. I actually got an email today saying, from Feedburn or something. It's a podcast thing.

And they told me, congratulations, you're now, you're in the top 20 anxiety podcasts online that we recommend. And the banner is the top 20 anxiety podcasts in the world or something. And I'm number 11.

So yeah, that's quite cool. So I am listed in the charts in various podcasts things, but I've never been, I never had one that says the top podcasts in the world kind of thing. Of course, I shouldn't take that too serious, but, and it was for my relaxation hypnosis podcast for anxiety and stress.

And I was like, wow, I don't know. It's just a little thing, but it just felt quite nice, quite, ooh, you know, I'm not quite sure what the ooh means. Oh, a little cozy, a bit like a, I don't know.

I was going to say a tortoise in a microwave, but that wouldn't be cozy, would it? I'm just seeing something that's just nice and warm, just warm, but not too warm, but not, you know, it's very strange that this time of year, so now in the middle of February and just sitting here looking out of the window, I can just see the changes in the light because it seems to be sort of reducing somewhat. I also got the sun shining on my face a little bit. If you listen, you can probably hear the sizzle of my skin burning.

I always had sensitive skin. I was born with it, I think. Well, I was, I was born with the skin, but I just, even when I was six or five, we had really hot summers, but not last year.

In 2019, according to the television, it was the hottest day on record. I don't know if it was in June or something like that. Now, in 1975, we had hot days continuously for weeks and weeks, and I don't recall having that kind of hot summers since.

In fact, I might be wrong, but yeah, I might be wrong. Of course, I'll never admit it, but the extension of the summers and the hot weather, that constant feeling, the constant heat, constant hot days, doesn't seem to happen anymore. I mean, for a long time, and we do have extremely hot days every now and then, and extremely cold days, and sometimes it's really hot in a weird part of the year, but I just used to really, you know, get really, really hot.

It was almost like you'd get to a certain month. Apart from rain every now and then, it'd just be hot all the time, all the way through the 80s. So I'm not, you might say, yeah, but you was five, you don't want to be able to remember everything that happened when you were five, aren't you? Which is true, and I'm glad of that as well.

I don't think that you'd want to remember everything that you'd ever done, ever, in your whole life. That's a lot of remembering, isn't it? But even during the 80s, bearing in mind, I was 19 in 1989. So, you know, even during those years, it was hot in the summer, continuously hot in the summer, cold in the winter.

The only, I remember one year though, is the year I went to Butlins. I worked at Butlins in 1995, the Christmas period, or the Christmas season. And I had this little jacket that was given to me by Andre's sister's husband, when I lived in Ireland in 94, the end of 94, or September time, for about five or six weeks.

Then I came back, but it's not my little Andre, it's the other little Andre, and the original Andre. So I used to, I wore that jacket, I liked it, I don't know why, I just disliked it. And I was still wearing that in December.

Well, actually, I was still wearing it in January, but I was still wearing it open, you know, without being cold during the winter in 1995. It just wasn't cold. And I was on a beach, well, I was in Bognor Regis, which is a beach resort.

Well, there's a beach there. And, because there was a time, for those that don't know about these things, you know, don't, just don't know, I'm not saying those ignorant people. No, people that don't know about England's history and stuff, as far as holiday camps go, we used to have holiday camps.

Yeah. Should I go into more information, perhaps? Basically, what they were, and I don't know if other countries had them, but we definitely did. And they were really popular back in, I don't know, probably 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s.

And they basically had chalets. See, I never went to one, apart from when I worked there. So I'd never been to a holiday camp.

But there used to be this television show called Heidi High, which was a comedy, which was based around a holiday camp, which was called Heidi High. Now, was it called Heidi High? I don't know if that's the actual name. I don't know.

But anyway, there was two really popular holiday camps, like companies, there was Pontins and Butlins. There may have been more, but I don't know what they were. And I'm sure there was probably loads of independent ones as well.

But this was all before and English people started traveling abroad for holidays by flight. So before cheap flights were around, a lot of the Brits would stay in England, or Wales or Scotland or, you know, and just go on holiday here, which is what I did throughout my whole of my childhood. We always, a favorite for our family was Wales, because it's just so, so darn beautiful there.

Absolutely. And I've said this before, I have, I'm a big advocate for Wales. And it's a beautiful, beautiful place.

It really is. I can only really talk about places that I've been. I mean, apparently I lived in Scotland for a little while when I was a kid, but I don't remember it.

So I can't sort of comment on what it's like in Scotland, because I've never been. I only know what I've seen on a telly. And again, it looks beautiful.

But I'd like one day to go to the Edinburgh Festival and be, just go to Edinburgh in Scotland. And I quite like the idea of maybe doing like a one man show or something. I don't know, just for the experience, you know, and I could record it and then I could watch it back.

I don't know, stick it on YouTube. It's quite interesting. If I recorded, if I went to Edinburgh and I did a, let me bore you to sleep show.

So I go on stage for an hour and I talk about, you know, I plan it and I, you know, kind of maybe put a bit of effort into it beforehand. And I was there for two weeks. I'd have more people listen to it on the podcast.

I would do the two weeks I was there, audience wise, because I wouldn't get many people coming to see it. So I'd actually have more people listen to it on here than that actually in real life. And it would have cost me about £10,000 or more to put it on, to put the show on, because you have to rent out the theatre or the room space.

Theatre, I wouldn't be at a theatre, but there's just lots of different rooms that you can rent out. And a lot of them, I don't think they hold many people. Some of the theatres will hold a lot, but the people that go to them would be already established stars, I guess, or those being promoted.

Because the Edinburgh Festival can be a launching pad for future television stars. So people go there, especially like comedy. I've known, so there used to be a thing called the Perrier Award, which was the comedy award at the Edinburgh Festival.

And it was the biggest award you could get in comedy, outside, I suppose, of a BAFTA, or I guess that would be bigger, wouldn't it? But as far as the stand-up comedy, the Perrier Award was the top. It was the... I don't know, it was just like a big achievement. And loads of really... Well, loads of comedians have gone on to be famous, have won it.

And it stopped being called the Perrier Award quite a while ago, and they've renamed it. I think at one point it was the Foster's Award and whatever, but Perrier stopped promoting it. So they got taken off the name of the award.

But what's quite good about it is you haven't got to win the award in order to get found or to get a boost to your career as a comedian. Being shortlisted, so being nominated for the award, shortlisted, you're on a radar. So the TV production companies and bosses and stuff would then... I guess they don't take everybody on, but they definitely... I've known people that have shortlisted for the Perrier Award and they've gone on to be on TV and to do loads of stuff.

Three such people, four people in fact, four, let's see if I know. Jimmy Carr, and he went on to be the face of Channel 4 back in 2000 or 2001 or whenever it was. Lee Mack, he's not a comedian, he was shortlisted.

I think his show is called The Mack is Back or something like that. Or no, Return of the Mack, something. You remember the song, Return of the Mack, Dolce & Gabbana, that one.

And then he went on to, well he hasn't stopped being on television since. I used to know him years ago, he used to perform regularly at the comedy club I went to, really nice bloke. And what was the other one? Oh, Terry Alderton, another friend of mine that I haven't seen for so long that he wouldn't even recognise me probably.

He did a show at the Edinburgh, it probably would have been about 2001, 2002, and it was shortlisted for the Perrier. And he went on to do, I think he hosted the Lottery. I'm sure he hosted the Lottery for a while.

He's been on EastEnders, he's been on EastEnders. He's a great man. He does impressions, or he used to do impressions.

Now he's got a comedy character that's just really, really original. So it's really good. And the other person, Tim Vine, who I knew Tim, in fact I saw Tim, I think his first gig he ever did.

And he, I didn't even realise at the time, but his brother is Jeremy Vine, who's very famous in this country. He's a journalist or a TV presenter and stuff like that. But Tim Vine, he was shortlisted for the Perrier in 1996, I think it was.

Yeah, 1996. And Channel 5, basically, I can't believe it, Channel 5 was a new TV channel. We'd had four channels for a long time.

And then Channel 5 popped up in 1997. Was it all 96? No, 96. Or was it 97? It was around that time anyway.

It was either late 96 or early 97. I forget. But anyway, I don't know the exact dates.

But Tim Vine launched the TV channel. So I'm getting all excited about a new TV channel. Trust me, if you live in a country where there's only four channels, when the fifth one starts, I challenge you not to sit and watch it being launched.

It's exciting stuff. It's, you know, it's on par with a berth, really. And just less messy.

And I couldn't believe my friend was on there. Like Tim was literally launching the TV channel with other people as well. And he had about three different shows on Channel 5. When it started, he had some game shows, he had all kinds of stuff going on.

So I don't know how much he got paid, but he must have got a big old, big lump of money to be the face of a new television channel. So most of the people win the Perrier or, you know, I think they actually now call it the Edinburgh Festival Comedy Award or something. But they, I'm sure they got sponsored by cat food at one point.

But the, some of the winners, Lee Evans, who went on to be a huge star. And he was already, he was already a star to be fair, but he went on to be, he'd already been on TV before he even did the Edinburgh. What other ones? Not Jack, Frank Skinner.

He won the Perrier and then went on to be, the thing is with Frank Skinner, he didn't go on to be a big star straight away. But he did go on to be a big star, but he just, it took a while. It's, he, you know, he did some stuff on telly and then he teamed up together with David Baddiel and they did this football, is it fantasy football thing, which was just huge, absolutely massive.

And he's done lots of like interview shows and stuff. So he's a big star and he has been for a long time. But I remember seeing him on telly in the early days, thinking, what, how come he hasn't got his own TV show yet? Because he is brilliant.

You know, he was a standout like comedian, a standup comedian, in fact. What other ones won? Jenny Eclair won the Perrier and she's been one of the top female comedians. There was someone that won and he never, someone that I knew called Daniel Kitson and he just didn't want to be famous.

I guess, you know, he, he, he won the Perrier. It was a Perrier back then. And I don't know, I think he might still take shows to Edinburgh.

But for him, it was about the performance. He writes the show and he performs it. And he goes on tour around the world.

So he's built up an audience. He's not on YouTube. You can't see him anywhere.

You can't hear him anywhere. There's no, there's no recordings, there's no albums, there's nothing like that. But he sells out theatres because he's so good.

He's really, really funny. And he's probably really old now, which is weird, weird to say that because when I knew him, he was about 22, maybe younger, maybe 19, 20, 21. But that was back in the late 90s.

So it was in the 40s now, 41, 42. Still younger than me though. But yeah, he never, he didn't, I don't know, he just didn't want to be famous.

I don't know, that might not be the reason, but I got a sense that that's, you know, I wasn't what it was about. He wanted to have fun, but at the same time, wanted to do it his own way. Because he had the same management as Jimmy Carr.

And the reason I know that is because my friend managed them. And he, I don't know, sometimes I search, do a little Google search for him, see what he's up to. But he's, I'm sure he goes on tour in Canada and Australia, as well as sort of in London and in around the country.

But he's one of those, I don't know what he's like now, but he was one of those brilliant comedians that was almost unheard of. If you know what I mean, no one really knew who he was outside of the people that knew who he was. That sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? I mean, in England, you know who Jimmy Carr is.

You might not have ever seen him, but you'd have heard of his name, or Lee Evans, or I don't know, just, you know, people you know. It's like singers, you might have heard of, I don't know, Stormzy, but never have actually listened to his music. You know what I mean? It's like kind of a well-known name.

But Daniel Kitson is, I didn't understand it. I tell you what I thought would be perfect for him, would be to be Doctor Who, for two reasons. Firstly, because no one knows who he is, so there'd be no expectation of what he'd be like.

And secondly, because he's so funny, he'd be able to ad-lib and make the character his own. Because he's quite individual, I don't know if that's the right word. Very, I don't know, you'd remember him if you see him.

Very charismatic, big smile, but at the same time kind of almost older, but younger. It's a weird kind of mix. Almost like a child.

I'm going back to how I remember him. That's a long time ago. But he was very young, wasn't he, I suppose.

But just hugely intelligent, and possibly a comedy genius, to be fair. But he just didn't want to be, he didn't want to, I don't think, he didn't want to fit into a stereotype. If he'd have gone on telly, he'd have been a massive hit.

Because he was just really, really funny. You know, if you think of these TV shows where they do, you know, where they're the panel games and stuff. I'm sure they have them in every country.

He'd be successful, I think, anywhere he would have been. Again, I don't know what he's like now. He might not be like that anymore.

People change, don't they? They might be, apart from those that say, I'm never going to change. Nothing's ever going to make me change. Yeah, you are.

Everybody is. Everybody does. We all change.

Don't ever change. So yeah, there's not much really going on today. For me, I just was watching a film called Something.

It's about some angry women. I think it's Chai Theroux's The Thievery of the Zoozy. And what's her name? The one from the Joker, not the Joker film, but she was in the film that had the Joker.

She was the Joker's girlfriend. Demi, not Demi, not Hieroglyphia. Hieroglyphia? I can't remember the name, but she played a very good character.

I think she might have even got nominated for an Oscar for this film that I'm watching I didn't knew. She got nominated for something during the Oscars and Brad Pitt you know someone was on the radio saying and that once upon a time in Hollywood Brad Pitt seemed like he wasn't acting. Well if he was to watch clips of all of his films he kind of is himself in all of them really isn't he? He doesn't really do extreme well maybe he has done but I can't think of a film apart from snatch where he plays an Irish traveler but even then it's it's only really the accent that's different.

He always plays quite a cool calm kind of character doesn't he? Generally seems to look the same. I watched that film the Tarantino movie and I don't know about the Oscar I don't know for me I haven't watched enough of the movies to really to judge you know the Oscars as far as acting goes I'm not really I'm not really a critic in that way I don't really know what to be looking for but I don't really think Brad Pitt did much different to what he normally does.

It was an okay film I think my one of my favorite films for ages has been yesterday which was well it's just a really good film you can google it if you want to know what it's about it basically involves this yo lad singing Beatles songs there's just quite a warm-hearted movie it's nice.

What other films do I like lately? All of the Marvel superhero films. I can't help it I just love them. I love them.

I suppose they're never gonna get an Oscar for actors when it's especially when it's like the ensemble of all of them because none of them are really on screen for that long so maybe they won't get an Oscar for that but which is weird when you think about it when you think that Bob Hoskins didn't he win an Oscar for Who Framed Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Pretty sure he did. If nothing if he didn't win he definitely was nominated because he was acting on his own you know with anime basically with nothing there because it was half animated wasn't it?

So the superhero films a lot of their acting would be without anything there because of the special effects because when they're going oh get off get off they're not really being held down by a big monster robot they're just you know so they're doing the real emotion well they're doing the emotions and they're acting yeah I do like those movies although it's I don't know the ending of the the end game the end game the last one it was never gonna be satisfactory just because you know a major character well a couple of major characters were let go from the series as it were not to be appearing in a future with films.

I wonder why he's just woken up.

Hello Andre. You alright baby? Oh he's just run off. He's thought I know what I'll do I'll go and do a wee wee at the front door.

That's a good boy What a good little boy he is. Bless him. He's been quite cuddly the last couple of days with me.

He's been sort of giving me cuddles and just I can't believe how much noise he makes when he's running around you know sometimes I look at him and I think oh he's looking a bit old and he looks up at me and it's just exactly the same as when he was a baby it's just that same look you know from that angle he's basically just a big version of when he was littler which kind of we all are I suppose aren't we but he looks yeah it looks the same really. He's a cutie. He's a cutie pie oh yes he is.

Very very cute. So I've ordered some soundproof phone soundproofing for my shed my recording studio to be and so I've ordered 12 so far waiting for none of them arrived yet. I ordered two two lots yeah I ordered two because they're $5.99 or something each back in probably over a week ago and then I ordered ten few days ago so I've not had any delivered yet so I've got 12 I'm probably gonna need about 50 possibly more to do the whole shed.

I'll do the inside first then I'll do the outside I'll do the roof I also do the bottom as well and then I'll probably I'll be putting layer upon layer upon layer on it to get to the point where you can't hear anything that's pretty much the idea so it will be very very thoroughly thoroughly completely intuitively soundproofed in a way that will just excite everyone that ever hears about it. I'm quite looking forward to having it done because the other night it might have been last night or the night before I think it was and it was about three o'clock so I sit down to do a deep sleep whisper hypnosis recording.

There's a bit of wind outside but you know it's not really much I can do about that and suddenly there's this big howl from one of the neighborhood cats are really like screeching and then continuing to screech and make noises and I actually went out to make sure the cat was alright but it was fine but I just doesn't get in or even that would have got in the way of this recording.

The wind and stuff that's not so bad it's just wind but for the deep sleep whisper ones especially whispering I need to have it really quiet and if I can make it comfortable in there like proper comfortable then it should be alright. Anyway I'm gonna go and say thank you for listening and remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy Lots of love. Bye