#336 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (19th February 2020)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is let me bore you to sleep, to sleep. Please only listen to this recording or any of my recordings when you can safely close your eyes.

It's the only time to listen. And I say that because I know there's probably some people listen when they've got their eyes open. But the reason I say only when you can close your eyes or when it's safe for you to close your eyes is because safety is important.

I can't be bothered to say anymore. You just gotta, you gotta be safe. So over the years I've tried, I've tried to say things like oh if you're driving your car or if you're you know digging a well or if you're you know on a space shuttle or you know whatever if you're a pilot on Concorde even though Concorde hasn't been around for about 15 years just perhaps you shouldn't be listening to a sleep recording maybe.

But ultimately I've got no control over what anyone does. However I know that my audience are very intelligent, I'm very lucky, I'm very very fortunate because the people listen to my recordings very intelligent, very kind and it's loyalty. I've got quite a loyal audience as well, very generous.

So you're a good bunch of people and so I do, I do feel grateful for that. So you know please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. It's a real long version of saying just you know can you imagine someone, you could take me to court.

I was driving my car and I fell asleep listening to this this bloke, this man on a podcast. What was the name of the podcast? Let me bore you to sleep. Case dismissed.

You know I mean it's like come on really? I don't think any of my podcasts really give the, I suppose some of the ones that aren't that popular and there's a few that aren't very popular that probably no one's listening to so I haven't got to be worried about. There's one that says keep your eyes open all you like it doesn't matter sleep session. Podcast is that one and there's the other one.

Yeah this is really safe to drive with this hypnosis sleep recording. Really safe to drive with. You should, you should definitely try listening to this.

That podcast is, doesn't get many listeners. So I felt quite good today. Good, not as a good person but felt quite well and and I do again.

I went to sleep for about half past two till five. Actually it was more nearly three about three o'clock till about five and I just fancied, I just fancied a lie down. And there's no nothing funny about it.

I don't know why I'm giggling about the idea of lying down but I just yeah and I've not been, I've not been up all night. I've been asleep during the night and awake during the day. You know I think part of the reason for that is I've got no idea why I don't.

It happens every now and then where my sleep pattern completely reverses. And but I think I'm getting to the point where it's, it's time to sort of start sleeping during the night time. And also now that I know that the soundproofing of my bedroom shed into a recording studio.

Now that I know the soundproofing is underway and I've started doing it. I've only got two strips up so far but I've got another 21 coming. They're on the way.

So Rachel, thank you Rachel, hi Rachel has sent me one strip. It's not got here yet but it's on the way. She went to my wish list on Amazon and they're, what are they, five pound, I don't know, five pounds, sixty something each I think.

But once I've put those 20 in there or 21 on the inside I should start be able to, should be able to start using the shed to make recordings in. It won't be perfect, you know, there's still a lot of work to do but it'll be a start. Once I've got another 50 or 100 slips, you know, once it's completely done it'll be like really cool.

It'll be, yeah, be so soundproofed. The most soundproofed thing in the whole soundproofed world it will be. In fact, it'll be so soundproofed I won't even be able to hear myself when I'm doing a podcast.

You won't be able to hear me. That's how soundproof it's going to be. I know the test.

I know the test because if I can't hear anything outside, if I can't hear the radiators that are in my bedroom clicking away then I know that it's a good test. If I can't hear the noise, well I've only got noisy neighbours, I've got neighbours that are sometimes noisy. That's more of a fair description because generally, especially this time of year, it's all right.

But, what was it, like last year we had I had one of the neighbours, not right in my, but near where I live, they were having bonfires every, daily basically, every evening, a bonfire. And they were breaking pallets up all day. So banging, bang, bang, bang, bearing in mind I sleep, you know, I'm asleep during the day, and then burning it at night.

And actually had deliveries of pallets in the garden. So I don't know what that was about. And I guess, to be fair, it's just pretty fun.

I do like bonfires, actually. I suppose I'd be more interested, yeah, I do. But they don't half stink, though.

Because when I was in, when I had lived in a Buddhist community, we had, it was a fair-sized garden, but it was on two levels. And it was just messy. But there was this big space that we used to have bonfires, and we used to chuck stuff out there, like flammable stuff, pretty much all year round.

So that when it came to having a bonfire, it was all ready. And so any like spare bits of wood and stuff like that, we'd all just put it on there. And then I think like a couple of times a year, we'd have a party.

And, you know, drugs, prostitutes, general Buddhist stuff, you know. And, no, cups of tea and gossip. And I didn't notice it at the time, but I'd be sitting out there with this bonfire, it's very hypnotic, isn't it? Very hypnotic.

That's the thing, I think fire is very hypnotic, unless it's in your kitchen, or your bathroom, or your bedroom, it's not hypnotic then. But on a bonfire in a safe environment, or in a fireplace, who has fireplaces anymore? Does anybody? Do you have a fireplace? It's very hypnotic, just to sort of look into the flames of a fire, dancing around, doing a little boogie woogie, little ballet. You know, I was gonna say kickboxing, but that's not right.

A little beatbox. What is that street dancing movie called? The really, really famous one. I can't remember.

Anyway, what I noticed is, I get upstairs and my clothes absolutely stunk of smoke, of the bonfire, absolutely stunk. When I first moved in here, there was this bloke, this man, he's moved out now, and he constantly had bonfires, but the neighbours would complain about him. And he had them, I don't know how he managed to make them so smoky, but I'd have to close the windows in my flat, which is a little bit annoying when you're as lazy as me.

And the windows all the way the other side of the room. I guess what? Guess what indeed? When was it? Yesterday. Yeah, yeah, it was yesterday evening.

I had a little knock on the door, look through my keyhole window, whatever it's called, peephole. And it's really weird it's called a peephole, because when you're a kid, a peephole is the keyhole, isn't it? You know, when you're in your house, every door, when I was a kid, every door had a keyhole. Didn't have no keys, but you could like look through it and see what people were up to.

Anyway, it's really weird. I spent ages looking through the keyhole once, thinking nothing happening, no activity, no activity. Keep going back, no activity.

Kept going back through the keyhole, nothing, nothing. So when I was a kid, then it dawned on me. It's my bedroom.

There's no one in there. Why, you know, it's just, we live and learn, don't we? Live and learn. Anyway, I got a knock on the door, rat-a-tat-tat, ding-dong.

And I don't know why she was saying ding-dong, there's no alarm. And she said, I knocked on the door and I didn't knock on the door. That would have been weird, wouldn't it? Can you imagine, knock on the delivery, you knock on the door and someone else knocks on the door back.

Who's there? What do you mean, who's there? Who are you? Who are you? And I looked through and there was this tiny little female. And I thought, oh, okay. I wasn't really sure who that was.

But then I saw they were holding a package, massive package. That's how I realized she was little. Because when I actually opened the door, it wasn't a massive package at all.

But, you know, anyway, I opened the door. Actually, it wasn't. I looked, she was huge, but the package was massive.

No, neither of those are true. I opened the door and she said something I couldn't really understand. But I saw that she had a package and it was from Amazon and stuff.

I said, thank you. Happy New Year. So I took it and I knew what it was straight away because I'd ordered it, you know.

It was a... I can't read it to you when it's called. Oh, yes, I can. Yes, I can.

You ready for this? Just realized I've got the little leaflet. I'll take my glasses off because I can't read it otherwise. I almost feel like I've got really good eyesight when I say that.

Just going to take my eyeglasses off, my eyeglasses. I'm going to have to take my glasses off, my face glasses. Well, technically, my nose glasses because they rest on my nose.

But yeah, I've got to take them off so I can read because my eyesight's so damn good that I can't see them with these glasses on. I need to be naked in order to see them. If only that was true for when buses were arriving.

A couple of times I've gone out without my glasses forgotten. I had to ask pensioners what the number of the buses as it was arriving was pulling up because I couldn't see. Literally could not see what they said.

Well, it's in 93, isn't it? Were you blind? Like, well, I'm not blind, but I do have visual, a bit of a visual issue. Cheeky little monkey, you. So what I got is this.

It's a coccyx. Cossack. Cossack.

Cock. Sick. Coccyx.

Orthopedic seat cushion. Yep. And basically, because of my lower back, before you start going, we've all got lower backs, you know, you're not the only one.

I know that. Well, why do you keep saying my lower back? Because I'm not talking about your lower back. That's why.

And those that have listened to anything I've ever said, my moaning, I've got lower back issues. And the main thing about this is it did say in the advert online that although it's, it's saying to relieve and direct pressure onto your tailbone. So although mine's more left side back, it's for lower back, basically anyone with a lower back issue.

And the benefits of this is it boosts your height for good posture, which it really does. I couldn't believe it. Because sitting in a chair, which is the best, best way to sit really, I sat sitting in a chair now.

I've moved the chairs around. I'm currently sitting in a chair that's going to be in my, my bedroom shed. When I can start using the, the, you know, start using it for making recordings.

But at the moment, it's in here. My friend gave it to me. It's a nice chair.

The thing is, it's not very comfortable, like for, it's comfortable. But for watching telly and stuff like that, it's, I can't like lay my head back or anything like that. Because the back only comes up to my back.

The back goes up to the middle of my back. But before I used to be able to have part of the window curtains closed, and the other part open with the light on. And the people opposite me wouldn't be able to see me because the chair was low down.

I only realized today, as I was sitting here, because the chair raises me up by quite a few inches. And the windows at the right height, so they can see right in there. I can't see them, but I guess with the light on, they can see in here, especially with a nice, you know, half decent telescope.

And I realized I can't pick my nose anymore. So I guess this big hole, I had a moral issue, very complicated life, life issue to deal with. Like, what do I do? Do I stop picking my nose or do I close the curtains? And as I said, the curtains or the windows, it's the other side of the room.

My nose is closer. I was like, so I didn't know. My nose is closer doesn't actually make sense, does it? But yeah.

So what benefits of this seat cushion offering? It's a heck of a lot. And first thing I noticed is, because it's got like a gel thing inside, it's a well gel. And for the first time, I feel both the right buttock and the left buttock are kind of even or balanced.

And there's no pressure. I don't feel any pressure on my lower back at all. Now I'm starting to think as far as coccyx go, I damaged my coccyx when I was about 16.

I don't know if it's kind of coming back to haunt me a little bit. But isn't a coccyx, that's just basically your tailbone, isn't it? You know, when we used to have tails sticking out of our bums. And mind you, I sometimes think I'm getting a tail growing back.

Sometimes it gets so hairy. And I'll move on. So maybe that's, you know, what happened is, I used to work in a chip shop when I was 16, or 15 actually.

And I was there for two years. So from the April to the March. So from April 1986 to March 1987.

So 1987. Yeah, still 16. No.

Yeah. So March 87. 15, 16.

I'm confused. No, 88, not 87. 88.

So March 88. So I was 17. So that doesn't make sense.

How can I be 15 and be there two years and then be 60? Even with my vast mathematical brain knowledge. Didn't I make a fence? So yeah, I went to, I was there from April 1986, when I was 15. And March 1988, I left when I was 17.

And then I got a job in, I got a job in a supermarket. But it was only a small supermarket, which is a shame. Because I think I'd have been better off in a big supermarket, with a bit more space and a bit more, I don't know, just would have been probably more fun.

Then, because there'd be more staff instead of there just being like four members of staff, it would have been probably like 40 or something. Or 25 or maybe 36. I don't know.

Anyway, so I was there. That's what I did. And when I was, part of my job was, well, I just kind of did lots of different things.

But it was to be moving stuff around. We used to have these big bags of potatoes that were bigger than me, you know, probably heavier than me. Probably not, but probably not a lot in it at all, to be fair.

So I used to be carrying them around. And I remember once I slipped over with this big sack of potatoes. Now, when I say big sack of potatoes, I'm not talking about the little bags you get in the supermarket.

I'm talking about big, you put on the floor, it's pretty much up to my chest, you know, big, heavy bag. And I slipped over. And this bag, and I basically banged me coccyx, my back on, landed on my back.

But the bag of potatoes, the weight landed on top of me as well. And I couldn't walk. But I had no choice but to walk.

Obviously, I could walk. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to walk. But in any other situation now, in like real life, I would have gone to hospital with that.

And I don't think I can do much other than just sort of, I don't know, maybe a back brace or something. But I didn't get any help. I just carried on regardless.

And I was just in agony for ages with it. But a lot of people just carried on, didn't, you know, so I think I might have cracked it or done something. And I don't think I went to the doctors.

Pretty sure I didn't. And luckily, I lived upstairs. So I didn't have a long way to travel to walk to work.

And I was on my feet most of the day. So I don't know if it's that's come to haunt me, but haunt me, guys, dramatic, innit? Ultimately, I just think it's just, just a back, you know, I think maybe it's because I'm so damn tall. I mean, being seven foot four, I guess it's bound to put a little bit of maybe put extra pressure on me on my back.

And also, my back issues do sometimes happen to ex-Olympic athletes, you know, when they get older. And, you know, being, the thing is, look at all those gold medals that I won in the Olympics. It feels nice, but, you know, I still quite like my back to feel a bit better.

But, you know, sometimes just looking at the, all the gold records, you know, all the gold medals, not just from the Olympics, but, you know, from the World Games and all the other things. And it kind of does take the edge off a little bit. So it's quite nice.

You know, sometimes I'll just be there and I'll be cleaning the gold medals with some Brasso. I don't know why I like the name Brasso. It reminds me a bit when I was in the Sea Cadets, used to have these.

What parts of the body were gold? Not gold, gold, but they were. It's brass. Is it silver? Is it gold? I don't know.

But we had these belts that were part of the makeup, the part of the costume, the Sea Cadets costume. And so there's two types of costume that we had. We had, I don't know what they were called.

They weren't called civvies, because civvies is for Civvy Street, isn't it? But they might have been called civvies, but they were more, there was a one for combat. I suppose that would be the one. And one for, I don't know, Halloween.

Not Halloween. One for like a party, kind of a celebration. Something like D-Day or D-E-Day or B-E-Day or B-O-Day or whatever the various different days there are in the military calendar.

So Trafalgar Day, that's another one. That's quite a big one for the Navy. So every year, Trafalgar Day, we'd all get up and go onto a coach and end up, I think in London or somewhere.

Other things was the annual fate. And we used to march in that as well, which was fun, actually. That was fun.

Because not, I didn't always have to march. I must have been in the Sea Cadets for a few years. I must have been, mustn't I? I think I joined, I think I wasn't allowed to join until I was 12, but I joined when I was 11.

And I probably left when I was 14. Yeah, probably, or 13, 14, something like that. So I was there for a good like two or three years.

And I probably mentioned this before, but there's this, they've got a grading system, which means that you get graded. You get, you know, you get, it's kind of like a promotion. And I think Junior Seaman was the first one.

I'm pretty sure Able Seaman was the, like one of the tops. And you get badges and you get stripes on your shoulders and stuff like that. Now, it took me, I think, three years to get the Junior Seaman badge.

And I think I still hold the record probably today for the child that took the longest amount of time to get the first badge, the first, you know, the first stripe, Junior Seaman. I'm not even joking now. I think I hold the record because usually people get it within about two months, three months, you know, when the next bunch of gradings come around.

And it's, I suppose, a little bit like karate in a sense of, but this, yeah, just like it comes around, the grading comes around every two or three months. And then, you know, so there's probably three opportunities a year. Four, no, four opportunities a year.

And there was people that started at the same time as me, other kids that started at the same time as me. And by the time I got my Junior Seaman badge, my first stripe, they had actually already done a tour in the Navy. They were coming back.

They'd done their six years in the Navy. And they're veterans. It's like, wow.

I remember one saying, yeah, I've been to Kuwait. And I was going on about how he'd done it. I said, yeah, yeah, but I learned how to do all my knots.

And I got my first Junior Seaman badge. And I learned how to clean my shoes. So yeah, it was preparation for joining the Navy.

That's what the Sea Cadets is. The Air Cadets, preparation for joining the RAF, Royal Air Force. The Army Cadets, the Army, preparation for that.

See, my brother was in the Army. No, was he? One of my brothers was in one of the other ones. I think it was in the Army Cadets.

I forget. Either that or the RAF Cadets. But it was preparation.

And quite a few kids did go on to join the forces. There was in the Navy, the Sea Cadets. Because they'd come out on leave, or maybe when they got out, they did their six years or three years or whatever.

They'd come out and they would come and train the Sea Cadets. They'd be part of it. Because they were in the Sea Cadets when they were kids.

So I knew a few, a couple of people that went into the Navy. And also a few that went into the Army. At least one.

Yeah, Douglas went into the Army. And what other ones? I think a lot of it was about discipline. If you break down the word discipline.

Disciple. Innie. Is a disciple.

Innie. Disciple in. Disciple in.

That's what discipline stands for. That's the way it spells. Discipline.

Supposed to be like being controlled, being tempered, being able to do things when you don't feel like doing them. Disciple. I don't know if I want to be anyone's disciple.

So that would be more like doing something for one particular person. Because people don't share disciples, you know. When I talk about disciples, I'm talking about... I read something the other day about a particular leader of disciples back in the 70s or whatever.

And I was like, wow, wow. I sometimes think, I kind of wish I'd joined the Army when I was going to, back in the night when I was 16. I should have joined.

I should have just joined. And I like to think I could have just got my brain back afterwards. So just, you know, joined and gone along with all the brainwashing that they do.

I perhaps left my brain with my gran, with my nan. Just, I'll leave my kindness with you. My sensitivity, I'll leave that with you nanny.

And then I'll come and collect that when I've done my... when I've done enough time in the Navy or the Army, rather, to have a pension. So I'll go in for 16 years and then have a pension. And then I can come out and then I'll do some hypnosis.

I don't know how many years you've got to do to get a pension. I don't know. But yeah, it's, outside of that, I'm not suited for that kind of work because I'm too soft, really.

I think that's kind of the bottom line. I'm too darn soft. Yeah.

Yeah. But I kind of feel I might have missed an opportunity because it might have been real fun. I mean, at the time, I didn't know about what was going to be coming up.

So, because at that time, 1986, as far as I remember, there wasn't a lot going on as far as what England was involved in. There's always lots going on in the world, I know. But if I'd have joined in 1986 and then 1991, the old Kuwait thing happened, so I'd have been sent out there, probably.

And then Rwanda, then Croatia, or, you know, various different things. So yeah, I'd have been out and about. I don't know.

There's no point in regretting this. But I just think anything would be better than working in it. Not working in a chip shop, there's nothing wrong with that, but just for me, I think it's the best part-time job.

Unless you love it. If you love it, or if you own it. If you own it, it's a little gold mine, it can be.

Or if you're getting really, really good wages. But I wasn't. So, I'd have probably been okay if there was a minimum wage back then.

So, if I was getting 15 grand a year, even in this situation, I could get by. I wouldn't have got 15 grand a year then, because there wasn't, it wouldn't have been £8 an hour or £7 an hour, whatever it is, minimum wage. But I didn't realise, no one told me at the time, that, no one sort of sat me down and said, listen Juicy JJ, you're 15, or you're 16, depending on how old I was when they sat me down.

You can do anything. You can do anything you want. No one said that to me, I wish they had.

They said, you don't have to spend all day covered in grease, and stinking of fish, and all kinds of stuff like that, and not having any food, not having enough money to actually buy yourself food. You don't have to live like that. No one opened the options for me.

No one told me there was any other options. And although, I remember once, because I was on the YTS youth training scheme. Again, the idea of the youth training scheme was to train people up to have qualifications that they could use.

It was more for people that perhaps weren't, either weren't or didn't want to do an academic course. I would have fitted into both of those categories. I was not and would not do an academic course.

So the YTS was basically taking, it was replacing the apprentice scheme that used to be around when my dad was my age, that age, leaving school. So what you did back in his age, his day, is you would work for, for example, a plumber, or electrician, or candlestick maker, whatever, it doesn't matter, just whatever the trade was, mechanic, joiner, welder, you know, just this, you know, these are practical jobs that once you were trained, well-paid work, valued work, work that was respected. Because it was, it wasn't easy work to do, you have to learn the trade.

And it was very, you know, I kind of didn't go down that route, because that's my own choice. I chose to do what I did. I was pushed into making a decision and made the wrong decision.

But I was pushed into making decisions. And I didn't, I still don't know how to make decisions very well, sometimes. And I, what did I do? I, so basically, that's what this apprenticeship was for.

But they renamed it the YTS, Youth Training Scheme. And that was to stop people being unemployed. In fact, I wasn't allowed to be unemployed.

Now, because they just put, they'd have put me, forced me onto one of those things. Because you could get unemployment at six, no, or did you have to? I don't know what the rules were. But I know that I don't think kids can get unemployment until they're 18 now.

Or younger people can't. Things have changed, I can't remember. But anyway, what happened, what happened is, during that time, a lot of unscoop, is it unscoopulous? About a lot of, a lot of people took advantage of the scheme.

So, you know, instead of tradesmen, or women, taking on apprentices under the Youth Inquiry, YTS scheme, and then giving them a job at the end of it. Some would, the same people that would have done under the old apprentice scheme. But some would just have them for a year or two, and then just say, no, got no, got no work for you.

So get, they used it for cheap labour. Now, that's not all. Obviously, there's loads that didn't do that.

And the people that were less likely to do it was the actual proper tradespeople, you know, professionals. The people that did do it was people that had restaurants, and pubs, and retail shops, and chip shops. None of those are trades.

They're jobs. But they're not trades. You know, this experience.

But when I left the chip shop, I could work in another chip shop. If you go by the trade of preparing the chips, the fish, the frying, all that stuff, those skills were, you know, I did know what I was doing, and I got taught very well. And I did it for two years.

So I knew what I was doing. I knew, I don't know if I knew what I was doing, but I could do it. And, but it wasn't a trade.

It wasn't something that's going to set me up for life. Like on my dad's day, you know, if you become an electrician, qualified electrician, you're set. As long as you like doing that work, and you're prepared to do it, you're set for life.

Well, you used to be, and I think you still are, to be fair, depending on where you live. Because I know some people might live in a place where the particular trade they are into isn't wanted or needed in that area. So I'm trying to think of an example, but not, what is it? Furniture polisher.

Now that's a trade. And fine, you know, polishing tables, not like with, like spraying some wax on the table and just, you know, dusting it. I mean, proper, you know, I forget what they're called, but they're, it's an art, isn't it? It's a proper trade.

Now that might not be useful in some places. Or piano tuning, another trade. A very specific trade though, and something it takes years to learn to do.

Or building a piano, building a musical instrument, that's a trade. Yeah, might not be required, perhaps in the town that the person is, perhaps no one wants to buy them. Although now with the internet, I think if anyone's any good at something, that can be made and sent in the post, then there's a chance they could earn a living, a good living.

So if they make ukuleles or guitars, or if they make the best guitars, I know someone, I haven't seen him for ages, but his trade is making musical instruments, wooden ones, or stringed instruments, that is, you know, and that's his trade. That's what he's done all his life. And he had an apprentice and apprenticeship, and he's old enough to have done any apprenticeship before they did the YTS.

So basically the YTS was just cheap labor for a lot of people. And I'll give you an example of the difference, because when I was working, I started working before the YTS started. So I started working April 1986, when I was 15.

And I started, I think I started part-time to start with, and then I went full-time. So I was part-time for maybe a couple of weeks. In fact, I'm not even sure, I might have just gone straight full-time, I can't remember.

But I didn't start the YTS until September. So I had like, what, April or May, June, July, August. Yeah, so I had about four months of getting paid money, like an hourly rate.

And I was getting £60 a week, which is a heck of a lot of money for a 15-year-old back in 1986. And what it was for me, I'd never had that amount of money before. And I'd worked lots of different part-time jobs, but £60 cash in my hand, like, wow, I don't know what the equivalent would be now.

But, and so I had that for about four months. In that time, though, it was quite weird, because the only reason I got that job is because my dad, I was just coming to the point where I was leaving school. It was like that, I think it was that week, and my dad caught me in the garden because I was hiding.

And he said, what are you going to do? I said, what? What do you mean? He said, were you leaving school? I didn't have the option of going on to do A-levels. It was, it was kind of not offered to me. And he said, what are you going to do? I said, university.

And then when we both got up off the floor, because we were laughing for about an hour, when we both got up, he said, no, seriously, though, son, what are you going to do? I said, I don't know. He said, we've got to do something. And I thought, for the first time, I'd never felt pressured before to get a job.

I'd always had part-time jobs before, and now it's my own choice. I never, I hadn't even thought about what was going to happen when I left school. I was just living at home with my family, and I think at that time, most of us were still there, I think.

And so I thought, I'll show in. And I got that job in a chip shop. Later on, a few years later, my dad said, I thought it was just temporary.

But it didn't, you know, it's like, I only did it, I only got it so I could just say to him, I've got a job. And it's quite weird. I must have, no one seemed very impressed with my job.

Couldn't really understand it. Anyway, I remember the, I don't remember the interview I had. But I remember walking into the shop with my friend Dean, and I said, here's a job.

You got a job I can have? And he said, oh, all right, we'll come and see me at whatever time, three o'clock or something. I said, all right. Went and saw him, and he said, yeah.

They just let you know, nothing, I don't know if they told me straight away, or they might have done, him and his wife. And they said, in September, you're going to be on the YTS scheme, which means you'll be getting £27 a week. Was it £27.30 in the first year.

And in the second year, you'll get £35. And, but in the meantime, you'll get paid full time. And all I was focusing on was two things.

First, this will show my dad. And secondly, I'm getting paid. And that was, that excited me.

So, it's quite weird, because when I started the job, everything was kind of, well, I thought it was kind of okay. And I'm not sure if I was even going to stay there. I think for me, it was just nothing.

I mean, you know, September, we're talking April, thinking about what's happening in September. I mean, they could have said, oh, is it okay if we give you cat food pie in September? Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, so you can have cat food pie, you eat it, you'll eat it, will you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't care what happens in September, it's April. And I probably wasn't planning to stay there. Part of me thought, if I was good, then they'll just keep me on, like proper, you know, but that didn't happen.

But they made me, they insisted I did the YTS. It's almost like they wanted cheap labour. That's a weird one.

And I'm sure that wasn't the case. And to be fair, though, they kind of ended up sort of being my family. So regardless of the crappy money and everything, you know, there was a point where I didn't have hardly any contact with anybody.

Because the old parents, you know, the family fell up, what kind of broke up and everything. And yeah, it was weird. But I'll tell you what, though, to go from 60 pounds down to 27 pounds.

Oh, that was a culture shock. That was a weird one, that was. And Andre just come out to do a poo.

Bless him. The first thing I did when I actually got my first week's wages was, because in them days, and for quite a few years afterwards, wages used to be in a little brown envelope, cash, a little payslip. But cash written out in pen would be, you know, maybe if you worked for a big company, maybe it'd be printed, I don't know.

But it used to be like how much it is, how much tax, I didn't get taxed. I was 15. And, but the 60 pounds like, whoa.

So the first thing I did was, I went and bought a sword, samurai sword from this, it was down near the seafront, near the video shop. It was, they had weaponry. It was kind of like an antique store, but a lot of weapons and stuff like that, armor and a few tanks, colored jet planes.

And there's a penguin in the corner for some reason. Yeah, I got this samurai, I'd had my eye on it for a while. And I thought, I always wanted to get myself a sword.

I said always, but for the last three years or so, to me, I was like 13, maybe 14. 13, yeah. Ever since I've been doing the karate, and I got this sword, like, yay, baby.

It was heavy, heavier than my leg. I guess, I've never lifted my leg. Not really, it's always been attached, so I kind of don't know how heavy it is.

But this proper, this sword, was my pride and joy. It had a scabbard, and a scab, scabbard, and black, beautiful handle. It's probably just a replica.

I'm sure it wasn't an original one from samurai land. But I loved it. I loved it a lot.

And I kept it for years, kept it for years. And eventually, I sold it, like I did nearly most things. Probably needed some bread and butter, so I got rid of it.

How dramatic. I needed to get myself some bread and some cheese. Yes, and I treated myself to a tea bag.

Yes, a tea bag, so I had to sell all my belongings for such things. I don't know how I got onto the subject of, yeah, I have no idea. I think I talked about maybe going into the army when I was 15, 16.

Yes, 16. This bloke in the army place, so I went in there, and it was in the next town. And I wasn't old enough to join yet.

I was 15. And he said, well, come back when you're 16. And then I'd sort of, I kind of became friends with him, because I was going in there and just saying hello to him when I was in town.

And he'd say, yeah, you all right? Yeah. And then I'd sort of say, no, I'm not sure if I want to join. He said, come on, it'll be fun.

I said, I'm not sure. He said, oh, come on. I said, oh, all right then.

So I had the, I did the physical, which was there, you know, and I was in perfect health. And then I did the, well, the physical, medical, whatever it is, you know, just to check that everything's fine. Had to do the exercises, press-ups, sit-ups, and all that stuff to make sure I was okay with that, which I was.

And then they gave me the written test, which I passed. So the written test must have been very easy. And he said, and even I think about it now, I was like, oh, I feel a little bit of excitement.

I should have done it. It would have been, I don't know, it would have been an adventure. And he said, oh, that's it.

Good. You've passed everything. So now you just need to go to the weekend training.

That's the next step, weekend training. And we need to test your physical, you know, health, your stamina, and check that you can, that you're capable of, you know, passing the tests at the weekend. And plus also you get a chance to see what it's like to be in that environment, you know, for a couple of days and see how you get on with other people and stuff.

And he said, if you pass that, then you'll be going away on your six-week training. So basically I'll be enrolled in the army as soon as I pass the weekend. And then you get enrolled, that's back then you enrolled.

And I think during that six weeks, you have an opportunity to leave or for them to kick you out, you know, well, they've always got an opportunity to kick you out. But I think I think during the six weeks training, it's, I think there was a little bit of flexibility. I think, but I never got that far.

I chickened out of the weekend. I had it, I had it booked, had it planned, you know, I was supposed to go along and I was supposed to turn up and get the coach there. In fact, I think the man was actually going to drive me up there.

And he, the man, he was a sergeant. He was like in charge of the recruitment office. So he's probably going to drive me and a few other kids up there.

And I ended up not turning up, just didn't turn up, didn't show up. And I actually thought that the army were going to come and I thought I was going to get into trouble. I did.

I actually thought, oh, I hid. And yeah, the army man afterwards told me, no, you're not committed to going. It's your choice at this point.

Once you sign on a dotted line, once you join, then you can't just leave and do what you want. But, you know, at this point, you're fine. And I was like, oh, oh, oh, I like, oh, someone tickled my tummy.

I'm so happy. So yeah, that's another little memory shared. Another little memory shared.

So I'm going to go. Thank you for listening to my boring stories. And I'll speak to you soon.

Remember, remember to be kind to yourself. Because, because, because, because you deserve, you deserve to be happy. Happy, happy.

Lots of love. Love, love, love. Bye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.