#274 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (11th December 2019)

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You to Sleep. My name is Jason Newland. My website is jasonnewland.com. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

Right, that's not all. I'm going to give an introduction because there's a few little bits that I need to just let you know. First of all, you may have noticed, you may not have noticed, there are no longer any adverts on this podcast.

The reason for that is because of complaints, but you know, looking into it, the adverts were much louder than the audio. But it wasn't just that, it was people that listen, for example, on Spotify or any other podcast host would perhaps listen to the end and then listen to the next episode, the next recording, and then it'd be adverts at the beginning of that one, which would jolt them out of sleep or jolt them out of their boredom-ness. So I don't want that, you know, it kind of defeats the object.

I'm here to help, not to hinder, you know. So I got rid of the adverts. The second thing is there's been a few issues with Spotify.

I've had some messages on Facebook about it, and I know I've mentioned this before, but I'll say it again because not everybody would have perhaps listened to yesterday's episode or the day before. So basically what's happened is the old podcasts that I had, which Spotify took and downloaded the episodes, are no longer there. So I've got new podcasts with all those episodes plus more.

So if you maybe have been listening to a Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast on Spotify, which goes up to 77 recordings, when actually there's now 274. Now this will be 274th, so there's a lot more. As well as with the Relaxation For Stress And Anxiety podcast, that went up to 34 podcast episodes, when in fact there's now 66, and that's now got off as well.

So what I've done, all these podcasts are still on Spotify, the updated ones. It's just the old ones, and if people are used to going to that link, they'll end up with nothing. Now apparently they're blank.

So what I've done, on my website, jasonnewland.com, there's a page called My Podcasts. You click on that and there's links to every podcast, the top six podcasts that I do. So the Sleep Hypnosis Weekly, Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis, that's it, Relaxation Hypnosis For Stress, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Let Me Bore You To Sleep, this one, Hypnosis For Sleeping Deeply, and Sleep Insomnia Hypnosis.

So those six podcasts that are all honed, they all live on Spreaker. But as well as being on Spreaker, they're also on our website as well. So everything I do is added to the website.

So you can download it for free or you can stream it for free. And what I've done on the My Podcasts page, you can basically go there and there's a list of podcasts like Apple, Spotify, Stitcher, CastBox. There's a list of those.

You can go on there and then choose which podcast you want, like Let Me Bore You To Sleep or Deep Sleep Whisper. Or if you go further down the page, there's just each podcast, Let Me Bore You To Sleep, Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis, with the podcast names next to them, like Apple, Spotify. So you can just click on Spotify and it'll take you to the page.

Or if you click on Spotify at the top and then click on Let Me Bore You To Sleep, that'll take you to the page. So it's all, it's kind of done, so you can get to it two different ways. As well as that, as well as that, I realized that, you know, I'm trying to, I want things to be easy.

I don't want things to be complicated. And because I don't really, I don't deal with complicated very well myself. Don't, you know, that's why I have slip-on shoes.

Keep those laces away from me. And buckles, what the heck? Buckles? No, I don't mind a little bit of sticky stuff, you know, the thing that sticks. But slip-ons, that's, that's where I'm at in my life.

And what I've started doing, and it's going to take me a while because of how many recordings I've got, it's quite a laborious task. I've started for each episode that I post on my website. So you can download it for free.

You can stream it. And there's a embedded streamed recording from Spreaker. So you can just click play and play it on there.

And you can do all this on your phone or tablet or laptop or whatever. And so what I've done is for each recording underneath the player, which you can play and stream it, I've also listed the podcast hosts, where it's at. So Apple, so listen to this episode on Apple, listen to it on Spotify.

And as well as you can click on this, the Spotify or the Apple, you know, link, I've also included the whole link. So if you wanted to, you could copy and paste it into a browser. I was trying to kind of cover all angles, you know.

But this is a very, it's not difficult to do for me, but it just takes forever. It's really, it's really boring. It's really, really boring.

And while I'm doing that, all I want to do is just go to sleep. I just want to go and lay down because it's sending me to sleep. Because it's really unstimulating.

I want it to be done, but I've only got six podcasts on the website at the moment. It has six different, you know, the top six. I'm intending to put all of them on there.

But I want to get these ones sorted first. So I hope that makes sense. I put a link to the My Podcasts page on Facebook.

I posted that yesterday. And I've started trying to post with the recording that I put on Facebook when I do a new one. Also post the links of where, you know, podcasts, the direct link to where it is online.

For example, Spotify and stuff. The problem with that is, to be fair, I don't need to do the individual links, do I? Yeah, I don't need to do the individual links. Maybe just do a link to the podcast.

I don't know, just I don't know. It's me, isn't it? I just like to, I like to make things complicated, even though I don't want them to be complicated. Sabotage.

That's what it is. Self-sabotaging. So let's have a quick drink.

It's, I don't know what time it is. It's not one o'clock yet, I think. 1240, I think.

See now, I've got the windows open. It's quiet. And all day long, it's been windy.

Proper windy. Like window rattling windy. And now, nothing.

Which is, really is boring. That was a boring sentence. That was boring.

So I went out today, or yesterday. I had five pound that I lent someone and they gave it back to me on Friday. So a 73 pence or whatever in the bank and a five pound note that's been on my table.

And I needed to get some milk on Monday or Sunday night, but I just, I made do with toast for two days breakfast instead of my normal porridge. And then today, I thought, what I'll do is I'll have a bath and I'll go out and I'll try and get, hopefully get, get what I need with that five pound. And that was my goal.

But before I got here, before I left, my headphones arrived. My beautiful headphones. Oh, they're lovely.

And they had noise cancelling. I mean, even without any music being played, with the headphones on, it reduces the sound around, which is beautiful. So I was, at one point I was standing at a bus stop and I, I thought I'd turn the volume down.

I turned the, the music off and had my headphones on, just to see if anyone was talking about me, which they weren't. But it was really nice to hear the sound, the traffic going past. I could still hear it, but it was just much quieter.

Really nice. So I found it, I found it improved my experience of traveling on the bus and going into the supermarket and buying the bits that I needed, just to have a bit of music playing. And just, and because it's noise cancelling, I don't have to have it up very loud in order for me to hear the music, if that makes sense.

So I don't need to have it on full blast, because I can hear the music. So I don't generally have loud music. I do sometimes.

I did earlier. I mean, I, you know, sometimes if you're going to play Pipes of Peace by Paul McCartney, you've got to have it blasting out. And yeah, it's, it's a ravey song, isn't it? It's one you want to dance to.

So I, as I was waiting for the bus, again, the bus was about 20 minutes late. So I'm not really sure what's going on within buses at the moment. Luckily, I didn't have any appointments or anything.

So it didn't matter, you know, very much about, you know, what time you got there. But when I went to get on, it was all these people standing at the front of the bus. And I thought, first of all, I thought people were just getting off and not getting each other, you know, I mean, getting off the bus.

I was on the love bus. And I thought, oh, but they weren't, they were just standing there because the bus was so busy. So I get on.

And I was like, well, there's nowhere to sit. So I just had to stand, basically, just near where the driver was. Eventually, I realized if the bus stopped really quickly, I'm going to, you know, I've got my back to the, I don't know, I'm just in quite a vulnerable position.

So I moved up a little bit so I could have something to grab hold of. And she said, can you get off me, please? I said, sorry, I thought you were a post. I didn't, that never happened.

A post, a bar, you know, one of those things you grab hold of when you're on a bus. I did talk to a lady. She was nice.

I don't normally talk to people on a bus, but she was, she was friendly. And in this, I don't like to say the word elderly anymore, because she's probably not that much older than me. You know, she's probably maybe like 15.

She might have only been like 10, 12 years older than me. But she's, you know, she seemed elderly. And she had a, like a trolley thing.

And I know just from experience that a lot of people, like my nan did, they take trolleys with them. Because when they got a trolley, they don't need a walking stick. They use the trolley kind of as a, to go shopping, but as well as a way of supporting them and getting around.

So I'm kind of aware of that. I don't know how many, if other people are. I guess there's a lot of people that haven't had much experience of old fogies.

So like elderly people. So what I did is I got off the bus. And I helped, well I didn't help her, I just let her struggle.

But I let her get on first, let her get on so that she could sort of get on the bus. I didn't let her struggle. What am I saying stuff like that for? I didn't.

And I was thinking, where's she going to sit? And she moves up and nobody gave their seat. I didn't have a seat to give. And it was all these young people sitting on the front, on the seats that you're supposed to give up to elderly people, whatever, you know.

And no one moved. And then what eventually someone did, it was about four seats up, a girl sort of said, do you want to sit here? And I was like, isn't it, I don't know. I kind of, I don't know.

I just, I think, I don't know if it's just people. I was like, I suppose it was my generation or the generation before mine would have been judging my generation for not doing the things that they did. So it's probably the same thing.

So my generation is now judging the younger generation because they're not, they haven't got the same morals or the same rules. Let's say rules, not morals. Rules, you know, like a lot of people, it's not just young people to be fair, but a lot of people don't know how to queue for a bus or they don't give their seat up for an elderly person on a bus or that kind of stuff is, but then I never got told that at school.

I suppose it's that part of my brain worked. I was fortunate, but it's just, I'm worried though. I'm worried that, you know, one day I'm going to be on the bus and I have a lady smile at me and I smile back at her thinking, oh, I've pulled her.

She looks like she likes me. What a wonderful day. And she stands up and gives a chair, gives a seat to me because I'm elderly.

And she's young. She's like, oh, okay. And her hips work.

Mine don't anymore. I feel so old. Oh, I woke up today.

I couldn't believe it. I had a bath. Couldn't believe that either.

I had a bath and it was quite a nice experience actually. You know, not like, I won't be writing a poem about it, but it was, it was quite nice. And I got, got out of the bath, dried myself off, flossed me, flossed, flossed in the gaps and flattened, not flattened, flattened.

And then I just, I looked in the mirror. I realised as I was kind of wiping my face, I realised that my nose was sore. A big spot on my nose.

It's gone now. I just had to check. I couldn't believe I had a pimple on my nose and I don't get spots very often.

Here's my theory. I bought these, I use face wipes. That I use every night before I go to sleep.

And first thing in the morning, if I, before, if I don't have a bath first thing, then I'll have a, I'll use these wipes for my face. To try and, you know, keep my face in, just perfect. You know, you know how, you know, perfect.

And I've got these new ones. Normally it's, I don't use a specific one, but it's like Evian facial wipe or whatever, you know, just to try and keep my face clean and perfect. You know, perfect.

Anyway, I bought these new ones last week, I think it was, or the week before. Oh, my creaky chair, my creaky chair that I'm going to have forever and ever. I, um, I bought this new pack of face wipes, which were anti-aging.

And even, I'm sure they even said on there, like, you know, you feel younger, you look younger. So, okay, I'll have, I'll have a little go at that. I'll have a little taste of that, that sausage dog, which doesn't make sense.

And I've got an itchy. Okay, it's done. So I thought I'd get these.

They weren't expensive. And I like things that cost a pound. And I liked that long before the pound shops became popular.

I mean, they're not really popular anymore, but they used to be really popular. The pound shops, pound land. There was a shop that opened actually when I first moved here in this town in nine, what, 2007.

There was a shop, there was a pound land. In fact, there was two pound lands. And, um, pound land, the pound shop.

I don't know. But there was another one. And it was called Around a Pound.

Around a Pound. So like roughly a pound, maybe a little bit more, maybe a little bit less. And I was like, brilliant.

Never went in there. But I just loved the, the sign Around a Pound. So yeah.

But how, there was a pound shop. It might have been pound land. I don't know.

But it closed down. I thought, oh my goodness. The high street is in trouble if pound shops are closing down.

What's next? The charity shops? What's next? Coffee shops? Oh, I don't go into town much these days. I used to. But then I used to live in town.

And I find things much easier to get to if they're close, you know. When something's further away, it just seems to take longer to get to. I don't really know why.

But something about distance. Never been a fan of distance. I have had some long distance relationships.

Yeah, I dated someone years ago. And I lived in London. She lived in Suffolk.

And then I moved to Ireland. And she still stayed in Suffolk. And then she got a new boyfriend.

And in her defense, she said that you moved out of the country. And you said you were never coming back. I couldn't really argue with it.

I was like, oh yeah. Didn't really think that one through. So, what are the long distance relationships? Oh, here's a funny story.

It's absolutely... I met this girl, and I was probably 17 when I met her, at a caravan site at the town that I lived. I met her in the summer, and I had a dance with her. I don't think we kissed, but we danced.

I mean, to me back then, that was practically marriage. You know, I didn't really... I wasn't always able to read the signs. I think I thought of it too much more of it than she did.

But I used to phone her up, and we'd have a laugh, and I'd make her laugh, and talk rubbish for an hour or something. And I remember going to the phone box I was talking to her for a year. Yeah, a year.

Not every day, and not a year constantly, like the whole year. But, you know, every now and then for a year. And we'd write to each other, and I'd send her letters saying that she was... I don't know what I used to say.

I probably used to write poems, because I used to be romantic when I was younger. I've got no romance in me at all now, but I used to. I was so romantic.

I really, really believed in romance, and love, and all that stuff. But I probably sent some really nice letters, you know, opening my heart, and telling her how she's the most wonderful person in the world. And I can't wait to lose my virginity when she comes back on holiday.

I probably didn't put that. Anyway, so in the meantime, because we weren't together, but it was more kind of, let's see what happens when I come back next year. So she was coming back on holiday the same time the following year.

So I held up a lot of hope, you know, that something would happen, that she... because I really liked her. And then I met someone else that summer. It was... I was 18.

So the summer of 1988. And she had ginger hair. Not really relevant to the story, but yeah, I liked her, and we liked each other and stuff.

But it was more of a childish relationship, because I was very childish, basically. And she... well, anyway, she was... I was 18. She was 15.

But just before her 16th birthday, and nothing had happened or anything between us. And then on her 16th birthday, so we'd kind of gone out, and... Yeah, she's... I thought she was 16. I don't care.

But she wasn't. She was just before 16. But on her 16th birthday, she invited me around, because she was babysitting.

And she invited me around to probably have a nice evening together, because I was still a Virgo back then. And I kind of, you know... But I didn't take the hint. And because me and her, it wasn't really... I liked her, but, you know, nothing was really happening.

And she was a bit young, but she was friends with my landlady's daughter. So I kind of... she was just always around. So I just got to know her.

And then this girl, I think she lived in Stevenage or something. She came down on holiday again. So my decision on that night, instead of spending it with my girlfriend, well, she wasn't really my girlfriend, but she could have become my girlfriend.

And instead of that, I went to see the other girl, who I'd kind of been longing for, you know, for a year. And then I turned up, couldn't find her anywhere. It turned out she was hiding from me, which was a bit weird, because we kind of did plan that I was... we would meet up next time she came.

In her defense, she did say, yeah, I told... I said that to you six months ago, things have changed. I said, okay. It turned out, right, that the whole time she was... that whole year, she had a boyfriend.

And that boyfriend was in my town, someone that she met while she was on holiday the previous year. And she went on to have kids with him. The things that women would do to avoid dating me is ridiculous.

And then nothing happened with the other... I can't remember her name. And to be honest, I liked her friend better. She was older as well.

She was just funny. She was the landlord or landlady's daughter. And she was... she'd left school, so I don't know how they managed to be friends.

But yeah, she'd left school. And she was just a bundle of energy. So I think she probably was about 16.

By the way, those listening in America, 18 is legal. I know you've got to be 18 to do rumpy-pumpy in America, but in England, it's 16. So it's... so there.

Just like drinking alcohol, we can drink alcohol here at 18. Yours is 21. But then you get to have guns, so we don't.

So, you know, kind of all evens itself out in the end. 16? That's disgusting. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I... To be fair, I wasn't... I was... I didn't lose my cherry until I was 19. So there you go. 19... it was... what was it? The year was 2000.

So I wasn't just 19. I was nearly 20, which is embarrassing. It was the summer of 2020.

No, 1990 rather. Summer of 1990 with Michelle, my name was. And I even remember her surname, but I won't say it.

But Michelle. And she was beautiful. And even then it was weird because I was so nervous, so nervous of doing the deed that I kind of said to her, because she was older than me, she was I think she was about 25 and had about 17 children.

So she was a little bit more experienced than I was. And I think she was a Coke mule as well. I don't know.

Anyways, but yeah, she was... I liked her. She was nice. And we... And I wrote... she wrote me a letter.

So we discussed, you know, my situation. She wrote me a letter saying, you know, I'd really like to take your staff sign away from you, but I, you know, I don't want to hurt you because I'm not sure if I can give you what you need. And I said, I don't need anything, just, you know, I'm moving to London next year to do comedy.

I'm not sticking around here. And at one point she did want to move in with me. She wanted to get a flat together.

And I said, no, no, I'm moving away. And I did love her, but I knew I did, I really did love her. She was absolutely amazing.

But the fact is, I don't, you know, I wasn't the only person in her life. And her kids were in America or something. So I don't know what that was about.

But she was, I really liked her and yeah. So she's, she was my first, and I was absolutely terrible. It was, I'm just, I mean, imagine now, I can imagine because I was really slim back then and it was almost like trying to do yoga on a waterbed.

It was, it was, it was, it was just weird. The whole, I really did not know what I was doing. And I'm not, I'm not saying that she was like a waterbed, but it kind of felt a little bit like I was just trying to do something I didn't know how to do.

And it was almost like feeding someone dog food. You know, fun for the person feeding, but not much fun for the person eating. You know, I kind of felt like that was possibly what was going on there.

So I did feel sorry for her because I really didn't know what I was doing. I still don't, but I don't care now. Back then I used to care.

I used to kind of, I said I was romantic and I wanted to, I used to think it was important to please your partner. Now I know it's not, but I used to, I used to think, I used to think it was. I did.

I used to thought, I used to think, you know, emotions were involved, but maybe it's, you know, I've learned as I got older, you know, I've educated in that. Oh dear. Oh, I need to eat something.

But at the same time, I can't be bothered. You know that feeling when you're just like, oh, oh, I could have a pizza. I do have a pizza that I could put in the oven and it takes about 20 minutes.

I've got so lazy with the microwave lately. Really just stiff, sticking something in for 12 minutes. Like a cooked meal and it's done.

It's like, it's easy, easy. So I kind of, the idea of heating up the oven and then waiting for it to be cooked. Really? That's just, that's so last week.

Oh, I can't be bothered. I think my whole life would have been different though if I'd have not gone to look for that girl with the caravan site. I say look, I thought I was meeting her.

I wasn't, you know, wasn't sort of chasing her around. Although it did seem a bit like that at some time, a bit like a Benny Hill sketch or some kind of comedy sketch. Honestly, I was looking through people's caravan, looking for her.

Perhaps I shouldn't have done that, but I was only young. I was only a youngster. I was only 39.

And I reckon if I'd have stayed with, if I'd have kind of had a relationship with the other girl who was a legal age at that point, I'd probably have kids. I suppose technically in America I would be having a kid, wouldn't it? But, but, you know, I mean like having children, giving birth and stuff. So, and I just, I could have spent the last 30 years of my life raising loads of children, because I think that's probably what she wanted.

There's nothing wrong with it, but I don't, I don't, I'm not sure if I see myself in that capacity. No, I don't know. It was weird though, because I've got on really well with her family, because I used to go around and I've got on well with her mum and her brothers.

Brothers were funny. And older brothers, and I think there was a couple that were sort of a bit younger than me. One was older.

So they were all, they were all cool with me. And I stayed over, but I'd sleep in the living room and she'd sleep in her bedroom. And there'd be no naughty business, because she wasn't old enough yet.

So we had to, it was literally, I met her, I think probably three weeks before her 16th birthday, something like that. I hope I'll keep stopping mentioning it, I don't know. But God, I was so immature.

I still am really, I suppose. I don't mind now though, because I don't care anymore. So that's a good thing.

You know, it's like, it doesn't matter. I don't want nothing from anyone. I don't want to give anything to anyone.

I'm very neutral. I'm just in my little home with my little ferret, eating pizza. I love that lady on the bus, it's quite nice.

I had a nice face, but I had my headphones on and I felt so relaxed. Really kind of dimmed out the background sound. It was nice.

So I haven't got to worry about dimming out the voices in my head or anything like that, because it doesn't do that anyway, if there's, I don't mean voices, voices, but thoughts are going to arise anyway. But being on the bus is a bit of a, well being out in public is a bit of a distraction. My stomach's rumbling now.

Feed me, feed me. I was thinking about how many ginger stuff, ginger girls, ladies that I've not frequented and had friendships with, or kind of romantic encounters, kind of. So I'm just trying to think.

So there was, there was a girl at school, had ginger hair. I'll include the ones that I liked, as well as the ones that I actually got with, or kissed, or held hands or whatever. So there was a girl at school, there was a girl called Wendy, who worked at a chip shop, who I really liked.

And she had ginger hair. And I really, pretty much was in love with her, like proper, proper in love with her. And she ended up going out with someone like 15 years old.

So, you know, she, it was, but I think part of that was his, his mum, his mum, the kid that was dating her, his mum was dating someone half her age. So I think he's kind of was influenced a bit by that, and had the confidence to ask out a fully grown woman. And yeah, I don't know, he might have been just under 16 or whatever, but he was, she couldn't have been, she must, I'm sure she was younger than me.

And I was there when I was 15 to 17. By Allah, I loved her. Wendy.

So who else was there? So nothing happened there. I did go on a date with her once. And at a cinema, and she agreed eventually to come to the cinema with me.

And I saw her coming and I hid. And then when I stopped hiding and looked for her, she was disappeared. So I kind of messed up a little bit.

So I ended up going in and watching Crocodile Dundee in a cinema on my own. Nope. That's what I did.

So it's a good film, but I still, anyway, so that was that. So who else was there? Her. So her, Wendy.

The one from, yeah, the one when I was 18. And then anything 19, 19, 20. When I was 20, I kind of had a thing with another ginger girl.

When I was 20, she was lovely. From South London. And what other ones? 2005, I dated a girl with ginger hair.

So that's five. 2005, 2005, 2000. There's another one in 2006, 2007.

I probably dated a few that I forget about. But so that's five. There was a ginger.

Oh yeah, I got married to a ginger woman for 15 years. I forgot about that. No, I'm only kidding.

I dated someone that had kind of ginger hair. It was more kind of mousy, but it was gingery. In 2001, I think that was.

Or 2000. In 2001, I met someone that I really, really liked and she had ginger hair. But I did never get to date her, but I did become friends with her.

And yeah, she kind of, very similar to the girl from South London who I've met 10 years earlier. Very similar. So that was her, but I didn't ever, nothing really happened there.

I'm sure there was others. What others? Yeah, I dated a ginger hair girl in, I didn't realize she was ginger. And because she had, she used to dye her hair.

But she was ginger and she, I dated her in 2005, I think. And just trying to think back. There's a few, I got a hug.

It's a hug, a cuddle with a ginger girl or lady at this charity do thing. And I met her a few times. I really liked her.

And I just didn't pursue, I didn't ask her out or anything, but we had a hug and it lasted for quite a long time. But anyway, so that's nine. Since then, no, I don't think there's been any others.

When I was a DJ, I probably kissed a few. I kissed lots of people or they kiss me. Anything to get me to play the song they wanted.

They were just using me like a piece of meat. I never felt so used. And no, I don't remember any others.

So I like ginger girls. Something, I like any color, hair or skin. I don't really don't care.

I just, I think women are great. Not all of them, obviously, because not all of anything's great, is it? But I do, I do like ladies. Met a lot of really nice ones.

Met a few really horrible ones as well. Really, like personality wise. That was what was weird because when I was a DJ and I was literally, it was like being at a buffet, you know, just, it was, I don't know the right words, but it was, there was no effort on my part.

And I was in my prime, I guess, I don't know. And I got a lot of attention for whatever reason, mainly because I was in control of the music, I guess. And yeah, most of my, the dating that I did happened during those four years when I was a DJ.

That was when I was really sort of, it's the only time I've ever really had a social life, really. Had a bit of a social life, I guess, when I was at Butlins, but that was with work colleagues. And that was like work hard, play hard kind of atmosphere.

And it's the only time in my life that I've drunk heavily. I used to drink, you know, when I was at Butlins, I was drinking a lot, a lot of alcohol, but then I was eating a lot. So I was absorbing, you know, I was having three cooked meals a day, which was the first time in my life that I'd ever had that.

You know, most of my adult life, I'd have a sandwich for lunch and maybe a cooked meal in the evening, but to have a cooked breakfast, cooked lunch and a cooked dinner and evening, you know, snacks as well. Never had that before in my life. So I put weight on.

Plus I was drinking every night and having fun. I haven't dated many blonde ladies. I seem to, I seem to, what girlfriends have I had? I can't even remember the last time I had a girlfriend.

I guess about a month ago, but that didn't last long. But before that, years ago, I had Brunette. Before that, Brunette.

Before that, kind of, yeah, Brunette, I suppose. Well, grey hairs covered over by Brunette. Before that, yeah, the one I had before, before I did the university course, she was kind of blonde-ish, probably kind of more red, reddy hair, you know, that kind of, I think, I can't remember.

I can't remember what she looks like. And the one before her was, oh yeah, it was, what's her name? Yeah, she had blonde hair. And then the one before her had red hair.

The one before her had blonde hair. And the one before her had blonde hair. I suppose there's been a few blondes.

Never usually that bothered by hair. I never dated a baldy. Not that I'm aware of anyway.

But even that wouldn't really bother me, to be fair. I don't care about stuff like that. If anything, it'd be quite a novelty.

It'd be like dating someone nine foot tall. It's like, oh, cool. Especially they've got massive, massive breasts, and I can hide under there when it's raining.

Yeah, that's why I want them to be massive, so I could use them as umbrellas. Ella, Ella, Ella, Ella. Yeah.

Andre's sister had ginger hair. Like the original Andre. You know, Andre is namesake.

His sister had ginger hair. And my friend Kevin used to, was together with his sister. And he had curly hair.

You know, like, you know, naturally curly. He had that, like, naturally curly hair, which you don't really, don't see very often. It's very, very curly.

But then my hair's very curly, if I let it grow. Which I'm going to. I'm going to let it grow long.

I've now decided if our Prime Minister can have messy hair, so can I. Although I'm hoping that our Prime Minister in two days time will be a 72 year old with glasses. That's what I'm hoping. But hey, what can you do? What can you do with a drunk concealer? What can you do That's kind of it really.

So that's my gingers done. Tomorrow I'll talk about feet. I'll talk about feet.

There is something exotic about ginger girls. Because I know some people talk about gingers in a derogatory way. I don't feel that way.

I think ginger hair is beautiful. And yeah, not always, obviously. I mean, Simply Red is an example.

You know, it's holding back the years. Yeah, I mean, I've got ginger in my family, though. Because two of my cousins have got ginger kids.

I think three of my cousins have got ginger kids, actually. And my grandmother's brother was ginger. Not when I met him, he was grey.

Because he was about 95. I mean, honestly, half his body had already turned to dust. He was quite old.

But he, he used to be ginger. And I think one of my her sisters was also gingery. So I've got ginger in my genes.

Which means I'm never gonna have a kid now. I don't know. I can't imagine it works anymore.

I could have a ginger child. I could give birth to a ginger. And how cool would that be? I'd also be an instant billionaire if I gave birth, wouldn't I? Oh, someone said, oh, I want to give birth, I would.

Instant billionaire. I'd be so rich overnight. There's not one magazine or newspaper that wouldn't want to interview me and take pictures.

All those pictures of my redness, holding my little ginger baby. Yeah. Anyway, that's it.

So that's the, I fancy a gingerbread man. I might get one tomorrow to treat myself. I've waited two weeks to get paid.

And I've literally just been, I've had food and stuff in. I'm just making some weird noises. I've had food and everything.

I just, I haven't had many treats. I'd quite like a little treat tomorrow. That's what I'm gonna do.

Gonna give myself a little treat. Maybe, maybe, I don't know. I'll find something.

Yeah, I'll find something. Maybe a gingerbread man. Maybe a gingerbread man and a hooker.

No, just a gingerbread man. T.J. Hooker was one of my favorite programs years ago. T.J. Hooker and the Fall Guy.

I am the unknown stuntman that makes Eastwood look so fine. I wonder if he really did have a fake eye. He always had that, didn't he? That, like, he'd be looking through one eye, even when he was a stuntman.

Anyway, I'm gonna go because I think my time slot has been filled. And I'm gonna get some food for myself. So, thank you very much for listening.

Take care of yourselves. Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. And try not to take anything that I ever say too seriously because I'm just babbling on about nothing.

So, take care of yourselves. Lots of love. Bye.