#257 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (18th November 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

And just thank you for listening really. And just to let you know that all of my recordings, all of my videos, everything is all on my website. It's all organized.

So it's quite a good place to go, you know, to find stuff. Because some people are surprised that I do other things other than this podcast. So I get the occasional message on Facebook saying, you know, do you have any, do you do any, do you have any sessions for anxiety? And then I post, you know, send them the link to my podcast for anxiety, which has got 63 sessions.

I've got hundreds of relaxation sessions. On a podcast, you know, so it's over, what was it, it's over 1100 recordings that I have on my website. And they're all available to download, to stream.

So yeah, I'm thinking of, well basically I'm running out of space on the, with Spreaker, which is the podcast host. Running out of space on there for my recordings. So I'm kind of having to delete older ones from the, from one of my podcasts, which is okay at the moment because it doesn't interfere with the website.

Because I've kept them on the actual podcast, you know, the original podcasts. And none of this I think makes sense actually. But what I'm thinking of doing is deleting maybe like the older, the archive recordings from this week, this podcast, from Deep Sleep Whisper podcast.

And, you know, delete them from the podcast, and then still have them on the website. I have them available to download, you know, people pay to download them. Because it's either that or it's going to cost me an extra $50.

Yeah, like $50 a month extra for the next Tariff subscription that I've got, which I'm going to run out of space very quickly. And it's part of the reason why I've been doing less recordings the last couple of weeks. Because I know that I'm fast running out of space.

And so I need to think of a solution for that. And but at the same time, I don't want to take them off completely, because it just seems a shame to have all these recordings and then sort of start taking off hundreds, hundreds of recordings, because I'm running out of space on the podcast, you know, that I'm using. So, and that's, this is boring.

What? This isn't got to be one of the most boring introductions ever. That is brilliant. So, that's what I'm thinking of doing.

I need to look into how to do it on my website so that I'm not taking you to a different website in order to purchase those that want to, like the older recordings. So I'm going to look into it. So I'm going to look into it tonight when I've recorded this and spend the night doing that.

So it's, I'll be uploading this at half 12 on Monday morning. Monday the 30th, I think. I think it's the 12th today.

But it'll be the 30th when I actually finish the recording. So this will be classed as Monday's recording. So whatever, whatever time I upload it and release it, that's the day it is, generally.

Unless I make a recording earlier and I just don't get around to, you know, editing and doing all that stuff. But this will be, this will be Monday's recording. So that's it.

Oh, my chair is so squeaky. I've got a few recordings to make. I'm very behind.

Not behind, but I've got three other podcasts that need my attention. The Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis, Sleep Hypnosis Weekly, and the Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety and Panic Attacks. So I need to do, as soon as possible, I need to do at least one for each of those.

It's just, I mean, the Sleep Hypnosis Weekly, I need to do one every week. Otherwise, I've got to change the name of the podcast. And they're quite popular.

When I actually release them, there's quite a surge in downloads for that podcast. So there must be people waiting for the next one. And whenever I release a new one for anxiety and stress, you know, it's a big surge for those as well.

As with the Deep Sleep Whisper. And the Deep Sleep Whisper podcast is more popular than this one. So I kind of technically should be putting more energy into that one.

But I love all my children the same. They're all my little babies, you know. And these are the four podcasts.

I mean, to be fair, they're not... I've got a couple of other ones that contain all of the sleep sessions I do. They're one of them's about 111,000 so far this in the last year. So that's ahead of all the others.

But the Deep Sleep Whisper hit just over 100,000. And then the other sleep session and sleep podcast is, well yesterday it was on 99,000. So I don't really know what my point was on that one.

If you ever do that, you start a conversation, like a sentence or something. And you realize in your head that there's no point to what you're saying. But if you keep talking long enough, a point may arrive.

Well, on this situation, no point arrived. Are you sure what I was just rapping on about? Something just, yeah. So I've been thinking, happens occasionally, I've been thinking.

And there's a few little things happening in my life at the moment, which interesting. And one of those things is the master's degree. Can you hear that? It's my stomach.

I've just eaten, so my stomach shouldn't really be making those noises. But it is. It's like a drain emptying, or a sink emptying, you know, wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee, like that.

So I didn't hear last week, even though I did call them on Friday, the university admissions team about where the, where it's going, you know. What's happening? Am I, how's my application proceeding? And I need to know as soon as possible, just for the travel. I went online last night to have a look at the cost of traveling to where the university is.

And there's a way of sometimes, if I'm prepared, I'm laughing at this, if I'm prepared to catch the, you know, 4.49 train in the morning, then I can get a return for possibly £30, maybe even £25 if I book in advance. But the normal price is about £59 if I just go in the morning, you know, sort of. If it, if the day starts at nine, it's a two-hour journey on the train.

So I'm going to need to catch the six o'clock train anyway, which is, it's early. That's early o'clock, isn't it? That's, you know, I just don't know, I'm not sure how I'm feeling about that. I need to look more in depth into it.

Because according to this, it might be a train going to Liverpool Street, London, which means the early morning trains are so jam-packed. And it would, even at that time, you'd think six o'clock in the morning or seven, you know, it'd be a lot quieter than the eight o'clock train. Well, actually, no.

It's ridiculous, you know. The reason I know is because I used to, I'd done the journey, done the journey early, and it's proper busy, really busy. So there's lots of people going in early to avoid the peak travel and end up filling the trains anyway.

So it's, I reckon if they had enough trains, if they had carriages all the way from Colchester to Liverpool Street in London, just the whole way, you know, you could probably walk it in less time. No, you couldn't, could you? 60 miles. It's about an hour on a train, just under an hour.

How long would it take to walk 60 miles? Probably about, what, 10 hours? Yeah, I think what would be better is to have an escalator. Do you know the ones that they have at airports that are flat? The escalators that just move along, but they move along quite quickly. Just have something like that with a shelter.

Instead of a train, just let people stand and maybe have a, you take your own seat if you want, but I'm not sure if that, maybe have some seats at the side for those that need to. But just have it move really quickly. And then you could just get on anytime you wanted.

And it's just continuously going. No trains, no times, no timetables, because you wouldn't need it. You just get on.

It's continuously going all the way from Norwich to Liverpool Street. Yeah, but not too fast, but like a lot faster than walking. So have it so you're walking maybe, if it goes 10 miles an hour, you could stand on something that was going 10 miles an hour.

It's not that fast, is it? So 10 miles an hour, it only takes six hours, maybe not then. So it'd need to be an hour. 60 miles would take six hours.

So 10 miles would take one hour. So if you couldn't have it go 60 miles an hour, maybe you could have it so that when you get on, it's going fairly slowly at that one. And then it leads to another one that goes a lot quicker in between the stations where people can get on.

So it could be going maybe 30, 40 miles an hour, which still isn't that much. You sit in a car 30 miles an hour, they're not moving that fast. So yeah, it might take two hours to get there, but you could continuously get on it all day and all night without trains, without train drivers, without having to sort of, you know, wait for the train to get filled before it leaves.

You never have to, the train will never have to stop. So all those stoppages adds to the travel time, doesn't it? Yeah. And then what you do is when you get to Liverpool Street, you can have a few different escalators that you choose and you jump on.

You can have the one that goes to the Central Line or, you know, go to different parts of London. And say, well, I want to go to Shoreditch and then just go on to that one. It takes you all the way to Shoreditch.

That way you can get rid of all the buses, get rid of all the cars, just have everything on escalators. So you could just get on them when you want. An escalator system, no buses, no trains, no cars, escalators that take you everywhere you want to go.

And just have everything else pedestrianized. Wow. In fact, you could even have, you could even have industrial escalators for deliveries that maybe could stop and start if they wanted, you know.

Stop and start at each of the shops and just unload and keep going. And have that going 24 hours a day. So the deliveries are constantly being available.

So there's no lorries blocking anything. Then the highway, you think of the, like the motorway, get rid of cars and you can have an industrial on one side, or two sides, you can have industrial ones, which is big enough to take a container. Just have them traveling down and then have the ones for pedestrians that are escalated down the motorway.

There'd be no car accidents, nothing like that. It would all be, it'd be perfect. Well, not perfect, because humans are involved.

So nothing's going to be perfect when that's the case. But it'll just be, I don't know, it might work. Then we've got rid of all the cars and all the lorries, the pollution that that's caused.

And do it so the escalator actually creates electricity, as well as using it, but also creates it so it can, it can keep the street lights going. So even when no one's using it, it keeps going, but the lights in the street keep going. It keeps the houses, and maybe you could have solar, all the solar panels on buildings could be used to power the escalators.

So like every building, every house in the country has solar panels on it. And that electricity is then sent to the escalators to keep it running 24 hours a day. Of course, make it nice and quiet.

We don't want something like really loud. I don't mean the solar panels. And mind you, if you've got a couple of solar panels on the roof, they're going to want to chat to each other, aren't they? It'd be boring up there otherwise, I suppose.

You know, that's all running. That'd be perfect. It'd be like an industrial, like a factory.

You know, when you've got the, what do they call it now? I forget, but the line, production line, but instead of peeling bananas or whatever, you're traveling between places. I don't know if they have production lines for peeling bananas, but I, you know, packaging stuff. I once worked in a place where my job was screwing.

That was it. I was on a production line in a meter, electric meter factory. And it would come down.

All I had to do, and this was all night long, all I had to be fair, we did our breaks and swap over because I realized that it was a bit too tedious to do just one thing the whole time. And they were quite good like that. But all my job was, is just to add this electric screwdriver that was powered, you know? So I didn't have to do it by hand.

I used to have to hold it in my hand because I tried to do it with me, with my mouth, but one of my feelings fell out, the vibration. So I was using my hand and I, and that's all I was doing, just putting a screw in, like a couple of screws into the meter to keep the meter together. Again, I'm not sure why I'm telling you that, but I thought you might enjoy it hearing a little bit more about my life as a meter maid.

I actually worked there three times. I had a job working in this meter factory, meter, not meat, meter, three times. I can't believe they kept letting me go back.

Kind of wish I was still there really, sometimes. Because like the first job I had was a little bit grubby. I was, I wasn't in the clean area.

I was packaging. It was to be fair, the second job I had, I was in packaging as well, but it was, it was in one of the new factory. I was packaging, I was packaging in kind of a nice area.

I think I had a white, did I have a white coat on, like a lab coat, or it might be brown. I think it was brown with the first job I had. And that's where I learned to make boxes.

It was, because all the boxers used to come in flat packs on pallets. That's Andre coming to do something behind me. I wonder what it could be.

I know exactly what he's doing. Lovely. Yeah, don't forget to wipe yourself on the carpet.

That's a good boy. And then the third time I worked there, I did a night shift and I was working in the third factory, like the newest factory. So I ended up working all three.

Although now actually I did, but I was working in the second factory to start with. And then we moved into the third new factory in the summer. And we had, it was quite cool really.

We had two weeks off work, full pay, because they were closing down the business for two weeks while they moved into the new factory. And what was strange is, well strange I don't know, but I was doing the night shift and I liked it. It was one of those, probably one of those times in my life when I was kind of, things were going quite well for me.

And I had a girlfriend. I was, I suppose the downside, I was living at my dad's. But then to be fair, I was paying very little money in way of rent.

And also he he was hardly ever there. So I kind of had the house to myself most of the time. And I had money.

And I was sort of buying comedy albums and stuff. That was because I decided I was going to move to London and pursue a comedy career. So I was working in this place.

And I kind of had no intention of staying, which, where's my stomach going again? Yeah, I suppose I wasn't completely dedicated to the job, but I liked it. You know, it was easy. It was clean.

And it was fairly well paid, you know, for where I was living. And I did end up, I got myself a studio apartment, which was basically, and this was in the August, probably, to 1990. And I remember when I said, I found this place, I thought, oh, how am I going to break this to my dad that I'm moving out? And I can honestly say, I think to this day, I've never seen him so happy as he was at that point.

I said, oh, Dad, I want to move out. And I just, I turned away because I was kind of, as you know, and I went into the kitchen, I thought, well, I'm a bit embarrassed. I don't know how to deal with his emotions.

He's going to be perhaps a bit upset or whatever, feel a bit let down. And I hear all this clatter and stuff. And I thought, what's that? And I go out, I look on the front lawn, like half of my belongings were on the front lawn.

He started to, he's helping me move, like it's not, it's not till next week. I think to this day, I've never seen him look so upset and disappointed. So I moved into this studio place.

It was nice. It was, I think it was a former holiday rental. People would stay there, it was near the beach, and people would stay there for a week and stuff, and had a kitchen, bathroom, and, you know, living area with a bed.

And that was perfect for what I needed at the time. And it was way better than anything that I'd had before, really. And then in September, they switched my hours to day shift at my job.

They switched my hours to day shift, which was two to, was it one, one week, it was six to two, six in the morning to two in the afternoon. And the next week, it was two o'clock in the afternoon to 10. That's it, 10 in the evening.

And I didn't want to do it. I didn't like it. Really, that's the whole reason I did night shift, is because that's what I wanted to do.

I did not want to work during the day. Two till 10, I could do, I could do that for years. That wouldn't bother me.

But six in the morning, oh, oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'd rather kiss a St Bernard dog on the lips than, no, no.

So it annoyed me. And then they were talking about redundancies, and they were going to be laying people off. And I figured that they, because I'd only been there since April, I figured, you know, first in, first out.

I wasn't first or last in, last out, rather. I knew I wasn't the last in, but there was people that had been there for a long time, you know, 20, 30 years, some of them. And so I thought, well, they're going to lay me off.

And I just couldn't get out of bed, and I didn't go in, didn't go to work. And, you know, they sacked me. And the ironic thing is, I then had to move out of where I was living, because I basically got evicted.

I didn't have any, I couldn't afford to pay the rent. And I moved into this little room in the same road as where I grew up from the age of, I think I was living there from nine, nine years old until I was 15. Same road, just a little bit further up, and probably similar kind of house as well.

And I came out of there, and I was also living, there were people living next to me in the next room, people that I knew. There were a couple of older people. I say older, I was, I was what, I was 20 at that time.

They were probably in their, well, at least in their 40s, maybe 50s, but at least, at least going in there for probably four, late 40s, I'd say. And I got on really well with them, actually. I really, and they were, I liked to drink, but they were really friendly to me.

They were very kind, very friendly, and you know what I mean? I don't know if that makes sense, but they had a different lifestyle to what I was living in some ways, but in the same, in a different way, or in the same way, we had the same lifestyle because we were living in the same house, sharing the same bathroom, you know, sharing the same kitchen. So if you're sharing the same bath, the same toilet as somebody, there's a connection. If it's, even if it's just shared germs, there's shared bacteria, there's a shared connection.

And so, you know, I kind of, in the past, I've had, I try and get on with people, you know, in those kinds of situations, but these, these were lovely, and they were very helpful, very good with advice. I was very, I was young, but I think I was younger than my years mentally. And they were very reassuring, helped me financially with, they didn't give me money, but they helped me figure out how I could afford to pay the rent and all that stuff, which to be fair, I don't think anyone's ever done since.

And I've not really asked anyone to do that, but they, I don't know, I just, I don't know why I'm feeling grateful for them. And yeah, so I've got, I've got a couple of part time jobs to cover me. I've got a morning cleaning job in the local supermarket, which I liked actually, well, which is ironic, because I was getting up at five o'clock every morning.

How's that for irony for you? So I kind of pretty much left the job because I didn't want to get up early every day. And I ended up getting up even earlier every day. I don't know if it's different though, because it's only for two hours and I could go back to bed.

But I also got an evening cleaning job as well, I think. So between the two jobs, I had enough to pay my rent. And then at the end of, this was at the tail end of the year, I sold all of my comedy stuff, all of the albums, videos and everything.

And I had enough money to, well, I didn't really, but I managed to get through. I moved to London in the January, begin of January, moved to Stratford. And I found somewhere to live before I moved.

So I just went up there and stayed at my cousin's for a night and looked for somewhere. It was like a card in a window, a newsagent window or something. Not like Christmas card or birthday card or anything like that.

But it was, you know, room for rent, £40 a week, which was a lot more than what I was paying. But London is always going to be more, I mean, £40 a week's really, really low now, obviously. And that was a long time ago.

And literally nearly 30 years ago, isn't it? Wow. Well, yeah, nearly. And the landlady, she agreed for me to, I paid her some money, like a deposit.

And then I paid her when I got there. And I remember I got a lift. I didn't have much stuff left because I sold all my, pretty much all my belongings except the few bits of clothes that I had.

And when I got to Stratford, I got there on a, I think it was a Sunday. And on a Monday, I went to the place where I'd worked at in 1989, up to April 1990. Because I'd moved from London back in April.

And I thought I'd be able to go back and work there again. And they didn't have any jobs. And I got back and I told my landlady, I said, I don't believe it.

She said, what? I said, I just don't believe it. She said, what, what, don't you believe? I said, why are you being, why are you being like that? She said, I'm trying to watch television. I said, oh, okay.

I said, what were you watching? She said, well, what, because you must know I'm watching Countdown. I said, oh, okay. I said, the job that I told you I'd got, I haven't.

And she said, well, how are you going to pay the rent then? I said, I don't know. It's then that I realized, some people, when they're motivated, they'll go out of their way to help you. And that's what she did.

She went out of her way. She told me, leave with me. And then a few hours later, she called me down.

And she didn't call me down. I wasn't like, you know, I'd come out of the oven and I was like, oh, too hot to eat. She called, called me down because I was upstairs.

She says, Jason, Jason. And so I go down and she's standing there with her, well, she's not, she's sitting down, but she's got a lady standing there. And she said, let me introduce you to Marcella or what, I don't know what her name was.

And she said, oh, okay, right. She said, and she said, hi. And she was the HR or the human resources for a bakery, the bakery in Walthamstow.

Like she was in charge of employment. And I mean, she's really high up. She was in charge of everything.

It was a huge company, which I didn't realize. Anyway, she said, there's a position going in the canteen in the bakery. And you'd just be cooking food basically and serving it to the workers.

So you won't actually be working in a bakery as such, not with the bread, but you'll be working in the canteen. And I said, wow, to be fair, I'd have accepted anything. And she said, yeah, what did you say? I said, nothing.

I'm talking to the audience for the podcast. She said, what's a podcast? I said, don't worry, it doesn't matter. She said, okay, that's a bit weird.

Not sure if you'd be the right candidate. I said, well, I'll do anything. I'm very grateful for an opportunity.

She said, you're serving people food. It's not really an opportunity. I said, well, it is because I need to work.

I need to do. And she said, it won't be high pay or anything, because we didn't have minimum wage back then, but it was okay. I was probably earning, I don't know how much I was earning.

I was earning enough to pay the rent, buy food and have money left over. So I was probably earning probably £140 a week, maybe £120, I don't know, something like that. Plus I had overtime.

I could work weekends and stuff, Sundays and that. So yeah, I was probably taking about £150 a week before tax. What would that be a month? £150, £300, £600.

Yeah, it sounds about right, £600 a month. And then I get taxed off on that. And basically I went to the job interview.

She said, I'll set you up a job interview. And she said, is 10 o'clock Monday okay? I said, yeah, okay. So he basically just did it off the cuff.

And she said, I went in there and I saw the chef and he interviewed me. And he said, have you got any experience in catering? I said, what's it got to do with you? He said, that's a bit rude. I said, I don't care.

I think you're out of order and I don't come asking you questions. He said, yeah, but I'm the one doing the interviewing. I said, yeah, he said, what? I said, that's what you sound like.

He said, you are very rude. I said, I know you are, but what am I? And we laughed, had a little cuddle. And he said, I'll let you know.

And then I think I got a phone call saying, yeah, you can start on Monday or Wednesday or whatever day. And then when I actually started working there, the manager, he was quite cool. I could dedicate on really well.

And the chef, he said, you had that job before you even walked in the interview. It was already yours. We just had to go through the motions because she's the boss and she said that that job is yours.

So he didn't even have a choice. He said, I had to give you the job. I thought, I am so powerful.

But yeah, it was okay. I met a girlfriend there called Cherry and I was there from January until probably April, maybe May, maybe April, I don't know. And they got took over.

So basically the canteen got taken over by an agency. And because I think the factory decided it'd be cheaper to have an agency come in and have their own staff, pay their own wages and not have to deal with that side of things. And get their own food in and all that stuff.

So we were all told that we were being made redundant, all of the people in the canteen. But we would need to be interviewed again. We would have a chance to get interviewed by the new owners of the canteen, the agency.

And there was a period of swapping over where we were given a notice and we had, I think we were given a month's notice or three weeks or something. And this person from, he came along from the company, the agency came along and was just sort of observing us. And I was telling him all the ways to skive and all the places to hide so no one can see what you're doing and all that stuff.

And then at the end of the day, at the end of that day, we all got together and he introduced himself as the new boss, the new chef who was going to be running the kitchen and the person who's going to be interviewing people. And previous to that, previous to that, one of the managers of the actual bakery, the bakery side which made the bread, offered me a job in the bakery because he'd heard about the redundancies and he liked me. So we got on and I said no to start with because I didn't fancy it because it was all hours.

And I like being able to work during the day and then being able to go out to comedy clubs in the evening and having my weekends off. And I knew that that wouldn't be the case if I worked in the actual bakery, although I'd be earning a lot more money. But after I pretty much made myself redundant twice in one day by being extremely cheeky to the new boss of the canteen, I decided to go and chase up the job that was offered to me.

And I said, oi, is that job still available? He said, yeah, you can start Monday. And that was it because I was already an employee at the bakery still. So they just, no interview, nothing like that, just start Monday, be here at six o'clock.

Again, starting at six, which is why I left the other job because I didn't want to get up so early. And I still ended up getting up early. And when I was in the bakery, I still ended up, when I was in the canteen, I had to be there at like seven o'clock every day.

So yeah, so that's what I did. I ended up working in the bakery, in the actual bakery itself, which was hard, very hot work, very hot, especially in the summer, where all year round, but it's like, oh. But here's the irony, it's not really irony, but something I found out when I was still living in the other town, when I'd left the job because I was making redundancies, left before I thought I was going to get made redundant.

One of the managers or team leaders was actually living opposite me. And I saw her and another one of the team leaders who was actually my team leader. And she said to me, why did you leave? And I said, because you were making people redundant and I'd only been there a few months, so I figured that you'd be laying me off first.

She said, no, we'd never would have laid you off. We want to get rid of all the deadwood, which, you know, but I don't know if they were her words, but she said, we wouldn't have got rid of you. There's people in there that have been there for years and they don't do anything.

They just sit there. And I was like, oh, okay. I didn't realise that.

It'd be nice to know, wouldn't it, beforehand. Because although the company's closed down now, and nearly every place I've ever worked at seems to have closed down. The chip shop, they're gone.

The pub I worked at's gone. The comedy club's gone. The insurance company I worked at's gone.

The meat place I worked at's gone. I mean, the bakery's gone as well. There's been quite a few redundancies along the way, as well as, yeah, the camps in that went, maybe redundant there, but that was just like, got no more work for you.

Bye. And then, I think I was saying this the other day, I had a few companies that had just been taken over. My last insurance company I worked for, they remained purely redundant and that's gone.

Although I was laid off before they closed. So I'd been ill and I'd had too much time off and they just sacked me because I'd had too much time off. And a few months later, they closed.

And then the company before that, the insurance company before that, that I worked for before I started university, they were making redundancies and they ended up making everyone redundant and they closed. Isn't it weird? It's like so many companies I've worked for that have closed down, like disappeared, gone. Wow.

Look at all the other places. It's hard to do a CV when, you know, curriculum vitae or resume, as they might call it, when you've got no address and no telephone number to give because the company's gone. Oh yeah, another place I worked at, I worked in the two different shops for, called Evolution, which was a gift shop.

And I worked in two different ones, one in the last town I lived at and one in this town, and they're both closed. So I can't get a reference from them. So when I applied for my master's degree, they needed a reference.

And I didn't have a reference from any previous employer because my last employer closed down. So they're gone. Before that, I was self-employed.

Before that, while I was at university, I had a job in the Evolution shop, but that closed. That's gone. Before university, I was doing insurance.

That company's gone, closed down. Before that job, I was working in the Evolution shop in that town, and that's closed as well. So the five, the last five companies I worked at, was that five? So the one here, Evolution, I think I classed being self-employed, possibly.

So that one, Evolution, then before college, no, during college, oh yeah, that was during university. Then before that, insurance. And before that was the Evolution.

So the last four jobs, although I was self-employed in the middle for three years, the last four jobs all closed. I got no references, no referees. You could say, well, what about your university when you did that course? Well, the person who's teaching the course got ill during the course and left.

Another teacher retired at the end of the year, at the end of the course, because she was my supervisor and she retired. And I think it was the year after, actually. The man who was in charge of the entire course, the course leader, he retired at the end of the course, because it was his retirement age.

And they were the three main people that taught the course. There was a couple of others, but they were, they weren't as, I think another one left as well. And yeah, another one left because she was, she counselled with her and she, you know, that charity thing.

And she, she was one of the teachers for the first year, I think, but then she got pregnant. So there's no references. I've got no one I can ask.

It's almost like I don't exist. Wow. It's not a bad position to be in, really, is it? I suppose.

But yeah, it's very strange. So I don't know what I'm going to do for, if I do next year, if the, I'm kind of thinking either I do this university course, or I look for a full-time job, one or the other. The other option would be to try and make a go of this online stuff I do, and turn that into a business.

But the first two options are the ones I'm looking at. And I don't know what I'm going to do if I go for the job, what I'm going to put down for references. But you need to have a reference.

It's going to be a bit strange. Oh, well. So that's the end of this recording.

And I've yet again managed to talk for an hour about very little. Very, very little. So I wish you all the best.

Please remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Bye.