#282 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (21st December 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Art Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely be bored to sleep and only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Before I progress, I'd just like to say thank you to Kiri for your PayPal gift and Merry Christmas to you.

If you would like to, if you'd like to, if you'd like to send me a PayPal gift the link, the PayPal link is on my website. It's also the link is paypal.me forward slash Jason and Nuland. I'm still in the process of getting my website sorted.

See I've got every time I do a new recording it's always up you know uploaded and updated but the what I've been doing is adding links like information so you've got links to the different podcast hosts so you can watch it there. For example Spotify, Spreaker, Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Castbox, you know places like that. So I'm kind of updating each one as I'm going.

Every day it's taking quite a while because it's a bit you know mindless to do but I'm getting there. I've nearly done all of the let me bore you to sleep ones on my website and then I've got all the deep sleep whisper ones or the sleep hypnosis weekly ones and then all of the relaxation hypnosis for stress, anxiety, panic attacks. So I should have them all done by Christmas because it's the 21st of December today 2019 and so I should have it yeah I should have all done by Christmas.

I just I can't spend too much time doing it because it's just so boring. I just I want to go to sleep when I'm doing it. It's it's just so unstimulating it really it's just like oh my lovely squeaky chair it's it's literally just cut and paste and then copy the title of the recording and then put it in and paste it in each individual one line and just I've not I've not done it justice to how boring it is.

In fact if I went through the process with you and talked you through an hour of me doing it I think I would still be more bored than you were listening to it. Seriously it's really tedious but it's something that I've it's something that I need to do it's good for the SEO SEO SEO SEO search engine to find my stuff as well because really at the moment my website in its current form is just there for people that already know about it people that are already listening to me.

I mean that's only a small percentage of what a website is kind of supposed to be for you know it's supposed to be in my understanding you know at least 80% to get new people to find new to let new people know about what I do maybe 90% even and especially as I'm not selling anything so you know it's it kind of I mean I might I might I might have people find me online through the website but I think it's I don't really know where people find me I think I don't know on podcasts

I suppose you know on the podcast hosts on Spotify people putting in boring or sleep insomnia maybe putting in my name yeah so what I did because of Spotify's shutting down some of the podcasts that are no longer in use and I was getting messages from my listeners some some listeners saying your Spotify page is gone where's your stuff gone but and the the ones I've been using since it's about 21st of November 2018 they're still running they're still up and running it's the ones before that that I had had and then I deleted them

I deleted the podcasts but I'd moved them to a different provider if that makes sense a different account and so all my things are still online it's just sometimes knowing where to look which shouldn't it shouldn't be like that I don't think it shouldn't be it's not supposed to be complicated for anybody it's so I kind of try to make it as simple as possible because in all fairness when I look for stuff I have to search quite hard sometimes I go on Spotify I was like okay I do find the stuff fairly easily but

some of it's kind of a little bit hidden and so I found those links for the various different podcasts and I put them onto the website so if you for any reason you get to a point where you can't find one of my podcasts and then just go to my website look up just and just go click on whichever so you go onto website click on the let me bore you to sleep for example or the deep sleep whisper click on that that link and then it'll open up and you'll have all of the recording

stuff made 171 or whatever for that deep sleep whisper hypnosis and then you can just click on that and any of the recordings will eventually will have a link underneath to all the different podcasts to have it on as well as you can stream it on that page free and you can also download it free as well so everything really is on my website but I'm and I know that some people prefer the podcasts themselves but I do upload everything I do update everything now that I do on my website on my website and when

you use it on the on the phone you know a smartphone it's it works fine it's and then the first page the home page when you go on there is it's got a player on there with all the latest recordings that I've made so you can always be updated as soon as I make a new recording it's on the website even before I've even made a special page for it because it's on that player now if you hear anything more boring over the next week you let me know because that was boring I was like

ah information I mean what's next I'm gonna start showing you pictures of holidays that I've been on here's a wedding I went to here's the picture here's here's Aaron he's married to Sian and yeah you don't know either of those and next to them it's Stevie who's married to Ste who's quite we laugh about that because they've got some very similar names you don't know those either let me tell you about a bit more about them because I know you don't know them but yeah they went traveling to Canada and had a really good time

and they weren't actually together at the time they're just friends and they they got caught uh they got stuck in a an airport because there was delays due to snow and they I think Ste Stevie said she she looked over at Ste while they were sleeping on the benches in the airport and fell in love and knew that you know but they were supposed to be together forever here's a picture of a cactus from uh Phoenix uh it's really nice and uh yeah next to that it's it's a man called Manuel now he was actually

looking after the car at the time because he had problems with the car and he was fixing it because it had some some kind of engine problems and stuff it was very nice and we had a we had a meal with him and his family and they what was really amazing is like this big massive tv and the quality of the picture was really great and it was really weird because on the tv screen they had the A-Team the old tv show hadn't seen the A-Team for absolutely years and I remember watching it and thinking

wow I haven't seen this for absolutely years and um Manuel said I saw it yesterday I said well it's got the same episode he said no no it's on every day different episodes and they just show it it's uh repeats I said you want me to repeat he said no no it's repeats they it's they they repeat programs I said oh I didn't know they did that he said what do you mean you didn't know they did that I said I don't didn't know that tv shows were repeated he said you've never seen the same

television show more than once the same episode more than once I said yeah well it's a repeat then isn't it I said I don't know well what did you think it was I don't know I thought maybe they just re-enacted it you know the episode was so popular they just re-shot another another version because uh yeah anyone for more dessert oh yeah lovely so yeah I don't know you know it's boring I don't want to can you imagine yeah it's been a lovely holiday thing is you've got to ask people how their holidays were just

out of human kindness do you have a nice holiday good don't need any more information that's it that's it just was it good there's a lot I just want to know that you're happy that's it just you're happy you had a good time you got back safely brilliant that's great and um you know why people say that I said did you did you get back safely did you have a safe flight back no no no you crashed into a mountain it's like yeah I'm here of course it was a safe flight back oh a bit

of sarcasm there I don't know it was just showing some caring and kindness like I'm sorry sorry where's your Christmas spirit my Christmas spirit is in 1984 that's where it was 1984 that's where it's that's where it's been oh it's a bit harsh yeah I know so Christmas let's talk about Christmas yeah let's talk about Christmas now without getting heavy Christmas isn't for everybody you know they say you know you get a puppy it's not just for Christmas well Christmas isn't just for Christmas is what it is but yeah that doesn't make sense does it

I I do feel a bit for people that don't celebrate this particular festival because it's really forced upon people uh you know it's actually in depends where you where you live in I mean if you're if you're living in India or China it might not be I don't even know if there's some countries probably don't even recognize Christmas I honestly don't know and I don't care enough to actually research it but in this country where I've kind of been born and lived it's almost uh celebrating Christmas is like learning the language it's ingrained it's it's

it's like a social socially socially socially has to be done kind of if you don't do it it's almost like you're anti-social and it's gotta be weird because you know let's say 50 years ago this was a Christian country it was classed as a Christian country and the queen when if you if you listen to the queen um and when they opened parliament because they just had an election and the queen they still talk about um the church and oh um I'm watching boxing but it's on silent I've got no idea who's actually fighting thing

is I put the fight I put this on yeah because there's a couple of fights before the big one and they normally last about about half an hour each well the last two fights this one that's happening now and the one just gone have been both knockouts in the first round just since I started talking in the last 17 minutes so the actual the actual main fight could start long before I expected it to which isn't ideal so I'm not quite sure if it does start I'm just gonna have to uh stop the recording I

think oh so yeah what was I saying um Christmas is a very it's an unusual time yeah so 50 years ago everybody I say everybody but you know pretty much as far as I understand 50 years 60 70 80 years Christmas everyone celebrated Christmas and not everybody could afford to celebrate Christmas I suppose as it is today but probably less so then and it's as we've sort of grown well grown as we've grown in quantity of people and with various different beliefs throughout the years there's a huge amount of people that don't perhaps celebrate Christmas

and you see that a lot in London because there's so many shops open in London Christmas day and there's taxi drivers working Christmas day because then it's a different it's not an important day to them because not to them but to some people because they've got a different faith so they'll Christmas day to to some people just another day it's another just an ordinary day and I actually used to really appreciate that when I lived in London because having lived in a small town I now live in a small village but when I was between

the ages of seven and sort of 19 I lived in this little town and everything was closed Christmas day boxing day pretty much you know I think things are changing a little bit with garages you know petrol stations selling stuff and but generally everything was closed but in London when I moved to London when I was 19 I was so happy to see that a lot of because I lived in East London and is a lot of non-Christmas celebrators I don't know how to present the word but different people some people don't celebrate it and

they'd have their businesses open whether it was paper shop you know news agents off licenses other things garages petrol you know to get petrol and and maybe even takeaways you know places it's it's not like the entire place would be open none of the big supermarkets would be open but there's plenty of smaller shops convenience stores that were open and they'd be open all like practically all the time which is brilliant because that is convenience so I think if a if a if a shop charges more money it calls itself a convenience store but it

charges more money than like if you go to the supermarket but it's only open at the same times as a supermarket then that's not convenient you know the idea for me convenience would be pretty much 24 hours a day although not many shops well none around here do and there isn't I think as as as as the yeah I think as does open 24 hours a day and but that's like miles away it'd be so lovely to knit to I can't get the words out it'd be lovely to near live a big supermarket I don't

think I appreciated it when I lived near a big supermarket and now I don't live near a big supermarket um it's not so much uh fun because well I live some but I live near a big field quite a few big fields but nothing else apparently there used to be on my estate where I live there used to be a like a happy shopper and contrary to the name sounds nice but it's just a basically a little shop that sells uh probably more expensive stuff than what you'd get in a supermarket but it's convenient because

it's literally you know on your road or a five minute walk that's convenience as well to me apparently it closed down because there's too much shoplifting seriously that's what and a person was the person that told me was one of the people what did she say um closed down because there's too much shoplifting yeah and she said she missed going in there because she missed shoplifting that's what she used to go in there to shoplift and then she's annoyed because it closed down because the shop because of the shoplifting so we'd still have a shop

would we if it weren't for you just you no no it's just you and she said no it wasn't just me it was the whole family it was it was everyone on the estate apparently like everybody all the kids on the estate so when she was a kid all the children on the estate basically just it's probably not true but they they just took turns stealing and eventually the shopkeeper looked at the till looked in the showers looked back into their till looked at the shelves they were very empty looked in the till that was

also empty now there's something wrong with this picture and uh they closed and now it's a house the only thing we've got around here is a garage which is probably about a 10 minute walk so it's not no probably 15 maybe 10 i don't know 10 minute walk 12 minutes it's not a long distance but they're not like great in there i mean technically if you look in there it looks like it's got quite a lot of stuff and they've got fridges full of beers and uh cans like coke and fizzy drinks and but they

sell bread but they don't sell any butter or margarine they they started selling fruit how's that gonna help me i'm so angry when it comes to fruit ah i do like bananas so it does have a cash machine it does have oh they sell sandwiches in there sandwiches which they're okay you know it's um jane what's this jimmy james not james corbin james not james de gaulle james bond jane jamie oliver jamie oliver does uh he actually he makes the sandwiches himself and i've never seen them be delivered but i guess because he's so famous

he but you know he lives them like quietly so that no one sort of sees him but the um the garage can you believe this right they get a delivery of sandwiches and they actually close the garage this is a petrol station they close it for about an hour to stock up the sandwiches you know to take the delivery i guess check the delivery sign for it or whatever and then to stock the fridge up with sandwiches so they close they put bollards you know those orange things that you put down in the road and

to prevent anyone driving onto the petrol station forecourt and spending money or we don't want to want any oh my customers oh i don't want them spending money and they do that you know every day of the week pretty much so even if they're not open even if they don't close for a whole hour it's got to be a good 40 minutes 45 minutes let's say just half an hour just you know so it's half an hour one two three so three hours a week they close the garage the petrol station and you know when

it is it's usually between five and six now in my estimation that's peak time travel that's a peak time when people are going to want to get petrol on the way home from work or maybe get some beers get some wine get some cigarettes or get some you know something some sandwiches maybe on the way home as well as petrol of course and they close it now i shouldn't really be concerned about other people's businesses and stuff because you know literally in this case this is none of my business it's not my business but this

person who owns that garage who because he's yeah i think you franchise you don't actually own them you franchise them but apparently he's got quite a few garages petrol stations so he's a very rich man well i think so it's uh i've been told little bits i think they're brothers or something but they're very rich because one petrol station is enough to make you wealthy but to have about 15 or whatever you know these these are rich these are multi-millionaires and i kind of found out roughly how much they're taking every week as well each

one so there's a lot of money coming in so if each one of those garages 15 garages closes for half an hour every day that's let's say seven hours a day lost petrol they're losing thousands of pounds every day i worked it out i actually did work it out that they're potentially losing about a million pound a year based on it being peak time how much petrol it gets sold in an hour i don't know the profit margin is but between the 15 you're looking at least 20 grand a week which is a millionaire okay

like that i might be way off but i might be way under as well it might be more like two million a year that they're losing so i just wonder like why not just employ someone part-time you know get get get me to be this is the best way you could do that is i would say to them listen give me if you're losing two million just just give me a million a year just that i'll save you a million a year and i'll collect the sandwiches and i'll deliver them and put them in the

fridge myself each individual garage whatever time of the day you want them delivered we'll get them done and i'll just get a few few vans a few people to help out and you know or just do it all with just a couple of people save them an absolute fortune and you know what i can't imagine the amount of money they make from those sandwiches covers the cost of being closed for those seven hours a week seven hours a week yeah three seven no one two three three hours times or ten that's 30 hours 45 hours

that's 45 hours a week did i say seven hours a week okay now let's get work out about 45 hours a week between 15 petrol stations so that's a heck of a lot of petrol imagine you just get one petrol station and you close it for 45 hours how much money so is that 24 48 just nearly two solid days two whole days day and night if you said to them what we get the sandwiches when you give them to you free completely free and all you got to do is just close one of your

garages for 48 hours once a week for 48 hours i don't think any one of the petrol stations was i don't think they say yeah oh yeah that's a good idea no they can't be making a lot of money from the sandwiches even with 15 carriages you're going to make a few grand but not not not going to cover the amount they've lost i should be an economical advisor oh tired it's been raining here every day so for my reckoning we've only got about 30 days and 30 nights left of raining and i'll be able

to get out of the ark can't imagine the mess that had been all those animals together yesterday i was going to walk through the park to get the bus i've been trying to get stocked up with some stuff i needed some uh sanitary bits and i nearly said sanitary towels but no senate you know um just bits for the bathroom and that and a little bit of food so i'm trying to get stocked up as much as possible although i bought these baguettes you know the baguettes you can put in the oven that are they're

half cooked so you put them in the oven for like half five minutes or something and then or 10 minutes and they're they're ready well they were they had them on a special offer and i saw them i thought i got a couple over the last couple of weeks and i thought i'm going to check the date the expiry date on them things because they seem to last forever and i did i went into the to the shop today and the expiry date was march next year and they were they were only 50 pence a

pack and there was four rolls in each pack and i generally only eat one roll per time so i bought 10 packs for five pound so that's literally 40 meals or 40 snacks you know how we order look at it for five pound can't argue with that of course i need to have something to put into it but you know probably just cheese or something like that the good thing about it you could put it in the oven it's very crispy and stuff it's lovely or what i like to do is i've got a bread

roll toaster um sandwich toaster thing and it works perfectly put a bit of margarine on one one of the slices put cheese on top and then put the other you've got to cut it open first obviously but and then put the other top on on it move it into the middle so it's not two slices of bread but just in the middle of the the thing and just pull it down you gotta push it really down hard but it comes up a treat it's really nice it's almost kind of like chabat i'm a bit chabat-y

hee-ree oh yeah remember to uh if you're still listening remember to go to my website go to the review page and leave a video review because i actually like reading them it's really nice it's really nice but i was in the park on the way to the bus stop and it was it was waterlogged it was literally flooded the park the where the pavement was flooded and i was like what what's going on and basically what it is is the i don't think i've ever known it to be flooded like that before the grass gets

flooded sometimes in the winter but i've only seen it get flooded on one side and you just can't walk through it literally it's because it's not even ground so you end up sinking and stuff so i don't obviously i don't walk through it but it actually and it was sinking ground on the other side as well which was also flooded and it was flooded so much that the entire part of that pathway was flooded okay it was enough to not be able to walk through it i would have got probably up to my ankles in

water that's how much it's been raining and the day before yesterday i didn't go out at all so it's a little bit i'm not surprised but it wasn't like that the previous day so i ended up walking around the edges of the field trying to find my way and my steps so that i didn't end up sinking and in the end i did i did i found a way around it was took me about five minutes to get through i thought wow so when i got home when i came back on the bus because i

generally always come back i i stopped at an earlier bus stop and i found my way walking around the long way around via the road because i just wouldn't get through i thought i'm not i'm not doing that plus i think it wasn't dark by then because it was about 2 250 in the afternoon so i hadn't quite got dark yet but apparently around the corner all the roads are flooded as well because it's all farmland and the there's these ditches either side of the road well no one side of the road and the ditch

goes all the way along the road all the way around yeah for quite a long time and when it gets a certain height it just overflows and then completely fills the road happens every year but we've had a considerable downpour over the last week or so maybe 10 days i don't know exactly and it's quite weird when i say flooding not not flooding in a a terrible way that some people experience but you know in a way that's more inconvenience in in a way you can't walk through it but you could probably shed wellington boots

on and you know a bit like paddington bear those kind of boots they don't have to be green or blue be any color really i suppose pink even i like pink i went through a period years ago when i was younger it was actually was just as i was starting doing this it was in 2006 and i went through a period i think the period started in about 2004 actually but but yeah i went through a period when i was wearing a lot of very light colorful clothes i'll be wearing like white trousers and that's

before i mean i've never had gastroenteritis before and since i since i had gastroenteritis in January i don't think i'd ever wear white trousers that's a no-no just in case but i was yeah wore white trousers pink t-shirts and for some reason i felt quite comfortable in myself and i wasn't um i wasn't skinny i wasn't you know i just but i just almost felt fairly good about you know how i was i was a lot slimmer than i am now though i was a lot lighter i think back then i was about 30 i

don't know 12 and a half or 13 and probably about 13 and a half stone maybe 13 stone i forget but i'm heavier than that yeah i'm probably about two stone heavier than i was back then although i think i carry it fairly well um mainly on my stomach and oh my camera i used to get a lot of my trousers just clothes from river island and gap so i was probably possibly too old to be buying clothes from there because i was what 35 then but i don't know that felt felt okay i was

working and yeah well that was boring god please tell me more about your clothes shopping in 2006 oh i haven't heard it i need to hear more uh perhaps you can tell us about your shoes what about the winter did you have gloves a scarf what about a winter coat and this what about this what about a summer coat a summer jacket yeah i've had lots of different things i've uh i had this jacket that i wore for a couple of years that i got when i was in ireland in 1994 and i wasn't there

that long but andre the original andre he his sister was married to i can't remember his name anyway he gave me a jacket to wear he gave me a cool cool jacket so i bought it back with me and well i wore it back i didn't just bring it back home i had it you know it wasn't glued to me but i had it you know um on the outside of my body it's like i wore it like a jacket because it was the jacket and i quite liked it because it reminded me of my

time in ireland i suppose so i used to wear it for well over a year because i got back i was back before christmas 94 and i was still wearing it at christmas 95 because christmas 95 let me tell you about this the it's really mild weather temperature wise i was still walking around in a little jacket in you know christmas and you know it's that's unusual i mean you know tom jones like likes to sing it's not unusual well that was unusual because even in um london where temperatures are generally not as cold as

other places it seems possibly more to do with the amount of heat that's created from millions and millions of people living in such close quarters and all those we think about it all those millions of bodies like 10 million people all in a the size of a like a town that would normally fit maybe 300 000 you know it's it's kind of it's going to generate a lot of heat isn't it i remember the last time i had kind of i had a girlfriend and she was more almost the heat that was coming off of

her because i'm not used to sort of being in bed with anyone else used to be apart from andre and i literally i was just so hot and it was just a shock to the system i mean i have had girlfriends before and i know that the heat is not it wasn't to do with her it's just a human thing isn't it we let off heat but i've forgotten how i just think the amount of money i'd save on the heating and on the gas heating by having her regularly there it just saved me so

much money i wouldn't need a heater wouldn't even need the heating on because it generated that much heat or maybe i was generating that much heat or maybe together we were generating that much heat but this was september i think so it wasn't really yeah it wasn't winter so maybe it was a fairly warmish evening anyway yeah it's nicer even though i'm moaning it was nice what other things are we getting in the shop today i have some tea cakes boxes of smarties and then two days ago i went into town and i got another

delivery previous to that i got delivery on friday as well so i'm just getting stocked up with things that are required i make sure i've got enough food for andre make sure i've got enough sponge puddings for christmas and you know the freezers are pretty full as well so i've got enough food and stuff to keep me going till after christmas so apart from milk i'm not really needing much else which is pretty pretty groovy yeah pretty pretty groovy indeed so i'm hoping that it's not raining tomorrow or when i get up later because i

need to possibly get a few more bits from the shops but outside of that i'm just going to relax for the next few days and that should be okay yeah andre's been a bit naughty lately i mean he's good as gold when he's asleep and he sleeps for a long time but when he's awake he really is awake there's no half measures of him either he's completely plumbed out completely unconscious just or he's causing trouble i don't know i don't know who he takes after because i'm not like that this chair's squeaky he's so squeaky

man so plumbing squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky waddle waddle waddle waddle waddle not one of those days where i need to eat but i'm not hungry but i am hungry but i can't be bothered to do anything and all i need to do is walk into the kitchen stick a ready-made meal in the microwave for 11 minutes and that's it oh it's just all that effort but i need to eat yes i do really need to eat and if i don't eat soon i'll have to eat later so yeah here we come walking down the

street everyone we meet hey hey we're the monkeys people say we're monkeying around but we're too busy singing to put anybody down we're just trying to be friendly won't you come watch us sing and play we're the young generation we've got something to say say she's a wonderful lady and she's mine all mine and there doesn't seem to be a way you're coming with my mind it's not easy playing songs with a girl in a yellow dress been a long time since the party and the room is in a mess me me me i don't

know the words to that why don't you put on me why don't you set me free why don't you do what i do know what i said when i'm me do oder do ...

Oh if I fly like the wind off the bluebird as she sings The six o'clock alarm would never ring, but he breathes in and out while I'm sleeping I close my eyes, the ceiling raises up and leaves me here I'm going to go.

Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Bye