#279 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (17th December 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely be bored to sleep and only listen when you can safely close your eyes. So, hang gliding is kind of out of the question whilst listening to this.

You don't want to be banging into a mountain or something. Banging? I don't know if you could bang into a mountain. A mountain.

So, those of you that have never listened to this thingy that I do before, it's a multitude of things. It's kind of grown, expanded, a bit like my belly. It's kind of grown.

Isn't it? There's parts of you that you don't want to grow as well, isn't there? Parts you'd like to grow just don't, do they? But, yeah, my belly's grown and it started off, I think it was around January, February time in 2018. And it was kind of an experiment. I thought, I don't know.

I don't know what I was thinking really. I just thought, I'll try something a little bit different. And partly because when I did my vlogs, when I used to do video vlogs, JSON chats, I'd be talking for like half an hour or maybe an hour sometimes.

And then I'd take them off YouTube because I never used to leave them on there for long. And people would say, are we going to do another one? But the viewers, and they'd say, can you do another one? Because we find it so relaxing when they weren't supposed to be relaxing. So I took that to mean that I was a bit boring because I was actually talking about my life and people were falling asleep.

So, and I've been doing the sort of sleep insomnia recordings for about 14 years or something, or not at that point, but since 2006. So I thought, okay, what if I kind of mix the two together, kind of? So that's what I did. And it has progressed to being a squeaky chair.

This chair annoys me. I don't notice it's squeaking, generally. It's only when I'm making a recording.

The rest of the time, I don't even notice. I nearly fell asleep yesterday when I was making the recording. And I literally was like, I was just really tired.

So I started and it was, I'd probably say the first one or two was more like a relaxation session or sleep session that I'd previously done. And then it gradually turned into something else. I'm not really sure how I would describe it because not every recording is the same.

Sometimes I'll read out of some books or, oh, did you hear that? That was loud, wasn't it? Someone slamming the gate. Sometimes I thought it'd be fairly quiet at this time of night. It's 10 to one in the morning.

There's always a few background sounds. It's fine. It's part of the process.

And I'm now wondering, I've just seen he's just jumped off the bed, I've heard him. So he's going to be coming in here, probably running around, causing havoc. So what was I saying? Yes, it's kind of progressed to be a sniffy session.

It's kind of progressed to be whatever it is, sort of organically become something relaxing, maybe soothing. Some of the feedback that I have received has been that listening to me can, it sort of slows your mind down and kind of gives your brain something else to focus on other than thoughts and stuff like that. And what else? I don't know.

Some people said it's company. So it's almost like a kind of radio show, in a sense, but it's not live. Well, it's live when I do it.

I mean, I'm alive when I produce the recording. But I mean, I can actually produce it live. I do have the ability to broadcast live on the podcast, or actually as a like a radio show.

However, that's dependent upon the internet working perfectly. And it does most of the time, but I wouldn't want to, I wouldn't want to do a recording or like do a broadcast and then suddenly, the thing sort of cuts out. Although I will be doing a live Facebook broadcast on Christmas Day.

And because I'm going to be announcing the winner of the current competition, which is to win an Amazon Echo Dot, which will be sent to you wherever you are in the world. It's going to be a free gift or free prize. And originally, it was for people that leave a video comment.

But I've now included people that leave a video review rather on the review page of my website. Also, it's going to include people that leave a review, a comment review. And but those that leave a video review will get two chances to win.

So they'll get an extra, they'll get their name put in twice. Because I'm really looking for some video reviews, because I thought they'd be really, really groovy to have that. And the way it works, it's really cool because I've been paying for this service to have to allow people to actually post videos.

So I'd like people to use it if possible. It's, if you're on your phone, most people do listen, or they go onto the website, you know, they use their phone. So if you go to my website, jasonnewland.com, first of all, all of my recordings that I do from this podcast are actually on there as well.

So you can stream it there, if you want, or download it for free. The, if you go to the review page, and you click, write a review, you can read the reviews are there as well. It's got two different sections.

There's the products page. And there's the shop page, or products and shop. So you click so there's reviews that have been left on the review page.

Or on the first page of the website. But if someone's gone to actual a product, so let's say yesterday's let me bore you to sleep 278 something like that. Then if they leave a review on that page, it will come up as a product page.

Anyway, that's where it's like, it'll give you a list of where they are. So you can read them or watch the videos. You can also click on the writer review.

And it just asks for your name, email address, what your review is writing, you can write something down. And then you can click on the video symbol, which is just below the thing. And then it will give you an opportunity, it'll give you a choice, you can choose a video which is already on your phone that you've made previously.

Or you can actually record it there and then live and then post it. And I'm only asking for like a short video. I don't want to looking for like a three hour epic, but just you know, maybe 30 seconds, 20 seconds, maybe a minute, I don't know.

I'm not sure how long, how much it can allow, but just a short video just to say, Hey, JJ, wish you looked how you sound. Wish you was six foot six and blonde with brown eyes. But you're not.

Why can't you be how I want you to be? So yeah, if you if you do that, you'll be included in the competition. So anyone that does that, leaves any reviews on the website between now and Christmas Day, 25th of December 2019, will be put into a... I don't know how I'm going to do it yet. I might might just write down the names on pieces of paper, and then just chuck them in a bucket and shake the bucket up.

Or, or I might actually see if I can get hold of some kind of pinball machine that you can get, you know, with all the balls shaking around and stuff. But obviously, you know, not an expensive one. Because I'm hoping.

Oh, yes, I'm hoping and planning to do one competition every month. And future competitions will be something like for everyone that 2nd of January, not decided yet. I'm saying it just as an example, a possibility.

Anyone that shares my posts on Facebook will be automatically entered into the competition to win something. It might be a personalized, it might just be a one off recording that won't be available to anyone else. It might be, it could be different things, could be a CD, it could be, it could be, you know, who knows, I'll think of something.

But it'll be, you know, it'll be a prize that you'll get either digitally sent or sent by post to you. Also, what I could do is make a recording. And for those that share my videos or whatever on Facebook, will then get a a copy of that recording.

But only those that share during that month. It'll be like a one off. So I suppose instead of just giving it to just one person, I could give it to however many people share.

So like everyone's a winner then. Except me, because I'll have to make a recording. So that is a possibility.

Tis a possibility. Tis, tis, tis. Tizzy, tis, tis, tis.

Have a quick drink. So that's what I'm thinking of doing. So I will announce the winner Christmas Day.

So if you're listening to this in January or February or, you know, 2020 or maybe November 2042, you know, whenever the competition is done. But you're still welcome to leave a video review on my website. Because the more the merrier.

I mean, a lot of it is just, just for me really. Just to, just to hear how things are going. To hear how, what I'm doing is useful.

And I'm not, I'm not aiming, I know I'm talking about it on this podcast, but it's aimed also for anyone on other, that listen to my other stuff as well. My deep sleep whisper hypnosis or the relaxation hypnosis for stress, anxiety, panic attacks, or the sleep hypnosis weekly or any of the other stuff that I do. Because on those podcasts, I don't have so much of an opportunity to talk about competitions.

And if I do, it has to be really quick before I get on with what I'm talking, you know, what I'm there for. I could spend the entire recording here talking about it because it's boring. So I'm just very lucky that it all fits into the plan.

What else was I going to say? I haven't been out today at all. Been raining, raining and raining and raining. I say today, I mean, it's now a new day, but you know, yesterday, I'm still awake.

I haven't been out. I just, I mean, I had a big, big spike in downloads today. Well, yeah, I mean, today's still happening online because it doesn't swap over until about one or two o'clock.

You know, a new day starts. I don't know why. That's just the way it is on Spreaker.

And so I've had about 5000 downloads in the last, I don't know, 20, 22 hours or something. And that's quite cool. I quite like that.

Well, I did upload a few, a fair few of my old relaxation recordings onto the Relaxation for Stress and Anxiety podcast. And I put in brackets old relaxation recording, because I thought it might be useful. And also, that's where the audience is now for my relaxation things.

So there was a big spike on that on that podcast. But I still had a lot more generally today than I normally do. So it's, it's been nice.

I did make two recordings yesterday. So that could have something to do. I did a deep sleep whisper.

And let me bore you to sleep. As well. Yesterday.

Yeah. So my idea, my idea is to do this thing, which is last week, I think it was Friday. I was in town, I had to go into town.

And they, what did they do? Oh, yeah. And I went into a shop which sells cheap stuff, cheap books and, and I've got a couple of books. They're both supposed to be what it says recommend, well, RRP, Recommended Retail Pooh at £6.99. And there was £2.

And the other one was also supposed to be £6.99. And it was £2. And one's called The Little Book of Drinking Games. And the other one's called F in Exams, The Best Test Paper Blunders.

So I thought I'd dip into one of them. I'm just going to move my thing around. So I thought I would get myself nice and relaxed.

I'll take my glasses off because I need my, well, the thing is I can get by without my reading glasses when reading. But not for like long periods of time. But distance, I mean, I'll take my glasses off now.

I've got no idea where they are. No, I don't know. I'll take my glasses off and the television's on.

And I can see it, but it's, it's a bit blurry. Especially the writing. So, yeah, it's weird.

I can see, I can see like the colours and I can see, I'm just going to see if it's easier, if it's better on my peripheral. My eyes get tired when I try and watch television without glasses. Now, it wasn't that long ago that I used to watch television without glasses.

But then I went to the opticians and started wearing glasses whilst watching television. Because the glasses doctor said, you actually need to wear glasses while you're watching television. I said, just, just television? He said, no, you can do other things.

I mean, you know, you need to have a variety of activities in your life. I said, no, I mean, do I need to wear them for anything else? He said, well, there's a good way of figuring out for yourself when you need to wear glasses. I said, what's that? He said, well, when you're looking at something and you can't see it, then maybe you need to wear glasses.

I said, what? He said, yeah, that's the best way. I said, are you actually medically trained? He said, no. No, I wanted to be a doctor, but that didn't work out.

Then I wanted to be a vet. That didn't work out. I couldn't get a job at Amazon, picking, you know, packing stuff.

So I thought I'd become a, what do you call it? An optician? Yeah, yeah, an optician. I keep forgetting. Well, how did you manage to study to do that if you don't even know what it's called? Oh, it's easy.

I just, I went to a different country and got my qualifications there. What? Yeah, it's a lot easier sometimes. You go, if you know the right places to go, you just turn up, give me your money and, you know, you do a few online tests and stuff.

And they sort of run it through you, show you a few YouTube videos. And Joanne's your auntie and it's done. What? I said, no, I'm making it up.

So which bit, which bit are you making up? Oh no, I did, I did get a job at Amazon. The rest is true, but I did get a job at Amazon, but I had to finance the, uh, $400 to become a optician. You know, that training course, expensive it was.

I mean, really all you need to do is just like, look through your left eye and you just give them different lenses. And the good thing about it is you give them a lens that you, you guess is okay. Yeah.

And then you keep giving them rubbish lenses and you show first one or the second one, first one or the second one. But every time you just manipulate them so they just take the ones that you already have. So basically everybody in the world has got the same pair of glasses, but they don't realize it.

It's the same lenses. That's why when we say, oh, come back next Wednesday to collect your glasses. Cause we have the frames, have the lenses put into the frames, your prescription.

We don't, they're all the same. In fact, some don't even have glass in them. No one ever notices.

Why would they not notice? Well, they need glasses, don't they? They can't see properly. Well, why don't you give them proper lenses then? That's because they don't really exist. It was a made up thing.

And some before would be a funny, funny joke to say that you can wear stuff that makes your vision better. And the public kind of bought into it. And it was like one of the biggest placebos ever.

Just by giving someone a pair of glasses with normal lenses or even no lenses, they believe that they can see better. They can read better. And it's like a, it's a panacea.

Is it panacea? Is that the right word? I don't know. I've got my thesaurus on me. Yeah.

It's like, it's great. It's really, really good. Wow.

Didn't know that. You know why you didn't know it? Why? Because a tap dance story out of my life. So this book's called F in Exams.

The Best Test Paper Blunders by Richard Benson. So of course, I'm not going to read the whole thing to you. Copyright Somersdale Publishers Limited 2008.

So I'm not gonna, I'm just gonna just, it's an advert basically. I'm going to advertise this book. Go and buy it.

It's a brilliant book. You can get it from any good bookshop. F in Exams.

The Best Test Paper Blunders by Richard Benson. And it's pretty cheap as well. So it's got a few different ones.

So I'll read out a few different bits. So, have a look. What is a nitrate? That's the question on the exam.

The answer is much cheaper than the day rate. I like this next one. Give a brief explanation of the meaning of the term hard water.

Someone's put ice. Let's see what other ones. Ah, let's have a look.

Yana Blah. What's described the chemical differences between H2O and CO2? H2O is hot water. CO2 is cold water.

So here's another question. This is very kind of apt for the environment really is. Here's the question.

It was predicted in 1988 that tin reserves would only last until the year 2006. However, 18 years later there are still enough reserves to meet industry demand. Why is this? And the answer's been put.

Because people are not buying so many tins of baked beans. Let's look at this next one. Okay, I like this.

Over the last 50 years there's been a significant change in the concentration of carbon dioxide. Give a reason for this. It's easily distracted.

I like that. It's funny. Okay, so that's that.

I'll have a drink while I'm doing this. Adam cuts his arm. Blood gushes out and it's red in color.

What does this show? And the answer. He is not a robot. He's a real boy.

What is a fibula? A little lie. Oh dear. This is under biology.

Okay, so what? What? What do you? Okay, I'm just, I'm going through it. Um, how is oxygen loaded, transported, and unloaded in the bloodstream? By forklift truck. In the Hawaiian islands there are around 500 different species of fruit fly.

Give a reason for this. And the answer. There are approximately 500 varieties of fruit.

Oh dear. I suppose I should talk really, shouldn't I? Just, just have a little look. What happens to your body when taking a breath? Your chest gets bigger.

So this is physics now. What is Sir Isaac Newton famous for? He invented gravity. Let's have a look for other ones.

Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels. Fire. Describe what happened during the big bang.

A lot of noise. Give the names of two gases that might contribute to global warming. Number one, bottom gas.

Two, cow burps. Okay, so look. Give a reason why people would want to live near power lines.

The answer. You get your electricity faster. Give three ways to reduce heat loss in your home.

Thermal underwear. Move to Hawaii or close the door. So this is geography.

Let's have a look. Here's another one. State three drawbacks of hedge grow removal.

All the cows will escape. The cars drive into the fields. There is nowhere to hide.

Oh wow. Volcanoes occur on what kind of plate margins? Hot plates. What does the word lava mean? A prepubescent caterpillar.

Okay. What do we call a person forced to leave their home perhaps by a natural disaster or war without having another home to go to? Homeless. Homeless.

Dead or dead. Let's have a look. Inhabitants of Moscow are called mosquitoes.

I'm still looking for the next one. How high is Mount Everest? And the answer. Depends how much snowfall it has had since it was last measured.

Good point. Some maths. I probably wouldn't even know if the wrong answer was right or not.

Change 7 8th to a decimal 7.8. Name a regular triangle. A three-sided triangle. Oh this one says write 200,000 in figures.

And they've just copied it and writing 200,000 in figures. And that's something I probably would have done when I was at school. At school and now probably.

This this is good. There are 300 students in year 10. Mary and Mark want to find out year 10's favourite colour.

Mary asks 30 people. Mark asks 150 people. Mark says, my conclusions are more likely to be reliable than Mary's.

Why does Mark think he is right? And the student's answer is because Mark is a man. And all men think they're right. A car company is having a sale.

A car that was £25,000 before the sale now has 50% cut off. What is the new price? Still too expensive. It's got one here.

Expand 2 and then in brackets x plus y. And they basically just put 2 in brackets x plus y and underneath a larger version. They did a larger version of that and then an even larger version underneath. I don't know.

What is conditional probability? Maybe, maybe not. I've got an itchy eye. There's got to be another one here somewhere.

You are at a friend's party. Six cupcakes are distributed among nine plates and there is no more than one cake per plate. What is the probability of receiving a plate with a cake on it? The answer nil if my sister is invited to.

Next question. What is the symbol for pie? And someone just drew a piece of pie. John and Julie are both strong badminton players.

It is more probable that Julie will beat John in four games out of seven or five games out of nine? Oh yeah, it's a question. Is it more probable that Julie will beat John in four games out of seven or five games out of nine? And the answer is given is she will win every game. She's a girl.

Girls are better at these things. Okay, the next question. How should Julie play to minimize any loss? Dirty.

The next one is in business studies. Explain the word wholesaler. Someone who sells you whole items.

Example, a whole cake. Wow, this is controversial. It says here.

Okay. Assess Fashion House PLC's choice to locate its factory near Birmingham. Yes, so I was thinking assess was the name of the fashion house.

Assess Fashion House PLC's choice to locate its factory near Birmingham. If Birmingham is Birmingham, the right location for this type of business. Somebody put no.

People from Birmingham aren't very fashionable. I don't agree with that. I think people from Birmingham are brilliant.

And I could never judge anyone on their fashion. I'm the least fashionable person on the planet. Seriously.

Suggest three steps Paul is likely to take when selecting the best candidate for a job. You're hired. You're fired.

You're hired. Describe. This is for business studies.

Describe the term stakeholder of Empire Hunter. Buffy being the most famous. Claire was well prepared for her interview.

Explain how Claire May had prepared herself for the interview. Had a bath and put on her lucky pants. That's the next section.

I'm not reading out all of them. I'm just picking a couple out of each one. Psychology.

Let's have a look. Explain the psychodynamic approach. Using your mind to move things like a Jedi.

Suggest a way to abate aggression. If your hands are tied behind your back, you can't punch people. Explain the process of learning.

A process by which information goes into one ear and out of the other. Express the term stereotype. It's what kind of CD player you own.

Who said, I think, therefore, I am. I did. Please fill in the sections of Maslow's hierarchy of needs below.

At the top and at the bottom. I'm all the way up to the top. The bottom is chocolate buns, biscuits, cream egg, ice cream.

At the top, cake. That's someone that really didn't want to look. They didn't want to pass, did they? Upon ascending the throne, the first thing Queen Elizabeth II did was to sit down.

Summarize the key developments of the Industrial Revolution. Industry revolved. Name one of Abraham Lincoln's greatest achievements.

Having his face carved in rock. Summarize the major events of the Cold War. It started off by someone throwing an ice cream and then someone threw a lolly back.

Why was the Berlin Wall built? Germany was competing with China. So this is history. Explain what is meant by the word dictator.

Someone who reads out loud. Why did Britons have better health after the year 1990? Because the 80s were over. What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common? Unusual names.

Okay, so look. This is general studies. Jeff has been asked to collect data about the amount of television his friends watch.

Think of an appropriate question he could ask them. How much TV do you watch? That seems fair. What happens during the census? During the census a man goes from door to door and increases the population.

ICT. Don't know what that means. Okay, so computer studies.

The local swimming pool uses a computer system to regulate the water level. Can you suggest a disadvantage of using a computer in this instance? Computers do not make very good lifeguards. Suggest an advantage to videoconferencing.

You can't smell bad breath via video. What is a CD-ROM? An album of romantic music. What is a hard disk? It doesn't break when you put it in a dishwasher.

What is a floppy disk? It is a disk that has been left out in the rain. Use the word judicious in a sentence to illustrate its meaning. I'm sure I wrote this in English.

I'm using judicious in this sentence to illustrate its meaning. Wow. Name one of the early Romans greatest achievements.

Learning to speak Latin. Name the successor of the first Roman emperor. The second Roman emperor.

Oh dear. That's it. I'm not doing any more.

So I hope I've bored you sufficiently enough for you to drift it off. Sleep. I wish you well and I will speak to you tomorrow.

Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Bye.