#243 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (22nd October 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is jasonnewland.com and this is letmeboytosleep.com and please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes. I'm bored with that now. I'm going to stop.

So oh I'm sitting in my big black squeaky chair that's falling apart and Andre's running around doing his thing but it is very early. It's early evening. It's in fact about 13 minutes past 8 p.m which is not normally a time that I would make recordings but I have been felt really ill the last few days.

The last I don't know a week or so something like that and spent a lot of time in bed and subsequently ended up reversing my sleeping patterns and the last probably six possibly six days I've been waking up early in the morning and I've been feeling really tired about nine o'clock in the evening. Last night I went to bed about nine, half nine, nine something like that and uh got up about eight o'clock this morning. It's just really weird.

It's for me because I have been sleeping, I've been doing the opposite to this for it's well over a year. It might be even longer. Might be two years.

I don't know. I lose track. It's been over a year that I've been, the whole of 2019 plus month before that.

So well over a year I've been predominantly sleeping during the day and being awake all night tall. At the very latest, very earliest, latest four o'clock in the morning. Sometimes later seven o'clock, sometimes even later than that.

But generally six or seven would be the cut off when I would go to bed. So I'd make my recordings in the middle of the night because it's quieter and I didn't realize I was more motivated to do it at night than when I'm awake during the day which is a bit unusual because that's why I bought the garden shed for my bedroom to have as a recording studio so that I can sit in there and make audios, recordings, regardless of the time of day and not have much in the way of background sound. But it turns out I don't want to be awake during the day.

I really miss being awake during the night because I get so much more done. I get more work done on the websites. I make more recordings.

Now maybe part of the reason is, it's a fairly valid reason that I've not made many recordings is because I've not felt well for, it's hard to know how long, but it's as long as I've been waking up. So it's kind of coincided with that because I was sleeping all the time. So I was both physically and mentally just not well at the same time which is not always a great combination and I'm now feeling better mentally.

Physically I feel better than I did but tired, a bit achy and stuff but then I've been coughing a bit so which, talking about coughing makes me want to cough. Coughing doesn't fit together with making recordings so yeah so that's what I've been, that's why. And also I was a little bit, a little bit and I shouldn't really make a big deal of it but I was a little bit disappointed in Spreaker, my podcast host, for reducing my stats.

I lost 12,000 off the total stats since November last year. So I was, you know, I reached the 5,000, the 500,000 mark probably about 10 days ago and then it went up to I think 517,000 and I woke up six, I don't know what day it was, six days ago excuse me, and it'd gone down to 505,000 downloads. I was fuming, there was smoke coming out of my ears and everything and I just couldn't believe it, just oh but you know what I perhaps shouldn't make too much of a big deal about the stats.

It just gives me a little bit of a buzz when I see the stats gone up so however the last few days the stats have been fairly good considering I've not made any new recordings really apart from one Let Me Bore You To Sleep a couple of days back. It's getting warm in here now, I've got the heating on and it just comes on randomly. It's not on a timer just on random so if it hits below a certain temperature like 20 degrees or something it comes on but it was an okay temperature before so maybe I need to move it down to 19 degrees.

I've got a friend who always used to have it on 17 degrees. I remember him saying it never went below or above 17 degrees and if the temperature changed from that the heating would come on if it became lower than 17 because his theory or his reason for it is he found that 17 degrees was an optimum temperature. As you can hear Andre's decided to, he's climbing through his plastic tube.

Bless him. So I've already took, I took him out for a walk already today a few hours ago. Took him out just before it was, just before it got dark so it was around five o'clock.

It gets, it's pretty much getting dark by six now so I took him out and walked him around the block. I put him down so I walked him up to the end of the road and I thought come on you lazy bugger, you can't get, walk, walk, go on. So I put him down on the floor and you should have seen how he was walking.

You know you see a like a sheep born for the first time or you know an animal horse born for the first time and it just pops out of its mother's bum and and it's like struggling to get up and it's like falling over the place but you know that's what he was doing. Pretending he couldn't walk. I'm making a big dramatic thing about it when he can walk absolutely fine and then he begged me to carry him again.

He does this thing where he puts both of his hands together on my leg and like leans up on my leg if he wants me to carry him. It's just a communication that we've got between us. So I carry him and he looked at me.

I'm sure he was kind of in his own way. I'm sure he was he just seemed to be acting smug. I got you there.

I can walk fine but you thought I couldn't. You just care too much. That's your problem daddy.

You care too much and I'm thinking perhaps I just should let go of the lead and then just run into the fields and just go home. Leave him there. Eventually the last little bit of the journey he wanted to get down and he walked the last five minutes of the journey and at one point I was holding him.

I did put him down for a little bit and the... I have to keep putting it on pause because I need to cough. If you hear any weird noise it's just me putting it on pause because I keep coughing all the time. So I'll have a drink.

I'm pretty sure the central heating irritates it a little bit but then I don't want to be cold. You know what I mean? So a couple of dogs were like playing around. It was really beautiful to watch.

They were really having fun with each other. They clearly loved each other. So I pick Andre up because one of the dogs is kind of eyeing him up.

So I pick Andre up and they start talking to me and not the dogs, the people, humans. And they said, I'm just asking about him really. Does he ever bit anyone? I said no, not really.

Not really. Which is true. I mean since he was a baby, he bit me when he was a baby and that's it.

And they would look at him and say, oh look at his... and he was yawning. Look at his teeth, they're like razors. I look at them, they are like razors but I said yeah, you should feel the jaw.

He's got probably one of the strongest jaws of any animal of his size. And he started scratching at my coat. That's another way he told me he wants to go inside my jacket.

So I pull the zip down and he goes in there and basically he just wants to go to sleep. He's so impatient. He lets me know what he wants.

These little signs, which is, I think it's quite cute really. So he lets me know what he wants me to carry him. He lets me know what he wants me to let him go on when he wants to go back down on the floor.

Because he wiggles around like a big hairy worm and then he lets me know when he wants to go into the jacket by scratching at him like a little kitten does at its mum's nipple. You know, they like pat it. Adult cats still do it, don't they? And I think it's quite cute.

Not on nipples but I mean on... and he's a cat, he should do it to me. He used to... years ago there was this cat. I forget what its name was but it's the only cat I ever bonded with.

Only cat ever that I bonded with that I really... for some reason the cat liked me. Never been a cat person. I'm not against cats at all, you know, I've lived in houses with cats but this is the first time a cat really took to me.

Really kind of... I don't know why. Anyway, she used to come into my bedroom and I'd lay on my stomach and she'd walk up and down my back like... and I'd massage my back and it felt so nice. Sometimes she'd go to sleep on my back which would be a little bit awkward because I want to move off.

So okay, that's enough now. But she'd like tap her hands on me like she was trying to get a nipple to give her milk and stuff. Oh, by the way, if anyone's offended by the word nipple then you really need to sort your life out.

I'm sorry. It's really... it's like what? I'm offended by that word. Oh come on.

Really? You know, some people do get offended by stuff. It amazes me. Just, you know, the little things.

I understand when people get offended over something that's big. You know, it's something hateful. But nipples are not hateful.

They're... it's like every... I don't know if every animal in the world has them. I don't know if trees even... do trees have nipples? The thing is now all I can think about is nipples and it's not any kind of weird perversion. It's really just... I don't class... I just think of it as a... it's all I can think about.

It's a nipple. So whatever. The dogs.

Dogs have nipples, don't they? I think Andre's got a few nipples, which is weird because he's a boy. It's not weird that he's got nipples because I'm a boy and I've got nipples. You may say, no, but you're a man.

Trust me, I've got nothing really. I think I'm still a boy. I don't... I can't... got nothing I can really... no concrete evidence of being a man just yet.

One day maybe I'll be a man. But I'm a boy. I'm a boy with a toy.

Why do words rhyme with boy other than toy? I'm a boy with a toy full of joy. It sometimes says oi when I want to get past the horse of Troy. I don't know.

Oi, oi, boy. So that's not a Gordie Gunn boy, am I? C. Koi. Oh, sometimes koi... but then that could be a fish, couldn't it? Koi fish.

Koi. Doi. Ui.

E. A cdf. Foi.

GOI, G H HOI, I U J JOI, and that one, K KOI, that's different from C isn't it, L LOI, M MOI, N NOI, O OI, UI, P POI, Q KIOI, R ROI, I'm a boy named Roy, he's full of joy and sometimes I get a bit KOI, ROI, SOI, and I like, and in my milk, no, and in my tea I like some SOI, S T TOI, and I like toys, TOI, T S T U UI, V VOI, VOI VOI, VOI V V W, VOI, X XOI, Y YOI, this next one is going to

be a bit of a shock and I might have to explain it, it's called Z, it's the last letter of the alphabet and millions and millions of people have, they pronounce it incorrectly and they're taught in school to pronounce it incorrectly, it's Z not, and some people think, call it Z, it's not Z, it's Z, that's how it's, correct pronunciation is, so Z ZOI, and basically Z, that's just like a phonetic way to pronounce it, maybe it was complicated because Z is a kind of a weird way to pronounce, it sounds normal because, well I

was educated correctly, no, it sounds normal because that's all I've ever known, it's only really, I think, I'm pretty sure Sesame Street used to use Z, Z XYZ, like no, no you're wrong, it's Z, you know, but I wonder why that is, I should look into that, why, why the hundreds, hundreds of millions of people say Z instead of Z, and there are young people in this country that say Z, in England, wrongly say Z, that's why J Z, I won't call them J Z, J Z, if it was J Z it'd be Z E

E, J Z E E, then I'd call them J Z, but if it's just J and just a letter, it's J Z, those are the facts, do with them what you will, I'm just a messenger, don't blame me, I didn't make it up, I'm just passing on the information, Mr Z, I'm in Z, I noticed in a video recently with J Z, he was, they just announced him, I think he was with, not Drake, who's the other one, um, a superstar, he thinks he's, he's very hugely famous, because there's a few like rappers that are

at the top, isn't there, of their game, J Z, Z, Drake, and they're like just superstars, and there's one married to a Kardashian, that one, that, that, that, that, um, not Deontay, why do I keep saying Deontay, Deontay, Leontay, Yarlontay, Minontay, Grabontay, um, I do like some of his stuff, obviously not enough to learn his name, but just, it's gone out of my head for now, but he married the, the Kardashian porn star, um, I think, oh, what's his name, got my neighbors turning the bathroom light on and off, on and off, on and off,

continuously, just leave the light on, that's what I do, I leave the bathroom light on all the time at night, just leave it on, the bathroom lights are noisy, need to click, click, click, click, shouldn't have to hear a bathroom light from someone else's lavatory in a flat, a separate flat, shouldn't have to hear that, I mean, even when I've got the bedroom door closed, right, I can hear the bathroom light being turned on and off at night, it's like the most echoist, the echoiest room in the house is the bathroom, so I've got an

idea, why don't we have the loudest, clickiest light switch in the echoiest room in the house, that's a good idea, and while we're doing that, why don't we put the radiators underneath the windows, so all the heat goes out, yeah, oh dear, I'm just moaning, aren't I, today, I'm just moaning, I've got to stop moaning, show some appreciation for myself, I'm not sure if I dreamt it, or if I actually saw an advert somewhere, no, it was a YouTube video, it was a YouTube video, and what it was promoting was No Nuts November, that's what

the term was he was using, and it's basically an abstination, an abstinent from helping yourself, self-service, and squeaking the hedgehog, whatever you want to call it, it's basically a whole month of keeping your hands busy doing other things, kind of, you know, for boys apparently, this thing is, and it showed a picture on the cover of the video, was two pictures of a boy, you know, a teenager, young adult, whatever, before and afterwards, afterwards it was all healthy and strong and happy, before it was basically a deflated human, flat, and just like, oh dear, oh

dear, I didn't watch the video, but I did laugh, No Nuts November, that's what they call it, seriously, it's a real thing apparently, I was like, wow, I thought I'd seen everything, but clearly not, No Nuts November, I used to have a friend that did that, when I was living in the Buddhist community, he was, sorry, I'm laughing, he, we all kind of had our thing that we did, so on a Monday we'd meet and maybe one of us would, it wasn't like something that we had to do, but we'd say, oh, for this next

week I'm going to eat less biscuits, or I'm going to maybe swear less, try and be more generous, you know, that kinds of things, which is a lovely sentiment, and I can't remember if I ever promised to do stuff, I might have done, whether I kept to it, I don't know, but it's hard to remember that, or what anyone else ever said, because of this one person, I won't say his name, but because you could google him and find out about him, so I'm not going to say his name, and he said, I remember him

saying, and he's very funny, the way he, I had a lot of time for him, but the way he presented his, his story structured what he said, and what he was planning to do, and he said, for the next week I'm going to abstain, and we basically say it's going to be celibate.

Now, when I think of celibacy, well, two things, firstly, I think of it as being not something I usually have much choice in, but, you know, celibacy is not having intimate relations with somebody, that's not what he meant, because I questioned, I said, well, I didn't know you had a girlfriend, and he said, I don't, now I knew his room was full of cactuses and various plants, and I pointed that out, and he said, why are you mentioning that, I said, I'm not sure really, he said, yeah, you've kind of gone off subject a bit,

haven't you, I said, I know, but just, what do you mean celibate, he said, well, I still can't believe he brought the cactuses into it, like some kind of a weird thing that I've got going on there, I happen to love cactuses, or cacti, and plants, because it's given me fresh air in my bedroom, so, yeah, I think we'll talk about that later, I know, I've upset him, I said, you're going about the celibacy though, he said, oh yeah, I'm going to abstain from any activity within that sphere, I said, what, and we went back

and forward a few times, and then another person in the room said, very bluntly, it means you're not going to have a, and then just finished a sentence like, oh, okay, fair enough, why didn't you just say that, and so every time I saw him during the week, because I used to see him quite regularly at one point, and he'd say, still celibate, and he, I think we sat down for lunch, or for dinner, probably about five days later, and he sat down, and he was smiling, I said, you all right, he said, yeah, I've

just broken my celibacy a couple of minutes ago, okay, right, that's nice, because he's passed the cream salad, so I can put that on the chips, why are you telling us while we're eating, I'm no longer celibate, it was just really, and then the next day, I'm going to be celibate again, see if I can make it last longer, because it helps clean my chakras, so I don't know if that's true, don't know much about cleaning, anything really, but he is one of the most spiritual people I've met, like really seriously, seriously spiritual, I've met

a lot, and he even went off to be a guru of his own teachings, and he's written books, and everything, he was teaching on an island in the Caribbean, or somewhere, or Sweden, somewhere like that, so my geography really is bad, it's been pointed out to me that maybe I could do a few geography lessons, but I kind of miss him sometimes, I remember he phoned, he moved out, and he very much into meeting someone to be in love with, very romantic person, and he was doing a lot of online dating long before he was

popular, and this was this is like 12 years ago, or something, 15, yeah, 13 years ago, and he met someone online, and went and traveled to see them, and they lived the other side of the country, so he ended up moving out of the community, and then I got a message from someone saying to me, he's in trouble, I said, well, he said, yeah, he's on a mountain somewhere, it's like in, I think in Scotland, or somewhere, he's on a mountain, he's homeless, and he's, and I thought, what, so I phoned him, it couldn't have

been a mountain, because he's got a good reception, and I said, what's going on, he said, yeah, I've got frostbite in my toes, the relationship didn't work out, and now I'm living in a tent, on a, it's only a little mountain, and I said, I said, come home then, he said, haven't you got to ask the other people, I said, probably, but come home anyway, and I said, look, here's a situation, even if they don't want you back, you'll still stay here as my guest, and you can stay in my room on the floor if

it comes to it, and because he was, he didn't leave in bad terms or anything, he just left to go and be with someone, and so he ended up, he came back the next day, he came back on his motorbike, and his foot was all over, it's not funny, but his foot was wrapped up, and I think he went to the hospital, and got treated and stuff, could Andre make even more noise, seriously, seriously, so what I did is, I got a little meeting together, that day after speaking to him on the phone, and I

said, what's his name, he's in need of help, he's homeless, and he's living in a tent, this was, I think, January, so it was like, coldest month of the year, pretty much, and they said, well, we should have a meeting, we should have a meeting about, and have a vote about whether we let him come back, and I said, no vote, he's coming back, that's it, and they just gave in, I said, he's coming back, he's our friend, and he's coming back, and that's all there is to it, and I said, I'll cover the rent

for his room, if you need me to, because I was working and everything, I said, this is our friend, you can't leave someone, especially when you've got an empty room, what the heck, but we must have a vote, because he left us for a lady, I was like, really?

Oh, man, and he came back, the thing is, he was probably the most devoted person to the thing, when he was there, he was so devoted to the, because he was in the shrine room every morning, and, you know, he was very devoted to the community, I was more, I did my bit, I think, but I was working full-time in insurance, and I think living there really helped me, until a problematic person moved in, and, well, you know, clash, clash of personalities or whatever, and I ended up moving out, but that's another story that I'm

never going to tell, because it's not a happy story, I was just talking, and Alexa started, some big loud thing about Mars or whatever, stupid thing, what on earth was that about, so I have to go back, what time was it, 43 minutes in, I have to go back and edit that out, which I can't be bothered to do, see, Andre's, he was climbing all over the things, I think he might have triggered something, he just won't sit still for two seconds, yeah, he's asleep for hours and hours and hours, but when he's awake, man,

like he's on speed or something, I think living in the Buddhist community was helpful for me, it softened me, and I think when I was there from March 2005 until November 2007, so I was there for a while, and as far as a shared house goes, it's one of the best places I've lived for a shared place, because I got on well with most of the people that lived there, apart from that one person that moved in near the end, but I got on really well with everyone else, and I've become really, really close with

an order member, he was ordained, and he'd lived there for a long time, so I've become really close with him, and that's how I got on most of the time with everyone, and it was a fairly big room, that's when I started doing the hypnosis free stuff, you know, the audios and the videos online, so it was quite a nice memorable kind of time for me, the only time that I didn't enjoy was the last couple of months, but before that, in fact it might have just been the last month really, but which is a

little bit annoying, well a lot annoying at the time, but I had a girlfriend, and then I had a part-time job in Sainsbury's that I had yet to start, and I'd just started my university degree, and of course I had somewhere to live, and I had a student loan and stuff, so it was all kind of worked out perfectly, and well, you know, it was perfect, it worked out, so I had an income, I had a nice girlfriend, it was still early stages there, but we'd been together for a couple of months, and then all

kind of went a bit wrong, and I ended up, I couldn't find a room in the town that I was living in, because of the small amount of money I was on, I couldn't afford the rents, which were just way higher than I'd been paying in the community, and I kind of, because I hadn't fitted that into the plan, you know, to be paying an extra £150, £200 a month for rent, so I ended up moving to Colchester, and I found rent that was about the same as what I was paying in the other town

I was living in, but it was a tiny little, such a small little room it was, and not enough room for my books, so my books were in plastic containers stacked up to the ceilings, and my girlfriend left me, so I was like, what?

She got the up on me because I moved away, however, when I told her that I needed to find somewhere to live because of the situation, she said, well, have you tried calling up the college and seeing if they can suggest anywhere?

Which I did, and they suggested the place that I looked at, so they, it was her idea, unless she was just pretending to, well, maybe that's her plan, I don't know, and then I contacted Sainsbury's and asked them if I could transfer the job to the Colchester branch, and they said no, it's like, okay, brilliant, yay, and so that all kind of went a bit, it was weird, a weird time, but I think the good thing about, my good things about life, I think, is always come through it, always come through it, always come out

the other end in some form or another, you know, the amount of times in the past when I was younger, and everything was when I was younger, and I think, oh no, it's the end, and what am I going to be doing?

I've got no food, money, I've got nowhere to live, and a year later, I'm still here, I've got somewhere, I'm living somewhere, I've clearly eaten enough to keep me alive for last year, so things turn around, always, always turn around, things always come, I don't know if it's full circle, but things work out in the end, maybe not exactly how we want it, but they work out in a way, which I find quite, I don't know, quite, I don't know if exciting is the word, but positive, optimistic, that things will be okay, not just for

me, but for all of us, because, you know, when I first started that university course, which was the biggest challenge I had ever undertaken in my adult life, to this day, it's still the biggest challenge I've ever taken, and I accomplished it, I succeeded, but I didn't think I was going to, and just as that was starting, I was starting this three-year journey into the unknown, into education, that the one thing, but like formal education, a thing that I really didn't like, I never enjoyed at school, never enjoyed learning, I just didn't enjoy being at

school, and just going back to that classroom setting, meeting new people, just, you know, all these things, and at the same time, losing like my girlfriend, and where I was living, and that stability, all within like a month of each other, it's like, and I still managed to get through it, with help, and time, it's amazing, it's an amazing thing, and I'm hoping that I'm going to be doing a master's degree next year, and I'm hoping, I'm hoping, hoping, but it's just, it's amazing, really, just, you know, I remember 1990, what year was it, 1918,

there's a few moments, because I used to live in a town that had a pier, I loved the pier, I used to go and stand on the pier, and had the wind blowing against me, and I used to love it, and I remember standing there in 1989, I had to move out of the place I was living in, I didn't have a job, didn't know what I was gonna do, and I kept singing, Blame it on the Boogie, by Michael Jackson, for some reason, that song kept coming into the, into my head, so I was

singing it, don't blame it on the sunshine, don't blame it on the moonlight, blame it on the boogie, and kept singing it, and I remember standing on the pier thinking, what am I gonna do, what am I gonna do, blame it on the boogie, blame it on the boogie, so I thought maybe I should just blame it on the boogie, and so I walked into town, up the hill, that's in the days that I could walk up hills, I can walk up hills, with a bit of notice, or three weeks notice ideally, and I went

into the job centre, those were the days when you could go into a job centre, you could pick a card from the window, which had a job description, you could take it to the person sitting down on the table, they weren't sitting on a table, there was a chair, and they would phone up the company, and say, I've got a lovely young man here, he's ever so enthusiastic, he'd really like to have an interview, if that's okay, please mister, I think he'd be a great addition to your company's workforce, and I got the interview, so

I went along, and it's for this tank freight company, haulage company, had an interview, and he said, you got any questions, and I said, yeah, when do I start, and I think he said, well, he said, I think he told me, yeah, you can start, I think he just said, yeah, start Monday, and I did, and I went to my dad, and I told him I had a job, but I had nowhere to live, and having the job was, I think that was the main thing for him, so he let me stay with him for

a while, so I moved in there, started on Monday, it turned out I was working at the same place as my dad, he was in the actual farm bit, looking after the tanks, and I was in the haulage department, so all within one afternoon, I went from being homeless, to having a job, and having somewhere to stay, and it's, it's things like that, just like, oh, things do work out, they do work out in the end, not always perhaps how we expected, but that's more likely to happen with focus, and goals, and doing something, you

know, to, to create those changes, and to, you know, to maneuver to the place you want to be, I suppose, but yeah, I do, I do like the idea that things work out okay, in the end, I suppose I'm a bit, not insightful, I'm a bit thinky, I'm a bit thinky today, because I spent a lot of time laying in bed, and it feels nice to, to just be dealing with the physical side, which is a bit nicer, it's a bit easier to deal with, so I don't know whether it's, I don't know whether it's

a virus, or whatever it's, I've got, but it feels nice to just deal with that part of it, just the physical, and have a little bit, a little bit of clarity in my mind, a little bit of motivation to make recordings, because I haven't had hardly any for the week, it's almost like my, my brain has started working again, it's quite nice, it's still not, it's not full action at the moment, however, I don't feel, I don't really feel that I want to go to bed, which is nice, I'd love to stay up late, even

one o'clock, and that's kind of the ideal situation, in a sense, going to bed at one in the morning, waking up at nine in the morning, I'm gonna have to go, because I just keep coughing, keep putting it on mute, on mute, or pause when I cough, but it's, it's hurting my chest a little bit, so, it's only because I'm talking that I'm coughing, it's like the whole thing, isn't it, it only hurts when I laugh, so I'm gonna go, and I have to edit it, was it 48 minutes, when Alexa started shouting, and whatever,

what a weird technology that is, so thank you for listening, please remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy, lots of love, bye.