#237 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (13th October 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com My name is Jason Newland. This is Let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen and you can safely close your eyes.

If you like what I do, you can go to my website, click on the Gift Me page, you can send me a juicy gift, or you can go directly to paypal.me forward slash Jason Newland and send me your life's savings. Can you mention if that worked? Oh man. Mind you, I'd probably only get a life savings sent by someone like me.

It'd be like, you know, £1.20. Mind you, I actually phoned my friend up today and asked for him to put £1 into my bank account to lend me £1 so that I could... So I didn't have... I just didn't have enough in there for what I needed to do. Just £1. It's kind of embarrassing.

It would be if I had an embarrassing bone in me. If I had the ability... I don't have the ability to really get embarrassed anymore. I don't know if that's come with age or... I don't know.

I don't know. Right, so... I'll give a brief description of... of what this podcast is about. Now, it's called Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

And I've been doing it for quite some time. I started at the beginning of 2018. It's now October the... 12th, is it? Or 13th, I don't know.

2019. And I... It's developed. Unlike my body, it's developed into something I'm not even sure what it is anymore.

It's a mixture of things. It's... It's me talking about absolute rubbish for an hour. Talking nonsense, just, you know.

And being boring for an hour. So there's that side of it which fits in with the title of this particular podcast. So it gives you an opportunity to allow your brain to just switch off naturally.

It's almost like your brain just gives up. Just like it says, oh, that's enough. You just fall asleep because you just give up, basically.

It's like the capacity to think just disintegrates. Temporarily leading to sleep. But then when you wake up, you feel great.

And it's almost like you may feel... It's a weird one, really. I can't really explain it. But you could listen to me and think what on earth is he talking about? But then you listen and you stop listening and you fall asleep.

And then the next day you think what on earth was he talking about? And why did I fall asleep? And then you listen again another time, you know, maybe the next evening. Perhaps to a different recording because there's hundreds to choose from. And you may be thinking to yourself, what? Really? He's saying different stuff, but it's still pointless.

What is he talking about? Why? And then you fall asleep again, like you did before. When you wake up the next day, or eight hours later, or whatever, you know, it is. And again, you might be thinking, how can someone talking about a ferret or the different rooms that they lived in or about a garden shed that's in his bedroom? How can that be in any way therapeutic? Whatsoever.

Yet, for some reason, you're feeling better about yourself. You're feeling more relaxed. Also, kind of more positive about yourself.

More confident, maybe. More of a sense of well-being. But it doesn't make sense.

Like, how can you get that from listening to someone just talking about pretty much nothing? Well, I kind of think that in a way it doesn't matter why. It's more the end result, the process, the experience that is more important than the why or the how of trying to think logically about it. Because if listening to this, listening to me every night or every day helps you to fall asleep, helps your mind to switch off, and you end up feeling more just happier within yourself, almost as if you've let go of some of that stuff from the past that was holding you back.

Maybe you didn't realize that you had stuff from the past that was holding you back. So it could be quite a strange feeling. Because, you know, if you go to the gym and, you know, you get for whatever reason you go to the gym, if it's to put muscle on or to lose some weight or to tone up or to increase your stamina or, you know, whatever, preparing for a marathon then you know kind of I don't know, if I went to the gym I could look in the mirror in the bathroom.

That's why I just laughed at the idea of looking into the bathroom mirror myself. It usually makes me laugh when I do it. But you know, I could see the muscles.

I could say, oh, that's because I've been going to the gym. Or if you've been stretching I could look in the mirror and look at part of myself and say that's because I've been stretching. So it's kind of whatever you've done something and it can kind of explain.

You know, if you bleached your hair, you say, oh, look in the mirror I got bleached hair because I bleached my hair. It can be explained away. But sometimes feelings such as changes to how you think and feel about stuff about your present reality as it changes, it doesn't necessarily always make sense why it's changed the reason behind that particular change.

But if it feels good and if it's useful then that's isn't that a positive a beneficial thing? You know? That's why I'm thinking and why else can this podcast possibly offer a variety I don't mean like juggling or magic tricks opera singing don't do opera singing and juggling and magic tricks regardless of how good I was it wouldn't quite work on a podcast. Mind you, a good thing like that is I wouldn't have to practice I could just tell you that I'm juggling 14 balls and a a baby and you'd and you'd just, you'd believe me, wouldn't you?

Because well, you might not a magic trick, I could just say, yeah, I've just made the Eiffel Tower disappear Wow, isn't that good? And you'd be like, whoa, I can't believe you just did that I'm now going to make the entire London just disappear Wow, you make the whole city of London disappear No magician's ever done that, ever So yeah, that's, you know it's good for our podcasts podcasts you can lie I love lying, I love it, lying's brilliant but only in this kind of context I think if you're going to lie you've got to lie so people know that you're lying otherwise it's no fun if people believe it then it's no fun, isn't it?

That's just personal for me, but well, yeah, it's all personal So that's what the podcast is possibly about So, you know, I like to talk about stats and I mean, what did you do, 28 to 35, I don't, that kind of and that's just my bum I don't like to talk about, I like to talk about the different podcasts and how well they're doing Now this is quite a popular podcast, this one The Let Me Bore You To Sleep It's growing in popularity but it's not my most popular podcast I kind of wish it was, but it's not I suppose this is the one I put I suppose I put more of myself into this kind of Yeah, it's more personal, isn't it?

It's me talking about my life but also the Relaxation, Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety and Panic attacks that podcast is also very personal and it means a lot to me on a personal level due to my own personal experiences in my personal life personally It's a personal thing and each person has their own personality that's affected by personal incidents that happen in their personal lives and that's why I use my personable personality I'm trying to think of different ways of saying personable person, person-y, person-able I can't remember what I was talking about Yeah, yeah, podcasts So the most popular podcast now is one of my, I think it's Deep Sleep Hypnosis for Sleeping Deeply I think that's the one and it's, there's 900 what was it?

and 99,000 and something downloads on there so it's probably going to reach the 100,000 in a few days and the second most popular is the Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis podcast which is at about 97,000 downloads so, you know probably probably by the end by this time next week I'll have two podcasts that have reached the 100,000 which is good I don't know what I am with this podcast I think it's about 80,000 for this one to let me bore you to sleep I think that's about 80,000 something like that so probably I don't know, maybe

a month away from reaching the the 100,000 or maybe a couple of weeks I don't know, I can't remember might be it's hard to tell really I'm not sure I can't predict the future I don't know if I'd want to would you want to be able to predict the future?

I don't know if I'd want to I might I don't know by the way, if you just won the Euro lottery which was about 170 million Euros can you lend me £20 please? thanks so what I thought I would do today is do what I was going to do yesterday but I didn't do it yesterday because I don't know how but I managed to get distracted by other stuff but I don't know what so I'm going to have a look at the National Enquirer this is from the October 14th 2019 and that's because it cost me £1.

59 and that's as I'm sure you agree a major investment and it would seem it would seem somehow immoral to not use it in at least one of my podcasts it's like buying a buying a car and never using it it's exactly like that so this National Enquirer on the front cover you know, I didn't even know that it was still being written but it is I've got proof here it's in front of me it's actually I wonder how many pages there are in this magazine I don't mean in the world there's 63 pages next

to the page number it's got the date October 14th 2019 and then NNE I guess that stands for National Enquirer and I wonder why it's got NE next to it what do they think people just cut the pages up and then want to get them all stacked together in the right order again put them into some kind of a folder for keepsake but then they've got lots of different magazines oh no, we're going to get them all modelled up what shall we do?

that's ok, this one's got NE next to it oh that's handy on the front cover here it says Angelina Hollywood's most hated woman or women I never know because it's spelled the same isn't it could be most hated women or woman and who knows what A-listers say behind her back plan to destroy Brad backfires no, I don't believe that she's split up with her husband and wants to destroy his life no, I can't believe that would ever happen Jessica Simpson how she lost 100 libs LBS in 6 months wow isn't it weird that they've got

that at the bottom like it's almost celebratory and she's got her hands on her on her no, no it's in between her stomach, yeah her hands on her stomach almost sort of like say look my hands can touch each other nearly I don't know if that's what's in her mind she might be thinking can't wait till this photographer goes away so I can have a burger and then at the top it says 97 LBS but this one's got an apostrophe the other one was almost floaty, kind of happy Celine Dion nervous breakdown so they're talking

that she's got lost weight and she's there's a picture of her and yeah, she looks very slim and there's a picture and she's not smiling there's another one but she's clearly not posed for that photograph because well she's been around a long time I'm sure if you were going to pose we she wouldn't be wearing those earrings I'm a fashion expert now it happened overnight I woke up suddenly I was an expert on jewellery weird innit I used to wear earrings when I was younger it's a funny story I well actually no, it's not very

funny but I got I don't know which friend it was I don't know if it was Dean or who's the other one Neil but I used to hang around with the girl that lived up the road from me and get this, this is how I asked her out on a date I was, it's true it's totally true, it's going to blow your mind I was watching Rocky the film Rocky and not, not the film the one with the box and not the other Rocky because I don't think there was much dating in that film but

it's Rocky the film and a lot of people watching Rocky when it first aroused, arrived were motivated maybe to take that box in or and the music do, do, do, do, do do, do, do, do, do, do, do do, do, do wow, wow so that, and it was very inspirational I think it was, listening to that used to get my my toes pumping, you know, it's got really or I want to be a boxer I don't think I ever watched it at the cinema because I was too young because if I'm correct Rocky, the first

Rocky film came out in I think it was either 1977 or 1979 I don't recall which however I was too young to go and see it because I would have only been either seven or nine let me explain that if it was released in 1977 I would have been seven because I was born in 1970 so what's that, 71 two three 1974 1975 and 1976 1977 so yeah, I was seven and that's how I work out my age because any year during the 70s that's how old I was so in 1971 I was one in

1972 I was two in 1973 I was three I was three I can't remember what the next one is but you know I was that age at different times and the good thing about ageing is the numbers go up because it would be complicated imagine if it went like now you're five and now you're going to be three now you're fourteen now you're twelve so confusing but it doesn't, it goes up what I've noticed as I've got older I've started ageing myself older than I am which never used to happen before so when I was

twenty nine I pretty much stayed under that thirty line and when I hit thirty I didn't mention it I mean certain people knew members of my family knew and because they know me but I didn't go around telling other people because being thirty seemed a little old at the time I mean I'm forty nine now so thirty was was almost a child back then compared to now I'd say I'm counting, mentally I'm probably just about hitting puberty or maybe not probably still about eleven eleven, yeah mentally physically I'm about ninety three I don't know it's

hard to tell isn't it but I've noticed as I've got older I started telling people that I'm older than I am I don't mean saying oh yes I'm fifty seven I don't mean that because that would be silly but I I was telling people that I was forty nine for at least the last six months before I became forty nine but I wasn't forty nine I was only forty eight I say only but you know obviously it's I don't even have forty eight pound but anyway that's not really relevant but yeah forty nine, so I

hit forty nine and now I'm telling people I'm fifty but I'm not, I'm forty nine I've got a long time before I hit fifty obviously it's set October November, December, January, February, March, April, May, June, July ten months over ten months in fact and by then I'll have over a million downloads on my podcasts because I'm obsessed with the stats I am obsessed I have on my website I've updated the stats about seven times today or yesterday rather because every couple of hours I go on there and I refresh and it's gone up by a

few hundred and sometimes by a hundred sometimes by, you know, depends basically every every minute of every day somebody somewhere is listening to me all of a sudden about something which is kind of unusual one of those just come out it's a bag to do a that's weird, it was a false alarm and that was an invisible poo no, he came out stood on the paper in his normal stance and nothing happened and he went back in now he's come out again now he's really his tail sticks up when he's doing it but he's not

awake he does it in his sleep so he walks out of his bag runs to the corner where the paper is and he crouches down and does, you know, what he needs to do does a squirt and then he runs back into the into the bag now if I pick him up sometimes he does a wee wee as well I usually don't pick him up if he's done a poo but if he's done a wee wee I might pick him up and he's asleep and I fall asleep in my arms where he already is, he's

like I suppose he's semi-conscious when he gets out of the bag but he just falls asleep in my arms and then maybe five, ten minutes later he wakes up and he looks up at me and my face makes him jump because he doesn't know how he got there you don't look like my bag I imagine he might say, I don't know it's hard to know isn't it really it's really raining today proper raining all day and I took him out for a walk because man, I tell you what all I wanted was some peace today

I needed some peace just needed to just lay down on the bed this was yesterday that I'm talking about because I've not gone to bed yet just needed to be left alone, just I lay down on the bed and he was hassling me non-stop jumping up on me biting my toes and running up my leg nibbling on my eyelid licking my face basically just trying to get me out of bed I kept putting him onto the floor and he kept climbing back up then he discovered a way to get off the bed onto the clothes

rack where a lot of my clothes are just hanging up so he's on there rubbing himself over all my clothes but I try to keep away from him so that I don't smell like ferret wee when I go out and then he manages to get on top of the chest of drawers and knock loads of stuff off right and he was trying to get onto the window sill so that he could get out of the window but I had all the windows open because I have a garden shed in my bedroom and it stinks stinks

of shed really, really stinky shed in my bedroom now it's taken me 49 years to get used to my own stink that I produce now I've got to start getting used to a new one in the bedroom it's not fair so then I get him off of there and he runs into the kitchen, starts banging the cupboard in the kitchen he basically lays on his back and he pushes the kitchen door the cupboard door open just lets it slam, continuously and then he runs in and he just stares at me sometimes I'm laying down on

the right side and I've got my eyes like you know when you've got your eyes partly open they're all really open but they're kind of open a bit like if you were sharing a bedroom with a stranger and you kind of weren't sure keep one eye open how often would you share a bed or room with a stranger the last time I did that was when I worked at Butlins yeah, Butlins that was weird because I didn't know when I went there that I was going to be sharing a bedroom with a stranger but as

someone once told me everyone's a stranger till you get to know them every friend you have was once a stranger I remember saying to that person shut up I remember or you remember it well did you hear that?

that's the birds that's the birds in the car in the cavities of the wall that was noisy I actually think the soundproofing they had in here on the walls was helping to reduce the sound from there and now started to take it off it's I don't know, maybe and you know what happened next?

I'm lying in bed finally falling asleep and I hear a crash and I knew straight away it was a plate on the floor and Andre was on the table plate on the floor plate on the floor and he was on my he was basically using a laptop he was walking on the laptop he opened up pages I didn't even know existed seriously, things I've never seen before he opened up on the laptop didn't know what the hell they were and I couldn't figure out how he got onto the table because when I remember I pulled

the table away from the chair the black squeaky chair that I sit in so he can't jump onto it and then I realised that although I'd moved the table I hadn't moved the chair that I sit on when I'm at the table so he must have jumped onto the chair and then onto the table from there the reason he did it is because he wanted to get to my breakfast bowl that had some milk in it still and he loves the milk loves the milk so what I did I don't normally let him drink milk

because it upsets his stomach but I thought I'll punish him so I gave him basically bought him a cow and let him drink as much milk as he wants I didn't do that at all, I don't know why see that was a lie, but it was an obvious lie wasn't it that's what I mean about lying you're going to lie and make it really silly otherwise it's just no fun especially when you say something really silly in the person it's like, that doesn't make sense I remember I stayed at one of my places one of

my many hundreds of places that I lived in I said I'm just going to go to the little little girls room and she said don't you mean the little boys room I meant to say what I said I'm not mistakenly going to say I'm going to the little girls room I'm not going to mistakenly say that am I but yeah that wasn't that's what happened in that conversation that was it really not sure why I'm mentioning it many conversations are very similar pink casino is an adverb everyone's wearing pink so what was I saying this

is making me tired talking about this whatever it was I was talking about I don't know if I mentioned this but a recent female who was in my bed right try and get that image out of your head but she was in my bed and she called me Andre I'm not even joking she called me Andre so anytime a boyfriend or a girlfriend husband wife calls you by a different name at least you haven't been called the name of a ferret yeah she was French and I didn't learn much I don't really know much French

my only memory of French was I was in junior school and they had these slides I don't mean like a fun park like slides that you looked at on a screen and I wasn't giving it a lot of attention because I think I was Spiderman was on in the evening on telly and I was thinking about that but the I had the idea in my head that everyone in France has warm milk and bread for breakfast like a bowl of warm milk and bread which I don't think is true yeah I quite liked the idea

of it yeah I wouldn't want to eat it I wouldn't want a bowl of warm milk unless it had breakfast cereal with it like you know Weetabix or ready break or not shredded wheat so much shredded wheat I prefer with cold milk what's the other ones not shredded wheat not Weetabix no shredded wheat did I say shreddies not shreddies but shredded wheat because they're big although you can get smaller shreddies but I think they're called mini shreddies no mini shredded wheat shreddies is different yeah so shredded wheat with hot milk very nice tastes very different

from the way it does with cold water then most things would but tastes very different from when it does with cold milk I tried to eat ready break with hot water once well a few times and it's wrong it's just really wrong it's not as wrong as the outfits that Elvis Presley used to wear in the last couple of years of his concerts but it's very wrong like the hot water and ready break it's wrong so I'm trying to think I've fallen asleep here but yeah this lady, she was French and as I don't know

much French but I think that I was I think she was telling me basically that I'm an incredible lover I really consider her an incredible lover and I should really check it out but she kept saying un petit pini and laughing so I imagine she was like your great lover and rejoicing in it with laughter so I felt quite good about myself I felt somewhat invigorated another thing I remember in high school I don't think I was allowed to do French because or if I did it I did it for one year but I made

no effort at all yeah I couldn't see the point why learn another language I've not even learnt this one yet but some people are very good at analingus what is it analingus analingus linguini linguini linguini it reminds me of linguistics linguistics words, talking and stuff and the idea of doing it with another language I just didn't no, I didn't really see the point I suppose because I had no interest in it I didn't know anybody that was that spoke a different language and to be honest and this isn't even a joke really I found it

difficult to communicate with humans I'm not saying French aren't humans I'm just saying with people generally you can't necessarily understand I think it's understanding intentions and meanings not always really yeah I think the idea of adding a bunch of new words I hadn't learnt all the words yet of this language seemed a bit a bit forward really a little bit I don't know optimistic possibly but even though I enjoyed reading books I've never been never was a wordsmith never really embraced big long words that aren't in common use because in some ways to me that

is the opposite to communication by using words that isn't in common use it's almost an alienation of the person you're talking to possibly but then that would vary wouldn't it depending upon I guess who you're around what kind of people you associate with in the sense of what type of communication they use so if you I don't know I suppose if you worked you work in insurance there's a lot of insurance terms they used if you work in banking I'm sure there's a lot of banking terms and phrases and words that are used within that

industry which perhaps you just talk naturally as if it was commonplace within general society but it's not but maybe if you were spending most of your time with that particular group of society it may almost seem like it's the norm you may start to generalise thinking that everybody talks in those terms when in fact possibly, maybe they don't yeah I've had quite a few different jobs over the years so I've had a few different terminology phrases and words stuff to learn just as I'm sure if I was studying mathematics I would be using long words

like triangle, that's quite a big word triangle circum circumference circumference hepatite no hepatangle hepathalon see there's lots of different words for math mathematics that would be a good book to have so I could start to learn some of the words that are used within the science of mathematics yeah that could be quite groovy I don't know though because I do like to learn new things sometimes and I never put a lot of thought into mathematics I was ok with adding taking away was it was kind of simpler to add in up but the opposite so

you learn to walk forward and then you learn to walk backwards and it's a little bit different more chance you're going to fall over bang into a lamppost but you learn to do it so I learnt to do basic taking away and then there was the times the times stuff learning the times table my goodness I remember I used to have the times table, the graph you know like the little boxes and you crossed it through and it's the 10 times the table and I had that taped to the back of my textbook not textbook,

course book the one that I'd been writing and I did really well well I thought I was doing well because I thought the crosses that the mark that the teachers were giving me that was like a really good thing I thought it was kisses they were giving me I thought that's romantic but it turned out it was just they were wrong brilliant got confusing then especially when it came to Christmas and birthdays and I'd have crosses underneath birthday cards happy birthday Jason and then a cross, what have I done wrong very confusing especially when it

was more than like one cross they really are crosses but I never questioned it because I was too busy doing other things you know like going down making sure the toothbrush was wet so it looked like I'd cleaned my teeth wetting the soap so it looked like I'd washed my hands you know things like that just a busy boy I was just a busy busy boy sometimes my hair would stick up for no reason not sure why I'm telling you that it's just another bathroom story really just another bathroom story it's another mirror related story

yeah I had the same thing happen yesterday or the day before because I'd been lying down on the side of my head I wasn't lying on the side of my head my whole body was there my hair was sticking up on one side and that hasn't really happened for some time yeah I've got no idea what I was talking about again I'm practically asleep kind of like Andre I do stuff when I'm asleep I just don't do what he does which means I need to go remind you to be kind to yourself because you deserve

to be happy lots of love bye