#213 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (8th September 2019)

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland. My name is Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You to Sleep.

Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Now, I'm going to read, well basically I bought a magazine called Woman's Own. I got it about three days ago.

It cost me £1.20 from Aldi. So what I thought, I'd just go through it. I've done this before.

I had another magazine once and I went through it. So I've got no idea what the contents are. I'm just going to pick little bits out of it and see if there's anything interesting.

But before I do that, I just want to tell you about what happened during my sleepy time last night or, you know, Friday, my Friday sleep. So I know I sleep during the day-ish. Well, yesterday I let off a flea grenade thing in my bedroom to get rid of the fleas.

It's a lovely introduction. I sound really dirty tonight. So that was fine.

I think that was yesterday. And then, or was it Thursday? I lose track. Anyway, last night, what I did when I went to bed, I thought, I'll put Andre's water and his food in the bedroom and I'll bring him in the bedroom with me and close the bedroom door.

I let off two of those grenade, flea grenades in the living room because it's bigger than the bedroom. Close the door, close the windows and all that stuff. And I left it.

That was about five o'clock in the morning-ish. Yeah, about five o'clock. And it's really weird because Andre was okay for a while.

He slept on my bed. And it's not hugely comfortable for me because he takes up a lot of the bedroom, which is weird considering how little he is. But he proper spreads out, you know, he hogs the bed covers.

And then I got up probably, I think it was about nine o'clock and I went into the living room, opened all the windows to let the air in, let the room air itself. And then I closed the living room door, came back into the bedroom. And this disturbed Andre and he started scratching at the door to get out.

And it seemed, which is really strange, it seemed like he was trying to like get out because he's thirsty or hungry. I said to him, what are you doing? Your food's in here. And for the first time I saw the pride side of him because he moved away from the door, walked to the other side of the room and just did something.

I don't know what he was doing. And I laid down, went back to sleep or closed my eyes and I saw him creep up to the food and start to eat and have a drink. He didn't know it was there because I put it in there when he was asleep.

He didn't realize that I'd moved his food and water into the bedroom because he was asleep on the bed. And then when he woke up at nine, he was suddenly, he wanted to go and have a drink and had something to eat, to scratch in the door. Then when he realized the food was in the bedroom, he pretended to ignore it.

He pretended that he knew it was there all along. It's very funny. And anyway, the whole living room's all sorted now.

It's been airing all day long. I've not seen any of those little fleas at all. Andre's not scratching really at all today.

So I'm hoping that that's done its job. So getting rid of the fleas has cost me over 70 pounds so far, but it's well worth it. I can't believe there wasn't that many of them, but they really wanted to stay for some reason.

Anyway, that's their whole story. And I mentioned yesterday that I had a huge spike in listeners, like downloads. I had 5,130 downloads yesterday or the day before.

Yeah, yesterday, day before, whatever. Friday, yeah, so Friday I had 5,120, something like that. So it's kind of, Saturday's not over yet, even though technically it's now, when I released it, it will be Sunday, but it's still heading towards the 3,000.

So it's like, oh, so it's really weird. I was really pleased with it hitting 3,000. And then when it went up to 5,000, I started to, I got a bit excited and now being, I think it's probably about 2,500 at the moment.

It's like, oh, it just seemed like a really small amount now when actually there's, what's it? Yeah, it's going to be probably over 3,000 by the end of the day. I've just been spoiled by that one day. So, I mean, the stats are always a little bit less at the weekends anyway.

I don't know why that is actually. Perhaps people are just doing other things, enjoying, I don't know, I'm not sure why. But Monday to Friday, always higher numbers than Saturday and Sunday, generally.

But there you go. So what I'm going to do is look through a woman's own. Is it a woman's own or women's own? I don't know.

So on the front cover, it's basically an advert for Slimming World, but it's an article at the same time. And it says, I gave up chocolate and lost 11 stone. And there's a picture of the lady before and after.

And then behind the scenes of Downton Abbey. Richard Arnold on set. Nothing has caught my eye yet.

The greatest gift. My sister had my baby. I thought that was illegal.

Speedy pasta. On the table in 30 minutes or less. It's 30 minutes.

Speedy. For pasta. I thought pasta was quicker than that.

30 seconds. Now that would be speedy. Oh, look, it says here 25% off Van Dahl shoes.

T's and C's apply. UK only. I saw an advert the other day, a few months back.

It wasn't Kim Kardashian, but it was the youngest sister. The one that's a billionaire. Is it Chloe or I don't know.

But she's advertising this facial. She's having a facial. She's got this cream on, putting this cream on her face.

And she's basically advertising. I don't know if it's L'Oreal or because I'm worth it. I don't know which one it is.

But she's advertising it. And it's just like just a standard advert, you know. And then right at the bottom in small letters, it said, Chloe or whatever her name was, does not actually use this product.

How amazing. To be to be printing that, that you don't use it, yet still being able to advertise something that you don't use. Yet you're telling everyone that it's really good for your skin.

Yet you don't use it. That's, I don't know, it seems like me advertising some kind of abdominal board exerciser.Me and my big belly wobbling around saying, yeah, try this.

It's really good. When clearly I don't use it. Amanda.

This is, I'm a celebrity latest, latest. Amanda Holden. She's a, she's famous in England.

And it says, will she tell all in the jungle? Tell all about what? What is there to tell? About what? So she's going to be in I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. The English version, which is in Australia. It's based, the jungle is in Australia, but I think other people, other countries also have it as well.

So I'm wondering, do Australia have it? Maybe they come there and they do it in a little forest somewhere in England, Nottingham Forest or something. Right, what's on the second page? Well, there's a big picture of a lady holding her boobies. Grab life by the boobs.

So it's knowing your boobs could save your life. So grab on and check regularly. Search Copperfield grab life.

It's a Copperfield, they're calling it. There's a little handprint. So it's, yeah, cool.

There's no website address, just search Copperfield. I do wonder what that would bring up on the search engines though. The next page, Stacey Dooley sleeps over open marriage.

Okay, so Stacey Dooley, she does, she makes documentaries and stuff. And she was really popular. Her documentaries are very popular.

Then she went on to Come Dancing, or Strictly Come Dancing. And which is a very popular television dance show in the UK of England. And I'm guessing it's probably various versions around the world also.

And I think, did she win it last year? I don't know. I don't watch it. As it says here, investigating reporter Stacey Dooley returns to the screens.

So it's about a six part thing about modern day living. So how people live their lives. And the first family she's going to go to visit are a polymor, polymorous, morous, polymorous, poly, polyamorous, got it eventually, polyamorous relationship.

A thralpol, they call them there. Stacey meets them to just find out what makes their unique marriage work. So yeah, I hope I've sold that to you, if you'd watch that.

I think I've, there's a picture of them. So there's a picture of this man and a woman sitting on a settee, and they're holding hands. And then there's the other woman, I guess is the third one in their marriage or relationship.

And she's just sitting on her own. And it's also almost like the one that's sitting on a settee, holding hands with a man. She's smirking, almost like she's smirking, like, I'm holding, look, look whose hand he's holding.

Not yours, mine. But I might be wrong there. Always a brilliant offer.

Get six issues of Woman's Own from one pound. Subscribe online at womansownsubs.co.uk forward slash 18AA or call 0330 333 1113 quoting code 18AA. A. Save up to 51%.

Six issues. So are they every two months, are they? Or every two months? I don't know if it's weekly or if it's monthly or what. Looks to me like it's weekly.

So, and it's got a bit at the bottom. In your issue this week, Celebrity gets the goth, get the goths from Nadia's family, feud to relationship of the week. This is a very bored, I must admit, reading this on the cover, I'm the celeb latest.

Oh, Amanda Holden tell all in the jungle. So let me tell you about Amanda Holden. In the 80s, there was, what was his name? Very famous television comedian who's in a double act.

And something in, I can't remember his name. This is terrible, isn't it? But anyway, it'll probably come to me at some point. He's very famous, like in England.

And he was in a double act and his partner passed away. So they, he went out on his own and he did quite a few game shows. And he was top of the pile, really.

Liz Dennis, that's it, Liz Dennis his name is. So I grew up watching him on television. And he used to do a character from Coronation Street.

And he, and she used to say, oh, I don't really know. And he used to do that voice. Because he was a, not a ventriloquist, you know, a mimic, kind of the impersonations.

An impersonator, that's it. And so he was in television for years and years and years and years. He did the, is it Catchphrase that he did? I forget.

But he did this TV show which was, it had two, oh, Family Fortunes. That's it, it had two families playing against each other. Playing with each other on telly.

And they had, they were given questions. For example, we asked 100 people in the street, what do you take on holiday with you? You know, then they'd sort of say, they'd take turns thinking of something. And if it was the top of the list, it'd be ding.

But if it was wrong, it'd go, ah, ah, like that. Genius, genius. And although I still think Dusty Bin was really good, but that was a different, different program.

So Les Dennis did that for quite a few years. He did other things and he was famous. You know, in the UK, very, very famous on television.

And his marriage came to an end in the 90s to someone called Amanda that I'd never heard of before. And she was this beautiful woman. And it's really weird because the papers started questioning, why, how did Les Dennis get someone so beautiful and so much younger? And, well, why wouldn't he? He was famous and rich and handsome man.

You know, why, why should he, why wouldn't he be with someone? You know, I don't quite understood why they were questioning it. Because he was a huge star. Anyway, he, she kind of became famous because of him, because of the marriage split, which is kind of a weird way to get famous.

And then she, I guess, I think she was an actress or something. And then she kind of did her own thing. And for a long time now, I don't know how many years it is, she's been on the judging panel of the Britain's Got Talent.

Right from the beginning, I think she's been on it with Mr. Cowell. And, yeah, it's kind of, it was a weird one. I didn't, I kind of didn't warm to her when I first saw her, because, you know, I was a fan of Les Dennis.

And I grew up, you know, as a young lad watching him on television on Saturday evenings. And it means something, I think. And he did the extras, you know, Ricky Gervais, he did extras where he made fun of himself, which is brilliant.

It was so funny. And I'm not sure what he's doing now. But I hope he's well, and I hope he's doing, you know, whatever he's doing.

And over the years, what's really strange is Amanda Holden has actually got younger. She looks younger now than she did when she first started doing the show. And now, I mean, you know, she's a huge star in England as well now.

But she's done other things. She did, I think she's done theater and musicals and all kinds of stuff. She's very talented.

And she's now on the radio as well. She's got a radio show that she does. I think it's in the mornings or something.

So, yeah, she's got what's quite unique about her. She's got a cackle and she laughs. So she's got a real, not dirty, but she's got a sense of, she's got a real, really good sense of humor, which I like.

So she's very rude. She likes rude jokes and stuff like that. So that's quite funny.

But I don't know what she's going to talk about in the jungle. I mean, unless they're hoping that she's going to give some secrets out about the behind the scenes of, you know, Britain's Got Talent, I mean, I suppose. Find out that Simon's actually really nice.

Who will it best seem to be? Which celebrity nailed the cacky tend? Is it cacky or carky? Cacky, I thought that was another word for dirty protest. Okay, undercover features. I gave up eating chocolate and lost a whopping 11 stone.

Okay. Another, the greatest gift my sister had my baby. Again, I'm not sure if I really want to go there.

And then what's it on page 44? You'll never believe it. We went from school failures to success. And page 58 is a debate.

Is it selfish to elope rather than having a big wedding? And you know what? Those are the kind of things that I worry about constantly. So I'm glad that someone else is covering that kind of stuff. I'm constantly thinking about that.

You know, should I elope? You know, how would it affect the family if I turn up and say, by the way, I'm married. Would anyone care? Is it selfish not to get in debt by 20,000 pounds? Just to feed people free food and give them a nice day out. I'm married.

Life and style. Treat yourself. Ooh, on the cover, new season trends to suit your shape.

It's basically the magazines. It's a big advert, it seems to be, but there's a lot of adverts in it. I wonder how many actual stories there are that are not related to advertising.

So the Stacey Dooley is about advertising her new TV show. The I'm Mr. Amanda Holden is advertising the I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here new show. So the Richard R. Lord's exclusive Downton Abbey set visit against advertising the new Downton Abbey film.

I Gave Up Eating Chocolate, that's advertising Weight Watchers, or is it Weight Watchers? Slim World. Oh, Slimming World. So it's advertising Slimming World.

I wonder what the, is it selfish to elope rather than having a big weddings advertising? I don't know, some kind of credit card company, probably. Get into debt. Yes.

Oh, I forgot that Julia and Nadia were sisters. Completely forgot. So there's a TV show in England, again, it does seem to focus on the English UK programs.

There's a lady called Nadia. What's her surname? Sowelha. Sowelha? Swalla? Swalla, Nadia Swalla.

Yeah, and she's on a program called Loose Women. She used to be in EastEnders. That's how I remember her from, and she was a really good character in there.

And she's been on Loose Women for ages. But her sister was much more famous than her, because she was in Absolutely Fabulous. She was the daughter in that.

Her name's Julia. She's now 50. But Absolutely Fabulous was a huge, huge show worldwide, wasn't it? It's sort of America, it was huge as well as in this country.

So Julia was, well, she does look different now, I think, because she was quite young back then. She's 50 now. She was also in another quite big TV show, but I forget what it was.

But Absolutely Fabulous was the early 90s, wasn't it? This is nearly 30 years ago, so she would have been in her 20s. Ooh, look at this. Say what? It's a picture of Richard Madeley on Turning Down a Place on Strictly.

He says, I cannot conceivably come on in spandex and do some flick kicks. Flick kicks. This is funny.

This is seriously. And this bloke, Richard Madeley, okay, he used to be on a TV show. It was like the morning show, Richard and Judy This Morning or something like that, I think it was called.

And they were huge. They were the biggest thing on daytime telly. And Judy Finnegan was his wife, and Richard Madeley was her husband.

They did it together. And he was constantly making gaffes, saying the wrong thing. And he became famous for it, for just putting his foot in it.

And it's almost like he switched off during the interview, while he was interviewing someone and just started talking as if he was talking to someone else that he was interviewing. And it was very funny to watch. Very funny.

And that was probably the late 90s, I would say, maybe early 2000s. And then they went on to Channel 4, I think. And they had the Richard and Judy show, which is basically the same thing.

But I think this was on in the evenings or late afternoon. And I used to love watching him because he was so funny. It's constantly, he just, it's almost like he was given a script.

But I don't think he was. It's very funny. And recently, he's been standing in for Piers Morgan on the ITV news show, the morning show on television.

And when Piers Morgan's not there, he seems to take the place sometimes. And he's trying to be serious. And he's another one that looks so young.

It's got to be 90 now, and he looks so young. It's just, when he's on the TV show now, he tries to do interviews all seriously. And it's kind of, in some ways, even funnier now.

Because before he was, it didn't seem like he was really there. It's almost like he wasn't really kind of aware of where he was. But now, it's, I can only imagine it'd be like, you know, when someone's, if you're working in a place, let's say you're working in an office, and the team leader job comes up, and a bunch of people go for that job, and only one gets it.

And then that team leader is in charge of people that he or she's been working with for maybe years. Possibly they started after him, or was even in the same training as him or her. And then they come in on their first day, so proud.

You know, their little lunchbox, maybe some grapes, a packet of crisps, and a yoghurt. And just, Mr. Men, a picture of Mr. Men, or maybe Scooby Doo, on the cover of the lunchbox. And they're so proud, they sit in the chair, puff their chest out.

Which isn't always a bad thing, but just like, oh, so just, you know, there was a little bit like that when seeing him on the TV now. Almost like, you know, because Piers Morgan's known as being, well, many things, I suppose, but he's known as being an interviewer of serious subjects, I guess, like politics, and stuff. It was so funny seeing him.

Just almost like, you know, when you see a little kid walking around in their dad's shoes, or the little girl walking around in her mum's high heels, and they've got tiny little feet, but their shoes look like, you know, they belong to a giant. Kind of like that a bit. Like, look at me, I'm an adult.

I'm a real reporter. I'm a real interviewer. I want to be a real boy.

So let's see. Strictly Come Dancing rehearsals kicked off last week. Um, nine months ago, Catcher 30 was spotted kissing celeb Sean Walsh after a boozy night out.

While Sean's actress girlfriend, Rebecca Humphries, dumped him, Neil forgave Katya. Who's Neil? Oh, okay, that must be Katya's man. But sources claim they struggled to get their six-year marriage back on track.

Oh, wow. An insider said the infidelity highlighted problems within the relationship and made it impossible. They are determined not to let their split affect strictly, the source added.

So they're both dancers. Oh, awkward. Wow, I'm a year behind on this one.

So they both dance on the show. Katya and Neil, they're married. And then they dance with celebrities.

Katya was with celebrity Sean. And she had a little kiss kiss, kissy kiss kiss. Wonder what that was like the next day after that was in the papers.

And Sean turned up for rehearsals. You're right, Neil. Oh, that must have been weird.

Oh, here's a royal watch. We'd love to, apparently, apparently, they're speaking for all of us here. We'd love to know what Her Majesty the Queen keeps in her handbag.

But apparently, one thing she likes to take with her on her travels is a slice of her favourite chocolate biscuit cake. This is an exclusive. This is amazing.

I can't believe I didn't know this. According to Her Majesty's former personal chef, Darren McGrady, if the Queen was travelling between residences, and there was some of the cake left over, a senior chef would bring along the half eaten bake so she could finish it. Mr. McGrady added, the chocolate biscuit bake is the only cake she goes back to every day until it's gone.

And then done underneath this, again, talking for all of us, which I guess, you know, can we try a slice? So yeah, cool. So what's next? This is page five. Emily Attack.

Right, so this is, she's talking about a TV show she's on. Amy Ho's apparently is worth 4.1 million. Good for him.

Mel B is saying that she could lose 57,000 in unsold tickets to her brutally honest evening theatre talk shows. Well, even out with the amount she's getting from the Spice Girls tour that she did this year, I think she's probably doing alright. The thing is, right, I haven't had anyone attack the Spice Girls.

I'm a Spice fan, I am. And every single one of the Spice Girls is still famous. Still famous.

Every single one of them can still, okay, not dirty Spice, but sporty Spice. She's still famous. I've not really seen her do much lately here.

She might be doing stuff other places. I mean, she had the most successful singing career outside of the Spice Girls. But as far as celebrities go, Mel B, Scary Spice, she's done loads of panel shows, like these talent shows.

Andre, sorry about that. Andre's been eating the Brussels sprouts again. So she's still famous, obviously.

Baby Spice, Emma, she's still famous from the Spice Girls, but also she does radio shows and she's done lots of stuff. Who else is there? Ginger Spice. Is she still famous? I just don't know what she's doing.

Because she left the Spice Girls, didn't she? So I don't know if she's even in the Spice Girls anymore. And then who's the other one? Posh Spice. I mean, she's probably the wealthiest one out of all of them because being married to her husband, who's famous, worldwide famous, old David Becks.

And she's got a fashion line and all that stuff. But she didn't join in with Spice Girls reunion. So I don't know why that is.

I think maybe the contract did. She wasn't happy with the contract because it said she had to smile three times. No, not doing that.

I used to fancy her. Out of all of them, she was the one I liked. I thought, wow, she's Ginger.

I liked... I think when it comes to fantasy, because it is a fantasy, if someone's really famous, and you fancy them, then it's a fantasy. It's not reality. And I think if something's fantasy, then you can play around with that fantasy.

So I can't create it. I thought five females is too much. So let's just make one.

So for the voice, the singing, it's Sporty Spice. She had the best singing voice. I'd say the best talking voice I liked, Nasty Mel B, Scary Spice.

I quite like her, also like her personality. Posh Spice, I liked her face. I just always did, always liked her face.

But then I liked the personality of Baby Spice because she was cute, but she's always smiling. So I liked her smile. And I liked Ginger Spice as well.

So I kind of would mix her in there as well. I wonder what part, I don't know. But I just, I was a big fan of them.

I quite like pop music. I'm not really kind of grungy, into deep, political stuff. I like, yeah, I like stuff that's fun.

Although I'm not as in touch as I used to be. But you know, we're talking what, 1996 was the Spice Girls, when they first popped. And I'd have been 25 at the time.

So I know that I wasn't really, well, I kind of was their audience. I was a young man. And I kind of, yeah, it wasn't just me.

I mean, it did appeal to children and teenagers and stuff. And it was the, what was it? The women, girl power, that's it, girl power. I was very, very up for that.

Because I've always been, I always quite liked the idea of equality for everyone, regardless of anything. Just get rid of that silliness, that silly attitude people have about difference. Like, what's that all about? So yeah, I'm very much a girl power person.

I'm very, I do sometimes think I'm very, very, not a hermaphrodite, but perhaps in my brain, I think I've got, so I might have, mind you, with my boobs as well, I got some lovely little, lovely titties now, they're great. So I think maybe I've got oestrogen, a lot more oestrogen than perhaps an average man, I don't know. So I don't know, I just, for a long time, I always kind of felt more comfortable being around women.

I don't mean in a, like an orgy setting, I'm talking about just in a, like a college, or just found it easier to talk to ladies and to men, just, I can talk to men as well. I don't really talk to anyone at the moment, I think, but apart from you. So I just, I like the girl power.

Plus, I like their songs as well. And so 4.1 million for Eamon Holmes. I didn't get very far in this.

I'm on page six now. And this is about Amanda Holman. Amanda Holman? Holman? Holden.

It's, yeah, I don't know. I'll just, I might read it another time. What other bits are there? I'm going to kind of have a little skimp through, here we go.

Richard Arnold, the show is experts with all the costs just for you. But they're just focusing on Downton Abbey, which is great, you know, if you're into that. I did watch the very first episode of Downton Abbey back in, well, whatever year it was.

I remember because it was Christmas. And I think it might have been 2012, I think. And it was on possibly Boxing Day.

I just remember there was this young lad that was working there, and he got accused of stealing something or whatever. And I never saw it again after that. Now, it wasn't a reason I didn't watch it.

I just didn't get around to it, really. But yeah, I remember watching it. I kind of thought to myself, I'm going to watch that one day.

I'm going to watch it from start to finish, you know, watch the whole thing. Never have. I've tried to do that with The Crown as well.

And it was funny. I did watch the first couple of episodes. And it is good.

And it's funny, but I just, there's so much competition for my attention with all these different television shows and box sets and internet channels and, you know, so much. Oh, look at this. Date night.

A new book. Oh, it sounds like I never read that. A new book has suggested that there are eight dates that could make your marriage last forever.

These include having dinner naked in brackets. Yes, really. Discussing dreams for the future at dawn.

So that'd be first thing in the morning, wouldn't it? And talking about whoopsie more. And this doesn't make sense. It says, was eager to put this to the test with the husband, but his idea of a date is something that comes in a box at Christmas.

Is she being literal? There's actually a date, a box of dates. Or is she talking about something you put batteries in? It didn't say the name of the book. I thought it would have done.

I was mildly interested. Oh, I ate seven bars of chocolate a day. So this is the lady that lost 11 stone by stopping eating chocolate.

Well, that's the thing, isn't it? It wasn't a case of, oh, so if I stop eating chocolate, I'm going to lose loads of weight. It depends on how much chocolate you're eating to start with. If you're only eating one bar of chocolate or two bars of chocolate a day, if you stop, you're probably not going to lose 11 stone.

Mind you, if you weigh 70 stone, then losing 11 stone, I mean, that's a couple of poos, isn't it? It's not such a massive deal, I suppose. But yeah, good luck to her. She's 60, and she said her grandson gave her the motivation she needed to change her ways.

I say good luck to anyone that wants to do that. I mean, to be, well, she says she's 22 stone, which is pretty much too big for anyone, I suppose, unless you're seven foot tall. 22 stone is just for the health.

I look at that stuff from a health angle. I think, okay, I'm 15 something stone, and even that's probably a bit too heavy for me. If I was 22 stone, I'm quite short, I'm five foot eight, so I'm not the tallest young lady in the world.

If I was 22 stone, I'd probably be in a wheelchair. Literally, I probably wouldn't be able to walk. It would be too much.

But if I was 6'4", 6'5", or if I was 6'9", I could hold that weight, and I'd still look big, but I'd have the weight, I'd have the height to even it out. I mean, I could probably go up to about 18 stone, if I kind of decided to really hit the gym and eat properly and that kind of stuff. I could probably go to 18 stone and still look okay and be muscly or musclier, because I'm incredibly muscly.

I am. It's almost, you know, the other day, I saw a picture of Arnold, Arnie, you know, Arnie, back in the days when he was Mr. Olympia. And I swear, if he replaced his head with my head on his body, it would be ridiculous.

So, I don't mind. I quite like, I don't want to be light. I don't think it'd suit me now.

I don't think I'd be able to get down to, you know, the last, the lightest I've been in pretty much the last 20 years. I was 11 and a half stone back in 2004, and I was on a vegetarian diet. And I didn't eat, I went for a period where I didn't eat any chocolate.

I just, I was working out, I was doing Wing Chun Kung Fu. I had quite a physical job for a bit. But the only thing I liked about it, it was, I was standing in my job, because I got a new job in a sales place.

I just remember this day, I don't know why, I just remember it. And I'd only, I'd finished the training, and I was working in the new bit. It's basically all new people worked on this particular desk.

I think it was raining outside. And there was hardly anyone in the office and people just walking out. And I think the phones might have been turned off or something.

I'm not sure what was going on. And I put my hands down my trousers. Just down the front, where the waist is, you know, like the elastic kind of bit.

And I hadn't realised how slim I was. And it felt really nice. And I thought, oh, I like this.

I'm really slim for the first time. Because before that, I was just wearing jeans. And I wasn't taking much notice of what I was wearing.

I always wore clothes. You know, it's quite difficult to walk through town wearing a towel without getting arrested. So I put my hands just down a little bit, just kind of, you know, where your trousers are, where the basically trousers button up.

And my hands just slid down there so nicely. And I thought, this is nice being slim. And then I thought to myself, I wonder how long that's going to last.

And two months later, I was sitting there in my desk at the desk at work thinking, remember when I was slim? Because sitting down all day doesn't kind of do the job when it comes to, you know, being slim. I know some people can do it. But I, even though I was walking, I was, you know, doing some exercise.

It just, the weight went on. But I never got really heavy. You know, even when I started my university course in 2007, I was 13 and a half stone, I think, or 13, yeah, about 13 and a half.

Now I'm probably about 15 and a half, something like that. I don't know. So I've not put that much weight on.

But I do remember when I first hit 14 stone, I was a big, bloated, just, I felt ill. I literally felt unhealthy. And even though I'm a lot heavier than that now, I don't feel unhealthy physically.

Because I've, I do do some exercise and do weights and I've got a punch bag and stuff. And that's really weird when I, I'm meant to weigh myself. I said weighed.

And I was in shock. It's like, oh my goodness. I'm officially huge.

Huge. So yeah, being 22 stone is good, good for her for losing the weight just, just for health wise. Because, yeah, I don't care what people weigh and what people look like.

Zero interest in that. And it's no one else's business. However, I do like to, she's got such a happy face there.

You know, she seemed quite pleased and good on her. If she's happy, and if she was happy at 22 stone, going up to 30 stone, then good luck to her as well. What does it matter? What's the other thing I was going to say? Oh, yeah.

Wow. Again, it's like this, it's an advert. But it's saying who wore it best, Kaki or Karki? Which celebrity nailed the latest look? Oh, okay.

I was looking at all the others and I wasn't really that interested. Then I saw someone that, she looks different. It's Jessica Alba.

And she does look different. The thing is with a photograph, you can make any, any, any, take a picture of anybody, and they can look so different. From the next second, you take another picture, almost like a different person.

Especially if you make faces or, I mean, she might have, she might have been farting when that picture was took. Laying out a little bit of wind, she was outside, probably thought it was safe, didn't know someone was going to take a picture. She looks like it's a concentrated fart as well.

Like one of those that you're not sure, not really sure, so kind of making sure that just the gas gets out. You know, muscle control and all that. It says here, Jessica Alba, 38.

Can't believe she's only 38. She seems to, it's like she's been around forever and ever. She must have, she must have started really young.

Because she was in, was it Dark Angel? In the early 2000s, because I used to watch it. And that's nearly 20 years ago, literally. She's got 17 years probably.

Which means she would have been, what, 21 at the time. Wow. And you've got Lisa Snowden.

Gwyneth Paltrow. I do like Gwyneth. Louise Redknapp.

And Kirstie Allsopp. So I don't know if you, not everyone's going to know these people. So if you're listening in America, of course you know who Jessica Alba is, wherever you are, I imagine, being like a film star now.

But Lisa Snowden. I don't know, what was she? Was she a waitress? Was she an actress? She was a model? Or, I'm not sure what she did. I know she's famous here, but I don't know what she was famous for.

I think she was a model, pretty sure, like a long time ago. Gwyneth Paltrow, actress, worldwide. Because she was in the Iron Man films, wasn't she, I think.

Louise Redknapp, 44. So she was in, this is terrible, I can't remember the name of the group, the girl group that she was in. So Eternal.

And she was in that group. So that's how she became well known in England. And then she married a very famous footballer.

And when she left the group, she had her own solo career. She had a lot of success there as well. And she was kind of on, I think that was the times when we had all those lad mags that weren't naughty, they weren't top shelf.

They were kind of a bit like Sports Illustrated, where it was, you know, a lot of kind of bikini and those, I don't know. I used to read them. But only at work, because I worked in office and it was a very laddish behaviour, kind of environment.

So it was all these magazines, loaded. Was it Maxim, was that one? And, but they were very popular. Now I don't, I'm not sure if they're even made anymore.

But, and they used to have, they used to be a lot of, a lot of things about sport and cars, and then women. It was very much aimed at men, these, these, but they were lads mags. And then you've got Kirsty Olsap, or Olsop, 47.

And she's, she's famous in England for, she had, did she like sell properties or something, or was it renovation properties, something like that. And then she went on and did other things. She does this thing at Christmas, where like making Christmas decorations and stuff like that.

And I love her. I do. I love her.

So I just, there's something about her. I've always liked her, just the personality. And yeah, it's just, there's something really nice about her, the way she presents.

And having her do stuff at Christmas, it's almost like there is that festival feeling with her. Yep, I love Kirsty Olsop. And Jessica Alba, I'll always, I'll always love Jessica Alba.

But that's for different reasons. I just, she, when she was in Dark Angel, it was such a good show. I don't know if anyone else, don't know how popular it was, like around the world, but she was so good in it.

And there was this romance going on between her and her boss. The kind of, will they, won't they? Bang, you know. So it's very, and then of course she was in, I mean, Sin City can't be the, that most famous park, can it? It can't be, surely.

She's been in quite a few films, but she became really well known because of that, being in Sin City, the film. Well, and the second film as well, of course. She's also in Machete, Machete.

Anyway, I didn't get very far with the magazine, but I just found it really boring. I mean, really. Oh no, there's a, there's an article about waxing.

Damn it, I missed it. Oh, it's too late now. Oh, I'm going to read it myself.

So take care and I'll speak to you next time. Remember to be kind to yourself. Lots of love.

Bye.