#195 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (14th August 2019)

Hello and welcome to LetMeBoreYouToSleep.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes.

Now, what I thought I would do is, I'm going to be choosing some subjects to talk about. And what I'm going to do is, I'm going to get books, get a few books, just cheap ones. I've got one today.

You can hear my stomach rumbling. And I'm going to find books that have a subject that I can talk about. Something that I don't really know anything about.

So there's plenty of scope there. And today, I've got a book on knots, or some people pronounce it as knots, as in rope knots, or yeah. Basically, the book's called Knots, an illustrated practical guide to the essential knot types and their uses.

The book was originally £5.99, but I got it for £2.99 in the local garden centre. This is a little bit of a random read. So I thought I'd, I'm bored already, just, just, it's a lovely, it's a lovely little book.

It's probably, just see how, how wide is, how tall is this. It's probably about 10 inches. Try that.

Yeah, 10 inches tall. And I say tall, but you know, I suppose not really tall. But it's got a blue cover with a knot, a bit of rope with a knot.

And then three other pictures, like little square pictures with knots. So I think it kind of gives a taste of what's inside. And before I go any further, I should just ask you to support me, support this free hypnosis or this free sleep service.

And you can go to, oh my stomach's making some weird sounds, but I shall eat it. I shall have something to eat when I've finished this. I was, I was going to do this an hour ago.

So this would have been yesterday's recording, but now it's going to be today's recording, because it's midnight. But I ended up going for a walk down by the riverside, down by the riverside. And I thought, I mean, I actually did start doing this recording yesterday.

Or the day before yesterday, one of them. And I started and it was late afternoon. And I had the introduction, and I was just talking and suddenly someone started banging in the garden.

So I didn't get to, I kind of stopped. So it's kind of one of the main reasons why I do my recordings at night. Because it is the quietest time to do it.

And yeah, if you go to my website, letmeboughtytosleep.com or any of my websites, there's a link where you can support me. And the link is paypal.me forward slash Jason Newland. And providing this free service, this free podcast, not just this free podcast, but all the other podcasts I do.

I've got 40, well 45 podcasts on Spreaker. I've got a SoundCloud podcast. I've got a Podbean podcast.

I've also got currently 10 websites as well. And so all together I pay out just over £150 a month to provide this free service. So if you feel that you can help a little bit towards those running costs, it'd be much appreciated.

So I'm going to start reading this. So there's quite a few different knots. Here you've got chapter one is bends.

And then you've got chapter two is binding knots. Chapter three is hitches. Chapter four is loops.

Chapter five is slip knots. Is that a name of a band? Slipknot. Chapter six is splices.

It's a name of a movie, isn't it? Hitches is the name of a movie as well. I imagine bends is also a name of a movie. So chapter seven is stopper knots.

So I'm not an expert, but I'm guessing that's a stopper that stops things. And a slipknot slips things, or lets things slip, I guess. And chapter eight, trick and fancy knots.

Now really, I could do with getting some rope to kind of practice this stuff on. But maybe I'll make a video showing you my skills. So there's an introduction.

I'm not going to read the book to you. I'm just going to kind of abbreviate various parts from the book. So the book, and I should just, I should say that any subjects that I pick from any books that I might get, I'm not saying that the subject is boring.

Because to a lot of people, this is really interesting. And also life saving because having to correct knots on the particular piece of rope, you know, especially if you're like mountaineering or hand gliding. I don't know about hand gliding, but you know, if you're, I've got a friend who's a sailor.

Now he doesn't wear sailor gear, you know, like in the Navy. But he's a sailor as in he's got his own yacht. And he's got, I guess he, he knows how to do different knots.

So because I think when you, when you park a boat, you need to tie it to the, to the yeti. So I think that's what he said, he has to tie it to a yeti. So first of all, you got to find a yeti that's willing just to sort of sit still.

And then you, I don't know, maybe tie around its ankle or something. And mind you, a yeti, it's quite good security, isn't it, for your boat? Because if you've got a yeti there, no one's going to go near the boat. This book is by an author.

And I'm guessing he must be an expert on knots, called Andrew Adamides. Adamides, I think it might be. So A-D-A-M-I-D-E-S.

So Adamides. And the publisher is Aura. A-U-R-A.

Now, there's quite a few pages in this book. In fact, there's 159 labeled pages, which means I'm not going to be able to do the whole book in one recording. So I'll kind of dip in and out of it at times.

I won't just do like 30 recordings, all focusing on my stomach gurgling or making knots. But I will perhaps do one a week. Perhaps.

And perhaps what I'll do is I'll focus on a particular knot. For example, I'm just going to, by the way, I'm touching the book. I'm touching it.

I mean, I'm turning the pages. There's nothing weird going on. Just so you know what you're hearing.

So from what I see from chapter one, which is Bends. B-E-N-D-S. It basically, it does a description or an introduction to what generally that type of knot is.

And then this gives a list of a few different ones. So I'm guessing, I'll just see, I'll keep a little marker of it, of what I've done. I might not actually get to the whole thing because I'm getting a little bit excited because there's a, in the introduction, it's got the history of knots and rope.

And although I really would love to give all my attention to this, you know, this recording, I'm just kind of tingling with anticipation about the history of knots and rope. Because this isn't my first journey into the subject of ropes and knots. Because when I was a kid, I used to be in the sea cadets.

And we used to learn how to make knots then. I'm trying to think if I can remember off the top of my head, what type of knots there were. I have a recollection of a figure of eight knot.

And then there was the crabby knot. No. Squirrel knot.

Is there such a thing as a squirrel knot? There is. I remember one of the instructors of the sea cadets, I remember he taught me how to make a noose with a rope. And then he wasn't allowed back after that.

So I don't know what was going on there. But that was quite handy for... I thought if I ever became like a horse, like, you know, in the Wild West, you know, you kind of catch cattle, and you have like a lasso. So it's called a lasso.

And you have the rope in a noose, and you catch the horn of a rhino or something. You get the horn. And that's a thing, if you see a rhino, you're going to get the horn.

It's a natural reaction. It's like a caggle. You get the rope and you catch that horn.

And the thing is, with rhinos, they're very, very strong. And also, because of where I lived, I used to live in a council estate when I was very little. And it's very grey, and the buildings, the tower blocks are grey.

So the animals, the rhinos would have camouflage, naturally be able to hide at the wall. And sometimes I'd be kicking a ball against the wall, pretending I was pretending I had friends. And, you know, the ball would come back to me, pretending I had a friend that kicked it back.

And sometimes I'd have a conversation, because there's no one around. And I said, that's a good ball and good kick. And sometimes I get into an argument with my friend that wasn't there and end up having a little bit of a fight.

But we'd always make up. And we'd have a sandwich. Well, the sandwiches always did seem to taste like brick dust.

But I remember once I was there and I was kicking the ball against the wall. And suddenly there was this rhino there. And I thought, I can't believe it.

The one time I don't have my lasso, my rope with my lasso on it. Could not believe it. But then what was a girl to do? I didn't know.

I mean, the thing is, so I thought, I've got to be clever here. And I've got to, I've got to be creative. Because I, you know, if you've watched The A-Team, you know that you can pretty much make anything out of garbage.

You can, you know, you go into any anywhere and you can, doesn't matter what's in there. If it's a cupboard with cardboard and false teeth, you can still come out with an armoured vehicle. So that's what I did.

And I thought, I know what I'll do. So I made a little lasso of my own. But all I had was five elastic bands and a daisy ring.

So I thought, well, I used the daisy ring as the lasso, lasso bit. But the elastic bands would be like the holder. And, you know, the whole hold on to it, like the rope part.

And the thing is, by the time I'd made the daisy ring, the daisy chain, or whatever you want to call it, the rhino had gone. Because the problem was, it was November when the rhino was there and I had to wait till the spring before the daisies kind of bloomed. It was just, I guess, bad timing, in a way.

Although no one ever seems to say good timing. Do they need to be more positive? I'm really into positivity at the moment. For example, I'm positive that I need to eat.

It's quite strange because I kind of, sometimes I really want to have something to eat. And then I'll go into the bathroom and I'll see my belly. And I think, I don't really need to eat for about six months.

Surely. And then it's like an old joke, but the mirror says, don't call me Shirley. And we laugh.

So I can't remember other ropes, knots that I learned. So shape of eight. Did I say shape of seven or shape of eight? Eight.

The slipknot, that is what is for the, ah, I'm not looking at the book. Now you won't believe, you might think, oh, he's just looking at the book. And now he, no, no, no, I'm not.

The book is upside down or facing downwards. And it's lying on top of my laptop. I'm not looking at it.

I'm not looking at, or I'm looking at it, but I'm not looking inside it. But I just remembered the slipknot because with the lasso, it slips, doesn't it? It goes from being open to being closed. So that you can catch the horse or the zebra or, you know, the cattle, for people that like to do that sort of stuff.

I don't know if people still do that now, but I've seen it in movies. So it must be true. And trying to think if I ever used a knot in reality.

I did, I saw my dad use a knot to drag one car behind his car. And he had a, or was it a trailer? I like the name trailer because it does what it says, doesn't it? It trails. But that's not really what it's about.

It trails, but, and I like the word because it kind of explains the action, but not the intent. Not the actual, not the job that it does. So imagine if you were a trailer and people just, you know, calling you, you're a trailer, you just get, you trail behind a car.

But no, I'm much more than that. I carry things. Yeah, but you're not called a carrier, are you? Yeah, it's not a bad thing really, is it? It's not the most popular term.

How do I be called a trailer than a carrier? I don't know. I met a carrier bag the other day and she seemed quite happy. But you just made that up.

You didn't need a carrier bag. But my question to you, apart from why did you make it up? It's absurd. Why do you automatically make a carrier bag female? What do you mean? You said she, you said you met a carrier bag the other day and she seemed happy.

Oh, I meant handbag, not carrier bag. Well, what's the difference? Well, one, one carries shopping and the other carries like, you know, it's a lot of difference. You don't, you're not going to spend 200, $300 on a carrier bag.

I don't mean what's the difference between the actual items. I mean, what's the difference between, you know, calling them she and he? What are you saying? You don't know what the difference is between a he and a she? No, I'm not saying that. Although if you want to tell me, that's fine.

No, I don't want to tell you. This is a family show. No, it's not.

It's not a family show. How many families? Imagine everyone's going to sit down. We've all had our dinner now, family.

Let's all cozy up on the settee and listen to let me bore you to sleep. That's it. That's, you know, the whole family sitting around.

Could happen? Very unlikely. It might happen. I don't think so.

You don't know though, do you? Well, I'm pretty sure it doesn't. Ah, but it might. Well, lots of things might.

Yeah. I've kind of run out of things to say now. Do you think I should just get back on to talking about the nots? Yeah, I suppose you could, but it's very boring, isn't it? Doesn't it bore you talking about nots? Well, yeah, it's supposed... Well, yeah, if I'm honest, it's not the most exciting subject, but then, you know, it's not supposed to be, is it? What do you mean? Well, I mean, nots is going to be interesting for a lot of people, and it's a very important subject for a lot of people.

However, I think it's a little bit like... Well, it's like eating, isn't it? You know, you go into a restaurant and have a lovely meal, but you don't really want to talk about it afterwards, do you? I don't know. I think a lot of people probably might do. Well, how would that conversation go? Oh, do you remember last month when we were eating? Like, you eat every day.

Yeah, but if it's a special restaurant... What do you mean by special? No, I don't mean that. I mean, if it's a, you know, like an expensive restaurant, or show me a cheap restaurant. No, I don't mean that.

I mean... I thought you were going to say McDonald's then. No, I don't mean that. No, no, I wouldn't say McDonald's.

It's not really a restaurant, is it? Well, they do call themselves a restaurant. How do you differentiate between McDonald's and a restaurant? A restaurant is somewhere that you get served, where you have a member of the human race that serves you. Are you saying that just so you don't say waitress or waiter? Yeah, yeah, it makes it easier.

What's saying a member of the human race? Yeah, yeah. I don't mean that. I mean, just saying it makes it a bit easier.

It's a bit vague, though, isn't it? A bit vague. Well, yeah, a bit vague. And you can't, you know, if you go down that road... What road? No, I mean, if you go down that road thinking, oh, I was going to say it.

I wasn't going to plan on going down any road. I'm quite comfortable at home now. I don't want to go out.

No, I didn't mean that you needed to go out. Oh, that's good. I'm quite comfortable now.

Okay, okay, fair enough. I was thinking, if you go down a road of using that term, a human being, in kind of every situation, it could cause, I don't know, it could make it just a bit strange. Well, I suppose so.

I don't know. Have you got any examples? Or she would just carry on talking about knots. No, no, I'll think of an example.

Anything to avoid talking about knots. Yeah, you did buy the book. It cost you £2.99. Yeah, I know.

I don't know what to do. I mean, I want to be boring. I want to talk about boring.

Well, I don't want to be disrespectful to the book or to the author or to the subject. But I can only... For me, personally, knots doesn't quite get my juices flowing. Yeah, but you're not really supposed to be getting your juices flowing, are you? It's not really what this is about.

It's a family show. No, I don't mean that. I just... For example, stamp collecting would be something that I perhaps would talk about.

Yeah, but wouldn't that annoy people that really love stamps? Yeah, possibly, and I don't really want to... I don't want to do that to people, because we all have our own interests. For example, my interest is doing this, making podcasts, trying to help people doing hypnosis stuff. But pretty much no one's interested in what I'm doing other than those people that use it.

Yeah, as far as family, friends, no one's interested. It's boring to them. Yeah, it's boring to me too.

Well, that's a bit rude, isn't it? Well, no, you did ask. No, I didn't ask. At no point did I ask for your opinion about whether or not you thought the thing that I am most passionate about in my life was boring to you.

Well, I don't mean that. I mean, it's just... It's not exciting, is it? It's not motor racing. You know, it's not swimming with sharks.

It's not like pottery. Pottery? Yeah, pottery. You know, that thing that potters do.

Yeah, I know what pottery is. Yeah, it's really interesting. No.

Well, I mean, yeah, I say no. I understand it could be interesting for people that are really interested in it. And that is kind of the thing when it comes to what might be construed as boring and interesting is kind of down to the individual's tastes and likes.

Yeah, that's a lot of words, wasn't it? Yeah, I suppose. I don't know. I just... It's kind of like coin collecting or train spotting.

It's not something that I'm particularly enamoured with. Enamoured. Enamoured.

Ammonent. Interested. Yeah, should we just stick with that word? Okay.

Interested. And we're all different, aren't we? We've all got our own likes and things that we enjoy. But I kind of, you know, I want to talk about this stuff.

But at the same time, I don't know, kind of, I don't know, not put it down. Yeah. What was with the big pause? You start talking and you start paused.

I was watching telly. What do you mean? You know, television. It's my best friend in the corner of the room.

Oh, that's funny. Don't talk to me like that. No, I don't mean that.

I'm saying it's funny. Friend in the corner of the room. You were making fun of me.

No, I wasn't. So, the reason why it's not turned off is because when I turn the telly off, the TV makes lots of like clicking sounds that are quite loud. So I kind of leave it on, on silent.

And usually I kind of ignore it, but there's a film that's quite good that I started watching before I began this recording. And I've seen it before, but there's something about a film that's got no volume. It just sounds, it doesn't sound of anything.

It's a bit different. It's a different experience, you know, especially when you're talking through it. Let's have a little drink there.

So yeah, the whole point is I do want to talk about boring subjects, but it's kind of boring. It's boring doing it. Why don't you just give it a go? You got the book.

Yeah, I know. Also, I've noticed that your accent is changing through this conversation. What do you mean? Don't worry.

Right, I'm gonna, what the heck is that? So I'm going to read a little bit of this book, The History of the Knots and the Rope. And I'll just read a little bit. Ever since man began to use the objects, plants, and creatures around him to make his life easier, he has been tying knots.

Indeed, it is widely thought that the first knots were tied in Neolithic times, when Neolithic man or woman, human being, first tied a stone to a stick, creating a tool or weapon. Or, this is my little bit, maybe they were playing conkers. So I remember another bit of rope that I used to, I was going to say, making this recording to Money for Old Rope.

So I used to, when I was a kid, I don't know how old, probably eight, nine, 10, kind of era, period. And I got a, for Christmas, I think it would be, I got a magic set, and it was a Paul Daniels magic kit. I'm actually becoming more interested in knots now.

I didn't think that would have happened. Perhaps I should get myself a book on mathematics. It's not a bad idea, because as well as reading the book, I can actually learn something at the same time.

So if I keep doing this for the next 20 years, I could have a really wide knowledge base on subjects that I have no interest in. However, it may, and probably would, expand my mind and the way I view the world. Perhaps have more, I don't know, more of a different outlook, a wider spectrum of thinking, perhaps.

I had this magic set from Paul Daniels. I say from Paul Daniels, I mean, he didn't give it to me personally. He, his wig delivered it to me.

Knocked on the door, there's his wig, his hairpiece. There you go, this is from Paul, me daddy. And handed over the magic set.

I said, oh, thank you. I said, you're just a hairpiece, you're just a wig. How did you manage to get here, as well as carrying this big box, and hold that big box, and press the doorbell at the same time? How did you manage to do that? And the wig said, well, that's magic.

So we laughed. I said, that's pretty good, pretty clever. And the wig said, that's magic.

I said, okay. I didn't realize it was going to repeat itself. I said, so what do you think of the magic set that you've given me? I said, you think I like it? I said, you might, but not a lot.

Oh, okay. He didn't seem very positive. He said, I gotta go now.

I said, okay. Gave me a kiss, made out for a few hours, and then he left. And so I had this magic kit, had this magic set.

And I don't know why, I don't know why, but I have a memory of actually peeling off the plastic, like the outer layer that was surrounding the box. Now, it might not be an actual memory of that particular box, at that particular time. It might be kind of a shared memory with other times in the past and in the future from that time.

That I have opened, taken the plastic off of boxes. So, but I have this kind of memory of, with my teeth, on the edge of the box, there'd be a little bobbly bit of plastic, just kind of on the corner. And I'd like grab it and I'd just tear it a little bit, and like tear the, like a strip of plastic off of the corner and the bit of the side.

And then I could put my hand underneath and push my hand all the way through, all the way down the box, and just push my hand in and stretch it out, and the plastic would just break. And I had that memory of doing that. But as I said, it might not be a memory from that actual magic box that I had.

But I'm pretty sure that I've done that probably quite a few times with various items of boxes. For example, from the top of my head, jigsaw puzzles, they'd have that kind of plastic coating and what else would have that? Games, like board games, which I think is a very good word for it. I don't know if I've ever played a game that didn't bore me.

And what other things? I mean, how can someone spend hours playing Monopoly? I mean, even when I was 10, I'd be sitting there thinking I could be getting drunk. Well, I didn't even drink. I wasn't allowed to drink.

But I knew that anything would be more interesting than sitting there waiting to move me, me hat. Was it a hat that I had? I wanted to be the dog. But no, no, I had to be the hat.

If I can't be the dog, can I be the iron? No, I've got to be the hat. But I want to be the dog. No, so it's... I used to play quite a few games.

I think my favourite, my favourite game was, was it, was it Generation? I don't know why, because there used to be a TV show called The Generation Game, but there used to be a board game called Generation. And it might have been called The Generation Game, but it had nothing to do with The Generation Game television show that was hosted by Bruce Forsyth. And who was the other one? Who was my favourite out of all of them? And he used to say, shut that door.

And his name will come to me in a minute. But other people have done it later on. Was his name Gary? Not Gary Nivel.

Gary... If it comes to me, I'll say it. But other people, I think Jim Davidson did it for a while. And Sue Perkins, Kim and Sue, or Sue and Annie, I think they did it recently.

Gary, Bobby, Gary. Oh, I used to really like him because he's very funny. Very, very funny, but I can't remember his name.

Not Elton John, no. But he was great. But anyway, he, he did it and then he stopped and then Bruce took over again.

That was in the, I suppose, early 80s, I guess. And they used to kind of have these, they'd have like a group of people, like families, I think, playing against each other. So, for example, there'd be a potter, a potter doing pottery on a pottering stall.

It's not stable, you know, the turntable thingy. And they'd be, they'd kind of like make a vase, or a vase, I mean vase is the right term, but those, some people might call it a vase. I call it a vessey.

So, and they'd make this thing out of clay. And the potter would like, it would be really good. It did him, or it could be a human, a human would do it.

And it'd be really quick and easy and everything. So, they'd do it once and then the other people were watching and then they were told to, you know, to copy and give it a go. So, the audience would laugh at the contestants trying to do something that they'd never done before.

And they would perhaps make a big mess and it'd look very much different from the vessey that the potter had originally produced. Very different, almost unidentical, you could say. And I used to watch it when I was young for years.

Not, I mean, the program probably lasted about 50 minutes, but, you know, over a span of time. Gary Grayson. No, Larry Grayson.

Larry Grayson. That's the presenter that took over from Bruce Forsyth. And then Larry Grayson took over.

And then Bruce Forsyth took over again when Larry Grayson left. And he was brilliant. He was just really funny.

Very funny. So, if you haven't heard of Larry Grayson, then check him out on WooTube. And then at the end of the show, they'd have a conveyor belt with lots of stuff.

And the person, the winner of the show, who basically sitting on a stool or a chair, I can't remember. But it was a piece of furniture that supported their body. And they'd watch the conveyor belt as these... It could be anything like a toaster or a kettle or a cruise to Syria or whatever.

It could be like a really good gift. And there'd always be a cuddly toy, always be a cuddly toy. So you never had to really remember that, because there always was a cuddly toy.

And the ideas, I think they're about 30 seconds of all these different items. And then they had to remember those items that they'd seen. And if I remember correctly, there'd be a big board with a picture of each item, which would come open when they remembered it.

So whatever they remembered, they got to take home with them. And I think that was it. There might have been a bigger prize, but I don't remember.

Or there might have been a thing where they remembered, if they remembered something, let's say the toaster, or the packet of eggs, or something. And that would also lead to a bigger prize, like a trailer. I don't know.

Because I know in some places, trailers, they're not things that you carry stuff in. Trailer could be like a thing you live in, like a trailer park. Could be where caravans live, or caravans and humans living in harmony, together, free, loving each other.

And generation, the game that I had, oh no, is it generation? Am I thinking of Kaplunk, or Buckaroo? No, it's Buckaroo. No, not Buckaroo. There was this game, and it had like a little globe in the middle of it.

You used to push it down, and there'd be dice in there. And it basically click, and then you can, whatever the dice came on, you would move around the board. And there'd be, I don't know, four people could play, something like that.

And there'd be colors, I think it was green, blue, yellow, and red, I think. Green, blue, yellow, red. There's four players.

And you'll start off with something like six, six little things that fitted into the holes. They fitted nice and snugly. And it was a case of going around the board, or it was like a, lots of little plastic little holes that you could fit your, it's like a, I suppose like a member of a little team.

So you could fit your member into the little hole. And as you moved your member around, whichever member, whichever got the most, into the most holes, you know, with the dice and got around, and you managed to fit into this slot. So you'd fit your, like a slit really, of where there was one, two, I guess six, six spaces in this little, this slit in the middle.

So you'd fit your members into the slit, to the slot or slit, I don't know what the right word is. And it would be, whoever got there first would be the winner. So sometimes I'd play it with myself.

I don't know what I'm telling you about, just sometimes I would. So I'd have all six, I'd have all four people, and I'd play. The weird thing is that sometimes I still lost.

So this magic kit, I suppose the only reason I'm sort of telling you about it is because it had a rope trick. And the rope trick was, I think you did a knot, and then it came undone. Yeah, so let's see how far I've got into the book.

Right, I did, okay, I did one paragraph of the introduction. So maybe another time I'll read a little bit more of this book. So that's got to be the end really, it's over an hour in.

So thank you very much for listening, and I will speak to you another time. Bye.