#179 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (25th July 2019)

Hello, welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen to this where you can safely close your eyes.

So, on this day the 25th of July 2019, I just thought I'd let, you know, I'm all about education, you know, so education's good and I like to, you know, have slight entertainment but have a little bit of, little bit of, you know, entertainment, a little bit of education, a little bit of this, little bit of that. And in England we have our dates, for example, the 25th of July, we have 25 dash or forward slash 07 and then 2019. In some parts of the world they have 07 dash 25 2019 and that's wrong, it should be 25 07 2019.

See, how else are you supposed to know what month it is or what you thought, you know, what if it's 07 7 19? 07 could be July, 07 could be the day. So yeah, the day's first, the month's second and the year's last. It's not the month first and then the day second and then the year last.

Why not the year first and then the day second and the month last? So yeah, I just thought I'd let you know that, just a little bit of education. So what I thought I would do today, because I haven't made a recording for a while and these recordings are just, the idea behind them is to just talk to you about stuff. And you know, I'm always looking for new ways to do this.

So what I thought I would do today is to just talk to you about the warmest day of the year so far. Here in my country, well I don't own the country but you know, it's been quite a weird day. We have a new Prime Minister here and he likes to call himself Boris but that's not even his real name.

We need to stop calling him Boris. So his real name is, let's have a look, is it Wallace Alexander? His name is Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson. Sorry mate, you don't get to choose your first name.

Your first name is the name that you've been given. Don't get to, you know, I'm not, I'm not calling myself Stevie, you know. I call myself Jason because it's my name.

So we need to call him Alexander Johnson. Stop Boris. So just another bit of education there.

So that's his real name is Alexander. If anything, Alexander is more of a, it's kind of more of a bigger, not romantic but not biblical, royal. It's kind of a royal name, isn't it? And I guess he'd probably like to be the, he'd like to be the Queen.

So Alexander Johnson, not Boris, Alexander Johnson. So let's try and keep that in mind, shall we? Thank you very much. See, it's all about education, all about education and talking down to people.

So what I thought I would do, what I thought I would do, as I've got the volume down, so I've got no idea what's being said, but the YouTube video is called 2019, not 2019. Those of you that say 2019, again, I'll re-educate you. It's 2019.

Just so you've got that good. Thank you. As 2019 Formula One season launch live from Melbourne.

It's not Melbourne, it's Melbourne. And of course, it's not really live because it's a pre-recorded, you know, it's recorded. Well, it was streamed live on the 12th March 2019.

And it's, the YouTube channel is called Formula One. And this particular video has 614k views. So, and it's 50 minutes and 52 seconds long.

So what I'm going to do is I'm just going to watch it and give you kind of my own commentary based on what I'm seeing on the screen. And I guess just I don't know, just I'll do some visual descriptions and I suppose I have to guess what they're saying. So here we go.

This is the video and I'm just going to do, you know, just going to talk. Right. Oh, so it's got a few graphics showing unbelievable.

It says coming up as unbelievable, unforgivable, unforgivable. Oh, unforgettable. And it had a couple of people pushing themselves.

Oh, but this is too fast. It's quite fast paced. All the drivers.

This is a list of just showing a few pictures. All the teams. And it's got some cars.

And it's in Federation Square, wherever that is. I wonder if they sell bagels there. I haven't had a bagel for years.

See, when I used to be a DJ many, many, many years ago, I used to get a lift home from my friend. And we used to stop off in Brick Lane in East London. And there is, I think there's more than one bagel shop.

But we used to go to a particular bagel shop and it was really busy. Really, really, really busy. And I think that the bagel shop was open for 24 hours a day.

And it was like two o'clock in the morning, something like that. And would be a bit peckish. And I'd have a bagel and it was still warm.

And I'd have like cheese or something like that. I think. Hmm.

Now, there's a lady in a red top. It's like a, like a suit top. And she's standing on stage with a man in a black top.

That's just a shirt. And they've got these microphones. They're the ones that reach out through the end, got a little ball at the end where the microphone is.

And from an angle, it looks like a really big mole on their cheek. And above them, there's a big screen. Oh, it is a mole.

No, it isn't. I don't mean a mole as in, you know, a little wiggly little nose. I mean, you know, a, I was going to say facial disfigurement, but you know, just a mole.

Right now we've got Will Buxton and Rosanna Tennant talking to each other. And one of them, the female's got a shirt on with like blue and red bits. And there's a barge pulling into a barge area.

So I've just gone under a bridge. Looks like it's in London, but no, it's in Melbourne, isn't it? Yeah. It's in Australia.

So it's pulling in and she's got a microphone, holding the microphone and she's waving at them. But they seem to be ignoring her. And she's still looking at the camera and talking.

And now there's a big aerial picture and there's some people standing there. There's some bloke standing outside his lorry, having a vape, vape, vape, you know, vape, vaping. Probably thinking what all this fuss is about.

I don't know what a barge has got to do with Formula One racing cars. But the barge is pulling in now. The first bit of it is kind of touched towards the sides of the jetty.

And the back of it seems to be pulling itself in. Ah, see, there's a lot of people on the barge, but it looks like all of the motor racing drivers are on there. Some have got red hats on.

One of them's got a yellow hat on. And a couple of them don't have any hats at all. Maybe they forgot them.

There's someone who have a white hat. And there's a banner or like a thing at the side of it saying, the season starts here. I can't hear it, but it looks like someone's just told a really funny joke.

Either that or he's apologizing for farting. Oh, and there's a lady there on a phone. And now someone just walked in front of the camera like it was okay to do so.

Now the racing car drivers are shaking hands with these little kids that are standing there. And he's put a hat on one of them. He's completely ignored the other one.

And now there's some, oh, someone's just come out. I don't know if it's a man or a lady. Very, very fair skin, but with sunglasses on.

Very slim. And I can't tell. I'm going to guess.

I think it's a man. I'm not sure. Now there's an aerial view.

Now there's another man, but he's interviewing. And he's got a microphone with like a red, it's a black microphone with a little red stripe. He's talking to Robert Kubica from the Williams team.

And this bloke is, he's talking. And he's, I guess he's just saying, yes. He's asking, has your journey been? He said, yes, it's great.

So do you know if there's any bagel shops around? Yeah. He's pointing to it and he's run off. So he clearly likes bagels.

And there's another driver who's walked off and he's said hello to the kid that hasn't got a hat on. In fact, there's one kid, all the other kids have got hats. One's got a red hat.

One's got a blue hat. But the other one hasn't got a hat at all. But he does seem to have something on.

He looks like he's wearing a wig, which he might be. But he hasn't got a hat on. So I don't know why.

Maybe that's why they didn't give him a hat. Maybe they thought he already had one on. He's looking around.

He's at the end of the queue, the end of the line. And the little kid's looking around like, oh, they've forgotten me. And now there's one of the drivers, he's signing autographs.

He's signing autographs, but he's not acknowledging the people whose autograph he's signing. So he's he's completely ignoring them. But he's talking to the person who's interviewing him.

But now the person that's interviewing him's gone. And he's still ignoring people. He's not even looking at them.

So he's signing autographs onto people's, I guess, maybe it's maps, I don't know, whatever they brought out with them. Might be the menu from a restaurant or something that they brought, that they stole. Maybe one of those guides, you know, when you go into a cheap hotel, there's a little guide of do's and don'ts and, you know, how to operate the television and, you know, what to do if you needed to add certain channels on and how much they cost, you know, things like that, maybe.

Well, now one of them, he's very happy. He was talking to the lady, oh, he's gone now, but he was smiling. I think it, I think it's the one that read off to get the bagels.

He, no, that's this one now. And he's saying, where's the bagel shop? He said it was up there. And all the blokes, yeah, the interviewer's saying, I lied.

He doesn't look very pleased. He said, that's fair enough. And he said, well, oh, he's looked up, he's saying hello to one of the people that's asking for an autograph, had a selfie.

Now the lady's back with the microphone and she's sticking it right in his face. And he's sort of like, you can see the whisper in me, go away, please. And she keeps talking to him, but he's like, his eyes, his mouth saying, oh, yeah, I'm happy to speak to you, but his eyes are just saying, why? I mean, why can't you leave me alone? Why do you think that I drive around in a car that's only big enough for one person? Because I don't like spending time with other people.

No room for passengers. And there's another man who's been interviewed. He's got pink on his top.

I think it's a man, Lance Stroll. Yeah, it's a man. He's very young though.

Looks very young, looks more like a teenager. And he's smiling. And he's, you can see he's not looking directly at the people who he's signing autographs for, but I get a sense his peripheral vision is in overdrive.

Like he's really kind of keeping an eye at the same time, talking to the person who's interviewing him and signing his name. Now the lady's talking to Toto Wolf, team principal of Mercedes. And she's asking him, what kind of chocolates do you like to eat? And he said, well, I quite like Maltesers.

And she said, I've just farted by the way. And he walked away. He just walked.

So I don't know if she did or not, but some people enjoy potty humor, personally. I think it's terrible. We should be more adult.

And now they're on stage again. It might be the same people. I don't know.

White people all look the same to me. But they're now standing on stage still talking about from the looks of it, she's telling him off. I think he must've done something earlier in the day.

And I think they're probably married or they're seeing each other. And she's having a little dig at him, but doing it publicly and making it as like a joke, but it's not really. And only them two know about it.

Well, look, George Russell, he's very young. He looks young. Reminds you everyone looks young.

I'm at a pensioner the other day and I thought, hello, young man. Oh no, calling people young man now. Oh, now we're back.

And there's some people walking on to the stage. There's lots of people in the audience holding up phones. Perhaps they didn't realize it was going to be on YouTube.

But yeah, they're taking pictures and for some reason, someone got up there and he just had like an old fashioned camera. Everyone's got phones, mobile phones, except almost two people. Oh, there's another one now.

It's like a little group of people. Three people have clearly gone together with cameras. Everybody up there.

Mobile phones. Imagine they're traveling on a train or on a plane. I mean, from the looks of it, they might have traveled from Spain or Germany or England.

And they're known as the camera trio. It's those people with cameras again. Haven't they heard about technology and mobile phones? Oh, by the way, a bit more education.

It's mobile, not mobile. It's mobile. B-M-O-B-I-L-E.

It's not mobile, M-O-B-L-E. It's not mobile phone. It's mobile phone.

It's not cell phone either. Come on, what cell? What's that about? There's no cells involved. That's somewhere that prisoners live in a cell.

Prisoner cell, block H. All the people are clapping now. All the audience, because I imagine I'm not really getting the full sense of the excitement of the occasion. And because they're going to be driving around, kind of in a circle for two hours or whatever.

And I suppose really, racing car drivers must just be those kids that when they were little, they had a scalextric, scalextrics kit, I think they are. And they always dreamed, they're like, I wish I was small. I wish I was tiny enough to fit inside one of those little cars.

And that was their dream. A bit like Big, you know, the film, I Wish I Was Big. Imagine if you'd wished something else.

That would have been a very different film. Imagine when I was a kid, when I was a teenager, what I'd have wished for. It would have been a very different film.

Oh, yes. Plus, it would have been based in England. Yeah, it would have been very different.

Oh, now there's two new people. They're not new, the two people on the stage talking. One's got a hat on, one doesn't.

Maybe that's to so people know who's who. The one without a hat on is about 50 years older than him. Clearly his grandad or his father, maybe.

Or maybe it's his mother, who had decided to live the life that she felt she was supposed to live. I don't know. And there's another person, another person.

They actually look a little bit like superheroes. Like a really new superhero that's just starting out. There's another superhero, looks like maybe he's been around for a while, but perhaps he'd like to hand over the mental piece to the new one.

And then there's the old superhero that's got half riders. And the only reason he flies everywhere is because he struggles to walk because of his ankles. And he's talking.

And people don't actually understand what he's saying, but they're clapping because they just love him so much. And there's more people, they're just standing there. One person's moving his left arm, and he looks like he's doing kind of a high hitler salute, but with his left arm.

But I'm sure that's not the reason. Alfa Romeo, number one world championship, he knows what he's doing. And Antonio, first Italian driver since 2011.

See, when someone says that to me, oh, it's the first person since 2011 to do that. For me, that's like, oh, so it's been six months, is it? And then I have to remember that 2011, that's like eight years ago. Time, time, time, time.

Because, you know, 2012 was the London Olympics. And we had the Olympics in 2016. And then we have the Olympics again next year.

And I remember the Olympics in 2008 when I was at university. And then I remember the Olympics 2004, and it's like, wow, there's been so many Olympics. Now, the reason I remember the Olympics 2008, for two things.

Firstly, Amir Khan, who was the star, the boxing star of 2008 for England, because he won. I can't remember, did he won silver? Did he win gold? Or was it silver? But he was like 17 years old or something. And in boxing, and he went on to win, you know, some world titles as a professional.

And I also remember the Olympics of 2008, because one day I was delivering leaflets for my free hypnosis service. Or it might have been for the free pain relief, I don't remember. But I was putting them through people's doors.

But it was summer. Obviously, it's always summer, isn't it? During the Olympics, was it August? I think sometime like that. And then I put my leaflet through someone's door and a dog bit me.

And so I had to go to hospital and have treatment and stuff. As I threw the letterbox, I didn't go, I didn't have the treatment through the letterbox. That would have been weird.

Imagine walking in, slotted with a letterbox stuck to my arm, my hand, fingers diggling through. And walking in with a door, a door attached to my hand, walking in with a house attached to my hand, dragging the house along. And I remember that because I got, I think I got in a taxi.

Yeah, I got a bus. Luckily, from where I was, to the bus station, and then I got a taxi to the hospital. And on the way to the hospital, I was listening to the radio, because the taxi driver had the radio on.

And good thing if the radio is on, sometimes it means I get a chance to not have to talk to the driver. And it was really interesting because they were, he was listening to the Olympics live, and there was a karate tournament or taekwondo tournament. And one of the, this is bad really, but there was a tournament going on.

And one of the taekwondo or karate people lost a point or got penalized or got, I don't know, disciplined or, you know, maybe lost the match. And he kicked the referee. He kicked the referee.

And I just remember it just being really funny. I don't know why, just because it's so, it just shouldn't happen. But it's just, I don't know, I was laughing, but at the same time, I was, it's just, yeah, that's what I remember.

That's what I remember the 2008 Olympics. I don't remember anything about the 2004 Olympics. Other than I'm pretty sure Audley Harrison won the super heavyweight gold for England in boxing.

But that's, that's about it. I don't remember much more from the 2004 Olympics. In 2008, that's about all I remember, you know, M.A Khan and that karate or taekwondo person being naughty.

Then 2012, it was a huge deal in England because the Olympics was being held in London, not just London. It was, I think, I'm sure some events were in other parts of the country as well. But I'm pretty sure, maybe I'm wrong.

I'm sure there were some events held in Manchester and stuff. But I might be wrong on that. I don't care enough to know if it's right.

But, but, but, but, where it was held in Stratford, that was in East London, Stratford, is the main place, you know, like the, that's where the Olympic Village was and all that stuff. That's where the main arena was. It's now West Ham football ground.

But that's where I used to live. Not in the arena. You hear that background sound, it's a train.

I've got all the windows open, but it's so warm. Had to have the windows open. That's still talking on the, on the, see, this video, I thought it was going to actually show the cars racing around, but it hasn't so far, which is a little bit disappointing.

Not because I wanted to see cars racing around. It's just, it's hard to commentate on people talking when the volume's down. You know what I mean? So, 2012, the 2012 Olympics was probably the best Olympics this country's ever had.

I think, if I'm right, I think we won more medals than in any other Olympics. So, and we had, we had more than one gold boxing champion, a medallist. I think DeGale won the gold as middleweight.

Who else? Anthony Joshua won the gold medal at super heavyweight. That was in the boxing, I think there might be another one as well. But then we had swimming.

We won gold medals in, I say we, I wasn't involved, but I like to think I did my bit by watching. Gold means, not skydiving, diving off the top board, I forget. But what was his name? Is it Davis? I forget his name.

But he was a young lad, I think he was about 16 at the time. And he became like a national hero because he won, he won gold in, I think, like two different, maybe more events. And then of course, I say of course, but this is something that we were very good at in this country.

Cycling and run, no, cycling and rowing. For some reason, we seem to be, England, seem to be the best in the world at rowing and cycling. You know, as far as like gold medalists and stuff.

I don't know why, because, you know, I've lived here my whole life, apart from a short while in Ireland and holidays, you know, abroad and stuff. And I haven't really, well, I have cycled, I mean, I used to have a bike when I was a kid, which is the only time anyone should ever have a bike. I do see adults cycling, I do wonder about it.

I kind of, I see them cycling, and I think to myself, I wonder if when they get home, they play with Lego. And they have little coloring in books and stuff like that. And they watch children's television and cartoons on telly and all the other stuff that kids do.

But I don't know. So, I literally can't cycle. It's... My friend has got a bike, and I tested it out a few weeks back.

And just riding to the top of the road and back, my calf muscles just, it's like they swelled up. I guess it's like they were pumped up and muscular, because I'm such a muscular person. And it's like, naturally, a bodybuilder, I guess, kind of, got these huge muscles that are just there.

And I don't know why. It's really, you know, I mean, when I was born, I didn't need any help from the doctor. I just, I just crawled out my own way.

I just got out myself. I was born with muscles, and I was strong. And, you know, all the kids would be in the school, you know, working away there, and they're writing stuff down in their books while the teacher was, you know, talking at the front of the classroom.

And, you know, using a blackboard with chalk and stuff. And that's in the days when we were allowed to say blackboard. And I was at the back, pumping iron.

I, you know, I was doing that. Mind you, it wasn't just me. I had a couple of friends there as well.

One was on a rowing machine, the other was on like a static bike. Because, you know, preparing for the Olympics, of course. I've never rowed.

I don't understand how rowing becomes, has become so, okay, has, how people in this country become so good at it. Not just good, but like, phenomenally super, superhuman when it comes to that stuff, because it's not easy to do. I've been on a rowing machine in a gym, but it's a little bit like the static cycle, you know.

It's, or when you walk on one of those walkie things, you know, that just treadmill, that's it. You don't get anywhere, which is fine if it's raining outside, because it's nice to go for a little walk or cycle and still be dry. Although I might be dry on the outside of my clothes, but I've definitely got a puddle in the underpants, because I don't ask sweat, I tell you, when I do exercise.

Although I've got my punch bag and I've noticed lately, I've just been, I like to play with it, but I don't like to go too hard. And partly I don't want to make too much noise, but another reason is I don't wear any gloves, I just do it barehanded. So I'm kind of getting the technique right, because otherwise I hurt my hands.

So I have to do it, not softly, but I have to be really gentle with the punch bag. It's a weird sentence, isn't it? So the people are still on stage talking and they showed a picture in the crowd of a small child sitting on someone's shoulders. I don't know who the person was, it could be a father, could be a mother, could be anyone.

They didn't show the person other than their hair, because you could see the top of the head, but they were showing the child and the child's face, and there was this, and it's not a proper tattoo, I guess, because I imagine that would be illegal, but there was like a transfer saying, I love, and it was the name of one of the, I think it said Red Bull, which is the name of one of the teams, so maybe that's just a bit of sponsorship. Maybe it is a tattoo, maybe that man takes his child to places and just walks around and advertises Red Bull. Doesn't give you wings, it gets you arrested.

Can't put tattoos on your children's face. Well, it's not in there. I suppose maybe some places you can, I don't know.

I saw someone the other day, where did I see him? Oh yeah, it was one of these programs, it was on late at night, around this time, so 3.25 in the morning now, and it's the best time to be awake. It really is the coolest time at the moment. It's nice and cool in here, and I slept last night, or during the day, for the first time.

In fact, I can't remember the last time I slept like this. I was completely naked, and I don't generally get naked any time. I don't even like getting in the bath naked because sometimes I forget and I get out of the bath and there's a mirror and it makes me jump.

And I laid in bed completely clotheless. You'd normally have me underpants on, you know, just in case. And I thought, no, I don't know, sometimes this whole thing, I know it's a little bit weird, but I like to keep that part covered just in case something, I don't know, just... But anyway, I kind of let everything, had a bit of air everywhere, and it was lovely.

Had the windows open, it was like, oh, it was still fairly warm, but it was cool. But I could feel, because I went to bed about seven o'clock or something, and I could feel, you know, as it was getting warmer, but I ended up getting out of bed about 3, 3.30. So it was okay. It was all right.

And then when I did get up, I had some milk. I got the milk out to have some breakfast cereal and the milk, and I had a coffee, I had a cup of coffee there as well. So I went to put the milk in the coffee and it just, big blobs just fell out and it had gone off from yesterday to today.

So I don't know if the fridge is not cold enough or what, but it meant all I needed, I had, I still had no choice. I mean, I could have gone to the garage and got some milk or, you know, I suppose there were options, but what I ended up doing was having some toast. But because my toaster broke, it basically, every time I used it, it used to shortcut the entire flat.

All the lights would go off, electricity would go off. So I just chucked it out and so I broke them. So now when I make toast, I need to use the grill on the oven and that takes a while to heat up.

Now you try and tell me that was not a boring story because it was, it really was boring. It's the way I tell them, it really is, it's the way I tell them. So I ended up having toast and it just wasn't, it wasn't substantial, it wasn't, it didn't quite fulfill my needs, you know, but it's okay.

Oh, now they're showing an actual car. They're showing cars on this program that lasts 50 minutes and we're probably 40 minutes into it. Now they're showing some cars and it's about cars.

Why wait? Why? I'm now showing the men. Why is it all men? That's something I don't really understand with something. I can understand that some things that men and women perhaps physically, not all, but maybe they don't compete with each other in certain things for whatever reasons.

You know, let's say weightlifting, that's a pretty good example. The strongest woman would not be able to beat the strongest man. The strongest woman would probably beat most men, but not, you know, if it was a strong man competition, weightlifting, for example, strongest man always lifts much heavier weights than the strongest woman.

So, different categories, and it might sound sexy, but I don't think it is. It's just the way it is. But when it comes to something where you're just sitting down and, you know, steering, and you're sitting in a chair, a little chair in a car, and you do look like a little child in one of those little pedal cars, you know, you get when you're a little kid.

That's what they look like, isn't it? Like little pedal cars, but obviously they're not. And maybe, maybe they've kept it a secret, and the men haven't told the women that they're not pedal cars, that they've actually got engines in them. So they're making out, I'm going 200 miles an hour in my pedal car, look how quickly I can pedal.

And maybe some of the women are thinking, I couldn't pedal that fast, I wouldn't even want to try. I can't compete with that. But if they found out that they had engines in them, and all I had to do is steer and go fast, why can't the women, the women, all women, why can't all women, why can't it just be men and women, why just men? Surely, I suppose there are some women drivers, but why, why would it make any difference? It's driving.

But then if we go into the facts, is to become a Formula One driver, you have to have had probably hundreds of thousands of pounds and dollars invested in you to get to the point of being taken on by one of these big organizations. It's not a poor man's sport. It's, I saw a documentary a while back, and it was this family, and they weren't wealthy, but he remortgaged his house like three times in order to pay for all the tuition and to pay for him to be able to, his son to be able to be part of this, the amateur driving and to get to the point where he could hopefully get chosen.

Because as soon as they're chosen to be in the F1, they just earn millions and millions and millions of dollars instantly, rich, mega rich. And they don't even have to win every race. But how can you, it's like, I think they should do that with the Olympics.

So they do the 100 meters, but they say, oh, what we're going to do, you have to come back in four years time. And after 20 years, we'll decide who's the winner. So whoever got the best overall time during those five races, every four years, one race every four years, my maths ability is amazing me right now.

For a, I don't know, for a, yeah, 20 years. And only people that can compete every year, the fire, every four years, for 20 years. Yeah, that would be good.

That's what I'd do. Maybe do it over 40 years. You know, one of the best cyclists ever was this lady, this is probably in the 50s, not in her 50s, but in the 50s, talking about men and women.

You know, I don't try not to be sexy or anything. But even that time, this is probably maybe 40s or the 1950s. There was a man who, it might have been like the Tour de France, but like the English version, whatever that is.

And the man who was, the person who was used to winning every year was just laughing at us saying, I'll see you a couple of hours after I get there. And apparently she famously rode past him on her bike, drinking a cup of tea or something. I don't know.

I'm not sure if she was holding a teapot, had a little tray balancing on the handlebars. I don't know. But she basically, she like mocked him as she rode past.

And she was, she won everything. She was an absolute, I think she was possibly a gold medalist in the Olympics or something. I don't know.

I mean, I made some of it up. She was the first woman, I think, to, probably to believe in herself that she could do it. You know, you didn't have to have a willy to ride a bike.

And she did. I think she rode for quite a few years and she just out rode everybody. I can't remember her name, because I wasn't that interested at the time.

Didn't realize it was going to be useful information. As it clearly is right this minute. So this thing is still going.

What's weird about it is, let's have a look. I started this recording at the same time as I started a video. And the video is 50 minutes in.

It's near the end. But this is 58 minutes into the recording. Now that, my dear, is some kind of parallel time leap thing.

I always thought it'd be quite good to be a gymnast. But you know the kind of gymnast I'd like to have been, is on the, do you know those bars, like the, they're rings. You know the ring bars where you turn around, you turn your body around and, you know, balance yourself.

And I don't know, I forget what they're called. But the reason I wanted to do that is because when I was a kid, when I was, let's say, seven, eight years old, something like that, I had this little toy. And it was a monkey holding on to two bars.

And you press the sides, and there was a couple of little knobs that you press in. And you press it in, the monkey would spin around, like doing, kind of like somersaults, holding on to the rings. And it was really cool.

I loved it. And I always liked the idea of being able to do something like that. Because apart from anything else, apart from looking so impressive, it's something just phenomenal to watch.

You know, you haven't got to do any other exercise ever, because you'll have a perfect body. Because you probably, to be fair, they probably do do exercises to get the strength to do it. But they're always like, it's like swimmers.

There's a new swimmer, well, he's not new, but he's like the best swimmer in the world. And he's English as well. And he, he's just one goal.

In some tournament, but he's broken the world record in bosom, bosom stroke, boob stroke. And he broke the world record for that. I think it was this week or last week.

And he's got tattoos and everything, but he just like, he looks like a bodybuilder, you know, he's quite just so muscular. So I thought maybe if I started swimming, or get lots of tattoos to maybe cover up the fat, I could get tattoos. You know what, that's a really good idea.

I wish I'd thought of that. Get tattoos and get like a seven pack or whatever on the stomach. So it looks like I've got muscles.

Wow. You know, that's a really good idea. It is, isn't it? So I think it's important that we agree on some stuff.

Very important. Anyway, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go now. Hopefully, I've bored you enough for you to just drifted off into a nice little slumber.

Take care, and I'll speak to you very, very soon. Lots of love. Bye, bye.