#160 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (4th June 2019)

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You to Sleep. This is Jason Newland, or rather I am Jason Newland, and please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes. You may be able to hear a little bit of a buzzing sound in the background.

Don't be alarmed, it's just the laptop. Because yesterday I was going to read out the or go through the stats for May. Yes, it's June now.

So I was going to go through the stats of May 2019. But I ended up talking about other stuff and I ended up talking, starting off talking about thanking people. And then I didn't end up thanking individual people.

So yeah, so in my mind, I was going to, excuse me. In my mind, I was going to go through the stats. And then when I pressed record, I was going to thank people.

And then, yes, I kind of lost track of everything. Not everything in the world, but just everything. I was going to say, not that I plan what I'm going to say, but I do sometimes give it a tiny bit of consideration.

But so what I'm going to do is go to Facebook. And I'm going to read out a few names. A few names.

I'm just going to read out the first name, not a surname, just in case you don't want your surname read out on a podcast. But you'll know who you are if you're listening. I've just seen a Facebook page post and it's really funny, which isn't very, I don't normally see stuff like that.

It's from a lady called Angela. It starts, OMG, did you hear about the boy who was, I won't read the rest of it, but it's a funny, funny joke. Okay.

Right. So what other things is there? So I'm distracted now. I'm distracted, doesn't hurt.

So what I thought I'd do is go through some of the people that have been supportive to me over the years. I'd like to say thank you to everybody, really. This is kind of like my acceptance speech for an award that not only was I not nominated for, but doesn't even exist.

But that's okay. Because the main thing is that I'm able to make something up and fill this hour. Okay, let's have a look.

So let me go through the people. I've got 3,912 friends on my normal Facebook page. And the top ones, the ones that come up at the top are the ones that have, from the looks of it, the people I have the most interaction with.

So let's go through the friends on my Facebook. So Jodie, she's actually number one on my friends list, as it kind of shows, under all friends. So Jodie, she's one of my friends in America.

And she's a comedian. Used to be called Comedienne. But now it's just a comic, basically.

She's a stand-up comic in America. And she writes comedy. And yeah, so thank you to Jodie.

It's the first person saying thank you to. And I've known Jodie for a few years now, quite a few years, I think. She's been listening to my recordings and contacted me quite a long time ago.

We've spoken a few times on Skype, not Skype, on Facebook. I'm now distracted by something that's on telly. It's a film called No Sex, We're British.

And it's a 1974 film. And it's got Ronnie Corbett in it. But, and he's holding a book.

Yeah. I was gonna say he's holding a big book, but he's quite little. So it might just be a normal sized book.

But, yeah, I was just distracted by what was on the screen. And now Andre's run over. No matter how much paper I put onto the floor, newspaper, he always has to go right to the edge of the newspaper that's near the carpet.

And offload his worries. That's one word for it. So anyway, the next person is Brooke.

So I'd like to say thank you to Brooke for her support. I haven't known her that long. It's been about a year, maybe over a year now.

And she contacted me to say that my sessions are useful. And she told me that she listened to the one of the recordings I did for Nailbiter and it really helped. So and she's also sent me a donation in the past.

And I've chatted to her as well on Facebook quite a few times. She's been really supportive towards what I'm trying to do. And, well, I'm not sure what I'm trying to do, but sort of a very positive, very positive person.

Right, the next person is called, oh yeah, and Brooke is a Dean of a university. And she deals with asphasia caused by, I think I've got that right, by people that have strokes. So she's very much in the healing profession.

She's also written a book as well. So we've got Juju. And that's the next person.

It's J-U, J-U, that's how it's spelled. And in her picture, she's wearing a hat. And the next person, that's all I've got to say about her.

She's wearing a hat. She's actually an artist. And she lives in Wales.

Brooke lives in America. So Juju lives in Wales. And I got a real thing for the Welsh accent.

It's the only accent that I actually, not the only accent that I like, but it's the only accent that, I wouldn't say gives me tingles, because that was a bit weird. But I think the reason for it is this. When I was a kid, when I was young, there was a television show called Heidi High.

And it was based in a holiday camp, kind of like a butlin's or pontin's. I don't know if everyone knows what that is. But you can Google it, butlin's, pontin's.

So basically, a place where you'd go maybe with your family. And they'd have chalets that you could stay in. And they'd have swimming pools.

And they'd have, not in the chalets, but they'd be like, just everything you needed for a holiday would be there. It's a bit like Disney World, but without the fun. No, that's the wrong way to describe it.

It's a bit like, no, no, Disney World. Do you get to stay at Disney World? Disneyland, do you visit, but Disney World, do you? It's like a, I suppose, like a caravan site, but without the caravans. But, you know, some caravan sites have lots of things to do, like maybe a swimming pool, an arcade, pubs, bars, leisure center, you know, things like that.

So that's what butlin's and pontin's. I don't know if pontin's is still around, but butlin's is. Anyway, there was a lady on this TV program called Heidi High.

And there's quite a few people on the show. It wasn't just her. And there was a bloke who used to walk around in horse gear.

I mean, wasn't dressed as a horse. But as a horse rider, you know, like a jockey. Of course, a jockey is a different name, isn't it, in America? That's like a young man that goes to university.

That's a bit thick, isn't it? Isn't that the name? That what jockey is in America? Someone that's a bit dim. I don't know. I'm just going by what's on the films.

I'm sure they're like jock. That's a jock, isn't it? But then a jock could be Scottish. But I don't know if that's if we can use that word anymore.

Not sure. I haven't used it myself probably ever, actually. But I've seen it, seen it being used when I was younger.

But Butlins, yeah. Heidi High. And there was another man who had a moustache and he used to be the, I think, head of entertainment.

So he'd compare the shows. And then there was his kind of, not understudy, but kind of his assistant, but also used to do lots of stuff. And they'd stay in the same chalet together and have a little cuddle and stuff when the camels were off.

Just basically, they obviously loved each other. But it was the early 80s and they couldn't show that. But they clearly pushed their beds together and lived a happy life.

But they couldn't, because it was very small minded in those days. Marriage wasn't legal for everybody back in the early 80s. But they clearly loved each other.

I don't know how it would work, though, because one having a moustache, wouldn't that tickle? I've been told that beards and moustaches tickle when you kiss someone with them. And I've got a beard. Technically, I've got a beard and a moustache.

Because a beard can be just on your chin, can't it? That's what a beard is, isn't it? A beard. Chin up on your face, your cheeks, up to your sideburns. Yet, if the moustache, if you've still got a moustache as well as the beard, it's just classed as a beard.

Maybe the word full, it's a full beard instead of a partial beard. But I've never heard anyone say the word. Oh, did you see, do you know Bob? Bob, which one is he? Oh, he's the one with the partial beard.

I've never heard anyone say that. And so Heidi High, they also had two dancers, a man and a lady. And they danced and they did ballroom dancing.

And they were very stuck up. The characters were very kind of, they looked down on everyone, which kind of wondered why they'd get a job in Butlins. But they didn't because it was, what was it called? Heidi High.

Maybe it was called Heidi High. Maybe that was a call, the name of the camp. Pinklins.

I bet it was something Ings. And oh, yeah, and there was, what's her name? Who had glasses. They used to wear a hat or a scarf on her head.

She was a cleaner, but she wanted to be a red coat or a blue coat or a green coat, whichever color coat it was. Which, because in Butlins and Pontins, they had, if you became, if you got promoted to be an entertainer, you got given a red coat or a green coat or blue coat or something like that. And that's what she wanted so much.

Now the ballroom dancers had yellow coats, I think. The horsey man had a helmet. He had, he used to walk around with a horse helmet on all the time, which made me think that might have been less to do with a horse and maybe he just had problems and he had to be careful to not bang himself.

I don't know. Maybe his chalet, he had like a really small chalet, but he was slightly taller than the average jockey. So therefore he kept banging his head because instead of being four foot tall, he was four foot two, which meant that he couldn't get through the front door.

And that might be a situation. I don't know. I'll have to ask him next time I see him.

Who else worked there? And the main character, well, for me, there was two main characters really. There was the one that wanted to become a red coat or green coat, whatever. And then there was the Welsh lady who was pretty much in charge of everything.

She was the, she wasn't the big boss, she wasn't the manager, but she was the, like the second in charge. And she kept falling in love with the manager. So there was two managers there while the show was on and she fell in love with both of them.

And one was a bit of a womaniser and the other one was very nervous. So yeah, but she loved them. And anyway, she used to do, they used to have this tannoy system with these speakers all around the camp.

And she used to say, she used to have a little glocking, like a miniature glocking spill, where she's like, ding, ding, ding, ding. And then she'd say, good morning campers. That's my Welsh accent.

And then she'd give like a little, I don't know, update on the weather and what was going to be occurring that day or what was about to start. So maybe, oh, now we're going to have the alligator fight or, you know, whatever it was. And, you know, all the kids would rush up and jump into the swimming pool, you know, with the alligators.

It was just, you know. And she used to say, hi, dee, hi. And everyone else that was outside used to shout, ho, dee, ho.

Very good writing. It was well written. And it was a very, very popular television show, went on for years and years.

And I still watch it now sometimes when it's on, they show like old episodes. They can't show new ones, can they? But yeah, I sometimes watch it. And although I wasn't in love with her at the time, because I was, I don't know, 10 when it was on, I just, I don't like the accent.

I don't remember knowing any other Welsh speakers. It must be something that triggered me to like the accent. I used to go on holiday to Wales when I was a kid as well.

So maybe that's it. Maybe, I don't know, I just like the accent. Just one of those things.

There's no accents that I dislike. There are some accents that I find a little bit difficult to understand sometimes, in the past. But, you know, I think it's not so much the accent as the speed of the talking.

Because even if someone's from the south of England, like me, or the southeast of England, if they talk very quickly, I did notice I just did a little whistle there when I said that, if they talk quick, quickly, I can't always keep track of what's being said. And I think that's partly due to maybe my ears. Because I've had a little bit of problems with my ears since I was born.

One of them anyway. And the... On the paper, Andre. Sorry.

I can't believe it. It's like the tides coming in with him. Seriously, what he does is get closer and closer to my table.

I should go somewhere else. I don't mean like move out, but just... I need to open the window now. So I really like that show.

I ended up going and working in Butlins in 1995 for the winter season. And it's quite a weird situation because I travelled... was it? I lost... Yeah, that's it. I was getting evicted from my home, you know, with a date that I needed to get out.

And so I had nowhere to live. I had no idea what to do. And I went into... I didn't have a job either.

So I went to the job centre, kind of to get a bit of advice, because what am I going to do? And this is in the days when job centres used to actually help you to get jobs. They used to... that's what they did. They, you know, they'd have... I remember years ago there was this little job centre where I lived and they used to have cards in the window.

A bit like... I don't know if other countries have this, but in newsagent windows in England, quite often there's like cards in the window advertising stuff. Maybe a vacuum cleaner for sale. Or maybe a chair.

Or a desk. Sometimes a sofa. And, you know, there's a variety of different objects that could be available or people that might want to sell.

But it's kind of similar to that, but it had jobs. So there'd be, for example, warehouse operative, and the hours and the wage, you know. And kind of a little bit... a little description of the job and what they're looking for.

So if they needed someone who could drive a forklift, as an example, then I guess, you know, I'd look at it and I'd think, well, let me do a little check. Can I drive a forklift? And then I'd remember that, no, I haven't got a driving license. And then I'd think, but do I need a driving license to be able to drive a forklift? And then I'd come back and I'd think, yeah, well, that's besides the point.

It's a case of what can you do? And I can't drive a forklift. I've never tried. But that's the point.

Could I, though? For me, it was the question of asking, can you drive a forklift? And there's lots of things that I can probably do, but I don't realize I can do. You know, I'm sure people that do the splits for the first time perhaps didn't know they could do the splits. You know, you have to... everything has to be done for the first time.

Standing on your head. I mean, it's hard to work your way up to standing on your head. What do you do first? You kneel down first.

You know? I don't know how you would work up to it. Stand on your chest. Stand on your neck.

So, yeah, could I drive a forklift? Didn't say have I. Have you driven a forklift? The answer is, well, no. And I haven't. Emphatically, really, honestly, I haven't done that.

And I don't mind admitting it. But can you? That's the question, isn't it? Maybe I could. I've done lots of things that I didn't think I'd be able to do.

I got a degree. Didn't think I could do that. I got a girlfriend pregnant.

Didn't think I could do that. I mean, at one point, I crossed the road all by myself. I did my own shoelaces up.

I didn't think I could do that. There's lots of things that I could do that I didn't think I could do. But then when I tried to do them and it worked out okay.

And for me, it's a case of just thinking, well, perhaps I could drive a forklift. Then I start thinking, but do I want to? I'm not sure. I'm going back quite a few years.

I was probably 17 or something at the time. So it's over five years ago. And some people say that you're 48.

That's, it's 30 odd years ago. So yes, it's over five years then, isn't it? That really gets people. I love to say that.

Yeah, it was when I was 10. So it's over six years ago. Well, when you're 10, it's 38 years ago, isn't it? Yeah, so over six years.

You should try that. It annoys people. It really does.

So I'm now distracted by what's on television. If you ever watch this film, you'll possibly see parts of it that could distract me. There's a man with a moustache in his dressing gown.

A very unrealistic situation is occurring there. So I won't go into it. It's all gentle fun, but very unrealistic.

And so what else? Oh, there'd be other jobs there as well. Office workers, supermarket assistants, cleaners, you know, a variety of different jobs. And they'd be on the outside and the inside.

So they've been printed on both sides. So when the office, you know, the shop was open, you could go inside and look at the jobs inside. There's more to look at inside because they'd have like a rack, a nice big rack, which you could spin round a bit like, you know, those book racks or DVD racks that they sometimes have in big stores.

And you can turn them around so they could fit lots of different things on them. So I used to enjoy looking at those racks because there's more to choose from. Usually when I was out of the racks, other people kind of left, it's hard to have more than one person looking at the same time.

So I just, yeah. And what else? Can't remember how I started talking about a job centre. Oh yeah.

So the job centre I went to in 1995, it probably wasn't quite the same as that. It changed a little bit, but not that much because it had been maybe eight years before that I'm describing. So a huge amount hadn't changed.

It hadn't gone all electronic or, you know, internet-y as it is now. And I went in there. In the past, there was occasionally recruitment people.

In my memory, it was more like armed forces recruitment. So you'd go in there and there'd be a man in an army uniform or a naval uniform, and they'd be trying to recruit people that needed jobs. And I didn't, I don't know, no, I didn't get involved in any of that.

Although I did take, I actually, I did apply to join the army when I was 16, and I did apply to join the navy when I was 19. And I applied to join the marines when I was 23. And so I'll tell you about the marines.

I was with Andre, the original Andre, my Irish friend, who was my best friend at the time. And that's who Andre is named after. Anyway, we were walking down Leighton High Road, I think it was, and it was a summer's day.

And we were just skipping hand in hand, you know how you do. And for some reason, he stopped. And I said, what are you doing, lover? And he said, don't call me lover in public.

I said, okay. He said, why? I said, what are you doing? He said, oh, look. I said, look at what? And he said, look at that.

And I looked, because it seemed rude not to. And I figured that was the easiest way to end the conversation as quickly as possible, if I went along with it. So I said, okay, then.

Oh, here we go. Here's another, a moth on the pavement that I've got to look at. But it wasn't, it wasn't a moth.

It was, it was a sign saying, saying, raw marines apply within. Now, I didn't think it'd be that difficult, I didn't think it would be that easy, because I don't know why, just the remains, the marines always seem to be quite prestige. And I thought they'd be, I don't know, I thought it's, I didn't think they'd be sort of advertising in that way.

It was, it's very similar to like just a local shop, you know, staff needed. I thought, oh, anyway, he wanted to go in. And I thought, well, I don't want to stay out here on my own.

So I went in with him. For a laugh, really. It wasn't a laugh at all.

But if you go into a place like that, it's serious business. They're not there to mess around, which I found out quite, quite quickly after I started being silly. And they locked me in a cell.

No, they didn't. And my friend Andrei said, I can't remember what he said, he spoke too quickly, I could never really understand what he was talking about. That's why I think we were friends for so long, neither of us could understand each other.

And he basically, you know, the bloke that was in there said, yeah, we were recruiting, but you have to do a physical exercise test now. And then you can come back and have a written test. And then you go away for a weekend or do another like weekend physical thing.

And then then you sign up and you go into training for however many months. So I said, and Andrei said, so he was really excited. So they had this bar, not like bar for drinking, a bar, like a pull-up bar exercise thing.

And so they asked us to do press-ups, sit-ups, and then pull-ups. And Andrei did more than me, the pull-ups. Now, admittedly, I wasn't prepared to have a physical test.

You know, I was slim, I was fairly fit, and but I wasn't kind of prepared to be doing push, no, pull-ups. And he used to like doing pull-ups. It was one of his things that he enjoyed doing.

He'd actually go to the park, to the children's park, children's play area, you know, and they do pull-ups just to show off. But because he was so little, I think a lot of the parents just figured he was another kid. He was the same size as me, I can't believe it.

He just, you ever meet someone and they just look little, but they're not? So he was 5'8", and I'm 5'8". He just, and he was, he was muscly, you know, he just looked, he walked a little bit like Popeye. You know Popeye, like the cartoon, his big arms, and his like shoulders and shape, you know.

He walked like that, but he was short, like me. He just looked, I don't know, he looked funny. And so after doing these tests, the, the man in charge, I think he'd been eating a sandwich because he had, had a bit of cheese sticking out of his beard.

He said, okay, Andre. It was like one of those talent shows, you're just lining up and like waiting to know who's going to get through. He said, Andre, you were fine, you passed everything, you can come back and do the written exam, if you want to do that.

And they said, Stephen, because I was not giving my real name, no way. He said, you can, you can get out of here. He said, you need to just spend a couple of weeks getting a little bit fitter, so you can then come back and do the pull-ups again.

You could see that I was naturally incredibly strong, but I'd clearly left my strength at home that day. So he saw, you know, clearly he must, he figured that I must have muscles somewhere, but he wasn't sure where. So I did realize that most of my muscles were in my brain.

That's why I'm so damn clever. Yeah, right. The thing is, I actually think that I would have equaled, or if not done better in the written test than Andre.

But again, probably not, I don't know. But you know what? Andre didn't want to go in without me. That's quite sweet, isn't it? And I was never going to go back to, you know, to have to retake the pull-up test.

And Andre didn't want to, didn't want to continue without me doing it. Plus, he, he told his sister about wanting to join the Marines. I don't know if this was connected at all, but within about, I'd say at least 25 hours, his mum and family were on the doorstep, come from Ireland, because I think they were worried about him.

They didn't want him to join the Marines and go to war. So, I mean, technically he would have been quite good as an undercover spy, dress him up as a schoolboy. I say that was my suggestion, but his mum didn't agree.

So, nothing happened there. We didn't go. But I did end up moving to Ireland with Andre.

Well, he went first, and then I followed, and I stayed at his parents'. And, but before that, when I was 16, I worked in a chip shop. And the idea of going out to, going to war in another country didn't seem too bad.

It was like anything to escape the smell of frying fish and chips. So, I applied, I did the physical, got through that. I did the medical, got through that, you know, did, so everything was fine.

I did the written test, got through that. And they gave me a date where I was going to go to, for the weekend, to have a weekend of training, of tests to make sure that I was physically, you know, able to join. Like, it's a, the weekend is like some kind of really intensive thing.

Well, I chickened out, and I didn't go. Which, considering I'm a pacifist, it's probably quite a good idea. And, yeah, I didn't go, but it's still a little bit of me thinking, oh, it could have been an opportunity to, I could have, you know, I could have, I might have met someone, you know, I might have met a nice lady while I was on leave, could have gone AWOL, you know, just all that kind of things that I missed out on.

But, maybe made some really good friends, you know, lifelong friends. But, in retrospect, with my bipolar, with my mental, I don't, I'm not laughing at bipolar, but just the idea of having the mental health issues that I've had without going to war. Imagine what I'd have been like if I'd have gone into that.

Because, yeah, so probably it was a good idea that I didn't. But, I didn't learn from that, because in 2000, no, in 1990, 1980, 89, 1989, and this would have been probably October of 1989, I said, I went to the Navy office, the Naval, and I said, excuse me, I went, would, you know, I'm interested in joining the Navy. And that was a much shorter conversation than the Army one, because, you know, I was in and out of the Army place, probably about 10 times, sort of doing various different things.

And, because I got to know the bloke quite well, and we kept quite friendly, actually. But, the, you know, I ended up not going in. But, with the Navy one, I went in there, I said, I'm interested in joining the Navy.

Am I too old? And he said, how old are you? And I said, I'm 19, just turned 19. He said, no, it's fine. And he said, he said, I just got to warn you something, warn you about something.

I said, what's that? He said, well, we're going to be, we're going to be in Iraq soon. And we're going to be at war. I said, what? He said, yeah, we're going to be at war soon in Iraq.

I said, why is that not in the papers? He said, oh, he didn't know what to say, I don't think. So I said, no, you're right then. Because my brother was in the Navy.

And I think that's probably why I kind of maybe wanted to, not following in his footsteps, but just thought it might be a good way to build a life, you know, some kind of a life. But the idea of going to war, no, it was 1990, not 89, it was 1990. So I was 20.

So 1990, about October. And I pretty much, yeah, so, and he said, oh, yeah, we're going to war with Iraq, I thought. And he was like, looking, I think he gets, got something out of his, I just imagine this what happened after he said it to me.

He probably looked down, got something out of his desk drawer, and then looked up and said, hello. Richard, where are you? Where are you? Because I disappeared. As soon as he said that, I just like was gone.

And of course, I didn't give him my real name. Which is weird, because in the January or February that year, that the following year, 1991, is when, you know, America and England and different places went to Iraq. So they knew a long time in advance.

There you go. And so I never did join any of the armed forces. But I did go through some of the process of it.

But I think it's, I don't know, it's part of me thinks, oh, it might be all right. But I've met a lot, well not a lot, but I've met quite a few ex-forces that are kind of my age. And even in the past, it's, you know, if you live in a, in such a structured environment with all your friends for like 10 years or something, and then suddenly you're back in Civvy Street, it can be, regardless of what's happened, it can be, it can be a little bit difficult, you know, to sort of, it's, I suppose if you're used to walking around with a big jelly on a plate balanced on your head, and then suddenly they replaced the jelly with custard, it's kind of, oh, okay, now it's, it's a little bit of a different situation.

Great analogy. So I was in this job centre and there was no one, it wasn't like an armed forces, you know, trying to get people to join. But there was a holiday camp, a person wanting to get lots of people to go and work at Butlins.

All over the country. There's quite a few different Butlins. One in Wales, one in, I don't know, different parts.

Anyway, I had nothing else. So what I did is I applied. And they said yes there and then.

I had a job interview and they gave me a job as a bar worker, working in a bar. And I was able to stay unemployed at the same time. And they just gave us an extra £10 a week or something.

And so it's kind of some kind of scheme that was put together with the job centre and Butlins. And I wasn't there long. I was there for four or five weeks.

But it was a very, very interesting experience. Very interesting. And there was one point, I made quite a few friends actually.

And it was one situation. I used to get into the karaoke and sing. And it was quite weird.

One day, there was a group of people. Someone asked me, would you want to be a red coat or green coat or blue coat or yellow coat, whatever the entertainment coat is. And I said, yeah, but I don't know.

Maybe one day if I could. And they said, well, don't you apply? I said, no. And they said, go on.

I said, no. And they forced me. They physically lifted me up.

So it was really about eight or nine people. I'm not joking. They lifted me above their heads and carried me into the office, the entertainment management office or whatever it was.

And they said, we think our friend should be in entertainment. We think Adrian should be a red coat because he's a great entertainer. And the lady said, who's Adrian? That's everyone pointing to me.

Of course, I wasn't sure because sometimes I forget what false names I give people. And I think it was like one person said, I thought he was Ted. So I said, shh, shh, don't tell everyone.

I'm Ted for you, but no one else. Just call me Teddy. And the lady or the man that was one of them that was behind the counter of things saying, well, we're not actually recruiting at the moment.

The next recruitment won't be till before spring, probably March, April time, probably March time. And that was fine. We all, you know, it's like, okay, cool.

So we went back down, went to the bar, had a few drinks, spent probably for the next four hours. It was so I was on such a high actually, because I felt like, I don't know, it's a special feeling. It was a really lovely feeling that these people actually believed in me, believed that I was potentially good at something.

You know, admittedly, it wasn't forklift driving, which is what I would have preferred. But you know, go with what is available. And, you know, even though it didn't work out, it was still a lovely, I don't know, it was quite a special thing.

I forgot all about it until just now. I might be making it up, but I'm pretty sure it's true. And so we spent the next probably three or four hours drinking and just chatting and stuff.

And I remember I said, guys, I need to go to the toilet. And they were like, just ignored me. I said, listen, I need to go to the toilet.

You know, because I said, yeah, why? And someone shouted out, yeah, why? Yeah, so I said, I need you to let me down. I need you to put me down. I need to go to the toilet.

So they all like put me down back onto the floor. And I went to the toilet. End of act.

That was the end of that bit of interesting story. And there was, you know, I kind of would have loved to have stayed there. But, you know, I was moody.

I was moody back then. Didn't know what it was, just moods. So I left, came back to London and again had nowhere to live, but found somewhere.

And then I became a security guard. But my time at Butlins, I'll never forget it. Well, I've forgotten a bit of it probably.

It was a very, very unusual situation. It's an experience that nothing comes close to, nothing that I've experienced before comes close to that. And in any other situation, nothing, it's just very, everything's so, everything's there, you know, everything, you do everything together, you eat together, you sleep together, but you'd like to share a room, I'd share a room with one person.

Although I think most people, I got through a few people because I think it was my snoring, people like to move out quite quickly, which is good. So I got the room to myself. And it was just, I can't go into details really, but there's lots of very unusual things happening.

It's, but at the same time, it's, yeah, I wouldn't, I don't know if I'd change it. I mean, that winter was really warm. Up to the end of the year, I was walking around in a little jacket that I'd got in Ireland.

And I was, all the way in December, I was walking around in a little jacket, maybe a jumper, but a little jacket, wasn't wrapped up, didn't have gloves on, no skis, no hat. I didn't even have a beard back then, I used to shave, did I used to shave? No, I think I did. I'm not saying as if, oh, did I shave yet? No, no, I was shaving, I was old enough, been shaving since I was 22, I think.

Not just my face. No, I do, I've shaved my chest in the past. Just, just thought I'd let you know that.

You know what's really weird about shaving your chest? Obviously, I'm sure not everybody that's listening to this has done this. But it's something strange, because the chest and other areas other than the face are different from the face. Being a facial hairy person is, when I've shaved my chest, the hair comes back, but it stops at a certain length.

It stops growing, it just stays at that length, because if it didn't, can you imagine what would happen? Just thinking about it, if the body hair grew the way a beard grows, and we never shaved, even the slimmest people would have to wear XXXXXXL tops just to fit all the hair in. Everyone would be just huge, or look huge, because of all that hair. So I guess maybe that's why, because I've got a hairy chest.

It's hairy, but it's not, it's not Magnum PI hairy. It's not Buck Rogers hairy. Those of you that know those references will know what I mean.

It's not that level of hairiness. And I'm actually ginger. I'm a ginger puby person.

So like, in my beard, I had ginger hairs in my beard. It's not all ginger, I've got dark brown hair, but I've also got ginger in my beard, and also on my chest, and further down in places where no one dare go, dare go, dare go, dare go. And I'll just call it the smelly place.

But my ginger beard parts turned grey first. So I'm not saying that all the grey hairs that I've got on my head or in my beard were ginger to start with, but a lot of them were. And I haven't got a big grey beard.

I've got grey hairs in my beard, more at the bottom, like the chin, kind of the middle of the sides of the chin area. And I've probably got some grey hairs on my chest, but I'll be honest with you, I don't spend a lot of time topless looking in the mirror. You know, I'm trying to keep positive.

That won't help me if I spend a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror. I have to look in the mirror if I want to see any of the other hairs, because my belly gets in the way, I can't see anything. The only time I can see my feet is if I actually walk.

Like when I'm standing still, I don't even know if I've got feet. That's okay. So I was at Butlin's, and it was a really good experience.

It was an emotional experience. I'll quickly go through a couple of other people before I end, because again, I've gone over time. Bex.

Say thank you to Bex for following me. I've chatted to her as well a couple of times. She's a lovely lady.

Cassie, another person that I've spoken to online, and she's benefited from one of my recordings. And I actually did it, if I remember, I actually did it for her. She asked for a recording, and I did one.

If I'm right, I might be wrong there. I do often lie. But I think I made that recording just especially for her, and it worked.

This was about eight, seven or eight years ago, I think. Ashley from Liverpool, I think. And so she's, just say hi to her.

I've spoken to her a couple of times, not lately. But she's another lovely person that follows me on Facebook. And I'm not sure, she used to listen to my stuff.

I don't know. I'm not sure who listens, like regularly or daily. And I've got John.

He's been following me for years on YouTube, as well as, you know, Facebook and stuff. Because YouTube used to be my main place that I was at, you know, for a long time. Now it's kind of more of podcasts.

So a big hello to Ed Edini, drawn. I say his full name because he's a fellow online hypnotist. And he's also a magician as well.

So he does lots of very popular videos on his YouTube channel, which is way, way, way more popular than even my most popular YouTube channel from years ago. It's got millions of views. And he does hypnosis videos as well as magic videos as well.

So check him out, Edini, E-D-D-I-N-I. I've actually got an interview I did with him on New Year's Eve. It's on YouTube.

Say hello to Angela, Leticia or Letty. She's another friend that I've known since 2010. Or 2000.

Yeah, 2009, maybe, actually. Wow. Or 2010, one of them.

It's a long time anyway, nearly 10 years. Letty in America, she lives near Mexico. So on the border of Mexico, I can't remember the El Paso, I think.

We've got Fiona. Fiona, she's got about a million different names. Percy, I like to call her, Percy.

So hello to Percy and your husband. Thank you for your support and kind words that you've said in the past. There's Ella.

There's Beth Marie. Hi, Beth Marie. And Alex William Smith, who's one of my trainers, my hypnosis trainers.

I did training with him in 1995, 1996 time. And there's Trevor Andrew Viddemore. So check out Trevor Viddemore, V-I-D-A-M-O-U-R, because he's written two really great books.

So check them out. It's worth going onto Amazon and checking them out. And there's so many different people I could just say hello to.

There's Claire, Sheila, Amy Lorraine, Janica, Natty, Eric Schmumpkin. There's Kadihan. Kadihan, I'm sorry if I pronounced it incorrectly.

Sherry, Julie, Linda, Sheila, Rachel from Canterbury. That's another one of my friends that I've spoken to online when I've done my live sessions. And she's been following me for years and years as well.

And we've got Diane, we've got Laurie, Rick, Sue, Irene. Hi, Irene. And there's Carrie, Carrie Joanne.

Very funny posts. Very, very funny posts. Also two of my, two of the funniest posters that do really funny posts.

Juju, who I mentioned earlier, and Carrie Joanne. They just, yeah, their posts make me laugh. You got Mickey Smith.

Oh, Mickey, sorry, I'm trying not to say people's surnames. Joyce, Jania, Nicole, Alexandra, Laurie, Loretta, Katie, Cher, Gemma. You've got Sarah S. There's a lovely picture there.

There's quite a few different ones. Matthew, Matthew W. That's a surname that starts with W. So Matthew. Hi, Matthew.

You sent me a message recently. Thanks for your kind words. Adam W. Another W. Surname beginning with W. Adam, who's been following me for quite a few years as well.

So yeah, thanks for everyone. I can't go for everybody because I'm going to have to bring this to an end because it's now getting late. But Angela Larson.

I'm going to use her surname because she's one of my oldest, not age wise, but one of my longest followers who's been following me a long, long time. Long time. We're talking a long time, over 10 years.

And she once took me on holiday with her. She had me on a podcast and made a video. And that's really cool.

And there's so many other people on here. Go, there's someone here. Goalie.

So who's, who's that? I probably can, it sounds like an Irish name. Lives in Maryland. Oh, I don't know.

I was just looking, it's spotty, it's WWE. Oh, okay. Sometimes I see pictures of people and I think, oh, I recognize that person.

So there's a picture of her. All right. Anyway, so that's kind of it.

Perhaps tomorrow, I'll say thank you to everybody that's on my Let Me Buoy To Sleep podcast. The Facebook page, which is just basically if you just go on letmebuoytosleep.com, if you go to Let Me Buoy To Sleep, click, just write that into Facebook. And the Facebook page should come up.

The letmebuoytosleep.com website may be down because I've not been able to pay the monthly fee yet for that. But I'm not sure what to do about that yet. But it might be down.

I, well, it might be down until it's paid, if I pay it. So that's all for today. Hopefully, I bored you.

I had a message earlier from, who was it that sent me a message? Somebody. So it's a special message to Jim Alice. Jim Alice's mum.

It's a message sent from her, but saying, the message basically, last night I introduced my mum to your Let Me Buoy To Sleep podcast on Spotify. She said she found your voice very soothing, and something she thought that would help her to fall asleep. So she was listening while in bed, but was still awake at 3am, because she found you so funny.

Not to worry though, she said she'll still listen during the day instead. And well, to Gemma's mum, hopefully, well, thank you for listening. Hopefully I've been able to be a bit more boring today.

So thanks for listening and I shall see you tomorrow. Bye bye bye.