#159 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (3rd June 2019)

Hello and welcome to LetMeBoreYouToSleep.com My name is Jason Newland and this is my laptop making some weird noise. And yeah, this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep and please let me listen, and you can safely close your eyes. So I'm sitting here at my desk.

It's really a table, but what is a desk? It's a flat surface, isn't it really? That's because anything can really be a desk. So this is my desk. So it's not anything.

I mean, the wing of a plane is probably quite flat. That wouldn't make a very good desk. But you know, I'm just saying generally.

Some roof's quite flat. Again, that's not a good desk. But you know, I'm just saying technically, the wall's quite flat as well.

But then I'd need to defy gravity. I just haven't got the time to figure that one out. Unfortunately, I don't think Einstein, it wasn't that he was particularly brainy.

He just had a lot of time on his hands. That's what I think. He just didn't have a lot else to do but think about stuff like gravity and atoms and, you know, time travel or whatever else he used to.

Some people focus on making muffins. He focused on making atomic bombs. But he didn't focus on that.

But you know, thanks to him. We have nuclear missiles. But yeah, he's a what a legend.

So let's have a look. What I was thinking of doing today is having a little bit of a thank you session. So just to say thank you to a few people.

Although I've kind of already done it on Facebook and Twitter. I thought I'd kind of do it verbally as well. I had a bit of a cough the last few days.

Which is kind of put me off making recordings. Although I can edit it out. And I can also press the pause button as well.

Whilst I'm recording. Which is what I just did just then. I didn't need to tell you that.

So yeah, I'm just gonna I'm gonna sort of say thank you to some people and it will be boring. To those that I'm not saying thank you to especially. You know, I used to have this friend at college or university.

And a group of us used to meet up. A group of like, you know, fellow students. And this one person, she'd actually come in, met up in the pub.

She'd come in and she'd give a present to one of the other people in the group. In front of everybody else. But no presents for anybody else.

And it wasn't their birthday or anything like that. It was just, I mean, the other person is not there. Might have been their birthday, but they didn't mention it.

But I was like, wait a minute. There's something unusual about that. I felt, I felt unusual to give somebody a present in front of others.

While there's four or five other people there. And you just give the present to just one person. Maybe it was their birthday.

Maybe. Oh, wait a minute. No, it's the other way around.

Only one person didn't give a present to that person. And it was me. No, I don't know what it is, but I don't really like giving things to people.

So I saw my niece the other day. My family came up. Well, the people I'm related to came up.

Some of them, not all of them, came to my town to go to the zoo. And some of them decided to come and see me as they were in the town. And I sort of just had a cup of tea or whatever it was they had.

I had a bottle of Coke, so I didn't take much notice of what anyone else had to drink because it didn't affect my life. But I gave my niece £10. So I gave my dad a bottle of whiskey for his birthday that I'd missed in a few months back.

I didn't get to see him. And then I gave my niece a £10 note. And she took it and put it in a, not a pram, not a wallet, what was it, a purse or I don't know, whatever she had where she collects money.

And I said, oh, what did I say? I said, sorry, I didn't buy you a card because you can't buy stuff with cards, can you? You know, like a birthday card. And I was told, well, yeah, you did buy her a card. Apparently I sent it a couple of months ago.

I don't recall doing that. So I must have done it on Moonpig or one of the internet card sellers. I don't even remember doing it.

I wonder if I've got no money, if I'm wasting it sending cards to people. But anyway, I had no intention of giving her a card. And apparently all he had said, I'd known that I didn't have to give her any money.

But anyway, it's too late then. Can't ask for it back. And then I started asking her questions.

I just saw, you know, how you doing? What are you up to? Yeah. I said, well, don't talk to me. She said, I'm shy.

So, okay. And then her grandparents were saying, yeah, she's shy. Okay.

Well, I wanted to ask my money back because at least you can do for £10, talk to me for a minute. You know, is that too much to ask? Just to look in my general direction. But yeah, she wasn't, didn't want to talk.

And you might say, yeah, but she's only two years old, Jason. She's not actually, she's 11. So I suppose it must be weird though for 11 year olds like kids to have a conversation with an adult because it's a very different, like an adult they don't really know.

I suppose it's because she doesn't know me. She's seen me once a year maybe if that. So actually I'm kind of just a stranger really to her on this bloke that she's seen a few times.

So I suppose, yeah, I shouldn't really take it personally. It's not so much I want my money back. I just, I'd like to have the £10 back and then give her less.

You know, maybe £4. I think the conversation was probably worth about £2.20 that I had. And yeah, this didn't really, yeah, I probably have more, felt more connected to the waitress or the waiter that was serving sandwiches.

But anyway, that's the thing. So my little advice is if you've got a nephew or niece, they need to see you more regularly than once a year. Otherwise you're just a stranger to them.

You know, when she was little, I mean little, she's still little, but when she was little and she couldn't talk or anything, I thought, well, I'll wait till she can talk. Then we'll be able to get on because I'm a verbal person. And, you know, it's not really much to do with them, is there, when they're little, when they're kids, just babies that just lay there and look cute.

But that's, you know, and then I always feel jealous that they can just sit there at the toilet. You know, they can just do everything where they're sitting and it just doesn't seem fair. Never have to wash their hands, do they, babies? Never have to say sorry.

Don't have to go out to work. Don't have to go shopping. Yeah.

But I thought it'd be good, you know, when she got older, I thought maybe she gets to, I leave it, I thought I'd leave it 10 years. I thought, you know, I'll just let it get older. And then when she's able to verbalize, I can never really remember what age the kids can talk.

I don't know if what year it is. I think it's, I kind of figure out 10, but apparently it's a bit younger than that. And so I just, I thought I'd leave it.

And then when she was older, we could get on really well because I have a laugh, you know, but no, she's, she's shy, which is just, so I'm guessing that's been taught. She's learned that. And it's, now it's just, it's more of a shame for me really, because I was looking forward to like having a laugh with her because kids are really funny.

But she's, maybe it was just the case of stranger danger, which I didn't really expect. But, you know, just maybe it's because I got a beard. Maybe it's because I'm aging.

And every time she sees me, I perhaps look a little bit older and she doesn't remember, doesn't know who I am. It's like, you look similar to that bloke that I saw last year, but you've got more gray hairs now. Why have you got a beard now? I'm sure your belly wasn't that big last time.

So yeah, it's, another thing over the years, I've bought her presents. I bought her some quite nice little presents actually. But they get sent, I send them to my dad's house so that he can give them to her because I don't get that up there to see her.

And they just get left there. So she never, she never took any of my presents actually home to her own house where she lives. So I suppose I'm just a, like a little gift shop.

And, you know, things, if you've got stuff like toys that you play with at your grandparents' house, there's less attachment to them than you would have if you had them in your bedroom and they were there and you see them every day. And I started off saying I was going to say thank you, but I just turned up just moaning. I'm not moaning.

I'm just, just chatting, you know what I mean? So the point of this is for me to be boring. And I generally do do that. I think I, I tick the boring box every single time.

And whether I'm talking about ice cream or not getting value for money or whatever it is, you know, I'm not saying that when you give a you should receive something back in return because it's a gift, isn't it? But just a, I don't know, a smile, maybe just a acknowledgement of your existence. Just, just general little thing. Maybe I'm fussy.

Maybe I'm fussy. Maybe I'm exaggerating. Could be exaggerating.

I do like to exaggerate, especially in these recordings. I exaggerate. I don't even have a niece.

So there you go. So what I wanted to do, my lovely followers and fans, the people out there listening that just love me so much. I just can't get enough of my silky, pointless voice.

So letmeboytosleep.com is the website for this podcast. Now, I have been working on it for the last, well, for a while, but I've been working especially on that podcast for the last week or so trying to make it a bit more homey, somewhere that maybe is quite nice to visit. So I was gonna say it's the equivalent of me having a bath, but it's not, is it? That would mean that but just, see, when I have a bath, I feel a bit more comfortable.

It's a bit nicer, a bit, my home feels, well, it's less smelly. So, you know, it's kind of, it's a bit more comfortable. Now some people actually say comfortable like that, comfortable.

It's like some parts, some places they call films, film, film. Of course, I'm not going to go into the old, the difference, the way English and Americans pronounce specific words, like aluminium, aluminum. It's, someone said to me the other day, and they pronounced it, but in the American way, which I say in an American way, it might be Canadian, Canadian as well, and it might, other parts of the world also might pronounce those words wrongly.

And I think, what other words are there? Root. So, you know, route. That's, technically, it's how it's spelt, route.

Root, you could say it's R-O-O-T, but there's a lot of words that are spelt, that sound the same, but are spelt differently, and they mean different things, which I think is a bit silly. It's very miscommunication-y, I do believe. It's a very famous case in England.

I won't go into sort of details of why it's famous, but there is these two, there's like a, it was in the 60s, 1960s, so I don't think it's too soon to mention it. And there was a bobby, that's a policeman, in them days they were called bobbies, and they used to have little whistles and stuff, little truncheons, and was it Robin Williams said, isn't it, the difference in Americans and English police, is it, you know, in America you've got guns, in England we've got no guns, so the police shout out, stop, or I'll say stop again. That is the great Robin Williams, said that in one of his stand-up shows.

Stop, or I'll say stop again. I'm getting these messages from YouTube, um, so people are listening to me and they're leaving comments about the, what I've said during the recordings, and I don't remember anything that I've said ever, because once I've said it, it's gone. And you may, you know, saw my comment, you shouldn't want gifts, you should visit your niece more often, me, me, me, me, me.

And I'll be thinking, but I don't have a niece, what, what were you talking about? So yeah, that's another thing, because I lie, and make up stuff, and exaggerate, and you know, it's, it's a mixture between truth and lies, very much like life. And so yeah, it's kind of, I don't always remember what I've said, um, because what I say is kind of meaningless to me. It's just a bunch of words in order to bore you to sleep.

And so yeah, I get these messages come through. Anyway, the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast, uh, website, letmeboreyoutosleep.com is, I started putting on links, so you can go to different podcast hosts that host it, because I figure out, everybody's got their own place they like to go to listen to stuff. Some people, and I noticed this over time, people have said to me, said, why have you done that? Uh, you know, when I took videos off YouTube, and, and they said, I only like to listen on YouTube.

I don't want to listen to a podcast. That's what I hear, but I'm sure they're saying other words as well. And so with the podcasts, you know, it's, it's, you know, I can't, I can't please everybody.

And I kind of think it, you know, in this way is, I've never pleased a woman in my life, in any relationships, or why should I expect to please people from in a distance in other countries via the internet? I can't, you know, I mean, not everyone's gonna be 100% pleased with every single atomic, atomic, every atom of what I do. But that's okay. Because for me, this is about, it's more to what I do than what it seems that I'm doing.

But that's okay. Because I've got this little agenda. And you shouldn't, I shouldn't really tell you what it is.

It's not a bad thing. It's a really, it's a really healthy thing. And but I'm a little bit vague with it in some ways.

In other ways, I'm really obvious with in some of the other podcasts. And part of what I do is, with these recordings, is I figure, if you listen regularly, maybe every day, over a period of time, so it's a very vague sentence, a period of time, what do you mean, like seven minutes, or 45 years? 45 years, of course. I expect you to be listening to this way past my extinction.

I want you to be listening to this into old age. And I don't really, well, it's up to you. But there are benefits to be had that are not so obvious.

There's a, I think we kind of, as human beings, we're very, very, very tight. There's a very tightness in the mind. Everything seems to be, it seems like thoughts, beliefs, prejudices, limited thinking, you know, that kind of, that good stuff, seems to be stuck.

But it's not stuck with superglue. It feels like it is, maybe. And if when you actually examine it, you know, that idea of, this is what I believe, and nothing's going to change that.

Because they're starting up a little moped. That's my impression of a, well, pretty much any kind of vehicle, apart from a milk float. You know, I used to believe that you didn't have to have a driving license to drive a milk float.

Those that don't know what a milk float is, I pity you. It's what milk, milk people, they used to be called milkmen in the old days. And just like a lot of job titles used to have the word man attached to it, postman, gasman, what other ones used to have man, electrician man, postman, I've done that already, deliveryman.

I'm trying to think, I'm really intrigued now. And it'd be so easy to go online to Google, you know, because it's right in front of me, not Google, but the, you know, the internet access point, which is the web, the laptop. But it's not that important.

So gasman, postman, milkman, yardsman, and what other, factory worker, man. No, so that's, that's, that's not, that was a very non-sex, isn't it, sexist. I remember years ago, I was being a bit rude to someone.

Well, it's just not being rude to them, but in front of them. And this person said, you're sexist. And I said, you're not bad yourself.

I was very pleased with myself at the time. I said something the other day that I was quite pleased with. What was it? I can tell you what it was.

If I can remember, it was mildly profound. And I remember at the time saying it and then saying, well, I'm pleased with that. Yeah, I have to remember that.

I'll use that again. I think it might have spoiled the moment though. But that's okay.

That was something. It will come to me. If it comes to me during this recording, I will let you know.

But if it doesn't, then what I do is afterwards, I'll just phone in each individual person and let you know by phone. So what I'm going to do is what I was planning to do originally is say thank you to people. But on the website, theletanyboytosleep.com, if you go there, it's not because I particularly want you to go to the website, because why would I want that after spending all that time working on it? Why do I want visitors? I've actually put a gallery of Andre, a gallery of Andre's pictures.

So I've got quite a few pictures of him, but I put probably the best, best ones, because not all the ones are clear. And some of them are kind of very samey, because a lot of his pictures are just him being asleep, because that's when he looks cutest. And also when he's awake, he moves around.

He's a wiggler or a wriggler, wriggler, wriggler. He moves around a lot, basically. He's a bit hyperactive, which I think he wears himself out and then he goes to sleep.

He's pretty much like a toddler, like a child. He runs around in circles, like a child who's just had some, I don't know, a half a glass of Coca-Cola or something. He runs around in circles and then just falls down and then they're asleep.

Imagine if that worked. He wouldn't need me. This would no point me doing this.

It'd just be a one episode podcast, wouldn't it? Well, now all you need to do is just get yourself a glass. That's a good boy. And get yourself a nice can of Coke or bottle, doesn't matter.

But of course, cans taste a lot better than they do out of the bottle, or out of the plastic bottles anyway. The glass bottles are different, but the plastic bottles don't taste the same. What do you mean they don't taste the same? So it's not valid.

That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about you getting some sleep. Yeah, but you keep talking about plastic bottles.

No, just stop. It's not that important. But what's the difference from that? It's all the same.

Things aren't all the same. I had a friend like that. He said, we lived in London and I think he was born without any taste buds.

Because he'd order pizza from the kebab shop. The best place to go to get a kebab is a kebab shop. I'll put my hands up to that.

There's no point putting your hands up. You won't even know if I'm even doing it, but I am. I'm waving my hands around.

The best place to go to a kebab shop is a kebab. To get a kebab is a kebab shop. However, I'm not, I am generalizing, but actually I'm not going to generalize.

I'm just going to be specific to this actual kebab shop where my friend would get a pizza. It wasn't top class. And you know, I like kebabs and I like pizzas.

Although I hadn't had a kebab probably for about 10 years. But you know, I used to like kebabs and pizzas. I don't want my kebab to taste like a kebab.

So it was soggy. You know, if I want to eat something that tastes disgusting, which is inedible, and I actually feel ill looking at it, then I will just cook for myself. You know, the whole point of paying somebody else.

That's the thing. That's what I mean about you pay someone, you get something for it. You know, if I give 10 pounds to a fast food place, I get food to eat and I, you know, go take home and they say thank you and they look at me and, you know.

But yeah, I should let that go. So yeah, there was a whole, I'd say to him, let's get the pizza from Domino's or from the Pizza Hut. Or at that time, there was a pizza place that was, it was kind of like a Domino's for people on unemployment benefit.

It was like a really kind of a lower class, not lower class. That sounds very judgmental, doesn't it? But I was on benefit, so I'm just judging myself really. But it was a lower level pizza place, but it was cheaper.

And I used to like their pizzas, actually, because there's one opposite where I lived. And when I see that something's half the price, because where I lived, there was actually a Domino's pizza and a Pizza Go-Go, that's the Domino's. For the sake of this story, the health of the business doesn't really come into it.

I mean, I wish them well and everything, but whether they're, the business closed or they're still thriving, they're now sitting on a yacht, drinking coke out of a plastic bottle, makes no difference to the story. It's not really a story, but it's an anecdote, isn't it? Is that an anecdote? Is that the right word? It's a telling of something that's incredibly important. That's it.

Anyway, and I said to my friend, because we were sitting down, it was a Sunday afternoon, because I used to, yeah, I used to work nights and I wasn't working at the time. So I used to visit him on Sundays. That's pretty much the time I'd see him.

So I'd visit him on a Sunday afternoon and we'd just hang out for a few hours, maybe to the evening. Sometimes I'd be there all night until the next Monday, Monday morning. And, you know, the thing is, because he'd go to bed and I knew where he hid all the naughty videos.

But I'm joking, I'm joking. He didn't bother hiding them. Plus, they weren't his.

So, what was that, a rucksack full of... No, I didn't, I didn't. And, right, I just got everything, my kebabs, kebabs, pizzas. So he said, oh, let's get a pizza.

I said, good, it's a good idea. And he said, well, I'll go and get them. I thought, ooh.

So I'm sitting in a chair, because we used to live together, not together, together as in husband and husband. But I lived, I had a room and he had a room. And we'd just meet in the hallway and have a little kiss sometimes, a bit other than that.

It's share baths together. You know, just normal stuff that friends do. And, you know, I'd say, breakfast in bed.

And he'd say, and I'd hold a tray and he said, there's nothing on the tray. I said, he said to us, there's nothing to it, there's nothing on the tray. What kind of tree is that? And I'd say, I'm the tree.

And I'd jump in the bed and he'd say, you know, he'd say, can you get out of the bed, please? You're disturbing my girlfriend. Just trying to sleep. Okay.

We need to talk about this, this kind of weird behaviour. I think you need to move out. Okay.

So yeah, so I moved out in the end, but I still visited because I can't take a hint. So I was sitting there in a chair, and he was sitting on the settee. And that chair, even though I left it in the flat when I moved out, it was my chair.

Because I like to sit in a chair on my own. I don't, I don't like settees or sofas when there's someone else sitting on it. Even if the, even if the sofa's 100 foot long and the person's sitting on the other end, on the edge.

No, I like to have my own, my own space. Seriously, I do. You know, I'd like to have a whole island to myself if I could.

I know half of it would have been taken up by my belly, but the rest of it I could use for skipping around. Andre, you'd love it. He would, I like somewhere that Andre could just run around and just, you know, do his own thing.

And just have that whole garden, a big garden where he could run around and, you know, I'd get it all set up so that he couldn't escape. Because he would want to escape. Even, I could literally give him something the size of 17 football pitches, and he'd still want to get out.

And if there was a door, oh man, seriously, if he sees a closed door, can't stand it. Absolutely can't stand it. He's just, oh, cannot.

You know how some drivers are like when they see somebody on a push bike. It's like, oh, I can't handle that. They're on a push bike.

Oh, how dare they? Why can't they have a car like me? So yeah, I bought some ice cream the other day. That was all right. See, I don't live on ice cream.

I just want to put that there. I'm not always eating ice cream. But I thought it'd be better to, instead of buying chocolate, I'd buy ice cream.

Because now it's the summer and it has got quite hot. The last few days, then ice cream is quite a nice thing to have. So instead of just eating for the sake of eating, and eating chocolate just because it's there, I wouldn't eat ice cream probably in the evening.

And I've never told a bigger lie. I was eating ice cream, I bet, yeah, earlier, a little while ago. But generally, I'm saying it's nice to have when it's hot.

So there's pictures of Andre on the website. Yeah, and so I said, my friend went off, I gave him, I think we were going half, so he paid, I think the pizzas were £20 or something. So I gave him £3 towards him.

And he went off. And he came back with two pizza boxes. With pizzas in them.

And he handed it to me. And I said, what was this? He said, it's your pizza. I couldn't, I just couldn't, I just couldn't look at him.

I was just like, what? He said, why, he said, why are you not looking at me? I've just given you a gift. You should at least acknowledge that I've given you a gift. I said, look, I paid £2.20 towards this.

He said, yeah, but I've just paid £23. I said, you paid £23 for two pizzas. This is 20 years ago.

He said, it didn't cost that much 22 years ago. And he said, who are you talking to? I said, what do you mean? He said, you said it didn't cost that much 22 years ago. We're here now.

22 years ago would have been the 70s. I said, just, I'm telling a story. He said, what? Who are you telling a story to? I said, look, I'm making a recording.

Just go along with it. Oh, all right then. I said, yeah, anyway, you've got this pizza.

Where did you get it from? He said, I got it from, no, he said, I got it from Pizza Hut. But he said, I said, if you got it from the Pizza Hut, what does it say? What does it say? Salmonella kebabs on the side. I said, what do you mean? I said, look, it says Salmonella kebabs on the side.

We've even got a logo. We've got a special offer. If it kills you, you get a refund.

That's all right. It's a pizza, isn't it? Yeah. Okay.

It's a pizza. It looks like a pizza. Not sure about the smell coming out of it.

He didn't. I mean, to be fair, when he first walked in there, I thought he'd been to the joke shop and you brought back a couple of boxes of farts. And he said, you're so childish.

I said, I know. And he said, oh, you can't come back from that. If you agree with people, agree with them, whatever they say, disagree.

Yeah, that's true. Yep. You're right.

I do have mechanical teeth. I don't know what to do with that then. Yes, I am a hundred foot long.

Of course you have to have people telling you that you're a hundred foot long when you've got mechanical teeth for that to work. So I said, it says Salmonella pizza, no kebab. He said, ah, you said pizza then.

You messed up your story. I said, no, it doesn't matter. Hopefully everyone's asleep by now.

That's kind of the point. He said, yeah, I know, but you talk so much rubbish during these things sometimes that you think it might be a little bit distracting to sleep because you're kind of like, what on earth's going on? I know. Yeah, I suppose sometimes, but it's not really exciting stuff, is it? And he said, yeah, I can back that one.

I said, anyway, you got these from the kebab shop, didn't you? You didn't get it from the pizza hut. And he said, I'll never forget this. Never.

You know, some people say I won't forget that in a million years. How would you know? I've forgotten stuff that happened in the past. You know, I can't remember everything that's happened ever.

That's why I lie so much because I just have to make stuff up. Otherwise, if I depended on my memory for everything that I talked about, I don't know if I could do a whole 20 minutes, never mind an hour. And he said, who are you talking to? I said, I'm still doing a recording.

Okay, can we get back to the pizza? Oh, you want to talk about the pizza, do you? He said, yes. And he said this thing that I couldn't believe. I said, you didn't go to the pizza hut, did you? He said, no.

But what's the difference? They all taste the same. They all taste the same. It's exactly the same as the pizza hut, he said.

And then he put the pizza, his one, on the floor and started dancing around and saying, taste the same, taste the same. They all, all, all taste the same. At that point, I thought I should leave it because there's something not quite right going on here.

But I couldn't leave it. I just, look, they don't taste the same. And he couldn't get his head around the idea that a place that makes pizzas and only pizzas, okay, I know they're a little bit more adventurous and they do side, but I know they call it sides now, don't we, in England? They never used to call it sides.

It used to be additional food, I think they used to call it. Would you like any additional food? Now it's, would you like any sides? I said, that's all right. I've got a front and a back and I've, I've always wanted some sides.

You know, it saves me having to like have a little belt to keep all my internal organs in. If I had sides, then that would be really good. Lovely, thanks.

Sides. And, uh, so now there's more choice, you know, if it's like, I can't be bothered to give the menu out to you, but you know, there's different bits you can get. I'm not sure if they were available back then.

No, that's not that long ago, but it is. I said, it's like, you know, 1997, I think I'm thinking about. See, it's 22 years.

So I said, that doesn't taste the same. It's not the same. Not all places are the same.

Not all pizzas are the same. And he said, yeah, it's just the same. I think his theory, his, he was basing it on the spelling.

Well, it's spelt the same, therefore it must taste the same. I think that was his, uh, logical thinking. Well, logical to him.

It's spelt the same. And actually, it's not a bad pizza, to be fair. It tasted quite all right.

That's not the point. And I couldn't tell him that it tasted nice because then that would have undone all my good work during the discussion. But not everything tastes the same.

It's like saying, uh, McDonald's burgers and Burger King burgers taste the same. They don't. And McDonald's burgers are tasteless without the mustard and the little bits they put onto it.

On the griddle and Burger King, they just heat their burgers up. So, you know, they might, I think they microwave their burgers. They might not, of course.

You know, that's just what someone told me once. Probably not true. Yeah, I can't get sued for that.

I've seen, I've been in Burger King when I was younger. I've seen them put stuff into microwaves because you get the, the buns not supposed to be warm and soggy. I don't think on a burger.

Although I don't go, I don't eat burgers really. Apart from yesterday. Not, I didn't actually, I had one.

I made my own. I didn't make my own. I didn't buy a cow.

But, you know, I had some frozen cow parts that I put in the oven. And the first time I made the first, weird noise, wasn't it? The first time I made a burger was when I was at school and I was doing home economics. That was the name of the class.

Basically cooking really. And basically burgers are just meatballs. It's just meat, minced meat with vegetables, not vegetables, like onions.

And some people put other stuff in them as well. Maybe a little bit of egg to keep the stuff together. But, and I made that bit up.

And, but it's just perhaps a little bit of flour, but just their meatballs flattened. That's all they are. Burgers are just meatballs flattened and then griddled or grilled or fried or deep fat fried or fried in a frying pan or barbecued or, I don't know, held over a volcano.

I'm sure there's lots of different ways of cooking. Never been near a volcano. They're very beautiful, aren't they, to watch? Probably not when you live near one.

It's nice to watch it. It's like, it's a little bit like watching, you know, in the old days of like computers and stuff. And there'd be a screen saver and there'd be like an image moving around.

Maybe it'd be a word or a sentence. I remember I'd have things like, not when I was at work, I'd have a like a little sentence, sentence saying, go away and things like that. So that when I was away from my desk, someone would look at it and they'd just, you know, I always knew when someone's looked at my screen because they'd be rolling around on the floor laughing.

And he said, go away, wrote it on his computer instead of something else. And sometimes you get pictures when you're moving images or maybe like a goldfish bowl or a tank of erotic, no, not erotic, exotic. Well, sometimes they're erotic fish.

They're basically the same as the exotic fish, but they were holding little whips and latex. Don't knock it. Honestly, a goldfish wearing latex boots.

Well, it's a latex fin cover, really, but it's quite nice to look at. And I quite like to have something like a volcano. There's one, you know, it's quite nice to watch, you know, the lava spurting out and sort of very beautiful, the colors.

But of course, I guess it's not really that great if you've got a house, if you've built a house on the volcano, because I would worry, really, if someone's, how is someone going to figure out how to escape from the volcano if they're dumb enough to build a house on the volcano? How are they going to be? Well, I don't know what to do. Oh, yeah. Wow.

Volcano. You live near an active volcano and it's erupted. Who'd have thought that would happen? But I've built my house of sand on the beach.

Where's it going? The tide's coming. Yeah. I think there was a parable in one of the religions about that.

Building sand houses on a beach. It wasn't a sand castle. You couldn't build a whole castle on the beach, you know, while the tide's out, because it'd take too long, wouldn't it? You'd never get it finished before the tide came in.

You'd need thousands of people working, you know, really quickly to be able to build, not even like, not a whole castle size, but even a castle shaped house, you know, the size of a house, even if you had... The thing is, you might have 5,000 people, but they'd all just be banging into each other, wouldn't they? So it probably wouldn't work. I mean, just, you'd probably have to keep rebuilding a wall because it'll be banging into the wall, and just the heat from them would probably... Actually, there's no internet sentence because it wouldn't make sense, but yeah. But I took it off my screensaver because I was enjoying it too much, and that might seem like a strange thing.

And it wasn't like a news footage, some kind of volcanic disaster, and it wasn't anything weird like that, but it was just a beautiful volcano erupting, and it was like something that you'd get on a national, like National Geographic documentary or something like that. And because I was at work, there's certain things from National Geographic that I couldn't put onto my screensaver, which I would have preferred, but, you know, but I didn't anyway. And, but what happened is I took it off in the end because I thought, this is a slippery slope.

So I've got this volcano there, and I'm enjoying that. What's next? Typhoons? Tsunamis? Am I going to, you know, I was like, no, I need to just, yeah, that's just, you know, tornadoes? Hurricanes? It's like, no, let's just leave it. Let's get rid of that.

So I put some kittens on there instead. No, actually, I don't mean the screensaver, I actually put a live cat on my computer. I tied it to a little hook, put into the top of the desk, and I just like put a little bit of rope around it.

I didn't, I don't know why I'm saying this. I really didn't. I've never owned a cat, but we used to have a cat when I was a kid called, oh, I don't care.

I think my dad's, I think it was called Don't Get Too Attached To It, because of getting rid of it at the weekend. That's what my dad used to, and that's what my dad said when we first got it. So I said to him, what's, what's, what's her name? Don't Get Too Attached To It, I'm getting rid of it at the weekend.

I thought, that's a long name. And yeah, it didn't last long, unfortunately. But I've lived in the houses of cats, and I've only ever really had a close relationship with one cat.

And this was in 1997. Again, that was a good year. Pizza from a kebab shop and a cat that liked me.

And this cat, I was going through a little bit of a weird time, and I moved into this place, and this ginger cat really liked me. Don't know why. I've never had any kind of a closeness with a cat before.

But this cat used to come into my bedroom, and I'd lay on my stomach, and it would walk up and down my back. And it was so relaxing. I could just feel my whole body just relaxing.

And it just really liked me, just, for some reason, really took to me. And that's the only cat I really kind of bonded with. And I've had dogs.

I've lived in places with dogs, but I've never really... I feel the only animal that I've ever really felt close to is Andre. And he kind of... But then he's my son. I don't class him as an animal, apart from when I see what he does on the carpet, and he definitely is an animal.

And when I see what he does to my slippers, that's animalistic behavior. But it's weird, and it might sound strange, but I've such a strong bond with him. It's really got a really close relationship with him.

Probably more my side than his. I talk to him about everything. And he looks at me.

He's got that expression, like, okay, but weren't you about to go into the kitchen and get me some food? It's like, okay, Andre, okay. That's his answer to everything. It's usually that or, so you're going to take me out for a walk then? He's very self-centered.

Nothing like me. I'm always all about others. And I didn't get around to saying thank you to anyone.

So I'll say thank you to everybody. Because I've had quite a few nice comments, well, lovely comments this week. I've had some donations to help me towards paying the monthly bills I have to pay for to keep this free service going.

And that is mounting up. It's actually gone up an extra £30 a month because I started promoting the Let Me Boy To Sleep Facebook page. So that's costing me £30 this month, over the next month.

And then I'm going to be doing that for the next year. Yeah. So that's an extra £30 a month.

But the part of the reason for that is because if I promote the page, the only people that are going to like the page are people that are interested in what I'm doing. Rather than, you know, I could pay and buy likes on the page. You know, if I had the money, I could get millions of likes.

But if I had, for £50 or £100, I could get 10,000, 20,000 likes on that page. But there'd be people from all over the world that would have got no interest in what I'm doing. They just like it because they're perhaps getting paid to do it.

And that's not what I want. So I want proper, organic, legitimate, genuine people that like what I do. So I can build these Let Me Boy To Sleep podcasts and what I do here.

Because it's got a life of its own, separate from the other hypnosis stuff that I do. That's why it's got its own website. It's got its own Facebook page.

And yeah, so it's quite nice to sort of see how that goes. This is why I'm putting more effort into that particular website at the moment. But I do get caught up in the websites.

I get caught up in the building of them because I mean, to be honest, I kind of got a one-track mind sometimes. And when I start doing something, I lose interest maybe in other things. And to be honest, the most important thing is making new recordings on one level.

But on the same level, I've made over 1,000. And I think this is 159 of the Let Me Boy To Sleep I've done. So promoting it would be better because then I'll reach more people and hopefully help more people to be bored to sleep.

So it's kind of a fine balance. But sometimes I get caught up in what I'm doing. I want to do more and just focus on that.

And I want to keep going. And I'm in the process at the moment. Not while I'm talking to you, but I don't know why I sat at my laptop.

I could have done this sitting down in a chair. And I'm now in a process for every episode of the podcast on letmeboytosleep.com. So you've got the title, you've got the player, so you can listen to it, stream it. There's also underneath, there's a title, Listen On Podcast Players.

And there's a list of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 18 different podcast players or podcast hosts that you can listen to this podcast on. So just every episode, I'm going to have a link underneath, which you can click on and say PodTale or Podcast Apple or Radio Online, PodParadise, Play.acast, TuneIn, Stitcher, PodChaser, CastBox, Spreaker, PodBean, PlayerFM, Open.Spotify.com, Himalaya.com, MyTuner, Radio.com, Overcast.fm, CloudCaster.com, Player.BeyondPod.movie. So let's say, for example, you use CastBox, and that's your favorite place to listen. And you can't be bothered to go to the website, or you don't want to.

I'm not being judgmental, you can't be bothered. But you know, CastBox might be the place you want to go to, or Stitcher, or TuneIn, or Spotify, or Spreaker, wherever it is. PodParadise, PodTale, Apple, iTunes.

So it then takes you to that. Or you can listen to it there if you want to. Or you can go to it and then you can subscribe and then you never have to come back to the website.

But I would say come back to the website because I've worked so hard on it. I need people to visit. It's very important to me.

Very, very important. And also, if you fancy it, you can leave a comment on every recording. Below, at the bottom as well of the page, there's a comment section, you can leave a comment.

And there's also a testimonial box, which you can click on leave testimonial or write testimonial. Yeah, write testimonial. And then you can write something down and send it.

And then that will come up on the page because on the actual website, let's have a look. On the website, there is, it's going to look different on your phone, but should look the same on the on a tablet or something. There's on the right hand side, on the top of it, it's got the logo like the Let Me Boy To Sleep picture.

It's a picture of Andre. And there's also the in the menu, there's home posts, archives, my podcasts, podcast players. So my podcast is a list of different podcasts that I've got.

My podcast players, podcast players is a list of all the different podcasts, players that have my podcast on it, this particular podcast. There's a donate box, a donate link, which takes you to what is it called PayPal.me forward slash Jason Newland. If you want to support what I do, there's a testimonials, which gives you click on that and it lets you see testimonials people have left.

And now for the next menu thing is write testimonial, click on that and it lets you write something. And then that'll get posted. There's a Facebook, Twitter, links.

And then there's the Facebook page is the Let Me Boy To Sleep page. Pics of Andre, that's the last thing. And there's one, two, three, three, six, nine, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, 27.

But yeah, it's a few pictures. It's quite a few actually. They're all lovely.

It's really good pictures. It's a really good, quite nice, lovely quality website with the pictures. They're just so beautiful.

Such a beautiful little boy. And so I'll add pictures to that as I go along. But yeah, so that's pictures of him.

I thought that'd be nice for those of you to hear me talking about him and wonder what I'm talking about. So yeah, so that's good. So that's on there.

So on the right hand side of the page, if you're looking at it on a tablet or a laptop, there's a testimonials and it's like a box and it just has testimonials that people have written. So there's a few, there's about six or seven at the moment. And then underneath that, you've got a right testimonial so you can write your own.

So yours will come up on there when you've done it. And then below that, there's a donate box, PayPal, Facebook page logo. And then underneath that, there's the archives.

So from February 2018, all the way up to May 2019. So this will be June, because it's the first one in June I've done. And then there's recent posts.

There's one, two, three, four, five. So the last one I did was the 30th of May. Now it's number 158.

And that is everything. The very last picture on Andre's pictures or pics of Andre is him actually standing up on his legs, on his back legs, with his hands down, looking up. And he's on my little table that's next to my big black squeaky chair.

What you can't see is my friend's hand above. I don't know if he's holding something, but it's probably just his hand because Andre likes to bite him. They play very rough, them two together.

But Andre's known him since he was, since Andre's been, since he's a baby, but since Andre was a baby, rather. And he absolutely loves playing with him. He loves biting him.

Really, the two people that Andre's known in his life is me and my friend, because he had, he also had a ferret as well, which was Andre's, what, auntie or, no, uncle. Yeah, I think that is his, or maybe even his dad. I don't know.

It's hard to tell. But yeah, it's very cute. It's the only one I've got of him actually standing up and his hands, his hands are just down, but it's a really good picture.

Some of them are really clear. And most of the ones I've put on there are clear, but there's just, it's mainly one with his tongue sticking out where he's asleep. So cute.

And there's a, there's a few where he's in his hammock and he's just looking so relaxed. There's another one there. It's really cool.

There's a few others where he's asleep. There's one where he's actually, and this is a, this is a real picture. It was not set up because I can't get him to pose.

He won't pose. He's too wiggly to do that. He just, you know, I actually caught him, I found him in my bed and his head was laying on the pillows.

It's actually more than his head. It's like the top half of his body is laying in the pillows, on the pillows, but the rest of his body's underneath the quilt. So I took a picture of that.

So it looks like he's actually, well he is, he's sleeping in my bed like a human would. So that's a really cute picture. I'm glad I got that.

And there's a picture, the first picture of him is him when he was a baby. It's shortly after I first got him and he's tiny, very tiny. He's so beautiful.

As you can see that his eyes are bigger because he's on his head. His eyes are much wider because his head's grown, but his eyes probably stayed the same size. It's the most beautiful, most beautiful little thing in the world.

But I am biased. I keep looking at the pictures, it's really weird. There's a few of them eating as well.

There's one him eating an egg and there's one of him wearing glasses. And there's one of him eating his dinner. He's actually eating it.

He's half under the quilt and there's a little plate of food that he's eating out of. So he's just, he's got half his body reaching out to eat the food because he was asleep. So I thought, I know what I'll do.

I'll just take the food to him, a little bit of breakfast in bed. And he said to me, you can go now. I said, well, can't I get into bed with you? And he said, no, I like you as a friend.

So yeah. Anyway, I'm going to go have a lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely sleep. Hopefully you've been a nice, sleepy, boring thingy.

I've run out of words now. Anyway, I'll speak to you next time. Bye.