#154 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (22nd May 2019)

Hello and welcome to my gurgling stomach. This is letmeboreyoutosleep.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

Please only ever listen to this or any of the sessions on this podcast or any of my podcasts when you can safely close your eyes. And just to let you know or to remind you that these podcasts are available all over the internet on lots of different podcast hosts, whether on your tablet or your phone. And a majority of people that listen seem to be listening on their phone.

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So if there's a specific, let's say Spotify, for example, might be your favourite place to listen to stuff. So it's totally, you know, down to you, it's up to you, what you feel is comfortable. And also, all of my podcasts are on Spreaker.com. That's where the home is for all of my podcasts.

That is boring, isn't it? What a boring introduction. I basically should have, I could have equally have just done a juggling act for you then. I told you, I said to you, I'm now juggling 17 balls.

Now there's a kitten in there, 17 balls and a kitten. Now there's a set of kitchen cutlery. I'm juggling them all.

I'm now on a tightrope, juggling them all, and I've got a tightrope between the two buildings I'm on, living in them. It's like, well, we can't see you do it. I was thinking I could pretend to be anything, couldn't I? I could pretend to be anywhere.

I could say I'm now in the Bahamas, enjoying a lovely tequila rum, or whatever they call them, and I don't know, drinking some Horlicks out of a coca shell, watching the sun set or rise. It's the same, isn't it really? It looks the same either way at one point, I suppose. But I'm not in the Bahamas.

I'll tell you where I am. I'm in my living room, and there is no light. And it's not because it's dark.

I don't want anyone to sort of write in and say, yeah, but it's nighttime. It's always dark. There's never any light.

But there is. There's electricity, but there is no electricity because I've just had a power cut. So I'm sitting in my flat, realizing that there is nothing to do.

This, I can't use the internet. I can't watch television. I can listen to the radio on my phone, because I've got enough data to do that.

So it's a case of going to sleep, which I don't really feel like doing because it's too early. And I thought, well, I might as well make my recordings. You know, it's a lot earlier than I normally do them.

It's now, yeah, seven minutes past. One in the morning. And this is the second recording that I've made.

I did the deep sleep whisper one earlier. And the electricity's been off since, I don't know, quarter past 11. Something like that.

And what was it earlier? I was trying to think. 9, 10. 9, 10.

So I watched 8 or 9. There's a program about parking tickets. So I was watching that. And then I took, I went down in the garden.

Then at 9 o'clock, I came back up because, yeah, and then I watched, I don't know what I watched. What did I watch at 9 o'clock? I must have watched something. Something was on telly, because I was working on my website.

The jasonnewland.com website. While I was watching this thing on telly. I wonder what it was.

So 9 till 10. Oh, yeah, there's a documentary. So I was watching a documentary.

And then at 10 o'clock, I watched another documentary about hoarders. People that fill their property with lots of stuff. So I was watching that.

And then a film, a film came on at 11. And yeah, probably couldn't have been more than 15 minutes in. And the electric went out.

So it's nearly two hours. So the electric, you know, I was sitting there, my friend was watching telly, while I was just on the computer. And we were just chatting.

And he was trying to watch the movie. And I was talking. And I was just working on the website.

And you know, while I was doing that. And then suddenly, the lights go out. The television, well actually, it's the television going out that I noticed first.

Even though the lights went out at the same time. But the laptop stayed on. Because it's got a full battery.

So it's not, you know, it doesn't need to be connected to the electric. So it's still on now. So I've got a little bit of light in the room from the laptop, which is good.

Otherwise, it would be absolutely, well, there'd be no light in it at all. Apart from, I guess the phone. Because the screen has got a little bit of light coming out of it.

And I was sitting there and I thought, for a minute I thought, there must be a fuse has blown. Because the laptop's still on. You know, I haven't kind of connected the, it's got a battery and it's running off its own battery.

And then I thought, well, I wonder if it is a fuse. And then I looked and the internet has gone as well. Which means, well, I suppose it could still be a fuse, but I don't think the fuse, yeah, I don't think, anyway, I wasn't sure.

But I looked out the window. Because sometimes, if you want to know what's going outside, the best thing to do is to look outside the window. Great inventions.

I sometimes wonder if windows originally were just made of wood. You know, a bit like in, you know, those European, like, I don't want to be, I don't want to generalize here, but I've seen sometimes in like France or maybe Spain, where they have like wooden shutters. And they might have windows as well, but they have the wooden shutters where, which I think is a really good idea, is because then they can have their fiesta.

And probably to block out the sun. The thing is, if you're going to go to sleep in the middle of the day, the hottest part of the day, then I suppose it makes sense to block out the sun so that it's less warm. So that way you can, you know, get to sleep maybe, I don't know.

I mean, suppose technically I have a siesta every day. Looks like there's light shining into my window. I wonder what that might be, the moon.

Yeah, I think it's the moon. Don't normally get to see the moon. And so I looked out the window, because, you know, it's glass, it's see-through and great invention that, isn't it? But I wasn't really thinking about that at the time.

And I looked out and the whole of the block of flats that I live in, my block, it's not mine, but, you know, where I live, all the buildings that are connected to each other, all out. The whole lot, completely, nothing going on. Apart from, I think a couple of people had candles.

So, you see, yeah, so that was, it's like, ooh. But then the other side of the fence, all their lights are on as normal. And I thought, ooh.

I mean, I was, well, I was going to say I was pleased for them, but I wasn't. I was a bit envious. It's like, ooh, you know.

And so I looked out and I thought, yeah, it's a power cut. And then I went to phone the council. I used to have the emergency telephone number on my phone, but for some reason it's not on there anymore.

So I don't know where it went. And so I tried to, because I couldn't use the internet, but I've got a bit of data on my phone with my monthly plan on my phone. It's a pay-as-you-go, but it gives me like one, what does it give me? I think it's like one megabytes or one gigabyte, a hundred megabytes, something.

I don't know. It's not a lot, but it's enough to, I mean, generally I don't use it in a month because most of what I do is online, but on the broadband. It's weird though, just as I'm talking, the lights have all come on.

So the electricity has come back on. So that's nice, I suppose. It's nice to be able to share that with you.

But this, it's kind of weird because when it went off, I was like, it just shows how reliant I am on the old electricity. Because especially at night, I mean, during the day as well, but if it's light, at least you can see what you're doing. So making a sandwich or something like that, it's a lot easier when you can see the sandwich or the bread.

Just little things like going to the toilet, be able to, I mean, I quite liked the idea. I said to my friend, it's good. Now we've got the power car.

Now I've got an excuse to wee on the floor. But I didn't, well, I don't know if I did or not. I'll have to check.

I've done that a few times over the years. I didn't even realize I kind of got up in the night, not turned the light on, and just left a bit of a puddle. And I think, well, is it me or is it someone else? But that's the thing when you share a house with other people and then other people, you know, six people are using the bathroom.

The benefit of that is you can blame others for the mess. But when you live alone, and you're the only one using the toilet, you're the only one doing the washing up, it's kind of, I'm not connecting washing up and going to the toilet completely, it's the same thing. But I can't moan that the washing up's not been done, because it's me that hasn't done it.

There's only so much I can blame on laundry. It's really weird suddenly having light again. I've forgotten what it was like.

It's a great invention, isn't it? The light bulb. Ronald McDonald was a genius. That tickled me, I don't know why.

So yeah, then the lights went out, as I said. And I put Andre in his cage because I didn't want him running around and me not seeing where he is, because I didn't want to end up tripping over him or treading on him or, you know, who knows what he'd get up to. It's not enough when I can see him.

It's not enough when I'm watching him. Imagine what he'd do if he knew that I couldn't see what he was doing. You know, he'd be setting up booby traps, you know, putting string, he'd be tying my shoelaces together and stuff like that.

It's just, he's so naughty. And then I went downstairs because it's a bit boring up here. There wasn't really, you know, wasn't a lot to do.

So I went downstairs. I thought that, you know, everyone else in the flats would kind of congregate outside and have a little chat, you know, what's going on? I can't believe this has happened. Is your electricity off too? Yeah, mine was.

Mine still is. Is yours as well? Yeah, that's why I'm out here. And, you know, you could just like say, well, we could share stories about the experience.

So what happened to you then, Tracy? Well, I was watching telly and the electricity went off. What about you, Jason? Yeah, I was watching telly and the electricity went off. And what about you, Stuart? Well, I wasn't watching telly and the electricity went off.

Well, how do you know it went off if you weren't watching telly? Oh, I had a light on. Oh, okay. And what about you, Bob? And now I'm fine, electricity's on where I am.

Well, what are you doing here then? Oh, I just was wondering what you're all up to. I just fancy the chat. You seem like you're all up, you know, having fun.

I brought a flask of coffee if anyone would like some. Well, that's nice. Thanks, Bob, but it's a bit unusual, isn't it? He said, yeah, I know, but I'm out of tea bags.

I said, no, no, not about the coffee. Although that is, you know, yeah, yeah, it's a bit unusual. He said, yeah, but, you know, it reminds me of the war.

Because during the war, we used to have to have blackouts. We have to, you know, turn all the lights off and all that stuff. So that the, you know, the planes, the enemy planes couldn't see the buildings and stuff like that.

I said, Bob, but you're 32. He said, yeah, I know, but I'm the reincarnation of a, of a, well, it was a museum worker from the 1940s. What? He said, look, it doesn't matter.

The main thing is I bought some coffee. I said, yeah, but it's not the same without digestives, is it? He said, what? I said, so can you hear me? I'm just here. He said, that's rude.

You know, I've got hearing issues. I didn't know that, and I wasn't being rude, but I'm sorry. But what, what, digestives go with tea, not coffee.

He said, that's enough. I've had enough. I couldn't believe what he did next.

He pulled a banana out. He bit the end off the banana while it was still in its skin, bit the end of the banana off. And he said, I've had enough of this.

And he stormed off. When I say stormed off, he, he turned around and he walked into a wall, but you know, then he turned around again and he, uh, he started digging for a while, which was a bit unusual, like digging with his hands. And I thought, he's showing a reincarnation of a dog.

And we all laughed because everyone could, we all had a lot of telepathy going on that night. It's weird in my area. Whenever the electric goes out, we can all read each other's minds.

It's true. I said to them, I said, but I can read your mind. So when, when the electricity goes out, I can read people's minds.

I said that to my neighbor and she said, all right, then what am I thinking? I said, you're thinking, when is electricity going to come back on again? And she said, you're absolutely right. That is what I was thinking. I said, see, told you.

And they all held me on their shoulders and walked me through the streets. Fireworks went off. It's a very wonderful experience.

So yeah, took lots of pictures, got a whole, a whole, you know, album worth of pictures from that scenario that I made up. So I went downstairs thinking, oh, there'll be lots of people there and I'll get to talk to the, one of my neighbors that I like and did not happen at all. Nobody around.

So I went outside, nobody around. Went out the back, nobody around. So I suppose it's possible if I was in bed, asleep, it's possible, I suppose.

But I wasn't. And what I thought, you know what? I'm going to phone up and find out what's going on. And I went online on my phone and I phoned up the council, the emergency.

No, the phone of the council, they said, we value your custom, but unfortunately we're closed. So I thought, oh, there's no point listening to her then, is there? She's closed. So then I phoned up the emergency.

Well, I looked up the emergency and it said, it didn't have a number. And so I thought, and then I went online and I searched power cut. Yeah, help for power cut.

And there was a phone line to report a power cut. So I found out, I'm hoping it's a free telephone number. So I was on the phone for about 20 minutes and they also valued my time and my custom and my patience.

They very much valued my patience. They kept telling me. And they said, normally there's a 20 second wait to be answered.

But tonight due to all the power cuts around the country, an excessive amount, it's going to take five minutes, which I found a bit strange considering I'd been on 20 minutes waiting. And then about two minutes after that message, the phone answered. And it was a very lovely lady.

I'm guessing brunette, brunette hair and brown eyes with, I'd say one earring in each ear. And I would say she's probably wearing a nice loose sweater and she used to wear a watch, but now she just gets the time from her phone. I'm just guessing, but you know, that's kind of what I got from, kind of what I felt from when I spoke to her.

I didn't ask her these questions because it wasn't valid at the time. Plus it's kind of always after the event, isn't it? Oh, I should have asked her whether she wear a watch or not. What kind of top she's wearing? Does she wear comfortable shoes? And does she ever, ever like to roll around in the sand when she's on holiday? And when's the last time she made a sand castle or a snowman or a snow castle? So yeah, but that didn't come to mind at the time.

But now as I think about it, I wish I had, she had a very lovely voice and it was quite nice because she said, do you feel at risk at the moment? I said, the only risk I feel is falling in love with your voice. And she said, please say that's very creepy. Can you stop? I said, okay.

No, she didn't. I didn't say that to her. I said, I'd like to, I liked, I've got a very professional voice that I like to put on because I like people to have, I don't know, just to show respect for them and their job to show that I'm not just messing around and I'm taking the whole process very seriously.

So I said to her, hello, I would like to report a power cut. And she said, would you like to, okay, you can take your postcode please so I can find out where you live. Okay.

My postcode is blah, blah, blah. I'm not going to tell you what postcode is am I? I told her my postcode and she said, so what's happened then? Well, the lights went off. I was sitting at my laptop and I think at the time I was scratching my left knee because it was itchy because I'd been out for a walk previously.

And there'd been some gnats because it's been quite a nice day and they, the gnats were in a tree and they came out and bit me and therefore my knee is itchy. And she said, did you realize there was a lot of E's? Are you trying to make that all rhyme? I said, no, I wasn't trying to make it rhyme. I don't have the time to make up rhymes.

And she said, there you go. And again, it's like it comes naturally to you. I said, I don't know about that.

But once I owned a rat and she said, really? I said, no. She said, well, why did you say it then? I don't know why I said it. I suppose I was trying to show off to you because you seem like quite a nice person.

She said, well, thank you very much. And then she said, anyway, what the situation is, is there, we've had lots of calls from your area about the power cut. I kind of felt like she was saying that to put me at ease in case I thought I was making it up.

I knew I wasn't making it up. It's a bit like, it's okay, other people have also called in. You're not imagining it.

No, I'm not imagining it. The TV went off. Trust me.

I know when the TV goes off. And she said, what do you mean? I said, well, because the screen goes dark and there's nothing on it. She said, yeah, but why would you verbalize that? Why would that be an out loud sentence? What would be the point? And I said, listen, I don't have an answer for that.

She said, anyway, the technicians are on their way there and they're going to look into it and they will find out what's wrong with it and they'll fix it. It should be done between one and two. And I said, well, because I like to do that.

So the person repeats the entire sentence. It's really good if they just said a really, really long sentence. Here's something you can do if you just want to have a bit of fun.

If you phone a call center up, I shouldn't tell you this, but if you phone a call center up and you buy, let's say you buy insurance on the phone, they will say to you, I've got all this information that I have to read to you, unless you're happy for me to send it to you by text or by email. If you say to them, no, I'm happy for you to read it to me. They could be there for the next 15 or 20 minutes reading out this big, long script.

I'm not saying to do it, but if you're dealing with someone on the phone and they haven't treated you in a way that you'd like to be treated, then at the end of the call, say, yeah, I'll, I'll, I'll listen. If you tell me the script, you read it to me and then you can go and make yourself some dinner, a cup of tea, go for a jog and when you get back and they'll still be, they'll still be talking. If you really, if you really want to be awkward, you can say, when they say, did you get that bit? Oh no, sorry, I didn't.

Can you read it again? Yeah. I'm not saying do that, but just you could have fun with it. Possibly.

I don't know. I'd never suggest anything other than wonderfulness for everybody. Ah, yeah.

So, so the power went out and I, I went outside and all of the streetlights, most of the streetlights were out. Normally they don't go out till about half 12, one, but they were out. They'd already gone out because of the power cut.

And I looked up at the sky and it was these stars and the sky was really clear because there was no streetlights and it was lovely. And I thought to myself there and then, I'm going to look up again one day. I am.

Another night in the future. I should look up at the sky. I don't know when.

I don't know where I'll be, but I'm going to look up at those stars again. And I thought, should I stick it in my diary? You know, have a particular date that I'm going to do it. But I thought, no, why spoil the surprise? And then I thought, will it be a surprise if I'm doing it myself? I didn't have an answer for that.

Can you surprise yourself? I think so. I did. I had someone stopped me in the street, asking me to do a survey and I was friendly to them.

Now that surprised me. So yeah, I suppose we can all surprise ourselves at times. I suppose.

I was just thinking, I haven't had, I think they're going to change the name of the sweets. There's a thing called Opal Fruits. Opal Fruits.

They might now be called Starburst. Which again is, I don't know why. Because the adverts were really good and the song that came with the advert was, I won't sing it because it's just too stimulating for everyone.

So I won't sing it. But the words were, Opal Fruits. Made to make your mouth water.

But it was in a tune, very catchy as well. Yeah, it was quite a nice tune. It's a bit like the, you better have a bowl of Cocoa Pops.

You know, just one sentence but, but in a tune sung, it sounded like more than a sentence. Sounded more like a delightful idea. These Opal Fruits, they were nice.

I used to like them. However, they used to be square. Different colours, different flavours.

And in a tube, a square tube or whatever. It basically, it's like they were on top of each other with one big wrapper that covered all of it. However, each one had its own wrapping.

Which is, I think, a great idea. Especially if you're sharing them. Of course, I don't like to share anything.

But you know, for those that do like to share, you could, I like to be shared with. I like free stuff. Free sweets, free chocolate, free cakes, free food.

Yeah, free, I just do. And if you're going to share something, especially if you're in an office environment or work or whatever, it's nice to get some free chocolate. But when someone like puts a piece on the desk, it's like, no, I'm not eating that.

Or if I do eat it, I'll have to remove a layer of the chocolate which touched the desk. It's just a personal preference for me. But with the opal fruits, they were covered in this wrapper.

And it's kind of like, it's very much like the toilet paper that I used to have when I was at school. You know, that's see-through tracing paper, toilet paper. So these, you know, little, little tiny little wrappers that would wrap around the opal fruits, the individual opal fruits.

But they didn't always come off. So you'd get part of it off, but sometimes it'd stick to the opal fruit and it'd have paper on it. And that didn't work for me.

I really didn't enjoy that. And had there been internet at the time, when I was a kid, I probably would have posted something on Facebook about it. Of course, there would have had to be Facebook as well, but didn't like that.

Another sweet I used to like was called Toffos. They were really nice. They're basically toffees, again, wrapped up individually in paper, probably the same kind of paper.

And sometimes they'd get stuck as well. But peeling off the paper gave them, I don't know, with the Toffos, it was more of a reward. I think they were Toffos, but there was another one which is similar, but it had chocolate inside.

The toffee with chocolate inside. I used to like sweet corn, not sweet corn. I do like sweet corn.

I used to like honeycomb. It's amazing how I get those two names mixed up. Sweet corn and honeycomb.

Sweet corn, honey. Maybe it's the sweet and the honey. Corn, honeycomb, corn.

I'm sure there's some kind of a logical explanation for that. I remember when I was probably 17, no 18, maybe 19, 18, 18. I don't know, 18 or 19.

And I worked in this factory, and I bought some honeycomb from the shop. And I was on my break, so I took it into work with me, because unfortunately I wasn't allowed to make honeycomb at work. So I had to buy it from the shop.

The honeycomb machine took up too much room. The honeycomb making machine and the beehive. There wasn't enough room.

And not every place at work likes bees. I think they're the bees' knees, but that's just me. And I remember sitting down on a stack of boxes, but unmade boxes.

They weren't made. They were just flat. Like a palette of flat, unmade boxes.

So basically how it worked is, you'd pick them up, pick a flat box up, you'd open it up, and then you'd put down, you'd kind of twist and whatever. And it'd be very easy once you get used to it, to put the boxes together. But I wasn't, because I didn't have, I wasn't sitting inside a box, but on top of the palette where the unmade boxes were.

I wasn't sitting on a palette of made boxes, because then it wouldn't have supported my body, because they were boxes. And it might have damaged the boxes actually, so I didn't do that. And I was sitting there and I was eating this honeycomb.

So it was basically a big bar of honeycomb. And I basically stuck my mouth together. It was so much honey and so much comb, whatever.

And it was like, oh, it's lovely. But it was so chewy. Basically, I did kind of stuck my teeth together.

And I had to use all my strength of my jaw to open up my mouth again. I thought, oh no, what if my jaw stays like this? And I'll be talking like this forever, because my teeth will be stuck together. And I wonder, I suppose it's possible to talk, but it's a bit muffled.

But I didn't realize at the time that things like that, just like everything else, comes to pass. And then I had to go back to work and just wait for the honeycomb to eventually reduce its glueyness. And it was a bit of a weird day really, because we were working in the warehouse, and the forklift driver was moving pallets from one side of the warehouse to the other, ready to put them onto the lorries to be taken around the world, actually, but around the country at least.

And the lift bit from the lorry that connects with the back of the lorry that connected with the the metal thing, part of the bank, where you'd like move this little metal connection. It started to move, and it was giving way, and there was a chance of an accident. And everyone said, well, what could we do? We need something to stick it together.

It's like, there's nothing, we've got nothing. I said, well, that's super glue. And they said, no, this is heavy metal super glues, not for that kind of stuff.

We need something. And I thought, I know. Watch this.

And I pulled a bit of honeycomb out from between my teeth, and I put that between the metal. And to this day, apart from a statue of me that was made in my honor, that bit of metal, those two bit of metals are still stuck together from that honeycomb. That's when I realized that my superpower was honeycomb related.

Somehow, the mixture of honeycomb in my mouth became the most powerful adhesive ever known to donkeys. And that seemed like a really, really good story to lead us closer to the end of this pointless, silly session. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so glad the lights are on. I made a sandwich by the light from the laptop.

It's really weird. It was kind of weirdly romantic. And I spent so much time with my laptop.

It's mainly working. I had to share a lunch with her, or him, or her, or whatever. Her.

It. Share a lunch with it. It was kind of nice.

It was nice to take a break from working, because that's what we really normally do together. It very much is a working relationship, me and the laptop. So to just spend a little bit of quality time, me eating my sandwich and the laptop just sitting there, staring at me, looking longingly, probably hoping that I would eat with my mouth closed.

But nope, I'm single. I get to eat with my mouth open. It's one of the benefits of being single.

So it is nice to be back in the modern world. I do wonder though, what it would have been like, you know, hundreds of years ago, where night time is dark, time to go to bed. All that sleep during the winter.

I quite like the idea of that. Going to bed at five o'clock in the afternoon, not getting up again until eight in the morning. That's a nice sleep.

Nice and long. Nice and long. I like, yeah, sounds nice.

I have done that in the past. There has been times when I have slept quite late after going to bed quite early, like eight o'clock in the evening, then still not getting up until one o'clock in the afternoon. But it's quite rare for me because I like to go to bed about five in the morning, get up about two in the afternoon.

That's nine hours. Is it really nine hours? Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, one, two. Wow, that's nine hours.

That's quite a, that's quite a vigorous sleep, isn't it? I'm quite impressed with myself. Not for the first time, I was once impressed when I trimmed my landlady's hedge. A very good trim.

It looked really nice afterwards. It looked like she hadn't trimmed it for years. I said, I can't believe you let it grow so long.

She said, yeah, but no one, no one seems to take any notice of it anymore. So I didn't think anyone would really notice. I didn't, no one really looks at it.

So what does it matter? I said, yeah, but you need to take care of your little hedge. And she said, but why? Why? I said, I said, but it's a bit of pruning and it's quite nice, just to keep it tidy. And because it was inside the hedge, it's in the garden.

And she said, well, no one sees my hedge anymore. I said, but what about if there's an emergency? Someone might see your hedge in an emergency. She said, what do you mean? I said, well, you know, in an emergency, you might, someone that you don't know might, you know, see your hedge.

She said, what? I said, well, let's say if you, if your cat gets stuck in a tree and you have to phone the fire service, they'll have to come into your garden and they'll see your hedge. And she said, oh, are we still talking about the hedge outside? I said, yeah. She said, oh, thank goodness.

I said, why? She said, it was just those trimmings, they look really, really sharp and they're a bit big. And, you know, I don't fancy just not being worried. I said, why? Why are you worried? She said, well, you're wearing a blindfold for one.

I said, yeah, I know, but it's part of the creative process. She said, that's silly. I said, why is that silly? She said, it's silly.

You're silly. I said, it takes one to know one. She said, fair enough.

Would you like some flad? I said, what? She said, would you like some flad? I don't even know why that's funny. Would you like some flan? What kind of flan is it? Well, it's a pear flan. Pear flan and ice cream.

Do you fancy some? I said, yeah, that sounds lovely. She said, oh, all right then. And she started laughing.

I said, why, why are you laughing? She said, I don't know, you started laughing and made me laugh. It's a little bit like sneezing and yawning and farting, isn't it? It's very contagious. I said, okay.

You think farting is contagious? She said, yeah. I said, well, I don't understand. She said, well, go on to an underground train station, go to an underground train during the summer and then tell me after a journey all through the underground, tell me that farts aren't contagious.

I said, okay. I don't really know what you're talking about. But she said, yeah, you shall find out.

I said, yeah, it's a lot of hassle though, isn't it? It means traveling all the way to London. She said, yeah, but it's worth it. Then she went, I was one more thing before you go.

I said, what's that? Oh, lovely. Thank you. She said, there's no problem.

There's plenty more of that where it came from. And on that note, I should say good night. Night, night.

Good night. Blah, blah, blah. Good night.