#126 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (9th April 2019)

Hello and welcome to LetMeBoreYouToSleep.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. I forgot what I was doing for a minute. That's it.

Yeah, Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen to this recording when you can safely close your eyes as this session that is specifically made to help you to sleep may cause sleepiness. And to be fair, some of you that are listening to this may actually feel tired anyway.

Because there's this whole, oh, I didn't fart then by the way when I went, oh, I just, uh, I sometimes feel like I'm preparing for old age. Sometimes I sit back in a chair and I go, ah, but actually I don't really mean it. There is no, like, relief or physical relief, but it's as if I'm preparing for it.

You know, so when I get older and I sit down in a chair and I'm, oh, it's nice. Sometimes do it when I'm in a bath, lay down in the bath, I go, oh, it's nice. But actually it's all right.

It's okay. But it wouldn't sound the same, would it? You know, laying down in the bath going, oh, that's adequate. Yeah.

That's kind of the same as it normally is. Yeah. Takes the, kind of takes the eroticism out of it.

Eroticism. I'm just pleased that I could say the word eroticism. Um, so what am I going to talk about today? Well, I'd like to thank quite a few of you, actually, and for, I've got an itchy armpit.

Wait a second. Do you ever, ever scratch your armpit and then give it, give your fingers a little sniff? If you don't, neither do I. And so I'd like to thank a few people. You kind of know who you are.

So people that I've had recent communications with via Facebook, Facebook, either talking to, you know, directly or maybe a late night Facebook chat, you know, sort of texting or voice, whatever. And I feel quite supported with my growing venture, or I don't know if you want to call it a growing venture, but this, you know, the let me bore you to sleep recordings of going from strength to strength. And I'd like to thank those individual people that I've spoken to over the last week, as well as everybody that listens.

I haven't done a recording for a few days because I've been focusing on building the website, the let me bore you to sleep website. So I've been putting quite a lot of time into that. And originally it was a pod being podcast.

Then I changed. Well, I didn't change, but the, I changed my mind and, and decided the reason for it is this. I had advertising on the podcast, but only at the very beginning and not on all of the tracks, probably about 38% of listens actually get, uh, have adverts at beginning, but those adverts in time will hopefully cover the cost of running this free service.

And even further in time will maybe even allow me to earn a living doing this, which I think I deserve to be fair. I've been doing it for a long time. So I think, uh, it'd be nice.

It's that whole old saying, isn't it? If you can, was it, if you can earn a living doing something you love, then you'll be happy. It's kind of obvious really, isn't it? I suppose. But if you can, uh, yeah.

Oh, no. What is it? If you can earn a living doing what you love, then you never have to work a day in your life. Well, I suppose.

I mean, I do work. I don't work officially work, but I do put quite a lot of energy into, it's not just the recordings, but it's the, the backend of things. If that sounds a bit strange, it's the, the stuff that you don't see the, you know, the, the website stuff, the promotion, the you know, and different bits and also learning different ways to, to do what I do as well.

You know, the, the learning never ends. You know, it's, uh, you have to have in going in order to have outgoing. So in order for me to talk, I need to have stuff going into my brain as well.

Although if you listen to some of these sessions, you might think, well, you know, you might really think, Oh, I don't know where that came from. So it's fine, but there's different types of issues with sleeping. And I've beginning to learn a bit more of those from what you have told me.

And some of the, just over the years, you know, conversations I've had, and it's not always about being wide awake when you want to sleep. Sometimes it's, it's about, you're really tired, but actually maybe physically people that have chronic pain or, you know, physical issues that may have in the past got in the way of allowing you to sleep easily and naturally. And what I can offer is sort of an opportunity to have more of that by relaxing your mind, maybe by distraction, by offering a few positive suggestions along the way.

And it's a mixture of different things. And I was speaking to someone the other day, the other night actually, but I think it was daytime for her, although it might've been nighttime. No, she was in Ghana and now she knows exactly who she is, if she's listening.

And we're talking about sort of using the idea of using hypnosis and this kind of stuff to help heal the body, physiologically, anatomically healing the body. And I've been giving it some thought. I've also been watching the Santa Clarita Diet on Netflix as well.

So I've not given it my whole attention, but I've been giving it some thought and Andre's running around now. Well done, Andre. Yeah, that's great.

Just jump all over me. That's it. That's it.

That's it. He wants his dinner, but I told him he can't have his dinner until I've done this recording. But he's not taking it.

He's not having it. He said, no, you get my dinner right now. And I said, but Andre, please let me do the recording.

He said, no, get me my dinner. And I said, oy, oy, you've overstepped the mark, mate. He said, what do you mean I've overstepped the mark? I'm hungry.

I said, yeah, but now I'm becoming angry. It's a very similar word, but very different emotions. And he said, I do know what the word means.

Why are you talking down to me like that? I said, I'm not talking down to you. He said, yes, you are. I said, well, I didn't mean to.

He said, well, I forgive you. I said, oh, good. Thanks.

Oh, wait a minute. What do you mean you forgive me? He said, ha ha, I caught you out there. Distracted you.

What? Yeah. So I was being naughty talking back to you. And then it turned out that you apologized.

Andre, you have to wait until I finish before you have your dinner. Yes, you will. And he's just there.

I'm just holding him. He's on me. He's basically just laying back in my hand.

And he's just looking at me, licking his lips. As if, you know, just, he's literally staring at me, which is very weird to have it. He's literally, right now, he's staring at me.

What are you staring at? Go on. Go on. Go and get off.

Go and, oh, you want to lay down on my lap. Okay. He thinks if he just, I think he thinks if I can see him, eventually I'll get him his dinner.

As if I've forgotten about him. But I've not forgotten about him. I'm just choosing not to feed him.

And not forever. I'll just, until I finish this. It's fair enough.

I think. And I've got this idea. I had this idea years and years and years ago.

Probably back in, I don't know, 1999, probably. So probably about 20 years, maybe more, maybe 21 years, maybe 98, but probably 99, 2000-ish. I had this idea of making a recording, like a daily recording, that people could listen to online.

That would kind of cover everything. That if you listen every day, then whatever the issue is that you may have, whether it's emotional, whether it's physical, whether it's pain, whether it's, you know, phobias, whatever the thing might be, that by listening to me, to my voice every day, things start to kind of come together. Maybe unravel.

And those things, let's say a phobia, for example, that seems like a knot in your mind, and you kind of can't quite get to it. It just seems to kind of become undone. So it's no longer there.

Things that used to bother you, for some reason, don't bother you anymore. You're able to be more relaxed. At times, perhaps you could never even imagine being more relaxed, able to sleep easier.

You know, just those things that can improve every aspect of your life, relationships, family, work, your health, even your decision making, can be affected positively. So I just, that's something that I like the idea of doing. And I think that maybe this could be that thing in its own way.

Because when you're listening to me, yabbering on about nothing, sometimes your mind is focusing here, focusing on my voice, maybe focusing on perhaps you can hear the birds in the background. Or when you hear Andre running around, when you hear my big black squeaky chair, or if you hear me scratching myself. And there's something, maybe, you know, there's the repetition, I suppose, but of doing the same thing, maybe hearing the same person.

Even though every recording is different, there's going to be similarities in a sense of it's me, it's my voice. It's also depending on how you think about things and what your belief systems are and all that stuff. The thing is you're listening to this at the same time as somebody else.

So basically every, pretty much every minute of every day, someone in the world is listening to me talking, whether it's these recordings or it's other recordings. But you know, statistically, based on the stats, there's always going to be someone listening somewhere in the world. Very likely they're listening at the same time that you are, maybe even to this.

And that energy, that connection, it means that you're connected to other people, which we all are anyway. We're all connected. So I quite like that idea, quite like the idea of the energy sort of, you know, growing and sort of the healing energy, because it's a positive energy and it kind of spreads and grows.

And sometimes, you know, all you need is a break, a rest, a change, a little bit of distance away from your day-to-day life. And you can gain that by spending an hour with me each day, just talking, listening. And that's a good thing about this.

The good thing is you don't have to do anything. And I like that. I like not having to do anything.

As soon as someone tells me I have to do something, I kind of don't have as much interest. It's not that I'm lazy. I'm just, I'm very fussy about what I waste my time doing, or spend my time, spend my time doing.

And which is why I like to spend my time doing this, because I get to spend time with you. Thank you, Andre, for deciding to play with your plastic carrier bag. In fact, he's not playing with it.

He's actually sleeping in it now. You know, in the summer, it's totally true, in the summer, he will go to sleep inside a carrier bag. And I go to take him out, maybe, you know, maybe it's just dinner time, or I just want to cuddle with him, maybe.

Well, I've got to take him to put him into bed. And he's completely, there's condensation all inside the carrier bag from him. And he stinks, absolutely stinks of the, because he doesn't really sweat himself.

He's got, I don't know quite how it works, but he doesn't. He's got, he's wearing a fur coat, isn't he? It is a real fur coat, I'm afraid. So if you do meet him, please don't chuck paint over him.

It's not his fault. But he, he, the smell of the bag, of the condensation of his heat on the bag, makes him all stinky, just for a while. But I can't believe, why would he want to be in something so hot? It must be like a sauna, which brings me to my next subject.

Saunas. I went to the gym today, and I woke up at about, what time did I wake up, Andre? What time did I wake up? I went to bed quite late, so it was about six o'clock before I went to sleep. Because I was working on the website all night.

And I I managed to wake up, I think it was just before one o'clock, half past twelve, one o'clock. And I thought, oh, it's too late to, Andre, it's too late to go to the gym now. But then I remembered that it's not, because I wasn't really thinking straight.

So what I did is, I had my breakfast. I really need to put him in his cage sometimes, it's, winds me up. I had my breakfast, had a cup of coffee, and I watched a little bit of telly.

And then I got ready, let Andre out of his cage, because he sleeps in the cage at night, or when I'm in bed rather. Only because otherwise it would disturb me. And then I caught the bus, I think, catch the bus, I walked to the bus stop and waited for the bus to arrive.

And running down the road with a big bus shaped net, trying to catch the bus. So I stood there, there was someone else there already at the bus stop. So I waited, I didn't wait with him, I didn't stand directly next to the man that was waiting.

And didn't sort of lean against him or anything. So I kind of, you know, I did lean against a post though. There's a post there, it's a lamppost.

And I quite like leaning against it. So I decided to lean against it this, you know, today. It's sort of, it's a mixture of, I quite like rubbing my back against it.

It feels quite nice. And it just feels right. It feels just like it's there for that reason.

I don't do if it's wet. If it's been raining, what I do is I touch it first. And if it's wet, then I don't lean against it.

But if it's dry, and it's been raining, but it's dry, I will lean against it. But sometimes I'll lean against it and not test it first, because I didn't realize that it had been raining earlier. And then it's wet.

I don't always notice it straight away. I think what happened once is I was leaning against it. And then I think I might have, oh yeah, I think I might have had an Andre with me.

Or, oh no, I think I probably had my phone. And I made a phone call. And as I was making a phone call with my telephone in one hand, and I think I leaned against the post with my other hand, and then I thought, oh, it's wet.

I better not lean against it. So I didn't. But I don't always remember to do that.

But then I'm sure there's probably some times when I've leaned against it, and it's been wet, but I didn't realize it was wet, because I've got, you know, clothes on underneath my jacket. I don't go out in my winter coat on with just being naked underneath, because it's illegal. And yeah, it's not just because it's illegal, it'd be cold.

I wouldn't want to do that. And although sometimes I walk up to the shops with my winter jacket on, and when I get back, I'm sweating. Even though it's really windy and maybe even cold outside, but inside it's, it's like a different temperature inside the coat.

It's very strange. It's kind of like a cake. You know, a cake that has like a hard shell, but inside it's all fluffy.

I'm trying to think of something like that. A donut, maybe. A donut can be quite like that.

I mean, they're not necessarily hard on the outside, apart from the ones that have icing on. Can you get donuts with icing? I think you can, can't you? The thing is, in England, we don't really, don't really do donuts. I mean, we do, do, do donuts.

We do, do, do, do donuts, but not, don't really have like shops that just sell donuts. Although we do have shops that just sell donuts, probably in London or, you know, sort of the cities, but I've been around a little bit and I've not seen that many places that sell donuts other than maybe bakeries and supermarkets of which every town has a few. So I suppose you can get donuts in every town really easily.

But I'm not talking about the ease of getting donuts. I suppose I'm talking more about the specialization of selling such a product as a donut. You know, like lots of different styles of donut and, you know, icing and cream and jam and flat ones and busty ones and I don't know, various different whiplash ones, I don't know, kinky ones, ones shaped like bicycles, who knows? It just, the thing is, if you ever do go into a donut shop, when you do buy a donut and you think, oh, it's quite a lot of money, just remember that probably 60% probably of that donut cost goes towards the rent because donuts are really cheap to make.

Really cheap. It's so easy, really easy to make as well. I used to make donuts.

I'm not an expert, but I used to make them when I was a kid, not in my bedroom or anything. I used to work in a bakery when I was about 14, 15, something like that, 13. And I'd work in a bakery on a Saturday and Sunday morning and then during the holidays, I'd work every day of the week and I'd get paid like 75 pence an hour, something like that.

But I'd get paid daily, which still meant I was getting paid rubbish money, but I'd start on a Saturday. What did I start? I think it was seven. I think it was seven o'clock on a Saturday, but it might've been six.

And on a Sunday, it was an hour earlier. So it might've been five on a Sunday and it was till about midday. So we'd work for six hours, maybe seven hours on a Sunday.

And in some ways, it was among the best jobs I ever had because the bloke in charge to the boss was brilliant. Such a lovely bloke, really nice. And yeah, it was nice.

And I was given the job of making the... Did you hear that? That's Andre doing the machine gun sneeze. Oh, he's now run out of the room. I think I used to mix the pastry.

And you know, one of those big mixers. And it kind of grew. The job I had, first of all, when I was there was just cleaning the trays and greasing the trays and sweeping up.

And then I kind of, you know, moving stuff around, you know, a lot of the lugging and the harder, the physical stuff. And then as I got a bit more experienced and gained some trust, I was allowed to break eggs. That might sound like a simple thing, but this wasn't just like one or two eggs.

This was, you know, hundreds of eggs. Or maybe not hundreds, but you know, maybe 60 or 80 eggs or maybe 100. But I learned to do it.

And I could break two eggs at a time, one in each hand. And I loved it. Absolutely one of my favourite things ever.

It was, it took... I'll give you an example of how much I loved it. I was working with another young, another bloke, a kid my age. And he said, Jason, I said, what Tom? He said, guess what? I said, what? He said, I found this underneath my granddad's bed.

I said, what? I thought he was going to show me some socks or something. And it was a nudie magazine. It was a magazine full of nude women.

He said, you want to have a look? I said, no, thanks. I've got eggs to crack. See, I was very focused on the eggs.

So I quite liked the idea of being able to do two eggs at a time. And the novelty never really wore off. I'm thinking about it now.

I'm getting a little bit nostalgic for those egg breaking days. And then I'm not sure. I think it was just, we'd pour it into the mixer.

And maybe sometimes I'd have to whisk it up. I don't remember. So they'd be making all kinds of bread, you know, bread, basic different types of bread, sticks, bread, rolls, bread, baps, you know, just what any baker would do.

And they make cakes as well. And all the cakes were beautiful. And everything was made.

Nothing was frozen. It was all made from scratch. You know, there was no, there were no frozen cakes put in the oven.

It was all made. And the, what is it? Oh yeah. I, they would give, I think I got to the point where I could actually roll the donuts.

So I was allowed to actually roll them into balls and then put them on a tray and then take them down and fry them. And then once they're fried, you know, I had to let them cool off. And then I would fill them with jam.

And then I'd put them again, they'd have to be sprinkled in, well rolled around in a, like a big tub of sugar. These were the, the filled donuts. Obviously you got donut holes as well, or donuts with holes rather.

And what I used to do is, I got in trouble for this, but I used to put, instead of just one squeeze of jam. So it used to be this, used to be on the side of the counter, like there was a kitchen. Well, it was a kitchen, big, just like any kitchen really, big metal table in the middle, where everything was kind of prepared.

And on the side, there was this jam thing, which you basically just pulled down the lever and the jam squirted inside the, it had a nozzle and it squirted into the, the thing, the donut. And what I like to do is, instead of just putting one squeeze, I'd try and do three squeezes. Because well, I do that, and no one really knew that.

For me, it's partly because I thought, I want to be generous. You know, I want to live a good life. I want to be generous.

I want to be kind. And I want to start off my life in this way. It's my first job really, you know, kind of apart from not dressing gowns and paper, paper rounds.

It rhymes, doesn't it? With dressing gown, paper rounds. And I thought, I want to kind of start as I mean to move onwards. Because in the future, when I'm helping people with hypnosis and making podcasts and that, you know, I want to sort of start this now.

So I thought I'd be generous and kind and giving. And also when I finished my shift, I'd sit outside and I'd watch the customers. They just bought the donuts, eating them and getting covered in jam.

There's a jam squirted everywhere because they were too full of jam. So I got in trouble for that. I didn't really get in trouble and I didn't get a criminal record for it or anything, but it's apparently jam's expensive.

I didn't know that. I remember they said to me, he said, you know what? I said, what, what? They said, jam's expensive. I said, oh, I didn't know that.

They said, yeah. They said, it doesn't grow on trees, you know? Well, this apple jam doesn't grow on trees. Okay.

It's not made on trees, is it? It's, you know, the manufacturing process. Because an apple falling on the floor, it's not the same as a jar of jam. It's not the same.

You could say, oh, it's the same product. It's got apples in it. It's got apples and pears.

I said, yeah, but it's jam. It's a very different product. But it's got apples in it, apples and pears.

I said, yeah, but why do you keep repeating that? It's got apples in it, apples and pears. What the heck are you going on about? Why do you keep repeating that? Because it's, okay, I'll stop. Apples and pears sitting in the tree.

Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. So I like the idea of these recordings being some place where you can, like a safe place where you can just relax your mind. And I believe, given the correct circumstances, the correct environment, the correct space, that our minds can heal and that our bodies can heal.

After all, it's our minds that heal our bodies. So given the right space, that safe space to relax, to let go, that miraculous things can happen. Maybe they're not miraculous.

Maybe they're just natural things. Because those things that we would class as miraculous are those things that we really, really want. But it's no more miraculous than the normal things like digesting our food.

Thanks, Andre. Yeah, okay, for disturbing me. I think it'd be actually quieter if I got a parrot.

I'll get rid of him and get a parrot. The worst case scenario is a parrot copies me and starts saying, yes, you're sleeping, and start chatting crap, rubbish, and I can just let the parrot do the recording. Unless they just repeat everything I said.

Sad. He's purposely making noise. He wants my attention.

Now he's about to bite my ankle. Because he thinks somehow by biting me, I'll feel kindly and want to give him some food. Isn't it strange? Now he's biting my hand now.

Oh, that's good. Yeah. It makes me want to give you and give you all the things in the world when you bite me.

I get so full of love for you. Yes, I do. Yes, I love it.

Yeah, now hurt me some more. Yeah, there's big teethies of yours. Yeah.

You silly Billy. I'll thank you for those of you that have written testimonials or that on my website. If you do like what I do, if you go to my LetMeBoreYouToSleep.com, you can leave a testimonial saying, hey, hey, Jay.

Thanks, man. Yay. Thanks for boring me to sleep.

Yay. See, I went to the gym today. It was a punch bag there.

I knew, I found it like I was surprised. I knew there was a punch bag there, which is one of the, it's kind of the clincher for me. Not clencher, but clincher.

Not like a buttock clencher, but a kind of a, yay, I like that. Not that there's anything wrong with clenching your buttocks. But this gym, it has, it's got a few, this, yeah, it's very top heavy with running machines.

Which I'm not, and like cross, not cross dresses, what are they called? Cross, you know, the machines that exercise your legs and your arms. Not cross dresses, but cross something else. I don't, I don't really want either of those.

You know, really, I might do the running machine eventually, but I'm more interested in just taking it slowly, you know, for now. So there's, it's not a big gym, but it's local, so that's good. And so I went there, I spent the first 10 minutes on the punch bag.

I can honestly say after 10 minutes, I looked at the clock thinking that it'd be a lot later than what it was, but no, I'd only been doing it for 10 minutes. And so I went into the part where the machines are, and there was a woman doing yoga, taking up pretty much the whole of this floor space. The, it's like, okay, yeah, cool.

You know, so I started working on one of the machines, and then I started working my way up, and she packed a yoga sack or whatever it is, a yogurini mat, and left. But I was quite surprised. It's like, how am I going to do the machines? Because there was at least three machines I couldn't get to because of her stretching out, which makes me think, how do they do yoga there? Because there's actually, there's a yoga class.

Where? Unless they've got, I mean, it's a swimming pool. Maybe they've got some kind of floating yoga mats that they use. Water yoga, perhaps maybe it is a thing.

You've got sweaty yoga, haven't you? The one where everyone gets really hot and sweaty. They do it in a, I think it's like a sauna room or something. See, I thought that would be smelly, and I thought also it would be a little bit uncomfortable, you know.

But then I thought, actually, sweaty yoga, hot and sweaty, would probably be quite good for me. Because if you're stretching and all your ligaments and legs and stuff are all really warm, then it would be probably much easier to stretch than it may be if it was colder. So I don't know.

But what machines should I use? Oh, I did a thigh machine, which is actually for your hips. And so it's basically, you put your legs either side of this machine and it pushes your legs out and you just have to push your legs together, which is to strengthen the hips. So I did that one, did three sets of 10, very low weight.

I had to do, I did low weights on everything. And then the next machine was, I can't remember what the next one was. But there's, yeah, there was a machine where the triceps were just pushing down.

Then I changed it around to became barbells, you know, like a bicep training. And there was another one for shoulders and chest. So I did those.

So I think I used about four machines, maybe five. And then I went back and used a punch bag for another 10 minutes or so. And then I left.

And then I came home. And when I got home, I actually felt quite good. And that's the end of that story.

See you next time. Bye.