#141 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (4th May 2019)

Hello and welcome to LetMeBoreYouToSleep.com That's right, the website is back. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland.

Please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes. And that's it really. I made two recordings.

One was the Sleep Hypnosis Weekly, which I do every Friday. That's a different podcast. What was that? Sleep? Yeah, I think that's SleepHypnosisWeekly.com So, I did a long one.

It was about 63 minutes or something. And I was quite pleased. If I'm honest with you, I was quite pleased with that one.

I did pat myself on the knee for that. It kind of reached me back. So I thought, yeah, that was quite good.

I'm not going to stop saying how good it is, but yeah, it's just worth a listen. And I did a Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis recorded as well last night. Or early hours of the morning.

And that was quite long as well. That was about 36 minutes long. Normally they're about 20 minutes-ish.

And I was quite pleased with that one as well. But I was a little bit too tired to make a new one on top of that. A three in a row is... I have done it.

I don't normally do that. But it was a bit, you know. So it's now 12.30 in the afternoon.

Or is it later? I don't know. Let's have a look. No, it's 2 minutes past 1pm in the afternoon.

Saturday, whatever day this is. And I just got up about half an hour, 20 minutes ago. I'm ready to go back to bed.

But I thought, no. The thing is, I have a stomach. I have to take a stomach tablet.

Like an anti-acid tablet thing. An hour before I eat my breakfast. Although I've got muesli, so I'm not really that bothered about eating my breakfast.

But it's all part of the healthy, healthy, healthy lifestyle. That I'm going to be leading. Muesli.

I wanted to get some Alpen, because Alpen's muesli is lovely. But I thought it was full of sugar, possibly. I don't know.

They do one without sugar, and one with reduced sugar. But I like the original one. It's sweet, so I'm guessing it's got sugar, but it's not definite.

Please don't sue me, Mr. Alpen. But it does taste sweet, and it's beautiful. Oh yeah, especially with too much milk.

You know when you've got too much milk? And it just soaks it. And it gets all soggy. Oh, it's nice.

It's a bit like with weirbix. Weirbix are quite, I don't know, like lifeboats. They're not easy to sink.

I don't mean like they float on the top. They stay hard for too long. Until they don't.

It's like they're hard, and then if you cover them, if you put enough milk, not water. You could have water, but that would be disgusting. Milk in the bowl with the weirbix.

It gets to a point where they're instantly soggy. So there's no warning. It's like having a meal that's absolutely scalding hot.

And the waiter says, Manda your feet. No, not feet. Manda your hands.

The bowl is hot. And they put it down. And then a second, they take the lid off.

Because it's one of those meals with a lid. And they take the lid off. And it's freezing cold.

You know, it's something that just turns that quickly. And I've been in a few relationships that have done that, to be fair. I love you.

Not anymore. I love you. I'm not sure how I feel about you.

Yeah, but you said I love you yesterday. But I don't know how I feel about you now. But let's work it out.

That was yesterday at 11am. Or no, it was 2pm. And now this is 8 o'clock in the morning.

Let's work it out. 11, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. So it's 10 hours to midnight.

Plus another 8 hours. So in 18 hours, you've gone from loving me, to not really being sure about me. Oooh, you're best.

What's happened in the last 18 hours? As you had that happen to me, I shouldn't really... I was on a hypnosis course. So I'd started dating this... Well, not started, but I'd been with her for a little while. And she was... I booked a hypnosis course and I was going away for the weekend.

Not going away, but just travelling up to London and back on the day. And... I don't know. Maybe she thought I was cheating on her, but... I don't cheat.

I'm way too lazy for that. I don't even attempt to please one woman. Why would I try to please more than one? It's, you know, it's... I'm too lazy.

I just can't be bothered cheating. What's the point? I mean, I don't understand why men cheat. Or women cheat.

You think after... If you get to the point where you don't want to... When you just, like, can't stand the sight of someone. So if I... Let's say I'm... If you're a woman and you're with a man that you can't stand the sight of. Why would you think to yourself... I've got to get myself another man.

Why would you want to be with another one? Surely you'd want a break. Just a rest. I've got a friend and... She cannot stand being alone.

She's hasn't... She will not be on her own. She will choose a partner. A new boyfriend.

Slash husband or whatever he's going to be. Long before the other relationship ends. Will not be alone.

And some people are like that. Some people don't want to be alone. Alone, on your own, alone.

Surely that's it, isn't it? Don't want to be on their own. But they associate that with being alone. Feeling alone.

All alone. It's like an emotional, isn't it? I'm so alone. You know what? I prefer to be single for the rest of my life than be in a relationship with somebody that doesn't like me.

You know, I think that's... Right. I've done 11 minutes. This was the introduction.

This isn't the actual recording. I don't know how I got on to that subject. So if you do fancy listening to me being a bit more sensible and a bit more professional.

Well, I'm not in the least bit professional in these recordings, so there is no professionalism. But if you do fancy hearing me in a kind of a semi-professional mode then maybe listen to Deep Sleep Whispers or the weekly Sleep Hypnosis. And you've got a choice of a thousand others as well.

There's lots of different stuff that I've done. And yeah, so that's the introduction. This is just me talking about stuff.

And it will all be boring. You know, it's boring. And it's supposed to be boring.

I try and keep it light, you know. And some DJ or some radio podcast reviewer, podcast reviewer, reviewed a one of my podcasts. And there's lots to choose from.

It wasn't just the Sleep Hypnosis stuff. But it happened to be a Let Me Fall Into Sleep at the top of the list. That was like the latest one that I'd done.

And he just ripped me to bits. He really wasn't happy. And he was saying that I'd copied and all this stuff.

But the thing that got me most is he was saying that it was depressing. And that's kind of the last thing I want it to be. I want it to be boring.

If being bored is depressing, then my suggestion is don't listen to this. God, the idea of causing emotional harm to someone through talking complete rubbish really would upset me. So please don't.

It's not my intention. So if you listen and you don't like what you hear, don't listen. Don't listen again.

Find something else to listen to. There's loads of stuff out there. I say stuff jokingly, messing around.

Sometimes I say serious things but it's all kind of underpinned with a levity and a lightness. I hope. Maybe my tone of voice doesn't give the correct thing.

Maybe because it's quite slow and it's quite low and it's quite perhaps doesn't hasn't got the the comedy timing that you would appreciate. But it's just the way that I do things. It's just how I am.

So I'd really appreciate it if if for any reason you don't this doesn't you don't get what you need, then look elsewhere because there's going to be something out there. You know, never give up looking for something to help you to sleep. Don't give up on that because sleeping is too important.

And you know I'm being really serious now. It's way too important to give up. And if you're like me and probably loads of other people we bullshit ourselves.

You know, you ever get into a conversation with someone you tell them that you've got a or I have trouble sleeping. Well if you tried this I've always got a I've always got a suggestion. Even people that don't care like oh if you tried this and the amount of times that it's different things for me.

It could be mood issues. It could be I've got a bad leg or if you tried this you know even if you've got a common cold. If you tried this have you tried a Ganesha? So let's start with something that I can spell first.

And it's like well have you tried this? And the amount of times I've said I've tried everything. When the truth is I haven't tried what they suggested but I'm annoyed with them. I'm annoyed with them suggesting something which is actually a kind thing for them to do.

It's quite a personal thing. I think some people they do they're not personally involved in the conversation. It's like have you tried an aspirin? I've heard aspirins are good.

Can we now talk about trains? You know perhaps they're not quite as involved in the conversation so what they suggest may not be a personally friendly or nice thing but a lot of people will give you try to help you with something that's helped them. I mean just like if someone has a headache there's lots of different things you can do and I've got lots of different ways of I can reduce your headache. But it could be by talking to you sometimes taking medication.

You know I've I'm pretty good at self-hypnosis when it comes to physical pain. When it comes to being able to relax myself generally. There are times when I struggle you know I've got bipolar and it's powerful sometimes.

It's too powerful for me to combat against if that makes sense. Because I need my mind to do it and it's my mind that's to do it if that makes any sense.

It's like a battle that I just it's just me against my entire mind and I'm trying to get my mind on my side and it's just not always easy but I have managed to do that as well in the throes of a panic attack I've managed to calm myself down and I've managed to lots of things stop smoking using hypnosis I've done different things now this wasn't supposed to be a bragging session oh yeah there was a point okay but here's something I've done a few times sometimes I won't quit I won't give up which

is a good thing sometimes a lot of times it can be an amazing thing yeah let's face it if you're stuck in a lifeboat and you're unable to you know really move because you're not well you wanna the person that's with you to never give up rowing you know you want that that kind of person that's never going to give up which means you can lay down and just rest maybe watch watch some Netflix or whatever and you know that you're going to get somewhere eventually but so I can be a little bit like that

sometimes when it comes to headaches other pains in my body I can deal with I do take pain medication but I can deal with the niggles the niggles of being a middle aged man and maybe women have it too but I'm a man I'm not a woman and I'm not talking for other men either I'm just talking okay I should really change it the niggles of being a middle aged Jason but then does that mean I'm talking for other Jasons no I'm not okay I am all Jasons embrace and become of one but when it

comes to my head headaches I know that I can reduce the headache I can get rid of it sometimes it is simple as just going to sleep you know laying down resting my eyes going to sleep and I don't get headaches very often it's quite a rarity and I don't get bad headaches like they just last it's rare and they're not they're not migraine levels I used to get migraines when I was a lot younger but luckily I don't anymore thankfully wow so this is I will actually and this is ridiculous I will stay in

bed waiting for the headache to go and I get up and the headache's still there and I'll go back to bed and I'll spend the entire day in bed waiting for the headache to go I've done this for two days sometimes two whole days where I've had a headache and nearly every time I give in and I take some you know headache tablets specifically for your headache and the headache's gone within about ten minutes or fifteen twenty minutes so I've wasted two days out of pride and quite often I don't even attempt any kind of

hypnosis I just lay down because my headache should go by sleeping because that's kind of the natural process of things with me I find it ironic very very ironic that one of the symptoms of stopping taking painkillers is a headache or can be a headache you need painkillers to get rid of the headache it's just do you know what I mean it's like I suppose it would be like one of the symptoms of the female menopause is to get pregnant you know that would be not ironic but you know the silliness of it not that

getting pregnant is silly it's wonderful it's magic it is the most magical thing in the universe but we're talking about headaches we're talking about headaches yes we are no we're not I mean I was it's gone now the amount of times that people have said to me oh have you have you tried this it's a it's a very good thing all you do is you run out to sea you know just to the edge you don't actually run out to sea but you you paddle you have your feet unwrapped and then you just whenever the

tide comes in like a wave you scream like a seagull like a seagull and you and you run back up the beach try to avoid the water getting too too high and touching touching your you know your your trousers my Nan she used to go paddling and she called it paddling so basically she used to do her trousers up or I don't know did she wear trousers maybe she was a man she she I don't know she she used to roll something up I'm pretty sure and she'd take her shoes off wasn't wearing socks yeah

so she must have been a woman females because females don't wear socks do they and they all have long hair and what other things oh they all like pink the colour pink not the singer pink the singer pink I'm not sure so I think the singer pink's a man I think it was an irony with the thing I think it's was she is she a lady I can't remember I'm not up to date on my music ever since Beethoven died I've kind of you know I've kind of lost track I've lost track and could rename

this let me talk rubbish for no reason yes I could couldn't I went to the doctors yesterday again maybe I shouldn't mention doctors I was going to say is there are ways to get a bit of a headache or to relieve tension and you can listen to hypnosis and it's great or listen to me just reverberate on and stuff and it's very relaxing but you know what I like probably more than anything I'm just being serious what I like if it's a big bath I like a bath but my bath's not big enough for me

to stretch out in it I'm only 5'8 but the bath's you know eventually I'm going to be able to I'm going to get myself a big bath even if it means putting it in my living room seriously I'm just going to get a big bath a good you know 7ft bath oh it's going to be beautiful lovely maybe 10ft maybe a jacuzzi basically a jacuzzi is just a bath with bubbles isn't it so it's I wouldn't want to share a jacuzzi with I was going to say with other people but in reality it's probably just

other men I think if it was full of women I'd probably technically you could say that's very sexist it's not it's sexy there's a difference it's sexy because I'll be there it's not sexy because of the women there that would be sexist to say it's sexy because of all the lovely ladies that are in the thing it's not it's sexy because I'm there my sexy physique my big fat smelly belly smelly belly floating floating on top of the water like a little mountain oh you know you know actually it's all about me being so fat

that I am being so big bellied do you know why I like walking it's the truth I like walking I figured out what it was I figured out the other day I was walking through the park and I realised one of the reasons I like walking is because it's the only time I get to see my feet because they're walking in front of me even if I'm standing up I can't see my feet over my belly the one good thing about being really really skinny or really slim skinny I used to I used to be

skinny but I know it's not necessarily a good word to use and it was never used in a I never used it in a nice way towards myself because I was embarrassed by it yet I see people just as skinny as I was walking around the town walking around in the summer with their tops off and I would have been so embarrassed to do that that would have been that would have oh I could never have done that it was bad it was hard enough because when I was what was I seventeen yeah I had

a little period where I went onto the beach where I lived in the summer and for some reason I don't know why I did find quite a secluded place but there were still people there and see I'm not a sun person and I will burn and I did burn it's just there that's my skin it burns and the amount of people over the years that say no but if you keep sunbathing if you do a little bit at a time it won't I burn I sit everyone sits in their bed don't they you notice that

I've lived inside my skin most of my body most of my body most of my life I have had this skin of you know and I know it intimately there's parts of my skin get itchy get really itchy in the summer you know it's I know my skin I know what parts get cold I know what parts maybe it's maybe the bits that get cold are a bit thinner you know it's not they're not got as thick skin than that bits but I know my body and I think sure we all do not know my

body I'm sure some of you would like to you're falling in love with a weirdo with a soft gentle voice and you know that if you met him you'd wanna run away I can't believe I'm singing there's supposed to be a sleep session what I like is a massage so you can do all these different things reflexology I love reflexology but I can't afford these things but I'll tell you something as soon as I can I'll be getting them as soon as I've got an income like a decent income I'll be getting a massage at

least once a week I'll have reflexology I'll have Indian head massage I'll have aromatherapy I'll have everything I love all that stuff but a massage I used to go to a massage parlour and it wasn't a massage parlour like a like a wonderful place to go it was just a normal massage it wasn't a massage parlour it was a it was a health spa actually and I used to go there for a period of time I went there every week or two weeks because I was having muscular problems with my back because basically what happened

is in 1990 I'd say probably 95 yeah probably that would make sense about 95 1995 I was I was doing lots of agency work and I had one job that I went to and it was putting in the furniture loading the furniture or unloading the furniture from the lorries and then carrying them up to the different flats like rooms this was basically a student accommodation so each room had a bed a wardrobe and a desk I think that was about it and so everything was kind of wrapped up in bubble wrap or whatever but you

know so it was snowing it was very cold and it was snowing and I think basically because I was used to just carrying stuff none of the stuff was too heavy for me and we were doing it in twos you know like carrying it with each other two people each but I got this so basically I don't know I might have had a role of some kind I don't mean in the snow but I had some food because I think they had a canteen because it was a building site and they just literally just finished

building the block but they were still building some other stuff there and I had that it was like this port cabin and I had a cup of coffee or something yeah it's the memories coming back I haven't thought about this in absolutely years and so I went outside and because of the nature of the job I couldn't be wearing jackets and coats basically because we were physically active but also if you're wearing a coat it's very restrictive it's good for keeping you warm but it's not if you're moving around and carrying stuff it's not so

great well for me anyway so I left the coat off and I just I probably put some gloves on or something anyway the first thing I moved I think it was a a desk and they were the heaviest bits wardrobes were relatively light it was mainly just air isn't it you think that inside there's nothing inside a wardrobe until there is of course and the beds were light they came in two bits anyway but the desks they were heavy so I picked I went over someone else got over the other side and I picked up

a table off the floor and my back ripped I heard it I could actually feel it and hear it it was strange just like near the top ish of my back not the top like the neck but kind of down even with my nipple I would say but the other side obviously my back not my breast area but my back and straight away it was like really really hurt but I put it down probably I didn't warm up and it was you know it was cold and I took my jacket off so and perhaps I

didn't lift it correctly as well and I was kneeling down on the floor trying to recover and I'm making this next bit up but I think the person in charge says if you go home you won't get paid you know back then it was no oh accident at work you know let's look after him so he doesn't go to a claim organisation no one cared back then and there wasn't much in the way of protection for employees because I was just agency worker so I didn't wasn't even a proper employee to them and so I

decided to work through it and I carried on and spent the rest of the day loading unloading lorries and then loading up carrying up these various different bits of furniture to the various rooms and it's I don't know how big it was big but I don't know how many rooms a hundred or so maybe I'm not sure and so that kind of injury stayed with me it subsided but it niggled me for years so I think in nineteen ninety eight I started going to the erm that place the health spa and getting a massage and

just turned around basically it was specifically for that part the left hand side of my back the middle just that needed the most attention and apparently it's scarred she said she could feel the scar inside the you know where it ripped or torn or whatever and it's the only thing really that used to help to relieve it apart from rubbing up against a do you know like a a door frame even now it it comes and it sort of I can feel it sometimes what I need to do is press myself against a door frame

and just massage that area and it works it does it's because the thing is you say well that's wood that's that's pointy pointy-ish wood on a door frame it's not how would that be pleasurable but it's not about pleasure but at the same time I control the pressure don't I it's not like it's a door frame like leaning on me saying I'll get this bloke I'll get back for all those stupid long boring stories we have to listen to him you know stuck in this door frame errr I don't know what the errr Tom Jones

talks like that now doesn't he errr ooh ay hey ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay Tom Jones I remember when he surprised the world when alright what was it ten years ago when he was in his seventies he surprised the world by basically turning up with grey hair all this time we all believed that he had jet black jet black hair even darker than it was when he was in his twenties his hair got blacker and darker which in itself is pretty cool mmm I'm feeling really relaxed it's nice and calm in

here it's a little bit chilly when I wake up so I turn the heating on just to take the edge off still got most of the windows open mmm sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh I can't be bored to talk anymore sigh sigh sigh mmm there's practically zero going on in my mind right now