#135 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (25th April 2019)

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You to Sleep. My name is Jason Newland and this is my podcast called Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes and you can also find this podcast on many different podcast hosts such as iTunes, Spreaker, where it lives permanently, but it's shared on other podcast hosts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Stitcher, TuneIn, and CastBox, quite a few.

I'm going to get them all written on my wall so I can remember and I'll make the living room look nice. Oh, so yeah, there's a Facebook page specifically for this, for these recordings. So just go into Facebook, put Let Me Bore You to Sleep and the page should come up and you can like and follow and that way you'll be updated every time a new session is recorded because the only things I post on that page are these recordings, these podcasts.

So yesterday I did a Google, I did a Google search and I kind of spent my time doing that. And today, I managed to go out today for the first time in, I don't know, it's got to be a couple of weeks that I actually, is it a couple of weeks? I don't remember. Maybe I did go, I'm sure I went into town last week on Thursday to get food.

I had to get some cards. But yeah, I don't get out that much. And today I went to a group of some friends, a host or hold or whatever you call it and that was quite nice.

And a couple of new people, which were very nice. And my hair really got curly, really big, thick, curly hair. And my hair on my head that is.

And it was windy today. And I actually said to one of the new people I met, I said, I'll just let you know my hair's not normally like this. It's normally having short, but I thought I'd grow it because, you know, a lot of people of my age don't have the opportunity to grow hair because maybe they're going bald or although I am receding and or they might have gray hair.

And I do have some gray hairs, but they're not huge. Well, I don't know, I've never counted them. And the person I was talking to, I said, I said to her, what do you think? Does my hair look a bit weird? And she looked at it like she, I think she said, oh, something like that.

So I kind of, I thought maybe it's time to do something about my hair because I was going to grow it long. But I decided not to now. And I came home and my friend cut my hair for me.

So it's now sort of a grade two crew cut all over. So it's longer than it usually is when I cut it myself, because usually I cut it right to the scalp. So I haven't gone that that far out.

And plus, my hair grows quickly. It does grow quickly. So I need to cut it again in another month or two.

And I'm a bit tired having been out. I kind of, yeah, I'm sort of pretty much ready for bed myself. But I'll do this and then, you know, I like to try and produce the new daily sessions, you know, at the beginning of the day.

So it's like midnight now. Well, it's, what is it? 28 minutes past midnight. On this Thursday, whatever day it is, it's the 25th, I think, of April 2019.

So it's, yeah, yeah, it's Thursday. So what I'm gonna do is try and release the recordings fairly early on in the day. And just gives you the whole day to be listened to.

I don't know, you could listen to it in a year's time, it's still going to be here. But what was I going to say? I'm now feeding Andre twice as much food as I was a week ago. So I asked my friend who also had a ferret, and he said that it's natural that they want to eat more in the summer because they need to, I don't know, for whatever reason, they kind of, probably sleeps less, spends less time asleep.

He's got more energy, maybe burning off the calories quicker. But I don't remember last summer. I don't really remember any of it.

So I'm not sure if I was giving him extra food last year. I probably was. But he's making it very clear that he's hungry.

So he said, I've now got to the point where when he gets up in the morning or the afternoon, you know, whenever I get up, I give him a packet of food, a packet of cat food. He's got dry food that he can eat all through the day. And then in the evening, so let's say for today it was 12 o'clock, I gave him his breakfast.

And then it was, yeah, it was about six o'clock when he was asking me to eat again. And again, I mentioned this before, he's got into the habit of just running over to the bowl, looking in the bowl and looking up at me sarcastically. And then now he sort of, he jumps up on me.

If I don't do anything, he jumps down and goes to the bowl again, then he jumps up at me again. Seriously, if he could, he'd just help himself to the food, he'd go and get it. So I gave him a packet of food as well.

So at six o'clock, so he's not having any more till when I get up tomorrow. So he's got dry food in his cage where he sleeps at night, when I'm in bed. So, but he doesn't seem to be touching that, so I don't know, maybe, I imagine two packs of food's enough for him.

But he does need to eat the dry food because that's good for his teeth, I think for his digestion. And I think, I don't know, he's not a cat, but I do kind of give him cat food because the ferret food's all dry. So I also give him dry ferret food as well.

And you know what I'm thinking I might do right now? And you know, I'm normally just chat and be boring and stuff. And I know this is all about boring, but how about we do a, something a little bit trancy. Not trancy as in weird, but I could, shall I? It's like kind of a traditional sleep recording, the kind of thing I do with the deep sleep whisper sessions, but I won't be whispering.

Although I'm talking fairly quietly because shouting doesn't really conduce sleep or produce sleep or conductive to a nice sleep or productive. Conductive, productive, wibbly wobbly, bingy bongy bong. So yeah, I don't know, perhaps I could, I was going to read a book.

I'm just trying to find a book to, you know, to read a book out loud. But I was trying to think of what book to read because technically it needs to be a out of copyright book. So there's no longer copyright on it in the public domain.

And I did found, I found one book, but then I started looking for it and reading it, not out loud, but sort of inside my head. You know, just standard reading, looking with my eyes and scanning the words, you know, reading, reading, yeah. And, but some of it did not make sense.

The book was a edu file or something. It's like a PDF, but I think basically a photocopy of a book, photocopy of the pages. And I've done that in the past.

You know, years ago, I used to study chronic pain. I didn't just study chronic pain as in the different causes and the physiological side of it. And, you know, the CBT, mental, cognitive, you know, side of things.

But I also purchased quite a few dissertations from a college, a hypnosis college, where people were actually doing a dissertation on chronic pain and the use of hypnosis in the help of chronic pain. And yeah, so I can't learn quite a bit from that. I wish I still had that stuff.

I don't. I could still get it back. I do wonder sometimes if I've managed, if I came into some money, I don't mean if I was like suddenly independently wealthy.

I don't know if I won the lottery or something like that. And I would buy every single hypnosis book that's available to buy. And I would, yeah, that's what I would do.

So I'd replace the library that I lost. So I used to have nice big, I had hundreds of books on hypnosis. Some of them were expensive as well.

Yeah, I kind of, well it doesn't matter now, but I'd like to replace those books. But also, you know, I'd buy every single dissertation. I'd, you know, every single study that's, you know, that's been done on hypnosis.

I'd get it all. I'd purchase it all available for my specific hypnosis library. And then I'd just, I'd just absorb it.

Sometimes, you know, I used to feel, because I used to have my books and bookcases, nothing that unusual there, I guess. But the last, I think that's the thing, because the last time I had all my books out properly, I think I had five or six book cases. And I had all my books out.

And I used to have a separate, you know, there was the psychology books. I had quite a few textbooks. And there was the psychotherapy books, the counselling books.

There was the philosophy books. And then there was the hypnosis books. And I also had like a section for the Buddhist books.

So I had quite a few Buddhist books. And then I had a section for chronic pain. So I had quite a few textbooks on that as well.

So I have it all separate. And you know, it might sound strange. I didn't just have books as well.

I also had DVDs, CDs, and CD-ROMs, courses, video courses, loads of video courses. There's a hypnotist friend of mine called Jonathan Royal. And back in 1990, no, 2004 or 2005, I started purchasing his hypnosis courses.

And I purchased loads of them, lots and lots and lots. And they all used to come in DVD boxes. And sometimes they'd have like four or five DVDs in one box.

And I've never seen a box like that, which would have space for all the different DVDs. And yeah, I just remember that it was, that was really cool. I mean, nowadays, everything's sort of downloads.

And I purchased this course. It was a hypnosis course back in 2000. And I think it was 2014.

And I purchased this course. Can you believe this? I purchased it. It cost me about 650 pounds.

And then the next day, I found it online for free. I was able to download all the videos, absolutely free. And could I get a refund? No.

And I couldn't believe it. It might have even been more, but it was at least 650 pounds. It might be more than 800 mark.

I was like, what on earth? What have I done? And I've still got them, still got the download link. I've still got all, and I'm never going to get rid of them, because of how much they cost. But it was, it broke my heart.

It really did. There's so much stuff available online. Even, I used to have quite a few, like Richard Bandler audios and Milton Erickson audios, where he did lectures on hypnosis and psychotherapy.

And this was long before I even became like a counsellor, or even thought about studying counselling. So I was, I had books on counselling back in 1999. And I didn't start studying to become a counsellor until the end of 2007.

And I had no intention of studying to become a counsellor. I just was interested in psychotherapy, and how it kind of fit together with hypnosis. Plus, I did a course, and it was hypnosis and psychotherapy.

So, they would study in counsellors and therapists like Adler, and Freud, and Jung, and people like that. And Kyle Rogers as well. So, I'd already kind of, and that course was in 2002, I think it was, I did that course.

So I kind of, I suppose I edged my way towards what I ended up doing. But, yeah, if I won the lottery, I think it'd be really cool to just purchase, get hold of everything, every book on hypnosis. And have like just a library, just like, oh, this would be so cool to have my own library.

And then have every single DVD therapeutic training, whether it's counselling, gestalt therapy, whether it's whatever, really, just the whole thing. You know, person-centered counselling, family, CBT, just so many different types, family therapy, child therapy, bereavement therapy. And I thought that actually what would be really cool would be to travel around the world, not all the time, but just travel to different places and train.

And do a weekend here and there, or a week, maybe go to Florida and do a two-week training with you know, a big hypnotist, or not, I don't mean size-wise, but just someone that, you know, I look up to, or someone whose book I've read. Or go and listen to a seminar with a psychotherapist, like Irvin Yalom. That's someone that I'd love to sort of sit and listen to him talk.

And I think, is he still around? I hope. And I mean, ideally, I'd rather do it in England and just because still travelling, but it means it's more accessible. But I think it would be quite cool to sort of maybe go to like Canada or Australia and just do like a month intensive training in some new style of hypnosis or some new chronic pain relief technique or, I don't know, that sort of quite interests me, to be able to do something like that in the future.

I did do a pain relief course, actually, some training in mindfulness, and it was a week-long training course on how to help people using mindfulness for chronic pain, which is really kind of what I've been doing for quite a long time. I've incorporated those, because a lot of the things that I have done has been guided meditation in some ways, like a mixture of guided meditation and guided hypnosis, guided visualization, or just guided boredom, you know? So it's just a mixture of different things. So the last time I had all the books out properly was in 2007, before I went to college, before I went to do the counselling course.

And I moved closer to where the college was, because it was in a different town. And I ended up with my books just being in plastic containers for the next two years, or three years, taken up half the room, and the room wasn't very big. So these containers were got about, I don't know, 12 containers or something, and they were like to the ceiling.

And when I did have them all out in bookcases, sometimes I just lay on my bed, and I could feel that the knowledge in the books, I was like absorbing that knowledge. I know it sounds a bit weird, but it felt that by having it there, having those books there close by, it was like giving me something. You know, I was, yeah, as I said, kind of absorbing that, and it allowed me to be able to talk, you know, without a script, without much in the way of preparation, and to be able to just, like how may I have trust in my ability to come up with the correct words whilst making the recording, or whilst I was with clients, you know, in the same process.

Or if I was doing, leading the group sessions, the group relaxation sessions, I could just sit there and it just, the stuff just came out of my mouth, and it always, always worked. But I kind of felt like the, I was absorbing that knowledge, even from the books I hadn't read. I was somehow carrying that knowledge around, and it was available without me needing to think about it.

And I could just have trust in my own ability to say the right thing, hopefully at the right time. And I quite like that. Actually, today I offered my relaxation services to a charity, and just say, I said, you can, if you wanted, I could do like a weekly relaxation thing, group thing, and you just have as many people in here as you like, including the staff.

And I'll just sit in the chair and just talk for half an hour. And maybe I'll even, like, do it live on Facebook as well, so just stream it live, the camera facing me, not the people, because they probably want their anonymity. And so instead of just the 20 people or whatever that might be there listening, there's also the other four people on Facebook that can listen.

But the lady I spoke to, she said to put the details in an email, and I get, when I, she didn't say the word red tape, but when I hear that, the idea that I'm going to have to, I think the idea of having to convince someone to allow me to do something for free, which again, is not what she said to me, but it's just, I got a sense that it's, I don't, I don't want to put that much energy into it, you know, in a sense of either it's a good idea or not, you know, just, do you want me to come and sit down and bore you all for half an hour?

And it would be different from this, I wouldn't do this, I'd be, it'd be a very kind of, thanks Andre, he's just roaming around on the paper, doing a very squirty one right now. I don't know if you heard that, but, oh lovely, I need to get a, I need to get a carpet cleaner. Seriously, I need to all get a carpet, professional carpet cleaner, or a new carpet.

But the, yeah, I just, for me, it's, I'll offer my services once and then either people take it or they don't. I don't, when it comes to like hypnosis or relaxation sessions and the amount of times that I've offered pain relief or help with stress for people that have been, they've said that their parents are in a hospice or in hospital, and I've said, oh, I can help if you want and nothing comes of it. And in the old days, I used to go out of my way to try and convince people to, you know, let me help them or help their, the person that they care about.

And I just, I don't do that anymore. I offer once and then I'll leave it. And it's a shame because I could possibly be quite useful to some people.

Also, there's a little ego part of me now, a little ego, where I think, I just think to myself, it's not that they should know who I am, because obviously I'm not going to be known to everybody. The majority of the people in the world don't know who I am, but I don't feel like I should need to sell myself to the person, you know, sort of. I should just say, look me up, look me on, go on, just Google me and go from there.

But you can see what I do. But then that might put them off. So I'll do nice.

It doesn't really matter to be fair. It's just stuff in it. It's just stuff.

Oh, I'm feeling so tired. Really, really feeling tired. I could so easily just drift off to sleep.

But properly, you know, proper, just like as I sit here now, I could so easily drift off. That's weird, because my eyes are closed, and I'm breathing through my mouth, and the cool air is sort of going into my mouth and covering the top of my tongue, and I feel it in my throat, and it feels quite nice. Even though I've got my eyes closed, I can still see the light through my eyelids.

Of course, it's a lot less than what it was when I had my eyelids open. I was on the bus today, and I did a sneeze, and it just became nothing. And then about three seconds later, I snorted like a little pig, a little piglet.

Just this weird noise came out. Very strange. Very unusual.

I went to the library as well today. I had this idea that I'd make some recordings on specific issues, and what I would do is read about the issues first, and then incorporate that new knowledge, hopefully factual information, into a recording specifically for that issue. So I got three books today from the library, but actually I didn't end up getting three.

Well, I did end up getting three, but I was going to get four. But when I put it into the machine, it didn't recognize the barcode on one of the books. And I didn't know whether or not it meant that the machine wouldn't complete the processing of it.

So I went downstairs and went to the counter. And to get to the counter downstairs, you've got basically go through the doors, turn left, then go down the stairs. It's like a windy stairs.

It takes you quite a few steps, you know. One, two, three, four, five. It's got to be at least 20 steps, if not more.

And then you get off the steps and you turn left, and then turn left again, and that leads you towards the counter. And I said to the van, well actually, what was weird is as I'm walking towards the counter, this lady stands up and starts walking really quickly to the counter as if she wanted to get there before me, which she did. And it made no difference because there was two people behind the counter.

So I'm not sure what her benefit was. Anyway, she got there and I was too busy focusing on my own library issue. So the man behind the counter, I think he had a beard.

But it wasn't a big beard. It was one of those beards that, I think it was quite styled, very trimmed. So yeah, he looked like he'd be a very considerate lover.

I don't know what that means. He said to me, hello. I said, hi.

He said, can I help? I said, yeah. He said, that's good. And then we had a stare off and I stared at him and he stared at me and I thought, I'm not going to talk first.

You talk first. And he said, no, I'm not going to talk first. I didn't realize he had telepathy.

So he was kind of telling me this, I'm not going to talk first. But you just did. He said, no, I didn't.

Did you see my lips move? I said, I wasn't looking at your lips. And he said, that's a weird thing to say. What? What is? That you weren't looking at my lips.

Well, I wasn't. Yeah, but it's a really strange thing to say. I don't see why it's strange.

Yeah, but to just focus on the fact that you weren't looking at my lips makes me wonder, what were you looking at? I said, I was looking at your ears. He said, well, that's just rude. I said, I can't win, can I? I mean, I'm not allowed to, I tell you that I'm not looking at your lips.

And you're not happy with that. So, and you now say that I was looking at your ears and you're not happy with that. So what would you be happy with? He said, it's not really about that, is it? Well, that seems to be exactly what it's about.

He said, listen. I said, I ain't got no choice, am I? You're in my mind. You're talking into my mind.

He said, yes, I am. Now that freaked me out a little bit. I thought, oh, I'm not sure I like the way you said that.

And he said, I can still hear what you say as well, even when you're thinking. Well, that's kind of the only way you'd hear, isn't it? If I'm not talking. And so I was tap dancing Morse code.

He said, that's quite humorous. I said, yeah, I know. I can try and come out of at least one good line in each session, even if it's a silly, absurd one.

He said, yeah, I heard about you and like an absurd stuff. I said, yeah, I do. Did I tell you about the blow to the caravan and had a bucket of water? He said, yeah, he tipped over.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember that. I don't spoil it though, for people that haven't heard.

That was yesterday's recording. Oh, was it yesterday? Yeah, yeah, it was. Yeah, I was quite pleased with that.

But the thing is, it's not as if it was my, it wasn't my joke. I mean, I was just talking about what I remember happened in a film that I watched in 1994. It might be late.

Yeah, I think it was early 94. How on earth do you remember when you first saw a film? Well, what do you mean? Well, it's a bit specific, isn't it? That you saw a film. You don't remember the title of the film.

You don't remember who was in it. It was, but you remember the, the year and roughly the part of the year that it was. Yeah.

Well, I don't know. It just seems a bit strange. Well, we've all got memories, haven't we? It's just, I don't remember everything.

I just have certain things connected to certain years. Like, I don't know, the Madonna song, Like a Prayer. I'll always remember what year that was.

And I remember I was in France or Kent. It was one of them. I was at the ferry port anyway.

And that song was on. And that was number one in charts at the time. And that was 1918.

1989. It was like, wow, yeah. I'm saying that I don't remember.

Well, you do because you're me, aren't you? Yeah, and I did it just for the sake of the recording. Oh, 1989 was it? Oh. So how many years is that now? 89, 99, 1009, 2009, 2019.

30 years. 30 years ago. And actually, as we're talking about it, my first hypnosis training, proper hypnosis training was 20 years ago.

This month. I think it was, yeah, I did an intensive, I'd already done hypnosis training earlier in the year. But this was my first hypnosis only course, just hypnosis.

And it was intensive course. And it was proper deep stuff, really, really deep stuff. And I'd already got the NLP practitioner, the NLP master practitioner.

But this was, and there was hypnosis involved in that, very much involved. So I'd already learned hypnosis. So this was more.

I'd already read loads of books on hypnosis as well. I'd been studying it for over a year at that point. I'd already done a course in NLP during 1998, which also had hypnosis involved in it.

So yeah, I kind of knew my stuff, but this was intensive. And I think it was seven days in a row, and it was brilliant. Really, really loved it.

And that was 20 years ago. 20 years. Wow.

And now here I am, 20 years later, sitting in a, what I didn't think I'd ever have, would be my own flat, my own home. It's council, it's rented, it's a council property, but it's social housing. So it's a home for life, if I want it to be.

Never thought I'd have this. I've got a little Andre, a ferret. So I've got my son, never thought I'd have a son really, never thought I'd have him.

And I'm talking to myself, doing the recordings, doing, because you know, 20 years ago, this wouldn't be possible. I wouldn't be able to do this. I mean, I'm sure there was ways, obviously, to put audio onto websites, but it was not easy stuff.

And podcasts and stuff like that weren't around. And CDs were still the thing. You didn't download music online back then.

1999, it was just very slow pages. And every, oh, the pages were full of graphics, because it was, that was the way to do it, because I was building websites for fun. And you just load it with flashing, moving images, and moving text, and it slowed the page down so much.

You know, I remember, and also the webpages, the pictures took so long to download. I don't really use the class that's downloading it, but just to open up on the screen. I mean, I gave up on porn.

It was just, I mean, I remember once, the picture took so long to open up. By the time it had actually opened up on the screen, I was in a relationship with someone. You know, I didn't need it anymore.

It's just, the internet was so slow. Really, really, really. I mean, I'm talking to people that probably know this anyway, but it's still not always that fast, to be fair.

But how it used to be in that dial-up mode, I can't do the sound of it, but, and the way it used to, like, bounce, I used to love the sound of that. It was always a gamble. It was always like, is it going to work or not? I never really knew.

And then when it did work, it was like, oh, this is brilliant. I liked it so much. I absolutely loved the internet when I first discovered it.

Just the knowledge, the information on there, you know, that even now, I mean, the internet is very clogged up with lots of stuff. I sometimes think that maybe the internet needs to get rid of pages that don't work anymore. You know, any pages or websites that no longer exist, have them all deleted off of the search, so that Google no longer brings up stuff from 10 years ago, or podcasts that are no longer available to stream.

Just make the experience a lot easier, a lot simpler, a lot more pleasant, I would say. For the user. Yeah, I think quite often what I do now is I put in, if I search for something, I'll put in last 24 hours, or maybe the last 28 days or something, to try and get rid of all the old stuff that's not maybe useful, or it's not even available anymore.

And even my stuff, some of the stuff that I've got rid of, and they're not doing anymore, it still comes up under the search. I mean, no doubt it will go eventually, but some of it's it's not been available for over a year, and it's still coming up under my name. So that's where I realized that from now on, with the podcasts, I'm not deleting anything.

The only changes I'll make is adding new podcasts, new sessions, and you know, I'm not gonna change anything around, delete anything or upload it again, just because it just messes with the search engines. And also the podcast hosts as well. So that's what I'm going to do.

That's my thing, I think. Just continue to make new recordings. And hopefully, the search engines will start to take on board the new stuff.

And hopefully, eventually, the old links that no longer work will be gone, I'm hoping. That would be nice. I was wondering, here's a question.

In other countries, do you have a program called Blind Date? It's a TV show that used to be on television on a Saturday evening, I think. And with Cilla Black was the lady, she was like really, really famous. She was the biggest TV star in the country for a long time in the 80s.

And she had Blind Date and Surprise, Surprise, the two programs that she did. And she was much loved in this country. And Cilla Black, she used to be a singer.

And yeah, I think she was discovered by the Beatles, or by John Lennon. And she'd sing a little song, Surprise, Surprise. Between the eyes, that's when you know that there's a surprise, you see.

Surprise, Surprise. Something like that. Now Blind Date, that didn't have, I didn't see that, but it was the music was do, do, do, do, do, do, bom.

That was Blind Date. I think that was the tune for it. And the basic theme around the Blind Date was that there'd be one, three people sitting next to each other on separate stools.

And there'd be a big screen. And then the other side of the screen, there'd be a single stool with the single person. And the three people sitting on the other stools would compete with funny answers to questions in the hope of winning over the person that hasn't seen them yet.

And then get chosen for a date, or Blind Date. I was wondering, I thought Blind Date, this, the term should be, surprised that's not being kind of frowned upon, like un-PC, you know. But what was the other thing? Yeah, the host would stand next to the person that would be wanting a date.

And they'd have like these wacky characters do a dance and do impressions and maybe stand on their head and, you know, whatever really. And whoever the person chose, they'd like to choose, let's say, number three, because it'd be one, two, three. So if they chose number, let's say number two.

And then what Cilla Black would do, she would say, now Chuck, let's see who you didn't pick. Or now Chuck, let's see who you're not going on a date with. Or now Chuck, let's see who you're missing out on, or now Chuck, we're running out of time, just let's get on with it, you know, whatever.

And so number one would come out and start dancing and doing spins on his head and, you know, just belly flops. And, you know, he'd be wearing an astronaut's helmet, you know, just, you know, wild and crazy guy. And he'd just go and the lady sitting on the stool would be pretending to be upset.

Oh, damn, I wish I chose you. And then Cilla Black would say, to the pigs and to the bloke with the helmet. And he'd go away and the audience would clap.

I never heard it, but I imagine you hear a couple of people in the audience saying, oh. And then you get an engine, you know, what's her name? Cilla Black would say, now Chuck, let's see the last one, number three, who you also turned down. And the music would go, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

And the person would walk around. Sometimes it just go running around the screen. Sometimes they'd look over the screen and they would all look, it would cheeky look.

I think a couple of people even like crouched down on the floor and looked through the, you know, because the lady that was sitting on the chair was also a man, they alternated. I don't mean during it, but, you know, they had two halves to the program. One half, you'd have a woman and three men.

And then in the second half, you'd have one man and three women depending on which half was which. But the blind date now is hosted by a different person and they have single sex things. And, you know, it's sort of brought up to date because it's not, we're not in the nineties anymore, are we? Or the eighties.

And then the last person would be like, you know, she said, here Chuck, here's, here's Bobby. He's the one you chose and you're going to go on a date with him. And she'd get all excited and he'd get all excited and the screen was still there.

But this time, instead of walking around the screen to see her, or, you know, if it was a woman walking around to see the man, the screen would slowly pull in and slide in. So they could like face the screen. And then they could see each other for the first time.

It's not a really blind date, was it? Because they're going to already have seen each other before the date. It's more blind meeting, perhaps. And at the end she'd say, she'd say, at the end she'd say, well go on then you two, go and have some fun.

And then at the end of the show, she'd say, instead of her own way of saying goodbye to everyone, she'd say, she was lovely everyone. I loved Cilla Black. Everybody did.

She was brilliant. She brightened up Saturday evening for me and probably millions of other people. And she'd say, look into the camera and she'd say, all right then chucks, ta-ra for now.

She'd wave her hand. She said, ta-ra. And then the tune would come on.

And then the adverts came on. At this point, I'd usually be eating sweets. And I think I used to have maybe, ah, I'll explain it.

I think I'd have a glass of Coke. So maybe that's why I drink Coke now. And that's why I've got a little bag of sweets.

No, I don't. I don't. I do have a chocolate bar though.

But I heard somewhere that chocolate's good for you. And I like to believe stuff like that. Even if I do see it's written on a toilet wall.

So I'm going to go now and wish you a happy, wonderful, sleepy, weepy night, night. And remember, remember, remember, you deserve to be happy.