#111 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (11th March 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. That's my television making a weird noise. Okay yeah, my name's Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Number 111 I think.

I'm currently uploading the Let Me Bore You To Sleep 110 from two days ago. But there's been a backlog of videos I've been producing. So it's uh, I did a balloon phobia video and I don't know why but it took forever to produce on video.

No, on the editing software to render it basically. Once it's edited it goes through a process called rendering and it lasts. This one lasted for probably a good uh 12 hours if not more.

And then to upload it lasted another, I don't know, three hours. During that time I rendered the, oh god this is, this is too boring for me. I can't, I can't finish it.

Sorry, this is too boring. This is some squeaky chair. I'm struggling with talking about rendering audios, uh videos rather.

Oh really boring. So the idea behind these recordings, and actually if you do get a chance, that's Andre now, he's going to be making noise. If you do get a chance to listen to yesterday's or the 10th or the 11th or whatever day it was, the Let Me Bore You To Sleep 110, I practically fell asleep doing it.

I did really. I was like, uh, and I was thinking, what did I just say? So near the end I've fallen asleep. Andre's just, oh he winds me up.

I didn't take him out for a walk today so he's got the ump with me. I was in the toilet earlier and did something that he hasn't done for a long, well I can't remember the last time he did it. I went to open the door after I'd finished and he'd ripped all the carpet up.

You know, you're just like, why? I'm sitting down sometimes and I say, Andre, why do you do this stuff? And he always just says, because I'm a ferret. That's what ferrets do. I said, but why can't you be different? Why can't you act differently? And he said, yeah, but you don't like it when people on Facebook expect you to act differently to who you are.

Yeah, I know. So why should I act differently to who I am? I'm a ferret. Yeah, and you're someone that says silly stuff.

Yeah, well when you stop saying silly stuff I'll stop acting like a ferret. Okay. No, I'm the boss.

I'm in charge. Well, when you start taking yourself seriously, then I'll start thinking about stop being a ferret. Isn't it a weird thing that taking yourself seriously thing.

I do that sometimes. And I wonder why, why did I just do that? That's a bit silly. I'll chuck him out the window in a minute.

He won't just eat the stuff out of the bowl. What he's doing is he's finding bits of food that he has left on the carpets to stick to the carpet. And now he's ripping it off the carpet and make just, seriously, if he had a drum set, he would be setting it up right now.

It's just completely out to get me. He is. He's out to get me.

Hear him. That's him. It's not me.

It's him. I'll put him to bed soon, but I can't do it while I'm doing this. So what I'll do is I'll do this.

And then by the time I finished this, I bet you he'll gone back to his bed or gone back to his, his bag and gone to sleep. And I'll pick up his bag and say, it's time for bed. And he'll be saying, but why daddy? I've been really good.

Yeah. For the last four minutes. I'll be going to bed myself as well.

I've got some stuff I need to do tomorrow. I'm gonna, my main thing, I don't know. I'm trying to get out more.

I'm trying to get out more. My, went to the psychiatrist and psychiatrist said, he said, you need to get out more, JJ. I said, okay, but do you need to put your hand on my when you told me this? He didn't, he didn't know.

He didn't have his hand on my knee. He didn't. Not my knee.

No, he didn't. He was the other side of the room. Imagine if he did though, be like Mr. Tickle from the books, you know, big long arms.

Wee, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle. Yeah. There's a fine line, isn't there? Between tickling and assault.

There's this fine, fine, fine line. Depends, I suppose, where you are. If you're at work, if you're at church, if you're at school, if you're in the swimming baths, swimming pool, helping someone out of the, maybe struggling to get, maybe they're slipping on the stairs, you know, the, what are they called? The, like the stair thing at the corner of the, of the swimming pool to get out of the water.

Maybe they're slipping and you help them out, but maybe you decide to give them a little tickle instead. See, it's a fine line, fine line, but you know, that's how I met my girlfriend. Yeah.

I thought she was just another pensioner, but no, it turned out that she was the love of my life for a little while anyway. So I think too much seriousness. So maybe that could get in the way of being able to sleep, because if you're taking yourself seriously during the day, chances are that person may be taking themselves seriously at night.

I don't know. Maybe, maybe some people just like drama. There's drama to the rest of us.

Maybe that's what it is. Maybe some people just, because there's something to be said for that. You release, it's with adults.

Okay. With children, there's a film called Play Therapy. And what you have, I'm a therapist, you know, I know, I know about this stuff.

And Andre's climbed on me and now sniffing my balls, which is lovely. Thank you, mate. You know how much that costs me, if I had to pay a human to do that? I love you, baby.

I love you. Now sniff my balls. No, he just loves horrible smells.

His dream, if he could get him, if he could get down the drain, he would. That's his dream. If he could get him, if I could take him somewhere like a sewage, he would love that.

That would be like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory to him. The sewage, like all that waste, that human waste. It'd be like dribbling.

You'd be so excited, wouldn't you? He's yawning at me. Don't take the piss. You're not tired.

I'll take my glasses off so I can see him. You've got your little tongue out. You're a wind-up merchant, you are.

Yes, you are. Yes, you are. Your little tongue out like that.

Yes, you're hot. You're hot. Gonna rub noses.

You have to behave yourself. When I'm doing a recording, it'd be nice if you could keep quiet just for that time. It's only for an hour at the most.

It's not like I'm asking you to be quiet for an hour and 20 minutes. Can you hear him sniffing? Tickle tummy, tickle tummy. He's laying on me and he's not moving for some reason.

He clearly wants my attention. But we're not going out. Oh, didn't like that.

He's off. Okay, see you then. Let's knock on to some water.

It's quite weird because he has the water. I've got this big blue bowl that I put out. It's basically a cat litter box.

But I don't own a cat, so I bought it new. And don't tell him that it's for cats to shit in because he might get upset. But I've put water in it and he drinks out of it, but he also dips his chin into the water and moves it around.

So the water's just, his whole chin is like a beard of water. It's very cute. So what was I saying? I was talking about something, but I forget what it was.

Oh yeah, taking ourselves, oh, play therapy. So with play therapy, a child, you've ever heard the expression, Tommy, use your words, you know, from a parent. Tommy, use your words.

If you don't, you're going to go to the dorky step. And it sounds, I always think it sounds funny when I hear that, but there's so much in it. It's like, wow, yeah.

So basically, instead of the kids stomping up and down and turning into a miniature Hulk, just, okay, I'll use my words. I am not happy with your decision. I'm not happy with your breakfast.

You're the breakfast cereal you chose to buy. It made me feel very, very disappointed. So with kids in therapy, we've got play therapy, and they can kind of reenact stuff.

Maybe reenact a scenario that might happen in their, you know, at home or they might, it's like a way of them releasing the energy, the anger, the frustration, but using like dolls instead of actually physically doing it with another person. See, adults sometimes seem to just do the equivalent of that, the equivalent, but with other people. So they'll take it out on the wrong people.

So they're frustrated about something else, but then they'll take it out on someone that isn't to blame for their situation or for what they're feeling. And so it's kind of very childlike behavior, but they're not, and we all do it at times. I know I do.

Sometimes I have to, I enjoy doing it if I can. I don't at all. I'm just making it up.

But it kind of just shows that in some ways, little kids are way more advanced than adults in some ways. Because you imagine being in your 40s plus and aiming hostility towards another person who isn't responsible for how you feel. It's a shame, isn't it? But you know, I think something I realized years ago, years ago, I have to remind myself of it sometimes, is that the only reason people are being arseholes is because they're hurting.

Arseholes are in pain. It's true that people that are complete knobheads are generally, they're hurting. They're not happy.

So I shouted at an ambulance the other day. I was making too much noise. Honestly, I went to the garage.

I didn't shout at the ambulance driver, just the actual vehicle. But I went to the garage, my local garage, and it was closed again for the second time because they've got a sandwich delivery and they close to put the sandwiches out. Because they don't have enough staff to actually do the job, to keep the business running.

There's clearly not enough money in petrol anymore, in selling petrol. I thought it was quite a lucrative business to be in. So the first time it happened, about three weeks ago, I was knocking on the door.

Person inside said, we're closed. I said, you know, open up then. He said, no, we're closed.

I said, well, just let me in. And it was one of those non-win situations for me because I was saying, why are you closed? Because I couldn't understand it. I've never known anything like that to happen before.

Like it's never been closed before ever since I've lived here. And I've never known a garage to just be closed and have all the lights on and have staff in there. It's like, are they being robbed? What's going on? And the bloke inside said, there's nothing to do with you.

Why are we closed? I don't have to tell you why. I was like, oh fuck, I put my hand through this glass. Oh, I wish I could tickle him.

Big old tickle, big old hug. It was just, so my concern changed from concern to mild frustration possibly. And I then left and I had to walk to the shop, I think.

And I only go to the garage when I need something. I don't go there for the scenic view. I don't go there because I enjoy the company of the staff.

I go there because it's something I need. And I just, anyway, I decided if it happened again, and I had these cordons, you know, the orange, I don't know what they call them, the traffic cones that they put in the entrance, three, to stop the cars coming in. And I thought, if they do this again, I'm going to remove those traffic cones, chuck them in the ditch, and let all the cars come in and fill up with petrol and see how they like it.

Let the person inside the garage deal with that. I thought, nah, next time, if it happens again, and I forgot about it. It hasn't happened for about three weeks.

And, you know, I let it go, kind of. And then it happened again on Friday. I think it was Friday.

Yeah, it would have been Friday, about half five. And again, I just walked in, I didn't notice the cord, the traffic cones up the other side, because I just walked in, I didn't even notice there was no cars. I just walked in, all the lights were on as normal, pushed the door, didn't open.

This time there was no one in there, couldn't see anybody. And all I wanted to do, apart from, I don't know, redecorate the garage, but apart from that, what I want to do is to move the cordons, move the traffic cones, chuck them in the ditch, or just move them, just move them, I haven't got to chuck them in the ditch, but places full of ditches everywhere, so just push them away, so all the traffic can come in, get their petrol, and then walk up to the garage, and they can't get in, start banging on the window, just to see the person saying, no, we're closed.

You know, just, I probably wouldn't stick around to watch it, but it just, I don't know, part of that feels right, but I know it's kind of not, I suppose.

But I didn't, I didn't do it, but I was walking away. This time I had to walk all the way up to a shop, because there was something I needed to get, which meant that's another hour of my time, and it was raining, and it was windy, and it was cold, and every time a car or lawyering passed, I was getting covered in water from the, you know, the gutter, and I had Andre with me, and it was being a pain as well. You know, he didn't want to be in his bag, he wanted to walk.

It was very, so I was just, yeah, I think at one point I got sprayed by a van, so I shouted something at the van, probably, and then there was an ambulance, and I shouted ambulance. I'm now turning into that crazy, shouty person that every town has one, don't they, where there's some, at least one person walks down this road shouting at cars, and just, you know, I mean, just a little bit not in touch with reality, possibly, and I thought, oh, I want to shout at least one more, one more time. I didn't, but I wanted to.

What I really need to do is to go into the, go into a, I don't know, somewhere where there's no one around, and just have a good old yell. That's all it was, just to let out some of that energy. Eventually, I got back, I went to the shop, got what I needed.

The bloke behind the counter was, wasn't rude, but he was cold, like really just uninterested. I don't want people, I don't expect people to ask to see a family album when I go in there, you know. Not really got any pictures of you when you was a kid, a bit weird.

No, I mean, just generally, you know, maybe kids of you, where you were at Christmas, maybe your first bike, you know, maybe, you know, when you were in the early 20s, perhaps the first or second girlfriend. You ever been, ever been, you know, married or, you know, had any kids or anything? I said no, no, just, you know, I didn't want that. I don't want that.

You know, I don't expect the person behind the counter, I don't know, I don't expect them to invite me home for dinner. I want to come home for Christmas, you know, not Christmas dinner, I want to come home for Sunday lunch. My mum makes a very good, very good roast potato.

Very good, yeah, we can all make roast potatoes, they're just, it's quite easy. No, she makes really nice ones. Yeah, lots of people do.

They're not that difficult. Well, can you make nice roast potatoes? I said no, but that's not the point. It's, you know, if I wanted to, I could.

Just like if I wanted to pilot a plane, I could. I would just have to learn how to do it. I can't drive a car, but if I wanted to, I could learn.

Do you understand? He said, yeah, that's a bit rude. I only invited you around for lunch because I thought you were nice. I had a lovely smile of yours, and then I just like the idea of looking across the table and seeing bits of my mother's roast potato hanging from your beard.

That's just, I didn't want that, but at the same time, I didn't want the coldness that's felt. It's like, there's your back there, bye. That was it.

It's like, oh. I didn't want to cuddle. I didn't want to cuddle, although I could probably have used a cuddle generally, you know, the way I was feeling, but just a little bit of, ooh, a bit cold.

It's got to be difficult, though, working, doing something you don't, you know, if someone doesn't like doing, I suppose. I wonder if he's into drama. I don't know.

It's been a weird day, day to day. All I've done is sleep. I had no problem sleeping today.

Most of it's been just in my big black squeaky chair. I've just been laying, lying down on it, lying down, lying back in it, on it, with it, on it, together with it. I'm loving it.

And just maybe listening to the radio or maybe just listening to the wind. It's been, it's been that nice level of wind where I can just sit here and be relaxed, listen to the wind. You know, you can hear it outside.

I've got, I've got the windows open slightly. So it's a nice sound. So it's a relaxing level.

It's not the level when, you know, sometimes really, it's really strong. And although I still like it when it's strong, there's still that little bit of concern that a tree outside might fall down and crash through into my home. So that's less relaxing than the, just the mild wind.

It's, it's just, it's more smoother, more, I don't know. I quite like it. I quite like weather.

It's about as mundane as saying, I like to laugh. I do. I like to laugh.

Yeah, I think we all like to laugh. I don't think anyone's laughed and thought, oh, that was horrible. I don't want to do that again.

Please don't ever make me laugh again. That felt awful. Oh, wrong.

Oh, that was awful. No, it probably never happened. So I've got a couple of donations.

It's not really donations, you know, in a sense of a couple of people that appreciate what I do, send me some money, just kindness, gave me a present, gave me a gift. Because it's not earnings. I've not done a job and collected money.

I've not worked for it, apart from the last 13 years. But, you know, it's, I'm not a charity. I'm not a, I'm not a business.

I'm nothing. I'm just a person attempting to do something a little bit different. A little, little bit different.

And I was thinking today, thinking today that maybe it's time I look for a job. And it's probably not time because I've only just started going out and can't say that I'm enjoying every experience of getting on the bus during the day. But I don't know, I'm thinking maybe it's time to focus elsewhere, possibly.

So yeah, I'm going to see what happens. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but I'm just, over the next week, I'm going to just put some feelers out. I do have a tendency though, in the past, when I've made a decision to get a new job, you know, maybe to leave the job on that or whatever it is, when I kind of really, really make that decision, then things start to move quite quickly.

And I usually have a job within a week or two, you know, I move and I get it done. So the thing is, I've done a lot of, well, most of the jobs I've had, apart from counselling, and you know, the therapy stuff, has been working in call centres. And I don't mind call centres actually.

There's aspects of it that I'm not crazy about. But I think with call centres, the best and worst parts of the job is the same thing. And that's the people.

And, you know, I think it can be the best and worst, depending on what mood I'm in, and depending on what kind of people, because there's so many different people that realistically, you can't get on with everyone, or you're not going to enjoy the company of everybody. That's just standard human thing, you know, you can't, you're not going to enjoy smelling every fart that's presented to you, you know, it's just generally, even if you're on, you're not even going to enjoy every fart of your own. Not everyone smells, not every single one smells nice.

There are going to be odd ones, you think, oh, God, that's, that's, there's someone else living up there, there really is. That's not one of mine. So, but then you've got the other side, where it's the, when I've worked in call centres, there's always some really nice people that I get on with.

I get on generally with most people. And so that's, I have a look. The problem is that I live in an area where there's not many call centres, but it's a train journey away, 20 minutes on a train, and I'm at a place where there is lots of call centre jobs.

But that 20 minute journey is going to be an hour journey, with the getting to the train station, and then getting from the train station to the job. So that's two hours a day, added on to the 40 hours a week. So what's that? Two, four, six, eight, 10.

So that'd be a 50 hour week, instead of a 40 hour week, or a 47 and a half hour week instead of a 37. That's a lot of hours added on really. So I'm not sure about that.

Not sure. But then I suppose realistically, if I was to get a job in the town I live, it would also be a journey. It'd be probably nearly an hour to get there, and an hour back.

So yeah, it's probably not going to be that much difference, to be fair. Because from where I live, it's about 20 minute walk to the train station. And it's 20 minutes to the town, the next town.

And then I'm guessing another 20 minutes, 10, 15 minutes, if it's central to the office. So yeah, we'll just see, maybe. Because if I open up the possibilities of going to the other town, which is where I used to work, there'll be a lot more possibilities, I think.

A lot more options, a lot more positions available. So it might be easier for me. I don't know.

I'm not sure. The thing is, I'm 48 now. And when was I 48? When? I think it was two days ago, or it might have been three days ago.

It might have been Friday or even Thursday, but I think it, I'm pretty sure it was Saturday. Or was it now Sunday? No, it wasn't yesterday. It was probably, it might have been Wednesday even.

But I went online, went to the government website to find out when I can officially retire. So I put in my date of birth. And what year was it? I think it's 2038 is when I can retire.

So it's 19 years. I think it's something like that. And they said, well, actually, it might be long.

It might have to, it might be more than that. Because we've not, apparently every year they correct it. Every year they change it.

So they might decide to add another year to it. I mean, when I worked, when I first started working, the retirement age was 65 for a man. Possibly, possibly less than that.

It might have been 60 for a man, but I think it was 65 for a man. And for a woman, I think it was 60. Very sexist, isn't it? Yeah.

Especially as women statistically live longer than men. So you think it'd be the other way around, that men would retire earlier than women based on that. But we're supposed to add logic into politics.

And because let's face it, the people that make these rules up, they're biased. Everyone, we're all biased towards what we want. We're biased towards what we think is a good idea.

So whoever made that rule up, whoever kind of, they would fought for it because they liked that idea for whatever reason. And maybe it was a woman that made the idea up and she wanted to make sure that all her female brethren get to retire earlier than men. Who knows? Maybe it was a man and he didn't like the idea that women were working.

So he forced them to stop working earlier. Who knows? I could research, but I don't care enough about it. It's a little bit like electricity.

I click the switch, the light comes on. That's all I want to know. Not interested in anything else to do with it.

I think life should be like that. I want everything to be like that. I want to be able to go to sleep.

I'll just lay down on this chair, drift off to sleep. And then in an hour's time, kind of just wake up and my toenails have been cut. And it's all, you know, they're all nice and pampered.

And maybe you have a little lovely snooze and you wake up and there's a nice hot meal next to me, just at the right time when I'm hungry. And someone can just feed me. Basically, I want to live in an old people's home.

I want to be a residential. I want to be an old person, like really old. I don't really, but there's this laziness that I have.

It's not laziness as in not wanting to work. It's a laziness as in not wanting to do anything for myself sometimes. I want someone to wash me.

I want someone to run the bath for me. I want someone to dry me off. When I've had a bath, maybe to wash my hair and to scrub my back, you know, stuff like that.

But I want to be able to stand up and have someone wrap me in a towel and maybe have a smaller towel for my hair. So yeah, I basically, I think I need to be babied. I don't know.

I think it'd just be nice to be pampered. I did, I had this girlfriend once, honest, I did. And I forget her name, but she, she was in the bath and she got in the bath and it was at that, it was that point in the relationship where the, it wasn't that the spark was no longer there, but we were like maybe three weeks in, it wasn't as new or fresh as it had been, you know.

And she was in the bath, I was watching EastEnders on telly and, and she said, JJ. So I've turned the telly up and eventually, you know, I couldn't, she was shouting so loudly, I couldn't pretend to not hear her. So I went in there and said, yes.

She says, can you, can you wash my hair please? I said, well, someone cut your hands off. She said, what? She said, well, you still got your hands? She said, yeah. I can't believe she actually held her hands up.

I said, look. And I realised I was getting nowhere with that one, so I thought, okay. And so I put the, put the, I think her hair was wet and I don't think I've ever washed anyone's hair before, apart from my own.

I don't know if, she says, my brothers, we used to have baths together sometimes. And when we were, you know, tiny, it was like, even then I think usually we used to have a bath on our own, but might have like washed each other's hair. I don't know, but no, I don't know.

I don't know, I'm not sure. I don't think I've ever washed a woman's hair, but anyway, her hair was like a scowler, you know, one of those, you know, the things you use for, you know, you get a saucepan that hasn't been, basically it's like, it's been, you cook something in it, whatever you cooked is burnt and you decided just to leave it on the cooker for about two months. I haven't bothered to put any water in to rinse, you know, to soak it or anything, just left it.

So you need a scourer to try and get rid of some of that burnt, burntedness off of it. I'm not saying that's what her hair was like, I'm just saying it wasn't, it was just, it was, it was, yeah, it was fine. Perfect, lovely hair.

It was nice. But anyway, I put the water on her, yeah, I think I poured some water on her head and I actually, she didn't realise that I was pretending to baptise her. I was pretending to be a priest.

I thought, oh, this is good. All you need is a saucepan and a bath. It's like the saucepan, it wasn't the saucepan that was burnt, it was a different saucepan.

And then I saw her rubbing shampoo into her hair and just, yeah, I think she just rinsed it off. I think, and she said that I wasn't very sensual. I said, what do you mean? She said, you know, washing the person, was it, washing the person, washing the person who loves hair is a sign of love, a sign of care and a sign of intimacy.

And I said, yeah, but EastEnders is on, so washing your hair is really a sign of interruption. It's a sign of annoyance. It's a sign of me not seeing the end of the television programme that I was watching.

Do you understand? And she said, no, you should put, put me before a television programme. And I thought, oh, I'm not going to win this argument. So I better not, better stop before it starts.

And so, sure there's more to that, but yeah, I washed her hair and she actually had brown hair when I met her. And I think I saw her a couple of times, dated, went out for a date two or three times, four times, five times or something. And then one day she turns up and she's got bright red hair.

I think that's a bit rude. Is this bright red hair? Or was it red ginger? But it was, it was a completely different colour hair to what she had. And I know it's her hair and she's got every right to look like a clown if she wants, but oh, is this a bit, oh, you know, I could feel my retinas burning.

I could just, it was a bit too bright. And luckily I had a blindfold. So I put that on.

But who's this? What? What? But she didn't acknowledge it. It was like, just like, it was just another, you know, nothing, nothing new. Oh, excuse me.

Excuse me. I've been learning Romanian and so far the word yes is da. I'll keep you updated on my progress.

So she had this really bright hair. So I'm, I don't know if it is, maybe it's change. Maybe, maybe, maybe I struggle with change.

I don't know. A little bit possibly. But I think she'd have turned up with, I don't know.

I think she'd have turned up with a picture of Beyonce or a tattoo of Beyonce on her forehead. I'd have had the same reaction. You know, it was like, oh, that's interesting.

That's new. Yeah. I don't know.

Strange little thing, isn't it? Love, love, love. So this next week I'm going to be looking at making a few changes. Joined the gym, but not been yet.

If I haven't been the next two weeks, I'm going to have to cancel that because that's £13, £14 a month that I can't be wasting or not doing it, you know, not going. Kind of strange. So what are we now in March 2019? It's just really weird just to think back to 1999, March 1999, March 97.

All right. I was 22 years ago, March 97. I was working.

I was doing security and I don't know what month of the year. I had a girlfriend as well, I think, at the time. And then I was living with my friend.

And then March to March 1998. Yeah. March 1998.

I was probably starting to learn NLP and I just started to learn, you know, 1998, I just got my first two books on hypnosis. So I probably was reading about hypnosis for the first time, learning a little bit, not really understanding it. Not really realizing I was ever going to really ever understand it, really.

I don't end up just doing some kind of boring stuff in 20 years time. And 1999. Yeah.

So this March 1999, I was, if I remember rightly, doing the Master Practitioner in NLP. Yeah, I was doing the Master Practitioner in NLP. March 1999.

I'd have to look at the certificate, which is hidden away somewhere. So that's 20 years ago. And I did my first hypnosis course in April or May 2000.

No, 1999. And that was like a standalone, full on hypnosis course, proper intensive. I think it was like seven days intensive course.

I've done other courses as well, but that was the first. NLP includes hypnosis. It's all part of it.

But the course I did in hypnosis was like proper, full on, full on. That's brilliant. And yeah, wow.

So 20 years ago, things were pretty good for me. Yeah, things were pretty good. I was doing what I wanted to do.

For the first time in a long time, and I was learning new things, learning about hypnosis and learning about, not knowing what I was going to do with it, but just getting that initial excitement, you know, of it. Still, even after a year and over a year of doing it. And yeah, but not knowing where I was going to lead.

And here I am now. And this is where it led. Wow.

Who would have thought that? I reckon if my trainers could see what I'm getting up to, they'd probably give me a refund from the training. That is not what we taught you. So that's the end, I think, of this thing.

So I wish you well and goodbye.