#93 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (10th February 2019)

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland and my extra squeaky chair. You know sometimes I'll sit in it and it doesn't seem to don't seem to do much. It never really does much but it doesn't make a particularly interesting sound unlike what's coming out of the bedroom from Andre and what he's doing with one of my old slippers.

But that's uh I'll leave that to your imagination. Then there's other times when I'll just any single movement any any specific you know anything. Just the movement of my jaw whilst talking seems to stimulate the squeakiness of the chair for whatever reason.

So I still have to figure out a setup for this. A nice By setup I mean when I do the deep sleep whisper hypnosis sessions. I've now got a routine for that.

Took a while but I know I've got a routine. I do it at the same time each day. I record them in my bedroom.

Andre is in his cage so there's no distractions other than maybe you know backgrounds sounds. Although that's not really a distraction. But when I do these let me bore you to sleep.

For some reason Andre comes alive. It's just a bit annoying. Not that he's alive but just that he's decides to be very animated.

Luckily he's in the other room and he might be in there for a while. He's a he's a very considerate lover. He'll be some while.

Oh dear. So please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes. And if you're watching a video on YouTube this video rather not any video or any of my videos but only watch if you can safely close your eyes as this purposely recorded boring session may cause boredom.

And I don't know about you but when I get bored closing my eyes is the most what feels like the most sensible thing to do. Unless I'm in a glider you know. I need to keep my eyes open or parachuting.

Thing is you're parachuting you don't need your eyes open the whole time. But at certain times you do need your eyes open. You know it's a timing thing.

I'd have thought people that jump out of planes would there be a timer on the parachute. Some kind of. These cars can have the distance.

You know your cars can tell how far they are away from the car in front of them. They've got those. I'm not a driver but I'm not an astronaut either.

I'm not an electrician. Lots of things I'm not. But I'm not.

Is it sensors? Distance sensors or something where they can sense an object ahead and how far it is. And also I think can't some cars park themselves. Well I'd have thought a parachute would be able to have that sensor to know that it's I don't know a thousand foot above the ground or whatever distance it needs to be for the parachute to open.

Just in case. You know what actually to be fair I was going to say in case a person fell asleep but I can't see any situation where if I was jumped out of a plane that I would fall asleep. It's probably the least boring thing that I could imagine ever doing.

It's not exciting because I don't see something like that as an exciting thing. Scary for me. Not really into heights.

I don't mind bridges that work. You know I don't mind like walking across a bridge and not into. Then there's a difference between being heights and flying.

Like some people say well you can fly. Flying's the safest form of transport. Not when all you've got is a parachute on your back and you're in the air on your own.

Because technically you are flying but you're not. You're dropping. But it feels like you're flying apparently.

Not really. Can't imagine I'd just be there going oh this is boring. Oh still got another five seconds before I can open the parachute.

Oh I'll just have a little nap. No I don't see that occurring. If you are watching on YouTube please.

Oh I've got itchy head. Please subscribe because I need to get a thousand subscribers. And so far I've got 205 on my new YouTube channel.

And I'm going to keep calling it a new YouTube channel even though I've had it for a few months. Probably what six months? Five months? Six? Because that's the only way to justify only having 205 subscribers. But I feel I'm quite lucky because the subscribers I do have they're like the best subscribers in the world.

They are. Just like the people that listen to my recordings on my podcasts. I had the best audience.

The best listeners. And very loyal. Very kind.

I only ever have nice comments given to me which says just as much about them as it does about me. It shows that they're very kind and also shows that I'm amazing at what I do. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. Shows I'm very boring. I suppose in a way I've got the setup quite nice for these boring sessions because if someone wanted to be insulting they could tell me that it's really boring.

But then that's a compliment because it's supposed to be. So it's kind of a win-win situation really. I'll just have a little drink.

So I haven't made one of these for three days I think. And there's no particular reason. I've just been working on the podcasts and my website and I don't know if I mentioned... I don't even know if I've done a Let Me Boy To Sleep since.

But I've now got the podcast back on. And I probably did talk about it but I forget what I've spoken about because nothing I speak about is really... it's not something that I need to remember. It's just a bunch of words you know.

And I'm not sure if I mentioned why or what's happening with the website but I do I mildly recollect having discussed this topic in a degree of depth on my last Let Me Boy To Sleep recording. So I won't do it again. But just in case I hadn't mentioned it at all.

I did get rid of the website for a couple of days and now it's back. Luckily the host, it's actually Shopify, is who I use. And I don't need really to use Shopify in a sense because I don't sell anything.

But I will be in the future. So I'm kind of trying to plan it and I don't know why but I like Shopify. Plus I've got thousands of pages on there.

So I thought well if I'm gonna get the website back I might as well get it back with Shopify if I can rather than starting from scratch. As my friend Sebastian pointed out to me that because I've done this so many times over the years. Deleted my website and then gone back and spent another I don't know 500 hours building a new website.

Because it's not just the website building. Although I don't build it you know. I now use the, I don't build it from scratch, from code.

But because of how many sessions I have it's a lot of work that goes into. A lot of it is copy and paste to be fair. It's quite tedious.

And I've been doing a lot of tedious stuff lately regarding the website and also my podcasts. And it's you know regarding organizing it. And I have to have breaks because it's really boring.

You know I mean in a way I prefer just to produce new content and have it all magically go to the places it's supposed to go. And be available to the correct audiences and automatically be on my website and promote itself you know. And make its own video and that doesn't quite work that way.

So it's a it's just a quite a quite a bit of time that goes into it. It's not difficult but it's time consuming. And but and also at this time I'm not getting, not getting massive interest on YouTube.

But then I've got a very you know small audience at the moment. And I've also got an itchy back. That's better.

This chair is way too squeaky. And so yeah it would be nice to, I'm looking forward to that. I don't know what the right word would be.

But there's a point in pretty much every YouTuber who creates regular content where like a spike occurs. And suddenly they kind of get discovered. Discovered but more I don't know if it's that YouTube perhaps starts promoting the videos.

Or you know makes them more visible in the searches. I'm not really sure. But every every YouTube channel I've ever had is always kind of time when there's a spike.

And I start to get more subscribers. More comments. More likes.

More visits. More plays. Like accumulatively growing.

Which is I think what that's the same word isn't it? Accumulative accumulatively accumulative accumulative yeah growing. And it hasn't got to that point yet. It might take another six months or a year perhaps for that to happen.

But I'd like to yeah I'd like I've had so many YouTube channels since 2007 I suppose. You know the very first video I ever did was in black and white. I think it's still available on Dailymotion I think.

Because YouTube wasn't the only video platform on the internet. It still isn't the only one but it's the only one really that is it's the most popular one. And it's pretty much by far the dominant one.

But like back in the day back in the day there's a few like Break or Breaker. And some of them have stayed but they've changed. Changed what they do.

Like focus on different things. Dailymotion and what other ones was there? Some were quite popular as well. You know I had some that I got thousands of plays on videos really quickly.

And then the website or wherever they were just sort of shut down. Shut down their service. What was there was one that was really good and I'd upload a video and I'd get thousands of plays overnight.

Like just instantly. So it must have been a popular popular video platform but I think it's just like no one could compete with YouTube. And then you got Google that owns YouTube.

So the two biggest search engines on the internet. Google and now YouTube. So Google being the biggest search engine it's obviously going to promote its own videos.

But then you search on YouTube and that's that's a search engine as well. As far as you know for videos. I do I don't know if it's is it vain but I do search for myself.

It's just I want to I want to know where I am like on the listings you know on the pages. So if I put my name in just Jason Newland. I'm at the top on the first search of Google anyway.

And it's just got my website. Then there's Facebook and possibly Twitter. And then there's an infectious diseases doctor is on there with my name.

Somewhere there's a cage fighter as well that's got my name. But I'm kind of I'm at the top of the list of people with my name. You know as far as search engines go.

But on YouTube if you put hypnosis in it's as if I don't even exist. Eventually you come across video of mine. But I think some people they've got they didn't like the or some people have actually said to me.

I've got too many videos. But then that's because I've been working and producing them for over 13 years. That's why there's so many.

And at the moment I'm doing an average two a day. So which is well that's over 700 a year. So you know it's all I'm only going to be doing more.

I would like to do three a day. I'd like to do a thousand this year. Just one of my little little goals.

No it's not a little goal it's a massive goal. But it's still on my wall to get. I don't think I'd like 10,000 subscribers on YouTube.

A thousand new videos and a million plays on my YouTube channel. I think I think that's what I've got written down on the wall. But I can't quite see it because it's at an angle.

Well it's not really the wall that's an angle. It's my my eyes in comparison to the wall. I can't see.

Yeah it's like peripheral vision and peripheral vision isn't. I think it's like the great greatest greatest way to read. I think peripherals probably better for movement.

You know I mean. Yeah. With the podcast it's going well.

It's actually things are picking up. Well picking up not picking up from having dropped. They're just continually to grow.

Now I'm getting most days I'm getting over a thousand downloads plus plays. So it could be another 100, 200 plays on top of that each day. And it's growing.

And I do feel thankful for that. It's quite groovy. I quite like it.

And there's still a lot to do. There's still a lot of podcast listeners out there that don't know about me. And there's still some links on the Internet to old podcasts that don't even work anymore.

So I think it's it take time before the links are a bit more available a bit more obvious obvious online. So well it's just a longer way of saying that I should be easier to find in six months or a year. Provided I don't delete anything.

As long as I keep the links the way they are. That's kind of what's needed. So I don't know.

I'd like to build up I think probably by the end of this year. Now that I've reached over a thousand a day. I'd like to hit 10,000 downloads a day by the end of this year.

So it's a challenge. But it's definitely one worth going for. And because it's growing I think you know I have done I've had days where I've had 1,800 downloads.

So I know that I can nearly reach 2,000 already in a day. So I'd be I'd be interested to see where I can go with it. So 10,000 by the end of the year.

10,000 downloads each day on my podcasts would be. I think that'd be really cool. Because it's nearly 4 million a year isn't it.

Which is good. And then probably by the end of the following year I'd like to maybe reach 100,000 a day. But you'll have to wait and see.

But I want to I want to get 10,000 a day by the end of December this year 2019. 19. No no no no no no no no no.

19. And I think it'd be cool to do that. But at the same time I want to do some other stuff as well.

I don't don't want to just do boring things. You know I do because I've yesterday well the night before not last night or it might be last night but I think it was the night before. I had a conversation with a friend in America.

And she was telling me how how my nail biting session helped her to stop biting her nails forever. And I do get the the occasional message telling me that a recording I did for I think one I did for OCD. I did one for tinnitus.

And you know been really helpful. So I'd like to do more of those kinds of recordings to help people with individual issues. So what I've been doing is going through my back catalogue and finding all of the why would class the more quality recordings as content wise where I've been a bit more specific about a particular issue such as and I can't think of anything now.

What ones have I done? OCD, tinnitus, nail biting and binge eating, alcohol, drugs, a few different things I've done. So and then probably about maybe 30 maybe less maybe more about 30 recordings. And they're all pretty much quite long.

They're all like 30 most of them about 30 40 minutes maybe you know an hour. So I'd like to do more of those. I'd quite like the idea maybe doing one a day.

But the thing is in order for me to feel comfortable to make a recording about a specific issue I feel I need to know you know a fair bit about that issue before I decide to make that recording. So that I feel like I know what I'm talking about. So yeah I'm gonna look into that look into it and look into it like a big magical ball and decide what to do with it.

Yes so yes I need to have a bath. I think I'm at that position where I know that when I've had a bath I'm gonna actually feel lighter on that dirty. I'm gonna feel physically lighter.

It's like three layers of skin will come off or something you know that kind of or layers of dirt. So I also need to do the washing up. See what I did in January.

We're actually going back. When I first moved in here it was it'll be four years in two months time. So April in April it would have been four years that I moved in and I didn't have all I had was one plate, one knife and fork, one spoon, one cup and I know video about a cup one spoon one cup or something I don't know.

But I didn't have much in the way of that stuff. So I remember I went to Sainsbury's and it was in the evening so I had the flat it was pretty much empty but I needed to get some stuff in because I had a fridge being delivered, the washing machine being delivered and the cooker being delivered. So what I thought is what I need to do now is I need to have something to eat off of as well as needing food and I wonder what it is that I bought.

I wish I should have kept the receipt just out of kind of for nostalgic reasons but I didn't think about it at the time because at the time I wasn't feeling nostalgic. I spent about 180 pounds and I had this Sainsbury's trolley and it was jam-packed full of stuff. Two of the things I do know, no three of the things I had.

What was it for? So I had a plate set so it was four dinner plates, four side plates like they're just I suppose half the size of the dinner plates maybe I don't know I suppose what would a side plate be for? It's maybe like a bread roll or something if you was having a meal in a restaurant but what I like to do sometimes I just have a side plate if all I'm having is a sandwich I just use a side plate but I don't call it a side plate I just call it a plate.

You know I'm quite informal when I'm at home. And then the third thing in the pack was a there was four cereal bowls or you could use them for soup or even dessert you know you could have ice cream and some fruit or a ghetto.

I haven't had a ghetto for so long I've forgotten what ghettos taste like. So I had four of each and I thought well that's that's okay that'll do me it's me it's only me here that'll that'll you know get me by. And then I purchased some saucepans and there's three there is a small one there was one that was bigger than that and then there was one that was bigger than the one that was bigger than the small one so there was I guess a large one medium-sized one and a small one because the large one would go on the bottom the medium-sized one would fit comfortably inside the large one and then the small saucepan would fit comfortably inside the medium-sized saucepan as they were like stacked.

So I didn't have them stacked on the wall or anything like that have them on top of the fridge and I used to I don't anymore I said that like there was some kind of story coming there isn't I just don't have them there anymore and I thought that would do me.

And then I bought some cutlery and I think that was in fours as well so four knives, four forks, four big spoons you know just uh is it dessert size spoons or the sort of spoons you'd use if you're having soup or mind you if you're having soup you might want a deeper spoon but I didn't that was the deep spoons were in the philosophical cutlery section and they had the little spoons as well is it teaspoons the you know like the little spoons that you'd turn turn around in a tea cup when making tea

to stir the liquid and you know or it might be coffee but to stir liquid and whatever contents will you know so that mixed together with the hot water to produce the final results of whatever hot beverage it was that you were intending to produce and consume I guess so I had that with the cutlery I'm pretty sure pretty sure that's the yeah I'm pretty sure that the cutlery was in a I had this memory that the cutlery was in like a cardboard but covered in plastic so cardboard inside plastic on the outside that's sealed

so it's really difficult to actually get inside of it I think I needed to use my keys on my key chain it's not a key chain it's a key loop there's no chains involved and I think I did that in order to get into the package for the the noise but I don't remember though because it was in the evening and it's quite late it's like 10 half 10 probably by the time I got home and I don't know if I was that interested in unpacking stuff at that time I don't recall I might have

been I just don't remember so I had that and then for some reason I suppose it's good because I do use them but I got some knives like a a set of proper steel catering knives which actually came with its own wooden block you know with the slits which and that's this it's very clever the way they do it is this they've got these slits in it in the wood and each knife has got its own space and there's only enough space for each knife to go into it so the this the bigger knives have

got a bigger slit where you can slot the knife in and so there's got these like gashes so there's one gash two gash three gash four gash often there's six gashes so the knife can go into the gash and there's there's lots of admittedly you can put a small knife into a big gash and the slit or the gash bit although it's long and it's inside is I guess there's quite a bit of room for the for maneuvering the handle of the knife prevents it from going all the way into the gash so it doesn't

so that it doesn't get lost you don't get lost inside the gash but there's a small knife I think I would class that as a potato peeler or a vegetable peeler personally and then there's a longer knife don't know what that's for then there's another knife I don't know what that's for the only two knives I really reckon well not recognize it's not because I've given them names and you know oh I saw Horace in the street the other day oh yeah Horace yeah you mean the knife that you use yeah yeah Horace the knife

yeah no it's so there's one knife which is for chopping you know like you see on the chef programs or the cookie programs and they use them to cut up onions and vegetables and stuff like that so I've got one of those knives and I've got a bread cutting knife I'm sure pretty sure that's what it's it's like serrated it's very big it's serrated it's for cutting bread or rolls as far as I can see oops I just banged I don't know what to do with my hands sometimes I ended up banging I end up

rubbing against things and Andre's still in the bedroom doing this thing there's been times that he's been with his girlfriend which is the old slipperhead and the body he has is a either carrier bag or some a tea towel or whatever he can find really and he's been at it and I've gone out I've gone to the shops I've come back and he's still at it he's a very dedicated he's a dedicated lover he really is and so those are the knives that I got for the kitchen and I think they came in a box

if I remember rightly they came in a box but there was polythene because I suppose for protection you know the whole thing was in polythene like do you know when you buy something like a laptop or something and you've got these polythene sides that the laptop fits into either side it was that kind of thing but the polythene fitted over the whole thing so the box was a lot bigger than the actual block with the the gashes with the the knives in and so I got those three so they were boxes but they were on

top of all the other stuff but I don't remember what else I got oh I think I bought a toaster but I didn't buy a kettle in fact I've still got the same kettle that I had four years ago so I really need to get myself a new kettle I think for me a kettle is a little bit like a hairstyle so you find one you like and just stick with it so I don't know I should perhaps should get another one a new one so I'm not sure if I got a toaster or not

but I know it stopped working whatever toaster I had I might have brought the one in that I had originally before that but it got to a point that every time I turned the Andre's just running and he's drinking out of his water but he's on the floor he's collapsed he's got no energy he's just laying on the floor with his head flopped in the water drinking very tired oh he's got a bit of energy now he manages to stand up just about I can't imagine he's going to be too active and probably going to

go to sleep now be very surprised if he doesn't he might have something to eat first and then he's going to go to sleep I reckon oh he's still going for more water wow he's definitely uh dehydrated that's the thing he's so considerate he doesn't um think about his own needs yes it knows it's time to eat now he's going to eat a bit of food and then I reckon he's going to run over get into his bag and he's just gonna fall into a deep sleep a well-earned rest after probably an hour yeah probably

a good hour he was at it he was at it before I started this recording and I'm 50 minutes in so yeah he's he was at it for probably an hour or more gotta be tiring I don't understand it because we're in a winter you know I know it's not particularly it's it's a mild winter so far and I suppose technically we're nearly halfway through February because it's February the 14th isn't it which is Valentine's Day so I feel sorry for the postman having to carry all those letters and you know gifts all the way

up to my place tiring him out every year doing that yeah so what else did I get I suppose clothes wise not clothes um shopping wise I've probably got the basics you know some breakfast cereal probably got some bananas that sounds like something that I'd do what else um maybe some vegetables like salad perhaps bread I suppose if I was moving in which I must have been at that point getting my first bit of food in so I'd need the very basics and the very basics for a fridge to me would be margarine or butter

depending you know what your what your preference is and milk what else probably some yogurts I do like yogurts possibly some eggs some sandwich stuff perhaps some tomatoes and a cucumber perhaps a half a cucumber or a whole cucumber depending on what I'm planning to do with it maybe some cheese as well that's always a nice little filler isn't it sandwich filler some cheese and then of course I've got eggs and milk we can make an omelette some chocolate bars to put in the fridge as well what else I thought he would have gone to

sleep but he's he's clearly not tired it must have given him a little boost I think he's just running around all his toys and stuff saying guess what yeah over an hour yeah he's doing it for over an hour he's just like showing off to all his teddy bears and probably gonna make a phone call in a minute he's waiting for me to finish on the phone so he can phone up his friends yeah nine times nine times in an hour here's a show-off got nine times after the second time just dust would just blow

out wouldn't it anyway um um bum bum bum bum so that'd do the fridge then the freezer you need to have stuff in the freezer so when I first moved in I had a freezer compartment above the fridge so I just needed to get a fridge that's the main thing wasn't worried about the freezer at that point and a cooker which is what I did and a washing machine so they were the main things my dad had a freezer that he was going to give me so he brought that over and that is now underneath

the kitchen counter and the fridge is on top and I was talking and I remember saying to my dad I was going to get an extra freezer he said well you don't want a freezer I want two freezers and I'm like no what do you mean I don't want I just told you I did want that and uh that's what I did I got a new freezer like a an open top one and it was a great purchase it's something that I use a lot so I've got the two freezers is exactly what I need

I've got different things in each freezer so I know kind of where things are and they're not stacked right to the top I have to pull stuff out of everything you know so yeah I'm pleased with that I think that was less than 100 pounds with that freezer the new one and then I needed stuff oh yeah I probably got a bowl for washing up with so washing up bowl possibly you know some stuff like washing up liquid deodorant shampoo that kind of stuff that I needed so I probably got a bunch of that stuff

and then there's kitchen cupboard things that I needed I can't remember what that would be biscuits biscuits cream crackers jams yeah sort of stuff that's in jars like jam honey marmalade tea bags coffee and trying to think what else tea bags coffee marmalade jam honey sugar of course sugar I might have got myself some tins of beans so tins of beans tins of spaghetti maybe some actual spaghetti like real life stuffing packets pasta rice I reckon I got myself some tomato ketchup I can't think of what else I think that must have been it it

couldn't be much more than that yeah that's about it really I mean I should apologize that this recording wasn't wasn't particularly boring there's a lot of interesting stuff in there today a lot of uh yeah excitement although I am quite tired I could easily fall asleep if it wasn't for these high heels that I'm wearing I could I'm not wearing high heels I've done a one this basque basques don't have catch on your chest hairs now I don't wear basques I decided the other night it might sound like a strange thing but if I ever

ever became an MMA fighter like a cage fighter mixed martial arts fighter I would definitely have to wax my entire body and get rid of all the hairs just in case you weren't sure what waxing meant and that's it thank you for listening to this let me bore you to sleep and I'll speak to you very very soon bye