#79 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (16th January 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep with the sounds of a greedy little ferret munching away on his food after being out on a very damp walk. And now he's proceeding to move some of that food around. So he likes to do little stacks of food around the place, you know, for those times when I'm just clearly starving.

So he's got something to eat. He's actually doing as I speak, he's grabbing bits and just, yeah, it's very weird. He's always got food available, always.

So he's just done it again, just grabbed a bit of food and he's put it over near my dumbbells and then he's walked back. He's done it again, grabbed another little bit of food. I should have filmed it for you so you could actually see it.

All he's done, I've got another mouthful. Basically he's grabbing chunks and he's, I don't know what he's doing with it. He's just sort of stacking them, probably saving for later or tomorrow morning.

Anyway, this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep, if you're not already asleep. The idea of this is to, first of all, only ever listen or watch. If you're watching on YouTube, only ever watch the video if you're able to safely close your eyes, because this recording may cause tiredness due to boredom.

Oh yes. You'll hear the equation, the equational, uh, equational. You'll hear the occasional squeak of one's chair as one squeaks and leans backwards.

But other background sounds, I don't know. At the moment, it's mainly just Andre. He's now in his carrier bag.

It's a Next carrier bag and it's one of his favorite places to sleep. I think someone said to me online once, said you should make holes in a bag. Make sure the bag's got a hole in it.

And it has. It came with a massive hole at the top. Huge hole.

And I actually tested it with him once. I thought, well, he's got, ever since he was a baby, he's loved carrier bags and getting inside them and going to sleep and stuff. And I thought, well, I need to test that he can actually get out just in case he gets stuck.

And I want to make sure that he can safely, you know, get himself out of a carrier bag. And so I did, I tied the top of the carrier bag and just put him down and chucked him in the sea. And I just thought, I just watched him to see if he'd, you know, how he'd get out.

He was out of it within seconds. He's got these things called claws, which rip through a carrier bag very, very easily. And so, you know, we're talking about a ferret.

They dig tunnels in the ground. If they get an opportunity, he actually, when I first got him, bearing in mind that he was tiny, I put him into a cage because my friend gave me, it wasn't a big cage, but it was big enough for him for, it was two sections. And there, part of it was like a window, but it was a wired window.

So it's, you know, it's wired in, like metal wire, but metal, hard metal that was securing it. Well, I heard scratching at the door and this is only like a couple of weeks in of having him. I thought, how the hell is he scratching at the door? That's not even possible.

And he had escaped. He had eaten around the wire ripped the wood out. And he'd also been biting at the wire and he pushed it and he managed to push it all the way out towards and escape.

So that's what he was able to do when he was a baby. Imagine what he could do now. Very strong.

It's those teethy, the teeths that he has. He can, he's got this thing as well, when he gets something on his mind, he just can't seem to let it go. He just, you know, doesn't like closed doors.

It's one of those things he just can't stand. Even if he doesn't want to go out, he doesn't want to go into the kitchen at all, got no interest. As soon as I closed the kitchen door, he has to get inside the kitchen and he'll scratch and scratch and scratch and scratch and just continuously until I let him into the kitchen.

He looks around and then he walks out again. He just has to have access to every room in the house. And he does apart from the storage room.

So he has access to four of the five rooms that I have here, the bedroom, the living room, the kitchen and the bathroom. The storage room, the fifth room is out of bounds from him. So yeah, I just, I was thinking what I might do is get a wish list, like an Amazon wish list for some books that I want.

I want to start getting my hypnosis and other book, my collection, I want to grow it. And I'm probably quite old fashioned as in, I prefer books like, you know, paperback, hardback. I prefer paperback really to hardback books, but just books I can hold in my hand and read.

I've tried the Kindle, I own a Kindle, owned a few actually, or two. And I've got books on there. But I just, it doesn't really suit my eyes.

So, and I have been listening to audiobooks the last month or two. But again, they don't have the books that I want. I have some of them, you know, like some of the motivational stuff.

I've been listening to Wayne Dyer, Les Brown. So I've been listening to them too. I'm probably going to get some Zig Ziglar audios as well.

But the thing is I can get that probably from YouTube and just listen to it on there. But I used to own, you know, pretty much quite, I think most of the Zig Ziglar book tape sets that he used to have, I owned back in the late 90s. And as well as, you know, Anthony Robbins and loads actually.

What's the name? Field of Fear and Do It Anyway. And who else was there? Ken Livingstone's Seagull. What was his name? The one that did the Seven Habits of the, seven, yeah, the Seven Habits bloke.

So I listened to that. And I think what's, I shouldn't, I'm not laughing at them, but there's this speaking technique that they seem to take on. And I've heard quite a few different speakers do it.

So I like, I like, I don't know what's the best word, inspirational speakers rather than motivational. I don't know if really, I like the idea of motivate. I don't really want to motivate people, but I like the idea maybe of inspiring people from a perspective of, yeah, maybe instead of saying, you can do it, you can do it.

I like the idea of maybe saying, you know, well, perhaps you can, you know, instead of jumping up and down saying, you can do anything you put your mind to, jumping up and down and saying, say hi, put your hands up in the air and all that kind of excitement. I quite like the idea of doing a more relaxed, you know, maybe, maybe you're doing okay as you are. Maybe you can build upon where you are now.

Maybe you can get in touch with those things that you like about yourself, focusing on that stuff and get to love yourself, get to appreciate who you are. So kind of a more relaxed, is it safe to say the word grounded without sounding patronizing? I don't know. I went to a seminar, Anthony Robbins, went to an Anthony Robbins seminar and back in 1999, no, it was 2005, I think.

Might have been 2006. I think it was 2005. And my friend gave me the tickets and the seminar lasted, I think, three days, I think.

And my friend in London, he let me stay at his place for the three days and he gave me the tickets. He gave his nephew the tickets and also there was someone else that worked for him. They gave tickets to him, to her rather.

So I met up with her. I didn't really know her very well, but I knew his nephew. I was friends with his nephew, but I only saw him on the last day, I think.

Anyway, they, I think she was dating the chef in the club. But at that point, I hadn't been working at the club for a few years. So I kind of, I was still friends with the chef, but there was, I didn't know all the waiters and waitresses and all the bar staff anymore.

Because, you know, over time, you know, if you leave a job, you leave and you know everyone that works there, if you've been there for a while. But then you go back in a few weeks time, they're still all there. Go back in a few months time, they might still all be there.

You go back in a year, a lot of them might still be there, but there's going to be maybe a new face, maybe a couple of new faces. That was a band, wasn't it? The New Faces. And then eventually over time, which happened with that club, is nobody knew me.

And I started working there again, just helping out for a little while in the office. So I kind of started getting to know some of the staff downstairs. And it was just weird, just weird.

So it's sort of like, it's that, I don't know if it's arrogance or just, maybe it is a bit of arrogance, but on my side, it was like, you know, I'd go into the club, say, you know, have a drink, please. And sort of maybe introduce myself as sort of, just like that part of me thinking, how can you not know who I am? But why would they? I don't work there anymore. But you should know who I am.

It's a weird human thing, isn't it? Yeah, I like the idea of maybe, oh yeah, okay, go. I'm going to try and link back to what I was saying. So I went to the Anthony Robbins thing.

And I, it was at the, I might be wrong, but I'm sure it's a place called the Excel Center in Docklands, like East London. There's huge, huge venue. And he basically rented a room plus a lobby.

But that wasn't the entire center. That wasn't the entire venue. But when I went in there, it was huge.

And it held 10,000 people. Actually thinking about it, that's the only time I've ever been in an audience that large. Yeah, I've never been in an audience with 10,000 people.

I've been to theaters a few times over the years, but an average theater would hold the most, probably 2,000. And that's a big theater would maybe hold 2,000. Some would hold a lot less than that.

But this was just a big room with loads of chairs put down, you know, for people. Must have taken ages to set up. Although I didn't really think about that at the time.

I sat at the back because, well, two reasons. I think I was there a little, I don't know. Why did I sit at the back? It's interesting, actually.

Well, it's not interesting at all. Boring. But I sat at the back there.

But when I did my NLP training, the very first day of my very first, it wasn't my first NLP training because I'd been doing it at City University in London in an evening course over, it was back in 1998. So this was 1999. And it was, I don't even remember where it was.

It was a big venue, but I sat right at the front. And that's the first time in any situation where I've sat at the front. I always generally sit at the back.

Whenever I've gone to a comedy club over the last 20, 30 years, I sat at the back pretty much because I like to observe. I like to, I kind of quite like to observe the audience as well. Just not to look at them, but just to sort of observe the behavior and just the reaction.

And yeah. So I, by the way, I don't say every single thing that I'm thinking when I do these. So if you hear me like have a little giggle, it's because I've just thought of something really silly.

But sometimes I do say it. Right. I sat at the front of this NLP training and Richard Bandler came on stage.

And those of you that don't know who Richard Bandler is, he is the co-creator of NLP, which is Neuro Linguistic Programming. And before getting there, I had already read how many books? Quite a few of his books. I'd already read them.

If not all of them, actually, all of his books I probably read before I went to the training. So there was something a bit special about, I was going to say meeting. I didn't actually get to meet him because he's quite, I found him quite aloof as a person.

Wasn't very, I don't think he's a massive fan of people. I think he likes their money, but I don't think he's, yeah, I don't, I might just be me, but at the time his wife was in a wheelchair and I helped him up some, up a ramp or something, actually, one of the days. And I don't think he even said thank you.

She did, but I don't think he did. It was, I don't know. I'm not really sure what's, maybe if I'd worn trousers and pants, maybe that would have, maybe he just didn't know where to look.

Maybe because I kept flicking cigarettes at him when he was on stage. I didn't, I didn't. Oh, weird thing to think.

So, come on, I'd like to see a video of that. I can imagine. So, someone coming in sort of saying, how's Richard Vander doing? And so, where is he? Where is Richard? Oh, he's there.

He's underneath that big pile of cigarettes. Oh, no, that probably wouldn't happen. So, when I saw Anthony Robbins and I noticed that in America, don't say Anthony, they say Anthony, Anthony, Anthony.

We say Anthony here. I've never met anyone who's called Anthony. It's strange that we don't pronounce it.

It's like Anthony Joshua is heavyweight world boxing champion, one of them. And he is, you know, he's a big name in the boxing world. He's English.

And so, we call him Anthony Joshua. In America, it's Anthony. I keep calling him Anthony Joshua.

And sometimes I tell a television, I say, no, it's just Anthony. He doesn't call himself Anthony. His mum might call him Anthony, I don't know.

But he doesn't call himself. In fact, most people just call him AJ, which is more a sign of the times than anything else. I think we're getting very lazy when it comes to talking, actually saying the whole word.

You know, I can't say that. It's got just, let's break it down so it's easier. AJ.

I'm not really very good with the whole, you know, like, you know, Facebook speech. And even I go on to the bipolar forum on Facebook. What's a bipolar forum? There's probably quite a few.

It's probably not called a forum either. It's not a club. It's a group.

Yeah, group. So I go on the bipolar group. I visit it probably every day, every two days.

Rarely contribute. I just read what other people bring. The amount of abbreviations that people use, it's, I kind of, even I struggle sometimes, like what, what, what is it? What are you abbreviating? Yeah.

So BF is boyfriend. I don't know if I ever told you the story of an abbreviation. Topar.

Is it Topar? Potar? Topar? Topar? Fotar? Potar? Fopar. That's it. So I've got a friend who is older than me, probably about 10 years older than me, kind of.

And lovely bloke. But he's, you know, just like me. He's from the the older style of abbreviation.

And, you know, so things like PTO. PTO, you know, if you're at the end of a, of the page, please turn over. Or at the end, you know, even text in LOL, lots of love.

So, you know, that's what LOL meant back then. You know, not that long ago, but when texts first started, when people text each other, they used LOL as in lots of love. So this friend of mine didn't really, he didn't text mainly just to sort of agree to meet up somewhere.

So we want to meet up for lunch. Yeah, let's meet up at the graveyard. Oh, good.

And we could, quiet place to talk, isn't it? And we, you know, that was it up here. So I didn't see a LOL, lots of love. And so yeah, it just, he was from Scotland.

That's not really relevant to the, to the story, really. But he, so when my grandmother, well, basically he sent me a text back in, it's a few years ago now. And he said, how are you doing, Jason? He might not have said my name in the text because why would you need to put someone's name in the text? They're the only one that's going to be reading it.

I'm guessing, unless you're one of those couples that kind of mingle personalities into just one person and have to be with each other all the time and have to have the same conversation and talk on the phone together with somebody. My dad does that now. I phone him up on the house phone, on the landline, or even if it's the mobile, he puts it on loudspeaker straight away.

There's no private one-on-one conversations allowed. And I've been caught out by that in the past. I remember I had a friend and in that time, and she said to me, yeah, by the way, there's people in the car.

Okay, well, maybe you could have said that before I said what I said. You need to tell people it's not a rule. I mean, there's no law, but it's a standard thing is if you go on to loudspeaker, you tell the person you're with that you put them on loudspeaker.

It's the rule. And it's not an unsaid rule. It should be a said rule.

It should be standard. It's just like, I don't know. If you're under the bed covers together with someone, it's a common courtesy to let them know that you're about to fart.

It's just standard for me. Not that I really spend much time. I mean, Andre, you should see him.

Sometimes I fart and he's like, he just really just like, sometimes he's actually ran out of the room. We're talking about a ferret, a smelly little poo bag. Honestly, I'm not even lying.

I was in bed and I let off. I like to let farts off in bed sometimes, because a couple of reasons is I'm very relaxed and sometimes I can get a really nice one going. Get it bubbling up first, you know, and just let it go off.

Sometimes I like it if I can let it go off. I mean, you know, the duvet cover lifts up a little bit because of the fart. But it's quite a nice sound in my bedroom and it also vibrates through the floor quite like that, through the bed and everything.

Anyway, I let off a fart. Andre was on the bed. I let off a fart.

He shook the bed. He jumped off. A few seconds later, I can hear like a clatter, some noise and I look over.

It's Andre. He's, I couldn't believe it. He's only trying to open a window.

I was just, I was like, what? Anyway, so I went to this Anthony Robbins thing and I was at the back and there was the big screens. So I could see him and he can talk, I tell you, not just random stuff. He can talk and talk for hours and hours about stuff that's, you know, relevant to why people live there.

And it's, that's quite phenomenal really. And it keeps the energy up. It's, so yeah, it's quite amazing to see him in action and he's huge, but he's very tall, big man.

And he's, he has got the voice that kind of, kind of a cracked voice. So you can tell he talks a lot, but he talks loudly and the voice is very strained a little bit because of probably the amount of talking he's done in his life. And yeah, he's very tall, very large mouth.

He's got a lovely mouth, I'm sure. I don't know, it sounds even worse, doesn't it? He's got a lovely, oh, I like his mouth. No, he was, he was good, but I like the idea of, I don't know about inspiration, if that's the right word, because I don't think, so if I was going to go on stage and talk to people, I like the idea of doing it, but I like the idea of doing it in a gentle, relaxing way.

Kind of like how I am when I do these. I can't do motivational stuff because I'm not particularly motivated myself. I am, but I'm not, you know, I'm kind of, my life is, evolves around doing this stuff, doing these podcasts and, you know, that's kind of what my life's evolved around.

But I don't, I'm not like jumping up and down. I don't jump out of bed every day, like an American dad, you know, beginning of that. Good morning, USA.

I got a feeling that it's going to be a wonderful day. So I don't kind of jump up and get all excited that it's another day. But I don't know, it's just not how I am really.

It's not knocking anyone that does that because it must be wonderful to wake up feeling, you know, like it's, you know, have that feeling of actually thinking about it outside of Christmas, possibly birthdays when I was a kid. Just thinking of this one, one morning that I remember feeling absolutely wonderful. I was about eight years old and my dad woke me up.

This is when I was living in the house where my nan and gran had moved into. I've mentioned it in previous recordings. So I was living in, I was sleeping in the box room, but I was only little.

And I had a picture of Bruce Lee on the right hand side from Enter the Dragon. And anyway, I was sleeping on the bed. Saturday morning, my dad comes in and says, JJ.

And I said, Jason. And he woke me up. So it must have been agreed that he was going to wake me up at a certain time.

And I woke up and I remembered what today was. And I hugged him. And it's probably the biggest hug I ever gave him ever.

And I just felt full of love and happiness. And the reason for it is because I had a date. I had a date with a girl and we were going to go out.

And it sounds silly, but I was eight years old. And I know a hundred percent because when I was nine, I was living in a different house. So I was eight and I might have even been seven, but yeah, I was at least eight.

So I went to this girl's house and I'm not sure if she came to me or I went to her. I gave her some chocolates. So I got a little box of chocolates to give her.

And we went to the cinema and watched. It was a Saturday morning. We watched the premiere because at that time they had two films.

They had a matinee film and the main film. I can't tell you what the film was that we watched because I don't remember. Don't remember.

No, still don't remember. So, but I remember we went there, watched the films, two films, then came back to her house and I met her mom and her dad and the brothers or whatever. And then we had some chips for lunch.

So they gave me some chips and then me and her went out into the garden and we hid underneath a table in the garden and we had a kiss. And it was my very first kiss with a girl that I ever remember ever, but don't remember kissing anyone before that time. And I know it's young, but I was with someone, I guess she must've been seven or eight herself as well.

Same age as me. And don't remember her name. I don't think we ever saw each other again.

I really don't know. I don't know how we ended up going out. Maybe I went to school with her probably.

And I don't know, maybe it just didn't work out because she needed more of a commitment from me. I really don't know what happened. I'm sure it was it was her, not me, but I don't, you'll be cool.

But I do remember feeling, probably the best feeling, one of the best feelings I've ever had probably in my life, that excitement, that pure happiness, because I was about to do something that I was really looking forward to doing with a girl that I really liked. And I'd never been out on a date before. I was about to do all this stuff that I'd never done before.

Going out on my own with a girl, going to the cinema. And I don't know where that feeling came from, but it was like proper, strong, really strong feeling of happiness. And yeah, but I don't get those kinds of feelings really generally.

I'm not really a big, I'm not very excitable as a person. I have been at times, but generally quite a calm person. And it's the little things that excite me sometimes.

But I don't make big plans and sort of get all excited about something that's going to happen in a few months time or keep talking about it and stuff like that. And I've been thinking about that because I've met enthusiastic people and I struggle a little bit with people that are enthusiastic, which is strange because enthusiasm is an amazing thing. If it wasn't for enthusiasm, we wouldn't have anything.

There would be no inventions at all. So maybe it's not enthusiasm, it's the excitability that comes with it. Maybe, I don't know.

Perhaps it's because I know that no one else is really too interested in what I do and I've accepted that. And in some ways I've embraced that because then it's me. It's like a journey and it's a challenge.

But at the same time, if I meet someone that wants to hear about, wants me to tell them about what I do, I don't really want to do it. It might sound really strange, but years and years ago when I was back in 2006, might have been 2007, and I was volunteering at this charity that was an alcohol rehab, alcohol charity, helping people, alcoholics to reduce their alcohol levels and everything to go with that. And I was doing relaxation sessions, group sessions there a few times a week actually in 2007.

And one of the counsellors, I'd not met her before, she was a new counsellor, new to there, not new as a new counsellor, but she gave me a lift home and then she stopped. She said, oh, let's just stop at the garage. She said, that's why I've got a couple of questions, just really interested in what you do.

And she started bombarding me with questions, like question after question, after question, after question. And I kind of just didn't see the point in it, if that makes any sense. What is the point in you asking me all these questions? I didn't say that, but you give me a lift home because she stopped halfway, halfway through the journey.

So I might as well just walk, walk the rest of the way. I think I did in the end, I said, I'm going to just, yeah, I'm going to walk. And I felt drained.

I felt, oh. So yeah, I'm not really, not really an answery person, answery. I don't, I love being asked questions really.

I went on a date once and I met the person on Plenty of Fish and we agreed to meet. And I thought, okay, why not just, just that's the whole point of the app, isn't it? The Plenty of Fish dating app is to meet up with people. So that's for, never met up with anyone before off of that app.

So I gave it a go. And another situation, and I'm not, I'm just saying it's the, it was just not my thing, not my way of communicating, is she was just asking question after question after question. And I'm not interested in my life.

I'm not interested in the past or, I don't talk about it when I do these things, but it's called letting me bore you to sleep. I don't find anything I say interesting. It's just talking about stuff.

And I don't want to do that on a date. That's just boring. It's just, it tells, so it's, on a first date, I mean, over time, yeah, but not, I think it's nice if you're with someone and 10 years down the line, you're still learning new things about them instead of trying to get it all out on the first, you know, half an hour.

If for me, really, I don't really, if I meet someone, I don't, I don't really have any questions for them, really. Only things that are really important is, does she like me? And that's, that's kind of, you know, if she's single, that's kind of it really. And the rest of it just kind of comes along bit by bit.

The idea of like asking lots of questions, where are you from? What education do you have? What, you know, maybe what are you interested in? That's something. But, and the past, I don't really care about people's past. I think it's now, how they are now, what they're like now, not what they did in the past.

I know that sometimes it's good to sort of discuss stuff in the past and, you know, but I think getting to know someone, it's, it can be nice to get them to know them as they are now, maybe. It's just that it's kind of unusual because I think the, the kind of person that I find the most annoying is someone like me. Because I know it's quite weird, even though I'm quite slow when I do these things.

When I meet someone for the first time, if it's a safe environment, if it's, if I'm in a good mood, I can be quite bubbly, quite full of energy, and very much contradicting myself, aren't I? But I think people think, they kind of get the impression that that's what I'm like, and that I would want to be, I'd want to meet someone else like that. And spending time with someone like me would be a nightmare for me. I don't want to be with someone that's constantly chatting, you know, all the time.

And that's why I kind of live a it's why I like television, because you can just mute it. And I do sometimes, sometimes I watch it. See, I was watching the Parliament Channel earlier, because they've been talking about Brexit, and there was the vote thing went on, and all that stuff.

And I'm very politically aware at the moment, in my country's politics, more so than I think I've ever been. I don't really know why. But anyway, I, there was a lady on there, and she was doing a speech, they were all doing speeches, but she, she kept repeating herself.

And she kept repeating the phrase, not fit for purpose, which is a very well if it was something that was used. A few years back, a politician used the phrase, not fit for purpose. And then the newspapers picked up on it.

And everyone seemed to love that phrase, a new phrase. And then everybody started using it. All the politicians started using it.

Celebrities were using it, TV, it's just like everywhere. And now, I can always tell a politician who's maybe not very confident within their own words, or within themselves, maybe, maybe they're a new politician, or they just don't feel very confident talking out loud, doing speeches, because they'll use all the same phrases. You know, they'll just regurgitate the old sayings, such as not fit for purpose.

And then this woman was doing this, that's what she was doing, this MP. And she was reading it as well. So she clearly didn't have a lot of confidence in what she was saying, or she didn't, maybe her memory went a bit or, I imagine it's, for some of them, it's probably quite difficult, because they're being watched on television as well.

So you know, you make one mistake, and the whole country sees it. But she was reading this, so she must have written down, not fit for purpose. I'm talking probably 14 times, I think I heard her say it.

She kept saying it. The government last year was not fit for purpose. The government in January were not fit for purpose.

The government yesterday were not fit for purpose. She kept just, I had to put it on mute. I had to put the TV on mute.

It was a mutiny. I staged a mutiny. Not fit for purpose.

Oh, it's one of those, another one that just does me a little bit is when people say swear down. Okay, it's not the politicians that say that because it's usually younger people. And swear down.

What's the new one now? Bruh. So instead of brother or bruv, it's bruh. So I'm guessing if you short that, it's bruh.

I guess. Maybe I could do a little, I thought about inspirational. Inspirational, I've got bipolar, but that mental illness, health issues, you know, since I was a child.

But I've managed to get through, I'm 48, I've managed to help people around the world, managed to find a purpose, you know. That's quite a, kind of a success story in some ways, but at the same time I can't go on stage and say, you can have anything you want, you can do anything you want, because I'm not a living example of that. I'm a living example of you can, you can find something that gives your life purpose and finding something that gives you life purpose is the one thing that will keep you alive, the one thing that will get you out of bed, and my experience is the one thing that even when it disappears at times, it still comes back, never goes away forever, always comes back.

It's kind of like, do you know the things what you can get, and I'm going back years, isn't it really weird, it's so long since I did this.

I used to, when I was at school, I had swimming lessons and one of my schools actually had a swimming pool in it, which is pretty groovy, isn't it, it's quite an unusual thing I think, and I had swimming lessons and I, you know those boards that you just hold on to and you can swim with them, you can hold on to them and swim or you can put them under your stomach, under your chest, you know, you can, you know, pretty much, you can play around with them as well, put them between your legs and sort of, you can balance so it keeps you above the water basically, so as long as you're holding on to those boards.

I remember it was blue I think, the one I had, they're not necessary, they come in different sizes, but I think the one I had was probably about the size of my head, maybe a bit bigger, and for you sort of say, oh it must have been the size of a swimming pool then, making fun of my head size, it's not nice, stop it, and so this board which floated and helped youngsters and adults as well to keep buoyant, it was a buoyancy aid.

Anyway, you know, what I used to do is, I used to like to put it under the water and then let it go and it would fly out of the water, so the further down I could get it and let it go, it would literally fly out of the water and that's a bit like what my purpose is to me, to have a purpose in life, is sometimes the depression or the bipolar or life, whatever, pushes that buoyancy aid underneath the water, but then it manages to just free itself and it pops out of the

water, so it's always there, always keeps popping back and as a buoyancy aid it does just that, as a lifesaver it does just that, so yeah, it's a nice little analogy isn't it?

Yeah man, so I'm gonna go, I think that's me done for today, you take care of yourselves and I shall speak to you next time. By the way, in the last recording I said that my recordings, my mp3s will be available to download for one pound, I changed my mind and they're all free again. That didn't last long did it? You take care, bye.