#30 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (1st July 2018)

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland dot com. This is let me bore you to sleep. And I've got no idea what number this is.

I think it's number 30 or 31, something like that. Or 26. I lose track.

Honestly, I lose track of these things. So at the moment, I'm sitting on my big black squeaky chair. And my little boy Andre is cuddled up on top of me.

So that's a bit weird. He's uh, Andre's my little ferret. He's my son.

And for some reason, he's decided to have a cuddle. Which is lovely. I love it when he cuddles.

It's one of my favorite things, actually, in the whole world. Not that I've experienced everything there is to experience in the whole world. But just having him cuddle up to me without him wanting something, you know, not not wanting food or water.

He's always got food and water. But, you know, without him wanting me to take him out or to do something, it's just nice to have him just cuddle me and just because he wants to cuddle his daddy. So that's nice.

Unfortunately, my balls are itchy. So I want to scratch them, but I can't because I'm holding him. And I know that as soon as I move one hand, he'll just get off my lap.

Not my lap. He's actually on my belly. On my chest.

But I've got to scratch it because it's too itchy. I think it's just the heat, you know. I don't know why I'm telling you this.

So only listen to this. Watch this if you're watching a video, but still on audio, isn't it? Even if it's on video. And when you can safely close your eyes, because unless you've got a really, really, really, really strong boredom threshold.

But even then, just just to be sure. You know, I don't like the idea if you're, I don't know, in a submarine or something. And you're in charge if the oxygen levels of the submarine and, you know, you fall asleep.

And, you know, I don't want that responsibility. So just ideally, only listen when you can close your eyes and drift off into a... Really, it's, I think sleeping is a much nicer alternative than listening to me talking. About pretty much nothing.

I think that most people's minds would just say, you know what? I can't take this anymore. I'm just going to go to sleep. This, this is a bit pointless.

It's a bit a little bit monotonous. And that's part of the reason, that's part of the process of why I do what I do here. Not on every session.

I mean, sometimes. I've got an itchy side now. This, the itch, the itch is moving.

I've got a movie scratch. Movie scratch? Moving scratch. So the point behind these let me bore you to sleep sessions really is that I just talk at you about stuff that you've got no interest in.

And there's only really two options, I think, really, generally, in a situation like this. And you've got me talking, you're listening to me. The two options really are either you press the stop button, or you go to sleep, you drift off.

Because that's, I think that's the, the two kind of options that happen. I'm not, you know, I'm not saying please press the stop button because, you know, although this will be boring for you, it's extremely exciting for me. So I get to tell you about my, my life and all the stuff that I find interesting, but nobody else does.

So that's the, so everyone's a winner, really. I get to be exciting, or feel like I'm being exciting and you get to be incredibly bored to the point where you just, just start to drift. And that's natural.

It's a natural thing to happen because I don't know about you, but the amount of times in the past that I've been sitting, listening to a person, and I'll be in the same room as them, they'll maybe be sitting in a chair, might be made of wood, might be made of metal, but the story isn't really about the chair. So I'll be in a room with somebody talking, they'll be talking to me, and I'll be so bored. I'm not talking like all the time, you know, it's just occasionally it happens, and I just, it might not just be that I'm bored, it might be that I'm tired.

And that person has decided to fill me in on every thought they've had in the last five years, and decided to tell me all this stuff. And I was just, I think some of the hardest ones to listen to are are conversations where somebody's telling me about a conversation they previously had with somebody else about some topic that I don't really understand, you know, I don't, I don't know anything about that person that my friend is talking about. And I don't always find it that easy to be interested in people that I like.

So if it's somebody that I've never met, I have very little, just doesn't grip me, doesn't, doesn't grab hold of me toenails and shake me around and get me all excited and not to grab and hold my toenails would get me excited. You know, I'm just saying this as an example. So, so just let you know that you can listen to all of my stuff and watch all of my videos on my website, jasonnewland.com. I've been, I actually swapped over.

So I was, I was hosting my website with Wix and, but financially I had to start making some cuts. So I got rid of that website, the host. I now host my website with Blogger because it's free and, but it's okay.

I've, I've hosted with them many times over the years and I've hosted with pretty much every web host there is actually, including, uh, you know, building a website myself, WordPress and you name it. I've been with them, but at the moment everything's now, you know, it's all with Blogger, the website. So I've been organizing my sessions so that everything's easier to find.

And so for example, if you go to jasonnewland.com, the actual website, in the menu at the top of the page or near the top of the page, underneath the banner, a picture of Andre, there's, um, there's a page called courses. As you click on there, there's, uh, listed all my courses. I say all of them because I, not all of them are on there yet because I'm still in the process of building the pages, but they will all be on there.

There's a few already. And you click on one of those and it will take you to a page where, for example, um, 10 day chronic pain Tuesday or chronic pain Tuesday, which was a 10 day chronic pain course that I did last year. You click on that in the courses section and it just lists each day.

And underneath each day, there's a stream audio, which you link, you can click, which takes you to another page with the embedded audio on there that you can play. Or you can click on the watch video link, which will take you to another page where the video is embedded, YouTube video, or you can click on the download MP3 and that will allow you to instantly download the MP3 totally free of charge. And that's the same with all the courses and also with the insomnia, sleep and insomnia.

That's on my website now. And chronic pain is on my website. There are others that will be on there, for example, relaxation, but that's going to be done last because there's about 168 sessions.

So it's quite a, quite a task, but it's getting there. I'm quite pleased how it's going at the moment. And since I put those pages, the links onto the, into the menu, I've been having quite a few clicks, quite a few people go in there.

So I think it's always nice to have a hub, you know, a little, um, I don't know, headquarters in a way, isn't it? I know this isn't a business, but it's still a big operation in a sense. Uh, 800 sessions, if not probably more than 800, um, quite a few podcasts, probably about 5,000 downloads and plays a week, uh, growing as well, always growing. And so, yeah, it's, it's a, it's kind of a full-time job.

If I was able to work, like if it was a full-time, I know, what do I mean by that? I could easily spend eight hours a day, you know, five days a week and I still wouldn't get everything done that's needed to be done. Um, it's, it's, it's ongoing. It's never going to be finished.

And the promotion side of things is never, it's never completed. It's always ongoing, um, which is part of, part of the thing I like about it really. But there's certain aspects that I would like to have completed, you know, I've now got an itchy lower back.

So the chair is going to squeak while I scratch my back. The chair isn't squeaking. It's not really connected to me scratching my back.

It's just that the movement of me moving, the movement of me moving causes the chair to move, therefore squeak or creak. Okay. Give me two seconds.

Oh, that's nice. See, uh, I'll tell you another thing is, um, I think last Monday or Tuesday or last Sunday or Saturday, one day I, maybe it was the week before, I did one of these, uh, let me bore you to sleep and I read out the stats of all my stats for the, pretty much for the last month. Don't worry.

I'm not going to do that tonight or today. I'm saying tonight cause it is the evening. It's Sunday evening.

It's probably about 20 past 10 ish. So I won't be doing that, but I might be talking about the stats and there was a reason I brought the subject up, but I've forgotten what it is. Um, what was the reason for me thinking about the stats? Oh yeah.

On iTunes. And it's not, it's not really called iTunes anymore. It's called podcast something.

I forget, but it's Apple podcast or Apple podcasts, but it's still iTunes. It's still, everyone thinks, still knows it as iTunes. I'm not sure why they've changed it really.

But although iTunes, I suppose they're separating the podcasts from iTunes where you buy. So iTunes is still there. I lose track.

I can't remember. I think maybe iTunes is still there, but the podcasts are like a separate thing now because they're so popular. Not, not mine.

I'm just talking generally. And although mine are okay, I do all right. And I've got about 30, 5, 10, 15, I feel like 25 podcasts on iTunes, um, maybe 30.

So iTunes now do the stats that actually show their own stats about how many, um, plays and how many devices are used and how many hours and the average time per device for each podcast. And it was quite interesting because I was just looking at it. It was about, they've not been doing a stats for very long, but since I've been doing the stats for my podcasts, I've got about 170 hours worth, I think, or maybe more, 170 hours worth of people streaming on iTunes.

That's, and that's not with my main podcast, my main podcast. I don't know what the stats are for there because I've not looked. I just go by SoundCloud, which is, although SoundCloud is my main podcast, I get, yeah, I probably get more on Spreaker.

Sometimes I get more on Podomatic because that's also on iTunes as well. And that's a sleep hypnosis podcast. I think it's sleep, sleep deeply, something like that.

The only problem with the Podomatic one is I run out of bandwidth quite easily because instead of paying for the, I was paying for it. Now I've reduced it to, um, the free one. So I had to delete quite a few of my sessions, but from the sleep sessions, and also I, you know, so I had 189 downloads, I think, two days ago.

And that in itself probably used up most of the bandwidth because most of the sleep sessions are fairly long. They're mainly, yeah, half an hour to an hour long. And that's a shame, really.

But, uh, there you go. You know, I used to have more sessions, more podcasts on Podomatic. I used to have my seven day insomnia cure and my 30 day relaxation plan.

And both of those were on Podomatic. And they were also connected to iTunes. And I put them on there in 2011.

And between them over the years, and they were free, I never paid for them to just had them as a free account. And I had over 300,000 downloads, you know, between, you know, over the years, between 2011 and earlier this year. But then I deleted them and just decided to use Spruiken instead.

And I kind of regret it, really, because I had to, I guess people were regularly going back to them and using them. Maybe some people were downloading, some people were playing. But just to look at a podcast and see the stats was just a really nice feeling to see, you know, 25,000 people at all, 30,000 people, 30,000 downloads, or, you know, for each one, it's just quite a nice feeling.

But that's okay. You know, still, those sessions are still out there somewhere. You know, people that download, that have downloaded my audios, and perhaps my videos as well over the years.

They've got to be somewhere. There's got to be thousands around the world that maybe ended up in the deletion box. Maybe deleted, maybe they're on people's hard drives and have forgotten about them.

Maybe they're on people's phones and they're listening to them. I'm sure not everybody that downloads my stuff are just deleting them. It seems a bit weird that I'd have 300 people, maybe download or 500 people in a day download, you know, audios and then they'd be gone.

I'm sure they wouldn't just delete them straight away. Why would they download them to start with? That's what I think, I don't know. But I've been thinking about the... I go in and out of sort of wondering about this stuff that I do and whether, you know, whether it's useful.

Especially when I do these sessions, they're not really sessions, are they? These audios, these recordings. So I think, you know, in some ways, it's a complete waste of time. But in other ways, I can see the value in them.

Because it could be nice to have somebody talking to you, telling you to go to sleep, telling you to notice the sense of relaxation that you have in your body and focusing on those different parts of your body and, you know, the focus of attention. The thing is, which is really good, I mean, focus is what hypnosis is. That's really all it is.

Focus of attention. Focusing on one thing more and more to the exclusion of other things. You know, surrounding your mind around an idea.

And that idea could be having more confidence. That idea could be to get in touch and to really appreciate yourself for whatever. It could be lots of different things.

So with sleep, you know, I've had probably more success. I say success, I gauge my success by the downloads and the plays. That's, I suppose, that's all I can really gauge it on.

I've had some feedback, but I don't really ask for feedback anymore. I used to, years ago, I had a pretty much PDF book full of testimonials and praise and lovely words that people had written me. You know, I had about, was it a good 50 pages worth of testimonials.

And I actually did format it into a PDF book, which people could download if they wanted to read it. But I lost it along the way. I think it must've been on one of my laptops that broke.

So yeah, I lost a lot of that stuff. So I suppose now, you know, with the website as it is, you can always go on there and say something nice if you choose. I kind of, I think it's with the, there's a mentality with maybe a nightclub or a comedy club or a theater.

You know, people vote with their feet or with their bums. You know, they kind of, if they turn up, they're voting that it's, you know, if people keep coming back, then they're voting in a positive way. If you've got a theater and most of the seats have got bottoms on them when the shows are on, then that's a success, isn't it? Maybe not financially, because I don't know about this, you know, how much stuff costs, for people in theaters.

But for me, this isn't about money, because I don't make any money. Actually, it costs me money to do it. So success would be the stats for the amount of people around the world that download or play the audios or watch the videos or maybe visit my website, you know, and people from all over the world visit and download.

I love it. I love that. I love looking at the stats, because with SoundCloud, they're very, very good with their stats.

They're very specific with even towns, you know, or cities. So they give the stats of which sessions are the most popular on that day. But then they'll actually break the stats down to which country has the most visitors, which cities have the most visitors, what device is being used, whether it's an Android phone or an iPhone or Google.

I suppose Google is Android, isn't it? And, or if it's on a laptop, Chrome. Yeah, so it kind of gives you, it gives me a lot of quiet, detailed stats. But the only people that are monitored are people that log in.

So I'm not sure if they can, they'll show the stats of people that haven't logged in. You don't have to log into SoundCloud to use it. And also, a lot of people that listen to the SoundCloud audios, listen via lots of other different podcast hosts, directories, things like that, you know, as in iTunes or Podchaser.

There's so many, so many different ones that I'm on. So it's quite a nice feeling to know that there's somebody, there's always somebody out there in the world. You know, that's the whole sentence, there's always somebody out there in the world.

And there's always, it's kind of always someone in the world, pretty much every second of the day, listening to me somewhere. And it's quite a nice feeling, I suppose. And that's just from the plays and the downloads.

That's not to say, you know, how many people listen and re-listen to the downloads that they've downloaded. So it's quite a good, it's quite a cool thing to be doing, I suppose. And then there's definitely worse things I could do, worse things I could be spending my time doing.

So going back to these sessions, these let me bore you to sleep. So you've got the sessions that would, you know, sort of tell you what to do, or guide you verbally, or maybe have music connected. And then you've got this, where I don't tell you to do anything.

So you're not focusing on anything, really. Maybe you're more focused on my voice, but maybe not the words as much as the tone, the vibration, maybe the timber. I can't say timber without thinking of chopping down trees.

Not that I've ever actually chopped down a tree, or did I when I was a kid? I remember once I was chopping some wood. I think I was trying to chop something anyway, and I missed it. And I ended up with the axe, and I hit my knee.

And how did I miss a tree, and then hit my knee instead? Luckily, it was a fairly blunt axe, so it hurt, but it didn't cut me. I've still got both legs. It's been really hot today.

And the last few days, it's been very quite stuffy, you know, a bit, a bit. And I don't really go out that much, apart from to take Andre out, or if I have to go to the shops, because I can't always get food delivered, you know, due to bills coming out of my bank account. And it's the first of the month today.

Tomorrow, because it's Sunday today, I think tomorrow will be the day where a lot of my direct debits go out of my account. Instead of being the first of the month, it will probably be thrown over to Tuesday, but to Monday rather. And that will leave me with pretty much very little after council tax and television license and the internet and my phone.

That's about £100 altogether. I think there's something else, but I can't remember what it is. Council tax, TV license.

Also, yeah, I've got a tax bill that I have to pay. I had, um, oh, this is a good, boring story. I'll tell you about this.

Back in 2013, 2014, I don't know. But anyway, it was, I got a tax bill for about £2,000, £2,500 because I'd previously been unemployed, unemployed, self-employed. And then I lost loads of work due to the government cuts and the austerity things that have been going on.

So I pretty much, I had about four hours work a week, which wasn't enough to even pay the rent, you know? So I got a job. But for the first three months of working, I didn't pay any tax. And when I did my self-assessment tax thing, I didn't include the job in it, in the tax, self-employed tax thing that I did.

And I didn't realise I had to, I just didn't purposely avoid it. I just assumed that they'd know, that it would all be like, you know, they'd know what was going on. Anyway, they asked for, they said that I'd missed out and hadn't declared that I'd been working.

And so I ended up having to pay £2,500. So I said to them, but why is it £2,500? You know, they said, well, we also get, I want your tax next year. So they, they decided that a tax, they'd worked out my tax for the year coming up, and I had to pay it now, not at the end of next year, which seemed like a really, really daft idea, really.

One of the most silliest ideas, I think, not in the world, but for the sake of this story. And I said, well, I've closed my business. It's already closed.

I've already told the tax man and they officially had closed it. I was no longer self-employed. So they said, okay, well, you owe £1,250 or something like that.

So they, they, they kind of halved it. And then I said, well, I'm now unemployed. I was unemployed at this point.

So I can't, I don't have that amount of money. And I spoke to them on the phone. They said, how much can you pay? I said, well, I'm getting about £70 a week at the moment.

And I don't really have hardly anything to pay that I can afford to pay out of that. And they said, well, leave it with us and we'll send you a letter telling you how much that we, you know, will sort of need off you every week. So about a week later, it might have been, it might have been two weeks.

It might have been three days. It might have been eight days. I really don't know.

I suppose it's really that important, but it was, it wasn't like a long wait. They sent me a letter. I think it was quite quickly actually.

I think when it comes to when you owe people money, especially the tax man or woman, and they're pretty quick to get a letter out. And they said they wanted £45 a week from me. And I phoned them up and I said, at this point, I completely, I did lose the plot, I won't go into that.

It was very, it's very, quite a difficult little period actually. But I phoned them up and I said, you know, I've got £70 a week coming in and you're asking for £45 a week to pay back this tax. They said, yeah.

I said, can you see, can you, can you see what the problem is here? And the man on the phone said, yeah, I can. He said, I can't, I can't believe that it costs you that much money. And he said, how's £43 a week sound? I said, yeah, it sounds brilliant.

And they hung up and everything was good. No, that didn't happen. I said, basically we talked.

He said, how much can you afford? I said, you know, we came to an agreement of £5 a week. And he said, you know, it's going to take, how much is £5 a week over a year? £20 a week over a year is £1,000. £10 would be £500.

£5 would be £250. So £250 a year is what I've been paying back. So I've been paying £5 a week every Monday, pretty much since 2014.

So, yeah, I've fully got another, should be coming near the end of it. So if it's five years, yeah, it's like five years to pay it off. So it should be coming near the end.

I reckon by the end of this year, it should pretty much be paid off. But I've only missed it once. There was once when there's no money in there.

And I think they sent me a letter. But since then, I've made sure the money's always in. Always make sure there's £5 in my account on the Monday.

Because it's not a department to mess with when it comes to tax. It's as serious as it gets in the country that I live in anyway. So pretty much it's at the top of the list of crimes when it comes to not paying the correct amount of tax.

A little drink there. It's cooling down a little bit now, which is nice. Andre's having a little bit of food.

He's having a little munch munch. I was up all night again last night, until about six or seven. And then in bed all day.

It's okay. I feel all right if I'm getting stuff done. I'm working on a website and organizing all my stuff into categories.

It's not that it's difficult, but it is a little bit tedious. Very repetitive. A bit like me, really.

Very repetitive, very tedious. You know, just when I do these sessions, not in real life. In real life, I'm like an action man.

I'm just, it's amazing. I'm like an astronaut. An astronaut and a hairdresser mixed together.

Just the excitement of both. Imagine that. An astronaut and a hairdresser.

You know, I can go to the moon, and I can talk about it for the next 40 years. That's one of the good things, really, isn't it? People like Buzz Aldrin, or Buzz Swearer, his name is. I wonder if that's his real name.

And, you know, whoever it was that went to the moon. You know, the first landing. They've just been, even now, they're in demand for interviews and documentaries and, you know, after dinner speeches.

They've all done really well, haven't they? I remember someone saying, I can't remember what I said. I think this is something that I would do is kind of exaggerate sometimes. So, if I have a pen that doesn't work, and the pen, or a light bulb, doesn't work, you know, something like that.

I just, I can't believe a light bulb doesn't work. We put a man on the moon 60 years ago, but we still can't get light bulbs to work properly. I don't know, it could be anything like that.

It's just an exaggeration. I think I said this to someone a couple of years ago, and they said, and they looked at me as if I just, I don't know, it's, you know that look you get from someone? A kind of, not disgust, but kind of, I really, I don't know quite how to explain it, but it's as if I just, I was in a restaurant, and I was serving someone food, and the man was on one knee, proposing to the love of his life, and just as she says that, so I do, I just turn around, bent over, and let off a big, massive fart in their faces.

It's, there was that kind of look, and she said, what do you, do you mean you believe that they went to the moon, do you? Well, you know, we have to believe something, don't we? Imagine going through life where you just don't believe anything ever that anyone ever says.

That's, that's not, I can't imagine that'd be a very nice experience. And you see, I've seen these documentaries, you know, oh, the moon landing was faked, and all this stuff, like, well, firstly, I don't care. It makes no difference at all to me if it was faked, but I suppose the reason why some people would be interested is because the amount of money that was spent on it.

I think even in the 60s, they spent billions. So if they didn't, you know, you think 69, that would have cost maybe at most, what, a million dollars to film the whole thing, to put it together, and that's a lot of money back then. Plus, it was in black and white, wasn't it? Ideal for the moon.

So where did the rest of the money go? If it was fake, I still find it's, I know I shouldn't get amused by people's beliefs, but I don't think it's that I necessarily get amused that I find people's beliefs funny. Sometimes I find that the strength of people's belief systems kind of amusing, how this is not one question. It's like, no, that is exactly what is, based on what they've been taught.

Yeah, I do find that there's some lengths that people, actually, I don't always find it funny, but I find it interesting, and other words, what lengths some people go in order to uphold this belief system that they have been taught. That's why, for me, one of my goals in life is to reduce as many beliefs and opinions as I can. Reduce them, loosen them, weaken them, question them.

Yeah, I find that interesting. One guy's just now gone for a little sleepy, gone for a sleep sleep. I do baby him so much.

It's ridiculous. He's got to be the most babied ferret in existence. I don't think anybody else would actually treat a ferret like a little baby, the way I do.

If I could, he would happily have me breastfeeding, and if you've seen his teeth, you understand why I wouldn't want to do that. Plus, I don't produce milk because I'm not female, although I suppose some males produce milk. It's all to do with hormones and stuff, isn't it? But I don't lactate.

Yeah, I don't think I'd want to. No. I don't think it's really my role in life to lactate.

It's a very strange sentence. Oh, another thing I've been doing is gradually, gradually, I've been uploading and organizing my videos, the archived videos from 2006 to 2017 onto my YouTube channel. So there's about 380, something like that, so far uploaded.

And I'm just doing it gradually. I've put in, I've titled them, saying it's an archive so people can just, if they want to watch them, they can, but it's there. Sort of a bit of prosperity.

Is it prosperity? Prosperity. Being prosperous. Prosperity, that's well-being, isn't it? For prosperity.

Prosperity. Posterior. Prosperity.

Prosperity. Propensity. Prosperity.

I don't know. For the future. It's basically just there.

I'm also trying to convert any new audio that I produce into a video as well. Plus, I'm going to get my camera out probably next week and start to make some videos. And also, I will, so I'll make the video and at the same time I'll record it.

I'll have the recorder, the digital recorder thing that I've got here, listening to me at the same time. So it should, should, should, should, should be okay. Should work out fine.

Which is good. And maybe do some courses. I don't know.

But I just like to, once I've got everything organized on my website, on YouTube, and most of the stuff is organized on the podcasts. Although I've still got quite a few podcasts to prepare or to create. Because what I've done, because I've got 200 plus, I think it's 280, I don't know, something like that, self-development videos.

So I've been trying to organize those sessions into categories and making a podcast for that category. For example, I've got one called Jason Newland Talks About Kindness, and I've put all my kindness sessions there. And I've got Jason Newland Talks About Anger, and I've got my anger sessions.

So it's, you know, I'm trying to get things a bit more organized rather than just one big bunch of stuff. I just think that's more useful for people. I think, I hope so anyway.

And that's kind of my aim is to try and be as useful as possible with things that I do. Oh, my stomach just made a weird noise. And I don't know why.

It's pretty calm, pretty quiet at the moment, because it's the summer. There's been, I don't know, earlier, there's quite a lot of loud people around, which is, you know, I'm not worried about that. Just sometimes I feel, sound like they're having arguments, and it just distracts me a little bit from my knitting.

I don't knit. I thought about starting knitting, but I just don't think I can do it. I just don't think I can bring myself to.

No, I don't know. I don't think. And the thing is with knitting, who would I give stuff to? Who really wears woollen clothes anymore? I don't know anybody that does.

I'm sure people do, but in the winter, it's, I don't know. I just, I don't, I suppose I really, I like jumpers in the winter, but I like loose jumpers, I like big, loose, because I have to wear large or extra large anyway, but I don't like tight clothes. I don't like the restriction of it.

I like to be able to just feel like I would if I was naked. Not naked, but you know what I mean, the looseness, the non-restrictedness. So that's, that's kind of the same with trousers or, you know, anything like that.

I like to just feel loose and relaxed. The other day, actually, I think it was Wednesday, I got myself some boxer shorts. I've got four pairs.

I've got some socks and I've got some, two pairs of tracksuit bottoms. That is the most boring thing I've said today. You know, sometimes I'll actually be with someone and I'll be talking and I lose interest, not in them, but in myself.

I lose interest in what I'm about to say. Sometimes I'll actually stop mid-sentence and just say, no, I'm bored with that. I think, I don't know, I just, I'd like to have less boring conversations.

By boring, I think it's just, it's not even, it's a case of, it's really a boring conversation. It's just, it doesn't involve me. I suppose I like talking about myself.

I know that that is, I suppose, boring for others, but I don't really, really do chat for the sake of it unless it's, I can do small talk at a bus stop, ideally with an elderly person. I prefer to talk to elderly people because they're just friendlier, I find. And I've got an inbuilt respect for elderly people.

It's just, it's just there. And also funny as well. And I think it's realising, especially now as I'm reaching towards 50 and some of these people I talk to, they're maybe 20 years older than me.

It's not a lot, really. So they're maybe 70. And just realising that they've also got thoughts and feelings and personalities and senses of humour and they've had experiences.

And I've always known that, but it's just, I don't know. I think when I was younger, I used to think maybe that as people got older, they just, maybe their brains got a bit crusty, you know. It just like became a bit docile.

So I used to meet some people when I was younger and it wasn't necessarily young people, but some, some men, probably more so middle-aged. So I was in my twenties and I'd meet men in their forties and fifties and they just seemed like they were just, they'd given up and I couldn't understand it. But that was probably more that, you know, I didn't relate to them and they didn't relate to me.

And it was, I was probably annoying, if anything. It's hard to believe that I could ever be annoying, isn't it? But I was, you know, I used to, yeah, I didn't have much in the way of censorship, self-censorship back then. Self-editing wasn't a thing I had.

I'd just say and do whatever I wanted, really, without thinking of the consequences. Never really with malice, generally. I always had this, I had this worry that I didn't, I didn't want to end up being, um, I suppose being middle-aged and just, just having no activity in my brain.

The thing is that it was just my perception back then. Of course I've got activity, we've all got activity in our brains. It's just my perception was so self-absorbed that I just assumed other people, just because they weren't telling me what they were thinking about, didn't mean that they weren't thinking.

I'm just, I suppose I, I like to talk about what I'm thinking about, or what I'm feeling, if I had the opportunity. But I don't know many people that like to do that. You know, a lot of people that I've known, they, they need to, need to do it.

They need to funnel the emotions through a different kind of format and present it in a different way, um, through analogy or through stories of something that someone else did, or I, I'm not sure, maybe putting their energy, expressing their, their emotions through sport, watching football, for example, and allowing themselves to be emotional then, instead of in day-to-day life. And I was never really able to do that. I'm not saying I express my emotions generally, because I don't, I don't know many people that like to talk about feelings and, I don't mean feelings as in gushy sentimentality, just in the moment stuff, maybe, I don't know.

I don't know, I've come up with some stuff, don't I? Oh, excuse me. I think a nice belch, a nice fizzy belch is a good time to end this here session. I'll be talking for an hour again.

I can't believe it. I hope that no one's really listening anyway. I'm hoping that by now you've fallen asleep out of complete and utter boredom.

And that's what this is about. Something I learned years ago, that generally people don't seem that interested in other people as much as they are in themselves. And there's nothing wrong with that.

It's just, that's just the way, way of the world. But our own stories are maybe more interesting to ourselves than they will ever be to others. You know, someone said to me, and this is a friend, believe it or not, this is a friend.

And I said to her that she's another person that keeps going on about how I should charge for what I do. If I charge $1 for every session, I'm getting 5,000 downloads. That's $5,000 a week.

Yeah, but if I charged $1, I wouldn't get 5,000 downloads. It would, you know, there's that. I'd rather, I don't know, the way I see it, if I got 400 downloads a week, which would be enough for me to live on probably, if I got paid for each one, I'd rather have 5,000 a week and get paid nothing.

Because at least then I'm reaching an audience, a wider audience. You know, I don't know what is so difficult for people to understand the idea of it's free. I do this.

It's a free service. I do it to help people. That's it.

I thought I've been doing it long enough for those that know me to kind of understand that. But still, I had two conversations last week, two people that are sort of close people in my life. They still don't get it.

Still, 12 and a half years I've been doing this online. Still, they don't get it. But that's okay.

Although my friend, I said to her, you know, maybe I can make a living out of producing a product, writing a book, for example. And I thought as a book, a couple of ideas I've had. One is Life of a Bipolar Hypnotist, where I talk about the bipolar mental illness that I've dealt with since I was a child, and you know, the ups and downs and all that stuff, and talk about my childhood and the various issues that I've faced, you know, because of the kind of childhood I had, and also because of the illness I've had.

And the other book would be called Why Is It Free? And that book would be, it wouldn't be a big book, it wouldn't be a large, you know, thick thousand pages. It would just be a fairly short read. But it would be about this free service that I've been offering online since 2006.

Just talking about it, talking about how I got started, because, you know, it wasn't supposed to be the way it is. You know, I didn't aim to do it how I have done it. It's all come about through different circumstances, you know, like, just like life, really.

In January 2006, I wanted to break the world record for the biggest hypnosis audience, and it was going to be to stop smoking. That was what I was doing. That's why I printed up leaflets for.

And then the other side, I thought, oh, I'll offer a free chronic pain relief service as well. So I did that. I did that in color.

So I did postcards, the stop smoking thing on black and white side, and in the color, it was the chronic pain relief, free chronic pain relief service, which I had started in 2004 and been trying to promote and had no, pretty much no interest, a little bit, but very little interest. I'd seen a few people for relaxation and stuff, but that's it. But 2006, I had no intention of making recordings or videos at all.

And then it just, you know, built from there. But so I was going to do, you know, talking about writing that book, and I tried to write it a few times. Anyway, my friend said to me, who would want to read about you? Who'd want to read about your life? Isn't it amazing that just one sentence, one question, can be quite, I found it funny initially.

And then I didn't. Yeah. Anyway, I will write that book.

As soon as I've finished what I'm doing online, everything's all sorted and everything like that. Then I think I'm going to start looking at maybe spending a month working on a book, trying to put it together and just tell my story about why it's free. It's going to be called why is it free? Because that's the question I've been asked so many times.

And I feel the fact that I'm still offering this free service means I don't have to explain why it's free. It's free because it's a free service. You know, it's called a beef burger because beef is in it.

Beef, you know, it's called, I'm trying to think, a hot air balloon, because it's got, it's a balloon with hot air in it. You know what I mean? That's not a good example anyway. I'm going to go and I shall see you, speak to you next time.

Sleep well. Bye.