#25 Let me bore you to sleep - LIVE - Jason Newland (26th May 2018)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason. This is... Basically, what is this? I don't know. This is a live session.

It is live let me bore you to sleep number 25. And you can actually leave a message if you want. I'm pretty sure that you are allowed to leave messages.

And I should see it. So yeah. The whole point of this is... I want to see what it sounds like.

It's kind of a tester really. I want to see if the quality is okay. I'm always looking for new ways to... To hear what's going on.

But for some reason... Why is it not playing? Yeah. Oh okay. It's because I didn't press play.

So... I invite you to listen. And to be part of this experiment. And... I'm just going to talk.

I'll turn this off. Turn off the TV. Not TV.

The internet. So if I put an embed. Copy.

And if I add this to my website. Maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Maybe. I can allow people to listen on my actual website. So bear me two seconds.

So... Oh. It's not working. Okay.

Let's see. Okay, that's not working either. So it's still not working.

Nope. So yeah, this really is very, very boring. More boring than even I imagined it could possibly be.

All I want is this to just... To embed it into... My website. Why won't it allow me... Allow me to embed it... Into... Ah, okay. I know what I'm going to do.

I know exactly what I'm going to do. Get rid of that. I'm going to add this.

Add a new post. And see if this will work. And I'm hoping... I mean, I know that I've been talking for six minutes.

But... My aim... Actually, I'm going to turn the volume up, hopefully. My aim is to possibly be here for... Some time. So I wonder if this will work.

Yes, it has. It has worked. Very much so, which is good.

So now, this is going to be my... Play automatically. Yes. Full background photo.

No, don't need that. Player theme light. That'll do.

Ah, this is groovy. Groovy, groovy, groovy, groovy, groovy. Which means... If I just post this... I need to give it a title.

So... Let me bore you to sleep. Number, what is it, 25? 25. 25! I'm going to do this without... Recording it on the... Recording studio.

So everything should be recorded on the iPhone. Using the Spreaker app. Put out live.

And it's really a case of... Whether or not you want to... Watch it, listen to it, whatever. Let me bore you to sleep. Number.

Oh, Andre, stop farting, Andre. Where's that thing? There's certain keyboard bits, certain... Oh, that's it, got it. Number 25.

Live. Okay. So... I'm going to post this.

So this means it should be... Should, should, should, should, should. Should be good. Okay.

Let me bore you to sleep, 25. 25. Alright, any second now.

And then I can go over there and... Not lay down, but sit down. And just... Get on with it. In fact, I might actually do other stuff as well while I'm talking to you.

But the whole point is to just be boring. With my natural ability. And... That's it.

So hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, hopefully... If I go to my website... It will be... Available to just click on. So just... Click on the let me bore you to sleep. Yeah, let me bore you to sleep, 25.

I wonder if I don't put a picture on it... Whether it will just come up as the... The thing so you can just listen to it there and then... I wonder. Do, do, do, do, do. Anyway, so it's working.

And... I'm just going to turn the volume up to see if it's okay. So it's working. And... I'm just going to turn the volume up to see if it's okay.

Yep, it's working fine. So that's good. Ah, they're so pleased.

They're so pleased. Share on Facebook. Ah, they're so pleased.

They're so pleased. Share on Facebook. So... I won't have all this big hufflepuff next time.

So... Andre's coming up over here to... Ah, Andre, don't knock everything off, please. Please, man. Please.

He will, he has to knock stuff onto the floor. He has no... It's like he's got no choice at all. He just has to do it.

I don't know why. I don't know why. I haven't really understood what the enjoyment is of doing that.

He's going to do it now, so I'm going to have to go over. Off, off, please. Andre, off.

Good boy. He listened to me. It's the first time ever.

And... Yep, so that's all shared. So really, there's nothing... Nothing... I don't know what's going on there. Okay.

Oh, that wasn't what I expected. This has all gone a bit strange. Okay, so let me bore you to sleep, number 25, live.

All you do, just go to the website, click on it. But if you're listening to it, if you're listening to it now, you won't need to go to the website because it's already here. I suppose.

At least... It gives me more of a... Oh, someone's just... Sent me a text. Or a message. Okay, someone wants to sell two... Two times VIV for sale, £40 each.

No thanks. Okay, here we go. So, live now.

Share the link. Okay, so it's gone on twice. Fix publisher.

Right, so that's it. There's nothing else for me to do. But just to talk and talk and talk.

So that's cool. It's nice to just have a little bit of... Calmness, you know? A bit of... And it might be worth... It might be worth doing some kind of... I don't know. A bit of preparation, but... I started a little bit early today.

I'm looking at maybe doing 10 till 12 normally. But as it's... A Saturday evening and... I was actually a bit bored, to be fair. So... Here I am.

Doing my thing. So... I'm just kind of... Just going to see if I can... Do it again. And... Just going to see if there's a way where... For those who go to my website... They can actually see... You know, have the button there straight away.

Well, the button, but the actual embedded thingy. There probably is a way of doing it. Just going to see if it's possible.

Let me have a look. I wonder if it's being naughty. It's trying to climb all over me while I'm trying to... Give you lots of enjoyable fun.

It just doesn't understand. Okay, right, that didn't work. That's fine.

Manage posts. Get rid of that one. So this is what I'm going to perhaps plan to do... Over the coming... Weeks.

Is do everything live on here. And... And just see how it goes, you know. Kind of getting an idea of what's going on.

And... It's hard to know... Really who's even... Listening. If there's anyone listening, to be fair. I don't know.

There might not be anybody. But, that's not my problem. Well, it's not really anyone's problem.

It's just a thing, isn't it? Just what is. It is just what is. So... Get rid of that.

So I might as well, while I'm here, might as well... What I've been doing, I don't know if I told you. I've been... Transcribing my sessions. So, so far, I've transcribed now.

I'm about to transcribe my 21st hypnotic buffet. So that's, that's all the hypnotic buffets that I've done recently. So I'm about to transcribe that.

And I will eventually... Edit all of them and then... Probably put them on... To the internet. I say probably because, who knows? I don't know. I don't want to really guess at these things, but I... I probably will.

It's just how... How I'm going to do it, in what context. I mean, I could potentially edit them into some kind of a book. But... That's going to take effort.

And... I don't know if you've... May have realised by now, but... I'm very lazy. I don't like to really put much, in a way, effort into anything. So this feels wrong, you know? I don't like to put myself out really too much.

In any way, I like to just... Do as little as possible. That's my golden life, really. I'm just taking you into the kitchen.

I'm going to turn the light on. Get myself a nice little drink from the fridge. Ooh, lovely.

I've got a can of drink, but I always wash the... The top of the... Or rinse the top of the lid. Because... I suppose all the rat... All the rat weed. It's quite weird, because the last... Like yesterday, my live broadcast was on YouTube.

And I did record it on my... You know, my normal recorder. And so I kind of had both. But... I'm thinking... Why does it have... A weird, like a big... Fly or something, land on my glasses.

I've been thinking that I'd like to... Do... Do as little as possible. Really. Andre's about to climb up all over me.

I'll make sure I keep him away from the microphone. Hello, mate. Hello.

Hello. Who's daddy's little monkey? Who's daddy's little monkey? I love you. Yes, I do.

Daddy loves his banana. His little banana. Yeah, I know you're a furry.

I can't stop calling you banana. Who's my little prune? Look at those little prunes. Little prunes.

Look at them. What are you wiggling off? Oh. He's become a lot more... Cuddly lately.

Andre has. He goes through phases where he doesn't sit still for a second. You know, apart from when he's asleep.

And then he has some other periods when he will climb onto me. I'll be sitting in my big black squeaky chair. And he'll climb up and he'll just... On my lap.

We'll just have a cuddle. But right now I'm holding him. And he's closed his eyes and he's... He's just laid back in my arms, in my hands.

And he's just laying there. He's not doing anything. He's probably listening to my boring voice.

And saying, go on, daddy. Just keep talking so I can... Go, bye-byes. Oh.

Sometimes what I'll do is I'll, like, scratch his ear. One of his ears. Let's say he's got two ears.

And... He actually pushes against my finger. So that I sort of... So that I go, like, deeper into the ear. Because he likes it, I guess.

Because that's a part that he can't actually get to himself. And even if he could put his fingers in there... It'd probably cause damage because of his nails. I don't put my fingers inside his ears, I mean.

His ears are too little. Not that I would want to put my fingers right inside his ears, because... It's a little bit intrusive, really, isn't it? I think something like that, he'd need some kind of written consent. Wouldn't we? Yeah.

Some kind of contract. Give him your permission. He did a weird thing earlier.

He did a wee on the floor in the kitchen. No, not the kitchen, the bathroom. He started licking it.

It's like... What's that about? Normally he, like, sniffs, or he's just, like... I'm not sure why. I mean, he's, like, just... Maybe he's surprised. Maybe he's just constantly surprised.

He's, like... What's that thing that's just come out of my bottom? Like... He sniffs it and then runs away. I don't think he'd make half as much mess... If he had to clear it up himself. Imagine him at school.

Teacher catching him doing a poo on the floor. Andre, would you do that at home? Yes, miss. Yes, I would.

Because he does. Why can't you behave the way you do at home? Because, miss, you don't have a pillowcase for me to wipe my bum on. Andre, he's so rude.

So... Only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes. As this may cause drowsiness. As I just talk.

And... It'll variate. It'll variate between... Me... Talking about stuff. Telling some stories, maybe, that didn't really happen.

To really focus in on... Sleeping and how you feel. So it really will be a mixture. And just so you know that you can listen to this live on my website.

Every time I record. Depending on how well the audio is when I record it. I'm hoping the audio will be okay.

It's not... It's not loud loud. It's not... Too quiet either. But then... I don't think it would really make that much sense if I was doing... If I was, you know, really talking loudly.

I think that would maybe defeat the... Some of the object of what I'm doing here. Not that there's much of an objective in mind, really. This is more of a... Kind of an experimental thing.

I'm possibly one of the only people doing this... Thing that I'm doing. It's very... You know, there's no planning, there's no script. And... There never has been any script.

Pretty much at anything that I've done. So, you know, it's just... I guess it's more of the same. But... Recording this... Well, not why I'm recording it, but... To do this on the... Set on the actual... iPhone app... Is... Very new to me.

And I just realised something. That... My telephone could ring. I forgot to... Turn off the... Turn my phone onto... Flight mode.

So if it does ring, I'll just... I'll get rid of it. I hope it doesn't cut me off from the app. If it does, it's just a learning experience, I guess.

So with this... I get... 60... 120... Yeah, I get three hours... Worth of... Time... Per... Live session. I can talk for three hours... Before I get cut off. And that's the plan that I have with them.

That's the subscription plan I have. But I can do as many three hour sessions as I want in a day. And I have... The plan I've got is 500 hours maximum.

And I've used about 260 hours of those... With my other... Sessions. That I have uploaded... On the various podcasts on Spreaker. So there's still plenty of room.

And... Yeah... Plenty of space. But when I get to the 500 mark, I'll just upgrade it to a... To a higher level. If needed.

So... For me, you know, the whole point, as I said... I know I've talked about this before, but... I sometimes feel like I need to keep... Repeating... The... What these sessions are about. In a sense of... Kind of explaining what... What I'm doing. And... Why I'm doing it.

But I'm not sure if I need to do that. I don't know if it's really... Necessary. It's really just a case of... I suppose, in a way, this is kind of consolidating... All aspects of what I do into one thing.

Talking. Hypnosis. Maybe offering some kind of... Insights or... Ideas, thoughts that may be useful.

Maybe reminding you that... How amazing you are. You know, at times... I think it's useful to be reminded of... You know, there's this... I think all of us... Have... Done things in the past... That have gone, that have, you know... Had the butterfly effect. In a sense of... Maybe transforming another person's life.

But we may never, ever, ever... Find out about it. Because the person that maybe... Had that transformation... We may never have met. It might be due to something that we said to somebody... Who then said something to somebody else... Who then behaved in a certain way... And it might be way down the line.

It may even be... The person whose life may be transformed by your actions... May not even be born yet. You know, because it might be the parent... The future parent of that child... Who... Has this new feeling... These new ideas... These changed... Thought patterns regarding maybe... Raising a child, realizing that... You know... How precious... Human beings are... And to... To treat... Other humans... As if they're the most precious... Diamond in the world. You know... I suppose it's kind of a standard... Spiritual practice in some way is to think... Of... You know, you think of one person in your life that...

You really, really love deeply... Or have loved deeply... You know... Just someone that... Just, you know, maybe it's a family member... Or it could be... A familiar... But I guess now it would be Andre... My little ferret, you know... My little boy, Andre... But to... To love someone... Completely... And then to start seeing other people that maybe you meet... That you've never known before... And seeing them as that person... Seeing them as... A special person... Even though you may not know them... Don't know really much about them... And they may be rude to you on that occasion...

But then you can get into the reality of the situation and... Realize that we're all rude at some point... We all have... Off days... Off moments... Maybe in person... Maybe on the telephone... Maybe... By email... On Facebook... Twitter... YouTube... Or I list all the different websites... You know, it's... Sometimes, you know, we're humans... We say things or write things down... But I need later... Think about it and think... Oh... That wasn't a good idea... Perhaps I shouldn't have done that... I know I was rude to someone... Years ago I was rude to someone on the phone and...

I felt so bad... Really, really felt bad about it... And... I decided that... I would never do that again... You know, that would never happen again... And... That lasted for about two days... No, it didn't... I haven't... Really, really kind of tried to... Control... It's frustration, isn't it? Really... I suppose... And I'm used to being frustrated... I'm a middle-aged man... I haven't had a girlfriend for years... I'm used to being frustrated... It's my natural state of mind... So... I'll be honest... The only thing I'm really frustrated about at the moment is... I'm not frustrated... But I am concerned about the...

The volume... If the volume's okay on this recording... On this live broadcast... But I think, you know... I might as well use the technology that's available... And... Make use of it and do my best with it and... You know... Just do the best I can... So here I am... Got my iPhone... Using the app... The Spreaker app on my iPhone... I'm using the headphone socket... So I've got my... Microphone... Near my mouth... I think it's near my mouth... It's just there... Just there... And hopefully it's loud enough... As I said earlier... I've embedded the live broadcast into...

My website... I've shared that page... So basically what you've got to do... If you want to... You may be listening to this somewhere else... But if you want to actually listen to it... It'll be 10 till 12... That's going to be the time that I'm going to be doing these... Daily... Let me bore you to sleep... Sessions... Live... Broadcasted live... Hopefully... If this goes to plan... If I can... Yeah... I mean the only... The only real problems would be... If... I suppose the main problem would be... Is if the internet shut down... Because I do sometimes have problems with the internet...

So if I lost the internet... Then the broadcast would stop... And that would be the end of it... So I guess... Recording it... As well... Separately... Would be a good idea... Because then... I wouldn't have lost... Two hours... Of... Stuff... Or an hour and a half... Or however long I talk for... So yeah... Maybe I'll do that... So I'm just going to see... See how it goes... I kind of like the idea of being a radio DJ... I like the idea... Yeah... I kind of like the idea of doing something like that... But... It's not the ideal thing for people to be listening to...

If they're driving... Or... You know... Things like that... It's more... For people that are just... I don't know... Maybe... Lying in bed... Doing whatever you're doing... You know... Just lying there... And... I really wanted to say... Playing with yourself... And I don't know why... Because I didn't... I had no intention... Of saying that... It's weird, isn't it? It's like... That's not even what I mean... I mean... Just lying... Just... Laying... Lying in bed... Is it laying in bed... Or lying in bed? Because you know... I mean... Laying in bed... Seems more... Because you're laying down...

Lying in bed... It seems the same... But at the same time... There's a different meaning, isn't there? It's like... Just... Saying stuff that's not true... Telling fibs... I was born in 1832... You know... I was a film star... When I was in my twenties... You know... Just some kind of lies... I used to be a giant... So... I don't know... We'll just see... So... Back to the... Game... The... The meaning... Of what we're doing... I'm just feeling fairly relaxed... I'm laying... I'm not laying back... In my big... Black squeaky chair... But I am... Kind of laying on it...

Even though it's still... Fairly upright... It's kind of the position... That I would sit in... If I was watching television... Sort of fairly comfortable... Actually it's quite comfortable... One leg over the other... Not in a... Cross-legged position... As if I'm... You know... Maybe in a job interview... Pretending to be interested... Not that kind of... But just... Very relaxed... Calm... Way... Got my eyes closed... Which I always find is useful... Just... It's quite bright in here... Sometimes... At night... I find the light... Is a bit too bright... Sometimes... Though I don't have... One of those dimmer...

Switches... For the... Like the main light... But you know... I'm thinking... In the future... I think I'd quite like to... Get some of that... Get like a... A dimmer light... Because I think it's good to have... Aims in life... It's good to have... You know... Plans and... Something to look forward to... Some people have a 10 year plan... And... It involves... You know... Maybe travelling the world... And... Maybe getting that... Ideal... Dream job... Maybe getting married... Having children... Possibly... Or... Meeting the... You know... The man or woman of their dreams... Or donkey... Or you know...

Whatever... And... Maybe to live in a big... Mansion... On the mountains... With a big swimming pool... I'd like a dimmer switch... On my light... But I'm not saying that's all I want... You know... I'm not... I'm not trying to... Minimise my... Ambition... In life... But... I did think about... Getting some curtains... That opened themselves... Just... I don't know... Maybe to... You know... You can get those... I think Alexa... Or you know... The different things you can get now... And they can be connected to all... Different appliances... Including the... Curtains that open themselves... But... I don't know...

I just... Seeing the curtains open by themselves... And seeing the... Television... Turning on... Or the kettle turning on... Without me touching it... Or the lights... Dimmering... You know... Things like that... Reminds me too much of Poltergeist... Just... I don't know... I think that maybe I should... Also it feels a little bit lazy... I mean... I know that I'm... I'm not lazy-lazy... But... I'm very selective... With those things that I... Get excited about... I don't really... Actually I don't really get excited about things... But... A little bit like when I was at school... I only... Really...

Had... I can only really do subjects I was interested in... Which... Pretty much... Reduced... All the subjects down to... Nothing at times... It was... Mathematics... No interest in that... Geography... No interest in that... History... Not really interested in that... And what other subjects were there? I did Home Economics... I liked eating... The cakes especially... And I didn't mind cooking the cakes... So it wasn't... That wasn't terrible... Andre's now gone to eat his food... He's just had a little bit of a... Romantic session in the bedroom... With his girlfriend... So he's just gonna... He seems to eat a lot more since he's given up smoking...

I didn't like... So... You know... Religious education... Wasn't really interested in that... Although I did... There's a couple of bits... There was a period when I... Quite liked it... Because one of my... RE teachers... She... She started talking about... Vampires and werewolves... And stuff like that... And... I don't know why actually... But... I got really... Really interested in that... And I got a bit... Hugely focused on... You know... That like paranormal... Stuff... And... Yeah... Very interested in... I used to study... Anything to do with... Witches... You know... Monsters... Demons... You know... I'd actually go to the library...

And research these things... If only there was a book there on how to... Get a girlfriend... Perhaps I should have... Spent more time reading that kind of stuff... Or how to be a mechanic... You know... Something useful... But I didn't... PE... That's physical education... And... See... I didn't like that either... I didn't... Really enjoy... Really any aspect of it... The only thing I did like... Was... Dodgeball... Andres... Now at the game... Talking about dodgeballs... He's... You know... Sorry... He's... Facing my balls... What are you doing Andres? Leave them alone... Very good old sniff... You know you smell bad...

When a fur... Is sniffing you... Kisses... Give daddy kisses... Give daddy kisses... Oh... I love your kisses... Special... Special kisses... Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes... Yes, yes, yes... Special kisses, missies... Special kisses, missies... Yes... Yes... Tibbity-tobbity-doo... Tibbity-tobbity-doo... Yes, yes, yes... Yes... By the way, I'm talking to Andres... I'm not... I'm not going loopy... He... I'm reaching his ear and he's pushing against it.

So I liked dodgeball. The reason I like dodgeball is because I was really good at it and I was quite often the last person standing because I wasn't very big but I was very flexible so I think not being very big was good because the ball had less to hit and I was short, I was skinny but I was able to really bend and move quickly and pretty much do all kinds of somersaulty stuff and avoid the ball. I even got to the point where, because I don't think I was particularly popular really, I think being able to avoid the ball possibly annoyed everybody even those on my own team.

So there'd be two of us left, me and someone on the other team and then the other team would get hit by the ball and that should have been the end of the game but it carried on and both sides were trying to hit me with the ball, even my own side. I didn't quite understand what was going on because the game was over but it didn't stop me from just dodging it.

I like dodgeball, another thing I like about dodgeball is it's got the right title, dodge ball, you dodge the ball, it's like brilliant, and golf, I've no idea how that came to be, I could google it, I could wikipedia it but I can't be bothered, boxing, box, box, I suppose it's like a box, you're in a box aren't you, not in a box literally, there'd be no room and even if it was a big box over there it'd be dark wouldn't it, because even if it was the box big enough, the size of a ring

it'd be too dark and you couldn't really have a light in there because that'd be a health and safety issue wouldn't it, cardboard and electricity could cause problems, plus you'd have to have it high enough to be able to walk around and stand up and stuff, so yeah I guess the box was a bit, the ring was square maybe that they're in, it's not really a ring is it, nowhere else do you have a square ring apart from maybe other places where a ring is square that I'm not aware of, I was supposed to have

thunder, I was supposed to have thunder over the weekend, I don't know today or tomorrow, won't be today now because we're nearly at the end, although it could be today because we've still got another hour or so before the end of the day, another two hours, I was watching on the web a forecast and they said, the person on the web said it's going to be, can have loads and loads of rain in one hour, how specific is that, that's really specific isn't it, it's like pinpointing a particular tree that's gonna sway the most in

the wind, it's gonna rain for one hour, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna actually measure it, well not measure it, I can't measure the rain, you can measure the rain can't you, stick a bucket out of the window and I think, I'm not sure how they do it, how do they measure the rain, I mean you'd have to collect it all wouldn't they, really, let's say it was six inches of rain or two inches of rain fell in an hour or six inches of rain fell, it's a guess really isn't it, I think, it can't be

the average because what about those places that don't get any rain, you'd have to spread it over there as well, so it could end up being just an inch, I think, I'm making it up, I don't know, I really don't care, there's things I didn't really enjoy about sports, I didn't, you know, I can't say I really enjoyed getting undressed in a public place with, you know, I know the changing rooms, technically it's private, you know, don't share with the girls, it's not, you know, you don't have people paying tickets to come in, hopefully, there's

no gallery of people watching, but that's not streamed live on the internet, but the thing is I just didn't like taking my clothes off in front of other people, I still don't really, I don't mean I don't like getting undressed in schools, I'm obviously an adult now, I'm talking about when I was a child, and because I was always, I was always pretty much the youngest in my year, I was the youngest in my year, so I was born at the end of August, and some of the other kids in my year at school were

born at the beginning of September, and when I say born, I don't mean they were all fetuses at school every year, I mean, they were older, so they were nearly a year older than me, but they managed to be in the same year as me, so in the last year of school, yeah, I think I was an adolescent, and I was, you know, everything kind of worked okay, as far as bodily and stuff, but some of the other kids in the school, they were like, they were like adults, proper big strong men, and I was

still a teenager, like quite a little, quite skinny, and anyway, the reason I'm telling you this is because right now I'm not anything really, I just didn't enjoy getting undressed, which is weird in a way, because I used to live, firstly I used to live in a children's home when I was about two years, or something more than that maybe, so I lived in a dormitory with a bunch of other kids, so I'd be getting dressed and undressed all the time, well not all the time, but you know, at those times when removing clothes was

required, I guess, and I don't remember being shy back then, but it was a long time ago, I can't remember everything, and also grew up in a household with brothers, so I guess I wasn't bothered back then either, but there's something about a school, I felt vulnerable, it's something about vulnerability, I think, and also there was fights going off, and in the, you know, in the changing rooms sometimes, sometimes even in the shower, and I pretty much always missed the shower, I didn't have a shower, because I wasn't prepared to get naked, like naked naked,

and go into it, it just didn't seem right, it didn't feel right for me, I just, yeah, didn't like it, so I didn't do it, oh I didn't, also another thing, I didn't really, I wasn't madly impressed with the gym teacher, who really seemed to, I don't know, he spent a lot of time in there, making sure that everyone was showering, he seemed, he seemed more interested in the showering than he did in the actual sports part, but I'm sure it's fine, it's just maybe he wasn't worried about hygiene, but, because hygiene is important isn't

it, I must have really stunk, so I never had a shower, I did at home, but I never had a shower, you know, at school, because I didn't want to be naked, I think I'd have been more comfortable with the women, with the girls, just, I've always liked women, I've always liked girls better than boys, just generally, I found them easier to be around, I say generally, I mean, just as I grew up, I liked the girls, my best friends were boys, but as an adult, my best friends have been girls, quite often, or women,

and yeah, I think I'd have been a bit more comfortable, I like the, you know, being really into the aggression that can come with boys and men, you know, I'm not really that way inclined to, what was it, what's those birds peacocking, yeah, not really into the showing off, trying to be better than other people, or trying to be something, show how manly I am, and, because I've never been manly, ever, and I'm okay, I'm at peace with that, I really am at peace with that, because I don't feel that I need to be manly,

it's kind of weird, really, in a way, because I used to, see, football, I only ever played, I didn't really play football, all I did, first of all, I never got picked, and if I did get, well, I was never picked first, and I was always pretty much the last person to get picked, me, and the person in the wheelchair, you know, it was kind of, the person in the wheelchair would be picked before me, I mean, I really was picked last, most of the time, and it wasn't that I wasn't physically able, you know,

I was very, I was quick, I was very physically fit, but lack of motivation, lack of motivation, wasn't really, or lack of interest, you know, I said, okay, what is it, so the ball, got to try and get the ball into the net, into the goal, oh, by the way, when I say football, some of you may call it soccer, and you're wrong, it's called football, just thought I'd let you know that, just for future reference, it's not soccer, it's football, yep, football, it's not called the soccer world cup, it's a football world cup, yeah,

good, good, good, that's sorted, because unlike the American football is, English football doesn't stop every five seconds, so I was really surprised, I mean, American football is so glamorous, and it's, the atmosphere is way better, I think, than anything the English can give, because the English just gets so aggressive with football, and that's what I don't really like about the game, you know, in America, it's, again, I'm only going by what I see on the television, because I can't fly out to America to do research for this recording, you know, it just doesn't, I don't

have the money for that, but I just see, you know, on TV sometimes, these football games, American football games, and there's like families, little kids there, they seem to be having fun, and it's just so different from the tribalism that seems to happen in football here, it's very, you know, people, they love their football team, as if it's a kind of religion, you know, which is, yeah, I just never really understood it, I don't want to mock it or anything, I just don't understand it, that's all, I've only ever been to one football match ever,

and a friend of mine took me, I was working with him, he was younger than me, and he, we went there, it was like a Wednesday night or something, and it was hardly anyone in the stadium, or the football match was going on, it wasn't like, it wasn't a big game, it was just a standard game, and what I was surprised is, firstly, how small the pitch is, when you're actually there, because I thought it was going to, because on television, the pitch looks massive, but when you're actually in the stadium, it's not that big,

the pitch, really, and Andre's coming back again to hassle me, he's coming back again, Andre, yeah, what are you doing, yeah, he's coming back, yeah, so with the football, I didn't put a lot of effort into playing football, that's Andre sniffing and licking my fingers, what's he doing, you know, a bit of skin between your finger and your thumb, a bit of, I guess it would be webbing if he was a duck, I suppose it, yeah, that's the only way I can describe it, well, it's kind of a bit of a flappy, it's not flappy,

like, it doesn't flap around in the wind, it's not noticeable, but it is kind of a little bit of skin, isn't it, he likes to grab hold of that and bite it, which is, I don't understand why, because unless it's got some kind of a different smell to the rest of me, is that why, Andre, does that bit between my finger and thumb smell like a girl ferret or a jill, they're called jills, girl ferrets, yeah, oh, oh, what does it smell like, my old slipper, there's now your girlfriend, yeah, he's really relaxed and calm,

he's just laying back in my hands, I'm just stroking his chest, just scratching his chest lightly, he likes that, don't you, I can feel his little ribs underneath, his chest bone, his collarbone, little ribs on either side, I know it's probably strange but I actually do massage him, I give him massages, nothing weird, no happy endings, just general massage, so I massage his neck, massage his hands, massage his shoulders, massage down his spine, his back, and it's just, you know, his face as well, just give him a nice little rub and massage just to I

suppose a mixture of having that physical connection with him and, you know, showing him that I love him and that is also the, I mean, massage is good for all of us, so I imagine it helps him to, so I did actually, I studied massage at college quite a few years back, so I did, wait, admittedly there wasn't a, he's just fallen off the chair, sorry Andre, admittedly I kind of half pushed him off, he was about to jump onto the iPhone and he would have turned it off, I didn't mean to, he kind of

half fell, I didn't push it but I kind of prevented him from jumping up onto the table and he sort of fell off, he's okay though, you know, I did a massage course, I think massage is so good for all of us, it's just to, it's like with babies as well, if you can massage their feet and their hands, you know, so many nerve endings in our feet and hands and it can, you know, it can help the entire body and also touch is important, I mean, I don't have anyone touch me so I figure

on what it feels like but I know Andre gives me kisses and cuddles and that, so I suppose that's the best I'm going to get at the moment, but massaging is good, I do, I massage my own hands sometimes, I'd massage my feet if I could find them, so I just stick to my hands, sometimes I massage my back of my neck and you can massage your forehead and your temple and your eyes, your jaw, your face, you can massage your chest, you know, just bits, anywhere that your hands can get to, basically you can

massage, so you can provide, you know, your physique and reach there without any discomfort, you can massage your own shoulders, obviously with the other hand unless you're, actually I can reach my shoulder with my thumb, but it's a very, very minimalistic massage, yeah, I wouldn't be able to write a book about that, I don't think I'm going to write a book about massaging anything really, I don't think it's so, you know, I've been thinking should I write a book, should I, you know, it's like why, yeah, you know, I mean anything I do I just

want to give it away for free anyway, I got this real, I don't know why, but I seem to have a real dislike for any kind of money-making processes, which is strange because I'm going to have to earn money at some point, I'm going to need to earn money, you know, I do worry sometimes about the, you know, what if, what if I need money one day, like really, you know, desperately need money, what if someone close to me was ill and I needed to, you know, I mean if something happened to someone that I

care about and they needed treatment, medical treatment, an operation, and they were told they'd have to wait three months for the operation, I'd want to get them seen privately and get their operation done tomorrow, I'd like to, not so much for myself but for other people, I'd like to be in a position one day to be able to do that, and then, you know, but I'm not now, but going back to football, I don't, my only success was with football was once I got, what do you call it, triplets, triplet, you know, I scored three

goals, they were home goals, but they were still goals, the thing is, and in my defense, right, nobody told me that we were in the second half, and only told me that in the second half you swap over, you swap sides, so they'd swap sides, I thought we were still on that side, so I thought I was doing really well, wondering why no one was getting in my way, and yeah, I scored three goals, I actually thought I was a hero, and I probably would have sung Mariah Carey's Hero, you know, not being for the

fact that the song hadn't been written yet, because this is the early 80s I'm talking about, I say it hadn't been written yet, I mean it might have been written a long time ago, I read that note, but he didn't release it until the 90s, what about 95, 96, I think it was Music Box, wasn't it, that album, yeah, I think, and the other thing I used to do with football, oh, when football was happening, is me and my friend, we used to not really play, we'd always be in defense, but kind of extra defense,

so it wasn't, we weren't really needed, so quite often we wouldn't even sit, we'd just be off the pitch, and we'd just spin, spin and spin until we got dizzy and fell over, that's pretty much all we did, just spam until we got dizzy enough to fall over, that was because it was fun, I'm trying to think what other sports I used to do, basketball, yeah, I didn't play basketball, I wasn't, I was pretty short, so basketball wasn't really the right game for me to play when I was, you know, I think it's really a

tall person's game, it doesn't have to be, I think ideally if you're going to play it with short people, it's fine, you know, but if you're going to play basketball with people that are nearly six foot, you know, it's just not fair, they've got an advantage, so yeah, I didn't, I do, I do, I do, I did enjoy chucking the ball at the basket to get it in, you know, just like when there's no one around, because with basketball I didn't spin around during the basketball, the kid was inside and the floor was too hard,

so if I did that I'd fall over and I'd hurt myself, might graze my leg, graze my knee or something, and that's keeping these nice when I became a model, what other things?

Tennis, tennis was all right, of course, we only played it in the summer, well I say of course, but we, the tennis nets were outside and they were put up during the tennis season, whenever that is, but in the summer, and I think I was probably the second worst tennis player, but unfortunately I ended up, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, I ended up playing the worst, who was my best friend, he was, he was even worse than I was at tennis, so it was quite frustrating, I kind of got a little

glimpse of what it was like for other people playing with me, but I think with me a lot of it was just lack of interest really, what's the point I can't hear over the net, I used to be okay with table tennis, I used to have a table tennis table at home, because I had two older brothers, they were competitive, and it wasn't that much fun always being beaten, what other sports, oh hockey, I got, yeah I got banned from hockey for hitting people with a stick, so yeah, it was even though we had pads,

you know, the shin pads and stuff like that, I think someone might hit me in the shin on purpose, so I basically started chasing them all over the field, and I wasn't aiming for their shin, so I got banned from playing that game, one of the games, whatever sports was there, cricket, that's another one, yeah I think someone hit me in the knee, so I didn't like that, got hit in the knee, I had all the pads on, and the one knee that wasn't protected got hit by the ball, as if they like really meant

to do it, so yeah the ball ended up back at them, okay it wasn't their knee that I was aiming at, I think a lot of people hurt me, just didn't, it's not really sportsmanship is it, what else, what other sports were there, swimming, never really been really into swimming, because you know, well what's the point, so it's not really a sport, I mean it is a sport for people to compete, but at school it wasn't a sport, it was just a bunch of lads acting like little apes, trying to push each other's heads under

the water, and it was horrible, I didn't like it, so I didn't didn't enjoy going swimming, plus I couldn't swim, I didn't help, what else, that's most of the sports, running, long distance running I was quite good at, I've always had a very slow pulse, I wonder if it's come back for more, more of the same, you come back for more kisses, and long distance running I was pretty not good at, but I could do, but always slow, I was never never really a racer, never really in a hurry, never been in a hurry, so

racing, I did a, I think I've told this story before, but I did a race, I ran the 200 meters, thinking I was running the 100 meters, or it might have been a 400 meters, thinking I was running the 100 meters, and I won that race, I won, I beat everyone to the 100 meter mark, and then they kept on running, so I felt good for a bit, so Andres now jumping up at the radiator, what does he expect to accomplish from that, he thinks I'm going to take him out at 11 o'clock at night,

and I'm really not going to do that, it's not going to happen, not in any, no, not in any place, any place, is that a proper thing, not in any, any world am I going to do that, take him out at night, it's getting a bit chilly in here now as well, a bit cold, just a little bit, not cold cold, but just a bit, I can't think of any other, I can't think of any other sports that I used to indulge in, I wonder what other ones there were, but rounders, rounders was okay, I

quite like rounders, one of the reasons for it is because they had a soft ball, so if you got hit by the ball it didn't, it wasn't like a major thing, see I quite liked it, the only thing I struggled a little bit hitting the ball with the rounders bat, but I felt more included with rounders because everyone's kind of there, everyone's involved, it was, yeah, it's quite cool, and it wasn't like with cricket, you'd be stuck on, you know, you keep hitting it and you stay on, I think with rounders you'd hit the ball

once and then you start running, it's, I think it's much more fun than cricket, yeah I think, I suppose rounders is baseball isn't it, in America, baseball, I don't know all the rules behind it, but I just think that, I think the ball should be chucked so hard and should be chucked underarm, nice and softly, so the person that's about to bat can see the ball and have a really good swing at it really, maybe that defeats the object, but makes sense to me, I feel a bit hungry now so I think I'm going to

go and have something to eat, I don't know if I'm going to do another live one, I don't know how it's working out, don't even, not even sure if anyone's even listened while it's been live, I really don't know, anyway, there's Andre, he's gonna be making a bit of noise as he's eating his dry food, I'm gonna sign off for tonight, I'm gonna go and make myself a nice little sandwich and yeah, so I've done an hour and a half, I'm done, I've done an hour and a half, so there's still an hour and a

half left if I wanted to continue, but that's all right, so I'm gonna go, please remember to visit my website jasonnewland.com and I'll keep you updated, I'm gonna try and sort out some kind of a routine for these sessions but I don't know if, I don't know if there will be, I really don't know, I hope to do that, okay, see you later, take care of yourselves, lots of love, bye.