(ASMR) (no music) Whisper Thursday | LMBYTS #1337 | 24th April 2025

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

This is... I don't know what this is. What is this? I don't know. It's gonna be, that was weird wasn't it, it's gonna be a relaxation session but but the thing is everything I do is kind of a relaxation session.

I suppose I could do a body scan, perhaps just talk, just chat generally. I did think about maybe looking at the newspapers. Could be a pain relief session.

I'm not sure. I think a relaxation session. Just maybe a vague, this is one of those vague recordings.

Where no one really knows what it is. But do we care? I don't know. Just relaxation.

Morning relaxation. I suppose it could be evening relaxation. But there's no bad time to relax is there really? I think because I've been focusing the last seven or eight years on the Let Me Bore You To Sleep recordings.

I've got it in my mind a little bit that people would only listen to my recordings at night. However when it comes to relaxing, which is pretty much 99% of everything I do. Any time of the day is a good time to relax.

I listen to recordings in the afternoons sometimes. Occasionally in the morning I might listen to a recording. And I personally quite enjoy listening to an audio book.

I'm thinking maybe I should write, I should do an audio book. What should I do an audio book about? Do you think anyone would listen to an audio book with my boring voice? Would anyone ever get past a chapter? That's the thing because if you're listening to an audio book or an audio recording with the sole intention to actually listen to it. Like reading a book, listen, absorb, focus and all that stuff.

And perhaps my voice is not correct for that particular adventure. Oh you want to know about the Facebook group? Okay so yeah I've got a Facebook group called Jason Newland's Boring Group. It's on Facebook.

I don't know what else to say about it. It's super groovy. Does that help? So there are now 217 members of the group.

I've also seen my YouTube channel. It's at Jason Newland. And what's at YouTube.com but you know at Jason Newland is the handle.

Blimey that takes me back to the CB days. Citizen Band Radio. What's your handle? What's your handle? My handle is at Jason Newland.

No you can't give your name. You have to have a handle. Okay um Pink Piggy.

Yeah that's better. How can Pink Piggy be better than my own name? Because then we don't know who you are. But you do know who I am.

I'm your next door neighbour. Yeah but you know what I mean. Not supposed to know who each other are.

I can see you through the window. What are you doing looking through my window? Well I didn't mean to be looking through your window. It was an accident.

How do you accidentally look through my window? I was trying to look through your sister's. We laughed. But yesterday I had a really busy busy podcast day yesterday.

Busiest for a long time. I don't know why. It might just be one of those freaky days where it just gets busy for no apparent reason.

The day before was quiet so maybe that's what it was. I mean really over Easter it's been. Okay Easter day was busy.

No not Easter day. Saturday. No Easter day.

Yes Easter day. Sunday. Easter day was okay.

I suppose technically bank holiday Monday was okay. Tuesday was slow. Then yesterday Wednesday was busy.

So I say busy. I had on Spreaker I had 4284 total downloads or plays. So that was a bit more than normal.

How many of those are on my website? Let's have a look. Yesterday Sauces, Tomato, Barbecue, 24 of those plays were on my website. Because you know my website jasonnewland.com you can listen to all my recordings.

Yeah I know it's exciting isn't it? Yeah super super cool. Super groovy. So how many total downloads have I had since I've had Spreaker? Since I've been using Spreaker back in 2018.

This is the total number of total downloads all together. But you know it's not my total downloads because I've I've used other things. But with Spreaker total downloads.

It's like I'm trying to build it up to something that it isn't isn't it? I've had 32 downloads. No um so since 2018 I've had 15,173,738 total downloads. Which is plays that's what they mean when they say downloads.

Plays. So 15,173,738 that's not bad. It's all right isn't it? It's all right I suppose.

On SoundCloud. On SoundCloud. I was pretty busy yesterday as well.

So on SoundCloud all together. All time. So this is this SoundCloud one.

So I've had a few different SoundCloud accounts over the years. These ones I've had since 2000 and I think it was October 2023. And this one I've had 2,448,294.

And the other one I've had about a million and something. I can check it out. I wonder if I have to it might be on here.

Is it on here? Yeah it is yay. I've got it on there. Let's have a look profile insights.

Okay all time. Oh no not quite a million but nearly. So with the other one.

The Letting Boy To Sleep one. 935,003 plays. So what's like the total for there? It's 2,448,003,000.

I'll try to work it out. So 35,930,000 okay so it's 3,000,000 and 300,000. 3,300,000 roughly between the two.

So that's 15, 16, 17, 18,500,000. So since 2018 I had 18 over 18 million downloads. Since 2018 but in reality.

Bearing in mind I started this 12 years earlier. The whole podcasting and videos and stuff. 2006 so add on a few more million to that.

I don't know how many so I'm well over 20 million. But maybe yeah I mean 12 years. I imagine I had quite a few.

A few million downloads over that time. Because I kept swapping around using different podcasts. And you know I think I've used all of them at different times.

Just testing them out. Use one for a few months you know and then stop using it. I've had multiple, multiple, multiple, multiple SoundCloud accounts over the last 15 years.

Probably yeah that was yeah I'm just trying to think. Just got out of bed thinking it's not really my. I don't know didn't even have an ending to the sentence for that one.

Quite a few anyway. I woke up about two o'clock this morning. I was laying kind of on my back but to my right side.

And Vinnie was underneath my armpit pretty much. Like cuddled right up to my. My body my upper body.

Really cuddled into me. And I'm like why? Why is he doing that? Because he doesn't do that if I'm awake. It was just it was nice I didn't want to move.

It was nice. The birdies are starting to bird, birdie? The birds are starting to be birds. Singing and stuff you know.

It's 4.49am. It's still dark outside. I do, I kind of like, yeah I do like this time of year. Seeing things start up early.

There's always one bird that starts. You know you hear it when they all like start at the same time. There's always one that starts a little bit early.

And you hear all the others like shout. Shut up it's too early. We're not up yet.

And it stops. It reminds me a little bit of. When I was on retreat.

And this bloke was walking through the dormitories with a bell. Like a you know hand bell thing. What? What? Like the hunchback in Notre Dame.

Kind of the bell, the bell. And I was just like why? Why are you doing that? It was a retreat. It was just a meditation retreat.

How is that peaceful? To be woken up by a bell. Really really loud bell. That's the weird thing about the whole.

Yeah it was. It makes you a real dumbness. I don't necessarily mean that we.

You know I don't know. Just have some some other way. To wake up the people in time for meditation.

I suppose blowing gently into their ear. Perhaps you can't do that for everyone because it takes time but. Or just brushing a feather over the bottom of their feet.

Hoping that they'd wake up feeling nice. I don't know. There's a lot of different ways isn't there? But not a bell.

Never a bell. No that's not a peaceful way to wake up. You go into the meditation room.

And you see people with the weirdest expressions. Almost in shock. You know it's like they were suddenly woken up by this bell.

Next thing they're in a meditation room. Being peaceful. And it's confusing.

Their body's fine but their face isn't. It's like what the heck was that? Also you'd hear like a lot of snoring. A lot of snoring.

People would just snore. A lot of middle-aged men. There as well.

And I think it kind of comes with the territory a bit. Sometimes to just. If you close your eyes.

Sit down and close your eyes you may nod off. I think it's funniest when it's the meditation teacher that's doing it. So the leader of the meditation.

When that person falls asleep. And maybe they're leading through a body scan or. Maybe they're actually doing a focused meditation.

And they clearly fall asleep. And someone has to get their bell out don't they? Ring the bell to wake them up. It's very disturbing.

It's not a relaxing meditation. When everyone's ringing bells. Where would you even buy a bell? Oh that's a serious question.

Have you ever thought about that? You know the old-fashioned bells. With a handle and a. I was going to say what's it shaped like? I suppose a bell. Shapes.

That is the shape isn't it? It's a bell shape. Bell's a weird word and when you say it it just doesn't sound right does it? Bell bell bell bell bell bell bell. Bell bell bell bell bell bell bell bell bell bell bell bell bell bell bell bell bell bell.

Would you like a bell with that? Mmm this bell's tasty. I was wondering if you'd. I know I've been together for a while and.

I just wanted to let you know that I bell you. Would you would you bell me? And make me the happiest lady in the planet? I got flowers once. Yeah it was about two thousand and yeah two thousand.

Went on a date with someone. To the Millennium Dome. That's what it used to be called the Millennium Dome.

It's now the O2. 500 million they spent on that. And it was it was just a mark to mark the.

Turn of the century really. Which seems like a nice thing to do. But it started to get flack in the press because they spent.

A long time building it. And they were saying oh it's costing so much. People the public are.

Now starting to get a little bit. A little bit frisky or angry or whatever about how much is being spent. And I would think to myself well they wouldn't if you didn't keep telling us.

If you didn't keep putting in the newspapers how much they're wasting. I wouldn't be thinking about it would I? No thank you. And let's move on with our lives.

The thing is I went there because someone when it was built when it was finished. Somebody who was friends with somebody. Who went who was involved in the comedy club.

He was a regular at the comedy club anyway. But he gave me some tickets two free comp tickets. To go and see the Millennium Dome show.

So I think a bank holiday Monday. Monday which meant it might have been Easter this time of year. And I thought.

I don't really I won't go if it's on my own I won't go. So I just asked a lady if she would like to go with me and she said. Who are you? I said I'm Jason.

She said okay. And why are you holding a bell? I said no it's just part of a it's a theme that I've been talking about in my podcast. She said okay.

What's a podcast? I said it doesn't it's not really matter doesn't matter really. And she said well I just asked you what it is. I'm the one that decides if it matters or not.

Surely I said no what I mean is it's not really relevant to this story that I'm telling. And she said well am I part of the story? I said yeah. So does that mean that I'm what I say is relevant and what I think is relevant? I said yeah but you're not real not really.

How can I not be real? Well what I mean by that when you're not real is you existed but in a kind of a past format. And and I hope you still do exist and you're happy and healthy and all that stuff but you're not here right you know this is kind of like a conversation with a memory. A conversation with a memory.

That's the weirdest sentence I've heard all day. I said stick around you'll hear more. Come on then.

I said I mean I don't mean literally you're going to hear more. I'm just you know as I was saying you just said I'm going to hear more. I'm waiting.

Tell me more. What? I thought you'd stop talking. No no I'm waiting to hear more.

Can we just move on? No I want to hear more. You said you're going to be saying some weird stuff just come on. It was just supposed to be a memory I don't know why you're hassling me.

I'm not hassling you. You brought me up. You I've been a memory for 25 years.

I've been locked away. Now I'm free. Now I went to this place.

It was nice. It was all right. And Millennium Dome now the O2 arena.

Yeah there's so much hassle. So much fuss. Oh they spent 500 million.

What are they going to do? It's just a big empty empty big building and there's nothing in it. It's not worth it. It's like come on.

Anyone it wasn't it wouldn't be hard to realize that it was going to be a venue. They're going to make it into a really especially when I went and visited this huge place. There was a this there's no losing in a situation like that.

We already spent 500 million on something that's going to be around probably for the next what 500 years. Thousand years. You know it's going to be around for hundreds of years probably at least.

It's maybe a 50 years 60 years. I don't know how long stadiums last. There's there's houses in this.

Yeah actually I'm just thinking maybe not thousands of years but hundreds of years I reckon. We have a bit of refurbishment every now and then. But I went along.

I went along. I went along. And it was all right.

It was very big. For some reason it was focused on they were focused on the inside of a human body. Don't quite know why.

I really don't know why. I don't I can't remember but it was good but it was huge. But at the same time they weren't the space wasn't being used.

A lot of queues. To see things and I suppose the only thing that I liked. And it was very very spectacular was this show at the beginning where these people were on these big long rope things.

Doing acrobatics and stuff like that. Yeah that was good I also had my first McFlurry. Yeah I'd never had a McFlurry before.

Had my very first McFlurry. Now I'm trying to think was it was it Flakes? Was it Maltesers or I think it was a Flake McFlurry. No it wasn't Flake.

I wonder what it was. Anyway I liked it. I liked it a lot.

It was nice. It was a nice day actually sunny. It was a nice sunny day.

And then. Went back to hers. I think that night I think.

Just stayed over. Watched Notting Hill on TV. I don't know if it was on TV or if she had it on video.

But I laughed. And watched it before. I was like wow this is funny.

There was a really funny bit. I think it was. I think it was.

It was a bathroom scene. With. I can't remember what happened.

It was funny it made me laugh. Like laugh laugh. You know laugh laugh.

Not just. But. It was kind of.

More like that. You know a real genuine. Laugh.

Yeah. This appears to be. Thursday's Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

Didn't know it was going to be. I don't think anybody knew it was going to be. How could we know.

It's kind of strange. Because. When I just get up in the morning.

When I wake up. In the morning. Get out of bed.

There's. There's something. There's a different vibe.

Apart from the fact that my voice is going. I have some water. I have some water.

That's better. Oh oh oh. Yeah I just.

It's a different. It's not that. I'm a different person.

When I wake up. I just. Seem to be.

A different version. Of what I'm like. During the day.

Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what it is.

I've not had any caffeine. So. Not eating anything.

Since. Um. 11 hours ago.

So yeah. I suppose there's. There's a difference.

Compared to what I'm like. Once I've had something to eat. Or.

Had a cup of tea. Or maybe had a conversation. With a human.

Or been outside. With the Vinster. I suppose it could just be when I'm awake.

Because right now I don't. Necessarily. Feel.

As though I'm awake. Although I am. Technically.

My eyes are closed. Not technically my eyes are closed. I mean technically.

Forced stop. New sentence. Mmm.

My eyes are closed. I mean I don't know why. Yeah.

They're closed. I forgot why I even mentioned. That they were closed.

Because I was trying to be clever with the. The vocabulary. Formatting.

And presentation. Presentation of the. Sentence and syntax.

Verbally. Blah. Blah.

Blah. Yeah. I am feeling quite relaxed though.

Just sitting in this chair. Talking. Softly.

Softly. Don't I always talk softly though? I did think it would be quite. Interesting.

To make a shouty. Relaxation session. You know just shouting.

Whoops. Well that's gone wobbly. That's the arm rest.

The left one. It's weird. Because.

I've practically. Stripped all the material. Off the left.

Arm rest. The right ones not so much. Just shows you.

That I'm in some way. Left handed. And I'm right handed.

I do use my left hand. Quite a lot. I don't know if it's just.

I'm right handed. Because I've been single. For so long.

Most of my life. I've pretty much been single. I've had girlfriends on and off.

I think my right hand. Became a bit sacred. A little bit like.

Hindus and cows. It's. My hand.

Has become like a cow. It's like sacred. It's to be looked after.

And. Not used for menial work. Like picking.

At a. Arm rest. My right hand's not used for that. My left hand.

Left hand can do that. Mind you. Thinking of some of the things.

My right hand does do. On a daily basis. And I'm not talking about.

Anything weird. Or what could be weird. I don't know.

Some people's minds go into a weird place. So. I was thinking.

This lady. Who took me. Well I took her.

Well we went together really. I mean I had the tickets. Technically I suppose I took her.

But I didn't take her. Because we both knew where we were going. If anything.

She probably led me there. I wasn't wearing a collar. Or a chain.

I don't mean it that way. Going woof woof. Woof woof.

Or moo. Moo. Moo.

That would be weird. How many people. Some people do walk around.

With cats on a lead. I had a couple of neighbours. That did that.

Some of the local people. Were laughing at them. You see them people.

With a cat on a lead. I walk around with Vinnie. Not Vinnie.

Andre. Who was my ferret on a lead. And they said oh yeah.

So I'm guessing. I'm probably the other person they laugh at as well. I met a lady the other day.

I haven't seen her for a while. But I didn't see her for a while. Then I started seeing her a bit more recently.

I've been talking to her. Hello you alright? And she's looking at me like. I don't know who you are.

And Vinnie's getting all excited. What's his name? Vinnie. So she's kind of got to know him.

A little bit over the last. Probably a couple of months. Just a little bit.

I don't see her that often. I saw her again. In the park the other day.

She said how old is he? I said he's just turned three. Oh okay. She was saying something like.

I don't know. I said I haven't seen you for a while. What do you mean? She didn't remember me.

I said I used to see you. Do you not remember me? I used to walk around with a ferret. And she jumped up.

Well she didn't jump up. She wasn't on the floor. Carrying a little chair around with her.

She sat down. Jumped up on the chair. A bit like Tom Cruise on Oprah.

Super excited. She said. You mean Andre? Of course I remember Andre.

What? Didn't remember me. At all. But remembered Andre.

Because she used to see him nearly every day. Because she had her dog. And she used to see me with Andre.

And she used to say hello to him. As did quite a few people. Locally.

But no one noticed me. It was him they noticed. And I've been walking past her.

For probably three years. Two years. Three years.

Every now and then. Saying hello. And she looks at me like.

Who are you? Like. Weird. I thought.

I didn't go around everyone. By the way. Andre's not around anymore.

And I didn't tell everyone. It's strange. Oh it's you.

You're the weird ferret man. I said yeah. I wonder what that smell was.

I said. Don't. Don't talk about Andre like that.

He's a ferret. He smells nice. We weren't talking about a ferret.

We were talking about you. Rude. Yeah that is rude isn't it.

Is it rude? I don't even know anymore. What's rude. What's not rude.

Who knows. Some things are. Oh yeah.

This is a different lady. This is back to. We didn't have a tickling contest.

This is. Back in. 2000.

So we went to. Millennium Dome. Now.

This was a little bit weird. And it's probably a strange thing. To get caught up on but.

Her hands were bigger than mine. And she held my hand. And I looked down.

And I couldn't see my hand. And I thought. I hope she doesn't crush it.

It was a bit like. You know those baseball mittens. The catch that catch the ball.

She had hands like that. Now I think I possibly exaggerated. And she just had normal hands.

I'm sure she had normal hands but. For some reason. I just noticing the size of her hands.

It's weird. I don't know why. I don't normally care about stuff like that.

I mean. Yeah. It was weird.

I was sitting on a tube. I'm tired. So she.

Rocks me in her hand. To go to sleep. Like being in a canoe.

Lying down in a canoe. Her hand. No it wasn't that big.

I don't know why I'm saying that. Like five canoes stuck together. No it wasn't.

That's terrible. But yeah she. Anyway we went back to hers.

She was lovely. Really nice. And we ended up being friends.

But we weren't really compatible. To be. In a relationship.

But we did end up being friends afterwards. But at one point. I kind of like.

I don't think this is going to work out. See ya. And she sent flowers.

She sent me flowers. The only person in the world. Ever.

To send me flowers. As far as I remember. Flowers.

I've been looking and thinking. What am I supposed to do with these? Can't eat them. Can't talk to them.

Can't read them. What's the point? But yeah. Other than that it was lovely.

I think there might have been daffodils. Or roses. No probably roses.

Yeah romantic. I bought roses. In the past.

Not for a long time. I can't. Even.

You know. It's just. If I can actually get the words out.

Just as I was saying that. I can't remember the last time. I bought flowers.

The fact is. The fact is. I. Do remember the last time.

I went into a florist. And bought flowers. I'm not sure what I was talking about there.

I just had a quick look at my phone. And there's a news article. About a priest.

That's got in trouble. For saying that he thinks it's okay. To baptise babies.

Using Gatorade. And I started thinking. Firstly I don't care.

Secondly the baby probably. Prefer that. Secondly.

Wait a minute. I don't even know what Gatorade is. We don't have Gatorade in this country.

What is it? Is it a drink? I'm sure. I think it's a drink. But I don't know.

Gatorade. Is it like lemonade. But with.

A different flavour I suppose. Nope. We don't have it here.

Gatorade. I could just check it I suppose. Gatorade.

Gatorade. Oh. It is available in this country.

Gatorade. I've never seen it. In my life.

Gatorade. That's weird. It's a mixed energy drink.

Is that what it is? Mixed fruit energy drink. Gatorade. So I think this is one of those things.

That you can get. But it's from. Oh.

There's 10 flavours. Gatorade. Available in UK.

Stores. Look. Gatorade cool blue.

500ml. Tesco. It's available in Tesco.

I didn't know. This has got to be a new thing. Hasn't it? I've never.

I've heard of Gatorade. On TV. In movies and stuff like that in America.

Gatorade. Nah. Sainsbury's.

Doesn't say. If it sells it. I thought if Tesco did.

Then all the others would as well. Huh. Nah.

I feel I want to test it out now. Gatorade. Well today.

So far I've had 93 downloads. It says 526. So for the last.

5 hours. 5 and a half hours. I've had 93 downloads.

It might not have uploaded. Not updated yet. I'm hoping.

Otherwise I'm going to go from. One of the best days to. Wow.

93. Yeah I don't. I just don't think it's updated.

Because it done this yesterday. And then. I had my breakfast and came back.

And it was. Like. 1600.

Or something. And that was. Before 9 o'clock.

Oh so I got these flowers. Yeah it was nice. So I ended up calling her.

And we went out again. But I don't know. So yeah.

I didn't go back to her place. We went out for a date. And I thought.

I don't think anything is going to happen. And it didn't seem. Like a romantic thing.

She didn't really have big hands. I'm just exaggerating. Massive hands.

I mean. Do you know when. When it's sunny.

And you put your hand out. To block the sun. And it feels quite nice.

And you go. Oh that's nice. It's not in your face anymore.

She did it. And the whole stadium went. Oh that's nice.

The sun is not in her face anymore. That's how big her hand was. And someone might say.

What do you mean sun. You were inside the stadium. You were outside as well.

You know. It was not just inside the whole time. There was stuff outside.

Come on. Give me a break. Give me a kick out.

I wanted to say that for years. I never said it. Now I said it.

I feel a little bit. It wasn't everything I hoped it would be. I need to wash my hair today.

My right ear is. Making some weird noises. Like.

Like that. I'll tell you what it feels like. Remember that.

That fizzy stuff that you put on your tongue. I'm not. I'm not sure.

But the one that sparkles. Like that. I don't know what it's called.

But it's pretty cool. I've got a very small version of that. In my right ear.

Yeah. That would generally make a room quiet. Wouldn't it? You've got water in your ear.

Something going. That's not a good example. I'm just trying to think.

You know the sparkles. I know what I mean when I say it. But it's got a sound.

As well as a feel. That's what my right ear feels a little bit like. It might just be balancing itself.

After being asleep. Just you know. Getting itself back ready for the day.

Is it still half asleep? Can't blame it. I mean can one ear be fully asleep? Or can it only ever be half asleep? Because really it's kind of part of. Do two ears make one ear? Or is one ear half of the other ear? Or are they just completely separate entities? I'm not sure if I was waiting for an answer.

I think right now. I'm going to go and get some breakfast. Breakfast.

Yeah breakfast. So this has been a weird. Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

Thursday edition. No. Title for this.

I don't know what it will be. Maybe. Talking about flowers.

I suppose. I've got no idea. Oh yeah.

I did. No I've got Q&A Friday tomorrow. Yeah so I'll do that.

Tomorrow. That was a bit boring wasn't it? So I've got Q&A Friday. Tomorrow.

I'll do that tomorrow. Yeah. I thought there was going to be more coming out of my mouth.

But it didn't come. Never mind. I might need the toilet as well.

I'm not sure what I need more. To eat or. Put stuff in my body or.

Remove stuff. I'm not sure. We'll find out in a minute I'm sure.

I wonder how many more times I can say sure. Before I go. No that was it.

Never mind. Take care. Thanks for listening and remember.

To be kind to yourself. Because you do deserve. To be happy.

Be gentle with yourself. You deserve to feel safe. Lots of love.

Bye.