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Hello, hello, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to Jason's Bedtime Storytime. I haven't done one of these for a while so I thought I shall do one today. So this is my name is Jason Newland.
Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes, just in case you're listening to this to go to sleep. So this is going to be a story based upon the Cinderella tale. But it won't be the exact story.
And Cinderella is called oblivious. Okay, oblivious, not Cinderella. So it's just it's, it's based upon that kind of story.
So here we go. So get yourself nice and comfy, lying down or sitting down or I don't know, hanging upside down from a chandelier, whatever, whatever is your, your particular comfortable position. If you need a poo, I'd say have one first, because you're going to be so enthralled, you just won't want to leave you.
You want to listen, you want to go to speed. I need a poo, but I don't want to miss what's being said. But then of course, you could just press pause, you know, so that's, that is an option.
So here we go. Once upon a time, in a realm bound by neither reason nor ordinary, there lived a young woman named Oblivious, whose most peculiar trait was her constant, mysterious flatulence. And in a rickety old house burdened with cobwebs and secrets, Cinderella's days were clouded.
I mean, Oblivious's days were clouded by the whims of her oddly fixated stepmother, and the constant puzzlement of where the smell could possibly be coming from. Now in the same house, her stepmother, a woman with an intense fascination for feet, would often divert conversations to discuss the arches and toes of anyone unfortunate enough to cross her path. Her peculiar obsession meant shoes were seldom worn in the house, and foot inspections were a regular occurrence.
Oblivious's stepsisters were a sight themselves. Anastasia towered like a lighthouse, her head forever bumping into chandeliers, while Drizella was so tiny she often had to be located with a bell around her neck. The third sister, Esmeralda, rounded round as a well-fed pumpkin, rolled around the house, filling every space with her voluminous presence.
Their bizarre appearances and behaviour were the talk of every gathering, creating a mosaic of whispers and chuckles wherever they went. Now living among them was a morose penguin named Percy. I don't know if you have to have P, like every penguin has to have a name starting with P. I think that's a bit limiting isn't it? What's wrong with Harold or Lucifer or Lulu? So his name was Penguin.
He was convinced that his beloved yo-yo had been stolen. Percy, waddling indignantly from room to room, would interrupt every interaction with his loud accusations, his flippers accusing everyone from the cat to the cook of thievery. The cook of thievery rather, that's one word isn't it? The cook of thievery to the cat, from the cat to the cook of thievery.
In the midst of this chaos, Oblivious's only respite was her fairy godmother, who due to a spell gone wrong, believed that she was a goldfish. Fluttering about with a wand, she often paused mid-spell to demand a return to her fishbowl, leaving trails of glitter and confused magic in her wake. So one day, an invitation arrived for the Royal Ball, hosted by none other than Prince Alaric, a handsome young man with a vibrant flair for fashion and a clear disinterest in the ladies.
His heart beat only for charming men, a fact he expressed with every flutter of his eyelash and swish of his regal cape. At every chance he tried to convey this preference of his to an Oblivious, Oblivious, who remained enchanted by his polite refusals, mistaking them for coy romance. And as the Ball approached, Cinderella's desperation grew.
So who's Cinderella, you might ask? Cinderella is a person that lived nearby, but she's not really part of the story. So let's go back to Oblivious. As the Ball approached, Oblivious's desperation also grew, and she begged her fairy godmother for a solution.
So in a confused flurry, the fairy godmother transformed Oblivious's rags into a breathtaking gown, though she insisted on fitting it with fins and scales, muttering on about aquatic aesthetics. She said, of course, you need to be out of here by 12 o'clock. Otherwise, all the things will just turn back into what they were before.
She said, what do you mean? She said, all the what things? Your clothes. Why don't you say clothes then? Why don't you say things? It's very vague. All things will turn back to how they were before.
The food will be uncooked. My stomach will be empty. I need to do another poo.
Just explain yourself. And she said, this is a really silly conversation. The story's silly enough already.
We don't need to have this conversation. It's probably not needed at this point. And whatever her name is said, yeah, you're probably right.
Should we wait till a little bit later? She said, yeah, wait till the prince gets here. She said, why? Why? Why are you whole? Why are you wearing a guest mask? She said, no reason. No reason.
It's just no reason. Don't worry about it. Oblivious.
So oblivious, you know, went and got ready. And I think she put some lipstick on. And I don't know what else she went to a room, she closed the door.
I wasn't in there. Couldn't see cameras in there. I'm not a perv.
So you know, she just did her own thing. You know, I can't know everything that everyone does in the story at all times. I wasn't with them.
I can't, you can't be with everyone at the same time. Okay, so give me a little bit of slack, please. Thank you very much.
So as the ball at the ball, oblivious made a silent yet smelly entrance. And Prince Alaric was busy admiring the dashing guards. Didn't even notice that she was here.
She thought he was playing hard to get. And he thought that one of the guards was playing hard to get. And that particular guard was thinking, I wonder if I'll get to eat today.
All that food on that table, the banquet, and my tummy's rumbling. I wish there was something I could do in order to get some food. And the prince was thinking, well, if only you realize I can read your mind, there's lots you can do.
You have as much food as you want. And but no one else could read his mind. And I mean, you might think, how can I read his mind if I couldn't be everywhere at once, couldn't see into people's rooms, don't have cameras? How can I read their minds now? I guess it's part of telling a story is to be able to kind of read their minds.
But yeah, that is, you know, I can't really explain it. And I know it doesn't necessarily make sense. But I think it's okay that we can read their minds.
Because I mean, that's the difference between if you watch a movie, you know, we put our interpretation on the character's intentions while we watch a movie. But in a book, quite often, the intentions are actually there, you know, you're reading what the person is thinking, and why they're doing what they're doing. So it's almost, it's less work, in some ways.
And it's less, I'm not gonna say it's it, you know, not gonna say that it can't be interpreted wrongly or differently, because, you know, there's lots of different people interpret a movie differently based on their own internal belief system, I guess. And I was gonna say, and that wouldn't happen with a book. But as we all know, there are certain books in the world that have been misinterpreted by a great many different people, seeing different things that from each other.
So yeah, let's let's not, let's move away. Let's just tiptoe back from that subject. And Oblivion said, What are you talking about? And the prince looked around, he said, I was just talking about, you know, books and stuff.
And she said, Why? So well, I just thought it'd be, you know, interested subject movies. So don't you like movies? She said, movies don't exist yet. She said, he said, Well, they do where I live.
So where do you live then? And he mumbled, mumbled the address, because he didn't want her to know where he lived, in case she visited him. And so she said, Who are you talking to? And the prince said, Well, I was talking to Jinj here. She said, you can't call people Jinj, just because he's got ginger hair.
And, and he said, No, that's actually his name. And the young lad said, Yes, yes, mom. That is my name.
My name is indeed Jinj. It was just a coincidence that I actually have ginger hair. And then the other guard next to him said, He dyes his hair ginger.
That's not his real colored hair. He's blonde, I tell you. He's blonde.
Now Oblivion looked at the second guard and said, How come you've got such an old sounding voice, but you're clearly only about 18? He said, I don't know, me mom. I don't know. It's just the way I talk.
She said, Oh, he said, Besides, how come you sound like a 50 year old man talking softly? Like one of those ASMR people and whisper things on YouTube. I don't know what you mean. What do you mean? I sound, I sound like what? He said, See, see, you're not, you're not the only one that can be rude.
Now there was a fourth man. You might think I've missed out a third man, but we'll come back to him in a minute. There was a man at the and he started laughing.
So the prince pulled out his sword and he said, How dare you laugh? For some reason, he changed his voice for this particular situation. I mean, maybe that was his angry voice or his fighting voice, or maybe that was his normal voice. And he was trying to be friendly before and he thought, Well, I don't know how far I'm really going to get on with life in life.
If I talk around, walk around speaking like this, it might, you know, it's a bit of a put off. You know, especially like you meet, you meet the family of someone that you care about, you dating them for a little while and you get invited around for dinner and, and they sort of say, Oh, so Prince Alaric. So what do you, what do you do? Where do you, what do you do yourself during the week?
You know, when you're not prancing? Well, I do lots of things actually.
And, um, another things that he might say. Hello, I'm the prince. He always found it difficult to ask people out.
You want to go out for a drink? You want to go to the cinema? Do you? Because it just came across a little bit. You know, a little bit. Mm.
Mm. Questionable. Just, you know, do you like eating? Well, yeah, everyone does.
Don't they? You know, never understood that. Oh, do you like to go out to eat? Do you like? Well, I like to eat. I have to eat.
I like to put, we have to poo, but no one ever invites you out to go for a poo, do they? Okay. There are some people who do and avoid them if you can. So, um, but the fourth guard, he said, Oh, I'm ever so sorry.
I'm ever so sorry. Sorry, Prince. And I don't know.
It's just, there's this terrible smell. And I keep hearing these little like noises and the smell. And it's just, it's just very funny.
But at the same time, it's quite hard to just stand here and to not comment if you know what I mean. I just find it very, very intriguing and a bit pongy, if I'm honest, a bit. Yeah.
And the Prince said, and that was it. Then he walked away. The Prince just walked away.
And the third guard, I said, we'll come back to him. He was playing with a yo-yo. The whole time this was going on, he was playing with a yo-yo.
And Ginge asked him, he said, Oh, don't you remember you having a yo-yo before? And he said, I've always had a yo-yo. Always. It's always been in my pocket.
Always. I was born with a yo-yo. It's my yo-yo.
It's not your yo-yo. It's mine. It belongs to me.
And you can't have it. And Ginge says, well, I wasn't asking to have it, old man. I just, or however we talked, oh, just, I was just asking about it.
Well, you can ask all you like. It's mine. Let's go away.
Oh, no, you can't go away, can you? Because we're stuck here, aren't we? Do you think we'll get any food? I'm quite hungry, you know. Hungry. Anyway, they looked around and they realized that everyone was, there was no one else around, really.
So the four of the guards were just standing there. And Oblivion, or Oblivious, whatever her name is, Cinderella, Oblivious, she was just staring at one of the guards, the one on the end with the yo-yo. And he said, can I help you at all? You need anything? You're just staring at me.
I'm not a picture, you know. I'm not a, I'm not a, this is not a gallery. This is not an art gallery.
It's not Madame Tussauds. I'm not a statue. What do you want? And she said, I don't know.
There's something about you. It just enthralls me. And he said, oh, yes, I do get that a lot.
I'm quite an enthralling person. She said, I don't know what it is, though. It's, it's almost like you've got an upside down head.
He said, what? You've got an upside down head? I do not have an upside down head. Either that or you're standing on your head and your body's turned upside down. That doesn't make sense.
I know, that's what I'm saying. You've got an upside down head. My head is not upside down.
Why would you even say such a weird thing like that? No wonder you're single. Who said I'm single? Well, you are, aren't you? Yeah, but what's that got to do with anything? Well, I'm just saying no wonder you're single because, you know. Now, what he wanted to say really is because you keep farting, but no one mentioned it.
It was like an ongoing, not even a joke, it was an ongoing like, don't mention the farts. Don't mention the smell. Because they like to live in polite society.
You know, so that's kind of it. And Oblivion just like turned away, you know. She yawned, yawned in disgust.
She said, I've had enough of this. I've had enough. I'm going to go and find my Fairy Godmother.
So she looked for her. And she saw her in the corner. And she called out her name, Fairy Godmother.
She died behind the curtains, seeking a goldfish bowl, which was weird. And the stepsisters were like walking around and people were just laughing at them. They thought the circus had arrived in town, which was rude because people come in different shapes and sizes, you know.
But they didn't, there is a very small community of people and they never really travelled further than a couple of miles away from where they were born. So they didn't know that difference existed. So when someone was born particularly tall, they were called giants.
And when someone was born particularly short, they had other names. And when someone was particularly large, they might also have be noticed. So but as we know, as educated humans, that there is no set human, there is no particular perfect variant.
It is just a mixture of different types that make up the human race. Is it really a race though? I mean, what's the hurry? So anyway, it's a enough. Okay, so basically, this is just going on.
And it's, it's a bit boring. Not many people turned up. Oh, got an itchy ear.
Not many people turned up and just thought, well, this is a bit rubbish, isn't it? And just as he said that, the penguin just like popped in. Now, I say popped in, he was hiding in a cake. Because Percy, Percy, Percy the penguin, he thought he would catch the person with his yo-yo.
And what he realised himself is whenever he played with his yo-yo, he always fancied some cake. So he figured, you know, like a lot of us do that everyone's the same. And if I like cake when I'm playing with a yo-yo, then of course, everyone else would as well.
Not realising that we all have differences. But again, as I said, he was born in a little town, hadn't really had a lot of experience and didn't, wasn't aware that everybody's different, and have their own idiosyncrasies and likes and dislikes. And not everyone thinks the same, or has the same belief system and stuff like that.
So the same likes and dislikes, etc, etc. So in his mind, he didn't want anyone to see him as he normally is, because everyone knew Percy the penguin, they knew that he was the yo-yo man. And he thought, I disguise myself, I do it in a way that people will be completely, completely, like, won't know it's me.
So he disguised himself as a yo-yo, playing with a penguin, like a giant yo-yo, and a penguin on a bit of string. And, but he hid, so no one has seen him. So far, he hid in the cake.
And he fell asleep. So unfortunately, he kind of missed the cake cutting. And when everyone did get to see him, they kind of wish they hadn't.
Anyway, ruined the cake. So he never did find his yo-yo. But technically, you could say, well, he did, he found his inner yo-yo.
Because he became a yo-yo. And he'd light cake, and he became a cake, technically. And so yeah.
So as the night danced on under the chandeliers, Cinder Oblivious, tried to catch hints dropped by the prince. So the prince was saying, she thought the prince was saying to her, I'm a little bit shy to hold your hand in public. I'm very attracted to you.
I want to take things slowly. And just, you know, I'd prefer to wait until there's no one around, before perhaps we have our first kiss. That's what she thought he was saying to her.
That's what she was interpreting. What he's actually saying to him is he liked men. And he liked kissing men and he didn't, he had no interest in her at all.
Even, well, not even of anything. And liked her as a friend. And that was it.
But he had a thing for Ginge. But he didn't know how to tell Ginge because, well, they'd sort of drifted apart over the last few years. Used to be close friends.
But ever since, I mean, Ginge used to go to school, with the prince. Used to go to university with him. And it was kind of equal footing in a way, apart from one being a prince.
But it was kind of, it got a little bit weird. And then, and then when the prince got to 18, he had more royal duties to deal with. And Ginge wasn't really allowed to participate in all of these things.
You know, so things like going playing with a frisbee or kicking a ball around. And Ginge just didn't get to do any more because the prince was busy doing that with his, with his royal chums. And there was a lot of chums, a lot of royal chums he was around.
And Ginge just didn't understand it because he loved spending time with him. And just, you know, he didn't know why they just sort of, sort of drifted apart like that. And he didn't know that the prince held a torch for him.
But he was never around when that happened because obviously he's a prince. It was Ginge's actually job to hold a torch for the prince. But by that, it wasn't a torch as in like flashlight torch that we have, you know, you're holding your hand or we do, we did hold it in your hand.
But it was actually a lit hay or something like that. I forget. I'm making this up.
And then the prince decided, you know what? I'm going to tell Ginge how I feel. And at that moment, Ginge still standing with his three other guards, the other side of the hall, thought to himself, you know what? I'm going to tell the prince what's on my mind, what I feel. So Ginge left the lineup.
He left his other guards to just stand there, which he wasn't supposed to do. He was supposed to stay there. It's kind of his job, you know.
But he thought, you know what? This is important. And they walked towards each other. Now, Cinder Oblivious was in the middle.
And they walked right. And she was still in the middle, but they talked over her. Sort of like they kept moving their heads so they could see each other and talking.
But for some reason, she wouldn't move. It's almost like she was oblivious to what was going on. And they both knew that they had to say this to each other.
The prince knew what he had to say to Ginge. Ginge knew what he had to say to the prince. And they just looked at each other and Oblivious sort of just like stood there.
And Ginge looked at the prince and said, should we go outside? It stinks in there. And the prince said, yeah, I think so. Oh man, that smell is just following me around everywhere I go.
So they went outside. And what they didn't realize is when they got outside on the veranda, they looked back into the hall. The hall was just like one big green mist.
So yeah, it was very strange. I've never seen mist inside before. And the prince said, look, Ginge, there's something I need to tell you.
And Ginge said, I think I know what you're going to say. And I want to say the same thing. And the prince said, okay, you go first.
You go first. And Ginge said, I really want some of that cake. And the prince was like, oh, really? Ginge said, well, yeah, what were you going to say? He said, no, no, same thing.
I wanted some of that cake. I always like the idea of cake and penguin mixed. Penguin flavored cake.
And Ginge laughed. He said, oh, you make me laugh. And he pushed the prince, you know, jokingly.
And prince fell over the veranda and fell all the way to the floor. Luckily, he landed on one of the stepsisters. And she actually saved him from getting hurt.
And another one of the stepsisters just picked him up and just handed him back to Ginge because she was so tall. And then she called for an ambulance for her sister, who was, well, some would say probably the slimmest she's ever been. And anyway, so they get back and they're talking on there.
And Ginge said, is that really what you wanted to ask me? Is it? Is that really what you wanted to ask me? And the prince said, well, no, I just wanted, I don't know. I don't know how to say it really. He said, you know, sometimes what I do, princey, is, that was his nickname for him.
He said, sometimes when there's something I want to say, and I'm struggling to say it out loud, what I do is I do a little dance. I call it the little Ginge dance. And the prince said, really? How does it go? He said, well, what I do is, wait a minute, you don't know what a dance is, do you, princey? The prince said, I do.
I know what a dance is. You don't. You look confused.
When I said I do a dance, you look confused. Like, oh, how does it go? But you don't know how what goes. If I'd have just picked up a glass of water and said, and I'll drink it like this, you would have thought, oh, okay.
That's, you didn't know what a dance was. Yeah, I do know what a dance is. Why would I not know what a dance is? So, are you going to sing it to me then? It's not a song.
A dance isn't a song. But just show me, show me. All right, says Ginge.
Well, what I do is, I invented this, by the way. You know when people walk, they're like one foot in front of the other. And when they stand, they just stand there, both feet on the ground.
And when they run, they kind of, it's kind of almost like walking, but quicker. Yeah, yeah, I'm with you so far. What this is, is kind of a mixture of all of those things.
Including, you know when you're running somewhere and you realize that you've forgotten your car keys or something, and you have to run back to the house to get them. But then you're halfway, then you go, oh, I haven't, I don't need car keys because cars don't exist yet. He said, yeah, I understand, yeah, said the prince.
It's like that, it's like you're backwards and forwards and you're moving around in different directions. But it's more, instead of the length of a car park, even though, you know, what's a car park? It doesn't matter. I saw it in a crystal ball the other day.
Not quite sure what they are, but they look groovy. And you don't go, you know, you're not running the length of a football field. It's, you're just a few steps here, a few steps there, a few steps over there, a few steps back, in a circle, round, square, you know, in other shapes.
But you're basically just moving around. And that's what I call dancing. What's the point in that? That's, that's the good thing about it.
There's no point. It doesn't always have to be a point to things. Sometimes it's nice to have no point.
You know, it's just nice to do something just for the sake of doing it. No reason, just for the fun. Well, I suppose so.
I suppose. Exactly. See? Yeah.
Okay. Would you show me how to do it? No, I haven't got time right now, says Ginge. I'm a bit busy.
Do what? I'm talking to the prince. Yeah, but I am the prince. Why are you telling me that? I know you're the prince.
Why, why are you telling me you're too busy to show me the dance? And I'm the prince, because you're talking to the prince. Oh, because I'm on shit. I'm working.
I can't start dancing when I'm working. Well, let me ask you this, Ginge. How much of this conversation's been a work conversation? How much of it has been about work? Not much.
I'd say not any of it. So, unless you want to disciplinary, and to have your wages cut, then I, I, I, I recommend that you show me that dance thing. Dance, dance.
Okay, that. Oh, oh, this thing. All right, okay.
So, Ginge showed him the dance. The, um, the prince found it very funny. But then, uh, he said, is it always this funny? Is it, why is it so funny? He said, well, okay, it's less funny when I've got clothes on.
He said, oh, okay. Oh, uh, well, why don't you wear clothes? He said, because you kept insisting, you didn't want me to wear any. You insisted I take them off.
You said I could keep my shoes on, but then your mum comes along and tells me I've got to take my shoes off. She said, that's not my mum. That's, uh, Oblivious's grandmother.
Oh, okay. I just figured she was your mum. I know you're not the first person to say that.
Some people do think that she is my mum. Weird. What's the whole thing about goldfish, thinking that she wants a goldfish? I don't know.
I just had this idea that it would be a good, like, plot to the story, but it was like a non-starter really, you know? Ginge said, you know, the whole story's been a bit of non-starter. It's not really gone anywhere, has it? What do you mean? Well, it's supposed to be like a Cinderella story with these wacky characters. Uh, what have you got? You got like the Cinderella character, Oblivious.
Um, the narrator can't even remember her name. And then you've got the fairy godmother who's, uh, the magical figure or whatever. The prince, which is you.
Evil stepmother. Uh, it doesn't even come into it. Not even mentioned.
The stepsisters. And that was just rude, wasn't it? That was just rude what happened to them. And there was no need to body shame anyone.
I think that was just out of order. And then, um, the penguin. Is it the godmother's got a foot fetish? Or the evil stepmother? One of them.
There's the one thinks they're a fish. The, um, Oblivious. Cinderella.
Constantly farting. What is this story for three-year-olds? I mean, it's ridiculous. The whole thing is just very, very silly.
And, um, I don't want any part of it, if I'm honest. Yeah, but, you know, the original story wasn't, I mean, what was it really about? It was about true love, wasn't it? It was about, uh, the whole idea of, you know, people having more, treating Cinderella like she was kind of nothing. Um, when in fact she had the beauty was about, I mean, the ugly stepsisters, it wasn't that she would, they were ugly as people.
It was more about, um, personality-wise that they were unpleasant, ugly inside. And Cinderella was beautiful inside, even though she didn't have anything and she didn't have any money. And she was treated unkindly by the stepsisters and the stepmother.
It was also ugly, but on the inside, they're all beautiful on the outside. And then she, they all rub her nose in it because they're going to go to the ball and try and catch themselves a prince, yet while she's slaving away in the kitchen or whatever. And then she gets to go to the ball because a fairy godmother comes down and turns her into a pumpkin or something.
And she goes to the ball, but she has to leave by 12 o'clock midnight. Otherwise she turns back into a pumpkin. And she, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
First of all, I know what the story is. I don't know why you're telling me the whole story. It's a famous story.
How can she be turned into a pumpkin and then be turned back into a pumpkin at midnight? Well, clearly I made a mistake, didn't I? Telling the story, I made an error. Did you have to point, is that the only thing you noticed out of the story? What's the most obvious mistake you made? I mean, first of all, you know, let's say, for example, yeah, I'm the fairy godmother.
You're in the kitchen.
You're asking me, please, please, I'd like to go to the ball because I want to meet the prince. Okay. Will you please help me to go to the ball? And then I turn you into a pumpkin.
What would you do then? Would you be, oh, thank you so much. I'm now ready to go to the ball because I'm really prepared to meet a prince and my future husband as a pumpkin. Let's hope he's got a pumpkin fetish.
So yeah, it didn't make sense. And then at midnight, if you're not out of there in time, you're going to turn into a pumpkin. Well, I already am a pumpkin.
Yeah, I get, Ginny said, I get, I get what you're saying. Or the prince said, I get what you're saying. I forget which one was speaking.
But it doesn't matter. The point is, the story has a meaning. And then she loses a shoe running off because she wants to get away before he sees what she's really like, like poor or whatever.
And he might not want to be with her because she's not rich and doesn't have beautiful clothing and stuff. But one of her shoes falls off and she runs away. He's fallen in love at this point with her.
And either that or he's just got a real thing for shoes. And he searches around the whole kingdom looking for her and realizing that the only way he's going to find her is by by locating that lady who foot will fit into that shoe. Again, going back to the same old thing of everyone thinking that they're the same.
Or not the same or whatever. No, that doesn't work. And it's a size four.
It's going to be more than one size four feet in the kingdom. And I think back then everyone had the same size. Do women have the same size feet? Ginny said, he asked ignorantly.
Don't all women have the same size feet? And the prince said, I don't know. I've never seen a woman's foot. Ginny said, you should go and see Oblivious's grandmother.
She loves feet. And he said, I know. I mean, that was mentioned quite a lot throughout the story.
Where were you? I was listening. Ginny said, well, actually, I was the star of the show. So I didn't have a chance to listen.
I was too busy performing. And the prince said, no, you're not the star. Clearly, I'm the star.
I mean, you know, supposedly Oblivious is supposed to be the star, but she's hardly been mentioned. I mean, I don't know why they even... I've been mentioned more than anyone. Yeah.
Okay. Fair enough. I'll tell you who wasn't mentioned enough, said Ginge.
Who? The penguin. Yeah, that was a bit grim, wasn't it? Yeah. I didn't see that coming, to be honest.
I just like fell asleep in the cake and it cut me up a bit. That's what it did to him as well, wasn't it? Weehee. Too soon.
Too soon. So yeah, I just thought he'd be quite a funny character. Yeah, me too.
I just, it just didn't happen, did it? Do you think that maybe the narrator forgot about him? I think you might be right. Because I've heard that the narrator quite likes penguins. There's a bit of a thing for penguins.
Why do you think that is? Asked Ginge. Well, I heard on the grapevine, and you know how much I like grapes. Oh, that was a bit of a saucy joke, I think.
I like a nice grape to suck on. I, I, I, wine. I, I heard that in about 2005, he was at a Buddhist retreat.
It was like, I think, June or summer. And he basically did this spiritual journey, where he, he met his spiritual animal or something like that. And it turned out to be a penguin.
And ever since then, he's just had a fascination with penguins. Is that true? I don't know. That's what I heard.
I mean, I hear a lot of things. Heard a few things about you as well, Ginge. What have you heard about me? It doesn't matter.
Don't matter. Don't worry about it. But I've heard things.
What have you heard about me? Seriously, what? Nothing. Anyway, do you think we should just wrap this up? Yeah, I don't know, probably. What, um, what were you going to say to me, Prince? Because you know, I wanted to eat and stuff.
What were you going to say? I was just going to let you know how I feel about you. He said, oh, that's nice. So where's the Prince? Where's Cinder Oblivious? I don't know.
She's, I think everyone's fallen asleep except her. I say fallen asleep. I mean, gassed probably.
I think they've, they've succumbed to her smelly farts. So how did, how, how do people manage to stay in the same room? I don't get it. I know.
How did they, how did they not notice? Not only that, how did they not mention it? She really gone her whole life. I mean, she was, she's got to be 25 now. No one's mentioned, no one's mentioned it to her ever.
She's a completely oblivious. That's why they call her oblivious. Ah, and she liked you.
She thought that you would be her boyfriend. She was oblivious to your situation as well. The fact that you like, uh, non-women.
Prince said exactly, exactly. And she also thought that you were ginger. I am ginger.
No, you're not ginger. You're the other guy I told me. You told me that you dye your hair ginger.
Just to suit, because your name's and you wanted to have ginger hair. So it made sense. Otherwise being called ginger would make no sense.
I am offended that you would say such a thing to me after knowing each other for at least three hours. Yeah, it's been an interesting three hours, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, true, true, true. Um, so is oblivious actually her real name? No, no, no.
What's her real name? Gertrude. It's a nice name. I know.
To be honest, I always fancied the idea of dating someone called Gertrude. Hmm. That doesn't, doesn't make any sense at all, does it? The prince said, no, I know.
Things don't always have to make sense. Oh, okay. So should we wrap this up? Won't give it to someone as a present.
No, no, that was just, that was poor, that was. Yeah, I know. Sorry.
Sorry about that. Um, yeah, should we just, so you want to just like end the story? Yeah, ginger, but I just don't know how to. Um, I suppose we could have a romantic moment.
No, you're all right. Okay. That was a bit quick.
No, that's fine. It's just, I'm just, uh, I'm hungry. I need to eat something.
I said, you're hungry. Yeah. How did you turn that romantic? Me being hungry.
I'm literally hungry. I haven't eaten for ages. So is it okay? That's why I came over it.
Can I please go and get some food? That penguin cake still wore. I said, all right, if that's what you want to do, go and get something to eat. You can come with me if you want.
The prince said, are you sure? Are you sure? Do you mean it? Do you really mean it? And, uh, Jean said, yeah, we go together. Just walk to the table and get something to eat. No harm in that.
The prince said, really, really, you don't mind being seen in public with me. And Jean said, I'm a bit embarrassed, but it's fine. We can just get something to eat and have a chat.
You know, would you teach him all that dancing? Would you, would you? Jean said, okay, Prince, we can do that. Um, I'll teach you some more dancing. He said, oh, you're the best, best friend in the whole wide world in the whole wide world.
Well, at least within a mile of here, because that is our world, isn't it? And Jean said, you're right, that this is the entire world. Everything else is just space as we all know. And that water, what we call the sea, whatever, we call it the sea because we can see it, but we, there's nothing beyond there.
That's just space. It's amazing, isn't it? I'm surprised the world's so small. We've got that small, is it? An hour, you know, mile and a half is quite a long, quite big.
That's at least 25 minute walk. Half, you know, half an hour, if you go slow, or maybe an hour, if you're the penguin, Percy the penguin, why would it take him an hour to walk it? Well, two reasons, really. One is his little legs.
And secondly, oh, yeah, I forgot what happened. Exactly. So this is, should we just go get something to eat? Okay, Ginge, come on.
Oh, I love you, Ginge. Let's go get something to eat. Okay.
And they both walked back into the, into the hall and what the smell really knocked them off their feet. And what they didn't realize is because there was no ventilation. When they went to get the food, the food not only smelt of Oblivious's farts, they also tasted of them.
And the prince suddenly had an idea that maybe, maybe he should move, move to a different place. And he said to Ginge, I don't want to move. I need to move to get away from this farting.
And Ginge said, look, we've got to the end of the story. Why have you started a new strain of the story? You started going in a different direction. We finally got to the end.
And then you have to start talking about farting. And it's been established that she farts. Why make it gross saying that the food tastes of farts.
It's, we got to the end, don't need to carry on unnecessarily. Although I think we've already done that. The prince said, okay, Ginge, you're the boss.
He said, it's nice of you to say that, but we both know that's not true. But it's, you know, I appreciate it. And so should we just say, this is the end of the, of the story.
And the prince said, well, okay. Should we not at least say goodbye to oblivious? Ginge said, to be honest, I don't think she even knows that she's in the story. Oh, okay.
Besides, she's a pumpkin, isn't she? Yeah. What's your point? Well, there's only so much conversation you can have with a pumpkin. Why? I have no ears today.
Can't talk. Oh yeah. Yeah.
Actually, that was a bit of a bit of a weird thing to have in a story, wasn't it? Yeah. I mean, didn't she talk at some point earlier on? I think she might've done. It hasn't been the best presented story.
Hasn't really been thought out. I don't think, Ginge, do you? Ginge says, Ginge said, you know what? I know it hasn't necessarily been like a normal fairy tale story. But at the same time, it's been unlike anything that anyone's ever told before.
No one's ever told this story in this way before. Yeah, Ginge, that's not necessarily a good thing, is it? You know, no one's ever served penguin cake to people before until today, but it doesn't mean that it was a good idea. You know what, Prince? If I was to go back, and if we told this story again, I probably would have left.
I'd have made a different ending, like for the penguin, for Percy. I'd have included him more because I think he had a much, I reckon he'd had an interest in dialogue. Yeah, I agree.
It's a shame, isn't it? It is, but luckily he's very tasty, so that's good. Oh, is he? I might go and have a little try. Yeah, have a try.
It's nice. Okay, so how do we end this thing? Because it's just me and you talking. We have to like bring it to an end, but the narrator seems to have disappeared.
It's just me and you talking. I know, and the weird thing is we can't tell who's talking unless you say each other's name, because it's the same voice. I know, it's really lazy, isn't it? It's very lazy.
It's almost like he just doesn't, he's not bothered anymore. He's not putting any effort in. It's, what's the point? I don't know.
I don't know, Prince. Me neither, Ginge. See, we have to keep saying each other's names, which is ridiculous because we're standing right next to each other and there's no one else around.
There's no reason for me to say your name, because there's nobody else I could be talking to, and there's no reason for you to say my name other than the fact that I am above you, and I am the Prince, and you should be bowing every time you talk to me and call your Highness, which you haven't done, by the way. I've not picked you up on it yet, but perhaps you need to sort of remember your place.
Ooh, now the truth comes out.
The truth was already there. You know, you've known for a long time how I feel about you talking to me like I'm just a normal person. Oh, Mr. Prince this, Mr. Prince that.
Sorry, Your Highness. Well, I realise you're being sarcastic, but that is kind of how you're supposed to be talking to me. I am the Prince, and you're a guard, and you're supposed to not only protect me, but also treat me with respect.
When have I ever treated you with anything but respect? Well, apart from this conversation, you mean. Yeah, other than this conversation, and other than during this party. Yeah, other than during this party.
Other than the last 10 years of us being friends. Yeah, other than that. No, no, you're very respectful.
Good, thank you. One more question, I ask Jinj to the Prince. If we've known each other for 10 years, how come earlier on it was mentioned that we'd only known each other for three hours? You know, I've been wondering about that myself.
But I think sometimes it's best just not, don't mention it, don't highlight it, and that way no one's going to notice. I've tried to live my life like that. If you just, just pretend it hasn't happened.
Pretend, you know, what you said hasn't been said, and people just like, just block over it. Oh, okay. So, is that a bit like the, what's her name, that thinks she's a goldfish? Yeah, a bit like that.
It's like that was another character that we just didn't really get to find out anything about. Why does she think she's a goldfish? Was it the fairy godmother, wasn't it? Why does she think she's a goldfish? Oh yeah, a spell went wrong. How can a spell go wrong that causes you to think that you're a goldfish? I mean, how does that work? I mean, that doesn't even make, I mean, unless she was doing a spell for, it involved a goldfish, I don't know.
You need to ask her, really. How can I ask her? What do you mean? Well, she thinks she's a goldfish. You try and get a sense out of her.
That's a good point. That is a good point. I ask her questions, all she goes is, and Ginger said, for those who obviously can't see what's being done, the prince just did a mouthy goldfish kind of movement, but you don't really get that from the sound, but from the visuals you can.
Like the sound, it could have been anything, couldn't it? I mean, Princey, honestly, you need to remember that this is a podcast. This is audio. People can't see us.
So by making a sound, it'd be the same as doing shadow puppets for people. They can't, it's not going to be useful. Okay.
Blimey. You're an expert on podcasts all of a sudden. I'm not, I'm not an expert.
I'm just, just letting you know, you know, for future reference. So can we bring this to an end? I definitely agree that we should. So I suppose like all fairy tales, they all lived happily ever after.
So yeah, that's it really, isn't it? Okay. You still want to talk, don't you? Yeah, I do a little bit. Listen, Ginger, we have to bring this to an end.
I need to, I've got things to do. You've got things to do? Well, not really. Yeah, you do.
You've got things, I've got things for you to do. You're my, you're my guard. I have jobs for you to do.
Oh, I'm your guard now, but before I was your friend. Oh, listen, come on. Don't be like that.
You've always been my guard. Was that an attempt at a joke? Yeah. I'm just trying to lighten the mood.
Okay. It was humorous, I suppose. So, okay, we'll bring this to an end.
We'll say goodbye. Happy sleep dreams. Do you think, do you actually think anyone's actually fallen asleep listening to this? You know what, Ginger? I don't know.
I'll be honest with you. I don't know. It's, I mean, some of the past Bedtime Story times, there's some pretty weird voices and sometimes quite screechy voices and that various levels of volume, which could be distracting for sleep.
But this one has been fairly calm, conversational. So, chances some people might have fallen asleep. There's no, there's no being, I don't think there's been much in the way of like loud sounds or anything like that, really.
Especially the last half an hour or so. So, I don't know. Who knows? It might just be one of those weird things that, that we do.
No reason really behind it, but we do it anyway. Oh, okay. Fair enough.
Right. So, are we done? Are we sorted? Yeah, yeah. Cool, cool.
Right. So, remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Be gentle with yourself.
Lots of love. Bye. Are you talking to me or are you talking to them? Ginger, we just finished, I just finished the recording.
Why did you have to keep talking? Well, I didn't know if you were talking to me because I was like, it's quite nice telling me to be kind to myself and you've never told me that I deserve to be happy and it just felt quite nice to hear it and I felt a bit rude if I didn't actually acknowledge what you just said to me. I wanted you to know that you've been heard.
Okay, Ginger.
Okay, I appreciate that. So, shall we, shall we finish this now? All right then, Princey. Your Highness is the correct term.
Princey is something that maybe you can say when there's no one else around. You mean like now? Okay, there's no one around now. So, yeah, but why does everything have to be so complicated with you? Can't you just call me your Highness? I'll call you Ginge, which is your name.
Your Highness is my name. And it's not your name though, is it? Yeah, it is my name. Your Highness is not your name.
Well, in that case, what is my name then? I'm trying to look. I'm trying to remember. Alaric or something.
Yeah, but that's the name of the Alaric. That's the name of the throne name. It's not my name.
It's, did you understand? It's the throne's name. My personal name is your Highness. Oh, okay.
That's weird. All right. It feels like a bit of a bit of a weird note to end on though.
Why? I don't know. There's no, it's just, it's fine. So, what do you want to do? You want to do a dance, don't you? You want to do a finale dance? Yeah, can I? Yeah, go on then.
Go on then. Do a finale dance. Right, let's go and get me shoes.
Why haven't you got any shoes on? Her grandmother keeps taking my shoes off. She's taking everyone's shoes. She's got a thing about feet.
I don't know. And that wasn't explored either, was it, in the story? I mean, that itself was probably enough information there to make it interesting. But no, they focused on me and you talking about nothing.
What was the point in that? And it had nothing to do with the Cinderella story in the end, did it? It might not have even, why, don't mention Cinderella. There's, there's no, has no reference really to the story. Yeah, I suppose some of the characters are similar.
Did you just say similar? Do you mean similar? Yeah, similar. No, it's similar. Exactly.
Similar is similar to similar. Oh dear, that was awful. Oh, we could just count down from ten to one and then that'd be the end of it.
All right then. Go on then, Ginge. Not me, I didn't go, I don't know how to do that.
It's your, you do it. I didn't go to counting classes at school. Counting classes.
Yeah, counting from ten down to one classes. I missed that one. Oh dear, that was just silly.
That was silly. That was just a, that, why, why did you say that? It's true. Okay, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2,
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.