#85 Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety & Panic Attacks - SELF WORTH - (Jason Newland) (31st January 2020)

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So, it's a couple of things. I've always got ideas about what I'm gonna talk about. I've got a few ideas.

I've not always kind of just got one thing that I wanna discuss or talk about, unless it's gonna be an actual exercise. But this isn't gonna be an exercise. This is gonna be me, I can say wobbling on, but waffling on, I don't know, just me talking.

And I'm not quite sure how to approach this. But the main thing, the main point that I wanna get across is for you to actually, I guess self-esteem, it's called self-esteem, that's what the normal kind of term would be, to get in touch and to build up your own self-esteem. I probably use the word self-worth, personally.

That seems more like a, I don't know, it seems more of an apt word. But they're both obviously important and it's pretty much the same thing. But self-worth, let's focus on self-worth.

And you may think, what's that got to do with the price of cheese? What's that got to do with stress and anxiety? It might have nothing to do with your situation. It might have everything to do with your situation. It might mildly have something to do with it.

Because let's face it, some people are going through an extremely stressful and anxiety and anxious time because their partner is ill. Or their child is ill, seriously ill. Or a parent, brother, sister, best friend.

So anxiety and stress, it's not confined to just something that's happening to us. Because someone else being ill is not happening to us. Or that feels like it, but it's not.

It's happening to them. But we're being affected by it because we love that person. So, this is not aimed, so that in this situation, maybe someone might have great self-esteem, self-belief, self-worth, but actually it's more stress reduction, coping skills that are required.

So maybe this recording might not be useful, I don't know, to everybody. But not every recording is going to be, is it? Apart from those that are. But I like the idea that everything has it worth, everything has, you know, I can read a book and there might be just one sentence in the entire book that resonates with me and actually changes the way I think.

And it keeps repeating. It's like a spicy curry, you know, it keeps repeating on you. It's like, I keep tasting it.

I ate it like six hours ago, I'm still tasting it. And it could be like that, you know, you hear a sentence. For example, someone said to me the idea that actually being told that I've helped other people and I may never be aware of it.

I help people that I don't know I've helped. Really resonated with someone, you know, recently. So it's sometimes just a little idea or a big idea depending on how effective it is to the individual person.

Now, we're coming back to self-worth. Self-worth, what is self-worth? Break it down. Is it feeling worthy? Worthy, why do we need to feel worthy? Or is it feeling that you're worth something? And personally, we are priceless.

You can't put a value on a human being. You can't really put a value on any life. We're worth, you know, so we are, I was gonna say worthless then, we are priceless.

So the word worth isn't really, in a sense, from a positive perspective, is not valid. But from the negative perspective of how people might feel, because a lot of people will feel worthless, then, you know, it's kind of looking at it from that angle. Instead of feeling priceless, they feel worthless.

When we are all priceless, we cannot be replaced. Nobody can be replaced. We all have our own unique view of the world, our stance, our opinions, our thoughts, the way we look, the way we walk, the way we taste food may be different to other people.

Sense of humor, all kinds of different things. And a lot of that stuff is hidden. Because there's a big, there's pressure to conform, you know, like if you see someone from, let's say a part of this country, I'm not gonna say which part, because it could be any part, but you find someone from a specific part of the country, and they go to another part of the country, and they will act the stereotypical, be stereotypical to what everyone thinks that they're, those people, those people, act like.

When it's not real. Because they're just human beings. And they take on behaviors from other people, and we all do, that's how we learn.

But inside, they're an individual. Some people don't come across as being very individual, because maybe they're not, they don't feel confident enough within themselves. I remember my friend said to me, I'm unique, I'm a unique individual, just like all my friends.

So it's kind of, that pressure to conform, I kind of don't feel that pressure, but it definitely gets easier with age, because it doesn't matter anymore. But there is that pressure, I mean, I think when you're younger, you know, when I was maybe in my 20s, I still didn't conform, but I definitely noticed the pressure to do so, to wear the certain kind of clothes, and to have a certain kind of haircut, and to even, you know, to date certain types of people, sort of to keep in your own lane, into your own little group.

Because I've never had groups.

I didn't kind of conform to that. And it throws people off. So do you get your self-worth from other people? That's kind of where I'm coming from for this.

Because that's where we originally get it from. Our self-esteem comes from others. Our self-worth comes from others, initially.

You think of a little baby. He's just done a poo on his potty. But because the whole family's clapping, and making such a big deal about it, because he's done it on the potty instead of on the table, the dinner table, everyone's happy, they're like, well done, well done, well done, little JJ.

Well done, Andre. And that little toddler, little baby, little child thinks, this means that I'm worth something. It's not gonna think cognitively, logically that way, but emotionally, that's gonna be the connection.

I'm worth something. And in the same way, when a child misbehaves, and they get told off, or smacked, or worse, or ostracized by their peers at school, or college, or teachers, or friends, because they don't act in the way that everyone expects them to, then they're basing their self-worth and self-esteem, again, on the outside, from other people. And we've all done it.

We were brought up to do it. It's how we're raised. And maybe not everyone's raised like that, but I'm just, I am generalizing.

I have to generalize in these situations. And some people keep that going throughout the whole life, until they stop and realize that actually other people's opinions are not important, or not as important as perhaps they used to think they were. See, I don't care what my dad thinks about me, really.

I do, but I don't. But at the same time, you know, I've got to show respect. He's an elderly man.

He's my dad. So I try and show a little bit of respect. I'm laughing, because I'm not sure I always pull it off very well, but I conform when I'm with him, to a degree.

But I don't conform to his lifestyle, or to his thinking, when I'm not with him. Because then that would be my self-worth. It wouldn't be my self-esteem, would it? It'd be his self-esteem, his esteem put onto me.

Or his values put onto me, not my own values. Yet we share values. He's very against stealing, and I love to steal.

No, no, that's wrong. No, he's against stealing, I am as well. You know, I don't steal, I'm not a thief.

It's just one of those things that, I don't even feel that it's because I've been taught it. Although it probably is, to be fair. But I can make my own mind up.

And I can look at it and think, no, taking someone else's property or belongings is actually pretty much a disgusting thing to do, outside of an emergency. But, put me in a situation where I've got no food, I will go into a supermarket and I will steal sandwiches and food. I've got no problem with that.

So, that's about self-worth and self-preservation. Because actually, the person that goes and, forces themselves to steal something from the supermarket because it's that or starving, then their self-esteem is kind of a bit more healthy than if they didn't do it. If they just lied down and didn't do anything to help themselves, then that's a sign their self-worth is very, very low.

But then it's also a sign they need help. So that's another thing, I think, in those situations when people get vulnerable. When we're at our lowest, when we really need help, the self-worth seems to hide.

It's, I don't know, it almost feels a little bit like a regression. When I first, when I was having the panic attacks, the anxiety back in 2003, it was really a whole, pretty much had two years of it, really. And, I had, I think I had a couple of weeks off work and I went down to the, to the reception, because there was a reception for the building that I lived in.

And I said, I can't remember what, I said something about, I made a flippant comment about, oh, I'm probably gonna go and top myself. Something like that. But I was down, I was depressed and everything, but I didn't really mean it, but I said it.

As a, like a, I suppose in my way, maybe a joke, I don't know. It wasn't a very funny joke, but I said it. And then 10 minutes later, there's a knock at my door and the counsellor, they actually, because it was a charity that ran this building, and they had a homeless section to it.

I wasn't in that part, but they had a, so they had a counsellor that dealt with homeless people. And I was, they got their money from the flats that they rented, that's how they financed it. Anyway, I just knock on the door and there's a lady there saying, yeah, I'm a counsellor.

Can I come in? And she sat down. And she sort of said, I just wanna check that you're okay. Because I always got on quite well with the people that worked at the reception, say hello to them, and you know, they, yeah, they kind of knew me a little bit.

And I just said, no, I'm not. And she gave me a few counselling sessions. And I almost felt like I'd regressed.

And I didn't realise that my self-worth was pretty much at a zero. And self-respect, I don't think I had any. But my self-worth was just, I'd almost given up because I couldn't see a way, I didn't see, couldn't figure out how this was gonna end, how I was gonna be able to move forward from the anxiety, because it had overtaken my life.

So my, I kind of coming back to the self-worth bit, we need to hold on to that, all of us. We need to nourish it. And sometimes it hides.

It hasn't gone away, it hasn't disappeared, it's just hiding. And it's about finding it again. And I think that's what happens with depression.

Love, happiness, joy, motivation, positivity, all those things that feel like they've disappeared, like they're dead, like they've died. They haven't, they're just, they're hiding. If you think of it like they're hiding, because they don't like the environment.

They don't want to be in that environment of extreme negativity. It's very hard to live in that environment, to be around it. If you know anyone that's just generally really negative, and I have known people, and like every third word or sentence that comes out of their mouth is negative, I can't say I always enjoy being with them.

But it's not an enjoyable experience. I don't mind if it's humorous, but if it's like always constantly, everything's negative, even if they're not depressed, they're just negative people. It's hard for happiness or positivity or any kind of motivation to live in that environment.

So it doesn't die, it doesn't disappear, it hides, doesn't run away, it hides. And it waits for when it's safe to come back. It's almost like a child with both the parents arguing, the child might hide, because let's say children, I don't think any children like having their parents arguing, even if it's just a verbal exchange, which isn't too serious, still unpleasant for the child.

And the child would possibly hide, maybe under the bed, or maybe just in the bedroom, until the atmosphere is cleared. And then it's kind of emotionally safe to go back. So that's what happens, I think, maybe that's what happens, but that's what happens with our self-worth.

It hides, because the environment, I mean, we are the parent of our self-worth. We are the parent of our positivity. We are the parent of our motivation.

It's our responsibility, individually. They're our children. And it might seem weird, a weird concept, but if you think about it like that, then you get an idea of how precious they are.

And these aren't just children that you've had for maybe 10 years, we've had these children our whole life. They've been inside us our whole life. Admittedly, when we're first born, they're not really developed, and maybe they're still not, maybe they're never fully developed, because we're always changing, aren't we? But we are the parent, you are the parent of your own happiness, of your own motivation.

You are the parent of your own self-worth. You're the parent of your own self-esteem. You are the parent of your own kindness.

You're a parent of your own love that you can feel for yourself and others. You're the parent. And it's not like you get to the point, you know, the kid's a teenager, and you stop trying to help, because teenagers being a pain, and then teenager becomes older, and you just let them go on with their life, because you kind of have to.

You have to take a step back at some point. In this situation, we never have to take a step back, because we're always the parent, because they are always our children. They're always dependent upon us, because if we don't take responsibility for them, then they take it from outside.

So self-esteem, we'll take it from what other people do, what other people say, how other people act, how other people treat us, instead of us actually listening to ourselves and being motivated by what we want to be motivated by, and to enjoy things that we enjoy, not being blown around in the wind like an old plastic bag that has no direction, because we're not that. I've got nothing against plastic bags.

So, we're our own parent of those emotions, those feelings.

We're responsible for our own self-worth to get in touch with those feelings. And when I say we're responsible, I don't mean we're to blame. I've got no time for blame.

No. No time at all for blame. No time for guilt.

Just get rid of those two words. Expel them from the dictionary. They're not useful.

Blaming yourself or blaming others, it never leads to any degree of happiness. Blame only leads to, well, it doesn't lead anywhere, does it? And you could argue, well, if someone does something, I'm not gonna blame myself. Who do I blame if they did it? They're responsible.

They're responsible. It's a different word. If you're in a car and you drive into someone's, I don't know, garden, then you're responsible for that.

You're not to blame for that. You're responsible for it. It's a different thing.

It's a different emotion. In fact, it doesn't really have any emotion. It just means you take responsibility and you do what's needed to be done to rectify the situation.

And hopefully, we don't always, but hopefully we'll learn from it. So blaming is of no use. And guilt, come on.

Guilt is for people that will never move on. We need to move on. If something bad happens and we do something that hurts another person or hurts ourself, it's really horrible, of course we're gonna feel crappy.

It's natural. That's the natural way of things. We're gonna feel awful for some time.

You can't let it rule your life. You can't let it be the controlling factor to your future. And guilt, no, because people that feel guilty really want other people to feel guilty as well.

It's like a disease. It's like an infection, a virus. In fact, people that feel guilt and welcome guilt, they demand other people to feel guilty.

So I'd say don't get involved in that at all. Let other people do what they wanna do. Someone wants to feel guilty, let them feel guilty.

Not your problem. They're just hurting themselves. And they may say, yeah, but it stops me from doing what I did before.

Well, I suppose you could say that. I suppose if you're a little child or you need to be trained like a puppy to control you, but if you're an adult with a brain, with the ability to think, which you are and you have, then you don't need guilt. Just need the memory.

You just need to, you know, you're not gonna forget what happened. We don't have to think about it all the time. We're very lucky we've got these brains to remember stuff.

So we don't have to think about it. Can you imagine if every night before we went to bed, we had to write down every single thing that we ever thought about and everything that's ever happened in our life so that we can remember it when we wake up? Well, no, we don't have to do that because even though you go to sleep, your mind slows down to practically nothing whilst you're going to sleep.

I know there's a lot of stimulation at times during sleep, but you wake up and all that stuff is still available.

So it's not something we have to keep pondering on. It's available when you need it. Don't need huge emotion, negative emotion attached.

So what is your self-worth like now? That's the question. What is your self-worth? What would you say is between zero and 10? Zero being absolutely crappy. Like zero, you know, you feel, I don't know, I don't wanna put words into your mouth, but if I was a zero of self-worth, I guess I probably wouldn't care about myself at all.

I probably, I have been zero self-worth in the past, but it's quite difficult to get into that zone. I probably wouldn't care about my health, wouldn't care about my appearance, although I'm not too bothered about my appearance these days. I wouldn't feel, I'd feel that no one else cared.

I'd probably feel that I wasn't worthy. So if I got ill, I wasn't worthy enough. I didn't deserve to have medical attention.

Maybe I wouldn't go for a job interview because I didn't feel that I deserved to have that job. Perhaps I would end a relationship with someone that I cared about because I didn't feel worthy, didn't feel that I was worth anything and that they deserved to be with someone better than me. So it's basically being almost a zombie, I suppose, kind of a zombie, like the living dead at its most extreme.

To have zero self-worth is, I don't know why, I just get the image of someone that literally would see a lion running at them and wouldn't even bother trying to get away. I just like no kind of interest in their own safety, which is a terrible, terrible place to be. Or someone with no motivation that really believes the bullshit that's going on in their mind, telling them that nothing's ever gonna change and everything's gonna be crap forever and blah, blah, blah, blah.

And actually believe it when we all know that that is not true. We don't always know it's not true, obviously. There's times when it feels true.

But we're talking about self-worth here. We're not talking about depression because self-worth is something that, or lack of self-worth is something that probably lasts for years. It's not like, I don't think it's something that would necessarily change dramatically for most people.

Maybe someone with bipolar, which I have, it can, I guess it can go to extremes at times. And I suppose for some people it would depend on the situation, it can drop and rise. But ultimately, it's gonna even out.

It's gonna even out at a point where it doesn't really ever go beyond, doesn't go above or below that point. But it can be improved upon, or it can be reduced. I mean, there's lots of things you could do to make yourself feel worse.

If you so wanted to, why would you want to? But that's another thing, I quite like the idea of, if you get in touch with what you could do to make yourself feel really crappy, then you now know what you could do to make yourself feel really good. Because it's the opposite. And also it proves to you that actually you do have control over how you feel.

Because some people say, oh, I've got no control over how I feel, it's just how I feel, I can't control it. Okay. Do you like Marmite? No, well, eat that Marmite.

It's like, I'll eat it and they'll eat it. They're choosing to eat it, even if I said eat it, they don't have to. So they're eating it, they're feeling horrible, might be gagging, because they think it's so disgusting.

Or it could be Marmite, could be anything, could be banana, could be anything that they really don't like eating. And then you could say, well, actually, you feel worse now than you did before, don't you? And I'll say, yeah. And when you was eating that Marmite, you felt way crappier than you did before you started eating that Marmite.

Yeah, that's a truth. There's no way of denying that. Yeah.

So therefore you do have control over how you feel because you just made yourself feel worse. So if you can make yourself feel worse, you can make yourself feel happier or more relaxed. And it gives back the freedom, it gives back the control, gives back the reality that actually we can have a degree of control about how we feel.

I wanna say control, I'm not talking about control in the conventional way of, I'm gonna make sure that I feel this relaxed at this time and always be monitoring yourself because that would be, I don't think it'd be much fun at all. That would be, for me, that would be stressful. But always monitoring.

I've done that in the past, monitored how I felt, what emotions I was feeling, carried around a diary. Every hour I'd write down sort of what level of stress I was at. It can be useful to sort of get an idea of where you are, but maybe not always, sometimes.

But once you realise you can change, there's an old, Milton Erickson did a thing where this lady came in, he's a psychotherapist and hypnotist from the sort of 50s and 60s, 70s, and he's very famous. A lady came to him and said, she was an overweight lady, she said, I can't change my weight. I can't change it, nothing I can do can, my weight stays this way, I can't change it.

Because she wanted to reduce weight. And he said, are you sure? She said, yeah. He said, you wanna reduce it? She said, but I can't change it.

I can't, I've no way, I can't change the weight. So he said, well, it is your homework, go home. And he weighed her and she was like 5,000 pounds or whatever.

And he said, come back when you put on 14 pounds. She said, what? He said, yeah, come back when you put on 14 pounds and I want you to do it in the next two weeks. And she did, she came back, he weighed her, she was 14 pounds exactly overweight, above the way she was.

And he said, well, that proves it then, doesn't it? Proves that you were wrong and that you actually can. And she said, what? It means that you can change your weight. She said, yeah, but I feel horrible.

I don't wanna be heavier, I wanna be lighter. This is, this is not what I want. Makes me feel ill, I don't like being heavier.

And he said, well, now you know you can control your weight, you can reduce it if you want. It's up to you, but you've proven to yourself that you can control your weight. And I keep that analogy in my head for various different situations, just to remember that actually, we do have the ability to make changes.

Even though we may be using limiting language, like I can't, there's no way I can do it, it's impossible. And that's another good thing. If you can start doing that in your head when you start saying negative things, go nya, nya, nya.

You know, like when kids put their fingers in their ears and go nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, to try and block out the sound of maybe their friend saying something they don't wanna hear. Perhaps start doing it to ourselves when we start hearing, you know, start saying negative things to ourselves. Because ultimately, when it comes to self-esteem or self-worth, it brings me back to something I said years and years ago, I've said it to clients in the past, is our self-worth is affected by our internal dialogue, hugely affected.

And what we say to ourselves affects how we think and how we feel. It affects how we feel. How could it not? And what we say to ourselves is more powerful than what anybody else could say to us.

It has more effect. If you were saying this to yourself, what I'm saying, it'd have way more effect than me saying it. And in some ways, it is you saying it because you're listening to it on audio rather than me being in front of you.

So it's kind of separated me from it and it's just become part of you, in a sense. Those parts that you find useful, that is. Those parts that you invite into yourself.

And you've got this internal dialogue, telling yourself stuff that you might not even be aware of. And it might be something as, yeah, I'm not good enough. For years and years, I've been telling myself, I used to tell myself that I was stupid and I was a dick.

That's what I used to tell myself because that's what I was told. And I internalized it and I used to think it. I really used to believe it.

Eventually, I learned that that wasn't the case. But it took many, many, many years and I'm still not there. I'm still not there.

Still not where I could be as far as feeling confident within myself and my own ability to maybe do certain things, whether academic or intellectually, possibly. So you've got these things that you're thinking about and you might not even be aware of it. And that's when it causes the most damage because you stop taking notice of it, yet it's still going on, making those beliefs stronger.

Those limiting beliefs that are of no good and they're outdated and harmful, they get stronger if you ignore and don't notice what you're saying to yourself inside your mind. You might even say out loud, how often have you heard someone say, well, I'm crap at that, I'm useless at that, I'm use... They actually, they will verbalize externally what their internal kind of thought patterns. And how many times have you noticed yourself doing it?

I've done that loads of times in the past.

I said something and maybe you've not noticed it, but maybe you will now. And it's like, did I really just say that out loud? I've just called myself stupid or an idiot or useless. I've just said that out loud.

It's like, wow, sometimes it comes as a little bit of a shock. I don't, do I really think that about myself? So my analogy is basically, if you, well, first of all, it's bullying. You're basically bullying yourself.

And I'm guessing pretty much everyone listens to me. Everyone who listens to this finds bullying disgusting. It's a disgusting thing.

I'm not even taking a moral judgment. I'm just saying, factually, it's just disgusting to bully. You know, it's something that maybe kids will do and they don't realize what they're doing and you know, whatever.

But to bully yourself is a different level and unacceptable, which I'm sure you agree. Because maybe you've not thought of it that way, not thought of it as in, I've been bullying myself. Telling myself that I'm stupid, that I'm not worth anything or not worth enough, that I don't deserve to be with my partner or that I don't deserve to be loved or whatever horrible things, negative lies that we tell ourselves.

Although lies is probably a strong word because at the time we probably do believe it, but it's not true. So whatever the middle ground is between lies and being true, because that's not true when we say that stuff to ourselves. So maybe we are lying to ourselves.

But it's definitely bullying going on there and that's unacceptable. And then remember, go back to the fact that you're the parent of those parts of yourself, self-worth, the love, self-love, kindness, positivity, motivation, those things that hide sometimes because they feel they're being bullied. They're bullied away by the big bully that's being negative because negativity is powerful stuff.

I mean, I've met nice people and I've met people that are really perhaps not so nice. But in a fight, in a really dangerous situation, I feel I'd rather have the really mean person with me to defend me because they'd probably physically be able to do it and they'd be able to mentally do it. The nicest person in the world may not be able to do anything, but they're lovely to be around, but they keep away from that stuff.

They don't want anything to do with negativity or hostility. So they hide, which is kind of a natural thing to do really. So as a parent, you're the parent of those parts of you.

They rely on you. You're their parent. You always will be.

You're responsible for them. You can ignore them if you want. You don't have to do anything, of course, but you are responsible.

So if you allow them to nurture and you give them time to nurture and you give them time to be there and give them space to get rid of that negative stuff, then they're allowed to grow and to blossom. And just, if you think about it in the sense of a garden, if you let the weeds, the weeds will destroy everything that they can. Get rid of the weeds and the garden changes.

It's a different environment. It's the flowers and the plants. It's different, totally different.

Sometimes you need to get rid of the weeds. But if you look at it, I like to go to the extremes sometimes. If you look at it from an extreme perspective, from a real, quite horrible perspective really, in the sense of if you had somebody following you around, saying to you the things that you say to yourself, would you be able to put up with it? And some people might say, well, I had that in the past.

So I'm not talking about as a child or as an adult, I'm hoping that no one has to put up with that. And if you are going through that stuff, seek help. Genuinely seek help, like now, straight away.

And put an end, make sure that stops. And make sure that you're safe. So if you've got someone walking around following you, saying all the things that you say to yourself in your mind, putting yourself down, telling yourself you're not good enough, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff.

You're not, at the very least, you're not going to want to be around them. I mean, you'd want to hide from them, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you want to hide from that person? They'd knock on your door in the morning. You wouldn't answer the door, would you? They'd phone you up.

You'd see their name on the phone. No, thank you very much. You'd keep away from them.

So why do we allow it in our heads? Why do we allow ourselves to do it to ourselves? And also, I'll go from one other angle as well. I'll just say it one sentence, really. And I've done recordings on this in the past.

Think about what you say to yourself. My question is this. Would you say that to a small child? So whatever you just said to yourself, whether it's, I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I don't deserve to be happy, all those kind of stuff that's wrong, that makes no sense, really.

Would you say that to a small child? Someone that you care for, like your own child, or your niece, nephew, your grandchild? Even a child you don't even know, would you walk up to a child in the street, apart from the fact that you'd get in trouble, especially if the parents were there and they heard you say it, but if you were to go up to a child and say those things that you say to yourself, would you say that to a small child?

Now I'm guessing the answer would be 100% no. If it's yes, then again, maybe seek some professional help and work through that. But I'd say most people would say no to that.

You wouldn't be abusive, verbally, the way you are to yourself, or have been in the past, or used to be before you decided to change, now you've heard this, and you've got that situation, it's like, no, you wouldn't. I wouldn't, you wouldn't, of course you wouldn't. It's actually, it's almost insulting to be asked that, isn't it? Of course I wouldn't do that, that's a disgusting thing.

Wouldn't hurt a small child. So if it's not good enough for the child, why is it good enough for you? That type of language, that type of put-downs, negativity. If it's not okay for a small child, why is it okay for you? Why is that, why? I mean, that child that you never, maybe you've never seen before, you go up to them, you might get in trouble, but ultimately you're not gonna have to see them again.

Not part of their life. But you still wouldn't, would you? Even if you knew you'd never have to see the person again, you wouldn't do it, because you know that it'd be really, really upsetting to the child. Yet it's okay for us to do it to ourselves, constantly, day in, day out.

No, how can it be? No. So that would be probably what I would ask you to do next time you say something to yourself, or maybe you say it out loud. You know, maybe you bash your toe on a chair, and you say, oh, I'm such a clumsy so-and-so.

And then actually, wait a minute, would you say that to a small child who just hurt themselves? Someone that you really cared about? Would you call them an idiot for tripping over? Would you call them weak for not being able to deal with something? No, you wouldn't, would you? Because that grandchild, that child, you know, whoever that little boy or girl is, you wouldn't want to hurt them.

You wouldn't want to upset them. So my question really is, from now on, just, it's gonna stick in your mind, but anyway, but if from now on, just the next couple of days, find yourself, notice yourself when you're being negative towards yourself.

And this can have a big effect on stress levels, because it's hard enough to go through a difficult time, whether it's ill health, whatever, but to be blaming yourself and having to go at yourself for being ill, which a lot of people will do, it's definitely not gonna make it better. So the next time, or however many times it happens, over the next few days, I just recommend that you stop yourself, notice it, when you notice it, stop and say, okay, that sentence, would I say that to a small child?

And if the answer's no, if the answer's no, let it go. If the answer's no, let it go.

Let that thought evaporate. Let that thought be disintegrated. It's not welcome.

Just in the same way as, you know, if you've got a small child and a neighbour or someone from school comes round and that kid starts getting really rough with your child, that's gonna be the end of the little date, isn't it? Play date's over, go away. We're gonna call the parents or wait till the parents get here and say, okay, see ya. Probably not gonna want that child back in your home again if that child was hurting your child.

And probably tell, maybe tell the parents what happened. Maybe, I don't know. But some things are not acceptable, are they? And some things shouldn't be acceptable to any of us.

But we're the only ones that can make that decision. So I'm gonna ask you, the next time you have a thought in your mind where you're putting yourself down, where you're saying something horrible to yourself, calling yourself names, saying I'm useless, there's no point in me doing this, I'm blah, blah. Whatever it might be, just ask yourself, would I say that to a small child? If the answer's no, why say it to yourself then?

Aren't you as important as a small child? Why would a small child be more important than you? Why would you deserve to be having that verbal abuse but a small child doesn't? The answer is neither if you do.

Neither if you deserve it. So that's it. So I'm gonna, maybe I should just call this recording, would you say that to a small child? And, or self-worth, I don't know.

But that's it, just go with that and maybe let me know how you get on. So thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself.

And notice how your stress levels have reduced. Since you've been listening to me. So take care and I'll speak to you next time.

Probably tomorrow. Lots of love. Bye.