#54 Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety & Panic Attacks (Jason Newland) (13th September 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. This is relaxation hypnosis for stress, anxiety and panic attacks. My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes.

Now, this recording is going to be a bit different from previous ones. So I kind of have a little, yeah, not a warning, but just to let you know at the start, just in case you might not want to listen to it. I'm going to discuss an event that happened this week, a few days ago, where, when my anxiety was very high.

And I'm kind of going to discuss why, what I didn't do, that I could have done, how I didn't cope with it very well. So it's, it's kind of the opposite in some ways to what I talk about normally, but at the same time, showing that I'm just a human being, like yourself, and that I actually, although I've got it under control a lot of the time, and occasionally I get really affected by the anxiety.

So I thought I'd talk about this.

So again, if this is triggering in any way, or if it's something you just don't want to hear, or if it's not something you won't find useful, perhaps, then I understand and just click the off button. And I'm going to explore what I could have done. And I've been thinking about it for a few days.

This happened on Tuesday, it's now Friday. So, and a few things, I'm going to be mentioning a few thoughts about mental health and anxiety, and people's perception of it, especially professional people. You know, those in the mental health sector, perhaps, as well as people that are there to help that have no knowledge of mental health, but are still helping people with mental health issues.

So, for example, Citizens Advice Bureau, or maybe charities that help with homeless people, or support workers that just generally, you know, help anyone, that, you know, kind of general support worker. So I'm just kind of thinking it'd be useful for those people to have a bit more knowledge, but then it's, you know, it's such an individual thing. But anyway, so I'll just start from the start.

And as I said, it's not, it's not really any therapy or hypnosis, but it is a might be useful to somebody. And I've really thought about whether or not to make this recording because I don't want to seem like I'm just coming on here to have a moan. Because that's not what I intend to do.

I kind of want to have a moan, if I'm honest. I want to moan, have a good old moan about it. But that's not what I'm going to do.

I'll give some of the facts. And I'll tell you how I was feeling. So and then it's something you may relate to.

It's involving benefits, it's involving the PIP, personal independence payments, for those of you in England that may be dealing with that. Again, so that's, I'm only going to come from my perspective. Um, so there you go.

So that's what I'm going to be talking about in the next half an hour or however long. I say half an hour, but if you've listened to me before, I do have a tendency of talking forever and ever. So here's, here's the beginning of the story.

Three weeks ago, I received a letter from the PIP, which is the benefit agency place, with a form telling me that I needed to do a change of circumstances form, fill it in and have it in by the, I don't know, 14th, no, 12th of September, which was yesterday. And so I've had a few weeks to kind of, it wasn't even three, it was the end of August, so it wasn't even three weeks ago, probably two weeks ago.

And I went to the Citizen Advice Bureau, because I got this form on a Saturday, the Monday I went to the Citizen Advice.

And for those that don't know what it is, it's basically, it's a, it's a charity that do get funded by the government. And they, you can go there with any, most issues, whether it's legal, whether it's, you know, whatever it is, benefits. And they, they're kind of an advocate, and they can help to fill forms in and they can help to signpost, put you in touch with someone else that can help.

So I've been, I've used them quite a few times, since I was probably 17 over the years. And they're, they're really good. It's a really brilliant service to have, and it's free to use.

So I made the appointment. And when I went in there, first of all, they said, oh, we don't make appointments anymore. I said, but this is for the PIP form to be filled in.

I had an appointment last time, two years ago. And she said, oh, yeah, we do make appointments for the PIP form. Which again is, I think it's, I'm trying not to criticise them, but I'm gonna, because their first response to can I make an appointment is no, you have to come in in the morning.

Not asking what the appointment's for, not asking, not giving the person an opportunity to say. I just happened to be quite forceful in a sense of telling them that I wanted an appointment. And the reason I wanted it, because I knew I couldn't just turn up in the morning and expect someone to spend two hours with me filling a form in.

And so, and I saw them on this Tuesday say the same thing to somebody else. They came in and said, can I make an appointment please? No, you have to come in in the morning at nine o'clock or 9.30. So that person might have had a form, so they would have come in and then be told, oh, you have to make, you have to make an appointment for you.

So yeah, I think some of the ways they're operating is not great.

But again, that's just me being critical. So Andre's just appeared out of nowhere. So I go in there, okay, I go in and I've got the appointment.

So this is time for me, on reflection, to prepare myself mentally for going in there. Because I've filled in forms before with them. The last one was two years ago.

And I've filled in a couple of other forms at different places as well for benefits. And it's not something that I enjoy doing. I can't imagine anyone loves doing it.

But it's something that raises my anxiety level very, very high. Indeed, very. So I knew, I knew to prepare.

Yet, I didn't prepare. Not in the way that would have been more useful to me. Excuse the background sounds, it's Andre climbing through his little tube.

He's just doing his thing. So I thought, I'd relax the weekend, relax and not really think about it. But I was thinking about it.

It was almost like, underneath, I was thinking about it without consciously thinking about it. Which is a weird, kind of a weird thing. And the Monday, my friend asked me if I'd look after his dog on the Monday.

And I said yes. I should have said no. Because I needed the day to prepare for the Tuesday.

I needed to get myself ready. But I didn't think of myself, didn't put myself first. And this is a form that I fill in every two years.

It's not like it's a regular thing. So I ended up getting pretty much no sleep. Because I knew I needed to be up in the morning in order to have the dog.

And then he didn't end up, he didn't end up getting up. So I didn't end up having the dog. So I was waiting around for hours.

And technically, that's got nothing to do with Tuesday. I didn't spend the day doing what I could have been doing. And that's preparing.

I don't mean spending all day meditating, or anything like that. But just maybe being a bit nice to myself, maybe being a bit, trying to get a bit more relaxed. And rehearsing the day ahead.

Imagining, you know, waking up, feeling relaxed, feeling positive, feeling calm, rehearsing, getting on the bus, going into the, to the, you know, to the place I was going, sitting down, going through the process of filling the form with the lady that I was with. And feeling relaxed throughout that situation. And it lasted for about three hours, the form filling.

And I didn't realise it was going to take that long. And I just, I didn't use the time before in a constructive way, in a preparatory, that's the right word, way. So that's what I'm thinking now.

In hindsight, I know people say that hindsight and stuff, but it's useful for future learning. So what I could have done, on the bus, travelling to town, on that Tuesday morning, again, is feel relaxed, get myself calm, and rehearse in my mind. Going through the whole experience, and then rewinding back to sitting on the bus, and go through that, maybe even in quick motion.

And do that a few times. Because that would have taken away the anxiety of the thought of doing it, because I would have separated myself from it. It's, it's kind of a phobia technique.

I could have, I could have imagined myself sitting there in a clown outfit, or imagined whoever was sitting there doing it for me, wearing roller skates, and a big disco costume with flashing lights. I mean, I could have anything to have taken the edge off of that anxiety that I was feeling. But I'll be honest, the journey there wasn't feeling the anxiety, or I wasn't as aware of it.

It was almost like I was separate from, separated from how I was really feeling. Almost like I was pushing it away, didn't want to experience it, didn't want to feel it. Why would anybody want to feel it? Why would anybody want to experience an uncomfortable feeling? But by pushing it away, it makes it stronger.

So that's, you know, not useful. In an emergency situation, of course, it's very useful. You know, you need to get on and do what you need to do, and then allow yourself to feel that afterwards.

But this wasn't an emergency situation. I was sitting on a bus, travelling there. And the feeling I had really at that time was dread.

As I was walking towards the place, it was more, I've got to do this, I've got to do this. And I knew I had to do it, get the form filled, and send it off, go to the post office, pay for it to be delivered. And I needed to do it today, you know, on that Tuesday.

It all needed to be done. And on top of that, I had three other letters from two different people that I was posting as well. So again, I took on other people's stuff by choice.

When I should have said, perhaps no. Or shouldn't have done that. Not shouldn't have, but maybe perhaps should have been a bit selfish for that day.

Because last week, I decided that this coming week was going to be all about the Pit form, which possibly wasn't a good idea really, because maybe I built it up a bit too much, gave it too much energy, too much power over me. But the, and then other people asked me to do things. And I generally say yes.

So that's a separate thing that perhaps I need to look at. But you may be in a similar situation where you really need to focus on yourself. And Andre's now trying to rip the soundproofing off the wall, which is kind of ironic really, because I've got soundproofing there to stop background sounds.

Yet, I got a ferret making background sounds by trying to rip the soundproofing off the wall, which is there to stop background sounds. It's a bit of a weird irony there. So my anxiety levels were just growing as I walked into the place, but I was holding it together.

I thought the most important thing is to be friendly to the people that I meet, because they're helping me out. So I go in there. Hi, I got in there early.

And it's five past one. The appointment was half past one. So I got seen, but the lady came out at half past one.

And she said, took me into the room. So yeah, the lady came in, took me into a room. The first thing she said to me was, it's been a terrible day.

And you should have made the appointment for earlier. One o'clock or something, because it's going to take ages to do this. And I don't like traveling home in the dark.

I didn't listen to everything she said. And I said to her, well, I was here at five past one. Yeah, I was having my sandwich then.

I kind of realized then that whatever I said, she was going to backtrack, contradict herself. So I thought, no, she's helping me. I just, my anxiety was raising.

It was increasing. And I almost felt naked in a sense of I didn't have any protection. And I've got techniques, I've got different things I can use.

And I have used for years and years, since, you know, proper stress and stuff since the late nineties. So I've been using ways of dealing with something in the moment. But this was new because although the filling the forming I've done before, I hadn't done it with someone that was that awkward who's making it.

I need, I don't want to sound weird, but I almost needed someone to be really gentle with me. That's how I felt. I felt so vulnerable for a variety of reasons.

One was because of the anxiety, another one because of the financial aspect, because this form was so important. And if it's not done correctly, I could lose 220 pound a month, which is going to leave me in trouble. And also I know that some of the questions on there are very, very personal.

Things about hygiene thing, you know, just, and I didn't feel comfortable, I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing that level, that detailed level of those subjects with anybody. But it was, I think it would have been easier had the person been really gentle with me. So, by the way, that's my big black squeaky chair that's squeaking in the background.

So he went, there was the anxiety accelerated and then I almost went into a panicky feeling. Because they didn't have the previous form from two years ago, which is what I needed in order to help me to fill the form in. And they said it was archived and they couldn't get it back and the person that archives it's on holiday.

And there was a point where I nearly walked out. Partly because I needed to, I could feel an anxiety attack coming on. It wasn't, it hadn't happened yet.

And it didn't happen. But I felt like it might. And I was in the fight or flight situation.

And I definitely couldn't fight. Because I was a little bit worried what I might say. And in the end, you know, I kind of didn't literally have to bite my tongue, but really had to hold my mouth, keep it in.

Because this various different levels of rudeness happened a little bit throughout. And sometimes it kind of improved as it got as it got further on. As in, she was a bit more gentle.

And as long as I just answered the questions and did what I was told. And as the time went on, unfortunately, due to being in that, that level of anxiety for such a long period of time, and it was nearly three hours, I just found myself drained. I was drained, it was draining me so much.

And I just wanted to kind of climb under the, under the table and go to sleep. And just, you know, and I haven't felt that way for quite a long time. Probably the last time I felt that, that level was when I was working before I got really ill a few years ago.

I've been ill a few times, but this was a job I had, and I ended up losing a job over it. But that's kind of the level I was at. But I kept going, because I knew how important it was.

And it felt like a marathon. I've never done a marathon. Physically, I wouldn't be able to do that without a lot of training.

But mentally, I felt exhausted. And after the event, I thought, well, what could I have done to prepare myself for the exhaustion? And I suppose it's breaking up how much of the exhaustion was because of the anxiety and the toll it was taking on my body and on my mental health at that time. How much of it was just through the tediousness or repetitiveness or the just the unpleasant experience of spending three hours filling or forming.

I imagine even the most well-adjusted, completely wonderfully healthy in every aspect person, if there is such a person, would possibly have found it draining. So then it's kind of trying to judge like, oh, how much of this do I need to know? How much of it is anxiety and how much of it is just natural? But then it's all natural, isn't it? Because I'm a human being.

And that's something that perhaps we all need to remind ourselves of.

We are still just humans. And if we're dealing with anxiety at times, it doesn't make us any less human. Some could argue it makes us more human because we're in touch with how we're feeling.

I mean, last week, a friend of mine that I hadn't seen for a couple of years, he told me that he'd been diagnosed with bipolar and wanted to kind of pick my brain because I've got bipolar. And he wasn't so much asking for advice, but I decided to give him one bit of advice because he was talking about how he's feeling and how he kind of felt different.

And I said to him, just reminded him that, I said to him, you know what? You're still the same person you were before you got diagnosed.

That person that walked into that office, that doctor's surgery or, you know, the psychiatrist or whatever, before your diagnosis and after your diagnosis, you're still the same person. You're not a different person now. Still you.

You've got this condition, this illness, whatever you want to label it, but you're still you. And I had a similar thing. It's suddenly this diagnosis and I was seeing myself differently, perceiving myself differently.

When the panic started really bad in 2002, November, I thought my brain was damaged. There was something really wrong with me. Did I have a, you know, some kind of brain, not injury, but, you know, maybe a blood clot or brain cancer or, you know, my brain went all over the place.

Was I going crazy? That's how I felt at the time. And so that, I think it's important to remember that we're just human and these are feelings. And the reason we feel is because we're human.

And of course, we want to change those feelings. But at the same time, try not to give yourself, I'm going to try not to give myself too much of a hard time because technically I didn't practice what I preach. And I like to think I don't preach anything.

I'm not a preacher, but, or didn't follow my own advice. I didn't think I needed to. Is that cocky? It's probably quite cocky of me, maybe arrogant even, I don't know.

I just honestly didn't realize that my reaction was going to be so strong when I was in that office going through that process of the form filling. I did not prepare for that. In fact, if I'd known it was going to be like that, you know, beforehand, I would have cancelled and rearranged it for a different day, or maybe arrange for someone else to go with me, you know, or ask someone else to do the form.

And although it was very thorough, the way it was done, and then when I get back now, afterwards, I'm thinking, is it, am I just wanting to put the blame onto someone else for how I was feeling? Because this lady was doing this, she's helping me. And I think she liked me at the end, we were getting on quite well at the end. And it's a relief, I think, just that it was finished.

We were both relieved. But maybe I kind of got in touch with that, again, another human, a natural human behavior, which is to feel the need to blame somebody, which is never helpful, especially not ourselves. So I just, I sat there, did the three hours.

Then I had to go, I didn't have to, but I kind of did, I needed to go and get the letters posted. And the person in the post office was miserable. So it was like, oh, and I don't know how much of that was me, my energy was maybe having an effect on the people that I was around, that I was talking to.

And when I got home, eventually, I waited about half an hour for a bus. And I could struggle to walk from the bus stop to where I lived. And I thought in my head, all I got to do is get back, I'll have some hot cross buns or some tea cakes, toasted tea cakes.

I'll have a can of Coke. I'll chill out. I'll just watch a bit of telly, sit in my chair and just be fine.

I'll just wind down. I was wrong. I had the tea cakes.

I opened a can of Coke. And I felt that the stress levels were still really, really, really high. Really high.

And I couldn't understand because I was out of the situation now. Usually these days, it's almost like letting the air out of a balloon really slowly. It just releases.

But I couldn't function. And again, I'm not embarrassed to say this, because some of this I've mentioned before. I've got my diagnosis is bipolar affective disorder with unstable personality or unstable personality disorder traits.

So how much that is to do with that condition, blah, blah, blah. But I could not function, could not function. And I suppose part of what I'm saying is that's okay.

It's kind of okay. Because that is just the reality at the time. It didn't last for a long time.

And my only thing that I could do, or the only thing I wanted to do, was to go and lay down. Which is what I did. I laid down.

I think I had a headache as well, which wasn't surprising really, with the tension. And I'd just eaten, because I didn't know I was going to be laying down. So I felt physically uncomfortable.

But I couldn't get out of bed. I was just there. It was like a magnet, you know, sticking me to the bed.

And this was at half six in the afternoon or in the evening. And I did fall asleep. And at 9.30 I woke up.

And I felt so much better. So much more relaxed than I was before. And so from that angle, at the end of it, I did what I needed to do.

I needed to lay down and go to sleep. Which is something that I know works for me, when it comes to now, that these days didn't always work for me. But I've always found with anxiety, stress, or really low moods, sometimes going to bed is the only thing that helps.

It's just sleep through it. But again, that's a personal thing. We've all got our own different ways.

Some people may find going to the gym would be more useful. Some people may find talking to a friend, or a family member, or just having a cuddle, you know, with your kids or whatever it is, spending time with a loved one. Some people might find watching television or a movie would be a good way to wind down or have a bath.

For me, I just needed, I basically just collapsed into bed. And I say collapsed, it wasn't quite that dramatic. I didn't swoon and just faint onto the bed.

I just lay down. There was no drama involved. No violins required.

So that part I'm okay with, in a sense of, I've had to do that many times. But what could I have done to prepare for the actual anxiety that I experienced? Because I did say that I didn't expect it to be that bad. But I did expect to feel anxious.

I expected it. Yeah, I did nothing to prepare. And I'm not sure why.

I do actually, I think I do know why. And I didn't give myself time to prepare. I woke up late.

I ended up running for the bus. And I didn't give myself time to prepare. I didn't give myself space to do things slowly, preparing for it as in having a slow bath, having to eat my breakfast slowly, having a cup of coffee.

Perhaps a cup of coffee wasn't a good idea. In fact, I'm not even sure if I had one. But perhaps I could have taken an extra hour or two, took a slow walk to the bus stop.

And then on the journey on the bus, rehearsed it, rehearsed what was going to happen. Made it a bit silly, a bit humorous. Got in touch with feelings of positivity and gratitude.

Focusing on what? Maybe focusing on it being a really positive experience. Because I don't know how much of what I brought to the table affected the interactions. I'll be honest, I don't know.

I don't know if my anxiety when I met the lady affected the way that she dealt with me. And it may well have done. And her anxiety or her stress for the difficult day that she told me she'd had increased or affected my anxiety, triggered me to be even more.

So I guess really, I suppose in a sense, what I've got out of this is to say that it's okay to have a bad day. It's okay. Because in the past, I might have took that as a defeat.

I might have taken that as a signal to quit. Or as a, you know, I might have thought about it afterwards and thought, well, all this stuff that I'm doing, this relaxation, these things I've studied, it's just pointless and I'll give up. I could have taken it like that and talked to myself in that negative way.

But I haven't done that. I've not been saying I'm well done to myself. Apart from the not walking out bit, I'm pleased with myself for not walking out.

I'm pleased with myself for sticking there, for not, you know, for getting through it. And I'm trying not to be too critical towards myself for my lack of preparation. So I guess it's okay to have a bad day.

It doesn't mean that every other day is going to be bad. It doesn't mean that you've got to give up on having good days. Because that would be, that'd be cruel, wouldn't it? Be a cruel thing to do to yourself.

So I suppose it's finding the positives in it, in the situation, and also exploring ideas and possibilities of what I could have done, and perhaps how I will deal with a similar situation in the future. And so it's taking something, learning something from this experience. Because I'll be honest, it took me by surprise.

It really did. I knew it was, that's the thing, in my mind, I knew it was going to be difficult. So I already had that negativity in my mind before I even got there.

Instead of expecting it to be okay, expecting it to go well. Because if I'd have been traveling on the bus, expecting it to go well, I would have arrived there with a much more, but positive attitude. A lot calmer, a lot more relaxed.

And the likelihood is I would have dealt with it with a lot more calmness. Calmness. So it's almost like I chose to feel the way I felt.

And I know in the past I would have said, I definitely would have said I had no control over the situation, and I feel this way because I feel this way, and it's nothing to do with me. And actually, we all affect our own emotions and how we feel. It's not about taking blame.

It's about making changes. And if I'd have expected the process to go smoothly and easily, and to feel relaxed and calm throughout the whole situation, I'd have got there, I'd have been calm on the bus, I possibly would have been a lot more positive and friendlier to the lady that I saw, which meant that she may have been friendlier to me in response, and the three hours perhaps would have been a more relaxing experience than it was.

And if I'd have got home and felt drained and have to sleep for three hours, I wouldn't be bothered by that.

It was how I felt during that affected me the most, the anxiety levels during the process. Because at the end, when I got home, it was more as if I'd just been drained of every bit of energy that I had. Like I'd run out of petrol or diesel, or whatever you use to keep your car going, coal maybe.

So, it's okay to have a bad day, I think is my thought, my outcome for this. Because I don't want to blame myself. I am willing to take responsibility without blame, without criticism, without putting myself down, without calling myself names, without telling myself that it's a backward step, or something I was saying to myself on the day, especially in the evening.

How can I make recordings helping people with anxiety and panic attacks when I've just had one of the most anxious moments for a long time? And didn't really feel like I dealt with it particularly well. How can I? And then I thought, maybe transparency. I'll tell you, I'll tell, I'll talk about what happened.

And I know this, this podcast is really becoming quite popular. It's growing in popularity. And I hope that those that do listen are benefiting.

And I just felt that it was important to show my own vulnerability, because anxiety and stress, as well as feeling wonderful and elated, or feeling angry, feeling sad, bereavement, excitement, just being a human being. I think as Freud said, Sigmund Freud, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes feelings of anxiety is perfectly natural.

It doesn't mean it's going anywhere. It doesn't mean it's a relapse. It doesn't mean it's going to lead to a full blown panic attack.

It doesn't mean necessarily anything. What it might mean is, what it always does mean actually, what it always means is be kind to yourself, whatever that entails. Notice how you're feeling and do something about it.

Now, if I was back doing that thing again, on Wednesday, Tuesday, I probably should have gone to the toilet, or just said, I need a couple of minutes air, and gone outside and got a bit of air, had a glass of water or something like that. So I did nothing to help myself. Again, I'm trying not to say that in a critical way.

So I was not being kind to myself, which is something for me to learn from, without being cruel to myself and putting myself down. Like, no, no, no, no, no, you didn't do what you tell other people to do. You didn't, you know, you didn't deal with the anxiety.

It's okay to have a bad day. Just like it's okay to have a brilliant day. And I wish you a brilliant day today.

I'm going to end it here. So for those of you that listened to, oh, it's blimey, I've been talking for nearly an hour. For those of you that have been listening, thank you.

And I almost feel like I should just give this a title and put it in the self-development podcast. And it might be useful for other people that don't know about this podcast, but I probably won't. I hope this has been of use and I'll speak to you very soon.

Just remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Bye.