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Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com, my name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You If you like me, send me a paypal gift to paypal.me forward slash jasonnuland, the link is on my website. And that will help me to pay for the podcast and the website for the coming month. So thank you.
Oh, my tummy's rumbling. Actually, that was like a tummy fart. An internal fart.
That's strange. So hey, thank you for listening. It's been, I'll tell you something.
I've moved my chair. So I got rid of, I talked about this yesterday, I got rid of the black chair. It's gone forever.
It's been broken for ages, and it's gone. So I've moved, I moved my whole flat around yesterday. I'm not sure if I mentioned that.
Did I mention that? I don't know. But basically, I think this is gonna be one of those recordings where I say the word basically, a lot, which is okay. Moved everything around yesterday.
And Andre's been pretty good. That's weird, though, because I've now got the brown chair, which is my friend lent it to me. And I know I've been sitting in it for quite some time making recordings.
But it's been the other side of the room or a little bit further up from the black chair. And for some reason, now that it's in the position of where the black chair is, can you hear that? It's just making weird noises. It didn't used to make noises before.
So why is it making noises now? I don't understand. Very, very confused. Very, very.
In fact, you could say, Oh, yeah, I'm confused. I don't know why. I've got Andre asleep behind me.
Because now he's got this big area which is probably I don't know what percentage of the room but it's a nice area full of his toys and old rags and t shirts and stuff that he's slept in over the years, you know, bits and bobs that I had in his toy box. So I emptied the toy box and put all this stuff out. And it's on top of a few layers of bubble wrap.
Which part of him being his favourite thing to play with. It turns out it's a really comfortable place for him to sleep. So he's behind me now asleep.
So if you hear in the background, it's not a recording of me earlier in the toilet. It's him. It's him.
He's so cute when he's asleep. And a good thing about it, I can just reach my arm over and just stroke his face. Or just play with his ear.
Play with it. I mean, it sounds a bit weird, doesn't it? Play with it. Stop playing with his ear.
No, it's not tickling. You know, it's a little stroke. And if he's if he's tired, he'll probably push me away.
But once he's asleep, he can't be bothered. He's just like, okay. Of course, I don't know if that's what he thinks.
He might like to be stroked. I trod on him earlier. Didn't mean to.
Gets in the way sometimes. He's, where was he? I had went to close the door and he got stuck in between the door. We didn't get stuck, but he was in halfway in the door.
Like, what are you doing? So I pick him up. And he starts pushing me away, trying to get away from me. Thinking, well, either he was annoyed at me or he thought it was a game.
He wanted me to chase him. So I picked him up. And I did what I always do.
I said, Are you okay, darling? And I checked his hands and his little feet, just to make sure that I hadn't hurt him. Or that the door hadn't hurt him. And I just give him a little examination.
What's an examining? An examination? Yes. I'm a qualified examiner. Did you not know? So, and he was fine.
So before I tell you about my day. He was excited. Let's see if we've got any messages.
I've got a weird message today from Claire Fox. And it's a message, a facebook.com message. So I clicked on it and it took me to this some random Facebook page that had nothing on it.
So I'm thinking, oh, don't tell me that's some kind of virus or something. But luckily, the iPhones are pretty good with that stuff. Anyway, so I did get a message somewhere.
Where is it? In fact, I got two messages. I got a message from a Miss Rachel Avery Mcnicky. Miss Rachel Avery Mcnicky.
And it was one minute past 1pm. And it said, oh, that's weird. It says, from Miss Rachel Avery Mcnicky to Miss Rachel Avery Mcnicky.
Subject can we talk? So if your name is Rachel Avery Mcnicky, or Miss, I don't know anyone who would ever actually put their name down like that. And Miss. Very, very formal, isn't it? It's very.
These days, I don't know if anyone would ever put like, yes, this is from Mr. Mr. Jason Newland. No, no one does that anymore today. I don't know, maybe.
So that's why I'm thinking maybe it's something I shouldn't click on. Another message, another one. This is a real, this is a real message.
Let me give you. That's interesting. I want to check that out.
I wonder if that's a real. Well, it's a real message. You can tell a real message is when a person actually says your name.
Even then, it's not necessarily true. It might not. I mean, depends if they've got your name right.
But anyway, this is from Sybil. Sybil says. Okay.
So I never know what people sound like. So I just have to guess. And when I guess someone's voice, it's probably not going to be correct.
However, you know, just the way it is. So here's my impression of the person I've never met. So it says.
Dear Jason, my daughter Sybil and I listen to you every night to go to sleep. We really like hearing all the funny stories you tell and hearing about your adventures with Andre. Thank you for providing such a wonderful service for us insomniacs.
Sincerely, your Yvette and Sybil. Age seven. Age seven.
That's young. Hello. Yvette.
Sybil. By the way. See, I don't know where you're from.
In a sense, not that makes any difference. But you might not know what I'm talking when I say Sybil. It's Fawlty Towers.
Sybil is John Cleese's wife. Basil Fawlty's wife. Is my podcast suitable for seven year olds? I don't know.
But thank you for listening. And I do appreciate it. Yeah, it's Andre loves.
Andre loves you too, Sybil. He loves all his fans. He's got Andre's got a lot of fans out there.
And Sybil, you're his favorite fan. But he does. He does have a lot of fans.
I do wonder, you know, if I if I had done this podcast, I don't know, 10 years ago, for example, when I was up and running, doing lots of recordings, even back then, if I'd have done this particular type of podcast that I've been doing for a couple of years, two years or three years. I can't remember. Someone help me out.
How long have I been doing this? But I don't know if it had been as popular without Andre. Because Andre's definitely had an impact. Definitely.
Let me see if I can find out when the first recording was. Then from there, I can work out. I mean, some may say, well, why is it important? I didn't say it was important, did I? I'm going to do it anyway.
Because I can. I can. I'm a man with a plan to find out why I like eating flan.
Ham flan sandwich. Blimey. Here we go.
We're nearly at the bottom of the pile. Come on. So look, I'm down to 39 now.
14. Come on. Take me to number one.
Number one. When was it? 27th of March, 2018. Wow.
So that's March, 27th of March, 19. 27th of March, 20. Andre.
April, May, June, July, August, September, October. This is two years and seven months. Okay, it's not a 27th of October yet, but it's a 22nd, I think.
Oh, bless you, Andre. Bless you. Bless you.
I'm saying that because I usually say shut up. That's probably a bit rude. Bless you.
I hope the devil didn't get in. No, it didn't, daddy. I sneezed and you said bless you, so you've saved me.
Oh, that's nice. So two years and seven months. Wow.
That's a long time, you know. It is. It's a long time to be doing anything, really.
I mean, that's like a career. That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. Mind you, I think the first 23 recordings were longer than most of my relationships.
Remember when you're at school and you can get through a relationship literally between lessons? You know, I remember I asked a girl out once at break, at the end of lunch break, went to lesson, and then it was break time again, and she dumped me. She had a new boyfriend. I literally hadn't seen her.
I said, would you like to go out with me? She said, yeah, because we'd been playing during the break time, the lunch, I don't know, probably chasing each other and pushing each other over and stuff, you know, romantic stuff. And yeah, would you go out with me? I think you're nice. And she said, yes, that sounds wonderful.
I'd be privileged to be seen in your company whilst we're on our breaks between lessons. And I'd go, have my maths lesson or English or whatever, and whatever lessons it is. I didn't take much notice, to be honest.
I mean, they're all kind of very similar. There was someone, I was at the back of the class, ignoring the person at the front of the class, who was just yabbering on about something. Of course, school isn't like that nowadays.
That's why, that's why Sybil is very, very lucky, because school's brilliant and teachers are great now. In my day, the teachers, to be a geography teacher, you were, it was in your contract. If you're a geography teacher, you weren't allowed to wash.
That was, you know, you got given one suit and you had to wear it for the whole of your career. There's a few years at that school, for 30 years, you'd had the same suit for 30 years. It had to be brown, of course, and you weren't allowed to wash the suit either.
And what some of the geography teachers did, or was it history teachers? I don't know. It's kind of similar. I always used to class history and geography as the same subject.
And then, I always used to get confused, honestly. And five years of this, at high school, five years, I couldn't figure out why I got muddled up between the two. Never knew which book to take with me to the classroom.
And then I realised that was what the problem was. It was the same subject, same classroom. So I must have just associated that classroom with intense boredom.
And I didn't know what was going on. Well, you know, well, I knew what was going on. I wasn't oblivious to everything.
And what it was is, for some reason, my brain started working when the alarm went off. At the end of the class, suddenly, my brain would become active again. I don't know what it is about.
Of course, the history and geography teachers are wonderful now. Very cleanliness. In fact, when they get the job, they get given a lifetime supply of soap.
It's true. And they get a suit for every day of their working life. They do actually, they get a lorry load of suits delivered to them every month during their career at the school.
It's very different from from back when I was young. Very, very different. I don't know.
We used to, I don't know if you have school dinners. I think kids have school dinners. We used to have to grow our own food.
So a lot of the time, I'd end up eating crest. Now crest is stuff that you grow in yogurt pots. Yeah, thing is, it does taste quite nice.
I know people like, oh, you've got crest in between his teeth. Cressy Jason, Cressy Jason, Cressy Jason. Oh, come on.
Can't you think of other better things to call me? Big Nose Jason, Big Nose Jason. No, no. Cress.
We'll go back to the Cress. That's fine. Cressy Jason got a big nose.
Cressy Jason got something rude, rude. Ankle crush. Well no, beetle crushes.
That's what I used to get called at one point because I had big boots or big shoes. And it's hard to explain to the other kids that the reason I got those shoes is because they were in the sales. And simply the fact that I had three brothers that all needed shoes to go to school in.
At the time, I'll be honest with you, at the time, I did not appreciate what even my parents did for me. I still kind of don't, but you know, I'm aware that I don't. That's progress, isn't it? Isn't that progress? I genuinely didn't even get the concept.
And you know what, I saw something, I don't know what it was, a program, might have been a cookery program or something like that. And they were talking about cooking for a large group of people and a large family. Well, when I think about cooking for a large group of people, I think, you know, a hotel or a restaurant, a big wedding reception, you know, that kind of thing.
Wedding breakfast, what is that about? I mean, the way I see it, right? Why don't they just stick to the name? Be a bit literal like I like to be. Stick to the name, breakfast, serve up bacon, you know, have a vergy, a vergy, a veggie version, you know, instead of having dead animal pieces on your plate and eating that, have a veggie version. So it's a vegetable based or soya based food that looks like dead animal pieces on your plate and have eggs and I don't know what else, mushroom, you know, basically a full English, a full English breakfast.
See, I don't know why it's called a full English breakfast. Some people might say, well, try going to France then, go to Spain. Well, actually, I've been to both places and yeah, I never actually got to go anywhere in Spain.
I was only there for the weekend, no, weekend afternoon. In fact, I was there for however long it takes to get off the plane, buy a Mars bar, buy a can of Coke, get into a taxi, get taken around, randomly driving around for about half an hour till all my money was used up and then getting the taxi back to the airport, walking up to the the return place because I had a return ticket, but get the return ticket changed for that afternoon and then wait until, I don't know, probably about six or seven o'clock in the evening or five, it might be in five, I don't know.
So however long that period of time was is how long I was in Espana, yeah, didn't get to see much and I went to France, travelled through France when I was 19, 18, 18, yeah, I was 18, I wasn't 19 yet, 18 in 1989.
I had, here's the thing right, I was a fan of Bross, I was their only male fan who, well yeah, I was, there wasn't many, I was, I don't think there's many, there's many girls, young teenage girls because Bross were huge, huge, huge. In fact, I would say, I know that One Direction, that's it, One Direction, of course, massive, take that, massive, but I don't remember in my lifetime the absolute frenzy that happened with Bross. Now I'm sure people was like, oh it's not going to be, wasn't really bigger than One Direction, they're worldwide famous and they're massive in America.
Again, I've not been to the openings of their concerts or anything like that and One Direction clearly were more successful because they lasted for years and, and you know, they had the longevity, although that, you know, did, it's a good word isn't it, but Bross, seriously, frenzy, absolutely the most talked about musical act at the time, it was all that was seen to be talked about at that time in 1987, are we looking at 1987? I think so. When will I, will I be famous? I can't answer, I can't answer that. Yeah, 1987, but I think they did have a hit in America as well, but in this country, they were huge and I'm going to stop dribbling now, stop dribbling.
I wanted to be like them, I did, and in 1988, I bleached my hair blonde, had the same hairstyle as Bross and had both my ears pierced all at the same time, not at the same time, literally, but you know, enough, possibly the same day, I think, and it wasn't just my hair that was bleached, my scalp was bleached, parts of my face was bleached. I mean, I was really pleased, I got way more for my money than I expected. I didn't expect them to bleach my neck, brilliant.
Basically, this is something I did because I never had no money, never, do you mean never had no, double negatives, never had no money, do you mean you never had any money? No, I never had no money, or I always had no money, for a long time.
I've never really, in my entire life, ever really been financially well off, but I had a period, really, I think was, when I was doing insurance, I was earning, again, this isn't a huge amount of money, but massive for me at the time, I was earning £24,000 a year, the basic was £12,000 and I was doubling it with the bonus, and I lived in a little studio apartment thing at the YMCA, cost me, I think it was like £65 a week or something, and it was all inclusive apart from electricity, gas, water, all that stuff,
no council tax to pay, so everything was, you know, there's no bills really, apart from just, I don't know, £10 a week in the electric box, and I had no debts, nothing, nothing to pay out for other than that.
Yeah, I still managed to spend all my money, and then, then, it's really weird, I tried to open a proper bank account instead of just a savers account, and the bank said, no, no, you're not having one, I said, come on, oh no, go away, I said, I'll tickle your feet, and he said, is that if I do give you one, or if I don't give you a bank account, I said, either way, I'm, I'm, I'm fine, he said, that's not much of a threat, is it, can't win, so I just, I left, thinking, why
would you, how can you not give me a bank account, a proper bank account, when I'm clearly, you can see I'm earning money, it goes into the savings account every month, you can see that I'm doing all right, anyway, about, in 2003, probably about April time, I got a letter through the post, saying, with my name on it, for some reason, saying, would you like a credit card, so I replied, yes, please, filled in the form, and probably a week later, you have been successful in your application for this credit card, here it is, please
phone this number to activate said credit card, and I think the, the amount of money on it was, I don't know, 500 pound, maybe more, maybe it was a thousand pound, I don't think it was, I think it was 500, and then I got offered another one, for 1500 pound, a different company, so I said, yeah, okay, I'll take that as well, and in my head, in my head, I really believed I was just being given money, I thought, how lovely of these people, just to give me money, and I ended up with, probably nearly
5000 pounds worth of credit cards, yeah, you can see where this is going, and this is the whole thing, is like, I thought, in my mind, that this was free money, and I know that I'm not the only one, that's ever thought that, and I didn't really think it, but I acted as if that were true, and partly is, I didn't, almost didn't care, or worry about it, or I didn't need to worry about it, because I had an income, and things were going fairly good financially, in fact, I just set up, before I got
ill, and ended up having to leave the job, I set up a direct, like part of my banking thing, I set up for the bank to take 400 pound every month, and put it into a savings account, and that was with the credit cards, I was paying them off, it was easy, and yeah, it's just, you know, because I said excess money, because I didn't, I didn't have a, I didn't have a girlfriend, so that helped, because I'm quite, I would say I'm quite generous, not, not in all aspects, but very selfish in some aspects,
not a bit, you know, I'd like to buy nice things for the particular lady, and who's in my life at that time, and just going out, it's expensive, restaurants, you know, going on holiday, just generally, it's, so, Andre is just running in front of me, and basically he's doing a poo, on the carpet, and there's two inches between the poo and the paper that he should be doing it on, and every time I think that he's learnt, I've managed to teach him, and if I'd have been watching telly, I could have picked him up, and
put him onto the paper, but because I'm making this recording, it would have meant just disrupting the recording, if you know what I mean, and I didn't want to do that, oh, it's a smelly one as well, so, basically, what was I going to say, there was something I was saying, what was I saying, come to mind me, oh yeah, and then in 2004, I had no income apart from a little part-time job, because I'd left my other job in November 2003, because just, I didn't want to go off sick, I didn't want to be
long-term illness, didn't want that, I didn't want people to think that of me, knowing how they used to talk about other people that would take time off for being ill, for being ill, you know, take time off for being ill, yeah, I'd like to be ill next week, yeah, can I take a week off, no, but they were very, very negative towards people like that, and I'm not, yeah, I don't like, I don't like the idea of other people talking about me in that way, but so, I left, so I didn't take any time off,
well, I think I took a week off, and realised I just couldn't go back anymore, which, the weird thing about it is, I was part-time by then, still is, sounds like I'm bragging, but did I ever tell you about this, well, in 2002, when I was, started, I was, I had a lot of, a few health issues, and I'd sort of, so I took, it was like, well, I guess it was part of the bipolar thing, but it's anxiety and stuff, anyway, I took some time off, then I took some more time off, and then
I kind of forced myself back to work, I applied to the college to do a holistic therapy course, and they said, well, you're too late for this year, so I'd already applied for that in probably the September 2002, so I waited a year, and I applied for it again, this time before it started, I got on the course, had the interview and everything, and I asked my boss, the big, you know, the big cheese, I said, I'd like to go part-time, if that's alright, knowing that some people did do that, and I gave them plenty
of notice, I think I had at least, probably two months, sort of planning, I said, yeah, cool, went part-time, and I went to, so I worked in the evenings and on Saturday, and I was at college five days a week, full-time, doing this holistic therapy, holistic therapies course, which was massage, reflexology, aromatherapy, anatomy, and head, Indian head massage, yeah, that was it, and I've still got friends from the course, actually, I've still got a couple of friends, one lady became one of my best friends, and still is a close friend, and another person who I've
got on really well with, rarely see her, but I do sort of still have contact, and we get on really well as well, it's, when I see her, it's almost, it's like meeting up with an old friend, but actually it is, I suppose, it actually is meeting up with an old friend, yeah, it's like a pair of slippers, you know, like comfortable pair of slippers, don't ever tell anyone that that's what they're like, even though it might be a compliment, apparently, it doesn't go down well, you know what, you're like a really, really familiar pair
of pants, underpants, it's like those, those underpants just feel so comfy, everything's where it needs to be, you know what I mean, everything's really nice and tucked in together, and, but there's space, there's air, but it's not too, too airy or too tight, it's just right, yeah, that's what you're like, really, that's nice, yeah, we should meet up more often, so I did that course, and then, so that was the September, those, that period between September and December, or November, in fact, September, so it's three months, now, technically, three months isn't a long time, but
I packed a lot into those three months, not only did I go part-time, I also started the course, I also practiced with lots of people, I actually worked out my schedule, my timetable, on a day-to-day basis, and it turned out that I had something like seven hours a week to myself, because I took on so much, I took on way more people practicing with them, than any of the other people that were on my course, and part of the reason for that is because I had the people I had to practice with, my people at
the YMCA, in the gym, the people that worked at the YMCA, so there's quite a few of those, and also the people at the Buddhist Centre, so that was pretty cool, so I was getting, I don't know how many people I had, probably, let's think, one, two, three, four, six, I don't know, put eight people, probably, that I was seeing every week, maybe more, I don't know, and then there was practicing with the other students as well, plus going to college, plus, you know, I'd finish college at, I don't know, whatever time, and I'd go
to work, sometimes it'd be, you know, it'd be going straight to work, and I'd finish at like nine o'clock or something in the evening, go home, I'd be totally knackered, and so what was weird about that time is I was in a team, there's only one team of part-time sales team, there's only one, the rest, there were other people there that were working shifts, so they were there as well, but we were, the team I was in was the only part-time team, they were all part-time, and because I was the most experienced one there, and
of quite a few of the people that were working there, I'd only ever worked part-time, I think all of them, except me, so I became the unofficial team leader, because the team leader was, had either left or wasn't there for whatever reason, or they just didn't have one, so I was left in charge of the team, as well as making phone calls, as well as answering the phone as well, and answering other people's questions, and helping out, and so basically I was the unofficial team leader for that team, but the job was coming up for
that team leader job, and it was just really strange, what I found very unusual is how I was being treated, because everyone was told I was in charge, all the other team people, you know, I was looking after them, and they all treated me nicely, almost you could say respectfully, which was, it's not, I wasn't used to people being rude or anything, but it was definitely a different vibe, and there's some young, young lady who was there, and she was proper flirting with me, really flirting, and I don't know if it was just her having
a laugh, but she was, oh, what on earth's going on here, this is all weird, this is just strange, so I'm a college, I'm, when I'm not a college, I'm massaging people, and I don't even know, which is very strange to be having someone practically, you know, undressed in front of you, and to be touching them, it was a new thing, I hadn't generally done that before, and it was definitely something, I mean, I've, you know, I've done massage with women in the past, like I pretended to be a massage, a masseur in the past,
but I was always pretty good with my hands, and I was pretty good little, like, you know, shoulder and neck massage, and back and stuff, foot massage as well, I'm quite, I haven't done it for years, but I used to be good, and suddenly I've got this man, you know, I'm just, as I said, different people, like this, this hairy, hairy man, called Will, and he's lovely actually, and he's like, so hairy, I thought, I've got to touch that, and he said, you do realise you're talking out loud, I said, oh, sorry, he said, don't
worry, it's nothing, I've heard it before, it's fine, and I'm thinking, how am I going to massage him and his back, is there any oil on the planet that would be slippery enough to get through that hair, so what I decided, you know, bearing in mind I've been doing hypnosis years before that time, I started hypnosis 98, so what I did is I talked to him gently, I lulled him to sleep with my melodic tones, and when I could hear that he was asleep, because he was snoring, I shaved his back, so yeah, that was
okay, and apparently you're not supposed to do that, apparently it's intrusive, but you know, how was I to know, boundaries, boundaries, yeah, but you've got to be more clear than that, I mean, no one said anything about not shaving people's backs, why shouldn't that be obvious, nothing to me is obvious, I've had to learn everything, nothing's come naturally, yeah, anyway, so, in the end, it was, it really was like I was juggling, and you say, well, everyone does that, will you try and do that and show someone's back at the thing, actually, I was still
earning more commission working part-time, and running the team at the same time, than probably, I think, 60% of the sales force that were there full-time, and I was earning more bonus than them, people that were doing the job for twice as many hours, it was honestly, I was still in the top 20%, or something like that, it's like, it's ridiculous, when they told me, I said, come on, you're joking, I said, yeah, I said, you are joking, no, no, I'm not joking, you really are, you're selling more than most people, well, mostly, more than the
majority, that are working full-time, and I was doing that, having to put customers on hold, because someone opposite, on the table opposite me, needed my help, and I still managed to sell more, wow, those were the days, those were the days, so I'm going to go, it's a little bit short, I normally do an hour and a half, so 54 minutes is fine, every now and then, so remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy, lots of love, bye.
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.