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Complete transcript
Hello and welcome to Jason Newland dot com. My name's Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.
I got a message from Ben saying Hi Jason, some of your earlier podcasts are all over the place when listening to them. Thought I'd give you a heads up. I'm not sure what you mean.
What do you mean by all over the place? Yeah, I don't know what he means. What do you mean Ben? Ben, what do you mean? All over the place? Um, I don't know. It's quite weird doing this, well just doing this anyway.
It's a bit of a weird thing to do I think, making podcasts and stuff. But I think because I've made so many recordings, I don't think the podcast hosts can always keep up with the amount of recordings I've done. Because, not on all of the podcasts, because some of the podcasts you know I've done a hundred or whatever, but with this one I don't know how many I've done here.
So I've got most of the podcast directories. Where are you? I'm just going to have a look. By the way, I've taken all my adverts off all of the podcasts and that's it.
I'm going to, I'm going to class that experiment as over. Due to the amount of moaning that I received, telling-offs. So yeah, that's, they're gone.
So if you would like to help me cover the costs, please go to paypal.me forward slash Jason Newland. The link's on my website. Where's the Apple podcast? Apple podcast.
Apple. I've got too many podcasts on my phone. Literally, I've got loads and loads and loads.
I'm trying to find it by the icon but I can't. Come on, Apple podcasts. Podomatic, HiCast, Podster.
Let's try Podster. So let's search for me. Jason Newbold.
Right, that's good. I've come up straight away. Hypnosis is sleeping deeply.
See, this one only goes up to 300 episodes. So let's click on this podcast. So I've got, it's thrown people off a little bit because I put the 195 relaxation hypnosis for stress and anxiety.
Not taking yourself too seriously. I put this on the let me bore you to sleep podcast. And I think that's thrown people off a little bit.
What's that doing on there? It's on the wrong podcast. And on the sleep podcasts, I put on, I share other podcast episodes onto those ones. So it might seem muddled, but it's not.
The relaxation hypnosis is stress and anxiety again. And I share other podcasts on there as well. Episodes, anything to do with relaxation.
So you've got the, I've done 195 relaxation sessions. I also add on the deep sleep whisper hypnosis, if it's a relaxation session, sleep hypnosis weekly, if it's also a relaxation session. So they go on there as well.
And I do different types of things. So yeah, that might be what's, what's his name was on about. I don't know.
Not sure what you mean by all over the place. Just thought I'd close the window because it's a bit chilly. Now it's a bit, ooh, it's not so chilly.
I don't know. So let's see what other podcasts. So, so iTunes.
So I've got the podcast app and my stuff's on there. Oh, look, nice, nice. So if I go to go down, paste, Jason Newland, oh, shows.
50 listeners. Don't tell me I only have 50 listeners on the whole thing. According to this, yep.
So the podcast app, that's got all my stuff on there. So that's all fine. But that's not the Apple podcast.
Where's the Apple podcast? Global player, cast box. So I hope you're well, hope you're doing groovy and all that stuff. Oh, cast box, only one thing comes up, which is my sleep insomnia, hypnosis.
I can't be right. Surely not. Sleep, deep sleep, whisper.
That's on there as well. Okay. So what about let me bore you to sleep? That's on there as well.
So according to this, I've got 8.8,000 listeners to this podcast. And again, it's all in order. So there's nothing mixed there.
537 episodes, comments three. Wow. Wow, I've had some nice messages.
Look, this podcast is amazing. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep. But then I turned on the podcast and immediately went to sleep.
That's from Luka. Another one, I still really like this podcast. And thanks for making these episodes.
And Jennifer says, I love it when you get the gig. And that's number 420. I'm sure I laughed in one of my recent ones.
I do like I do like when I laugh, I just sometimes think should I edit it out? And then I think I know it's not ideal for someone's getting to sleep to get woken up by someone laughing. But there's worse ways to be woken up. You know, this is almost not done.
I'm not doing it to wake people up. No. All right, so I've tried it now on pocket casts, cast box, player FM.
The thing is, I've also took my last Let Me Bore You To Sleep recording off because it was it's too negative. It was I was in a proper grump. And I decided to get rid of it.
Which is something I've never done before. Yeah, so just on a different podcast now. Well, that was weird.
I've got a large dangly fit bit at the bottom of your throat or the back of your throat, not the tonsils, but the little hunchback thing. The speedball, you know, if you was a boxer. I've got quite a large one of them.
And it flops. It flops. It's a weird word.
It flops. It it wobbles when I talk. It flops.
No. So I'm looking through these different podcasts. Everything seems to be in order.
Okay, maybe not everything. That one isn't. Wow, there's a lot of ones that need updating.
That's interesting. It's a bit of work for me to do. I don't like work.
But there's a few of these podcasts. So basically, you know, you go on to iTunes or Google Play, you know, if you're Android, and you download an app, a podcast app, which then you can search for whatever podcasts you want to listen to. And all the most popular ones are on all of them really.
I'm trying to think of a popular podcast and it's loads, loads of famous people with podcasts and let me just go. Okay, if I go out of that, like Ted, Ted talks daily. Or no such thing as fish.
I've never, never read it. Never read it. Never listened to it.
But it's always comes up like near the top. And I guess it's probably going to depend on what part of the world you're logging in from. So I guess they they'd aim because there's someone from LBC on LBC radio that probably wouldn't be recommended.
If I was logging in in Mexico or America. Hmm. Okay.
I do think I need to perhaps make another podcast something new. That's just me being I don't know what is it may be in? What's WooPlus? WooPlus is our podcast. WooPlus was a dating app.
It's got love hearts on it. Oh, don't tell me it's some kind of weird pervy app that I've downloaded. And now I'm letting everyone know I've got it.
I'll come out of that anyway. I don't know what it is. It must have been on the phone when I bought it.
Yep. Otter. Otter.
So what's this one? Otter. Transcribe. Transcribe Zoom.
Tell a friend. Oh, you know what I signed up with this this transcription service. Okay.
In fact, this one Otter, I'm getting rid of it because it's not what I thought it was. Signed up for this transcription called Trint. And I think it's the name.
I'm always looking out for anything that's new because I've been searching for years trying to find something online that actually works well, yet to really find it. Like as far as internet services that automatically generate a written transcript from an audio recording. And they do do it, but it's not it never seemed to come out very well.
It might be due to my recordings, it might be the quality or lack of quality. It may be that I mumble too much. I don't speak clearly enough.
I don't know. So it could be a mixture of different things. So I'm not in a position to say it's because Trint are rubbish.
Because I'm sure they're not. It's just they didn't. You know, I was going to pay £60 a month for that service if it worked.
I had a trial for a week. I did one transcript, I was allowed to do three, three transcripts as part of the trial. So I did an hour long transcript.
And it was one of my latest recordings as well. So it's not wasn't one of the older recordings where the quality level, where the volume is really low, or the quality of the sound was not very good. Because the recordings these days, I do think are much clearer, and better volume than I've ever had.
This is, I would say, the Deep Sleep Whisper ones are pretty quiet, but they're supposed to be. But it didn't work didn't Google podcasts, okay. It didn't work for me.
It came out. The first sentence was perfect. The second sentence was pretty good.
The third sentence was still okay. fourth sentence. Not so much.
And it just seemed to go downhill from there. And it sounded like a completely different conversation to anything that I would have been saying. I know I come out with a lot of the Joe Rogan experience.
That's probably the top one on most as far as podcasts go. Okay, so I'm just checking on Google. Google podcasts.
So I put in my name and let me boy this leak comes up. Oh, quite as quite a few different shows coming up. Okay.
So self hypnosis, hypnosis, self help hypnosis, rather. That's all in order. Deep Sleep, Deep Sleep Whisper.
That's all up to date. No, no sleep hypnosis weekly. Sorry, that's up to date.
Deep Sleep Whisper up to date. Hypnosis for sleeping deeply that's up to date. Healing words that's up to date.
Oh God, there's an old one here from 2017. And it's where it's from some something I did and they won't play anything because nothing on there. This won't play either.
It's got a sleep hypnosis weekly. Oh God, it is playing. Listen to this.
This is sleep hypnosis weekly number 7. 27th of November 2018. I can't believe so there's two versions. There's the updated version.
And one from years ago. Jason Newlands podcast, positivity podcast. That's up and running as their chronic pain Tuesday.
Wow. I took that off years ago. This is November 2018.
What if this still plays? Well, it still works. Amazing. You know what this means? This means that some of the stuff that I might have lost over the years may still be.
I was gonna say researchable, but you know, savable, maybe get back, get it back. So I got Jason Newlands podcast here. This is Podomatic.
And this one's the relaxation hypnosis. This is May 2018. Wow.
And I've got the daily relaxation hypnosis for stress, anxiety and panic attacks. This is 2018. This is the original version that I uploaded to Spreaker.
Yeah, 2018. And then. Wow, maybe they've not updated it or did I get rid of it? Wow, no, they haven't updated it.
So it's, it's, it's the relaxation hypnosis. Yeah. But they've not updated it since 2018.
November. Wow. Why is that? I've got to let me bore you to sleep.
June 2018. That's another Spreaker one, short pain relief, hypnosis. Blimey.
Sleep hypnosis weekly. I've got seven episodes. That's what I originally had.
This is Podomatic. It's still playing. Wow.
It is. So that must be what it is. It's Podomatic.
Oh, go away. Stop that. Wow.
So let's have a look at the, I want to see it's Podomatic. That's why. So any of the recordings are on Podomatic.
Okay. They're still there. They're still there.
Wow. And this was November 26, 2018. So they've been shared to Google Podcasts.
But what it means is, from the looks of it, my updated ones are not on there. So relaxations for stress, anxiety, panic, the updated version is not on there. Oh.
Because I used to call it daily relaxation hypnosis for stress, anxiety, and panic attacks. Because I was doing it every day for 34 days. Isn't that strange? Wow.
And where's the Let Me Bore You To Sleep. So I'm gonna relaxation, stress. See if I come up anywhere like that.
No. Anxiety. Relaxation.
No, again, it's the one from November 2018. And only 34 episodes. So that's Google.
So there's there's work for me to do on Google. Damn you. If you scratch my ear.
That's better. Overcast. Let's see what's on here.
So if I click on overcast, see if anything comes up. Yeah, all my podcasts come up. This one.
That's up to date. The other one. Yeah, the relax.
Yeah, it's all up to date. So this one. So I wonder why Google podcast when you consider I would have expected Google podcast to be the most correct one.
It's Google. Google runs the internet. You know, as far as searching for stuff.
Both. You know, searching also on YouTube as well the same. It's like, well, it's Google.
Really surprised. That it doesn't have all of them. Oh, I said, Oh, yeah.
And that one overcast. Perfect. Everything's up to date on overcast.
So let's check on pod bean. This is saving me talking about myself, isn't it? Yeah, let me just check to see if what's his name's replied. No, Ben's not replied.
pod bean. 30. Okay, so I've put my name in here.
123456. All of the old podcasts are coming up. But ones that won't be there anymore.
In fact, stuff that hasn't been on there for years and years and years. That's another problem with podcasts is it's hard to get rid of stuff that's not available anymore. You know, if you stop making a podcast, it seems to stick around like a fart at a wedding, you know, since the horse to see this is up.
This is up to date. 131 plays. Wow.
I'm surprised I'm not a millionaire. Oh, let me boy this late 1284 plays. And all the feet are verified.
Okay. Comments. Very good fell asleep.
That was for the stop smoking session. It's not supposed to make you fall asleep. No comments on that one.
One comment on that. Oh, Nicole. So you have to do with a holes.
I love your show. Listen every night. And it really helps me to helps me a lot.
Thank you very much. That's to number 404. Let me boy to sleep.
Number 404. That was in May. May.
Can't believe it. I'm still doing this. All the way from May, June, July, August, September, October.
And it is the 18th today. So five months ago. Can't believe I'm still at it.
pods. Search pods is any good. pods.
Search for me. Yeah, pods has brought me up. Upgrade to full version, remove ads, unlock all features, support future developments or feature development, pay two pound 99.
It's all right for them to have adverts. And nothing I can do about that, though, unfortunately, is nothing I can do about other people having adverts. Wow.
So they're all these are all organized and perfect. So that's good. So pods is another one you can do.
I've downloaded all of them. They're all on my phone, clogged up my phone. Music downloads.
This is I don't think it is really the same thing as what I want. Oh, no. I am on it.
Well, okay. YouTube, no download. So it's getting my stuff from YouTube.
Oh, okay. So I'll click on one. Constant adverts.
Oh, it's actually showing the video. Okay, that's interesting. We'll leave that because there might be so now I've got anchor that's of no use to me.
Sign up with Apple. Okay. Continue.
Right, okay. No. So let's see if I can discover me.
See if I'm on here. Probably won't be. Because no, I used to be I used to have podcasts on there.
I suppose I could still if I wanted. So I've got podcasts by tuna. No, I should definitely be on here.
Okay, so I should talk a little bit about something other than this. Because this is just boring. Yeah.
So tuna. Yeah, I'm on here. You know what, I look at this and I think, does anybody really listen to me? Because I look at it and I think was just not really huge amounts of statistics there to show that I'm even being listened to.
I told your man yesterday and today, awful stats. It's like I didn't even exist. I mean, you know.
So this one's absolutely fine as well. Oh, wow. So that's Deezer.
Deezer, I'm on there. Podcast one is another one. See if I'm on here.
I got a bit of work to do here. And I don't know if I can really be bothered. Podcast one, I don't know.
It's podcast. So I should be shouldn't I really? Come on, search. Search.
No, nothing. Let me bore. See if it's on there.
Okay. Categories, health and fitness, I suppose. It looks like this is something that's they've not got me on their podcast at all.
Hmm. I think, I think he think he winky pinky that this one is something that they have famous people only on there. It's weird because you know, it's me, isn't it? That's all right.
Tuner radio. So let me search here. Come on, let me search for myself here.
I love the way they come up with little things saying, we may usually collect your information and save it and store it. Is that okay? If you say no, then you don't get to use the podcast. Artists.
Okay, that's the one. Retry. That's weird.
I'm not on here at all. Hypnosis. No, not on here.
Okay. Artist. Nothing.
YouTube. Yeah, I'm on YouTube. But I don't want to search on YouTube.
I don't do that for. Okay. Tuner radio.
So I'm not on there. Podcast plus one. Paste.
So oh yeah, I'm on here. Proper on here. Yeah.
That's nice. They like me. That's all up to date.
All up to date, completely up to date. But you won't get all of the recordings on there. You only get the last 200, 250, maybe 300.
So any of the new any of the old stuff. Tough. You can listen to them on my website.
You just you gotta just keep streaming down or you know, put you know, until you get to the to the lower recordings. I wonder if you can search. Oh, yeah, there you go.
No, it doesn't let you search for stuff. So for example, let me bore you to sleep. There's 537 episodes.
So you literally need to go down unless I search for 20 2045. Let me bore you to sleep. No, nothing.
So yeah, it's a case of just you have to just flick down until you do you find it. I wonder how long it takes. One is a bit quicker to be fair on the website than it is when I'm actually on the Spreaker podcast.
Because I'm now down to 313. Now down to 163. 163 113 88 63 38.
So you see what I mean? It doesn't take long to get down to the early ones. And each the screen allows 1234 nine, nine recordings, and then you just go down a little bit. And you can touch any part of the screen you haven't got just touch the tiny little line on the right hand side.
Unless you press the play button, then I'll play. So yeah, it's pretty good. If you want to know what it's called, just click on the I did this already the other day.
I'm not doing it again. You can't make me. Dexter podcast plus one.
So that works. podster. What that is sounds good.
Yep, I'm on here. podster. And that is all up to date as well.
So that's good. Wow. And this goes all the way down to number one as well.
So this has every single recording which I'm surprised about. 9103 118 130 145 171 188. Wow.
Blimey. So here's one if you want to be able to get hold of every single recording I've done. podster.
So that's good. I'm not sure. Yeah, you can't download it, you can listen to it, you can stream it.
To stream whichever one you want to do. That's good. I like that.
UK radios. There's zero point me having that there. But I think it's really just for me.
Because I like to listen to the radio. I like listening to the radio. Stitcher.
Signing with Facebook. Continue. allows you to use location.
No, go away. I'm actually a member of a lot of these podcasts, because you have to be to submit your own podcasts to them. To these apps.
Well, I'm on this one as well. This is good. Yeah, that's all up to date.
That's good. I don't know how far that goes down, but it's fine. I don't need to.
So this is interesting. Okay, so the podcasts that are on there that are no longer available, which is a few. They don't play.
There's no reason why they would anyway. So that's good. I just wish they could be taken off.
High Cast. So let's see if I can find something here. Yeah, High Cast, I'm on here as well.
So that's all up to date. Last updated Monday, the 19th of October, 2020. 18th of October.
Oh, it is actually Monday morning now. But you know, I started this recording on the Sunday, it's going to be Sunday's recording. So there.
Yeah, so they're all up to date. So that's a good one. High Cast, MB3, Mixerbox.
Oh, wow. Sorry, I just, I don't know, who's that? Oh, that was a letdown. Right, I'll get out of that.
How do I get out? There's a problem with this one is once you're in it, can't seem to get out of it. Genuinely, I'm stuck in the thing. Come on, cancel, get me out.
Get me out. So apparently, I'm in it. But I'm not.
Oh, I'm out of here again. No, I've not searched myself yet, have I? Probably not in it because this looks like it's music. Oh, I am.
I am. I am. I am.
More. So two of my podcasts are on here. Sleep Insomnia, Hypnosis and Hypnosis for Sleeping Deeply.
And they are up to date as well. Oh, cool. Still can't find Apple podcast.
Oh, is this it? Podcast? Very strange. So if I go into the App Store and put in Apple podcasts, podcast. Okay, it comes up Apple podcasts.
And there's a purple, purple kind of box with a white image of a podcast, a microphone and stuff. But it's not allowing me to open it. Certain apps, features or services can't be seen or used when restrictions are on.
To use this app, turn restrictions off. What restrictions? I don't know. Player FM? See Player FM, when I joined Spreaker a few years back, because I was with Spreaker a few times before I settled with them in November 2018.
Before that, they're in in, oh, wait a minute. Was it 2018? Yeah, because I'd already been doing the Let Me Boy To Sleep podcasts. And I think I was doing it on Spreaker previous as well.
And then I started another podcast and, you know, re uploaded them. Because if I can tell you exactly. Yeah.
So I can tell you exactly when they've been uploaded. Right. Okay.
Oh, 28th of March 2018. I'm confused. Mommy, I'm confused.
What on earth? Am I a year out? Am I? I mean, in a way. I've been doing this for so long. I've even forgotten what's the... Looking for Spreaker.
Now normally, I should just be able to find it straight away. But I can't see it. Among all the other icons of the apps.
Come on, Spreaker. There it is. Spreaker Studio.
Podcasts. Let Me Boy To Sleep. Seal.
Okay. I'm still in 2020. Come on.
Come on. Nearly there. Nearly down to number one.
Wow. Okay. 27th of March 2018.
I think... Oh, I know. I know what I did. I know what I did.
Here's what I did. Okay. You ready? I was unable to change the actual dates the stuff was uploaded.
I think that's what I did. Because then it puts it in a... I think it puts it in a certain order. Yeah, that's what it was.
But with the sleep insomnia hypnosis. I didn't need to do that because it was... There was a lot of... When I first... The first recordings I put and uploaded were quite old recordings. So I'm just going down.
Wow. Yeah. Did you know, apparently, the tongue, the muscles in the tongue, the only muscles in the whole body that never ever get tired.
I don't believe that. Okay. Now 2019.
Yeah. 21st of November 2018. So I'm one month off the two year mark where I uploaded all these podcasts.
Yeah, so that's it. That's the thing. 1,952,000.
Blimey. Wow. Let's see what the stats... Detailed stats.
Go on. It's been really, really poor. Sunday.
I've not even hit for Sunday. Okay. Yeah, so... Oh, come on.
So Friday, 5,138. Saturday and Sunday, awful. 3,840 Saturday and so far today, 3,497.
To get under 4,000 in a day is just unheard of. Well, it's not unheard of because it's just happened, but it's very, very rare. Oh dear.
Mind you, I haven't made any recordings for three days really. So that might have something to do with it. Well, I can't believe they're advertising something on telly.
It's a carpet cleaner, but the front of it's dirty. The front of it is actually dirty. Oh, where's my glasses? It is.
It looks worn. Like the metal bit at the front actually looks worn out. But then I've got my reading glasses on, so maybe... Oh, the only thing that could do is clean the kitchen.
It's okay for at the end of the day, cleaning the kitchen, like if you're in an industrial or commercial environment. But if there's a spillage there and then, and you need to clear it up, it's better, you can't be getting a machine out and filling it with water and then going slowly over the patch to get it dry. You just got to do it there and then clean it up very, very quickly.
I mean, to be fair, that looks exactly the same design as my carpet machine. But this one is for like wooden, hard floors. Belgrade or something.
And I looked at the design, it's exactly the same design, maybe not at the bottom of it, the brushes or whatever, but the design of it, water going through, squeeze it and releases the water. And then you let go of the knob and it sucks the water in. And you fill it in, fill the water with some of the liquid stuff, cleaner at the top, and then the bottom collects all the waste water.
I'm looking at it, it's pretty much the same design as the one I've got. Practically identical. 330, no, £139.99. Which, it looks worn already, honestly, it looks damaged underneath.
And dirty. Oh, wait a minute, what if my thing comes off? Yeah, I'm going to have to look at that and have a think. Oh, here's some good news, here's some good news.
It says Mr. Miserable here. I've not been miserable today. I've tried to just, but I've been quite focused, talking.
The thing is, if I get a message from someone, I'll take it seriously. So if someone says to me, oh, the podcast isn't working, or it's, or they're safe. I've had this lots of times with a website.
It's not working on my phone, the website's not working properly. Especially when I was building that podcast that didn't kind of work. I'll spend hours and hours trying to fix it.
And so, getting that message just as I'm starting the recording, telling me that my stuff's all in different order and that. I've gone through lots of different podcast apps. And they all pretty much seem fine.
So, I don't know quite which podcast. I couldn't go on to Apple, Apple Podcasts, simply because my phone won't allow me to. Although my iPad will, but I'm using the iPad to make this recording.
And again, the iPad said, oh, it needs to be updated. You need to back up your stuff. As I said, all right, back it up.
And they said, but you haven't got enough room in your iCloud to do that. Buy two terabytes for £6.99. So, I think that's £6.99 a month. So, oh, great.
So, I'm running out of space. But then, because I do quite a lot of recordings, it adds up, you know, 100 megabytes. You know, 10 of those recordings is a gigabyte.
And you've got 1000 gigabytes makes a terabyte. So, I'm doing hundreds of recordings. So, you know, it does.
And I'm doing different. I've got not just one version, sometimes two versions or three. Because I've got one unedited and one edited.
And I keep the unedited versions as well. So, that's the one where I'm going. Swearing and all that stuff right at the beginning.
And then I edit it out. Oh, the good news. My exercise bike is coming this week.
It is. My exercise bike has been delivered this week. So, when I get it, I'm going to start my exercise routine.
I know you don't believe me, but I'm going to, genuinely. I'll post a picture on Facebook when I get it. Because it's an investment.
It's 300 pound or whatever. And I've got to get it on a catalog. So, I'm not paying for it.
Like right now, you know, I mean, I'm paying for it over the next however many years it takes. With that and everything else I bought. But, I'm going to get fitter.
And I'm going to use it. Provided it's not rubbish. But, you know, for 300 pound, I'd expect, you know, 150 pound or 80, 90, 100 pound for something to be perhaps a bit flimsy.
But still be usable. And this isn't by any means a high level exercise bike. But it was the best I could afford on how much I had left in the account to spend.
So, I've got a maximum of 1700 pound I can spend. And I've maxed it out. Yay.
So, I'm paying 100 pound a month back. But the interest is pretty good. It's not because they want me to buy stuff.
So, they don't hammer me with interest unless I don't pay. And I've always paid. So, the idea is you, they charge more for the product than it would be.
And so, you could probably add another 50, take 50 pound off of that if you bought it in the shops or 40 pound off, you know. So, they're making money from that because they're catering to people like me who don't have the money, don't have the readies. But just because I'm unemployed or got, you know, illness, mental illness or whatever, unable to work, doesn't mean that I should be unfit.
And it doesn't mean that I can't have some kind of a lifestyle. You know, I don't have a social life. I can't, I don't go out to the pubs or to restaurants.
Very few people do these days. But, you know, even before the plague, I was pretty much, you know, didn't really socialise. So, you know, my aim, my aim is to one day have intercourse again.
That's one of my aims. So, losing some weight or make myself fitter may help towards that. I don't like the idea of like never, ever happening again.
That doesn't, doesn't feel right. It doesn't. The other thing, more importantly, I want to be able to walk down the street in April, May, April, whenever the weather starts to get nice again.
So it's only a few months away. I want to be able to walk down the street in a t-shirt. Not one that's really baggy.
So, you know, I'm okay as long as it's not windy. So the wind doesn't blow the t-shirt against my belly to show everyone my pregnant bump. Or it's not really hot.
So I'm all sweaty. So the t-shirt sticks to my belly button. So if I can, you know, I want to be able to go out without that.
So I can go out in a t-shirt. I can't buy a small t-shirt. Even if I lost my belly, I'm too big to wear a small t-shirt.
I'm too big for medium. Too big for extra large size t-shirt, like chest, shoulders, back, whatever. The belly, I'm probably XXX, XXX, XXX, XL XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX belly size.
There is no t-shirt big enough for my belly. You know, it's, there's no size being invented yet.
so I mean luckily my boobs are quite big so I you know I've got some there's there is some muscle there somewhere but you know there's a fair bit of fat in there also but that's what makes them so juicy so that's good so I'm thinking I mean I remember I met someone or dated someone once and she was wearing a big top and I genuinely thought she was big like you know had a big tummy whatever did not care one bit because I liked her and I sort of met her when I was doing
a DJ and I was dancing with her and stuff I just assumed because of the way the top was that she was I don't want to use the word big I don't like saying saying that when I'm talking about other people really I make fun of myself being fat I don't generally feel that way about other people because that's you know I find it funny about myself because I haven't always been like this and I shouldn't be it's not my natural state my natural state is to be big bigger than I was so I filled
out as I got older but a lot of that was just muscular and well fat as well I guess you know let's not kid ourselves but the belly bit the belly bit is not me but it is me yeah it is me but I've lost it a times the belly and it keeps finding me again so yeah I just I want to be able to walk down the street in a t-shirt and feel comfortable that's kind of what I'm saying yeah but I miss this this lady and so I went to hold her by the
waist we were dancing like slow dancing I don't really do any other kind of anything really everything slowed me apart from when it counts and I held her by the waist and it literally took me so I started where I'm not really a grabber you know like just it's it and she was holding me I think she was holding me in a headlock I think so I went from where the clothes started and it took me three hours to get to where her actual waist was seriously because there's this big gap like where's your tummy?
I had to say at one point excuse me do you have a waist do you actually have a tummy because I can't find it she said oh that's because of my boobs it's I'm wearing this top on if I die and it's everyone thinks I'm really big because of the because of the clothes I wear because you know I can't find anything that fits my top but I said it's okay I accept you for how you are I accept you if you happen to have it look we've all we've all got our problems and none
of us are perfect now the fact that you happen to be top-heavy with a really tiny small body you know but big testicles then I'll accept you because I really like you a lot and I will over I'm sure I can overcome that particular obstacle and she said are you sure I said yeah I can but that's what I've been like except it's the opposite way around so it looks like the rest of my body is really big when it's just my belly so it actually looks when a t-shirt on it it pushes the material
out so it looks like I've got this all this huge upper body when it's not it's just my waist so I had a similar thing I remember my last girlfriend she was sort of easing into my boobs and kind of she said do you have any boobs where do you have a chest I said yeah yeah and like oh but she had to go further in because my belly was so sticking out because of the t-shirt was distorting the what the heck am I talking about I don't know I really don't know but the point
is I've got my the point the point is I've got me exercise bike and I'm gonna get fitter and I like to lie to myself by saying I don't care about my weight firstly the first I say generally is you know as long as I'm fit I don't care about my weight well I care about the belly okay I care about the fat I don't want the fat anymore not as much as I've got I don't the novelty's worn off and it's brilliant to start with being able to jump in the sea you know in
the middle of the winter swim out and spend time with the seals you know they took me in as one of their own but the thing is I don't want that anymore but I don't care about my weight as far as the weight goes so I'm let's say a hundred kilos I'm probably heavier now but let's just say a hundred kilos that's like the lightest I'd be if I'd lost weight then wow but I haven't that's guaranteed I know that for a fact I've not lost weight since the last weighed myself but I don't feel
like heavy really much heavier so let's say a hundred kilos which isn't that heavy really and I'd be happy to stay a hundred kilos but with my with a slimmer belly or with a slim belly because over the next few months I'm going to be putting muscle on the first of all I'm going to be putting muscle on my legs with the with the cycling machine thing I've also started doing other exercises I'll be doing weights and I'm going to be doing sit-ups and press-ups push-ups press-ups so I'm going to be putting muscle on as
well as hopefully losing fat so I might end up the same way I might even end up heavier than I am now but I will be in better shape and you know because I've been stimulating my muscles you know I think someone once said we keep going on about how muscly you are I talk more about how fat I am than anything else probably than anybody else on the planet you know I never pretend that I look good never have really but I have looked good in the past at times physically well how can you
look good any other way what I mean is not facially it's not a lot I can do with this old mug I've got that's you know the most I can hope really is I meet someone that has poor vision that's that's the ideal situation for me and and hopefully they're not fussy and they don't care about having someone with a nice personality to be their boyfriend no then I'm okay so you know what I feel like doing oh wow every now and then I fall in love with ladies on adverts that's weird I just have
just now and now she's gone ideal world or something she was anyway and I can't remember what I was gonna say he was gonna say something oh yeah I thought about doing a video and taking a picture of myself every day between whenever I get the exercise bike that day onwards so let's say you know sort of and do so that November December January February March April so six months 50 year old does loses becomes muscly in six months and just take a picture every day and turn that into a video it's been done before
it's not original but I've not done it and I don't know if I would have the confidence to do that even at the end of it when I'm slimmer more muscly looking you know way way way way better than I do now without any clothes on I'll have boxer shorts on I wouldn't be naked good but I still feel embarrassed I think to actually show how I used to look which is how I look now so what I thought I might do is lose loads of weight actually an easier way to do it was to
get fit first isn't it really and then just start eating loads and take a picture yourself every day after that and then just say this is how I used to look and just reverse it or as you do that as a video and say I'll get myself really sort of slimmer muscly just so I look okay maybe get myself waxed just for the picture so I look good one would it be nice to have one when I'm not talking to you sort of for yourself but for me I'd like to have one good picture of
myself where I looked good now in the past when I did manage to get my body nice I didn't take my pictures didn't do stuff like that back then didn't have picture phones didn't picture videos or anything like that on mobile phones did have cameras they did exist by then you know I'm not that old but I didn't have anyone to take a picture of me can't just walk in and walk up to someone in the supermarket can you excuse me you don't suppose you'd mind taking a picture of me do you just want to
sort of feel I've been really working out hard and it's taken ages to get the get my body into shape I just like to you know for prosperity for posterity get get the picture done and if they say yes well could you just wait a sec while I get me clothes off you know posing near the vegetables it's just no so I don't know if I'd feel very comfortable and even once I was a bit of a hairy not like a gorilla hairy not like proper hairy but I just yeah I think what I'll do
is I'll once it's done I'll go to a salon you know never done that before just go and say look can you get rid of all my hair on my body and then maybe if you know because this is gonna be like a one of the highlights of my life if I can get myself looking good at 50 and I haven't managed to do it the last time I managed to really get myself looking good was 10 years ago or 11 years ago when I was doing boxing and I had a boxing bag you know
punch bag in the garden and I was doing weights in the evenings as well as well as boxing twice a week gym that boxing gym and in them days I was a lot lighter as well I couldn't have been more than I was probably at least two stone lighter than I am now whatever that is 14 pounds 28 pounds lighter not sure what that is in kilos is kilos is it one pound to what 2.
5 kilos is one pound no one kilo is 2. 5 pounds I think yeah yeah I think 2. 1 kilo is 2.
5 pounds I think so if I can again I'm not that bothered about the weight but it kind of makes sense it would be quite good to weigh myself every single day so I can put it underneath the weight difference each day of the year each day that I do it for let's say six months and then you think that November December January February March and then April I can walk around in t-shirts November December January February March April and then May June July August yeah so maybe April as well don't unveil me me bits
me bits me flappy skin I'm not going to lose weight like that I won't be I'm lucky I don't have to that's the lucky thing I've got I do I definitely do need to reduce my fat that's a fact a fatty fact but I don't need to lose weight of a huge amount because I'm not that heavy you know if I was 20 stone especially at my height and my age I'd be I think I'd be in a very be in trouble you know and if I lost five stone or six or seven stone in
a few months I would probably have a lot of loose skin and stuff but because I do it I'll be doing it gradually there's no hurry and I don't know I guess I might have stretch marks but I never did before and I've lost weight before by you know working out never did it through diet was all through working out I still ate exactly exactly what I wanted and whether it was Taekwondo boxing or Wing Chun Kung Fu always lost weight always did always had done whenever I've exercised and I swear so much proper sweat
like on a level of I don't know I was I can't remember I dated this lady once and then we broke up and then she was bitter towards me for some reason and I met up with her by accident and she was jogging down the seafront and I was just being nice to her saying oh you're I said yeah I said girl how come you're not sweating perhaps I should that perhaps wasn't a good thing but I said you've been running how long you see I've been running for 35 years I said no I mean
in this in one go she said oh about half an hour I said how come you're not sweating and she said because I'm healthy I said what she said no healthy people don't sweat she was a nurse right now I thought nurses are supposed to have knowledge to come out with something like that yeah only unhealthy people sweat when they run and when they go jogging you might say okay someone running a hundred foot for a bus and if they're panting and sweating and yeah could be a very good sign that they're not very healthy
but if you've been running for half an hour and you're not sweating I think that's a sign of not being very healthy and she didn't like that answer I said to her like yes we do you supposed you know you're talking about so have you never watched the Olympic Games so you're telling me these athletes that are sweating all of them pretty much that they're all unhealthy you're telling me the boxers that are sweating right from the word go they're unhealthy I think it was kind of she's trying to have a go at me because
I wasn't sweating what she didn't realize that just be inside no because I was sweating that's it I said she was having she was trying to be rude to me because I was sweating it's a summer's day I mean I was just like you think my forehead's bad you should see this my underpants it's like a little lake a swamp and it's like I'm sweating it's normal to sweat I used to sweat when I was a kid and I'm not a profuse sweater I just add that I'm not I think I'm average when I exercise
I sweat a lot when I don't exercise I'm kind of average when I get hot I sweat when I've had a hot bath in the summer and I get out of the hot bath and then I sit down my body doesn't know that I've got out of bath it's just keeps producing water that's normal it's normal sometimes I walk around in snow and I can walk around without any clothes on because my body's just red hot all over because I have so such a high temperature and I I can melt my way through icebergs just
by put my hand on that's normal she was a nurse she should know that Taylor's sweatiest person ever not not the sweatiest person the sweatiest performer as a comedian Lee Evans I was gonna say and Pavarotti Pavarotti was but you know different reasons I guess I know Lee Evans is slim and but he sweats it's you know he's he's retired now he doesn't do stand-up comedy anymore he was doing tours he's one of the most successful comedians touring comedians in this country's history hugely successful hardly ever on television sold loads of DVDs millions of DVDs
and stuff but didn't really go on television much did a few movies as well in America for those that don't know who he is there's something about Mary the film he played the friend who was on crutches who had an English accent and then at the end had an American accent and ended up being like the pizza delivery boy or something in reality and he was pretending to be I think like a professor and there's a bit in there when he's getting dressed or he's doing something while he's still on the crutches now if that's
the only thing you've ever seen him in I'm just saying that because you might I don't know if he was well known in America in England he was famous but if you haven't ever seen his stand-up comedy then I would suggest just going on to YouTube and checking him out and probably my suggestion it's just my personal opinion is find his earliest DVD so if I'm gonna look it up now because he when he first started he was unlike what he still he still remained unlike anyone else but he I mean not always but I
think quite often the first stand-up specials there's something special about the first one I don't know if that makes sense but Lee Evans first stand-up okay so in fact if you just put in hmm Wow his manager died 2013 I didn't realize that Addison Cresswell is very famous promoter so Lee Evans now 56 can't believe it mind you I can't believe that I'm 32 and he basically his Roadrunner tour grossed 12.
9 million that's just one of his tours it just gives you an idea how he filmed by his producers okay ladies something about Mary well damn you damn different planet tour okay 2008 Evans big tour DVD big of the 2002 2014 anyway just if you just search Lee Evans on YouTube let me do that Lee Evans Lee Evans first stand-up okay so it is you might struggle to find yeah you're not gonna find probably a full-length show because they're actually selling it on YouTube on DVD oh no I found one Roadrunner live at the O2
Lee Evans don't try this at home that's available yeah so it's quite a few 2005 it's if you could find I mean I don't know which ones what years whatever the the ones were but I'm just seeing if it is the whole thing oh it's it's the album rather than seeing him on stage but see how look I mean you might enjoy listening to the album but watch him he's a physical comedian it's a phys you know listening you only get in 20% of the comedy because he's so physical here with his you could say
he's kind of it's not really a good connection you know but our Jim Carrey but they're very different but you know from a physical comedy perspective yeah so I would really if you haven't ever seen him on stage you're never gonna get a chance to see him live but you can see one of his stand-up shows you can probably you might be able to get them on Netflix as well I don't know don't know don't know don't know don't know don't know or Amazon even but give it go give it go man yeah but he
did this years I mean it's obviously a long time ago bit about 91 I think it was maybe 92 he did a it was like an encore end to what his show but he was it wasn't his shows at a comedy store and he was the head headliner and which is the last you know the last act of the night the main act and he would he did this bit he'd never done it before cuz I went up to him afterwards and I said that was amazing and he said yeah just it's a I was
testing it out for the first time and it was a tribute to Queen and it was basically Bohemian Rhapsody and Freddie Mercury it was a tribute to him and it was brilliant it's really good so another thing you could put in in YouTube Lee Evans Bohemian Rhapsody and it should come up you should be able to see him do that yeah anyway I don't know why I'm promoting that because you might not be interested and you might be asleep so if you are asleep I want you to grasp your mind around the idea that tomorrow
is gonna be a brilliant day you can have a great day tomorrow you're gonna feel so positive and you're gonna notice that other people seem a lot friendlier than normal and as the day goes by you start to realize it's because of your own positive expectations because of how positive you're feeling and that energy is being shared and project projecting ahead of you so not only is your day improving you're also improving other people's days as well you make another people's day happier and whenever you hear my voice no matter what I hear whatever I
say whatever I do whatever I talk about remember that underneath it is a positive energy even if I'm talking about something silly it's not supposed to be taken seriously it's just me being silly for the sake of being silly but sleeping is so much easier for you now as you listen to my voice you'll notice that you sleep so much easier when you hear my voice and just thinking about me can cause you to feel more positive or relaxed more determined to enjoy the day ahead to enjoy being you because you deserve to be happy
so be kind to yourself and do something nice for yourself take care lots of love bye
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.