[00:00:01] Hello and welcome to JasonNewland.com My name is Jason Newland This is Let Me Bore You to Sleep Please only listen when you can Safely close your eyes Today is Monday the 30th

[00:00:33] of June to zero zero round out ofラse jves jves jsss vimy jves jves jves jves jves jves jves jves jves jves jves この jves

[00:01:06] jves jves I left early. So I got a lift with another neighbour who took me to the hospital after dropping off his wife and kid at school and work. And I got there, I left here at half seven.

[00:01:34] Got there about quarter past eight a.m. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I'm not sure when I left. I left about one, I think. I'm not exactly sure. So I was home.

[00:02:04] I think I was home by two o'clock. I took Vinnie into the garden to do wee-wees. But it's too hot outside for him to go out properly. So I'm not going to, you won't be going out until probably six, seven, six, something like that.

[00:02:33] Because it's just a bit too hot. He did have a nice WALK this morning, which was about half an hour out. He was out for about half an hour. But I think because it was so early in the morning, I mean, we did wake up about, I don't know, 20 to four.

[00:03:01] Because we did, we went to bed about half eight last night. And woke up about 20 to four. And so we got up. I got up and had my breakfast. He got up as well. He went for a walk about half six till, yeah.

[00:03:28] It was about 25 to seven till about five past seven. And then I had a shower. So I got back, had a shower. Yeah.

[00:03:51] And then pretty much had about three minutes to get prepared to go downstairs and get a lift. So it all worked out okay. Potentially, potentially, I was maybe moving a bit too fast.

[00:04:21] Because normally, you know, I'm not, I'm not necessarily set to a timer. So I found that I was making slightly more noise than usual. When I was, I was probably attempting to make less noise.

[00:04:50] I find that the try, the more I try to make less noise, the more noise I tend to make. So if I'm in the, if I'm going to say I'm in the kitchen and I'm trying to wash up really quietly, because it's early in the morning and I don't want to disturb, you know, the neighbours. That's when I start dropping stuff in the sink. It's weird. Isn't that strange? Isn't it strange?

[00:05:20] So, yeah. I just want to say thank you to everyone that's sent their well wishes for my neighbour. That's very kind of you. And I do appreciate your support. He, so I'll give you the update. I know this is going to be Monday's Boring Objects. I'm going to talk about hospitals.

[00:05:50] But none of it is going to be medical or anything like that, okay? So it was a little bit, but it's not really going to be. It's not, it's all going to be, um, tasteful, if that's the right word. I'll try and keep everything tasteful. Apart from some of my jokes, maybe. I don't know.

[00:06:29] What? Yeah. Hospitals is going to be, and maybe I've even done that before, but I'm doing it again. Doing it again. So I will talk about my experiences in hospitals, including being in hospital twice myself. Also going to hospital a few times for different things. And visiting people in hospital. The first time I did hypnosis with someone in hospital.

[00:07:00] Yeah. So this had a few little instances along the way. Visiting my nan in hospital. Blimey, that was a, that was a journey. And that took me about five hours, six hours to get there. And then when I get there, I'm told that it's closing time. Or, yeah, kind of, uh, that wasn't good.

[00:07:30] So, uh, the update on my neighbor is two things, really. His next door neighbor, his current next door neighbor that's in the bed next to him, is leaving tomorrow. So he won't be there. And they're close. They're really close.

[00:08:00] They've been together for a week. And you can see there's a, it's almost like a brotherly kind of thing going on there. It's nice. Um, there's, there's 10, this bloke's probably 10 years younger than him. I mean, I think he's about 66. Just kind of in the middle between me and my neighbor. My neighbor's 78 on Friday, I think, this week.

[00:08:28] The other neighbor, this Friday, Thursday, Wednesday, Thursday, whatever. I'm 54. He's 66. And everyone's 60, 68. So, he's kind of midway between us. And you can see there's a playfulness between them.

[00:08:59] I did discover something quite interesting about my neighbor today. From his neighbor. His new neighbor. Now, my neighbor can't stop talking. But he literally can't stop talking. He just talks, talks, talks. Apparently, he talks when he's asleep. He doesn't even stop talking when he's asleep. So, I don't know what.

[00:09:28] And this, okay. I don't. I was talking to the nurses. About him talking. Because I was laughing about it. And they can't believe. I don't think they've ever met anyone that talks as much as him. They thought it was due to his condition. And I said, no. He's been like that since I've known him. For 10 years. I'm not saying that he's not affected by his condition. You know.

[00:09:57] I don't want to get in the way of any kind of medical intervention that might help. But yeah. They laughed. They said, really? I said, yeah. There's always been a chatterbox. But then I'm a chatterbox. And I do see myself in him. That sounds wrong, doesn't it? But I, you know, I see myself. I tell you, I think part of the reason.

[00:10:25] It's not a conscious thing. But I think part of the reason why I. I've helped him over the period. The time I've been there. And continue to do so. I try and help anyway. I'm not sure how helpful I am. It's because I see. It's almost like I'm looking at him. And that's me in 25 years time. Or 23 years time.

[00:10:54] 26 years time. Wait a minute. 54. 54, 64, 74. I'll be 75. I'll be 78. That's 23 years. Anyway, something like that. So, you know, 23 years. You know, in some ways. Oh, it's a long time away. Is it?

[00:11:24] Is it though? It is for someone who's 10. It is for someone who's 20. It is for someone who's 30. Maybe someone who's 40. But it doesn't seem that far away now. I mean, for someone who's 20. If you say, oh, in 25 years. Don't look at you like, really?

[00:11:52] I'll be an old age pensioner in 25 years. Or if you say that to a 20 year old. In 25 years. Like. Yeah. I remember when I was a kid. Okay, when I was a kid. When I was a younger man. In my 20s. Even. My. Up to my mid 20s. I remember thinking. I'm like genuinely. Thinking.

[00:12:22] If someone said, oh. You got something wrong on your leg. You're going to have to have it removed in 20 years time. I wouldn't even care. It's like 20 years. That's a lifetime away. I don't care about 20 years away. Now, if someone said that now. It'd be like. That's like telling me. Before Christmas. By the end of this year.

[00:12:51] You're going to have that. That's how close it seems almost. Because it goes so quickly. So quickly. I mean 25 years ago. Or 23 years ago even. I was working in a call centre. In Churchill Insurance. And I felt old then. I felt old then. I think part of the reason was because. I was working with.

[00:13:22] When nearly everybody there was younger than me. By a lot. So. You know. I was 31. 32. There was people there in their early 20s. Some even in their late teens. And quite a few of them treated me like I was old. Like really old. I mean. There was this. Female. I think she was probably about 20.

[00:13:51] And she was in my team. She's quite new. And she. Oh my God. What was that? I think. We just finished the shift. So I get my phone out of my pocket. I'm just going to. Look at it. See if I had any texts or anything. And she starts laughing. She says. Oh. Oh. I didn't think you'd have a modern phone. Because it was a. A small phone. It's like. Really? What did you think?

[00:14:19] I'd have some kind of big satellite phone. Or. Bring out. Put out an egg cup. With a bit of string attached. To it. You're like. What did you think I was going to use? It's a phone. It's just. It's weird. It's weird. Your neighbour using something. Something. Something up to date.

[00:14:46] And now as I get older. I'm thinking. I was selling mobile phone contracts. 40. 24 years ago. So my neighbour downstairs. Wasn't even live. When I was selling mobile phone contracts. My neighbour downstairs. Wasn't even alive.

[00:15:17] When. I was working at Churchill. I mean she was. Yeah she wasn't alive. She wasn't even alive. When I just. When I'd finished working at Churchill. In fact. My neighbour downstairs. Was born.

[00:15:47] A year before I started making recordings online. Because I've been doing it 19 years. She's 20. She's 20. It's unbelievable. A fully formed human being. With her whole lifetime of experiences. At the same time as me. Sitting here. Well not sitting here necessarily. But. Making. Weird audios.

[00:16:16] And videos. It's beyond measure. I find it very confusing. I really do. And to make it worse. She's probably. 30 times more mature than I am. As a person. Like now. Not when. When I was her age. I was like a. What 20.

[00:16:46] I was. I was. I was a child. Mentally. I was a child. I can just hear. Like voices. All men are children. When they're entering their age. No men. All never grow up. Sure. Stop it. This is about love. This is a. This is a. A gentle. Loving place. Come on. Come on. Can't we just get along. Eh. Eh. Eh. Anyway. My neighbour. Eh. He talks. In his sleep. I didn't know that.

[00:17:16] I tried to explain that to. His neighbour. I said well. We don't sleep together. And. Ah. I made a mistake. I said the wrong thing earlier. I've got a habit of doing this. Just generally in life. I'm talking to one of the nurses. And I'm just asking some questions. And we're just chatting. I said. Oh you've got lovely eyes. I didn't mean anything by it. And. And she punched me. No she didn't. I said you've got lovely eyes.

[00:17:45] I said oh sorry about that. And we carried on talking. Um. Apparently it was distracting her. Changing the catheter. But. She didn't know I was behind the curtain. But it's. And I thought. Oh. I'm a bit. I might have. See. I didn't care about myself. Embarrassing myself. I. It's. It's. It's quite hard for me to embarrass myself these days. Although something did happen later on. That was a bit embarrassed. And.

[00:18:14] It involved a toilet. I'll tell you that in a minute. Um. Anyway. It started to bug me. I'm thinking. She's at work. And this is someone that. I've gotten quite well with. David last week. Really nice. Very friendly. We have a laugh in that. And I thought. That's. That's. That was just. It was not on. I can't be. It's. You know. It's one thing. If I was.

[00:18:45] Even. Even if I was. I don't know. Just paying someone a compliment. It's probably not the thing to do anymore. It used to be kind of okay when I was younger. In my. In my day. You know. In the. 17th century. But. And I thought. No. That's just. Can I apologize since I said it? And. So I thought. You know what.

[00:19:14] What I'll do. Is. When. There's no one else around. I'll just apologize to us. So I did. I said look. And then I. What I thought I'd do. Okay. Is. I'd apologize. But. As part of me wanted to. I don't know. It's just. It's just. It's the cheeky.

[00:19:43] Cheeky little monkey inside of me. So this is what I said to her. I said. I just. I just want to apologize earlier. If I was inappropriate. When I said that you got a lovely smile. And she said. Oh don't worry about it. And she. And she said. Honestly. I said no. It was unprofessional of me. And she laughed. And so. Now I'm thinking. When she left. Did she notice. I said something different.

[00:20:13] Because before I said. She had lovely eyes. And I said. Lovely smile. And I thought. Oh. That's wrong. I shouldn't. By the way. Again. Before I go. I just want to say. Say sorry for saying. That you got a really perky bum. I shouldn't. No. I didn't tell her. I just. I didn't. I actually didn't say goodbye to her. Because. Didn't see her. When I left.

[00:20:43] But I'm wondering. If she. If she noticed. That I said something different. Is. It just popped out of my mouth. It's a little bit like. I don't know. It's a bit like watching my. My nan try to eat. More than one boiled sweet at a time. One always seemed to pop out. One always fell on the floor. No. I didn't. I don't know why I'm saying that. Leave my nan alone.

[00:21:13] Blimey. It's like seeing a. A hamster. Try and eat a gobstopper. Anyone seen it? Everyone know what a gobstopper is? There is. Oh my body's so sensitive. I'm just stroking my chest. I've got a little. It's a spot actually. I thought it was a nipple. I thought. Oh no. Not a fifth nipple. So yeah. I. He's alright.

[00:21:44] But he had. He had this. Body scan. Like a big old. Body scan. On Friday morning. Morning. Like you know. Early hours. Before nine o'clock. On Friday morning. And he still hasn't had. The. Results. And I hung around. Hoping that he would get the results. Before I left. But by half a.

[00:22:14] I think it was. By about one o'clock. Still no one had come in to see him. And. He was eating his. Dinner. So I just left him. I. I went downstairs to get him. Some stuff from the shop. And then I just came home. Home. So I'll. Give him a call tomorrow. I'm not going to go. Every single day this week. Because. I don't think I can. I can't financially do it. But. It's not just that. I could get a bus.

[00:22:45] It's just a journey. I couldn't. You know. I got. I got a taxi back today. I just couldn't face. Getting on a bus. And. Two journeys. And standing out in that sun. And. Ooh. So yeah. I just got. Got the taxi back. And then I'm in the taxi. Just. Talking. About. Technology. And. Just some. You know. Whatever. And just as I. We pull up.

[00:23:15] Outside me house. I notice he's got a camera. There's a little. Not only a camera. But there's a little screen. It's showing me and him together. There's one thing having a camera. It's fine. I've never seen myself. On a little screen like that. And I said. I don't know. It's. It. It was. A little bit annoying. I think. I felt a little bit. Uh. Trash to pass upon.

[00:23:47] Because if I knew I'd been filmed. I think there's one thing being filmed. Without sound. Because. You know. You need to be filmed. If what you're doing. You know. I guess that's okay. But. I didn't really want my conversation. Recorded. I don't know. It felt a little bit. Intrusive. A little bit. A little bit. You know. And I. I mean. I've been in places.

[00:24:16] I've been in taxis. And cars. Where there's a camera. I just. I don't take much notice of it. But I've never been anywhere. Before. Where there's actually a screen. That shows you. Yourself being recorded. It made it more real. And there's a reason. I don't. Film myself anymore. Because I don't like being on camera. Which is a shame. Because my YouTube channel. Is going completely to. Nothing really. Even though. Every recording I do. Is uploaded onto YouTube.

[00:24:47] It's. I'm losing subscribers. I don't know why that's funny. But. It's. Yeah. It's weird. I thought it would be quite handy. To have it as a. As a separate. Yeah. It's like as another place. To. Listen to the podcast. But. YouTube doesn't seem to. Agree.

[00:25:17] Agree. Agree. Yeah. So it's Monday. Monday. And that's it. I don't think there's anything else. Going on. With the hospital visits. They. Went there. I found out my other neighbor. Because I knew. He used to be in a band. He was quite. One of the.

[00:25:46] I don't want to say originators. But he's one of the originators. Of the psychedelic movement. In this country. It started in America. But he. He built a group. And he was in. A lot of. He worked with a lot of. Really famous people. In the 60s. When the psychedelic movement. Was around. Which would be. I don't know. Probably late 60s. Maybe early 70s. Late 60s. Yeah. Late 60s.

[00:26:16] Because I know the Beatles. Were influenced by the psychedelic movement. In. In 66. 67. 68. Something like that. And. He's literally. He's in London. Recording an album. You know. He's still. And he's. He's over 80. I think now. And he's still going. And. He's. He knows loads of people. But to him. It's not.

[00:26:47] They're not famous people. They're just people that he's known for. 60 years. And. It's weird. He said something. Just off. And this is. By the way. This is somebody that does not brag. That's the thing about it. He's not a bragger. I'm a bragger. I just don't have anything to brag about. That's why you don't really hear me bragging. Because. There's nothing to brag about. He's got loads to brag about. And he doesn't.

[00:27:16] But he will ask. He will answer questions. And. Not all questions. But. He will. You know. If I ask him stuff. And he said. The only Beatle member that he didn't meet. Was Paul McCartney. He met the other three. And I said to him. Okay. Well. You know the next question I'm going to ask. And he said. What's that? How did I get my name? I said. No.

[00:27:46] Because he's got. I won't tell you. You'll be able to look it up. Because he's on a Wikipedia page. He's not. He was well known. But he's not kind of like. Famous. Famous. In a sense of. Possibly anyone. Under the age of 70s. Is. Will have heard of. Possibly. Like. I mean. As in. The period of time. That he was. Well known. Was the 70s. Late 60s. And 70s. And.

[00:28:17] But he worked on. Albums. With a lot of famous artists. Over. A long period of time. So I'm bragging about him. But he doesn't brag. I wonder if he brags about me. So I'm bragging about him. Telling people. One of my neighbours. Used to be in. Like famous bands. And stuff. In the 60s and 70s. And. I know him. Do you think he's saying. The same kind of thing about me. Yeah I've got a neighbour. He's.

[00:28:48] He's got a dog. What else is there to say. Yeah he's got a dog. What else. You know. He's quite a nice bloke. You want to be trapped. At a lift with him. Because he was just. Talk a lot of rubbish. But other than that. Hmm.

[00:29:18] Yeah. He was saying something about. He was. He was at this. Gig. What was it? The Byrds. The Byrds. Were playing. This one of the Byrds. Were up like huge. The band called The Byrds. B-Y-R-D-S. I do believe. And they were at a. Small club in London. And. All. All the names. Went to this club. On this occasion. Because they wanted to see them. In concert. So.

[00:29:47] My neighbour went along. And. It was. Jam packed. He was telling me this. This morning. Because I was asking him about. Because I said to him. No. What was John Lennon like? And he said. Exactly the same as you'd think. Because at that time. That's when he was in The Beatles. And he said. Sarcastic. Funny. Full of energy. And.

[00:30:17] And he just was. Kind of what you saw. On TV. You know. He obviously could be serious as well. But great sense of humour. And yeah. And he said. Basically. My neighbour said. He got into this club. It was so. Jam packed. I don't know if it was. Johnny Scott's. Or whatever it is. One of those big places. And.

[00:30:46] He ended up. I think it was. One of the. I think Pink Floyd's. Manager. Was there. And knew him. And called him over. And invited him to go and sit on the table. With John Lennon. And he ended up sitting between. Between. Pink Floyd's manager. And John Lennon's wife. At that time. And John Lennon's wife. Was sitting next to John Lennon.

[00:31:17] So he was literally just. He'd never met John Lennon. And to be fair. There was no one more famous in the world. Of entertainment at that time. Than the Beatles. So. Even. He was in. I imagine he was in awe. Of being in him. You got chatting to him and stuff. But. In that situation. You probably just be like an ordinary person. Really.

[00:31:46] Because you can't treat someone like they're. A superstar. Otherwise. They're probably not going to want to talk to you. I'm guessing. In fact. I find that way. I find that in the past. When I. When I. When I act like a superstar. People don't like to talk to me. Actually. Just generally. People don't like to talk to me. Apart from the people that do.

[00:32:15] They're the ones that worry me though. You know the people that want to sit down. And actually. Oh. Tell me more Jason. I'm like. Oh. I'm not sure if I do want to. I'm a bit worried. Oh. Yeah. He's. So my neighbours. That's a different neighbour. So the neighbour in hospital. He's just waiting for his tests. And. It was weird. Because today.

[00:32:44] He started asking me questions. About myself. Now. I was expecting him. To. Use this. As an excuse. To start to talk about sport. Which is. What he sometimes does. He. He asks questions. And then. It can lead him on to. Talk about something. He wants to talk about. Or maybe there was a subject. That he wanted to talk about. And he was trying to get me there. By.

[00:33:14] Drawing me in. You know. By pretending to be interested. In what I. Used to do. But he seemed. Genuinely interested. And he was asking me about. The comedy. About. Doing stand up comedy. In London. Because I think. I must have mentioned to him. At some point. And. He was asking me about. People that I'd met. I think. Yeah. Because I think I was telling him.

[00:33:43] About the neighbour. What I just told you. I was telling him about that. And he started asking me. About me. About me. And saying. And who did you meet. I said. In London. You haven't met any. Any famous people. I said. He said specifically. Famous comedians. When I was on the comedy circuit. Because I used to. Be involved in comedy. For about. 10 years. Or 20 years really. But 10 years. Solidly. And.

[00:34:14] He said. That he kept. He had follow-up questions. Where did I go? How much was a gig. That people. How much did people pay to get in? I felt a little bit like. He was trying to catch me out. Like I was just lying. Singing. And he was trying to. Find out. If I was just telling porcupines. But the thing is. Why. I'd have to be a bit silly. To lie about my failures. Wouldn't I? Because I did. I wasn't successful. I never made out. I was successful.

[00:34:44] Ever. I had some good gigs. I had a few. Really. Really. Brilliant gigs. But. Not many. And a few average gigs. But not many. No. I would say. Probably. If you're going to go. By audience response. Or the. The. The comedy promoter's response. Or the comedy club. Promoter. Percentage wise.

[00:35:16] I would say. If you broke it up. Into. Good. I'll leave good. And really good. In the same category. So good. Okay. Not really good. Not okay. Bad. And. Ungood. So okay. Would be. A few laughs. Okay.

[00:35:46] Would be. Where. They didn't. The promoter. Didn't get kicked out. Of the club. And told. They were going to. Be able to. Allowed. To have another night. There. Of comedy. Because of what I'd said. So that would be. An okay gig. But not necessarily. A good gig. For me. A bad gig. I had lots of those. Especially in the first. Couple of years. The first year. I don't think. I was even aware. That they were bad. I was.

[00:36:17] I wasn't the most. Don't know. I don't know. What's this got to do with hospitals? Well. This conversation. Occurred in a hospital. So it is still part of the. The boring objects. Monday's boring objects. Hey. Day. Day. And. Percentage wise. I would say.

[00:36:47] Probably. I worked out. I think a bit about. I did about. I worked out once. I did about. 250 gigs. 250. 250 performances. Over the period. Period. And things. Did start to slow down. Once I got to. 1995. And I went through periods. When I didn't do any. Comedy at all. For months and months.

[00:37:17] So. 1994. A lot of this was to do with. Accommodation. Jobs. Jobs. Situations. Where. You know. I was. I just couldn't. Either I was not interested. Or. I didn't have the money. To get to gigs anyway. So I didn't bother. Because there was some gigs. I could just turn up at. Like. A talent contest. That was. Every Thursday. Or.

[00:37:47] Every Wednesday. Or every other Thursday. You know. I think it was. Downstairs at a king's head. Was once a month. On a Thursday. I do believe. And at the Comedy Cafe. Every Wednesday. There was. A new act night. Which I performed there. A lot. Many. Many. Many times. Pretty much. Every Wednesday. For most of 1991. Yeah.

[00:38:16] It's true. Wow. And. Quite a few. 92. Quite a few. 93. 94. 95. 95. Some 96. 97. And 98. So yeah. I performed there. Over. An eight year period. But less and less. As the years went by. In 1996. I was a security guard.

[00:38:49] And. I. Couldn't do any gigs at all. Because I was doing weird shifts. And. You know what. This is strange. I don't think. I performed on stage. I might be wrong.

[00:39:20] I might be wrong. But I'm not sure. If I performed on stage. The whole of 1996. So I'm thinking. At the beginning of the year. I was homeless. And then. I managed to find somewhere. To live. I might have gone and done. A few gigs. At the beginning of the year. Possibly. And then I got the security job. In around. March. 1996. And I had that security job.

[00:39:50] All the way. Till the summer. 1997. Till about probably. June. Maybe July. June time. Maybe May. June. 1997. So I had that. I worked for that security company. The whole time. And I was doing night shifts. Weekends. It was almost impossible. For me to. Plan.

[00:40:20] To do gigs. Because most of the gigs I did. Were free. You know. Nearly every. Nearly all my gigs. Were just ones that I'd do for. For nothing. I'd do an open spot. Or turn up at the comedy cafe. On a Wednesday night. So I'm sure I probably did a couple. During that period. But I didn't do much in 96. That was really the tail end. Of my. Comedy. Non-career. As it were.

[00:40:50] But that was also. At the time when I was. I was getting better. I was able to. Be more topical. And I found that I was. I'm not saying that I was good. But I was better. Than before. And by talking about topical things. It was. I don't know. It just.

[00:41:19] Sometimes you don't even have to be particularly funny. I found. By. Just saying something. A bit silly. About. Something that's really. Big in the news. It's just like a silly line. Sometimes get a little. Might just get a little smirk. Or something. But. That was still better than what I was used to getting. I didn't seem to be making anyone angry. That was. That was the good thing. And.

[00:41:49] Nineteen. So. Ninety seven. From the summer. Ninety seven. To the end of. End of ninety seven. I did do a few gigs. Yeah. I did. I went. I did. And went to a few gigs as well. So. I performed a bit more. At the latter. Part of ninety seven. Because I was back involved in comedy again. So. I did. Yeah. On a.

[00:42:19] Probably. Never at the weekend. Because I was busy. At the weekends. But on a. On a Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Night. I'd probably end up going to gigs. Whether to just watch my friends. Who are other comedians performing. Or. To perform myself. Ones I could just turn up at. And they'd let me on. So that was pretty cool. And. Then in ninety eight. January.

[00:42:53] I just did my very last gig ever. I didn't realize it was my last gig. But it was the last performance. And. Yeah. I've just heard him go. Hmm. He started barking then. Because someone sneezing in the garden. Or. Well. It was outside this building. Well. It might be in the building. But outside. Where I live. It was just a little sneeze. And. And. He's like.

[00:43:26] So yeah. I. Why. Oh yeah. Because. Because my neighbor. In hospital. He's just asking me all these questions. Oh. And. And. I was thinking. What's the catch. How's he going to lead on to. Talking about football. Sport. And. Yeah. He seemed almost. Almost. Interested. In what I was saying.

[00:43:56] Huh. Weird. So. Because he's. He's absolutely. He's fanatic. He's a fanatic. About sport. Sport. I mean. On a level. That I've never seen before. Loves. Sport. Oh. What I did do. Is. Because he was saying. He didn't want the TV on. And they got these TVs. Not like the. Some of the NHS TVs. Are not.

[00:44:26] Great quality. Screens. And they're the ones. At the side of the bed. And you have to pay. Five pound a day. To have it. These TVs. Are free to use. And they're decent TVs. TVs. And his one was unplugged. And the person next to him. Had his TV on the whole time. Now I didn't realise. How good this. The screen was. The picture. Because I'd never looked at. The other bloke's TV. And I said to.

[00:44:56] My neighbour. In hospital. I said. I'm saying that. That he's in hospital. Because I've. Talked about. A few different neighbours. I want you to know. Who I'm talking. About. Who I'm gossiping about. I said to him. You know. Wimbledon's starting today. And he starts talking about Wimbledon. And. I said. Well why don't you watch it. No. No. I'm happy with my tablet. I said. You've got. Good.

[00:45:26] You've got television up there. On a big screen. Well. Compared to his little tablet. It's a big screen. Um. It's not. They're not. They're not big TVs. But probably. 24 inches. Or I don't know. 30 inches. Or something. They're not. They're not little. But they're not. You know. Big. A nice size. If you're in a. Really small room. And. And it's up. It's kind of. I think it's. It's.

[00:45:56] I wonder if they could be moved down. I'm going to ask that. I don't. Maybe they can be. I would need it moved down. For me. Because with my eyesight in that. I'd need it closer. And. It was unplugged. So between me and his neighbour next to him. We got. I got the TV plugged in. Because he said. Oh. It's not working. I said. And then we had to find. Remote control. And nurse went and got remote control. That he could use.

[00:46:26] Which was exactly the same. As a remote control. I've got here. In my hand. And you might be thinking. Why are you. Why have you got a remote control. A TV remote control. In your hand. It's because I just picked it up. That's why. It's just there. To the left. I've not had a remote control. In my hand. The whole time. I've been talking. That would be strange. It might not be strange. I've had a can of whipped cream though.

[00:46:56] Yeah. So. He said. To me. I said to him. And then he said to me. Then I said to him. So I plugged it in. Turned it on. We got the TV on to. It was. Brr. It was. A political program. On BBC Two. And then. The live coverage. Of. Wimbledon. Starting. At. I think. 11.30. In the morning.

[00:47:26] And once it started. He started to be. Distracted by it. And I thought. Yeah. Yeah. This is good. Because. Once football's on. Or rugby. Or cricket. He's now got a distraction. And it's kind of funny. Because we were talking. And it was. It was a women's. Tennis match.

[00:47:55] And it was just grunting. It was like. Ah. Ah. Ah. And it was. I don't know. I just found it quite funny. Because it seemed a little bit. Inappropriate. For. Well. For where we were. Just to hear. Yeah. I kept thinking. I forgot the TV was on. So I've been going in there for. However long. And the TV's never been on. So. Any sounds like that. I'm used to hearing. Maybe it's from a different.

[00:48:25] Ward. Because there's. There's six different wards. On that ward. That makes sense. So. Yeah. It's a ward. But there's six different rooms. With four beds. In each. And then there's a couple of other kind of. Single. Rooms. Which I'm thinking might be private. Perhaps. I don't know. Yeah.

[00:48:54] I'm not sure. So. He. It was weird. I don't know what other people must have thought. If they'd have heard all that grunting coming out. Of the TV. Or out of our ward. I think they're also single sex wards. So the men. There's women in. In that. Big ward. That he's in. But not in his particular ward. Does this make sense?

[00:49:23] It seems to be too many wards. I'm using the word ward. Too often. Four wards. Six wards in one ward. Huh. But yeah. It's um. I've not been in the other wards. But I have. Actually. I went in one. By accident. And that was all females. And I thought. Well it looks like my neighbour. But it wasn't.

[00:49:53] Do you ever get that? Where you see someone. And you just think. Oh. And it's not the person. But you try to adapt. So. Adapt. You know. Scrunch your face up a little bit. And close your eyes. Half. Half. So. It makes them look a bit more like the person. That you think they should look like. No. Okay. And then I left.

[00:50:23] So. I spent. Probably. Four and a half. Five hours with him. I don't know if I left at. Half one. Or maybe it was one. I don't know. I'm not sure. I think it was. He didn't eat his fish and chips. They're still on the side. No one's noticed. They're still on the side of his bed. Like on his bed. Side. Cabinet thing.

[00:50:53] And it's going to start stinking at some point. Isn't that fish? It's been there since Friday. No one's noticed. You're going to start noticing. There's going to be cats. Why is there so many cats in the ward? Where are they coming from? Why are they coming in there? They'll all be climbing up. To the windows. On a big ladder. A cat ladder. Is there such a thing as a cat ladder? I suppose they could all just climb on each other's backs. And make a big heap.

[00:51:23] I don't know if that's possible. Oh. You know what I forgot to do today? I was going to ask somebody. If I'm able to take Vinny with me. To see my neighbour. Because he keeps asking about him. And he wants to see him. And another person who walks their dog. Told me. That sometimes the hospital does allow. Depending on the patient's situation.

[00:51:52] They do allow hospital visits with a dog. But in a specific part of the hospital. So he'd have to go to that part of the hospital. And I'd have to take Vinny there. And he could sort of spend time with him. The alternative is if he comes outside. I know I could take Vinny outside. The grounds of the hospital. And he could come downstairs. But. He can't really.

[00:52:22] I don't know how to explain this. But. He doesn't. Seem to. The mobility he had a week ago. Doesn't seem to be there. For some reason. You know. Before. I think he's been going downhill a little bit. Just. I think it's his age maybe. But. The week before he went in hospital. He was walking around. Every day. Going to the petrol station.

[00:52:52] Taking strides. You know. He wasn't like. Now he's walking. One foot next to another. Next to the other. Want to take him outside. I couldn't take him outside today. Because I was waiting for the doctor. And the other day we went out. And the doctor came while we were out. So. It was. Not ideal. But he's. Really. Walking. Very very slowly. And. At times. Holding on to me.

[00:53:23] So I don't know. It might be a confidence thing. It might just. He might have a similar thing to me. Where. It's. There's too many people. He's not used to that. He's not used to be. Walking down a. A hallway. With. Let's face it. Thousands of people. Coming and going. And. You know. And everyone's walking. In different angles. Different directions.

[00:53:51] People walking directly at you. And. Trolleys. And. You know. People on gurneys. And. Deliveries. And. All kinds of stuff. No parachutes. And. No elephants. But you know. I'm not saying everything's in the hallway. But it's quite a lot of stuff. So I don't know how much of it is that. But.

[00:54:22] He doesn't go downstairs on his own. He doesn't go. He doesn't go to the shop on his own. Which. A week ago. He would have done. Before he went in there. He would have just. You know. If he was visiting someone. Let's say if he was visiting me. And I said. Oh I need a bottle of coke. Or. Can you get me some cheese. Which is what he wanted today. Can you get me. Something from the. From the shop. He would have said. Yeah okay.

[00:54:52] And he'd have gone down. And got it for me. So yeah. There's a. That's a difference. That I've noticed. And he's not talking as loudly. As he used to. He's. He's still talking non-stop. But it's. A much quieter talk. Because I can't hear him sometimes. I kind of have to get. Closer to him. And then he just goes. Boo. In my ear. Makes me jump.

[00:55:23] Yeah. So. I was going to do some washing today. Some laundry. What did I say to him? I said something. I've got to do some laundry today. He said. He thought I said something else. What sounds like laundry?

[00:55:53] No he thought I said law degree. So I need to start. I need to do some law. Do some laundry. And he said. Oh when are you starting that? I said what? I said. This afternoon. He said. I said. I said. Yeah. He said like. Well I didn't know why he was so interested in me doing my laundry.

[00:56:24] Because. I'll be honest. Now I'll break this to you. I don't. I don't want to come across as being. Ungrateful or negative. But. I don't get a huge kick from doing the laundry. It doesn't give me the. It doesn't give me everything I hoped. I hoped out of life. You know. It's. But at the same time. It's a hell of a lot easier than going to the laundrette. Which is what I did for. Most of my adult life.

[00:56:53] Well since the age of 16. So I do appreciate not going to the laundrette. And if I didn't have a washing machine. I would do my washing by hand. I'm never going to the laundrette again. Especially as the. Yeah. The local laundrette. Well there isn't one. So the closest laundrette is about. Six miles away. Six and a half miles away. So yeah. I'm not going there. No.

[00:57:22] I used to. Because I used to live across the road from there. Even then it was a. It was a struggle. I still used to do. I used to watch my stuff by hand sometimes then. I just couldn't face. Going over there. I guess I didn't have the same relationship with her. The laundrette ladies. I did with the laundrette lady in Stratford. In London. Although I did end up being friends with her. There's.

[00:57:50] There's two ways it can go. I've found. With someone. That washes your underpants. Okay. On a regular basis. So. The relationship. The relationship is probably. In some ways. The most intimate relationship. I have ever had. With. A female. Is something very.

[00:58:21] There's a lot of. Unsaid stuff. You know. It's like an understanding. I. I. No amount of money. No amount of money. That I gave. My laundrette ladies. For. Was. My clothes. Was. Compensation enough. For what they had to go through. Is. You know. For. For handling my. Washing. My.

[00:58:51] Underpants. Or whatever. So I realized that. And. I've always realized that. Right from an early age. I thought. Yeah. It's a job I wouldn't. Particularly want to do. Out of. I've had some really. Grotty jobs. And I don't. It's just something. I don't think I'd really. I feel I'd rather. I'd rather work. Down. The. The. Sewers. I think. That do that.

[00:59:21] It's just. Yeah. It's. So I had. But the difference is. Instead of like. It's not looking down. At someone doing a job. It's. It's. Admiration. That's how I feel. I admire someone who can do something like that. Something that. I don't think I could do. And it's just because it would just. It. It's. I don't have the rights. Um.

[00:59:52] There's a certain skill set. That I just don't have. To do something like that. To do that kind of work. So I've got a lot of admiration. I do admire people that can do things that I can't do. Which means I admire probably most of the people in the world. Because I can't really do too much. I can talk absolute rubbish for an hour. I'm quite good at watching television.

[01:00:21] That's about it. Really. I ain't got much else to me. It's. It's. That's my skill. My skill. Is. Just talking. Absolute. Wobbly bobbly. For. Whatever. You know. An hour. Hour and a half. I've been talking for an hour. I've not even. Got onto the subject of. Boring hospital stories.

[01:00:50] Apart from. I guess this last hour being boring. I can't stop talking. What's going on? By the way. I don't. I don't want this podcast to turn into. Me. Talking about hospitals the whole time. That's. That is not my intention. So if. If you feel that's. Happening. Let me know. But. Over the years.

[01:01:20] What you may have noticed. If you've been following me for a while. Is. I do. Talk about what's going on in my life. As well as. Making up a lot of just silly stuff. This. So this is one of those occasions where I'm. I'm kind of intertwining. Reality. And. Stupidity. I guess. Instead of being mainly stupidity.

[01:01:50] So I try and mix it up. A little bit. Just to. Just a little bit. And. Yeah. I said. I guess. Because I didn't do. Did. Did I do recording yesterday? I think I did. Didn't I? I think I did.

[01:02:19] Didn't do one Saturday. Did a Q&A Friday. I think. Yesterday. Yesterday. By the way. You might be able to hear some background music. Sorry about that. But it's summer. It's summer. Everyone's got their windows open. Rightly so. And. You know what? Yesterday. I was. I've made a recording in the afternoon. And I could hear. The neighbours shouting.

[01:02:49] As I was doing the editing. And I thought. Wow. If you can hear that on this microphone. Then. That just shows you. How loud it was. Because they're. Not in my garden. In a different garden. Over a fence. Just shows you. How loud it was. But it didn't seem to be. Continuous.

[01:03:20] That was just a particular. Like that. I mean. I think I just made more sense. Than. The person who was shouting. But yeah. Kind of. So I've been in hospital. Twice. Oh. Now we start the recording. An hour into it. We're going to start now. Are we? Wow. Okay. Calm down. I've been in hospital.

[01:03:51] I had my adenoids out. When I was. Seven. I was about eight. I think it was. Either just before I was eight. Or just after. I think it was just before. I was eight years old. Now. The reason. I had my adenoids out. Is because. I was partially deaf. Let me have a drink of water.

[01:04:30] Yeah. So. It's basically just started. It started with. Ugh. So I was in junior school. And I. I started having to go to. The nurse. So I was getting earaches. And. Progressively. It was kind of. Becoming really. Really regular. I don't know how much. I was skiving. If I'm honest with you.

[01:04:59] I might have just liked the nurse. I don't know. I can't remember. But. I think I might have told her. She had nice eyes. It's possible. This inappropriateness. Started many. Very. Very young. I said. Ooh. Uh. Yeah. I had my. I didn't know what was going on. And. And then I started going to the.

[01:05:29] I guess. Sent to the doctors. Then I got sent to the hospital. And they started testing my ears. And. To see what was wrong with my ears. And. They started testing my ears. As in. Not just looking through them. And stuff. Through. Through them. I mean through them. But. Into them. With those little. Eye things. That they do. They started to give me hearing tests.

[01:05:59] And. I was partially deaf. In one ear. Now. They said. That explains. Why. I'm so behind a skull. And it's really weird. I seem to be the only one. That was surprised. At that statement. I didn't know. I was behind a skull. I said. Look. It's. How do you know? I'm behind. I'm. What?

[01:06:29] Fin is staring at me. What are you staring at me for? What are you staring at your daddy for? I think he's just happy to have me home. Home. I spent the whole weekend with him. Yeah. This weekend. And. It was boring. But. He seemed so much happier to have me here. He was cuddled up to me. Weren't you? You were happy to have your daddy back. Wasn't you? For a couple of days. And I'm here tomorrow as well. So I'm going to spend all day with him tomorrow.

[01:06:59] And. Then I'll go on Wednesday for a bit. Visit. And then Thursday. I'll have all day with my little baby again. On Thursday. Won't I? Yeah. Then I'll go up to visit uncle. No. Uncle. Sausages. That's what Vinny calls him. Uncle Sausages. Sausages. Because he gives him sausages. And I will. Then. Have the weekend off again. So I'm not going to go up at the weekends. And I'm going to go on Monday.

[01:07:29] Wednesday. Friday. Yeah. Depending of course. On my heart. Upon the situation. You know. If he called me up and said. Could you please come tomorrow? I'd go. There's. There's not an issue with that. But. Generally. I told him I'd be there. Wednesday. I'll call him tomorrow. See how he is. But if he needed me. To go up. Then I would go up. I mean. If he needed me to go up now. I'd go up now. You know. I'd go back.

[01:07:59] So it's not. That ain't no problem. You know. I've told him my phone's on. Anytime. If he needs to call me. Which he did over the weekend. And. I'm kind of his. I would say lifeline. That's very dramatic. But I'm his. I'm someone that he can just contact. If he. If he just wants to. Just update me on stuff. You know. Even if it's.

[01:08:29] I mean. He phoned me up yesterday. To talk about Jaws. The movie. And him and his neighbour. In there. They were having like a little quiz. Quizzy game. Talking about movies. And. They were trying to remember the. The main character. That the actual actors. In Jaws. So you had. Robert Shaw. David. Snyder. I forget.

[01:08:58] What his first name is. And. I've lost his name again. I did remember it. He was in. Uh. Do do do do do. That movie. Something of the. Close encounters of the third kind. So. It's those three that were in that movie. They were just the stars. And. Snyder. Who.

[01:09:28] What was his first name? But Robert Shaw was the. He was a cap'n. The cap'n. Of the. Of the. The boat. And. What's his name? Do do do do do. That. That bloke. He was. Also in it. Is it. Snyder. That says. Need to get a bigger boat. I think. That was a good line in it.

[01:09:58] Need to get a bigger boat. There was a. A movie. Called. The perfect storm. And I think this is in the 2000s. And. It was basically a really big storm. That's basically what's around. A boat. In a storm. A really big boat. In a really. What. Bigger storm. And. I remember. Seeing the.

[01:10:29] Trailer. For this movie. On television. And in a trailer. This is when it was like being released at the cinema. In the trailer. It was a bloke from. A beautiful mind. What's his name? And gladiator. So he was the star of this movie. In the trailer. There's a part. Where there's this massive wave coming. And. Gladiator. Beautiful mind man.

[01:10:59] Shouts out. Hold on. At that point. I thought. I'm never going to watch that movie. If that's going to be the hook word. Hold on. If that's the best they can do. In a situation like that. Just shout. Hold on. Then no. I'm not going to watch it. Sorry. If that. If that's the level of dialogue. I just. I don't know why. It just. But there again.

[01:11:29] I had the same. I had the same opinion about gladiator. I thought. I'm not watching this. But it was a great movie. I found it to be a great movie. I need to be specific. Don't I? I mean it was classed as a great movie. By the critics. And by the audience members. But I can only really go by. What I found. And it was.

[01:11:59] I partly watched gladiator 2. But I made this error. Because I got this little. Walking machine. It's really. Cheap. Nasty. From Amazon. I got it about a year and a half ago. But it's really. It's. It doesn't feel safe. Even walking on it. Like a treadmill. But it's really.

[01:12:28] Tacky. And. I'm a little bit worried about the carpet underneath. Seriously. But I thought. You know what? I'm going to give it a go. So I started watching gladiator. And I thought. I'm only going to walk. And I walked on it for about an hour. No. Half an hour maybe. So I said. I'm only going to walk on it. When I watch gladiator. Actually that's not what I thought. I thought. I'm never going to walk on it again. Because it's rubbish.

[01:13:00] No. I didn't feel. I didn't feel. I did feel like I was actually. Touching the carpet. Which is not supposed to happen. And I was a bit concerned about my neighbour downstairs. Because she did see me a few days later. And. She said. Were you dancing upstairs? I said. No. She said. You were doing something. Because the whole flat was shaking. I said. No.

[01:13:29] I don't even live there anymore. She said. What? I said. I do live there. I don't know why I said that. But yeah. It wasn't me. She said. Who else would it be? I said. I don't know. Pigeons maybe? In the loft? Pigeons often. Are naughty. In the loft. She said. How would the pigeons in the loft affect my flat? When your whole flat is in between me and the loft?

[01:14:00] I said. I don't have the answers to every question. You know. I'm not. I'm not a thesaurus. She said. A thesaurus? A thesaurus? I said. Yeah. A thesaurus. She said. Well. If you're trying to say thesaurus. That doesn't have the answers to any questions. That's just. Descriptions of words. And various different versions of the same word. Really?

[01:14:31] And I said. Yeah. She said. It didn't make sense. I said. You don't make sense. Yeah. It was one of the better conversations I've had this year. Actually. But then. I didn't go back on the. Treadmill. If you want to call it that. So I've not. And it's weird. Because I want to watch the rest of the movie. But every time I go to like. Watch it. I think.

[01:15:01] No. I need to. I need to get on the treadmill to watch that. How strange. Isn't it? Eh? Isn't that a weird one? So. I was having my ears tested. And they said. Yeah. I was partly. I don't even know which ear it was. Right ear or left ear. Couldn't even tell you. Such a long time ago. I knew at the time. And it said. Yeah. You're.

[01:15:32] You're partially deaf in one ear. Which explains. Why. You're. Well. They didn't tell that. It's. My parents said that to me. It's why I'm so behind at school. So they. First of all. They blamed. Why I was so behind at school. On the fact that. I moved around so much. As a little kid. So I never stayed in any school. For a very long. Period of time. So. Pretty much taught myself to read.

[01:16:02] And my writing wasn't up to much. At the age of seven. But. You know. I did. I picked it up. And I loved reading. So. I definitely wasn't. I wasn't behind. I personally wouldn't say that I was behind. In reading. Writing. Whether I understood. What I was reading. I said. It's still an issue now. I'm not sure how much I understand. But. I.

[01:16:32] And writing. I learned to do. Joined up writing. When I was about. Nine. Nine or ten. That's when I learned to start doing. Joined up writing. And. Writing was okay. I was okay with writing. Writing. I didn't necessarily. Understand. All the. The.

[01:17:02] Like apostrophes. And. Commas. And stuff. I understood. Full stops. Made sense. So I wasn't necessarily. Grammatically. Correct. But I did. As far as writing goes. But reading. Reading. Yeah. Reading was something that I just. Adored. I. I loved reading. And. Something happened the other day.

[01:17:32] I was watching a YouTube channel. A YouTube video. And it was about the Wizard of Oz. Now. I'd forgotten. Or I didn't know. But I think I did previously. I think I did previously know. But I think I'd forgotten it. The Wizard of Oz. Books. There was a lot of books. Like. A lot. And the bloke who wrote. The Wizard of Oz. Wrote lots of books. About Oz. And the different characters in Oz.

[01:18:01] Now. This is a memory. That I'm not sure if it's true or not. But I'm pretty certain. I read most of those books. Because I would get a book like that. And I'd read it overnight. Or. Over a couple of days. Because I was just. It was almost like. It's like being really thirsty. And. Drinking a lot. Of water. That was almost. A bit like that for me. When I was reading.

[01:18:30] And I just thought. Oh. More. More. More. More. I loved it. And when I talk about it. It makes me hard. No. It makes me. Not horny. It makes me. Make. I didn't mean to say that. It makes me kind of. Damp. No. Not damp. It makes me kind of want to do it. That's what I mean. It makes me want to kind of. Get my juices going. Again. That probably sounds wrong. To get a book.

[01:19:00] And I'm not even talking about. Factual books. Which is something that I've focused on for. Most of my adult life. Really. I'd like to get back to. Maybe reading some. What do you call it? Fiction. I guess. Yeah. Storybooks. And I'm perhaps not. Most. Supposed to call them storybooks.

[01:19:30] But that's what they are. Isn't it? It's a story. Story. I'd like to get back to that. And. Maybe. I did think about. Writing my own. Romantic novel. But do it in my own. You know. Do it in my own little way. And I did do. Oh. I did this recording. I think it was a video. Or it might have been an audio.

[01:20:00] And I posted it online. And. A few. This is back when I was. Fairly. Doing quite well on YouTube. It got quite. Quite a positive response. But I lost it. I lost. I lost the recording. Somewhere along the line. But it was quite funny. And it was just a story of. Me. A romantic encounter. On a train. And I was just saying.

[01:20:29] All the wrong things. And it was. But this is. I mean. We're talking like. 2012. I think I did this. Recording. And. Yeah. Well. I wish I had it. Just so I could have a little listen. I also did a recording. Based on Andre talking. And it was a whole recording of him. Just making fun of me.

[01:20:58] I think I lost that as well. So that would have been. That would be good to be able to listen to. Lost a lot of recordings over the years. A good few hundred. Videos and recordings. Audio recordings I've lost. Some. That were potentially. Not too awful. Potentially. I reckon over the 19 years. I've been doing these.

[01:21:29] Things. There must be. I've got to have at least a handful. Of decent recordings. Ones that are just. Good. There's got to be. There's got to be a few little gems there. Surely. Even if it was accidental. So. The. The doctor. Regarding my hearing. Said. Well it's. It's going to be. Pretty much.

[01:21:58] One of two things. And. Either. I was born that way. So I've always been. Past your death. In one ear. Or. I'd had an accident. And banged my head. When I was a kid. Little. Which did happen. But I think it happens. For a lot of kids. Doesn't it. But. I remember I fell down. Some concrete steps once. When I was about. Five. Four. Five. And. Yeah. Health and safety.

[01:22:28] Wasn't really a thing. Back then. In the 70s. So. Yeah. I did take a. Yeah. Definitely had a few. Bashes on the head. Over. My childhood. But I might also. Have been born like this. I don't know. So. What they did. Is. They. It was. It's basically. Just a blockage. So my adenoids. Were blocking. Or causing. A blockage. In one of my ears.

[01:23:01] Maybe both my ears. But I think it was one. So they took my adenoids out. When I was. I was either eight. Or just before I was eight. My biggest memory of that. Two things. First of all. I had me teddy bear with me. Which was nice. Loved my little teddy bear. And. I might have called him Teddy. And you might think. Oh that's original. Ooh.

[01:23:31] Teddy. Like. Okay. Well. My granddad was called Teddy. And my uncle was called Edward. So. Both of their. Because. In this country. Ted. Is. Um. Another name for Edward. And Eddie. Is another name for Edward. So my granddad was called Ted. And my uncle was called Eddie. But they were both called Edward. And I called my teddy. Ted.

[01:24:00] Or Teddy. Probably after my granddad. Probably. Maybe I called him Ted. But. Oh I wouldn't dare call my granddad Ted. No. He was granddad. He didn't play those games. Ooh. No. He would have. I. There was that. And the other thing. Is. It's. I had Bovril for the first time. Which was a bad idea.

[01:24:31] Because that was the last drink of the day. And I think that was just before I had the operation. So I wasn't allowed any more. Water or anything. Any food or anything. And it was Bovril. Which meant. Meant out to me. It was just like having a. A mouth of mud. Mouthful of mud. Liquid mud. It was. It wasn't my thing. Bovril wasn't my. It's kind of like liquid marmite. I would say. It's a yeast extract drink. And.

[01:25:02] I wasn't pleased with that. It wasn't a good decision. But I remember. It's really weird. Because bearing in mind. It's such a long time ago now. I remember the. Because I was in a ward. Can you hear that? I'll wait until it stops. And I'll start talking again. So. I just remember this. The. I don't think there was. Anyone else. In the ward. Maybe one other person.

[01:25:31] There was a children's ward. I think. But it was grim. It was. Like. Underground. No windows. It was. Yeah. It wasn't a nice ward. It was in a really. Old hospital. That I think got shut down. Um. Because it was. It'd been there since the. Civil war. I think. And. Um. The one. In France. And. I. I thought.

[01:26:01] So. The. The lady came down. With this. Trolley. Full of different things. Tea. Coffees. Cocoa. Uh. Bovril. Water. Juice. Juice. Probably. Um. I don't know if there'd be any fizzy drinks. Probably not. But just that kind of stuff. Ahorlix. And. No coffee. I don't think they had coffee.

[01:26:30] For kids back then. They didn't want me running around. Or whizzing. Being excited. And I couldn't make my mind up. This has been an issue. I had. All through my childhood. And. Still. Today. I. Struggled to make my mind up. About anything. I really. I mean. It was an issue. More for other people than me.

[01:27:00] It was annoying for me. Well. It was. Frustrating for me. It was. I suppose it got really annoying for other people. You know. If we was in a. If we were ordering food. Or. You know. Things like that. Choosing a video to watch. Even up to. The last time. I went into blockbusters. Which would have been. Um. True.

[01:27:31] When did blockbusters. Shut down. So over 10 years ago. In it. 12 years ago. So the last time I went into blockbusters. And every other time. And every other time that I went into any video shop. I would spend. An absolute. An absolute. An absolute. Trying to decide which video. To get.

[01:28:00] Unless I went there for a specific thing. So. If I went there for the new season. Of the Sopranos box set. Then. It was quite simple. I'd get that. But if I was. Or if I. If there was a particular. Movie. Um. But outside of that. I would be there for ages. And I did the same thing. As a kid.

[01:28:29] I'd spend probably hours. I'm not even joking. I'd be. I'd go. And look at the back cover. Of every single video. Now in blockbusters. That's not. You don't. You know. Things were in cases. Weren't they. The blockbuster cases. But in the original. Video shops. Well at least where I lived. All the videos. Were still in the video case. With. You know. The picture of the movie.

[01:28:59] On the front. Who was in the movie. On the back. The. The. Synopsis of the movie. Plus the videotape. Was in there. So everything was kind of there. So I'd go through. Every video. Looking for something that. Peaked my. Um. Peekiness. And got my juices going. Made me moist.

[01:29:29] I don't know. Whatever. Just got me. Got me excited. And. It would take. Forever. Honestly. I'd be in there. For. An hour and a half. And. None of these shops were big. By the way. They were. Jam packed. But they. Like with videos. And I only did this. When there's no one else around. So. I wouldn't do this. If it was busy. If there was a lot of other customers.

[01:30:00] It was. You know. And they all got to know me. Because I. I think. Um. One of the. The owner. The owner of the video shop. Once said to me. Um. Do you. What did he say? He said something like. Oh. By the way. Just let you know. You're going to be getting a pay rise. Uh. Next month. And I said.

[01:30:29] What? He said. Oh. And he just like. He laughed. So. I forgot you don't work here. Do you? I was there so often. He thought I worked there. He was the boss. He was the owner. They had no staff. It was a family run business. They lived there. I mean. Once. I was there. He. He started moaning. He got so used to me. He. Once he. He started moaning.

[01:30:59] He was moaning. He said. Jason. Can you please. Um. Stop leaving dirty dishes in the sink. Could you wash up after yourself. I said. I don't live with you. You're not my dad. What. What. What's going on. And. He just forgot. He thought I was actually one of his kids. Because I was always there. Looking at the videos. Now technically.

[01:31:28] That would have been a really good job for me. Because not only. Was I. An avid video watcher. Show. I knew where all the videos were. I knew where all the titles were. So. If you just said to me. Oh. Have you got the big boss. You know. Bruce Lee's movie. Or have you got. Um. I don't know. Anything like a Disney movie. Or have you got. I could say yes or no.

[01:31:57] Because I knew what was on the shelves. I was always. It's really weird. I just knew where everything was. I was. Because I was in there nearly every day. Looking. For the next video. And that's what I did. And it was so cheap. It was probably like 50 pence. 40 pence or something. To rent a video out. For one day. And so I'd get. At times.

[01:32:26] I would be in there every day. Especially during the holidays. Oh. Such a nice. I like those times. With blockbusters. It was more. A weekly thing. Because I was working. And. It'd be probably. Like a lot of people would. I guess do. Go on a Friday evening.

[01:32:54] Or Saturday evening. And just rent out. Like maybe two or three videos. For the weekend. And bring them back on a Monday. So yeah. I lived just up the road from. Yeah. I did lift up. Just up the road from. The video shop. Yeah. It's actually.

[01:33:25] Two different places I lived. Just. The next place was just around the corner. The other place was. A lot further away. But the place before that was. And it wasn't. Far. Probably. 15 minute walk. So it wasn't far. Really. I used to love it though. I used to love getting. Videos out.

[01:33:54] It's strange how things have changed. Because now. Because of all the streaming. I mean. Blockbusters closed down. In this country anyway. I don't know if there's video shops elsewhere. But. I don't think video shops exist anymore. Or DVD shops. They still sell DVDs. I think. But it's. Streaming. But the thing is. What I noticed. What I noticed. With the streaming.

[01:34:25] Companies. The channels. Is. They don't keep the same stuff on there. They tend to take stuff off. Even Netflix. Doesn't keep the same stuff on there forever. They'll have stuff. And then they'll take it off. I don't know why I repeat myself then. And that is. Slightly disappointing. To myself. Because. Because. Because.

[01:34:55] Because. Because of the wonderful thing he does. I'm thinking of what. Maybe reading all of the Wizard of Oz books. Maybe getting them all and just reading them. I mean that would be the point of reading them isn't it. I'd have to get them first. And. I was also thinking about writing a book. Not a Wizard of Oz book.

[01:35:23] But I did wonder sometimes. The idea of creating a new world. Now. It's been done of course. Well by lots of people. But. More famously. What's the name? What's it? Harry Potter. You've got the Wizard of Oz. You've got Narnia. You've got Discworld. You've got the.

[01:35:59] Tolkien. Whatever. My Ring. My Precious. That thing. The Hobbit. Or that kind of world. So. I do think. You know. I thought about making a world up. But that's. It looks like. It looks like a lot of effort. And. Remember on all the different characters. characters. I don't know.

[01:36:28] I thought. I did think maybe introducing some new characters to my podcasts. Or perhaps having a guest. A guest come in and like a. You know. A different personality. Come and talk. Once a week. Or maybe Vinnie doing a show. I don't know.

[01:36:59] When I had my appendix out. When I was about 12. That was brilliant. I loved that. Loved everything about that. There was a few moments when I was embarrassed. There was one particular time. When. I. A. All I wanted to do. Is. I don't know why. I didn't just go over there. But I think at this point. I wasn't really supposed to leave my bed. Because. It was just after the op.

[01:37:27] So they didn't want me putting pressure on the stitches and stuff. And. But I thought. Okay. I've got a way around this. So I put my hand up. I said. Miss. And. I actually got up. And I started walking towards the hallway. Because that's where there was a box of comics. And I wanted to have a look at the comics. To see what was in there. I think there was like X-Men comics and stuff like that.

[01:37:58] And the nurse said. Where are you going? I said. I'm just going to go to the toilet. She said. No. Turn around. You know. You're not allowed to walk around. Until the stitches are. You know. A bit more. Cemented. And. I said. Okay. So I go just to get back in bed. She said. No. No. If you just. If you can just stand there. And. She pulled out this.

[01:38:33] I actually thought they were hats. But they're not hats. Like a cardboard hat. And. She. Yeah. She pulled one of them out. Yeah. Apparently. I did. I thought people were laughing. Because. They. Enjoyed my dancing. My comedy routine. Apparently. It's because. That's not what they were for. So she got me to. She said. Well now. Just do. Do wee wees. In.

[01:39:03] I don't know. She said those words. When I was 12. So I don't know. If that was. The right thing. But anyway. At this point. At this junction in my life. I was. A teenager. I was getting on to being a teenager. I was self-conscious about my body. I also had a huge interest in. The ladies. In females. At this time.

[01:39:32] Especially older women. Loved. Yeah. They had no interest in me. I was interested in them. And there was a particular nurse there. Called Nurse Nichols. That I. Was in love with. I've been in love many times. Especially when I was a kid. Constantly in love with women. Yeah. But anyway. I don't think it was Nurse Nichols.

[01:40:02] But it's a different nurse. Another. They were all nice. But she came. Like friendly I mean. She came over. And she said. Just do it in here. I said. It's okay. He said. No it's fine. I'll hold it. This is the. The cardboard thing. I mean. And it was among the most embarrassing things. That I've done. Because I didn't need to go to the toilet. But I didn't need a wee wee. So I'm standing there with my. You know.

[01:40:34] Aimed. And nothing happened. I was talking to her. I just wish she'd look me in the eyes. That's all I wanted. Just look up here. My face is up here. And. It was so embarrassing. The weird thing about it. It's even more embarrassing really. When I think about it. Because.

[01:41:03] At the time. She was an old woman. You know. I was. 12. She was. I mean. Old as in. She was old. But in reality. The nurses might have only been like 18. 19. So they were young. But because I was so young. They all seemed really old. They might have been like 20s. So the fact is. These were. Young women.

[01:41:34] Which makes it more embarrassing. But I was like. I couldn't. I couldn't go wee wees. And. Yeah. That wasn't. I didn't. Didn't enjoy that. Which just goes to show. I suppose. That was another. Another. You know. Learning. Moment. About not. Lying. I suppose. But I didn't.

[01:42:04] I didn't really. Feel that I was lying. Although. Technically. I suppose. I was. But it didn't. It didn't really feel that way. I was just. Telling fibs. Because. I wanted to. I wanted to read a comic. But the problem is. At that time.

[01:42:33] I was still getting the dandy. And looking. And I was probably a bit too old. For those comics. So I said. Don't bring them in. But the comics they had. For the kids. Were a little bit older. Than what I would normally. Look at. And I'd never seen. Any of the. Oh Vinnie. You've noticed. This is a fly again. Have you? I've never seen. Any of the superhero. Comics before. Because. My brothers.

[01:43:02] Didn't used to get those. Kind of comics. Although. I think one of them. Did start to. But. I used to get. Looking. And the dandy. Every week. My brother. That was two years old. Than me. Used to get. The Beano. And Whizzer and Chips. And my oldest brother. Who was four years. Older than me. I think he used to get. A football magazine. And.

[01:43:33] A war. A war magazine. Because there used to be. A lot of that stuff. And. Back in the. Like late 70s. Early 80s. There's. But yeah. I think. I think he might have had a. Roy of the Rovers. Or something. Was a comic. That he might have gotten. And. But of course. It might have changed. I'm sure one of them. Started getting superhero. Comics. Comics.

[01:44:02] So I got this. This memory. Of seeing Wolverine. And. I struggled to follow. The story. Because the graphics. Were amazing. But. I couldn't always see. Figure out. Who was saying what. And why. And because the stories. Carried on from the previous. Or the previous. Comic. There. There seemed to be. A lack of consistency. Or.

[01:44:32] I suppose. Maybe too much. Consistency. Depends on how you look at it. Yeah. So. I just wanted to look at the comics. That's all it was. But other than that. It was the bestest time. Of my childhood. Being. In that hospital. Was brilliant. So nice. All the. All. Everyone. One of the doctors. Not so much. But. All of the nurses.

[01:45:04] You know. It was. It was. Okay. It was more than okay. I enjoyed it. It was a nice time. It was a lovely. To have a break from school. Have a break from. Family life. That was lovely. Just to be away from everyone. It was just. Spectacularly. Wonderful. Wonderful. I just stayed in there for.

[01:45:34] A long time. Time. Because I loved it. I got so well with the other kids. And. Yeah. I didn't feel. I mean. I just didn't feel out of my depth. I didn't feel. Self conscious. Self conscious. We just had fun. And. I probably never laughed as much. As I did. Then. As the first time I'd laughed. It's. It's almost like the first time I felt free. Really.

[01:46:04] Without restrictions of. I suppose. Adults in a way. And brothers. So I didn't have any of them people around. And I could just be myself. Without. I don't know. There was. I don't know how to explain it. It was just nice. It was so nice. I loved it. And. I'm going to go. Because Vinny started barking. A few doors being slammed. Music's gone up downstairs. So. I realized.

[01:46:32] I haven't really gone in depth. About talking about. Being boring. Hospital. Boring objects and stuff. But I attempted it. So. Give me. Two out of ten. Please. Give me a. Even if it's a low mark. Give me a low mark. I don't mind. So thank you for listening. Remember. To be kind to yourself. Because you do deserve to be happy.

[01:47:02] And be gentle with yourself. You deserve to feel safe. Lots of love.

[01:47:37] Not just allow you. To feel. Calmer. Time. We spend together. Here. Not just relaxed. At the end of the recording. When it's finished. You can enjoy that. Sense of. Comfort. And peace.

[01:48:10] But also. Think it would be nice. To have. Those. Feelings of. Relaxation. Continue. For longer.

[01:48:39] After the recording. Is ended. So that you can. Still. Benefit. From listening. To my voice. Being a few hours time. Perhaps. Tomorrow. Then.

[01:49:11] By listening. Regularly. Especially. If you find. Like some people do. And myself as well. Sometimes I find one particular recording. That really. Resonates with me. And I just listen to it. Over and over again. Every morning. Every evening.

[01:49:38] There was this recording. From. Going back to about. 1999. It was a. It wasn't hypnosis. But it was a guided. Visualization. So it kind of was hypnosis really. I managed to find it again.

[01:50:08] And it still has the same effect. On me. And part of it was. The person's voice. Just felt so. Peaceful. And I'd look forward. To listening. To her.

[01:50:35] In the morning. And in the evening. Before even. Pressing the play button. That as soon as I'd done that. Press the play button. This was. In the days of.

[01:51:06] CD players. Press the play button. In fact it might have even been a tape. Tape recorder. I'd lie down on the bed. And then. Even without. Necessarily. Listening. To her words.

[01:51:36] Because. I had them memorized really. It was as if my body. Exactly what to do. The muscles just. Almost went into automatic.

[01:52:06] Relaxation. But my mind. Would slow down. I was listening to this recording.

[01:52:34] The early days of learning hypnosis. And long before. I ever made. Any. Videos. Or audio recordings. Myself. Because I didn't start doing that. Till 2006.

[01:53:18] Being able to. Just let go. To have that trust. In the person. That I'm listening to. Knowing that it's. Going to be. Just as relaxing. If not more so.

[01:53:48] Each time. You hear my voice. You may feel the same. Some people. Have been listening to me for. Over a decade.

[01:54:17] Maybe not solidly. Obviously not 24 hours a day. Maybe people come back. Some people maybe listen every day. And something that I. Do. Which you may not realize.

[01:55:03] These recordings. Also. So if I. Said to you. Focus on your feet.

[01:55:35] Notice your feet. Relaxing. I will be focusing on my feet. Noticing. My feet. Relaxing.

[01:56:05] There to focus on your hands. And maybe notice. The difference. Between each hand. Notice the. The air. In the room. The temperature. Of the room.

[01:56:36] You may start to. Notice. What almost feels like. A very light breeze. Even though there. May not be any. Type of breeze. At all. Where you are. Right now. Right now. And as you. Become. Aware.

[01:57:06] Your hand. Also. Aware.

[01:57:41] Comes to. Potentially. Drifting. Off. To sleep. Which may be. The reason. You're listening. These recordings.

[01:58:11] Also. Notice. At times. I've actually. Fallen asleep.

[01:58:54] Listen back. To. Do the editing. I hear. Snoring. And I think. I don't remember. Snoring. Snoring. Or is. A peak turned up. That's what I sound like. When I snore.

[01:59:29] Into the.

[02:00:30] Deeper. The easier. Your breathing. Becomes. Soul. Mercy. Like.

[02:01:02] Muscle. Relaxation. This allows you. Necessarily. Focusing.

[02:01:40] But being able to. Notice.

[02:01:45] So very easily.

[02:03:28] Visualize. Beautiful field. Flowers. Life giving oxygen.

[02:08:34] Because nothing. As your attention. Physical.

[02:09:04] Sensations. Stress.

[02:09:11] And shoulders.

[02:13:55] Muscles. In the front of your body.

[02:15:38] Just on your mind.

[02:20:54] Spreading those signals. Down your spines. And your calf muscles.

[02:22:08] To peace. Tips of your toes.

[02:25:44] Tingo.

[02:27:40] The space.

[02:29:55] Tingo.

[02:31:55] Sina sense of.

[02:31:57] And you could start.

[02:42:06] To notice. That. You. Are feeling. Even though I've not. Purposely. Focusing. Focusing. Your mind. Upon. That. Sense. Of. Comfort. That is growing. Within you. Throughout your body.

[02:42:39] Starts to slow down. Could be. Almost in. Recognition. Of. I guess. My speech. Not being. Particularly. Fast. Things. Just generally.

[02:43:11] Just by. Listening. To my voice. You give yourself. An opportunity. To take a break. From the day. From. As it is. Give yourself a rest. Giving yourself permission.

[02:43:42] To take some time off. And to allow your body. To relax. Which in turn. Releases. The tension. Any stresses. That you had. In your body.

[02:44:13] Almost as if. The parts of your body. Just open up. At the same time. Replacing. That negativity. With. Positive. And fills your body up.

[02:44:43] Mind. To. Also. Starts. To. Embrace. To. Those. Embrace. Feelings. Increasing. Confidence.

[02:45:20] Spreads. Through. Comes from. By yourself. Just.

[02:46:02] Almost. Reset. Itself. To. The. To the. Of. Feelings. Of. Pleasure.

[02:47:02] Positivity. And it feels nice. It really does feel nice. To know that you. That has allowed. Yourself.

[02:47:54] And as I focus. Part of your body. It is. That part. Just by focusing on it.

[02:48:28] Just by focusing. Get focused on.

[02:48:59] Just automatically.

[02:49:57] This isn't. This isn't a countryside. There's lots of. Nature. Sounds. Around. Focus on your forehead. Notice how it becomes.

[02:50:57] Feel so heavy. It's so light. At the same time. Muscles around your eyes. Relaxing.

[02:51:52] Just. Part of your. Size of your face.

[02:54:05] The side of your spine. Right from the top of your back. As you move.

[02:54:32] I can feel the muscles. Either side of your spine. And as those muscles. Relax. Sense of comfort. Starts to spread.

[02:55:34] It's always in the top.

[02:56:11] It's being extra special feeling.

[02:56:45] Those muscles.

[02:56:45] Don't focus on your shoulders.

[02:57:49] Notice. That already.

[02:57:52] Those muscles.

[02:59:29] Not just.

[03:14:29] Twenty. Down to one. Imagine in a way. It's like. Just walking down. Some steps. In each step.

[03:15:10] We use. You walk down those steps. So. Starting with number twenty.

[03:20:57] Thirteen.

[03:38:29] Ten.

[03:48:26] Notice the. Calming. Expect me to stick over. Try again.

[03:48:55] I will go a bit slower. This time. You focus on. The whole of your body. Before you focus on your legs. Just notice. It does. Start.

[03:51:12] Just notice. How. How you feel. Generally. How your body feels. It's not necessarily even about. It's that space.

[03:51:43] Space between. Physically. Or mentally. To just. Sitting. Or lying down. Just being there. Not doing anything. Not saying anything.

[03:52:11] Not needing to think about anything. So. It opens up a space. You know. A bit of a space. A gap. In ten to one. The bigger that gap. So there's that gap of.

[03:52:40] Calmness. Relaxation. It's a nice feeling. Those. Stresses. Or discomforts. Physically. Or emotionally. Loose them. Just.

[03:53:27] So I'm going to count again. From ten down to one. And notice. That. Gap. Widers. It's almost like the stress. And tension. Falls into the gap.

[03:54:01] At distance.

[03:54:31] Seven.

[03:54:32] You notice that.

[03:56:35] You're feeling calm.

[03:57:32] You're just going to start with. Focusing.

[03:58:13] Just focusing. Tops of your thighs. The sides of your thighs. Eyes. The outer thighs. And basically. The whole of your thigh. That leads. Into your hip.

[03:58:51] Now this is a big area. Very strong. Muscles in your body. Or in your thighs.

[03:59:22] Attention. To our thighs. After you Die. Thank you.