#90 Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety & Panic Attacks - "HOPELESSNESS" - (Jason Newland) (5th February 2020)

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Hello, and welcome to relaxation, hypnosis for stress, anxiety and panic attacks. My name is Jason Newland, please only listen to this when you can safely Close your eyes. And please subscribe to this podcast. Now, I want to talk today about a hopelessness or pretty bad dealing with hopelessness. I think it's a fair a fair bet. A fair guess to say that every single person in the world has had the feeling of hopelessness at some point. But as per usual, I'm going to focus from this podcast perspective for someone going through anxiety, dealing with stress related illnesses,
panic and stuff like that. And from my own perspective, my own memory. I had a lot of hopelessness. When the anxiety was really, really at its worst. And I think the worst point really, for me, and it was, it was a few low ones.
But one of the first the worst moments was it was 2003.
No. Yeah. 2003 odd being on a retreat, a Buddhist retreat. And it was December is like over Christmas, basically. And I think it was from Boxing Day to new
to like, a week later. or the day after Boxing Day, something like that. So anyway, I went up there.
It was in Northridge and Norfolk, near Northridge. And I've been going through the periods you know, like, since for a year literally, of having anxiety, attacks, random times, anxiety moments, stress, I
was on medication. And I always just yeah, was it? Yeah, this is 2003 went on this retreat. Everything was fine. Everything was fine. He felt really good. Well, I feel okay. And the idea is, we're getting on a train which would take us to Northridge and then from the train would get a taxi. Simple, very simple thing. bots. When we got to the train station, there was no trains. It was a bus replacement service. Which meant instead of being sort of having a bit of room
because there wasn't that many people so there had been plenty of room on a train.
It meant that we really squashed together on this bus or coach. And as soon as I sat down and the drop bus took off for the coach took off, it kicked in, I had one of the it's hard to like gauge, give them marks at a 10 let anxiety take was a six that much, you know, but it was awful. It was really awful.
And I did not do We all felt trapped. And the way I managed to get there and and I just remember this remember, hopelessness, I felt hopeless. I was how many years ago now 2020. I was 33. I'm now 49. So it's a long time ago, is I think it's useful
to get in touch with the reality that it's not going to last. The reality that those feelings, whatever they are, however extreme they are at the time, they won't last. Just like the extreme feelings of pleasure, won't last. We're constantly having different feelings. So, back then, on the trip, I'm on the bus gets where I'm going. And I'm just a nervous wreck literally just shaking. But I wasn't physically shaking, I was shaking inside. But no one else could see. And which made it a bit worse, because I wanted people to know.
But no one could see. That was just talking to me like normal. And I was not feeling normal. So I get to this retreat center. It's a couple of people there that I know, I go with someone I know
as well. But there's a few people that I know. And it's it's his bunk beds. It's almost like, like an army barracks. And it was, I don't know how many people about 10 bunk beds in this room. So I'm on the bottom bunk. And someone else is on the top. And I'm just I don't know what to do myself. Because, you know, I paid a fair bit of money to go on this retreat.
A managed retreat to help with my stress. Meditation, or for that would be really useful because I've been doing meditation since November the previous year. So for just over a year, and I had found it beneficial. But they just came out as came out of nowhere. You know, and for, for at least five days, solid. And I say solid as a lie, because of course, we're always changing. We're never always feeling the same thing. But it felt like always in that zone of anxiety for five days. By experience a lot of anxiety during those five days, and it got to the point
I had to leave because it was getting worse. It didn't improve. He got worse and worse and worse. So in the end, I said See ya bye. Got a
taxi to train station. And if I remember rightly, it was a Sunday and it was New Year's Eve.
And on pacing around like a captured lion or like a lion in a cage in the zoo that hasn't been sedated.
That was almost like an out of body experience. I couldn't understand why the people that were working there were why when they come in asking me if I was okay. And then your love partner is thinking, What if they think that I'm up to no good? Because I felt like I was sweating. I felt like I was there's probably something wrong here. You know, I've got it's gonna look weird from the outside. All I wanted to do is get home and I think it would No matter where I lived, I couldn't live in the most horriblest room, or the one I lived in before I moved here, it is so grateful to get back home
into that room just to get away from the people get away from every everyone and everything. And the train journey was about 15 minutes long. And I got my god taxi back to home from the train station. And I just sat there on my bed, not knowing what to do. And that was one of the most hopeless situations or hopeless feelings of head. One of them in my life. Enough, I couldn't even go to a retreat, meditation retreat, which is supposed to, you know, in my mind, what could be more relaxing than relaxing? That's kind of how I was thinking about it. And I really, really, really worried for my mental health. For my state of mind, you know, was I going mad? I mean, genuinely, that's how I was thinking about it. I know, it's not great language to use, but that's how I was thinking about myself. Am I going crazy?
Am I losing it? Is this something really, really wrong? With me? Is my brain not functioning properly? I didn't think is a personality thing is a bipolar thing. Is it an anxiety thing, or just for a brain is not working.
And I came, I just came to this conclusion, I had to do something different. I had to make a change. So what I did is I stopped drinking alcohol. For the whole of 2004, I stopped drinking alcohol. I didn't eat meat. And with our finger, I was already vegetarian at that point.
And I went to the doctors again, I think I'd stop take my medication. The antidepressants, and the beta blockers didn't. I didn't find them helpful, myself. And I guess the reason why I stopped saying the medication
is because a friend of mine is talking on the phone. And he was going on and on and on and on about how bad life is and stuff. And I was trying to say to him that things will change. I've been saying this stuff for years, but it's true things change. And he said to me what's right for you? course, you're going to be calm because you're too drugged up on medication.
And it bugged me so much. I chucked the medication away. Which is not a good idea. Yeah, that's a whole new thing. Isn't it a whole different topic. I guess, you know, worrying about what other people think.
I feel hopeless, absolutely hopeless. By the here, I'm here now 17 years later, or 16. And a bit years later, I'm here. I feel hopeless loads of times. But that was almost a different level. A level that I just couldn't I couldn't see a way out of it couldn't logically see a whale. So made change. But part of that change was a determination, I decided, and I was determined to change the way things are, for me. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. The first step was to not drink any alcohol because
you know, I've found it didn't reduce my stress levels. Well, maybe temporarily it felt like it. But I didn't know what else I was gonna do. But I had that spark,
that loose spark came into my head below spark which are grabbed hold off as almost like I suppose you may see people on sound tellico don't do this myself, but in a rubbing sticks together and they
get a spark and I've got blow on it. And they you know, in order to turn into a fire,
like a bonfire so they can cook some food and keep warm. I wasn't seeking it. So I did learn a little bit of that. But it's mainly from television that I see film films and stuff like that, I've got this spark and a blue on it. And I encouraged it to develop into something more. But I didn't know what it was going to be.
So what happened in 2004 I started to make changes. I started to go to the gym. I started to be this is I I'm just thinking about it now. And this goes together with some of the things I say, in these recordings. I started to be nicer to myself.
So I had a little bit of savings. Because I'd been working up to November so I didn't sign on, didn't like sign and unemployment and had a part time job
in a gift shop. So kind of I had enough of one needed. I had low rent. So I started getting myself a few few nice clothes. Not many, but your nice top. Nice trousers, maybe some shoes. I've started meeting up with friends for coffee, or me or go for meals, you know, just I mean restaurants were just you know, like for lunch.
Did something I hadn't done before I started going to blockbusters. And I know it doesn't really exist anymore base. The video shop when it was around. It was huge when I was around, wasn't it blockbusters
and we used to have them in every town in England, pretty much. Sometimes you'd have to in one town. I bought myself a television with a DVD player. Connected you know sort of in in in in it and I started getting DVDs out instead of because before I was renting VHS tapes or vice to Biden I used to buy lots of VHS tapes out of a huge library which gave away and started treating myself to watch some of the new films around, started going to the cinema to watch the latest films.
Things that I hadn't done possibly before and done it before or for years. And it was difficult. There were times when it was difficult. I'm involved was watching a spider man movie in the cinema.
I think it was June 2004. And I had a panic attack while I was watching spider man.
He was Spider Man three. So I had to leave or didn't have to leave by chose to leave because
just as uncomfortable as well beyond uncomfortable. So I ended up watching the movie all the way through when it came out on DVD. But I didn't let it stop me. I still did things. Not much, but I did something.
I was working possibly three days a week. And then the other days are trying to do something go
out. Maybe visit my nan once a week. I started to feel less hopeless. I don't know if it was quite the level of hopeful.
But definitely in that, you know, in that direction. And I started doing martial arts Wing Chun Kung Fu, which I lost some weight during that as well. So I felt probably more comfortable, more calm, more confident.
And that was part of this slimmest I've been since Well, in the last 20 years down to slimmest. So I think the main thing I suppose what I'm trying to get at if I if there's a if there's a way of get into his
hopelessness is a feeling it's a thought pattern. It's it's temporary. It doesn't feel like it at the time. Sometimes it's, it's it might be useful to prepare to prepare for those times when that sense of hopelessness possibly arises for a short period of time knowing that it will decrease then taking practical measures maybe doing something new, finding something that you look forward to doing
is you know, when I was a kid growing up and in my 20s and you know, I was around comedy for a while and there was you know, appears to make fun of trainspotters. You know is like gold they're boring and you know that kind of stuff like how pointless
were they doing it for you know, I've been traveling by train all of my life all my adult life. I don't drive have yet to see the yet to see in all these years. One miserable trying spa
they're happy. I don't mean they're standing there with a big grin false grin on their face.
Doing a little dance. I mean, they're doing what they enjoy doing. So there's something about that is if you can, if someone can get
hope and meaning out of out of for themselves from doing something that maybe a lot of other people see is pointless.
It's not pointless to them. Because it's what they feel it's the feeling they get. So I kind of think well, it doesn't in a way it doesn't matter what it is
that you do if it gives you the fee. And it pulls you away from that sense of hopelessness, that gives you hope gives you something to look forward to,
gives you a meaning gives you a purpose. It doesn't matter if you, if you're, you know, you're training to be
a brain surgeon, or all you want to collect shells off a beach.
And, you know, oh, go take pictures of butterflies. or not, I'm not saying those two other things are meaningless. I'm saying, it doesn't matter what it is. If it gives you pleasure, or emotional pleasure, whether it's playing a musical instrument, or watching your favorite television show,
lying in the garden, taking your dog for a walk, you know, maybe writing poetry and maybe there are things not discovered yet. Something that can pull you away from that hopelessness, feeling something that it's almost like, I've told you before the analogy, you know, a bath of really hot off, you
add some cold water, the bath can never get hot again, you know, it's basically is, you know, if you, if you put too much cold in your in the bath, you have to be really careful to get it just at the right temperature. But it definitely changes how the bar feels. So you got that. I mean, the feeling of hopelessness could be you know, it's a scolding barf. It's a horrible emotional feeling.
It's horrible. It's it's one of the worst feelings. Once you start adding a little bit of something else,
it changes the feeling. Sometimes you do something physical can change that feeling. It can be as simple as having a cup of tea. However weird that might sound or going outside just to get some air reading a book, we're doing something that you really enjoy doing. And maybe
maybe forcing yourself to do it. Start with you know, kind of giving yourself a bit of a push.
United States maybe you stand at the top of a slide. And you know that you can love this slide because you've done it many times and you love
it. You're actually facing the other way. And there's a big jump, the big drop. There's a ladder that you climbed up you almost you know it's it feels uncomfortable. And you can't see the ladder. We can see is the floor the ground long way down. If you turn round, you can see the slide because you're on the top of the slide you just facing the wrong way.
When you face this slide, you might look at and think okay, I do live slides be my thing I can't be bothered probably bullet 40 won't like it probably won't. The internal dialogue. So it's a little bit of a push, sit down on the slide and just push yourself down. And then you remember how much you enjoy it. That's why I think other things but eating this is just my personal opinion when it comes to being kind to yourself, eating fast food, high fat food and stuff like that, clearly it's not good for us. Physically is it, you know, excessive amounts is not not healthy. Every now and then having something that you really enjoy eating can be a real treat. So, you know, you might love eating pizza, provided you haven't got a physical issue that, you know stops you from eating that safely. You could treat yourself it raises your spirits, it changes how you feel in the moment. And the fact that how you feel changes so quickly
shows you that what that original feeling wasn't. Wasn't that sturdy to start with was it wasn't that strong, to begin with, if it can be swayed, and bent, and you know, Miss shaped so easily,
just by doing something that we enjoy. We're thinking about something that we really like, or really being with someone that we care about.
Doing something that's fun, relaxing, remembering something, or planning something you can look forward to. given another example, this happened naturally. So Dad, I didn't plan this, but it happened. I had an educational course booked, it was a hypnosis course, that I paid for.
This is in 2002 1013. And it was always working in a call center. And I was by sort of August time, June, July, I'd really been having a hard time of it. But there's one question out of all the questions I had to ask people on the phone. And question is, if you've got any part time, or do you have any education?
You in higher education or something like that? And I've got a call Hello. I believe inside me. Whenever asked that question, I got little bit of a glow. And that was the only thing. con i could grab hold of. Because at a time I was really, really low. But it gave me a little bit hope. Just remembering that I had this course that was going to be Stein in the following January.
Or Yeah, or might be in October, but you know, I had this. They gave me this feeling of almost like a trigger with SAP. I didn't plan for it to happen. But every time I asked that same question I was asking it may be 20 times a day, 30 times a day, depending
on how many quotes I was doing. And I had that feeling. So maybe there's something in your life. conversation you might have, maybe something you see in your home. That when you look at it, you get that feeling of You know what, there is hope. There is purpose, there is a future. Things will be okay. It might be something you see might be a photograph, might be a book.
It might be something you hear more might be something that you smell. You might you might walk past a fast food restaurant, and you think, huh I'm gonna have to go in now on Friday. Treat yourself Could be anything. And then my these things might be happening naturally, without us noticing.
Because it's the whole whole, the whole thing about the spotlight isn't it? The whole point of spotlight is it does bring up one
spot. But the other point of it, for anyone that's been to the theater knows the spotlight moves. If it stayed in one spot the whole time, you'd be watching the half, maybe three corners of the play, look an empty bit on the stage, because the actors are moving around.
So the spotlight has to move. Which means it can be shined on other stuff. Other ideas, other thoughts, other plans, other things that you positive about the feeling good about, they can remind you.
And if any part your brain says all things are never going to change, we need to do get hold of a photo album, I will look at a picture of youth when he was younger. Maybe he was a baby, maybe you attend, maybe you were 2030, whatever. Just have a look at that picture for a few years ago. And then say let's say that same sentence to yourself.
I'm never going to change things are never going to change. always changing. always changing. Always. And, you know, it's it's got his flip side to
the things that we love doing. You know, if you're in the middle of doing something that you actually fix wonderful, gives you the most physical pleasure or the most emotional, most emotional pleasure, you can have that one laughs because that will come to an end. Just like the most painful experience will also come to an end. You can't have one without the other. So unless you've had an experience of absolute bliss, that is lasted forever and ever and ever. You can't say can't expect the horrible feeling or the unpleasant feeling to last forever. It's just a feeling. And they don't last 90 day not last forever. They don't last for long, actually.
But sometimes it feels like it does. And the brain the mind can sometimes feel stuck. Or that spotlight you know needs to be loosened a little bit. Need to start looking at other things. start to notice other things. Because the idea that nothing ever changes and you're going to feel this way forever,
is not reality. And you can argue reality or you're like but you can't win. Reality always wins. So what's the point in arguing with reality? I can concede on a six foot six all day long.
Not one person will agree with me. Maybe if I meet someone it's three foot two, they're my thing. Yeah, you do look six foot six. Because I'm five foot nine. You know so but it's not real. What's wrong with reality? What's it's painful. But at least it's real. isn't something to be said for that. Because then you open you up, open yourself up for pleasure.
If you open yourself up for pain He keeps off open. All of it can come through. You can't have one without the other. And I wish we could. I really wish we could.
You know, obviously, it'd be lovely, wouldn't it? Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure. Nothing else, but pleasure. Could be a bit boring. But yeah. Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure. But then what would moan about? Alright, so a little mo now in no hurry, everything went my way all the time. And everything went perfectly swimmingly perfect. I couldn't complain about stuff. And I loved how little moan I really do. But all the time, just now and then a little mon. Usually try and do it in a funny way, but just, you know, a light hearted look at what's happening. Kind of almost stepping back a little bit. And observing it from a different angle,
a little bit distance. Realizing that actually, there's more going on there. And just what's in that spotlight. When you step back, you can actually see to the whole stage, there
might be a whole set on the stage. Might be like a house might be a tree on the left side of the set on the stage, but you can't see it, because spotlight is just shining on that one spot. What you could do, I suppose it's just turn all the lights on. Let everything be seen. So you can experience all of the feelings. Because when you all you experience is pain. Or that's you don't you know, so you kind of focus on it feels worse. Then if you allow yourself to feel the pleasure as well. And I've got I've talked about this before, you know, it's basically if you if you got emotional pain trying to knock on your door, and you're stopping it from getting in. And the more you stop it, the more he bangs the more bangs and more bangs and it doesn't give up. And then another bit comes along another bit of pain, emotional pain comes along, knocks on the door. Eventually a door, you just spend so much time pushing on the door to keep it closed. that eventually the door does come in, you know, there's too much of
that stuff. And this pleasure, wants to be invited as well. But the pleasure sees all his pain building up and thinks,
ooh, I don't know if we want any part of that looks like a bit of a crappy situation. They will come back later. Besides, he clearly does want anyone in his house who is pushing the door closed.
So we probably not welcome anyway. And then that pain comes in. It's an overload. Yeah, if the doors just left open, the pain can walk in. And then just walk out again. That painful feeling her walk in and walk out again. The pleasure can see that the doors open. We are welcome. And then you start to notice those pleasurable feelings. Realizing that feelings are just feelings and oh, they're not all crappy. You start to notice when you're laughing, you start to notice when you're feeling quite good, physically, emotionally.
You start to notice that you feel more confident within yourself. And I said doors open. It's almost like the door Why he gets widened. A door comes off his hinges, you get rid of the door together. And this is a big gap.
And what happens is it's almost like the the painful feelings seem to become smaller. And the pleasure seems to grow bigger. It's quite nice when you think about it, so maybe allow yourself to get in touch with those moments in your day. Now that you're allowing yourself to feel whatever you're feeling, realizing if you do that, it won't only be hopelessness.
There'll be other feelings there as well. And the thing about hopelessness is when it's on its own, it's only strong if there's no other feelings. Once other feelings come along, gratitude, other feelings of pleasure, just a little bit of pleasure, that hopelessness loses strength. In fact, it can, it can no longer be called hopelessness. Because hopelessness in itself is a definite word. It's like concrete. Steel is like, you know, it's there. And it's unchangeable, the way we say it. But the reality is is not unchangeable. And once it starts to change it's completely changed. Slide any feature if we go back to the bit of metal
once you melt some metal down, it's no longer the thing it was it's still the same material. But it might have been a wheelbarrow before melted down.
It's no longer a wheelbarrow you're never ever going to be able to use it. For the same thing as you did before. I suppose you can make another will never be the same way. There'll be the same rule bearer. So the feelings in us always transforming, always changing which change with the spotlight maybe becomes all of the lights being switched on. Or you could just move the spotlight around to get to know your surroundings a bit more notice in new things but you know if I turn the light off in this room now and I've got a spotlight towards flashlight wherever you want to call it
and I started shining a different parts of the room is going to look a lot different or he does with the light on
our money going to be seen certain parts. Even though I notice other stuff in there. It's not going to feel like the same room. Then turn the lights on. There's way more to it than just that. So I'll leave you with his thoughts and his ideas. Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Bye

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