#48 Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety & Panic Attacks (Jason Newland) (21st August 2019)

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Hello, and welcome to relaxation hypnosis for stress, anxiety and panic attacks. My name is Jason Newland, please only listen to this, when you can safely Close your eyes. Just one notice just to let you know that there are no longer adverts on this or any of my podcasts. So you can enjoy the experience without people try to sell you toothpaste. And it's quite weird actually, as I just about to start this episode this recording, sitting on my bed, decided my bed. Andres asleep. And this and just just let you I'm not gonna be talking about this as a subject, but just a huge spider is calling up the wall, probably about one and a half. arm's length from me. And I can honestly say I got 00 fear, zero anxieties, zero panic, nothing at all. My only real concern about the spider is if Andre eats and because, first of all, I don't I never. I never kill spiders or anything like that. But on Andre gets a bit ill when he eats I found in the middle ages ago. And I didn't know what he was coughing up. And then I went to the bathroom there was these like legs on the floor, not his legs, spider legs. And I liked the spiders because they get rid of the flies. And the flies unfortunately do sort of I do like to land on. And you know, so kind of. But that's not really what this is about small boss bout flies or anything. But would be interested maybe to talk about fears in the sense of phobias, which is a huge course cause of anxiety, stress, panic with people I can be, well, let's say if anybody's got a phobia, if they come in contact with a thing that they have the phobia about. Or even think about it or see a picture of it. It can be a trigger. So I'm gonna talk about spiders, but not in a sense of trying to get rid of a phobia. And I realized that not everybody's gonna want to even hear the word. So if that's the case, and I understand if you need to stop the recording, but I'm going to tell you my story of spiders. It's not a bot isn't a horrible story. Okay, it's nothing bad. It's just how I came. How I came about the phobia because I had a real fear of spiders and how I overcame it. So this, I would say is possibly you useful for a lot of things. A lot of stuff in your life and my life has, has or does or will possibly get in the way of enjoyment, happiness, doing things traveling, you know, I mean I've I think my biggest phobia is probably rejection. So you know, I've been perhaps garland What the right word is but you know I have, there's a lot of women that I've met in the past I've not asked out
because fear of rejection. But I guess that's not a phobia by definitely filled me with terror. So spiders, I remember in 1987 I had my first flat while I lived on my own
and lived above a chip shop. No more. It's not a long story doesn't involve chips, or fish and chip shop for those who don't know what it is. It's basically it's this
is like a takeaway. We get fish and chips battered sausages at different things. So this is late at night, about to go to bed and I see this spider run under the bed. And on an absolute terror I couldn't get, I couldn't get to sleep until I found it. Completely terrified. I was 17 at the time. And I didn't know why I was so scared of spiders. It's only when I realized why I was scared and that the fear just dropped away. Like Like an overdue fart. I just squirted the fire out and has gone out the window and never to be seen again. And I just because in where I come from an England, we don't have dangerous spiders. We don't have crocodiles or sharp Well, we have a few sharks but not on land. We're gonna have a sharp climb under my bed. So don't really any logical fear, reason to be fearful. But I honestly I was terrified, absolutely terrified. And I spend probably about an hour trying to catch it before I go to sleep.
And I know that if I hadn't caught it, I would have gone into the other room and slept in a different room. Now a few years back I had a memory came to me, of my stepmom and my stepmoms mother who was my men, my grandmother at the time.
How terrified they were of spiders. And I realized that learn to and it was a way of being close to them. It was a way of being close to her.
Because she left when I was 17 and I kind of was 16 seven years or something like that. 16 Yeah. And I I just it's kind of like that. That part of me I was holding on to that wasn't really me. I mean, when I was a little kid I used to I used to eat Daddy Long Legs.
I wasn't scared of picking anything up. I was scared of spiders, or anything like that. wasn't scared of anything pretty much. So it's a learned thing, something that I learned, but I didn't know what learned to
and I didn't even know scared of spiders. Really until that happened until that, you know that event with that spider going under the bed. But then many, many years later, I kind of had this realization. And it was a memory, actually an image, like little video in my head of my stepmother screaming again, all agitated, because there was a spider on the floor. It didn't hurt her, hadn't done anything to her. She'd never had a bad experience with one, you know, nothing like that. Just, it was petrified. And I learned from that I learned to be scared of something that I didn't need to be scared of.
When I realized the kind of the silliness of it, actually, the pointlessness of it. The fact that it's kind of fake. It's not real, it's not a real scared you know, it's
in i got i remember i got mugged a cash point machine 20 odd years ago. So I'm young, I'm wary, when I go to cash machine and adore money out if it's a night. unwary make sure there's no one behind me. But that's from learning experience. And that's from either having experienced a situation that I wouldn't want to experience again, without being prepared. But I'm not scared of using cash machines, the ice water called ADM, AMD, whatever they call them, you know, where you get your money out, you put your card in the bank machines.
But that was something that I'd experienced in my life. So I had to at least some legitimate reason to have made some connections. So if I'd ended up with a phobia of cash machines, then that would have been something to work with, is a lonely being. Although it's not a useful thing. Not a useful reaction, especially when it's a place where you get money. But as you know, there's a logical kind of connection with what previously happened. And the response kind of logic, you know, made a little bit of sense. Sort of understandable.
But with this spider, absolutely no reason at all. To have any fear of a spider. Never. It's just a normal house spider. Some of them are big. But they're not tarantulas, or, you know, they're not like it's not, we don't have really bad poisonous ones here. If I was, you know, that's a different thing. So it's safe, it's not going to harm me. And in reality is the size of the end of my toe, about big toe. So I'm basically a giant on absolutely massive compared to that little thing. It's weird how it seems to be really big, but it's not really a tiny, tiny little thing.
So then I start to think what other things have I been like? Acting scared about, because this is acting. For me it was acting a role. Like I took acting classes and learn how to, you know, be scared of something that wasn't scary. I had no reason to be scared of it. But rehearsed it
so well, that I actually felt those feelings really felt them. Which I guess is a sign of a really good actor.
But when I realized that actually always just, it's not me, it's just faking. not faking. Like negative putting myself down kind of way. But just it's kind of fake fakery? Acting, taking on someone else's personality traits, which can be great if you take on the really nice personality traits. And that's what we do as humans, isn't it? Our kids, we model we copy. But then when we're kids, we don't know what to copy. We don't know which bits are the good bits, and which bits, rubbishy bits. So we might copy the the kindness, we might copy the the consideration may be that the parents have, may copy the wanting to do things for charity, or wanting to play a musical instrument that we might also copy the political beliefs, might copy prejudices, might copy fears, and the limiting thinking that the parents may have. So as a child, we don't know, we don't know what we How can we ascertain what is the correct thing to copy, there is no book for children to read, as far as I know, which tells them which parts of their parents personality is worthy of mimicking. Because, as is kind of common knowledge. If you mimic something and you keep doing something, eventually they'll just become you. So if you think positively, and you think you think well about yourself, and you believe in yourself, and you believe that you're worthy of being loved, and you believe that you're intelligent, and you can learn anything, if you put your mind to it. And you know, you really believe that you can be successful in whatever you choose in life. You believe that you can be happy, and you believe wherever difficulties may have arisen recently, will subside and you can overcome them. But then there's the other side isn't, is the other side. The flip side of the coin. I suppose a good thing about being an adult, or if there's people listening to teenagers. You're old enough, you're old enough to press the play button and you old enough to comprehend and listen to the podcast. Then you understand
that you have a choice. You can now choice, you can have choice. You can now choose what person Number two traits you take on. Because now if you've met someone that you think, wow, that's an amazing person, you know, maybe you're at work.
And you got a manager and you think I want to be a manager, or you got a salesperson, and the top salesperson you think I want to be, I want to just be just like them,
then you're going to maybe start mimicking some of the behavior.
As you listen to them, maybe they work in a call center on the phone, you listen to them, and maybe copy some of the mannerisms, some of the way that they talk. Maybe use some of their phrases, maybe even dress in a similar kind of a way, so that you can feel confident about yourself. So you pick out the good bits, you pick out the useful bits below, copy everything they do. They might go outside every tea, tea break coffee break, and smoke to cigarettes, you don't need to do that, to be really good, are what you do. You don't need to copy that behavior. You don't need to go to the toilet every time they go to the toilet. Before they end up a disciplinary if you keep doing that anyway, but
if they got three children, you don't have to have three children. You don't have to drive the same car, do they drive?
You know, they might they might have get done for speeding in the car, don't have to go out and get a speeding ticket in order to be successful like them in the job that they do. So as adults, we have the choice to choose which parts that we copy. When we're children, we don't we don't know. We don't have that cognitive ability, when we're young children to decipher which is the good stuff and which isn't as far as mimicking behavior.
Which is why some children grow up to be very aggressive. Maybe manipulative, maybe drama, Queens, maybe whatever. Because they weren't able to know which behaviors were the right ones.
That would benefit them when it comes to anxiety and stress. Because this all comes back to this is a lot of stuff that we do. Our behaviors come from when we were younger.
But all of it. And this isn't a blame situation. It's not like why you blame my parents, not their fault. I'm not blaming anyone. It's not a blame situation at all. I don't think blame has ever helped anybody ever. The only thing blame does is it helps to be able to keep the anger going. Again, blaming is something you can probably learn as well, when you're a kid who's false that Ben matanza heard that when I was a kid. So it usually was my fault. So it might be worth thinking about your own life, your own experiences as a child. Not all of them. I'm just focusing on the anxiety, stress, part of things. And I know we started off talking about phobias, which is another massively anxious stress inducing feeling to have emotions and stuff. It's it's people crumble emotionally and physically. Sometimes I seen people literally fall to the floor because they couldn't, couldn't face doing the thing that they were petrified of.
And now I wonder who they seem do that. So if you've got a phobia of something, and it's not being caused by a good traumatic incident in your life, because I know a lot of a lot of phobias can be caused from that. One, trial learning and maybe bad experiences. But wonder is this some stuff that hasn't actually occurred in your life, that you're scared of something or got phobia or something. But there's no reason for it. There's no logical memory within your life. So nothing's actually happened to you, for you to feel that way.
And if that's the case, then whether you are a member or not, it's probably very, very likely that you've witnessed somebody else. Act in that way, the way that maybe you do in those stressful situations, maybe someone that you cared about, might have just been someone that you saw in a public place once.
Because even as a small child, you know, if you, you could be on the beach. And you could see another small child or an adult go absolutely crazy because a seagull comes near them. And then you kind of learn in that see, goals are bad and scary. And that's how to act. When
clearly there's, there's no reason for that. But logic doesn't come into when it comes to emotion. But once once logic kicks in, once your thinking changes,
the emotion he kind of drops off like that big, smelly WAV file I talked about earlier. open a window, it just blows away, never to be seen or smelled again. And anyone that gets offended at the idea I'll call a phobia. Big, smelly, wet fart. While actually five years away worse. A big smelly wet far has never stopped me from doing anything in life. Of course, I don't always get the job. You know if it happens in an interview. It's not great weddings, but I'm just saying when you think differently about that thing. There emotional response that you've had in the past about something which doesn't actually make logical sense. Then may very well mean that you don't need to experience it.
Isn't that quite a wonderful thing really. If you think about it, it's kind of like if you've got a door, if your door breaks, your front door breaks, the lock breaks on your front door wherever and the doors basically unlocked. Now I know if my front door is unlocked. Or let's say the door broke and the door was just there was no door. It was just an empty you No empty doorframe. I wouldn't get I wouldn't get to sleep until that new front door was born, I know that I'd I would be in it, I'd be hyper, hyper stressed, I would. There's no doubt about it. But it's often it's a pretty good reason. But I probably be a little bit more than very much be anxious about that situation. But just for the duration, as soon as a new door was put on, I could let go that anxiety, that stress gone, never to return, never needed, the chances of that situation ever rising again, very unlikely. That's about a once in a lifetime, once in 100 lifetimes, that that would happen, where the whole front door is removed or just fell off. So it wouldn't be needed anymore. Not that it was needed before.
But it would be it would be unnecessary. Unnecessary reaction. A pointless reaction. Because guaranteed if you if every time do you think is something that causes you anxiety, whether it's getting on a bus, whether it's public speaking, whatever. The thing is, that might be might just it might be lots of things, but just a specific thing that we're really going to get Sure, you know, just thinking about it is to have that effect, or really like
well. So if every time you thought about that you ran around the block, you went outside and you jogged around your house all around the roads, and all the way back. So maybe it takes 10 minutes, 20 minutes. Obviously, if you fit enough to do it, or you'd walk around, or if you was in a wheelchair, you'd will yourself round. So if you did that every time you thought about that thing. So let's say you had anxiety of it could be anything, I'm not going to name anything, but whatever it is, that's, that's causing stress, something that you don't want to do or something you can't, you're concerned about doing worried about doing. Or maybe something that you just struggle with, when you think about, say getting on the bus or traveling or going to that party. So they say you got a wedding you got coming up in three months time. And when you think about it, if at all go go there and we'll be in all those people and you know, maybe it's causing a lot of anxiety.
So every time you think of that, when you think of anxiety that way, every time the anxiety comes
up, you run around the block, or walk around the block, no matter what time of the day or night it is, no matter what time of the year, whatever the temperature is, of course, you're gonna make sure you're safe. So probably not going out at three o'clock in the morning and make sure you board wrapped up but you know what I mean generally. And if every time you've thought about that, and had anxiety you ran around the block
imagine doing it for three months. Every time you thought about it, I guarantee I'm not going to bet money on it by guarantee that your thought process will change. As long as you stick to it as long as you stick to run around the block or walk around the block.
What can be something as simple as doing 20 Press ups something really tedious like just standing Against the wall facing the wall for half an hour. But that, that doesn't seems a bit punishing for me, you know. So I'd be a bit more like being back at school. So I wouldn't think, yeah, I wouldn't really advise that. But, but doing something that maybe isn't particularly pleasant, but also something that doesn't harm you, you know. So it could be, you could have a book, a book that you for no interest in reading. And you read a chapter, every time you think about this thing, or you clean a toilet, every time in a bar, you do something, do something that you don't really necessarily want to do. In that moment, she's got a garden, you could have a hole in the garden, you could have a big pile, have debt. And you could just move it from one end of the garden to the other. Every time you think about this thing. This might seem a little bit drastic, it might seem a bit, you know, as I said, a little bit punishing a little bit, you know, not pleasant. Things change, things will change. What you think will change. And also, if you would do an exercise, actually, there's the the physiology physio console, the word of physiological benefit of that. And the mental benefit the exercise, which could also transform, and change the way you feel about that thing. Because then you got that connection. So if you go and run in, think of that connection between thinking about going to the wedding, and that nice feeling of gentle exercise. So you can kind of work both ways. And you can be creative. This is your life, this is your time. This is your space. This is your effort. This is your well being. You can choose lots of different ways, and be as creative as you choose to make those changes.
So when you think about something and you think, where did this come from? Where did this fear come from? Where did this behavior come from? Why am I reacting this way? to this stuff, this activity, this board, why am I reacting this way to this outside stimuli? Whether it's something you hear something you see, why am I reacting this way? And where did I learn that? And if it's not based on something from your own life, then it's been learned from observing and copying somebody else's behavior.
Which means is not real. It's not yours doesn't belong to you. I mean, walking around with someone else's jacket on. It's not your jacket. Give it back. And maybe that's why it's so uncomfortable. Because the jackets two sizes too small. You think about it as well, when we carry this stuff, from childhood into adulthood.
Maybe the reason why I feel so uncomfortable is so stressful. And so anxiety provoking is because it is uncomfortable because we've outgrown it. So basically, we're wearing underpants and a T shirt that are way too small for us. Which is causing a lot of discomfort, these clothes, so very confined very limited.
very uncomfortable, but not needing to be extra trying to still wear those clothes from the childhood for trying to fit into the clothes from or even 20 years ago. Honestly, if I put on some clothes, I burst out of them like the Incredible Hulk
with a beer belly. So I just it's interesting, isn't he think about it, what are we carrying around with us? There's actually no longer relevant.
And the idea of actually still wearing those clothes that we wore when I was little children. No wonder if it was uncomfortable. back then. We didn't know any different.
probably didn't feel uncomfortable because we didn't know any different. See, and someone gets scared of a seagull made sense. Why wouldn't someone get scared of a seagull pass we didn't question it.
So we had that little t shirt on the scale of a seagull t shirt. As an example, as an adult walking around wearing the same t shirt, constructed it construct your movement. In fact, it actually damaged your body. It damaged the growth, it mess up probably your spine, your shoulders, your neck, your posture.
If we take it literally, but worse and damaging your body can damage your mind and your life. So we can just get rid of that T shirt. And all those different items of clothing that perhaps we've been wearing. Since childhood lamb go rip them off. Get rid of them forever. And you go and buy some new clothes, clothes that you like clothes that you want to wear clothes that fit you as you are and how you want to be the relaxed,
calm, confident person. You can wear those clothes. Someone that isn't affected by stuff. They don't need to be affected by someone that can enjoy your life. So I'm going to leave you with that thought or those thoughts. And I shall speak to you very soon. Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself. And I mean Be kind. Be gentle. Lots of love. Bye

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