#124 Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety & Panic Attacks - "INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ARE JUST THOUGHTS" (Jason Newland) (24th April 2020)

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Hello, welcome to Jason newland.com. My name is Jason Newland, this is relaxation, hypnosis for stress, anxiety and panic attacks. And, yeah, please only listen when you can safely Close your eyes. And in today's recording, I'm going to talk about intrusive thoughts. Yay. Doesn't that sound yummy, intrusive thoughts. And before I start, I'd like to say a big thank you to Allie. And so I'm trying to think this, I'll talk a little bit about my intrusive thoughts. And I'll just see what happens. I don't know you. I don't always know where the recordings gonna go. Which is okay, I think. But it always comes down to the same sentence. With all these recordings always comes back to the same sentence. Be kind to yourself. So wherever we start off, in fact, I'd like to start from that, be kind to yourself, but wherever we go, it always comes back down to that line of Be kind to yourself. Remember, to be kind to yourself, which is not always very easy. It's not always very easy. But still needs to be done, needs to be remembered need to, if you can bring it back to that. Or else Or else. And I also like to thank everyone for listening to recordings on this podcast, because this is now the pretty much one of the most popular podcasts out of all the ones I've got. I'm averaging over 1000 downloads a day, just on the the in some specific podcast, that's about the other places, it's it's as well. So thank you, and I'm glad that it's well hopefully it's useful. intrusive thoughts, intrusive thoughts? What are they? kind of obvious question, obvious answer to the question, but is it? Maybe it is rather big, big gap of silence there? Well, I always thought intrusive thoughts. This is what I used to think they were
is when your mind is telling you do that thing. To do something, for example. We hear in extreme a horrible court cases, you know, you hear that the person says, will love my job. I heard voices telling me I had to do this to do this horrible act.
That's what I used to. That's what I used to class is intrusive force. So I never used to really think that I had them
by don't hear a voice. Then have it hear a voice saying do this. It's not like it's outside of myself, or it's a different person. I don't have that. And that's that could be a much. You know, that's that could be a different mental health issue completely. And it's not necessarily intrusive thoughts. Could be I guess, but I'm going to talk about the kind of intrusive thoughts that I experience. And maybe you can relate to this. And I'm not sure how much I want to share with you. So to be fair, is a little embarrassed about some of the intrusive thoughts that I've had over time. So OCD has been you know if you if you look if you look at intrusive thoughts go online look at the books so very much paired up with OCD as far as the literature the books about intrusive thinking intrusive thoughts any idea is just thinking of things you don't want to think you know so it's not like another voice speech your issue think about stuff that you don't want to think about so it's a split thing isn't it is like if you is and we have that in other situations so definitely you can be with your with someone that it could be your best friend's partner and you can be attracted to them and you know that he can't nothing could ever happen but you're not you know you're a human being and the attraction is a natural chemical reaction to the other person is not something you can control you can remove yourself from the situation of course and you can also perhaps feel guilty for it. It's guilt doesn't really I think if it stops you doing anything that's gonna harm yourself or your friend then I suppose guilt could be useful but not a big fan of guilt. not a huge fan of it. It's overrated so the idea that we have these thoughts they just come into your mind we all have them everyone has them so we can't close this off as being special because we haven't because everybody does just not everybody talks about it and I saw a sentence or read a sentence in a book recently that people were more likely to talk about intrusive thoughts if it's funny if it's a funny intrusive for they might share it but if it's a horrible intrusive for they might not share it so if they have an intrusive for it says push that old lady over even though there's no way in the world they would ever do that. It's just a it's just one of millions of thoughts that we have. But the reason it sticks The reason not sticks with the reason it's memorable is because it's horrible. Because it's disgusting. And it makes us feel horrible. Which is why we notice it more possibly. But other intrusive thoughts like let's have a bar chocolate. I want to be a football. You know, I want to I want to be a superstar singer. I want to be myself being able to fly like Superman. I mean, it could be hundreds of 1000s of thoughts that are just preposterous. preposterous. concept, word, purpose, tourists, tourists, something like that, silly. And I'm not even going to edit, edit, can't speak today. I'm not even going to edit it out.
There. Whatever my words. Jason Use your words, okay. So we have all these thoughts, these, which were good classes intrusive, but they don't bother us because they're not harmful. They don't Jarvis, they don't grab our attention. But the idea of doing something nasty or evil to ourselves or to another person that's noticeable. That's jarring that that grabs your attention. Naturally. The idea behind this talk, this lecture. This conversation is a dose. In truth intrusive thoughts are no different from the ones where all the others, the hundreds of 1000s that you have
Maybe millions of intrusive thoughts you have. And I have they're all the same are just thoughts meaningless thoughts. And I suppose one of the reasons this is, you know, could be important in a sense of stress anxiety is because I've had thoughts in the past that I've really for some reason held on to
not wanting to do them. But hold on to them in a sense of feeling absolutely shitty about myself. really feeling disgusted with myself beating myself up sometimes for days on it in the past, not so much these days.
I've even got intrusive thoughts that I remember going back to when I was a kid, an intrusive for the this was a weird one, because this is based on software, she really happened.
This lady fell over on the floor outside my school when I was probably about five or six fell flat down on a face. I was one side of the fence. She was the other side of the fence. And for some reason I told myself that I did that I caused that I caused her to fall down on a face I mean, you know realistically we know that's not possible. And if I had if I had magic powers or some kind of superpowers I could cause things to happen then I wouldn't be I wouldn't have been standing in a schoolyard I wouldn't have been at school I'd have been in a mountain of chocolate eating constantly chocolate surrounded by all my favorite television characters performing for me you know that's if I had those kind of powers to make anything happen I wouldn't make
a middle aged woman fall over on her face by really believed that I'd done that so that's one of those intrusive thoughts that was a bit different because
it was after the fact after that it was instantly after was almost at the same time. As she was falling I was believing I was causing her to fall very very unusual. Another time always I won't go into details but there was a person and I actually had a knife and softness I said stab them to be it wasn't it wasn't like a voice but just like I wanted to just before bad just stabbing this person. And this is when I was 13 probably 14 sickened me is sickened me is still kind of sickens me. Because I remember it I remember it so vividly. And I didn't understand why would I think about doing something like that. I didn't do it. I mean, you know I say that I'm in no way people no one is there but I didn't honestly I didn't do anything like that. But I felt like I had I don't think I could have felt more guilty even if I had actually done it all was on if I recall I think at one point I wants to go to the police station. The head myself in there my my brain sort of like oh, what are you going to hand yourself in for? Because you had a thought contain yourself infer something you haven't done?
But then I was worried what if I do do it? What if it happens again? So that was a very that's something I kept inside. And I'm not sure if I've ever told
maybe told one or two people in my entire life, maybe one person, which would be putting my therapist. I don't think I've ever said it on a recording, but maybe I have I mean, I lose track of what I talk about. But genuinely, this is someone that I cared about would never do it. Never. No way in the world would I have wouldn't do to anyone. Not that age. You know, hours, unless it was self defense, but outside of that, no.
But I just absolutely couldn't believe it as I felt like my brain is something wrong with me.
I felt I really felt that I maybe I was possessed. The devil have taken over my head head, you know. And that could be that could be the downside of living with Catholic nuns for a couple of years, is if you that sort of ingrained in religion, sometimes that stuff can kind of seep in a little bit. So when you try and make sense of stuff, I mean, I end up trying to make sense of it in a in a Catholic way. Like must be the devil must have been possessed.
Whenever religion it could be a similar thing. So perhaps that's where I was coming from with that.
But I wasn't possessed. I'm pretty sure I wasn't. I felt awful. And it was known I could talk to about it. I mean, there's a chance I don't know if I'd gone to someone I might have ended up getting taken away by social services.
I don't know even sectioned. Who knows? If I'm gone I was having those kind of thoughts.
There's only like a one off. But that extreme and it was awful. And it's almost followed me around. I never really forgiven myself for it. Which is unhealthy actually. Imagine not forgiving myself for a fault. Not for an act.
But just for thought. One out of millions and millions and millions of thoughts that we've had in the last 49 years. Must be millions is Gabi Messner? I rarely act on my thoughts. But sometimes I do. That's what I'm worried about. intrusive thoughts because I don't know if I've mentioned this I had to, I kept thinking about destroying my book collection. And eventually I did destroy our book collection must have been two days ripping the books up by hand, blood all over my hands, blisters carts, everything and I was in some kind of ecstatic bipolar frenzy or something I don't know. And you know, I've really great as my life's book collections. So is hundreds and hundreds of books. But I had thought about doing it Previous to that sets that start gone got me thinking Oh, nice. So five, I think about something maybe I'll we'll do it.
batch the that was I think it was a different scenario. Different kinds of so it would be very helpful from doula recording saying, don't worry about intrusive thoughts, because, you know, we're never we're never cared about anyway, and I'm just talking about one that did carry out. But that wasn't harmful to anyone else. It was harmful to me only emotionally physically. To my hands, but that they healed up over a week or so. But that was more due to my mental state at the time.
My friend that said to me years ago, used to work on the trains at nights used to work on the train tracks on the underground, in London, learned and he he he thought about just stepping on the life track, the Wonder would just basically turn into dust instantly.
I'd like a million volts However, he didn't know why. He just thought, oh, maybe I'll do that. They didn't end he's still alive. Why wouldn't have been alive? If he'd done that? There's no way he'd he'd have been.
Well, to be fair, I wouldn't be mentioning it because I would never have known that it for about doing it. Certainly, because I was living within the said I'd this width for earlier about just push it put my foot on this live track rail track. I don't know why. So long time ago. So I think instead of being compassionate, or caring or even interested, I think I just said, Can you just please pass the joint? Or can you shut up I'm watching Telly, or something. So I wasn't much often much used to him back then. For a long time ago. It's like 95 9095. Yeah. But we all have intrusive thoughts. And I think the point behind this was originally when I first started making the recording back in
22 minutes ago, is that they don't really mean much. They're just thoughts. And the only reason the horrible one standout is because a horrible
I'm sure there's people in the zoo. Some people ever fought fly all one below, climb over the overdue over the gate into the line, then wonder what that would be like? Well, have we all kind of know what that will be like? There's videos on YouTube for that. But most people wouldn't do it. And most people know that do do it. on pretty much guarantee they're not just wandering around, enjoying the zoo, with their family. And suddenly think, Oh, I think I'll climb into the pit of lions. I'd imagine most of the people there is imagine I mean, I can't say this for sure. Every single one and the people that have done that. were ill. You'd have to be able to do that. Or you've never even though you didn't know what what a line was. I mean, perhaps someone's at the zoo and see this big lion thinking, Oh, it looks so cuddly. I've never seen one of them before. I want to cuddle it. Probably not. So the person's possibly. Well, I'd say 100% very unwell at that time. And more than 90 went to the zoo to do that. didn't just happen across a couple of lines and think, oh, I'll have a chat.
Because interesting is that you never if that was the case? The people well, people and people will generally follow what the intrusive thoughts then wouldn't the penguin area be full of people, full of kids. Everyone want to get in with a monkey's let's face it. Who wouldn't want to get in play with a ping with a penguins
But no one does. So that's an intrusive four, which is funny. The idea I'll get in play with penguins has ridiculous. Even a child will see that as being silly.
So maybe going back to that Be kind to yourself. Perhaps with intrusive thinking intrusive thoughts, we can perhaps be a bit way including myself a bit more gentle. Maybe try and have a sense of humor about it as well. Because you know, you know yourself, you know that you're a decent person, you know that you got a huge amount of kindness inside you.
And thinking something does not make it so. A thought doesn't make it an action. An action makes it an action. I can think of picking that water bottle up. It's over there.
Very different from actually picking it up. As Andre is on the floor could aka just stamp on his head. Think about it. I'd never do it. But besides, he'd beat me up if I tried. That thought is the most disgusting fur I could come up with. The most disgusting thing I could imagine ever doing. hurt my little boy.
Andre the fabric. And it feels horrible to say it. But it's not real. It's not real. It's just a thought.
It's no more real than flying into the sky. With my magic slippers. No more real to me being crowned the heavyweight champion of the world boxing champion. It's never gonna happen is ridiculous. It's not gonna happen. I'm never gonna miss never gonna win the Miss World competition. Or the Mr. Olympia. can imagine doing it? Why don't you become a bodybuilder? Yeah. You think about it if he's in a wheelchair. And you might be. And you've got the thought saying, Why don't I? Why don't I run up that hill. You might have to thought because perhaps in the past, you weren't in a wheelchair. And you dismiss it. It might be. It might have been uncomfortable for you, like might be great. Thanks for reminding me. I'm in a wheelchair, which is what I've kind of just done right now, as well. But that wasn't my intention. But you dismiss it straight away. I know I can't jump over a wall. I've got proper lower back issues these days. And there's things I can't do. I can't do Taekwondo anymore, because I can't do the kicks. Not about hurting myself. So head stop. I can still punch but I can't kick. And nothing I can do is going to make that change. Maybe a lower back replacement, hip replacement. I don't know. I'm never gonna win. The Olympic gold in Taekwondo. ain't gonna happen, no matter how much I think for train or joining Olympics or getting the Olympic team for Great Britain. No.
Just like I'm not gonna shoot someone either. I'm not gonna hurt anybody. I'm not gonna hurt myself. It's the same category. It's just something stick. Because they're disturbing.
And I've had, I think with, say, different kinds of intrusive thoughts and someone that's suicidal has intrusive thoughts, and some people do. Some people have followed those thoughts through to action. You know, can't we can't deny that. And if there is anyone listening to this, please, please Please, please seek help. Just being kind to yourself is not enough. It's something that you need to do, but you need to seek professional help. And be kind to yourself course. And that is being kind to yourself. Get help. Don't, don't do you don't have to deal with it on your own. There are lots of people out there that will listen to you might be a neighbor might be a friend. You know, worst worst case scenario, but if you anybody that can't get hold of the mental health team, or doesn't know where to go, go to the hospital, to the emergency ward of the hospital, and just tell them what you want to do. And they will keep you there. And they will get someone to speak to you and to talk to you to listen to you, doctor, maybe someone else. So I thought I'd just add that I know this recording isn't about that subject. By Thank you, I would be remiss to completely ignore the fact that some people do have invasive faults during severe depression. And sometimes they do follow through. I had intrusive thoughts when I was depressed in the past was one time I used to go to work. And all I wanted was someone to shoot me in the head. I know it sounds absolutely bonkers. You know, I really you know, just sounds ridiculous. I hated the job so much. I was so low. I'll be walking I could hardly move my body stressed so stressed so anxious of live and stepping foot into that building. And I wanted someone just walk behind me and shoot me an AED. And I was hoping for I literally was hoping course it wasn't going to happen. But that was I guess that was beyond intrusive thinking I was holding on to a thought that was wishing for something.
And it feels horrible. To think that I've been like that. And other times you know different things. And she intrusive thinking intrusive thoughts only have the power that we allow them to. That's the thing, I only have the power that you give them.
Because you could say well, if you're gonna give that intrusive thought, your attention then isn't it fair to give all of them your attention, which means you can never do anything because you're gonna spend the rest of your life just focusing on your bombardment of 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of thoughts every day. You'd never be able to get anything done. And most of it is absolute drivel as well. It's just stuff like clouds in the sky. Going by amaze the equivalent of Walker running around with a bucket when it's raining trying to catch every individual raindrop. You can't do it. You can try to do it but you ain't gonna succeed you know the idea that one raindrop can hit the ground in the garden area. Okay, good luck with that ca Get on. Eventually you're just gonna check the bucket on the floor and come back inside watch Telly realizing that it was pointless.
So intrusive thoughts. Really what I was aiming at with this recording is not let Don't let them affect you in the way that maybe you have And perhaps don't take them as seriously, as they seem to want to be taken.
Because they're just thoughts. In a slot when you watch a movie, it's not real. Just a movie. I know some people like to watch movies and get really into the emotions of it. I don't really do that, to be fair. Sometimes. I remember when I went to see et, when I was about 10. I don't know when at whatever year it was 1980 it wasn't 10. And I was determined not to cry. Because I heard that everyone's crying when they were watching it. Everyone at school that had seen it already said, Oh, we cried. I said, I'm not gonna cry. I'm a boy. I'm cry. Did I cried. I'm not sure what that has any relevant to anything. My story, but at I guess I just wanted to tell someone about my I've had gone to CT showing off. It will be outdated story, really. But I did have those intrusive thoughts saying you shouldn't cry. Should shouldn't cry, your boy shouldn't cry. It's wrong to cry. So I wonder what intrusive thoughts you have. Because don't have to be really horrible. To have a negative effect on our lives. Doesn't have to be like really grim, disgusting things like perhaps color things I mentioned, from my life. But is it useful? Are those intrusive thoughts useful? And how seriously, do we have to take them? Because if you take that one Seriously, what makes you not totally other Seriously? And if you ignore 99, point, 9.9 point 9.9% of the thoughts, intrusive thoughts. Why would you take these ones seriously, when you know, that they're just thoughts? When you add logic and logic in emotion, don't really fit together very well. So sometimes, it's a bit more than logic, or a few different versions of logic and a bit of thinking and a little bit of emotion behind it as well. If you had someone you care about telling you that they had a thought of doing something, and I felt really bad. And they felt really awful about themselves, because they had this thought of pushing someone over, for example. What would you say to them? Would you say?
good idea? Probably not. Would you laugh at them as possible? Is it possible that in the past, I would have laughed and dependent Who said it? You know, because some people have a really comedy delivery, even when I say something serious? So I do sometimes laugh when people tell me something. Because of the delivery, not because of the content. I had had that once with a client when I was counseling.
I didn't laugh but I laughed inside. And I had to stop myself laughing because it's really serious. But his delivery was better than a stand up comedian.
As well as almost like he was telling a joke. But he was talking about his own life. who couldn't believe I was like, Wow, it's very confused. It's like getting the giggles a funeral. Or you know you can't laugh. You have to wait. And hope that journey. Is it a eulogy that someone gets up and says, tells you a funny story or even mildly funny. Nice you can just laugh hysterically and let it all out. And people can look at you, but at least all I can judge you is maybe over laughing
but you know actually laugh in Germany at the service. Even though it's not funny, he just maybe got the giggles
of it, you will get the giggles sometimes that may be annoying when it's June job interview. doesn't quite work. So once you got the giggles Yes, years ago with a client, as a young lad, and I don't know what it was, he was funny. And he said something to me. While I sit side to him, and he laughed, and he said something to me, I laughed. And we kept laughing. We both got the giggles. So we had to end the end the session. very unprofessional. But there was no what nothing else we could do. Because we were both laughing he was making me laugh, I was making him laugh, or we were just laughing anyway.
So I'm guessing he felt better at the end of that session than he did at the beginning.
So he kind of had laughter therapy without realizing it. But from my side, I was like, Oh my goodness, that Sydney have gone that way.
So intrusive thoughts. We always have them that way. You could say it's just a thought.
on all fours a bit intrusive. In a sense of it's not a bit bit being a bit picky. Only, like the nice thoughts. Money couldn't be only going to be accepting of the nice thoughts. I'm only going to like my child and my child is being nice. I'm only gonna appreciate being alive when it's nice weather outside. It's very limited thinking isn't it's very limiting ourselves. I'm only gonna appreciate the good, the good ideas I have. Which means we start if you do that, if you're a creative person, which everyone is. If you have a creative job or creative hobby. The idea that every single picture you paint has to be perfect. Otherwise, there's no point even started it. Every drawer in every sculpture, every poem, every book you write has to be perfect. first draft otherwise, there's no point starting it. The only ideas, the only ideas that have good ideas, we don't want any crappy ideas, no rubbish ideas, just perfectly brilliant ideas. It's top having ideas. You basically sent telling your mind that you don't want 99% of your ideas. Because even with comedians, I say 99. But let's say for a comedian thinking of jokes, probably, I'll be generous to that the best comedians, perhaps 20% of their ideas are usable. from thinking about it to actually then changing, they're changing their game changing again, add in this manipulate in the words. But from its very beginning. How many of those ideas actually could be used on stage as a one liner? I'd say possibly 1%. Maybe a little bit more. So if you put in your brain a minute ago, only one only want those perfect ones. Your brain will stop giving you stuff that you can then create into something more So if we sell we say to ourselves, we don't want any intrusive thinking
intrusive thoughts. Then you say, Well, I don't, I don't want to be creative anymore. I don't want to play, you don't want your imagination to work anymore. I no longer want to have an original idea. I no longer want to think about fantasize about a holiday that I'm going to have or plan to have in the future.
I no longer want to imagine my child growing up and leaving home and going to university or taking taking my daughter for her first driving lessons. You know, whatever it could be? No, do you really want to get rid of all
the creative side of our brain the imagination, because that's the only way to get rid of any kind of intrusive thinking, which everybody has constantly just give more importance to the unpleasant ones. Even though there is meaningless as the pleasant ones, or silly ones. majan If I grew a giraffe neck, I can have that intrusive thought. Imagine if while I'm watching this television show on my
I know my hands turn into antlers. I can think that I'm not going to grasp on to it and really give it much thought.
Probably not. So fine thinking they're sitting there watching Telly thinking something ridiculous like I was set fire to that punch bag. I don't want to do that. Well imagine doing that. can imagine anything anything mentioned if he was Agatha Christie? It mean you've been dead for a long time. But other than if you're Agatha Christie, or Stephen King. Those people that spent They spent their careers thinking up horrible scenarios. Stephen King more so disgusting, disturbing and gruesome ideas. So basically, Stephen King is his intrusive thoughts on paper, expanded use of creativity. So if there was no intrusive thoughts, we wouldn't have Stephen King. We wouldn't have those books. which I'd actually be fine with. But, you know, it's loved by millions have never really ever watched. I've watched the films or not read the books. We have no books. There's no intrusive thinking no intrusive thoughts, revenue books without no television,
no radio shows. No comedy, no music. People wouldn't ask each other out probably there'd be perhaps a whole world or just become extinct? Because how would there be any action without thought to start with?
So even the so maybe we need to get rid of the word intrusive
and just had them as thoughts. thoughts. Is it useful? useful thoughts? unuseful. Thoughts? Nice thoughts, silly thoughts, you can label them creative thoughts, sexy thoughts,
funny faults. So perhaps some of this word in this used is not very helpful. I can see why it's used. Because as I said, when I was said the beginning when I thought of intrusive thought thoughts. I thought of really extreme situations. When someone's hearing voices Tell him to do something absolutely disgusted me horrible. But everybody has intrusive thoughts. Everybody has thinking thoughts that doesn't fit in with who they are. But why wouldn't we look look at what we were around, or what we see on the telly, or we read in newspapers. Or we see on the internet on social media, or the movies, we've watched all the television programs or watched, or stories we've heard other people or how they act and what they say, what we see on the news. Of course, we're going to have thoughts that are not always positive.
I mean, Andre is just run over. Going to the toilet on the carpet, completely ignored the paper. My intrusive for is to yell at him. look so cute. So I won't. So if this is of any use at all, maybe rewording realizing that thoughts are thoughts? It's just a thought. On the paper later, sorry, I'm talking to Andre Odisha. shouldn't do that one. I'm talking during the recording. But
yeah, maybe thoughts are just thoughts. Just an idea. It's just a thought. Let me know what you think. And my next recording, I'm probably going to do a relaxation session, which is possibly good news to some people. What do you keep going on talking about stuff, just do a relaxation session. I hope some of these are useful just because to think about something in a different way, can change the way you think about it? And the way you feel about it? And realizing that you're not alone? You're not the only one that has what? We have these thoughts, that always very helpful, we're nice.
No, it's not always. I don't always like to say, yeah, we're all in the same boat. And, you know, there's a part of me that likes to think, well, I'm unique. I won't be like other people. But we are all unique, but we are also like other people as well. We all are similar to each other,
yet very different. We all have similarities, because we're human. And especially in a society, raised in a specific society that you're in,
we all generally sort of fall are forced to live by those societal rules from a very early age. So I think it is affected by that mean in some parts of the world that don't even acknowledge mental illness, which is a little bit scary. So you know, the world isn't, hasn't come together with this stuff. Some places I don't think it is, if at all. This is the person's possessed. Someone's got schizophrenia, or Tourette's, for example. And that sort of mental illness is a neurological disorder but I think other got Tourette's
or the you know, someone's got someone's having an epileptic fit and they're possessed by the devil being taken over by a demon, also, you know, and I can understand where they're coming from, in the sense of it does look
a bit like the exorcist movie, when someone's having a seizure, just in a sense of being our control of their own body and, and it's awful.
But that's where, you know, having no intelligence, I suppose shouldn't say intelligence, but having knowledge with education helps, I think. So maybe we can use that education for ourselves to realize that we're okay. We are okay. Doesn't mean that there's no illness doesn't mean doesn't mean that I don't have bipolar. But I'm okay. It's okay to not be okay. I think is a title of a book. But I have not I have not read. It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to have thoughts. That's all eyes thoughts. I can only control you, but they can't control you. Even if you let them they still can't control you. Because you're the one doing the controlling. Because if we sort of say okay, I've got this thought therefore I'm gonna follow through because I'm, it's controlling me. I'm lying to myself. I'm just using it as an excuse to do that thing. can control me? Nothing can control us. Nothing can control us. We are in control of what we do. Example les Louis, lots of arguments that no i don't i call when I see read or see read. I cannot be I have to punch people. Okay, so what did you punch the policeman? Why didn't you attack the doorman? Or can you you went for the the skinniest week is looking person that you could find and when to be them up. Because you can control yourself. People can they make out they can but they can a lie to themselves. And I'm not talking about people that are just so out of it. They know what they're doing. They're just generally we all can control ourselves. It's all about controlling. We've all we all can be aware of what we're doing.
Yeah, might not be true, but I like to think it is. So that's the end of this session. And as ever remember to be kind to yourself, because you do deserve to be happy.
And being kind to yourself in these situations remembering just a thought. Just a thought. The meaning it has some meaning you get it. Just like anything else. in your life, the only meaning anything has is the meaning that you give it
the only meaning it has to you have a different meaning to another person. So I went to much what my brother's wedding. The meaning to that was just the most wonderful day of his life. Most Beautiful day of his life and something to remember forever marrying the love of his life. For me, it was free food and free
alcohol. different meanings. Anyway, I'm going to go Thank you for listening. And do do be kind to yourself Jen genuinely. It's really important, not just it's easy to say In these times it's difficult you know anyone with anxiety stress bipolar, any kind of mental disorder, OCD, anorexia, whatever it might be. It's difficult all year round is difficult whether it is a pandemic or not. You know, it's it's it's a challenge to have a mental illness or mental health issue where however you want to word it, especially a lifelong one, such as bipolar, which unfortunately just doesn't go away. It's is with you, as like a was like a boil on the bomb honestly, follows you around. So be kind to yourself. But maybe give yourself a little bit extra love a little bit extra love at the moment. So take care, and I will speak to you next time which will probably be tomorrow. Lots of love. Bye

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