#122 Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety & Panic Attacks - "COMPASSION REDUCES STRESS" (Jason Newland) (21st April 2020)

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Hello, welcome to Jason newland.com. My name is Jason Newland, this is relaxation, hypnosis for stress, anxiety and panic attacks. Please only listen when you can safely Close your eyes. So for this, there might be some background sounds because there's a little ferret called Andre are running around. I was hoping they'd be asleep, but he's decided to be active at this moment. So I decided to make the recording anyway. So I hope you're okay with that. It's not going to be a guided relaxation session is going to be an exercise that you can do in order to help to change how you feel about something that stressed you out, perhaps today or yesterday, something that happened, that it's just wound you up, and it's, it caused stress to arise. And when you think about it, it that is a horrible feeling, basically. And, you know, you're very lucky that you've got the sound effects of a ferret in the background. You don't get that anywhere else. Very, very fortunate, although he looks like he's going to sleep now. So that's good.
So before we start, before we sort of go to change the way you feel about this particular incident. Like, think about it, think about what happened. It could be something that someone said to you something someone did to someone, or maybe someone hasn't kept their promise. Or you know, could be it could be there's a million different possibilities, I guess.
So when you think about that event that happened recently, what's your level of stress was the stress level, or anxiety level? From zero to 1010? Being the top zero being? Nothing? And if it's zero, then there's no point in thinking about it. Because it's, in some ways, if it's zero, you probably might even struggle to think about it because the brain is just not interested. Your mind's not interested. So when zero is decided polling is no more important than you know what clouds are going past. When you're walking down the street, you might be a cloud that look like like a boat in the sky, but you didn't see it doesn't matter. Makes no difference to your life. might have been amusing if you had seen it. But it's not important. Just like how often someone in another part of the country has a bath or has a shower. unimportant. It doesn't affect your life. So you know, what would your stress level be about that? I don't mind would be zero could not care. doesn't affect me? doesn't doesn't register. So this is where you know, that's the level of zero 10 I think it's quite self explanatory. It's that's the point where it's too much. For some people, eight would be too much. For some people seven or six or five even will be too much. You know, we've all got our own level of what you know what is comfortable, what is manageable, what is just, I know overload. Sometimes you can it's overload if you raise it Enough, it pops. In fact, economy has no choice but to pop. So we could do that. You know, if you think about it, think about the thing. Notice what number is on that scale of zero to 10. of discomfort stress, as you think about it. And knows how you physically feel, bear in mind that this isn't going to last very long. But you know, this recording is a short recording.
And whatever discomfort you may feel, is only for a short time. Plus, one of the problems with listening to me is, is quite hard to get those,
again, touch those negative feelings is because when you when you do think about it is changed. You don't have the same doesn't have the same effect as it did before. And it doesn't make sense why it's reduced, the stress levels just reduced naturally. Maybe it's because you connect, feeling more relaxed, when you hear my voice, or when you listen to these recordings.
Maybe it's because you're ready for that memory to be become less effective. When it comes to you know, getting those feelings that were negative before.
It's maybe it's already faded, and you didn't realize that it had faded. And you'd been trying really hard to keep it going. Not purposely kind of in a self harmed way. But there is a certain comfort in discomfort, which sounds very weird, but you know, I'll be the first to admit that I love feeling sorry for myself at times. I know it's not something that was supposed to admit to I do. I wallow in it, sometimes. Not all the time. But sometimes. And there's a familiar feeling that comes with that, that familiarity of blaming another person have not taken responsibility myself for how I feel. Like I'm also like, like I'm a small child and I don't have any control over anything. Which isn't the case if you're an adult when you I was small child is factually factual that you have control of very little as far as you know, go to school parents, you know, you kind of have to do what you're told a lot of the time. But as an adult, we do have choice, a lot more choice, which is one of the good things about being an adult I guess. That and I guess other things as well as lots, there's lots of good things about being a kid as well. So for any kids, listen, it's gonna get better. We can also be good now. So you got this thing I think for the one of the things to remember is to move away from the catastrophizing of a situation because Oh lovely. Thanks, Andre. Nice days making a lot of noise before going to sleep. Make it that's all on purpose. So catastrophizing is something that children naturally do. You know, they get told by a school bully, I'm going to kill you after school. And I really believe that some of that actually gonna get killed and they're not. Or the parent might say, if you do that again, I'm going to kill you. Or and I believe it even though it's not True, they sometimes a small child, or they'll take it very seriously, it's like you very literally, and it's not their fault. It's because the person is saying that those things to them are often the most important person in their life. So the person that they trust the most out of everyone else. So there's a good chance they're gonna believe what they're told by that person. Weird concept. But anyway, we're talking about adults who I think we can refer back to that a little bit. As adults, we better revert back to that childhood brain of, Oh, no, this is it, this is all all gone wrong, it's never going to get better. And it's all his fault, or it's all her fault. Which again, is just a childish way to look at things. And we all do it, I do it. I'm not saying in a judgmental way at all. It's something that we all do to different, different levels. It's also something that isn't particularly useful. So right now, I'm blaming Andre, for all the noises, making and running around. And even though I could have been doing this in a different room, and I could have put him in a pot, he put in his cage, wherever, I'm still gonna blame him. Because it feels better. And I like blaming him for stuff like that. Because then I don't have to take responsibility.
But it's not causing me distress. So there's something to be said for realizing that, that part of us where we blame other people is the child as the child brain, you know, the, the brain, the child's brain that hasn't grown up yet. Because you know, we all grow up, we all supposed to, we all do have a, mostly have the ability to develop our brains to realize that blaming other people is what a child does. So that's, I know, it's not the most popular thing to hear. But I do also add to that, I do it myself, I love blaming other people been aware of it. So it's hard, it's harder to do it, when you know that you're doing it, it becomes a little bit harder to do. And to, because in order to really blame other people, you need to believe it. Or once you know that you're doing it. Once you know that you're just being a child, you can no longer believe that the other person is to blame, or completely to blame. They change his name as he emphasized, you know, realizing that even if there's a conflict, the other person has their own issues. So they might have been rude to you, but it might have nothing to do with you. They might be I like to think of it. In the extreme. I like to go extreme with this stuff. So someone's being rude to me, maybe it's a cashier in a supermarket. In my brain, there's there's two ways to go. There's the I hate or hate him. And they've made me feel this way now. And now I'm angry and stressed because of them. And they've made me feel this way. That's one way to go. And it feels comfortable familiar. And I'm very good at doing that. Because I've been you know, I've done it for years and years and I've brought into the world doing it. I was taught to do it because that's what everyone else seems to do. While everyone else seemed to do around me.
Or
I can look at it's in a different way. I can look at that person. And I can't necessarily do it in the moment. I'll be honest, doesn't always happen in the moment, but I can perhaps do it afterwards. And I couldn't think about that person who has been rude to me. I think we'll actually perhaps The reason she's been rude to me is because she's just started her shift. And she's just come from the hospice, where her mother is in hospice, really ill. And yet, she still has to come to work because she can't have time off to do that. So she has to visit her mom in a hospice before and after work, yet, she still needs to focus on putting items of food for the Bleep up, beep, beep, beep, and put on a smiley face, which is something that I don't think I could do. So then a little bit of compassion comes, sometimes a lot of compassion. And even though I know, technically, I'm making up in my head, so it might not be the case, there will be something she might have piles might have hemorrhoids Shouldn't you know, I mean, it's, a lot of people out there do. So she's sitting down, she might have be physically uncomfortable, she might have a low back problem she might have, it could be simple as she just didn't cut her toenails correctly, and didn't have enough time and she rushed it a one nails digging into the other foot. So she's sitting there in the discomfort, she might need to go to the toilet on the charger to a man now, he might need he might have had a relationship issue, you had an argument with his partner, before getting to work. He might just been told off by the manager. He might have just been to toilet and peed a bit over his trousers and is now really self conscious, even though he kind of tried to wash it off. That may be that smell of you, Ryan White stuff sort of floated out to the customers. It could be anything, it could you know, it's a lots of different things, scenarios. And what I find is, he can make it kind of amusing as well. Not to mock the person. But to take the edge off the feeling. So you can make it horrible, you know extreme, if that raises compassion within you, again, is just pretend it's just, it's just a possible scenario that might be happening. I've got a tendency to go to more the extreme because when I'm feeling compassionate towards a person, then whatever anger was there, just gone. Wherever stress I had an anxiety gone, just disappears, just disappears. So it's about using I guess what works for you. I'll give you a real life example. There is this amount of time talked about this in the past, but I've done so many recordings, I don't remember where I've talked about it. He used to work in insurance. And this man is sometimes you get customers that phone up to get quotes and they're just be rude all the way through. I mean, really just obnoxious. rude. I won't give you an example. But just just a really difficult period. Just a difficult time for everyone involved. Really, I guess. I had such a person. And every time I asked a question, would you all know therefore? Would you all know that for? Because it's the question is a question. I just want to quote would you all know that for me just he was just horrible to me, rude all the way through. And I I'll be honest, I absolutely hated. I wanted to hang up. I wanted to swear in and hang up. But I couldn't. But that's why I wanted to do you know, I wasn't interested in getting a selfie and then didn't care about that. I just wanted to call off the phone.
If I could have handed him over to another of my co workers I would have done but we weren't allowed to do that either. Occasionally, I would say to people if you get a really awkward one, just pass them over to me. Because they taught differently to different person. It's quite weird the way there is a psychology behind it. I don't know what it is. But anyway This person was stuck with him as long uncle. And one of the very last questions, and I really, my stress levels were high. Mine xiety was high. This was at a time when I was actually going through a lot of anxiety anyway, I wanted to walk out of the job, wanted to walk out without building during that call and never go back. That's how I was feeling. And I've got to one of the last questions, which was Do you have any medical conditions that affect your driving, or that may affect a driver? He said, Yeah, I've just been diagnosed with Parkinson's. You know what, and I This isn't a lie. I'm not making this up for effect.
As soon as he said that, the way I was feeling changed the way I perceived him altered completely, was no longer angry at him. I was no longer no longer disliked him. I no longer wanted to hang the phone up.
We all just went just puffed away puff puff, like a little puff of smoke or whatever you want to you know, just popped, that feeling just popped, gone.
And sometimes think that maybe the feeling was waiting to pop. And it just was waiting and needed something needed a sharp object like a pin to pop it
had to be popped from the outside. And it had to be popped from something that was different from what had come before. Because all it came before was negativity, rudeness. And I was probably not being very friendly versus probably being rude back to him. But as much as I could get away with her without getting in trouble. I definitely wasn't trying to build any rapport or trying to be friendly. I just just tried to get through it. And as soon as he said that, I finished something about the when he said I've got Parkinson's that popped, made it pop, that feeling just popped, disappeared. And I guess instead of being a sharp now, or sharp pen, it was a soft, something that was so strong. But it was the complete opposite to everything else. But it was bigger and stronger. And more important than all the other stuff. Because so up to them. It was just some silly car insurance quotation. That was not important. And I'd like to tell a story without Andre in the background, but there you go. And he wasn't there at the time otherwise it would have been a very weird conversation to hear in the background, that would have been weird. And it's soon it just it pops. And I didn't feel the weird strange thing about it is I could understand how it changed for me. Change for him as well. Now I can't tell you how he was feeling. Of course I can't I didn't ask him how he felt differently towards me after he told me that be taught to me differently. As soon as he told me that I set out sorry to hear that or something like that. And we didn't get many major medical conditions. Talk to us. During in the job. There was occasional nothing occasional you have been nothing. Not a huge amount in my memory anyway. We became best friends I mean, in life, we didn't move in, get married, but we became, during a conversation, we went from clearly disliking each other to laughing. And joking. Which is probably why I'll always remember it because it was such a strange experience. As soon as he said about Parkinson's, pop all emotion with less stress and anxiety, anger, hatred, whatever, gone, disappeared, dissolved. And he I just assume as a human being, or I wasn't looking at him because on the phone, but I experienced him as a human being, not just as a voice of someone, a customer, someone is just using up my time. Because right at the beginning the call, he said, I'm not buying anything. I just want to get a quote. When he did buy something, he bought the policy. But that's not why I liked him. Because at the end of it, we were laughing. And I didn't even asked him if he wanted to get the policy. I said, Well, thanks for that. Join me to send the quote in the post. Didn't even and that's not like me, I would always ask, even if someone said that's, that's, that's 4000 pounds more than what I've been quoted with my own company. Let's still say do you want to pay by credit card? Or do you want to do it installments? I'll always ask that a business. But with him, I said to George, want me to send the quote out in the post. I said, Now let's just get it done the phone.
Something changes. So after that, I started using that technique, in a sense of thinking was when someone's being rude to me. Or a situation, generally with because that's one of the things that get does mean the most humans, human interactions, rudeness, verbally, people that are perhaps a bit verbally abusive, or inconsiderate things like that. That's some of the things that have wound me up and stressed me out, especially living in shared accommodation. As I have done for many, while not now but in the past for years and years and years. And working with people as well can be difficult at times. So being able to like look at a situation I think Well yeah, it's different is I know, it's there was a lady that I worked with in my last insurance job. And she'd lost a child. She just come back to work after losing the child, small child, when I started working. And I couldn't, she couldn't have done anything to upset me at all. Because all it was was compassion for her in my heart. And it's not because I'm a nice person is just because how can you know? It's just a natural, it's just natural, isn't it? Knowing that someone's gone through such a horrible thing. I'd go out of my way to help her and everyone did. It wasn't just me it was she was very me. She most of the people there already knew her anyway, because I always knew that they knew her from before. And because she'd had quite a time off. And she also left again she couldn't, didn't stay at work. But just just that natural compassion so but we don't always get a chance to know Dewey about someone's stuff. Don't get a chance to know so the amount of people that maybe being rude on a bus or on a train or maybe people are working in a shop that had been rude to me or to you. They've got stuff going on. Yeah, they might have lost a baby, they might have something serious might have, they might be going through serious medical problems themselves. So it's, you know, it's different. I know it's a bit, it's a bit heavy bit of a heavy topic, topic, a bit of a heavy subject. But it's also true. And for me, it's not about trying to increase compassion. Because the compassion just automatically arises. The need to meditate for this, this is something that's in us, all of us. someone tells you something, that's his story, and it's just really quite heartbreaking story, the compassion arises doesn't just naturally, we don't have to sit there thinking, right, I'll go get myself to care. Right? Okay, let's increase my caring. No, it's there. It's always there. It's always there always available. And when the compassion completely dissolves, the anger, the stress, the anxiety. It is also it just they can't live together. It's, they're incompatible. But literally incompatible. aside, you know, some of those chemicals were one chemical will just completely destroy the neck, the other chemical is a bit like that. And that shows you my knowledge of chemistry. Very low knowledge. But then there are things that are way more powerful than everything.
So compassion, which is already there anyway. Kindness caring just the natural stuff that's in us before is just in all of us This doesn't mean Yeah, I've got compassion to me doesn't mean that I'm some wonderful person. But it's just there. We're born with PVC a small child. Like a really, really small child, putting their hands either side of the face of their parent a mom or dad, maybe their brother or sister uncle, maybe grandparent that that nurturing, caring, loving, compassionate you know, action, just put in the hands both sides of the cheeks of the person that they care about. No words are needed. So we born with that what do you think about it? Really? If you look at a baby into a baby's eyes, when the baby's not crying it is those eyes There's something quite pure isn't there is a kindness there's a calmness it's just it's not expressed because the babies so we have that it's in us all our lives. We do care even people that do horrible things. Still care still got that in them. Still, they see a person fall over to still go to help the elderly person to get up or make sure that okay I might have been robbing someone's house the night before. They might technically with class being complete scum.
But there's still human there's still got compassion didn't have much compassion for the people that they robbed.
That can grow to we've still got it in us. We've all got that compassion in this.
So when you think about that thing to remember, there was a reason for this recording. You think back to that thing, that event, that situation that bothered you before. Now, if it's disappeared, and it doesn't just don't bother you anymore. Perhaps you can think of something else that caused your stress levels. Or what you when you think about it, it's not really about, then it's about now, it's about how you feel. Now, when you think about that stuff, that's the, the main point.
And thinking about something, whether it's the same thing or something different, because the original one might just popped through the compassion, but if you think about another thing, and again, it might be hard to get hold of something, because compassion might just be delving in and kind of messing your stuff up. Playing with it and reducing those feelings, which can be a little bit annoying, especially if you'd like to be feel sorry for yourself, because I know I do sometimes. But you might not be able to do that, because the compassion is not allowing you to, and because the compassion also works towards you, as well. aims itself toward you. So feeling sorry for yourself is not necessary, because the healing, the kindness, the loving is being felt within you, towards you. healing you. So it's so strange one, really. So if you try and think of something that may perhaps even try and think of something that when you think about it, just this your stress levels increase, that's what we're looking for. knows where it is from zero to 10. As you focus on it, focus on that person in that situation. So it says a person had been rude to you, someone had been horrible to you, someone cut cut you off in a car, or someone shouted at you or wherever situation is. Maybe someone is a crime. But just thinking about the person you might not know who the person is, is imagine a worst case scenario, in a sense of what their suffering what they go through. But in my course, it may be untrue, doesn't matter. Because I think Zig Ziglar is someone that I like to listen to Zig Ziglar said, If you treat everybody by their suffering, then you be treating 100% of the people the right way. Because everybody is going through something no one's life is absolutely perfect. And his singing and dancing all day long. Not even mine. So everybody's got something, there might be physically well healthy, fit financially, well off everything they want, but doesn't mean that you know, everyone they know is in that situation. I mean, you think about it, even Steve Jobs, one of the richest men in the world
died and I couldn't stop from dying. So having everything in the world doesn't give you everything.
Which means that person has been horrible to you, rude to you. Short and courteous. Various other words that you could use just imagine that person what could be their problem maybe they're ill maybe develop mental illness. They live with bipolar like me you're emotionally unstable personality disorder like me. Maybe
they're physically unwell. Maybe they're dealing with a bereavement. Maybe they just had a flood, fire damage. It could be anything. And in these times, there's a lot of people out there that are really, really struggling at the moment,
self employed people, people, the the instability at the moment. And so it's, I've noticed there's a fair bit of rudeness out there, some people that a lot of people are friendly, but there seems to be those that don't want to sort of fit that the law applies to them. And I'll find myself getting wound up by that. But then they're also suffering. And perhaps they don't know how to deal with it. And
I'm not sure I know how to deal with it either. We kind of all do it our best, don't we really.
So perhaps that person and sub noxious comes into the shop act and Mikey's a big tough man walk into the trunk of the queue thinking, you know, not giving anyone any personal space, thinking that he's somehow important, and that the rules don't apply to him. He might actually have a very elderly parent who is unable to visit the lives the other side of the country. And all he can do is talk to her on the phone. And he's covering up by the bravado, you know, by acting like an idiot, but is covering it up, but actually is hurting inside
your nose, so many different possibilities. So as you say, I'm going to get let you choose a scenario. So if you think of that person, that's a situation My son has been rude to you. And it's caused you stress and anxiety. Think of that person think of that scenario, graded from zero to 10. Or the level of stress or anxiety. As it stands now, I realize it might be hard to get a high level reading. Because there's, I guess, there's been quite a few little pops going off of puffs of smoke gone and things have changed. But as part of the process, and I'm not going to apologize for that. Because it's kind of why a lot of people would listen. If you can find something that has an effect that has an emotional, stressful effect on you. And if you focus on it, give it zero to 10 rating. Think of that person think about how you feel about that think about how it feels physically in this moment when you think back to that scenario. Now imagine a reason why that person is acting that way. And it's not a reason because I dislike you nothing to do with you. It's a reason that a person or situation in their own life, whether it's with some I've given you quite a few examples. So do you think if you just imagine measuring that person, this all all noxious and horrible, maybe no at home crying
because of what they're going through. And maybe they feel alone knows how you feel and also knows how, what level is that? What is it just pop just goes to nothing. So that that feeling that you had before. It's just not there anymore. It's almost like he can't, he can't live with the compassion. He can't. He can't be in the same room in the same space. The anxiety, anger stress with the compassion next together hon compassions to strong
he could say love we do have love for fellow human beings, even strangers, because we are so similar, really, very different in many ways. But ultimately, we're so similar back here in our physical makeup. And with especially in your society, and a different societies have different different ways of living. But if you live in a society, you're going to be living. by those rules, we're all going to be kind of doing similar things are very similar, just humans. And is that compassion and love that we have the stare, or when you aim it, we don't mean, you don't need to aim it just arises, but then also spreads to you. And changes the way you feel about yourself as well. Changing the way you feel about yourself. And you can just check what number that is, if it indeed has even got a number anymore, you may not even be able to think about it now might just seem irrelevant.
And you can feel relaxed and calm. And perhaps if you want to you can continue doing this I'm going to end the recording, which was supposed to be a short recording but again have waffled on for for ages, the days and days and days. You can if you wish, just get rid of do it as often as you want you can re listen to this recording as often as possible. Because you may not really have to do anything just by listening has an effect and will continue to have an effect and the thing is if you if you choose you can continue with this exercise. Think about our situations if you want if you can find anything that isn't automatically just popped and released. So that brings me to the end of this recording. I want to thank you than everybody else for listening, not just you and I want you specifically and all the other listeners to be used specifically on a thank you and remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love bye

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