[00:00:00] Hello, hello everybody, welcome to JasonNewland.com, my name is Sweaty Jason, it's hot, it's very, it's a stuffy day today, it's not, it's not breezy, it's not, it's a bit, ugh, plus, I was about to have a big moan then, I won't,
[00:00:41] okay, let's have a big moan, oh, that was a nice moan, ugh, please only listen when you can safely close your eyes, so this morning, about, I wasn't actually supposed to go, well not supposed, but I decided that I was not going to go and visit my neighbour in hospital today,
[00:01:11] I was going to visit Wednesday, Friday, Monday, Wednesday, Friday this week, but after speaking to him this morning, he needed me to, he needed, yeah, I needed to go up and see him, so I did that, but before I went up, there was a lot of noise in the garden, probably about 9 o'clock, 10 o'clock,
[00:01:37] and it was the scaffolders, now I've forgotten that they were coming, so they were putting scaffolding up to put some kind of knitting around the solar panels to stop the birds from nesting, something like that,
[00:02:02] they did, the council did call me about two, three weeks ago, to let me know, and because they're basically putting a scaffolding my side of the building, now, literally, anyone can just walk up that ladder onto the scaffolding,
[00:02:24] and just get into my windows, if my windows were open, so I've got my windows closed, I've had them closed, I've got them on the latch, so there's a bit of air, but they're not open, which is how I would have them in this heat, and I kept them closed also, because I didn't know how close to the windows the scaffolding was going to be,
[00:02:54] and I needed to go out, so I couldn't leave Vinny in this living room that I normally do, because it was too warm, so I had to leave the living room door open, so he had the air, so he could, like, go from room to room, so I, he's had the access to the whole flat today, and I know that if he sits in a hallway, it's very cool in a hallway,
[00:03:24] there's no sun there, and just, you know, so he had a bit of a, it's a lot of banging downstairs, a lot of door slamming, door gasm, I don't know why people, why do people slam doors, what is it about door, is it, is it, is it, I don't know, does it cause some kind of, is there a part of the brain that gets stimulated, and it gives pleasure, that I don't know about,
[00:03:53] cause maybe I'll start slamming doors if it does give me, some kind of, door gasm, door gasm, huh, I just, I don't know, if it's a pleasurable thing, see this, that's like seven times now the door slammed, just in that short period of time, I don't know,
[00:04:21] uh, yeah, so, Mooney Mooney, McMoney, Jason McMoney, that's my name today, so now I've come back, and all the scaffolding's put up, and there's literally, it's just an entrance to my flat, to my windows, which is not the best time of year to have that, really,
[00:04:52] I mean, there's no good time, but I don't necessarily need the windows open in the winter, well, they do have the windows open in the winter, but at the moment then, it's, you know, fairly important to have them open, because of the stuffiness and the heat, but I can't go out and leave my flat with the windows open, because anyone can just walk up the ladder,
[00:05:18] and just get into my flat, and just, you know, take my stuff, and unfortunately, I live in an area where that is something that is very, very likely to happen, unfortunately, the flat downstairs got robbed, about three months ago, so yeah, it's, there's just, you know, one and all ish ting, so it is,
[00:05:48] I went to, so I went to see my neighbour today, got a taxi there, got a taxi back, same taxi driver, which is quite unusual, well, it's unusual so far, because I've had so many journeys, over the last, however many days it's been, how many, so I travelled there, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday,
[00:06:17] Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, so I did eight days in a row, then I'd sat day and Sunday off, then I went on Monday, which was yesterday, and then I went again today, which is Tuesday, so I've, you know, I've been a few times, never had the same taxi driver, the whole time, but I've, you know,
[00:06:47] this is the first time I've had two taxi drivers, you know, the same taxi driver more than once, out of that whole period, the door's still slamming, why is everyone slamming the door so much, how strange, very, very strange indeed, and so I went and visited him,
[00:07:17] I managed to get him some ice, from Costa, so he's been talking about wanting ice, in the hospital, I just need to get some ice, so you need to get, well you need to get some ice, so you do, which is not how he speaks at all, and I said, I'll get you some ice, he said, oh, it'd be good if it was in a flask, so it would, I said, a flask, yeah, it would keep it icier, for longer, yeah,
[00:07:48] I'm like, okay, so I got him a cock, I got him a cock, a coke, got him a bottle of coke, I actually thought, he was going to be nil by mouth, because, when I spoke to him, he said he was going to have a procedure done today, when I got there, he's n, n, n, nil by mouth, n, bm, or whatever it is, it's normally,
[00:08:22] yeah, it said, n, nil, nil by mouth, n, bm, they put on this board, underneath his name, I'll put a, I'll change it to dnr, I thought it would be funny, and, and, but there's nothing, nothing on there, today, there was on there the other day, when he had to, have a scan, but there was, and he, he got food, he got his, dinner delivered, he ordered his dinner, and,
[00:08:53] I went to the nurse, I said what, what's going on, isn't he having a procedure done today, because I was going to go and get him, some, a drink from costas, and I didn't want to get him a drink, if he's not allowed to have liquids, and the nurse said, this is the head nurse, he said, no, he's not having a procedure today, I said, but he said he was, well, he's not,
[00:09:22] he's always lying, isn't he, he's always lying at uncle's sausages, that's, that's what everyone calls him, Vinnie started it, so basically, Vinnie calls him uncle's sausages, because he gives him sausages, so he's got nanny treats, and uncle's sausages, that's the two people, it gives people nicknames, depending on what they give him, but now all the staff call him uncle's sausages, as well,
[00:09:53] oh duh, I don't know why that tickled me, how weird would that be, especially if there was bad news, I've got some bad news to, to tell you about uncle's sausages, so, it's, yeah, it's, I don't want to get into too much, details, but it's not, it's not, I don't think it's going particularly well, but I've gone to, the nurse, phoned the doctor while I was there,
[00:10:23] and asked the doctor, what time he's going to be visiting the ward, so the nurse said to, come there about, between 9, 30 and 10, so that I can be with, uncle's sausages, when he gets his, when the doctor tells him, whatever the doctor needs to tell him, that way I can be with, I can be there with him, no one's got to give permission, to talk to me or anything, because, uncle's sausages always gives,
[00:10:52] permission, you know, when I'm there, uncle's sausages said, yeah, you can talk to him, about anything, so, it just means, I can ask questions, or anything, if they, because uncle's sausages, doesn't always, ask, questions, that, perhaps I would ask, and I do feel like, I'm interfering a little bit, yeah, at the same time, I think,
[00:11:22] the best time to ask, a doctor, a question, especially when the doctor's, only on the ward, for a little while, is, when the doctor's on the ward, that's, you know, it's kind of the only time, isn't it, so, I'm going there tomorrow, early, it's his birthday on Friday, so I'm going there early tomorrow, going to get there by, probably, nine,
[00:11:53] and then, hear what the doctor has to say, regarding, treatment, or, whatever, where, because he's been there, for quite a long time now, and he's, he's had constant blood tests, et cetera, you know, which is normal, blood pressure being taken, and, had a little bit of medication, to try and, clear his yellowness, but other than that,
[00:12:23] he hasn't, he's not in any pain, he's not in anything like that, so he hasn't had, as far as I'm aware, any medication, outside of just, to get rid of the jaundice, and he's had a scan, like he had the CAT scan, when he, on the first day he was there, and then he's had another, big massive scan, of his whole body, which they still haven't, given him, the proper results from,
[00:12:53] or, if they have, he's not telling me, so I'm a little, he was a little bit confused, so, yeah, it's a weird one really, I just hope that, because he's now talking about, going home, he wants to come home now, he's had nothing there, which I completely understand, I mean, after, half to half an hour, I want to get out of there, it's not, it's not a place to, it's not an enjoyable place to be,
[00:13:23] less so for him, obviously, but I just, yeah, it's, I mean, in some ways, it's a bit freer, than it is, with some of the other wards, because some wards, have very strict, visit, visiting times, and, he just seems to have, a little bit more freedom, in some ways, and there's only, four beds in a ward, which is quite a small amount, compared to, some other,
[00:13:53] some wards are quite big, aren't they, he's, so he's, there's always someone around, he's never, never really has to wait, there's always, a nurse, or a care worker, within, you know, a few feet from him, so he's been looked, he's been looked after very well, it's, just yeah, it's just a, I think he's just ready to, leave the place, and his next door neighbour,
[00:14:24] who is the person in the, the bed next to him, Derek Trotter, he's actually, been released, so he's not there anymore, he left today, about 11 o'clock, can you hear that, listen to this, can you hear that, that's with the windows closed,
[00:14:54] that's a RAF, I was going to say bicycle then, RAF, thingy, ooh, so, that's the update on him, I'm just giving you an update, for those that listen regularly, for those, those that don't listen regularly, probably not sure, or you might not even know, what I'm talking about, which is fine, because that fits in with, the podcast really, so this is,
[00:15:24] this is, ooh, I just clicked my collarbone, this is, Tuesday, trivia Tuesday, that's it, I forgot what I was doing then, trivia Tuesday, Wednesday, so I thought, it'd be nice to do something, I did, I kind of tried to do, Monday's Boring Objects, yesterday, I did it last night,
[00:15:54] I released it today, but I did it last night, and then, early this morning, I edited it, and uploaded it, processed it, and stuff, but I think, I spent the first hour, talking about, my neighbour, potentially, and maybe some other stuff, and then the last 50 minutes, I spent talking about, hospitals, that I've visited, and been in, but it, you know, it could have been,
[00:16:25] to be, yeah, it could have been, four or five hours long, if I'd have really, focused on the things, I was going to talk about, it would have been, a very very long recording, and nobody wants, nobody wants that, wow, five hours long, woo woo, woo woo woo, so, I don't know what trivia,
[00:16:55] what trivia should I do, I seem to be, I kind of want to, yeah, I want to move away, from hospitals, I've had enough of it, I want to talk about, something different, um, what about the history, of medication, no, no, trivia, about, what would be the most, random thing, that we could, talk about today,
[00:17:25] most random, trivia, uh, meh meh meh meh meh meh, meh meh, okay, list, I'm going to use, chat GPT, list, 100, trivia, facts, about,
[00:17:58] umbrellas, what about umbrellas, that's, that's even too boring, for me, um, the smurfs, fairy tales, could, no, well there's got to be something, what could it be, what could it be, um,
[00:18:29] something that, I should be prepared, just a little bit prepared, for these recordings, like slightly prepared, just minimally, just by knowing, what I'm going to talk about, would be a good idea, wouldn't it, especially with, this, you know, trivia facts, or trivia Tuesday, I mean there was a time, there have been times, when I've already got, the list already in front of me, before I start, talking,
[00:19:00] but that, today is not that case, it's, I'm not prepared, at all, other than just, sitting here, with my little boy, by my side, it is, 3.26, in the afternoon, and, he's tired, I think it's the heat,
[00:19:30] I think it'd be the heat, which is making me tired, bit, bit, bit, bit, bit, ooh, what, list 100 trivia facts, about, the weather, weather, oh, if I can spell that correctly, about, summers, in, England,
[00:20:03] over, through history, through history, history, so, list 100 trivia facts, about summer, summers, in England, throughout, through history, I'm not going to ask it, to fact check it, so, if,
[00:20:33] some of the stuff, I might say, that I'm reading off here, may be, completely, ridiculously, wrong, however, I have looked into, some of this stuff, in the past, just out of interest, and, the very first one here, is talking about something, that I remember, the, the summer of 1976, was one of the hottest,
[00:21:02] and dirtiest, no, driest rather, in English history, now, I already knew that, it's one of those things, even at the age of five, because I was five at that time, and, even, at five, I knew, that there was something weird, going on, even I knew that, wow, this is hot, this is really hot, and, yeah, I remember that,
[00:21:34] super, super, super, super hot, really was, I got sunburned, I actually got, ended up covered in blisters, which is, a weird thing, but it's true, I was covered in blisters, because I was in this, I was out in the sun for, without me top on, maybe just in me, underpants, I don't know, that'd be weird, maybe shorts or something, swimming trunks, and, we didn't have,
[00:22:04] water nearby, so it was just playing, on the playing field, I guess, and, there, it's quite, this is weird though, okay, because, I remember, this, in Newcastle, and that makes me wonder, because, it just means, I lived in Newcastle, for a lot longer, than I realised, but 1976,
[00:22:33] I was in Newcastle, so yeah, so from, 70, 72 to 76, I was there, like four years, yeah, that's weird, anyway, so I, yeah, I was covered in blisters, on my back, on my front, and, I remember being put into a bath, I don't think that was the best idea,
[00:23:02] I don't think blisters, and a bath, are a good combination, but I remember that, and it wasn't, I remember all the laughter, not coming from me, so June, 2023, was officially, the hottest June, on record, in England, June 2023, 24,
[00:23:32] 25, I thought June, this year, was the hottest one, but, eh, maybe, so this, that was, I mean it was hot, there was some days, when it was, yeah, right, July, this is the third one, so I'll read this in a minute,
[00:24:01] so the great heat wave of, 1911, lasted over 10 weeks, I don't remember that one, so when people act like, oh, it's the hottest, it's a, it's never been this hot, for so long, like, yeah, it has, actually, 110, 114 years ago, but, you know, it's an abnormality,
[00:24:31] abnormally, anomaly, anomaly, anomaly, England, recorded, its hottest temperature, ever, 40.3%, centigrade, or 104.5, Fahrenheit, in Lincolnshire, on the 19th of July, 2022, now, if, I, remember,
[00:25:06] hmm, I just have a, a memory, that, that was, it was, really hot, there was one particular day, when no one went outside, apart from those people that did, it was, really, just phoning each other, saying, I'm naked, are you naked? Yeah, I'm naked as well, and it was the only time, my whole life, that I've been able to phone people up,
[00:25:36] and have that conversation, well, having a conversation, where they say, yeah, I'm naked too, um, yeah, it was good, the weird thing about it, was I was phoning people up, saying, are you naked? And they were saying, yeah, are you? I said, oh yeah, I am, I didn't realise it was hot outside, I hadn't looked, hmm, um, the summer of two, I didn't even know it was hot outside,
[00:26:04] the summer of 2003, because I put ice cubes on me bum, the summer of 2003, saw 2000 plus, heat, okay, I'm not going to read that out, it's a horrible one, oh, stop it, uh, the wettest summer on record in England, was 19, 19, 12, 19, 12, 19, oh, the wettest summer on record, 19, 12,
[00:26:34] are you sure? Because I remember some wet summers. Um, number seven, in July 1921, London saw, 32, consecutive days, without rain, 32, that's just a month, isn't it? In this country, it's weird, because, if we go more than three days without rain, there's a drought, there's a drought,
[00:27:05] hose pipe ban, and then, three days later, flood warnings, that's how it is here, it's all like, no, I don't know, it's so, short sightedness maybe, not all short memory, not remembering that, the weather is constantly changing, and, that's what this country is,
[00:27:34] England, is, it's a multiple seasonal country, in one day, it can be spring, summer, winter, all in one day, and, it might sound silly, but, the changes in the weather, can literally be that dramatic, that quick, so, what else have we got, thunderstorms,
[00:28:05] are more common in English summers, than in winter, yep, that's true, I'm agreeing with it, I can't remember the last time, I heard a thunderstorm, in the winter, because thunderstorms, seem to be more, a heat related thing, you know, the best thunderstorm, I ever remember, in my entire life, no, there's two,
[00:28:34] one was when I was really, really little, and, I was probably, five or six, in Newcastle, this is when I was in the kids home, and, we were in this, kind of yard, and, the building, there was a yard, in the middle of this big building, so we could get in, from different exits and stuff, or different entrances, so we were sheltering, on one side,
[00:29:03] the building, and, I kept saying, it's thunder, and they said, no, it's thunder, and I said, no, yes, thunder, and, they kept saying, no, it's thunder, and I said, it's thunder, and she walked off, it wasn't a very long conversation, it wasn't a very long conversation, but I just remember, and, for some reason, I just remember that conversation, and then, when, about, two, thousand,
[00:29:33] and, and, three, I think it was, wow, there was a thunderstorm, it was the biggest thunderstorm, I've ever seen, and, and I was living, quite high up, in this building, not like, super high, but, it, not high enough, to, to parachute out, but high enough, to, to not, you know,
[00:30:05] yeah, it's high enough, high enough, so, you need a rope, or rope ladder, to get down, down, but, it's not quite high enough, for a parachute, to really, gain any kind of, usefulness, probably wouldn't even be open, before you hit the ground, I never tried it, I haven't got a parachute, but yeah, it was, it was up high enough, and there was nothing overlooking it, which was quite nice, so,
[00:30:34] kind of had all the sky, and this thunderstorm, so, big, and so, lightningy, and so, thundery, and loud, really loud, I loved it, it was, wonderful, and it was during the summer, as well, so this is 2003, in the summer, and it was, powerful,
[00:31:05] powerful, really good, it was a, it was a good moment, what other thunderstorms, can I remember, not many really, no, no, not many, thunderstorms, thunderstorms, can I remember, any thunderstorms, no, I don't seem to be able, to remember any,
[00:31:35] there's been lots, thoughts, I remember the day, that Elvis, left us, in 1977, it, I think it thundered, on that day, during the day, and it was in the summer, and the rain, the rain, we got absolutely, drenched, but it was warm, so it wasn't, it wasn't, an uncomfortable, soaking, it was, quite a nice, soaking in fact, I mean,
[00:32:04] if you're ever going to get, completely soaked, that seemed like, quite a good time, to have it happen, and it was quite a good day, to have it happen as well, because, a lot of people, were sad, that Elvis, had left us, so, it's like really weird, weird day that was, I was, I was upset as well, but, for different reasons, I mean, I'll be honest, I didn't, I knew who Elvis was,
[00:32:34] but I was, I was six years old, so I wasn't, so kind of, up, up with, who he was, or what he did, I knew he sung stuff, so my oldest brother, was upset, because he was a massive fan, and all the, TV, because he was watching on the TV, all the news, every channel, had news stories about him, so all the other, all the other programs, were cancelled, this was Saturday morning,
[00:33:05] and it's like, you know, and I was upset, because, every channel had his, were talking about him, and there's no cartoons on, so, I was five, no, six, six, in August, 2004, oh, there was one time, I got drenched, where, oh, yeah,
[00:33:35] I think it was a thunderstorm, as well, and I walked to my dad's, on Christmas day, this would be, 1989, 1990, maybe, 19, hmm, yeah, maybe, I, hmm, I think so, probably about, 1990, Christmas,
[00:34:05] day, and on the way, to his house, which wasn't, wasn't a long journey, it's probably, 20, 25 minute walk, I, got, soaked, so, I'm annoyed, I'm, yeah, I'm, er, so, I knock on his door, go in, completely drenched,
[00:34:35] and, er, he said, oh, do you wanna, do you wanna, I got some clothes, spare clothes, you can put on if you want, and I said, no, I was so angry, and I just stood there, in his wet clothes, I couldn't sit down, I couldn't do anything, in the end, I just had to say, yeah, well, that's alright, so he got me some, a jumper, and some, er, tracksuit bottoms, or something,
[00:35:05] but I was like, I was determined, not to have anything, I was so, er, how could the weather, do this to me, me, I could have just got a taxi, no, I couldn't have got a taxi, Christmas day, but I know, if I'd have just called my dad, he'd have come and got me,
[00:35:35] or I could have just said, look, I'll come around, but I'm gonna wait, until it stops raining, and then my dad would have come, and got me, so, or his wife, would have come and got me, didn't have to be a big deal, I just needed another, controversial Christmas, no, it was alright after that, can't think of any other, thunderstorms, off, hand,
[00:36:04] some may come to me, as I'm talking, this might be a subject, of thunderstorms, it's weird, didn't mean it to be, but if any, if any other thunderstorms, pop into my head, I will, tell you, in August, 2004, 2004, Boscom down, wherever that is,
[00:36:34] recorded a single day rainfall, total of, 120, 120, feet, feet, rain, or, millimeters of rain, whatever that, I don't know, what, what's 120 millimeters, why don't they just do it in, feet, feet, so was that a foot of rain, two foot of rain, there,
[00:37:04] strawberries, ripen faster, during long, warm, English summers, see, I don't really know much about strawberries, but I feel like I already knew that, fruit, I mean you just take away the strawberries, and just say, bananas, apples, doesn't all fruit, ripen faster,
[00:37:35] in the warmth, am I being, am I being a bit silly there, I don't know, could be, oh, summer traditions, and festivals, Wimbledon, which has just started yesterday, Wimbledon, or as I like to call it, Grumpledon, or not Grumpledon, Grunt,
[00:38:04] Grunt, Gruntledon, because they grunt a lot, ugh, ugh, ugh, yeah, I used to actually, when I lived alone in a house, you know, because I've moved around a lot, over the years, not for the last 10 years, but before that, a lot, I'm talking, a lot, lot, started off when I was born really,
[00:38:35] like six months old, and I started moving, I packed me back, I did, I packed my bags up, and I thought, that's it, I'm out of here, so, if I was in a shared house, I would put Wimbledon, on Wimbledon, took the two weeks, I would turn up the female, matches, really loud, so that my neighbours, all they could hear was, ah, ah, ah, ooh,
[00:39:06] ah, so I thought, that they might think, that maybe I had a girlfriend, and I knew, ways to, make her happy, I don't know, I don't really know, what was going on in my mind, it went quite well, until the audience, the audience applauded, then that's when it felt, like okay, I remember one of my neighbours said, how big is your room, if you could fit an audience in there,
[00:39:36] and a tennis, pitch, ah, oh dear, ah, Wimbledon has been held, nearly every summer, since 1877, now, I think Wimbledon was cancelled, in 2020, I think, as was, the, the, the Olympics,
[00:40:05] I also, think that, Wimbledon was cancelled, during the, two wars, two world wars as well, I'm just thinking about, like the world cup and stuff, I'm guessing, Wimbledon would not be going ahead, during a world war in this country, so, I'd, I could look that up, but I can't be bothered, it's weird isn't it, I mean, I'm actually talking about, stuff and,
[00:40:35] I just, it just, the idea of just, pushing the keys, on the keyboard, just seems like a lot of effort, the Notting Hill Carnival, a summer event, began in 1966, so, the Notting Hill Carnival, for those who don't know what it is, it's, a,
[00:41:03] it's a very famous carnival, in this country, that has, a degree of, notoriety about it, and I think it's basically, because, it's a street carnival, and, it's, the police can't control it, the way they can, maybe, if something's in, a park,
[00:41:32] they can have a bit more control, of something, if it's, if it's kind of, stuck in one place, and, but the Notting Hill Carnival, it's on the move, and there's millions of people, probably turn up, and, from all over the world, and it's, I get a sense, it is kind of, chaotic,
[00:42:00] I also get a sense, that, the press, focused just on, they don't, they don't focus, on the nice parts of it, and it's, probably, mainly, really, a good, good vibe, I just, I've never been there, I never wanted to, never really felt, it's just for me, it's the crowds, too many people, I wouldn't really, want to go to any festival,
[00:42:30] or carnival rather, just because of the, amount of people, it's just like, wow, I might go one day, maybe that should be on my little, my bucket list, to go to the Notting Hill Carnival, I tell you what I would like, I'd like to, I'd like to be on one of the floats, I'd like, if I was going to, I think if I was going to do something, like go to Notting Hill Carnival,
[00:42:59] I'd like to be involved, even if it was just, handing out bottles of water, to people for free, something like that, just to be involved, in a positive way, so that I can be part of it, but not, a spectator, but also not a performer, you know, just, kind of a, the background, kind of person, that's kind of, what I liked, in a comedy club,
[00:43:29] I liked the idea of, being in the background, so I could be at the back of the club, watching the acts, but also help with, putting a show together, you know, getting the seats ready, before the people got in, maybe, maybe, emptying the tables of glasses, throughout the breaks, and just helping out, in the background, so being part of the comedy night, but not being,
[00:43:59] the focus of the comedy night, that I quite like that, I'm not saying that, I would have, I would have loved to have been, you know, the main act on stage, that never happened, and that was, that I wasn't destined to, to do that at that time, but outside of being, the star, I was, I quite liked just, I prefer,
[00:44:28] okay, this is, in preference to being an audience member, because I used to go to, loads of comedy clubs, I went to every, I think, apart from Jonglers, and that's the only comedy club, I didn't, never visit, I don't know why, I never went to Jonglers, in London, but pretty much, every comedy club, that was around in the 90s, I visited, like every single one,
[00:44:58] every single one, and there's hundreds, came and went, during that time, and, I used to just turn up, and people knew who I was, quite a few of the people, running the clubs, were comedians themselves, so I knew them, and I'd just hang around with them, or maybe stand at the bar, and just watch the, watch the acts, maybe sometimes go on, do a little spot,
[00:45:28] maybe sometimes, but, it was just nice to be, in the background, I like that, rather than being, rather than sort of sitting, in a, in a chair, with the audience, I like to, yeah, it's nice to just, what am I talking about, why am I mentioning that, oh yeah, the Notting Hill Carnival, yeah, if I was, participated in some way,
[00:45:57] then that would be cool, but in a positive way, you know, I wouldn't want to be, not that I, could do that, but like being part of, I wouldn't want to be working, like being a security, or something, because that, that doesn't, that wouldn't be fun, because then, I wouldn't be relaxed, so maybe I'll go there one day, go to the Notting Hill Carnival,
[00:46:30] er, Morris dancing, is traditionally performed, in the summer, so Morris dancing, I used to do Morris dancing, at school, is that the one where you got, you're going around, the, the pole, and you're dancing around the pole, and you got, it's a different pole to, the one my mum used to dance around, but this one is, no one, no one chucks money at you, this one is,
[00:46:59] you hold on to like a ribbon thing, a coloured ribbon, and you dance in and out of each other, but not literally in and out, but like, I don't know how, it kind of makes a pattern, on the, the pole, a pattern from the different bits of fabric, is that Morris dancing? Or have I got it wrong? Or is that fairy dancing? Or is that, is that a different, different type of dancing? Maypole,
[00:47:28] that's maypole dancing, isn't it? For Mayday, maypole dancing, so Morris dancing, that's a, that's a Scottish thing, isn't it? Morris? I'm not sure, I think Morris dancing, Scottish dancing, I might be wrong, Pimms, Pimms, a popular summer drink,
[00:47:57] was invented in 1840, is Pimms aniseed? I think it might be, or someone's listening to a TV, it's really loud, do you think people, sometimes listen to really loud things, because it distracts them, from their own thoughts, because, I don't know, I had a neighbour who,
[00:48:27] I visited, and I went in there, and this neighbour was literally, had the music, so loud, I had to leave, but I couldn't, it was too loud for me, and, it's almost like, it was, well it would be impossible, for me to think, in fact, I think I'd struggle to,
[00:48:55] do even the most simple task, so if you said to me, I'll just, add these numbers up, basic numbers, you know, something that's, it takes a little bit of, brain power, but not much, and even just working out, working it out on a pad, like, 2 plus 4, plus 9, plus 6, plus 9, plus 5, but you know, just a few numbers, like okay, fine, might take a few seconds, to just figure it out, it'd be almost impossible,
[00:49:25] with the volume of that music, that's what I mean, and I remember saying, when I worked in evolution, in Ipswich, I worked in the evolution shop, which was run by Buddhists, and, I said to them, because there was, the front entrance, but the back entrance, so you went through, there was a little office,
[00:49:54] that's where the computer was, and they did everything out there, this, but there was another exit, out the back, which was a fire escape, and then out of there, you could then walk through, out of the other door, or there was a few different exits, there's some stairs, you can go up, and that was where, all the other surrounding shops, kind of led into, that was their back entrances, and there was a key,
[00:50:23] in the door, and it was, there was a push bar, which opened the door, but it didn't work, if the key was locked, if it was locked, it wouldn't work, and I said to the person, one of the people, that was kind of, managing the shop, I said, you have to leave that door, unlocked, when we're in the shop, of course you lock it at night, when there's no one in there, but when we're in the shop, it has to be left open, so when you push the bar,
[00:50:53] the door opens, and his answer was, well see, it just turned the key, it's not that difficult, and I tried to explain to him, that, in, an emergency, things that are very simple normally, aren't always simple, and he didn't get it, he didn't understand what I meant, but he did, stop locking the door, because,
[00:51:22] I made such a fuss, so I'm quite, I'm quite on the old, health and safety, things like that, I think it's just too important, to ignore, he did get the ump, but, oh, he got over it, I'm sure, it's 21 years ago, I think he's, I think he's recovered, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, and I've been in that situation,
[00:51:52] where I had to call for an, no, I had to call for the police once, and I couldn't, get my phone to work, it was just a normal phone, probably, a smartphone, it wasn't, I mean, it was a while ago, but, it was a smartphone, and all I wanted me to do, is press 999, and because I was so, um, ugh, like not knowing what to do,
[00:52:22] that I was struggling, just to press 999, and, to press the button, for it to ring, seriously, it took me about 6 attempts, to do it, because my hand was shaking, and it wasn't, it wasn't fear so much, maybe it was fear, but, it wasn't fear for myself, because I was, trying to help someone else, that was, looked like they were in trouble, so, I wasn't fearful for myself, or anything, I just,
[00:52:51] I guess panicked, I suppose, so, yeah, I don't know, I'm not quite sure, what's that got to do, with Morris dancing, I don't know, Pimms, oh yeah, Pimms, um, because it's, I don't know how I got onto that subject, of, doors that are locked,
[00:53:22] that's weird isn't it, huh, so Glastonbury Festival, began in 1970, and, became, a summer staple, so, Glastonbury, I think Glastonbury, was our version, of, wood, woodcock, is it woodcock, woodcock, you know, the American,
[00:53:51] really famous festival, of 1969, wood, wood, woodcock, woodcock, woodcock, I think it's woodcock, but that, that was the, because that was a huge festival, wasn't it, Jimi Hendrix, and, the Rolling Stones, and stuff like that, I think it was 69, it might have been 66, I think it was 69, and, wood, stock,
[00:54:21] not cock, wood, cock, stock, wood, wood, stock, blimey, so, I think Glastonbury, was our version, of, wood, stock, which was in America, and, I'm guessing, other countries, probably did the same, they copied, and, they had their own, summer festivals, and, Glastonbury,
[00:54:52] I'm, guessing, because it's on at the moment, I think, it's, one, and there's lots of festivals, in this country, I think, is one of the biggest, if not the biggest, festival, in the entire country, now, I'm talking about England, so I think it is, the biggest one, but I might be wrong, okay, so don't, don't sell me shoes, that are too small for me, as a punishment, I'm just, I don't know,
[00:55:22] hopefully, I might be right, I don't care if I'm right or not, it's just, it seems to be the most, famous one, you know, I went, I once wet, and, once wet myself, no, I once went, to, last night, at the, summer, orchestra, or, last night, at the, proms, that's it,
[00:55:52] I was in, Torquay, Torquay, Torquay, yeah, it was Torquay, I was in Torquay, in, 2003, it was in the summer, 2003, maybe, September, and, I went and visited me, cousin, who lived there, with his girlfriend, absolutely,
[00:56:20] loved the place, loved, loved, loved the place, it was lovely, I really liked it, it's one of my favourite, favourite places I've ever been, ever, and, we went, to the park, the local park, and last night, the proms was on there, and they were, I think they were filming it, for the TV, and it was live, or something like that, in the park, the park, was all cordoned off,
[00:56:51] and, we couldn't get in, or, they were charging money, to get in, and we didn't want to pay, something like that, so what we did is, we climbed over the fences, and, we just crept in, we snecked, snecked, sneaked, we, sneaked, we crept, and we sneaked, sneaked in, and it was cool,
[00:57:20] it was really nice, there were people asking for, you know, proof of tickets, and stuff, I don't quite know why, but, we got asked to leave, a couple of times, but it was, it was still fun though, not as many people there, as I thought there would be, but it was nice, so really, and the evening was lovely, it was one of those, beautiful summer evenings,
[00:57:49] it wasn't hot, well it wasn't like, hot hot, it wasn't cold, it was just, it was near the end of the summer, maybe August time, thinking about it, but it was, really pleasant, yeah, maybe it was July, it was nice during the day, I did get a suntan, or I got a bit burnt rather, don't go and get suntans, got a bit burnt,
[00:58:18] but it was nice, very nice, and, that's, that's, yeah, I just remembered that, oh, anyway, summer solstice, celebrates at Stonehenge, that dates back, thousands of years, long before,
[00:58:46] the people in this country, or the royalty, adopted, things such as, Christianity, so we used to, be, pagans, I think, in this country, before the Romans came here, Trooping the Colour, the King's official birthday parade,
[00:59:16] is held in June, so, yeah, that was, we had that the other day, a couple of weeks back, the, loads of planes, and stuff, coming over here, for his birthday, travelling towards London, the Henley Royal Regatta, Regatta, Regatta, has taken place, every summer,
[00:59:46] since 1839, well, let me tell you something, I know a little bit, about the Henley Regatta, because, in the 90s, I got myself a job, selling, I don't really want to call them, trying to sell companies, deals, for their staff, to go,
[01:00:15] to the Henley Regatta, and it was expensive, expensive, expensive, and all the staff, that they took on, they didn't pay them anything, it was, commission only, and it was just, a numbers game, so they had people, that, came along, and did really well, and then they had people like me,
[01:00:44] that were desperate, to earn some money, wanted to do really well, but couldn't be there long enough, to do really well, because, I had maybe, four days, to earn some money, before, I couldn't afford, to get in anymore, couldn't afford the travel, but if I'd have had, well, I probably wouldn't have been allowed, to stay there for three months, but if I'd have had, a good period of time,
[01:01:14] I would have learned, more, and perhaps, been able to, sell something, and the commission was good, I mean, we're talking, thousands, and thousands of pounds, these, 10, 20 grand, or whatever, for these packages, so I'd be earning, some good money, in commission,
[01:01:43] but yeah, I remember that, I was there for about three days, three days, I had a lot of, sales jobs, and we'll talk about that, one day, because it is something, that I've never really spoken about, I mean, I've spoken about the sales jobs, in insurance, I've talked a little bit, about the sales job, where I did the, selling, phone contracts, to people, but I've not,
[01:02:13] I don't think I've ever really, gone into detail, about some of the, other sales jobs, that I've had, and I'll try and list them, let me see if I can list them for you, life insurance, this is back in 1989, or before that, oh, in 1990, I had a,
[01:02:42] a sales job, selling, timeshare, there, so that was the second, oh, I had a sales job, selling, and this is, in, probably about, 88, 89, 88 probably, selling, water filters, so that didn't quite work out,
[01:03:14] yeah, so water filters, then I had another job, selling advertising, and, another job, selling printing, so I was going around, going around the docks, into buildings, trying to sell, print, basically just printing, printing costs, and, paper, and stuff like that, I got a few sales, but it didn't really, go,
[01:03:44] very far, then I had the job, selling life insurance, door to door, in 1989, in London, then I had a job, it wasn't technically selling, but it was, trying to get people, to have, this is door to door, the, satellite dishes, for, Sky, and,
[01:04:13] they'd have the satellite dish, for, a month I think, and it was the baby, it was the baby, the puppy sales technique, so, you'd give them, like you know, if you give someone a puppy, for a month, and then go and take it back, they're not going to want you, to take the puppy back, because they'll have fallen in love, with a puppy, and that's, that's why it's called that, so if you, leave something with someone, for a period of time, for free,
[01:04:43] and then you go and collect it, they're going to, quite likely say, no I'll keep it, and pay you, and that's how Sky, did their, their thing, now, part of the reason, I stopped doing it, because firstly, no one wanted the satellite dish, because they were, at the time, they were a joke, it was, it's one of those things, that the, the newspapers, were ridiculing them, like who would want,
[01:05:13] one of those ugly things, on the side of their, their house, and, the TV channels aren't much, and it was just, it was kind of just, starting up, and it was, not classed as a, a particularly, good thing to have, and that changed, over the years, and they became, a worldwide phenomenon, with, Rupert Murdoch, who now owns Fox, I think,
[01:05:43] or one of those, massive, TV stations, and, he gets married, he's in his 90s now, and he gets married, every year or so, and, I kind of, I kind of wish, I'd stuck with that, because, that proved to be, I think I was, knocking on the wrong doors, I could have done that, during the day, if I'd have done that,
[01:06:12] all the time, as a job, if I'd have had the, if I'd have had enough money, because it was, commission only of course, again, if I'd have just had enough, to get me by, for six months, I think I could have, turned it into a, very, very, successful, enterprise, and start to take on, other people, to work for me,
[01:06:42] I think I could have, ended up being, well, if I'd have done it like that, I'd have ended up being, very, successful, very, very young as well, and I knew, about canvassing, because I'd done that before, that was my job for, a while, in 1989, during like, the whole of that summer, and I was, I was, what was I, 18, at the time, so I'd just turned 19, when I was doing this,
[01:07:12] the, satellite dishes, so yeah, I could have, I just, I was working, during the day, and I was naked, to be honest with you, I was just naked, I couldn't be bothered to, and I wanted to earn, some more money, and try and do something, but, it was winter, and I just, oh, you know, beginning of the year, in, 1990, yeah, 1990,
[01:07:41] it's a beginning of the year, it's really, cold and windy, and wet, it wasn't much fun, but it was an opportunity, it really was, and then, as I said, I did the Henley Regatta, this is a few years later, or a couple of years later, and then I did, oh, I also did the, timeshare,
[01:08:11] as well, in 1990, that was weird, because I actually did get a sale, and then they changed their mind, but what I did, in that thing, I had to sit on a table, what they did, is really weird, they, they offered people, a gift, to come, and listen to a presentation, that's what it was, so they'd go along,
[01:08:41] they'd think they were, getting a new car, as a gift, some people actually, came up on the train, and said, well where's the car then, I came up on, I came up on the train, I'm going to drive back, like they were just going to be, given a car, and what it was really, is they were put into a raffle, if they attended, watched the movie, which was probably 20 minutes, and then sat down, with one of us, and talked to us,
[01:09:10] and let us try and sell them, timeshare, and if they went through, that process, then they would be entered, into, winning something, it might just be a box of nothing, or it might be, it might be a discount, in a supermarket, it might be a voucher, you know, it could be anything, or it could be a car, and they had a big car, in a showroom, but one car, and you know, someone just turned up, and said, well how do I get in,
[01:09:39] where's the keys, it's like no, it's not quite, you know, I'm not, I'm not sure, if the adverts were misleading, I don't know, maybe, I hope not, but I did, what I did notice, is I was talking to these people, and I was making them laugh, and I quite liked that, quite enjoyed that, and I was just telling them stories, about my life,
[01:10:08] and they were laughing, and it felt quite nice, and one person actually told me, they'll take it, you know, they'll take the, they'll, they accepted the sale, and I'm like, wow, didn't expect that, and then, they passed me, they passed them over to, the person who had to do the contracts,
[01:10:36] and then they changed their mind, I mean, I was there for probably, four days, maybe five days, and this was, I would say, October time, 1990, and it was in a different town, and I just like, ah,
[01:11:04] so I just came home, and that was it, I don't know what other things, what other things have I done, I've got little memories of places, oh yeah, I sold, this was actually a paid, paid job I had, this was selling, till roll, you know, for tills, you know, like in shops, just the till roll, the roll that goes in the till, and,
[01:11:34] the amount of people that thought I was selling toilet roll, it just got, it just got silly, like, I don't need any toilet roll, no, till roll, so for some reason on the phone, um, just wondering how you're getting on with your till roll, it seems to sound like toilet roll, who, who do you get, who supplies, who supplies your toilet roll, and they'd say, toilet roll,
[01:12:04] I said, no, till roll, then after a while I realised I was selling toilet roll, and, yeah, it got confusing, I think I managed to get a sale, with, ah, my friend who had a comedy club, and he, he took some rolls on, I mean it was, it, it, it, it was a legitimate company, and, you know, so it wasn't like they were dodgy or anything,
[01:12:33] they paid a basic, plus a commission, I got the job because a friend had the, had the job, and he got me the job there, and our only, source of leads, was, a yellow pages, that was it, but from all over the country, so we, we dealt with the whole country, not just locally, in fact we didn't do a real,
[01:13:02] we did a little bit of local stuff in London, but, it was the whole country, and I ended up doing Manchester, or, part of Manchester, I'm sure there was like, there was different, there was, Manchester is quite a large area, so there was different, different areas, north, north east, north west, or whatever, south, south east, east, east east, and, yeah,
[01:13:31] I did, I did, I didn't, it was alright, but I didn't enjoy it, if I'm honest, and this is, a break I had between, doing security, so I did security, and, I, yeah, they sacked me, because a toilet got blocked,
[01:14:03] and, I found it so ridiculous, that they were blaming me for a toilet, a blocked toilet, not just that, but the fact that they were, they, suspended me, so I was, wasn't getting paid, for the rest of the week, and then on, so this was like, maybe it was a Tuesday, the toilet was blocked, they sent me home, suspended me, until the following Monday, when I went into the office,
[01:14:33] for disciplinary, and, I don't know if they were going to sack me or not, but I just laughed at them, I said, you're ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous, I said, why would I, why would I block a toilet up, and not do anything, I mean, I'm an adult, I don't, I said, someone's clearly done that, after I've left, it's ridiculous to blame it on me, besides,
[01:15:01] I can't leave the reception, once he gets, because once I open the doors, so I'm there all night, in this place, it was a, it was a, what was it called, it was a printing firm, not a printer, it was a, it was a, like, they printed magazines, and newspapers, and stuff, it was quite a, oh, I forget his name now, Henderson, not Henderson,
[01:15:31] he, I think he did, Kerrang, to this, this company, they did Kerrang, and, like, heavy metal magazines, really big, famous magazines, and, I think also, computer magazines, as well, and maybe, they went and did, the, some of the, like, other, like, loaded, and things like that, I'm not sure, later on,
[01:16:01] but they did, you know, I got really well, with the people at work there, some of the people, that were there, like, late at night, I'd kind of, just chat with them, and stuff, because I'd start my shift, at, I think, half three in the afternoon, until, I think it was, half eight in the morning, so, what's it, half three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, no, wait a minute, half three,
[01:16:31] four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, nine, nine, half, half, two, maybe, half, four, it was about, fifteen hours, anyway, I was doing about, fifteen hours, shift, so, half, four, half, five, half, four, then half four, again, it's twelve, or it was half,
[01:17:00] till half three, twelve, half, five, half six, half seven, half eight, half nine, half ten, half eleven, half twelve, half one, half two, half eleven, no, half two, half three, half four, half five, half six, half seven, yeah, so, I think it was half four, till half seven, and, unless it was sixteen hours, but sixteen hours, seems a bit long, doesn't it?
[01:17:27] I think 15 hours is what I did because 16 hours seems a little bit it's not enough really to get enough sleep is it so I'd do 15 hours five days a week I think and between I was loud on it between
[01:17:50] 4 30 and when the doors were locked I really didn't leave the reception I couldn't leave the reception so so when the when the front door was open I had to be in the reception I was security for the building when the doors the front doors were locked then I could do patrols and do whatever I
[01:18:17] want really so yeah so I'd in the morning I would open the doors at about 6 in the morning and I was there till 7 30 I couldn't leave the reception from 6 to 7 30 until the
[01:18:47] receptions came on and took over so that was me or maybe it's 8 30 there's something like that maybe it's half 4 till 8 30 so I wasn't allowed to leave the reception until the receptionist was on
[01:19:06] and then I'd go home so and I didn't use a toilet before going home so how did I block that toilet because I can't use a toilet while the cleaners are in because they're in once they're in the front doors are open because the staff used to come in early hours so 6 o'clock doors are open
[01:19:31] the staff would come in the cleaners would come in and then they'd get deliveries the machines would get filled in you know like because in London because this is in the West End a lot of deliveries are done very early because it's hard to park anywhere during the day and to get around and some of the staff would be in really early as well some of them would be there late at night
[01:19:59] as well you know they're there till 10 o'clock at night some of them and some would get in at 6 in the morning or half 6 7 so I wasn't allowed to leave the reception so if I did go to the toilet it had to be before the reception opened before the cleaners got there
[01:20:23] now I always did a patrol of the building my last patrol is just a go around make sure everything's fine always check the toilets it wasn't really for floods I just like looking at toilets and so I went around and there was like toilets on each floor I think there's four floors
[01:20:46] everything was fine and I'm at home and I get a phone call yeah I get a phone call so I wasn't sent home so much but I did get a phone call um at home saying don't you can't go in there anymore because you because the toilet was flooded I don't I'm not even sure if they told me why they just said you
[01:21:15] can't go in anymore you've been you've been suspended from the building and yeah I think it was when I got there on Monday so this was a Tuesday evening or maybe the Monday the Wednesday morning they might have phoned me I was probably asleep and then the following Monday they told me it's because I'd blocked the toilet apparently and it upset one of the
[01:21:45] the cleaners and it leaked and water gone everywhere I've blocked a lot of toilets in the past I'll be honest with you it never it's never overrun toilets are built to not overrun the you know the water goes to a certain level it doesn't go over
[01:22:09] I've never had a toilet overflow ever so and I've blocked a lot I have blocked a lot of toilets over the years just like standard I'm sure everyone has it used to be a hobby but on this occasion it wasn't me maybe I'm maybe I'm just getting punished for previous blockages but they were making out that the water overflowed and completely went everywhere and like
[01:22:40] how that doesn't even make sense but anyway I always blamed for that and so when I went in there and they told me I laughed now one of the managers well there was two owners
[01:23:03] of the business one like me and he was he was more active in the security company so he'd he'd go around and he'd he'd do a lot more like dealing with the security guards and the other bloke would be in the office so I think they were both equal partners both ex-police or something but one of them was more in the background
[01:23:30] we didn't really get to see him apart from for disciplinaries I'd already had two previous disciplinaries again both not my fault so there and it was it two two disciplinaries two disciplinaries
[01:23:59] or was it three 90 discipline the first disciplinary I had was I was accused of drinking at work and at that time I didn't drink I just didn't drink and apparently this is when I was working in the nurses home someone said that they saw me with a flask
[01:24:24] yeah I had a flask it had a protein drink like a protein shake in it so I was going to the gym every day and I was drinking a protein drink I was eating every two hours you know I was trying to put a little bit of muscle on and she's like someone must have thought I was drinking alcohol and what's weird though is because the
[01:24:52] the what I forget what they call them now but a security guard would come around and check everyone because I was doing night shift and they'd come along and I remember that there's two different ones there was a lady and there was a bloke and they both used to like sitting and chatting with me and both of them smelt the flask because they queried what's in there and I said it's a protein drink you can have some if you want
[01:25:19] I said I have I have gobbed in it but you can have some and I said you can um no but it's like it was a protein drink and they could smell there was no alcohol in it it's just seemed weird why someone I don't know if it was I don't know the reason behind it but again I laughed during that one I said well I don't drink alcohol alcohol you asked me that in the when the you gave me the interview I don't drink alcohol I just don't
[01:25:49] and also I don't go out because I'm working every night you know I was getting one night off a week at that point that's when I was lucky if I didn't have to cover someone's shift so I'm getting like one night off a week if I did go out I might have a drink but generally you know I didn't didn't drink alcohol I
[01:26:11] definitely wouldn't drink alcohol at work people would know trust me if I was drinking alcohol at work everybody would know it I'm not yeah I can't hide it when I'm drinking if I'm drunk the whole world's gonna know about it so I laughed that off and they kind of just said all right fair enough because that's
[01:26:38] that's you know the one that was very active with us all he'd seen me enough and he believed me so that was cool so I got I went back and and then I got I got accused of something else there as well
[01:27:02] I can't remember what it was or did I just leave did I did they move me they moved me from there I'm sure there was another reason I got I got um a disciplinary so I got there's two that I remember one was because
[01:27:27] of the when I blocked the toilet no when I was accused of blocking the toilet sorry and the other one was when I was drinking I mean when I was accused of drinking surely was another one there was a third in the middle or second but before the third it was well anyway I got sacked so that one with the toilet
[01:27:53] they sacked me because I was laughing in the interview in the disciplinary I said this is pathetic this is really really ridiculous I said after all all the dodgy things I've done while I've worked for you that you don't know about and this one thing which the all things I have done and one thing I didn't do I'm getting blamed for and they said well we just need to have a little chat together and they went out and
[01:28:20] they came back and said yeah that's it see you later and they sacked me what was the other thing I did well not did but that I got accused of wasn't stealing hmm but anyway I was doing this I remembered it when I started talking about this and then it kind of went out
[01:28:48] my head I'm sure I had three disciplinaries I'm so proud of it and I I was disciplined three times I got suspended three times I got suspended at least twice I got suspended at least twice surely there was a third one what would that be about did I get accused of something else
[01:29:12] because I definitely got moved from the nurses home for a reason I can't remember what that reason was hmm how strange hmm hmm so I ended up working in the printers Dennis Dennis printers or something it was called and or Dennis Publishing
[01:29:42] publishers yeah so I worked there so I got sacked I got suspended then sacked went and worked at this sales job trying to sell till roll and then after two weeks of that I phoned up the security company and said oh please can I come back sorry
[01:30:12] sorry for laughing and they said yeah come back because I was looking for people I said they said we got a new site for you and they started putting me on the grottiest sites ever honestly they moved me around a lot put me on some really really bad sites and oh did I get suspended off one of those for drinking
[01:30:42] I wasn't drinking though but I was with another another guard who was drinking and he got through about I don't know eight cans of lager during the night but instead of instead of putting them like hiding the cans he just put them in the waste paste bar waste paper basket in the office and the manager
[01:31:10] who was a fiery fella got very angry but as I said wasn't me and they knew the other bloke and they knew what he was around and I think they just they suspended him and told the the man the manager of that place that they had sacked him but they didn't they just moved into a different site and then one day and this was a former
[01:31:42] psychiatric hospital it was called an asylum back then it was one of them places it was one of the biggest hospitals in Europe one of the longest hospitals in Europe and it was in North London massive bit of waste ground well massive bit of ground and there was houses where some of the patients used to live where some of the doctors and nurses used to live and my job was just to parole this whole
[01:32:11] patrol rather not parole patrol this whole area and I could not stand being in the same room as this bloke who was in charge because all he did was moan but he was a shouter just like yeah just moan about everything so in the end I just decided to do the patrol
[01:32:39] but just not go back to the office I had my radio on me and I phoned in every time to let them know where I was because you have to phone in every hour or you know patrol to let them know where I was so I was doing everything on my side that I was supposed to do but this manager you know when I turned up perhaps six hours later he accused me of leaving the site he said you've gone home
[01:33:08] you went home and came back well first of all I didn't go home because it would take me two hours to get there so no I didn't go home and come back what's the point well go home sit down for five minutes then come back you don't know he said I don't know where you live I said I told you I live in where did I live? Upton Park at the time yeah so yeah I got sacked from there
[01:33:37] because apparently he thought I went off site and I didn't I stayed I did my patrol over and over again and I phoned in I called in I had my walkie talkie and I called in every hour I did everything by the book but he decided that I hadn't so he sacked me or he reported me and they told him that they'd sacked me and they just moved me to a different site
[01:34:06] and then I ended up on the Royal Opera House the new Royal Opera House the house that was being built back in 1997 so I was there I was a security there and I'd be backing in lorries and stopping traffic and stuff like that because they had non-stop
[01:34:36] concrete lorries coming and going and I'd be stopping people and opening barriers for cars that had businesses in that little area and yeah it was I didn't mind it it wasn't a bad little job and yeah it was alright actually got on quite well with the builders the builders and the people involved there was a couple of
[01:35:07] annoying people but there was this I was one of them and then I got sacked from that job for some reason I can't remember why that was oh I just remembered why I got disciplined it was at Canary Wharf Canary Wharf I got disciplined for falling asleep right
[01:35:39] so I didn't fall asleep well no I did fall asleep okay this is true I did fall asleep so when I was at Canary Wharf 96 probably April time and my job was to just basically check people as they were coming in to the floors that I was protecting so I'm protecting I'm securing
[01:36:09] so there is probably about twelve of us maybe a little bit more and we had I think four floors two or four or five floors that we it was part of the mirror group newspaper group so I had to race in times and Sunday mirror daily mirror and possibly some other stuff so it was
[01:36:38] we were kind of secure in that so there would be two of us sometimes just one on the main doors so have to check people's passes have to check their purses their handbags their bags because this was directly after a a very serious incident that happened that's why I got the job because I were taking on new staff because originally I applied for the job and they laughed at me said no
[01:37:08] no you're right we don't we don't need your thanks we're not that desperate and then they called up a week later after this major event happened and they said yeah we are we're quite desperate now we are yeah we're desperate enough to employ you I said oh that's nice and so I got that job now I got on really well with one of the owners the one that was around a lot and
[01:37:36] I think that's why I got away with so much stuff because he I made him laugh and we we had a laugh and even though I ended up getting sacked he still I don't think he wanted to sack me and he's the one that gave me a job back he came up to me one night after I'd done 12 hours it was time for me to go home and he said here dear dear do us a favor won't you I said not again
[01:38:06] I told you I've got a girlfriend he said no no not that and he said can you you wanted me to stay for another 12 hours see if you get any normal job and they say can you do some overtime it's usually like an hour or so maybe two hours this job in security no another 12 hours please I said that's 24 hours he said I can count I said I know but I can't do 12 hours I can't do another 12 hours
[01:38:38] I started I started at 6 this morning or was it 7 8 I might have been 8 in the morning but I'd been up since 6 you know I'd been up 2 hours before I started my job so 2 hours getting up and then travelling so I'd been up for a long time and he said oh go on please so my job was to go downstairs and look after
[01:39:08] the main this was the the big boss's office area the big boss like of the mirror group who at the time was Kelvin McKenzie he was also editor of the Sun as well before that I think I saw him a few times very very booming voice not hugely tall but very booming voice big bloke and I was the reception
[01:39:38] and his office was further up so anyone that came to visit him had to come to my where I was now no one was going to ask for him because he was gone there was no one in his office at that time there was also another office where someone did come for a little while and then he left probably his assistant or something so or maybe he did come for a little while but after 8 o'clock
[01:40:08] 9 o'clock there was nothing no activity so I was there on my own nothing to do at all so I said to my boss before accepting to do it well first of all I said no they said go on please I said no I said no I can't do another 12 hours he said I'll be your best friend and
[01:40:38] I was going to say no but then he started tickling me and I just it's hard to resist isn't it and I said okay but I just got to warn you I will fall asleep and he said it doesn't matter doesn't matter just whatever I just need this to be covered it's so important because of that area being no one's going to be down there no one you know the big boss he's gone he's gone he won't be back till tomorrow morning you'll be gone before he gets in and
[01:41:09] he even said I'll try and get the other security guards coming a little bit early so you can get off a little bit earlier and I said okay then and I sat down it was a nice little gig actually it was comfortable no one else around really comfortable like it's like that probably the nicest little area in those all of those floors
[01:41:39] because it was a bosses area I guess so he had a nice really big spacious and there was a book there called there was like a crime book that I started to read and I read a lot of it so I'm reading this book and then as I'm reading I hear this voice saying Jason Jason like I look up
[01:42:09] and it's my boss like the security boss he said you're asleep so no I wasn't I was reading a book he said you're literally in a hammock with your pajamas on and I said you I told you that I would fall asleep I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep but I said look I've done 12 hours doing 24 hours without falling asleep is
[01:42:40] it's a ridiculous ask and he said got to go home I said really he said yeah I'll take over and I'll sit here you got to leave you're suspended and I said to him I think I might have called him a name I said you are a whatever I told you I'd fall asleep and you said it didn't matter he said you're on camera you've been filmed you've been seen
[01:43:09] falling asleep how do you think we knew I said I literally said to you that I can't do another 12 hours without falling asleep and he said I know but you know you're suspended so I went away a couple of days later I went into the office in the London offices to go to my disciplinary so this would be my second disciplinary out of three
[01:43:40] and I had everything in my arsenal for that one the first one they could take it or leave it whether I was being honest and it was true I didn't drink there's no way I would take alcohol to work with me especially when I was at a reception and it was all glass and loads of people coming and going they could see you know it just seemed
[01:44:10] it wasn't what I was going to do and I really wasn't a drinker at all I'd go out and if I did have a drink when I went out it'd be like one bottle of lager would last me the whole night I'd more than likely just have a glass of coke or a couple of glasses of coke just wasn't my thing back then the year before I was putting it away but that year I just took a break and so the first one
[01:44:39] it was like believe me or don't believe me and because they both one of them liked me the other one gave me the benefit of the doubt so they they moved me to a different place no did they move me? I think they kept me there and then I got moved again for some other someone accused me of something else I don't know can't remember what that was and the second the second disciplinary
[01:45:09] unlike the third one third one I was laughing and I got sacked but the second one I went in there and I was not not because I knew the reason I was in there for the first and third time I don't think I knew until I got into disciplinary why I had been suspended but the second time I knew because it already told me you need to go home because we found you asleep
[01:45:38] so I turned up there I was I was proper like I think the first thing I said is you're out of order to the bloke that was supposed to be my mate well my friend, he was a boss but I said you're out of order you know you are and the other manager the other boss said what's going on and the one that I knew started to talk
[01:46:08] and his partner said no wait a minute I want to hear it from Jason Mr New Land so I told him I said he asked me to stay 12 hours after I had just done a 12 hour shift so he wanted me to do a 24 hour shift I told him point blank that I would fall asleep because what else do you do staying away for 24 hours I said I'd fall asleep and he said it's okay, it doesn't matter fell asleep
[01:46:38] he sent me home suspended and without pay ended up with disciplinary he said is that true and they went out and they came back and apologized to me apologized and I went back to Canary Wharf and I went back and continued working there until they now that was my first disciplinary
[01:47:08] the second one was the alcohol one so that was the first disciplinary so I'm sure there was another one as well I can't remember what it was I think I'm not sure it was when the I think it was at the weekend and a couple of vans pulled up and they said they were just here to collect some stuff and they took a load of computers out and apparently they weren't supposed to do that
[01:47:36] yeah I think I got discipline for that as well I wasn't to know was I oh but we've been we've had millions of pounds robbed worth of computers like so you should have told me should have told me that you weren't having any vans come what do you mean tell you that we're not having any vans coming to collect the computers what if you'd have done that when they knocked on a window saying we come to collect the computers
[01:48:05] then I'd know that they weren't and they were robbers I'm thinking that maybe they made the excuse of the toilets up just to get rid of me ah maybe hmm the proms so I've talked about the proms the proms did you know that cheese rolling down
[01:48:34] in Gloucester is a traditional summer event now it is cheese rolling I think the person who rolls with the cheese and these are not little bits of cheese these are massive massive bits of cheese and it's very dangerous and people get injured doing it it's it's it's not
[01:49:03] it's not as fun as you'd imagine unless of course it is coastal and seaside culture the Victorian era saw the boom of British seaside holidays what is the Victorian era? is that when my nanny granddad went on holiday? because they'd have like handkerchiefs on their heads and stuff
[01:49:33] yeah I mean back then there wasn't such a thing as going abroad on holiday you know Spain and France and stuff like that wasn't it wasn't a flight a short flight away like it is now or has been for a long time so people from London like my nan she used to go to places like Brighton
[01:50:02] or Southend on holiday now both of those places are not far from London they're both in one's in Essex Brighton is in I don't know where it is is it Hertfordshire? Brighton? but both places are not a long way away from London really and they said they would go to places like that
[01:50:31] maybe Harwich even I'm not sure and that would be a nice summer holiday and apparently I'm partly making this up based on a very vague memory sometimes I think they would stay in boarding houses and they may even share rooms with complete strangers
[01:51:00] and there would be a landlady as this was kind of the cliche a very very mean landlady and the landlady would make food and give them dinner and everything but they would have to be in by a certain time in the evening or the door would be locked that's the that's the cliche of that
[01:51:29] but I think some of it's true potentially doesn't sound like a particularly nice holiday does it really? Brighton Pier opened in 1899 and became a summer hotspot yeah Brighton's changed over the years but it was always a very popular holiday destination and
[01:51:59] it's last time I went to Brighton I ended up with a sore bum because yeah I fell over and I kind of banged I fell over on my bum and I just banged myself and it's like oh and I remember it's just it was weird it was weird because I come home normally you hurt yourself you expect a little
[01:52:28] you don't expect people to start oh no and start crying you fell over and banged your bum oh I didn't expect that but a little bit of caring a little bit of maybe a little bit of maybe interest or sympathy but you know people have come back to work oh how was your holiday or your weekend in Brighton and I said oh I got a sore bum and people found that
[01:52:58] hilarious I mean someone actually who I hadn't even told that I'd hurt my that I had my accident you know the first person I got into work with and no one else had been in work he was the first person there and I got there next this was on a Monday morning and he said how was your how was your your weekend in Brighton have you got a sore bum and I said
[01:53:27] yeah how do you know and he laughed and walked off and I'm like that's weird and then I told everyone and they laughed that I'd fallen over like you fall on your coccyx it's not a nice experience the first time it ever happened when I was in a chip shop I got a sore bum in there and the
[01:53:56] I was carrying a bag of potatoes which I would argue is probably heavier than me maybe not 50 50 kilos possibly I don't know if it would be 50 kilos would it be if it was heavy 50 kilos would have been how much I weighed at the time so maybe it was maybe it was 40 kilos
[01:54:26] maybe 30 kilos but it was heavy that's all I know and I slipped over in the kitchen and the bag of spuds unopened landed on top of me and yeah I was struggling to walk I mean really I should have gone to the hospital and got examined because it would have been it took quite a few weeks
[01:54:54] but back then I didn't have the time to take off and just got on with it really but yeah the last time I went to Brighton yeah it's been quite a while fish and chips became a seaside favourite in the early 20th century really I thought fish and chips
[01:55:24] yeah a seaside favourite but fish and chips is quite a traditional Friday meal religiously I do believe or at least fishes on a Friday because I think it's the Jesus parable isn't it I think that's when he he turned up it was a Friday wasn't it and he turned up and the chip van turned up
[01:55:54] and there was loads of chips and he said okay now I've talked to you for a little bit we're all here let's get some chips out there's some fish and chips and the fish van said and he said what is it he said Jesus sorry about this he said okay what he said I'm a bit embarrassed we've got loads of chips but we forgot the fish and then someone showered from the back
[01:56:23] wait a minute we've got one fish he said he got one fish all those chips but one fish and Jesus said I'll just hand it here and you know the rest is history but that was on a Friday because Friday is when fish and chips was a thing back in Jerusalem that the bathing machine was a common sight on the 19th century beaches
[01:56:52] I feel we need more information about that don't you the bathing machine a machine that bathes you that sounds very pleasant it sounds almost the bathing machine unless it's kind of like a thing with just a shower
[01:57:21] that just showers you from different angles but even that sounds nice doesn't it if it's at a decent temperature I've got to look this up I'm sorry this is one of those moments where I can't not look it up bathing machine 1800s I'm going to look up images just so I can look at it
[01:57:51] what right it's only showing you the outside of it the bathing machine collection of okay bathing machine 1800s Victorian bathing machine but why is it not shown inside maybe it was one of those things things huh
[01:58:18] it looks to me it was just somewhere that you can jump into the water from that doesn't that doesn't sound like a bathing machine let's read out what it says you search the web for bathing machines says Google Bing AI whatever the Victorian
[01:58:47] bathing machine was in an innovative mobile changing room designed to allow swimmers particularly women to maintain their modesties while bathing at the seaside okay so it's basically a changing room it's a changing room historical context the bathing machine emerged during the 18th century
[01:59:15] as the popularity of seaside resorts grew in Britain at a time when swimming costumes were not yet common and modesty was paramount especially for women these wooden carts served as both changing rooms and a means to discreetly enter the water the legal requirements for men and women
[01:59:44] to bathe separately fostered the need for these machines allowing females to change into their bathing attire while remaining hidden from public view okay so they they were carts on wheels six foot high eight foot wide and they were pulled into the sea by horses and babies could
[02:00:13] just jump into the water without being seen maybe curtains or umbrellas to keep their modesty oh look at this women used these machines mainly men were allowed to bathe naked until the 19th century oh hmm
[02:00:44] right and the bathing costumes were ridiculous it wasn't like I mean they were proper full on full on old attire it was the men always had to have stripy ones and the it didn't doesn't look fun there's a woman there in a bathing costume it looks like she's getting ready to climb a mountain in
[02:01:14] huh wow that's interesting kind of I know it's not supposed to be sorry about that er what the bucket and spade sets have been popular since the early 1900s I used to like bucket and spades yeah I did
[02:01:44] I used to like to I used to like to make sand castles because it was fun wasn't it if anyone did it it's just fun and my brother equally liked to just step on mine for some reason I did think about trying to get hold of some explosions
[02:02:13] but just couldn't get any it's very hard when you're seven to get hold of explosions explosives I was going to put some underneath the sand and when he stepped on it well that'll teach him not to do that again but yeah couldn't get any spent a lot of my childhood in prison that's weird isn't it I was the youngest terrorist in history ice cream vans became widespread in the 1950s
[02:02:45] oh ice cream vans I loves meself some ice cream haven't been to an ice cream van for a long long long long time it amazes me that they come out in all weathers I saw one that was freezing cold and it came out because it was a Saturday because it was in June it was raining and it was very cold and windy it was like a winter's day out there
[02:03:15] and they just decided well it's the 2nd of June let's go out it's officially summer fly just landed on a microphone punch and Judy shows were classic seaside entertainment I don't think they're allowed anymore that's the way you do it blackpool illuminations though not autumnal used to start in late summer
[02:03:44] so blackpool illuminations very very popular blackpool well I think it was once classed as the Las Vegas of England they had like casinos and all kinds of stuff in blackpool and I would have loved to have gone there when it was busy not busy busy
[02:04:14] but in its kind of peak just to see what it's like because I never did I don't know what it's like now if it still gets really busy I hope it does for the people that you know work there and have businesses but I went there once and it was on the way to the Isle of Man and it was the windiest day in history it was probably August
[02:04:44] July August time really windy and we were going to Liverpool to catch the ferry to the Isle of Man the ferry was cancelled but because we'd been in a car and we'd been travelling for 10 minutes my dad decided to continue the journey anyway in a almost hurricane wind
[02:05:12] which is why the ferry had been cancelled you know he decided well we've been going for 10 minutes because his sister who was my auntie who we were visiting said don't bother coming there's no ferries there is absolutely tremendous weather here and the ferries are cancelled for the formidable future formidable formidable future?
[02:05:43] formidable I thought formidable was like war that's quite good formidable foredimmable biddable anyway they were cancelled but my dad said nah and we stopped at Blackpool because we were we it's on the way to Liverpool and I was quite happy because I thought
[02:06:12] we'll go see Blackpool Blackpool Tower there was no lights on everything seemed to be closed because the wind was it was almost hurricane level it was really strong I mean we don't generally get hurricanes in this country but we do get very strong winds sometimes and this is one of those really really really windy days my nan nearly blew away
[02:06:44] and she went into one of these toilets and it was a what was it? it was a toilet erm like a porter toilet okay it was it was heavy enough so it wasn't being blown around but it was a porter toilet she went in there and she got locked in she couldn't get out
[02:07:16] and my dad got a phone call from my auntie saying it looks like the the next ferry is going to be the winds calmed down enough on their end that they can sort of send the ferry out so we had to we had to leave my nan there and yeah she's still there as far as I know that was 20 21 years ago I hope she's alright I've
[02:07:46] I've heard that they're quite comfortable places those porter toilets porter toilets porter potty erm she did actually get locked in it was funny but in the same sense obviously it wasn't funny but it was funny we got out we got her out we managed to do the lock from the outside erm I think I knew how to do that and my dad looked at me very strangely
[02:08:15] that I was able to open a toilet a public toilet from the outside that was locked from the inside but it was just like a coin it was very simple erm and a drill I happen to have the tools on me don't don't judge me Lido's or outdoor pools gained popularity in the 1930s yeah they were popular they were popular
[02:08:43] I was going to say they were popular in my day but outdoor pools like little pools like the blow up ones and the Lido's the and they like the big like beds floaty beds made of plastic they were quite popular even when I was a kid erm because you could you could lay on them on in the garden
[02:09:12] and then you can lay on them on the water as well erm you got beach huts in places like South Wold and Bournemouth er are worth tens of thousands of pounds now that surprised me because that doesn't surprise me I already knew that because where my dad lives the beach the beach huts are like thirty grand thirty five grand
[02:09:43] there's not enough room to do anything in them hardly literally you can you can sit in it that's it you can't sleep in it I suppose you could but you're not allowed to sleep in it not overnight you can't have raves er agriculture and nature some is a
[02:10:13] I don't think you even own the land so it'd be different if you owned the land and you bought all those er beach huts along the prom technically you could perhaps own enough land to start building on it I don't know put a fence up or something er summer is peak harvest season for many English crops I didn't know that I don't know a lot about crops
[02:10:43] if we if AI manages to extend life to almost infinity you know so that all organs can be replaced replenished and you know that we just like could stay alive forever I'm gonna I'm gonna study um about harvests and crop growing
[02:11:13] because it does interest me but not that much I don't think I'm gonna have enough time in my life to really put too much effort into it but it's something that is I know it's it's really important but I just yeah I'd like a bit more time I'd like a bit more a bit more time added to my sentence so that I could actually um you know devote that time to studying English crops and harvest seasons
[02:11:44] the next one is strawberry picking strawberry picking became a popular summer pastime in the 20th century well did you know this this is something that you've probably never heard before I don't know who told me this but apparently strawberries ripen much quicker when it's hot the smell of cut grass is a nostalgic trigger for many Brits yeah
[02:12:14] there's definitely a certain smell isn't there connected to that cutting grass not like grass in a garden I'm talking about hmm so what have we got here hay fever known medically as allergic to rhinitis
[02:12:45] rhinoceros spikes in English summer due to pollen I think that's the same everywhere isn't it and what else has we got here bluebells bluebells finish blooming by early summer blooming bluebells finish blooming by early summer in English woodlands oh
[02:13:15] butterflies especially the red admiral and peacock are abundant in English summers that's good I love myself a bit of butterfly action that sounds wrong doesn't it I really love butterflies though they're so beautiful and moths I like moths as well to me a butterfly is just a moth it's a daytime moth and a moth is a nighttime butterfly
[02:13:46] it's the same isn't it for me just how I see it and I suppose to me a moth is like a a butterfly that's been bitten by a vampire maybe or a butterfly that's mated with a bat you know that's that'd be messy ugh the English oak releases most of its pollen in the summer
[02:14:16] oh thanks hedgehogs are more visible in summer evenings most things are more visible in summer evenings because you can see because it's lighter even the lampposts are more visible the hedges are more visible the trees are more visible the grass is more visible the the ladybirds are more visible
[02:14:44] the roller skates are more you know oh the dog's barking again so yeah it's uh hedgehogs I wish that dog would stop barking I managed to stop Vinnie from barking he did start and I said to him oh come on baby don't be doing that my little baby boy we don't want to do that
[02:15:14] we don't want to be barking do we we don't want to be barking cause you're such a good boy you are a good boy aren't you you're my favouritest little boy in the whole wide world you are my little son my little Vinnie Manilly yes you are the English oak releases most of its poly okay I've already done that one wasp season peaks in late summer particularly August
[02:15:44] brilliant summer thunderstorms help cool the air but often follow hot, humid spells well it probably wouldn't help cool the air if the air was already cool would it so it kind of has to follow a hot, humid spells it sort of makes sense I think or am I just being pedantic right historical events
[02:16:14] the Spanish Armada was defeated in the summer of 1588 ehh the great fire of London began during a dry summer of 9th of 1666 none of this is nice stuff so I'm going to just leave that it's all that wars and stuff the Queen Victoria regularly summered in the Isle of Wight that's nice
[02:16:40] food and drink eat on mess is a summer dessert originated at Eton College so is that what Eton Musk drinks? he he what eats Pim's number one cup is traditionally served with fruit and mint okay
[02:17:10] cream teas are a summer staple in Devon and Cornwall I knew that I knew that Devon Devon cream yeah cucumber sandwiches became popular as a cooling summer treat
[02:17:31] and barbecues became fashionable in English gardens in the 1980s ok barbecues became fashionable in the 1980s I was around in the 1980s so were they not popular before that? I just thought everyone I remember the early 80s I remember even the late 70s
[02:18:00] seeing barbecues oh that's interesting I just thought it was something that's been around for ages and it has now but before then yeah ice cream cones regularly gained popularity in England after WW1 rhubarb and gooseberries are commonly harvested in early summer rhubarb
[02:18:29] rhubarb is one of those I mean isn't it technically a vegetable because it's a root isn't it? but it's a fruit is it? I don't know I think it's a vegetable but anyway rhubarb is both disgusting and beautiful it's weird now it's sour and like
[02:18:57] funny face making taste if it's not done in a way that I like it I've got to talk for myself really but if it has the right amount of sugar and taste and it's in a rhubarb crumble okay the difference a rhubarb pie can be a little bit sour rhubarb crumble but it's done properly the most beautiful oh I can't even say the word I'm so excited oh
[02:19:27] honestly and with some cream or ice cream absolutely gorgeous summer puddings made with berries and bread are a traditional dessert I've got a funny story for you one of my neighbours asked me for some bread the other day and I said have you got any bread? she texted me I said yeah alright er
[02:19:57] yeah and then she said oh wait a minute I'm not allowed to have bread because I'm diabetic I said okay I've got pizza in the freezer if you want it she said oh that would be nice yeah I mean pizza is mainly bread isn't it so just that's what I was trying to da da da da da I think the can I have some bread that was the equivalent of saying oh can I have some bread and water
[02:20:27] thinking I'd say no wait a minute let me let me order you a take out yeah no I can't I'm unable to I'd like to be able to do that but I can't I can't do it lemon barley water was made famous by Wimbled Dunn summer puddings made with berries and bread okay traditional dessert berries and bread berries and bread but that's bread and butter pudding though isn't it
[02:20:56] it's saying summer puddings but bread and butter pudding bread and butter hmm jelly and ice cream remain a nostalgic summer party favourite the phrase British summer began in 1916 with daylight saving okay fair enough they changed all doing that then
[02:21:22] BBC weather forecast for summer holidays became part of family planning and the 1960s saw a surge in seaside postcard humour ah that's when it started I used to love all those because it used to just be rude didn't it lots of rude pictures last of the summer wine a sitcom ran from 1973 to 2010
[02:21:50] it's just got summer in the title that's not really relevant to what I'm talking about but this next bit is summer holiday Cliff Richard it's a Cliff Richard movie from 1963 like we're all going on a summer holiday normal working for a week or two I love that song Gavin and Stacey's Barry Island scenes became iconic summer TV moments
[02:22:18] I've got no idea what that is I know Gavin and Stacey but I don't know the moment they're talking about and they're just talking about things like Love Island, Top of the Pops the Radio One Roadshow Doctor Who summer specials just things that'd be on TV in the summer summer's probably one of the worst times on English television they just don't put a lot on TV there's a bit of sport for those that love sport
[02:22:48] Wimbledon the World Cup or the European Cup if that's on at that year so there's things like that cricket but as far as entertainment programs there's not always a huge amount on that kind of starts in Autumn oh there's got outdoor activities it's got cricket tennis of course kite flying
[02:23:18] I don't know kite flying something you need a lot of wind for a lot of wind wind bicycle sales spike every summer well we all buy things we don't use caravanning is a classic English summer tradition paddle boats on lakes became popular in the Victorian era and
[02:23:45] children's summer camps began growing in popularity post WW2 village fates with tombolas and coconut shies are summer traditions and schools out for summer signals mass family holidays starting in July so it's July the 1st today this is quite apt isn't it really for talking about
[02:24:13] what are we actually talking about what is the subject? oh summers okay we're talking about summers right oh the term staycation became popular during summers post 2008 staycation I think it got to the point where going abroad was no longer
[02:24:42] a really really cheap option as much as it used to be in the past it used to be a cheaper option and I think it just became more expensive maybe I don't know and butlins holiday camps were a summer institution from the 1930s I used to work at butlins for a season in the winter of sometime in the 90s my tummy's gurgling for some reason Cornwall and Devon
[02:25:11] have been popular summer destinations for centuries it's a beautiful coven Cornwall and Devon lovely places never been to Lake District I'd like to go there it sees a peak in visits during the summer I've never been there that'd be nice the Great British queue can be seen at every seaside chip shop in July yeah I'm not a big fan of the old queuing I'll be honest with you nah
[02:25:41] rail excursions to the coast became common in the 1800s so yeah that's because we had railway tracks then didn't we before that we had to go by horse and cart I suppose or ride on sheep caravans and motor homes often clog English roads in August
[02:26:10] I was just wondering like with horses you put a carrot in front of them so they run what would you put in front of a sheep what does sheep eat? grass so I suppose you could travel on a cow and just put like some grass a little plant or something dangling in front of it and they just follow that and try and get to the grass maybe bank holiday weekends are peak travel periods
[02:26:40] that's true it says caravans and motor homes often clog English roads in August okay but don't have a go at them it's not their fault is it? why are they having a go at people in caravans and motor homes? they don't take up a huge amount more space in cars it's like you know like the other day I went to okay I won't tell you about that but okay I was in the hospital
[02:27:10] I needed the toilet like I needed the toilet it was just a wee wee but I needed to go went to the men's toilets it and I walked past I think five disabled toilets to get to the men's toilets it was blocked off because it was being cleaned I went back there was multiple disabled toilets were empty so I went in one
[02:27:38] did my quick wee wee came out as guaranteed there was a lady there in a wheelchair waiting and the woman that was with her was looking at me like I just committed every crime in history upon her person honestly it was like really and I said I was sorry about that I just needed to go and neither of them answered me neither of them even acknowledged my existence
[02:28:08] and I honestly I was there for I was in there maybe 20 seconds half a minute so it wasn't a long time so I didn't feel great I'll be honest I mean I am registered I'm technically disabled anyway I am disabled but not just not physically and I start thinking and I'm you know a little bit inside as I'm walking out and I'm just thinking you know what
[02:28:41] okay disabled toilets they're for disabled people fair enough however in what world does anyone expect to be able to just walk up the toilet open the door and go in without queuing without waiting without someone else being in there no one does that with the men's toilets or for the women's toilets I can't believe there's someone in there why are you in there?
[02:29:11] it should be available for me just to walk in maybe I shouldn't use the word walk in but just to use the toilet without having to wait I mean firstly I have to wait it's like I mean she was sitting down waiting and why would she have to be it's just kind of like wait a minute if I was in there for hours
[02:29:41] or if I was in there doing a long long time but why should it why should that toilet be available instantly when I also need to go to the toilet it's just that's I started to think that like wait a minute I'm feeling bad here but I don't need to really because if there was a queue of people let's say abled body people
[02:30:10] queuing outside let's say there's two people queuing outside the disabled then she's within her rights to say oi bugger off this is for this is for me this is my toilet I own this toilet this toilet was built just for me and she's got a right to kind of I don't know run them over I guess in a chair if she wants but that wasn't the situation so the idea that
[02:30:39] she should be just open the door and go in and never ever have to wait to use a toilet that's not real real life is it sometimes we have to wait to use a toilet because there's other people on the planet so I felt less guilty I would have felt less guilty if I hadn't actually said that to her and then I felt more guilty
[02:31:09] but you know we live we learn sometimes but I did think about that like I needed the toilet it's either that or going to the women's toilets and these days that's frowned upon but there was only one woman's toilet there's only one men's toilet there was I think four four or five what's it named toilets because you can go in there as well
[02:31:39] if you've got a baby to change as well so you know this it's not just for disabled people and I did a quick wee wee I didn't go there and I wasn't in there knitting a jumper for Vinnie drinking a cup of coffee watching the Wimbledon tennis on my phone I wasn't in there for ages I was just there was a quick zip in there unzip
[02:32:10] and then zip up again actually there's no zipping so I was wearing what's it tracksuit bottoms it was more of a shake kind of not wanting drippage anyway that's more than you need to know so it's a little bit of shaking I'm just just you know just washing my hands hands and stuff like that and then I and I left opened the door because the thing is
[02:32:39] they were trying to open the door they kept pulling it rattling the door like anything it's not opening now it's not going to open if you keep pulling it there's clearly someone in there and seemed like quite an angry person both of them really I think seeing my lovely face didn't help when I opened the door and it's the first time I've ever felt
[02:33:08] bad for not being in a wheelchair it's like it's not my fault that I I've also got to do wee-wees can't do it in the hallway can't do it in the bin we're in a hospital it's supposed to be kind of sanitary isn't it and it's quick it's not like I had to sit down you know I didn't it's just like probably half a minute if that
[02:33:38] and they were nowhere to be seen when I went in there so I'm thinking it probably took them at least 15 seconds to get there so they were waiting for 15 seconds because that door started rattling probably 13 or 14 seconds before I'd finished so at this point I was in the shaking section of the adventure I needed to wash my hands so I washed my hands
[02:34:08] and anyway being in the hospital I might have blown my nose as well so maybe I didn't need to do that but it's always nice to get prepared for when I go outside just to make myself look nice and make sure there's no drippages and stuff and just make sure my shirt covers that area in case there is and then I walk out and I'm faced with these two angry faces it's like okay
[02:34:36] I think it's the first time ever in my life that I've been caught and the weird thing about it right is I think two days earlier or now I remember it was last week I went to use the toilet and the cleaner said I'll just use the disabled ones when these are closed you just have to use the disabled ones and everyone going in there
[02:35:06] was just every people including nurses, doctors, just anyone going in there and using them because there's four empty toilets or five empty toilets not just going to leave walk the other side of the hospital because this is right near the exit of the building or the entrance to the building exit and entrance yeah this is I mean I I tell you
[02:35:39] Sand in your sandwiches is an unavoidable unavoidable British beach memory and donkeys on the beach are an English summer tradition British people rush to the garden at the first sight of sun I think you're getting a little bit caught up in British people every single person in England they see some sun and they rush into the garden
[02:36:09] I'm not sure if that's true socks and sandals are an infamous English summer fashion Foo Par or Fox Pass I don't I don't think there's anything wrong with having socks what I think is discovered the little old fly again
[02:36:40] Pubs spill out on pavements every summer evening that can happen definitely can happen I remember there was a pub in London just near where the comedy club that I used to be regularly at and it would be jam-packed and this is a little road that went all the way down but the people would stand outside the pub
[02:37:08] and there'd be hundreds of people outside I'm talking a lot of people and I went in the pub once I thought it's got to be a big pub if all those people are inside then they come outside in the summer it wasn't big inside at all they just had more people visiting in the summer and it wasn't locals because it wasn't it was in the middle of
[02:37:37] the city centre the financial place near Liverpool Street so that wasn't a particularly residential place it was the city it was the financial district although Canary Wharf also was but there wasn't a lot going on at the weekend generally especially during the day super busy during the week in the daytime sometimes on a Saturday morning you'd see hardly anyone
[02:38:09] people moan when it's cold and they moan when it's too hot yeah I'm sure that's not just an English thing it's called moaning although I imagine English people did invent it to be fair fans sell out in shops every time there's a mini heatwave yeah we're very
[02:38:39] it's very short term in this country it's yeah it is if you if the government right if there was suddenly a huge amount of bread too much bread's been made and you know I mean millions and millions and millions of pounds worth of bread over made and all the bakeries got together and said look what we're going to do
[02:39:09] because we're going to lose millions of pounds over the next two days because we're never going to sell all this bread that we've accidentally made and they went to the government and told them and the government put out a warning saying bread shortage every every single shop would sell out of bread within a few hours there'd be no bread left so it's quite clever the way it works
[02:39:40] water fights with hose pipes or balloons or a childhood staple I tell you what me and my two brother my two older brothers used to do there was this pond where used to have like a boat rides in that down near the beach so we used to have buckets and we'd fill the buckets up and just pour water over each other and sometimes we'd do it in the summer it was great
[02:40:09] paddling pools and ice lollies make even the simplest summer day feel magical yeah I suppose it's something I don't really do because I don't have a paddling pool and I've got a kind of share a garden with the other people that live in this area so it's a communal garden and it's not really a place to put a paddling pool really although I did I did think about
[02:40:39] doing something like that for this little one I thought it might be nice but it's a lot of water isn't it? to be fair and I don't know if he'd even want to do it because he doesn't like baths he avoids puddles it'll drink out of puddles but he doesn't he won't walk in a puddle so I'm wondering whether or not he'd even want to get into the paddling pool would you? would you get in the paddling pool? would you be a good girl and get in the paddling pool
[02:41:09] with your Aunty JJ? would you? that I do believe is everything I managed to get through all hundred pretty much I missed out a couple that were like but yeah most of them are done so I want to say thank you for listening and I am going to do a Q&A Friday this week so maybe
[02:41:40] I'll put up I'll probably post something on Wednesday tomorrow asking for questions on my Jason Newlands boring group on Facebook so thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy lots of love bye
[02:42:02] not just allow you to feel calmer
[02:42:32] now throughout the time we spend together here not just relaxed at the end of the recording when it's finished you can enjoy that sense of comfort and peace but also
[02:43:00] I think it would be nice to have those feelings of relaxation continue for longer
[02:43:28] after the recording is ended so that you can still benefit from listening to my voice maybe in a few hours time
[02:43:49] by listening regularly especially if you find like some people do and myself as well sometimes I find one particular recording that really resonates with me
[02:44:17] and I just listened to it over and over again every morning every evening there was this recording from going back to about 1999 it was a it wasn't hypnosis
[02:44:44] but it was a guided visualisation so it kind of was hypnosis really I managed to find it again and it still has the same effect on me and part of it was the person's voice
[02:45:08] just felt so peaceful and I'd look forward to listening to her in the morning and in the evening before even
[02:45:37] pressing the play button that as soon as I've done that press the play button this was in the days of CD players press the play button in fact it might have even been a tape tape recorder
[02:46:07] I'd lie down on the bed and then even without necessarily listening to her words I was summarised really it was as if my body
[02:46:37] knew exactly what to do the muscles just almost went into automatic relaxation
[02:46:55] I remember my mind would slow down I was listening to this recording
[02:47:22] in the early days of learning hypnosis and long before I ever made any videos or audio recordings myself because I didn't start doing that until 2006
[02:47:44] the person I'm listening to
[02:48:18] and that it's going to be just as relaxing if not more so each time you hear my voice you may feel the same
[02:48:44] people have been listening to me for over a decade if you're not solidly obviously not 24 hours a day
[02:49:10] maybe people come back and people maybe listen everyday and something that I do which you may not realise by listening
[02:49:49] record these recordings also so if I
[02:50:20] focus on your feet notice your feet relaxing I will be focusing on my feet
[02:50:31] focus on your hands and maybe notice the difference
[02:51:00] between each hand notice the air in the room the temperature of the room you may start to notice
[02:51:27] what almost feels like a very light breeze even though there may not be any type of breeze at all where you are right now and as you become aware of
[02:52:00] also aware to
[02:52:32] potentially which may be the reason you're listening also notice
[02:53:01] I've actually fallen asleep
[02:53:20] I hear snoring
[02:53:51] and I think I don't remember snoring when I was a pig and I snore into the
[02:54:18] whole experience
[02:55:31] easier your breathing becomes muscle relaxation this allows you
[02:56:13] necessarily focusing on your breath or to notice
[02:56:34] so very easily
[02:57:16] and
[02:57:58] improving visualize a beautiful field flowers
[02:58:26] producing all that life giving oxygen
[02:58:58] feels nice to if nothing else just taking some time
[02:59:38] enjoying this moment
[03:01:47] to say that
[03:02:33] because nothing requires your attention
[03:03:29] enjoy the physical sensations
[03:03:54] in the stress part of your body
[03:04:04] pleasant feelings in your arms
[03:06:41] shoulders part of your body
[03:07:03] the feelings in your wrists
[03:08:43] muscles front of your body also
[03:09:00] as a sense of peace
[03:09:43] focus on your mind
[03:10:28] very slow
[03:11:52] exhale relax
[03:13:09] millions of messages
[03:14:12] everyday
[03:15:42] spreading those signals down your spinal cord your shins and your calf muscles
[03:16:11] and tranquility
[03:17:05] spreading through your body tips of your toes
[03:17:15] join a sense of
[03:20:08] letting go
[03:23:04] very letting go
[03:25:01] maybe we can just focus on the different parts of your body
[03:25:10] just to notice your forehead and your eyes
[03:26:43] to send a sense of freedom
[03:28:52] peace just to breathe
[03:31:16] in the direction blissful peace
[03:33:36] letting go invisible
[03:35:18] and you could start
[03:36:55] to notice that you are feeling more relaxed even though even though I've not purposely focused your mind upon that sense of physical comfort that is growing within you throughout your body
[03:37:27] starts to slow down almost in recognition of I guess my speech not being particularly generally
[03:38:00] just by listening to my voice you give yourself an opportunity to take a break from the day your life as it is and to give yourself a rest giving yourself permission
[03:38:30] to take some time off and to allow your body to relax and allow which in turn releases the tension any stresses that you had in your body
[03:38:55] it's almost as if the parts of your body just open up the negativity out and at the same time replacing that negativity with positive healing energy
[03:39:25] which then fills your body up and your mind too also appreciates those feelings of increasing confidence and almost uplifting
[03:39:54] feeling positive and energy that spreads through your body like a wave and all this comes from just
[03:40:22] on yourself to be just almost
[03:40:51] reset to the settings of comfort which allows more room for feelings of pleasure
[03:41:18] to be as if your mind and your body are sinking together
[03:41:39] and it feels nice really does feel nice that you
[03:42:07] are the one that has allowed yourself to feel more
[03:42:16] and as I focus
[03:42:44] notice that just by focusing on it
[03:43:06] I move down your body starting that you've already focused on
[03:43:34] or can get focused on or just automatically in anticipation of even more
[03:44:13] by focusing on your forehead like Mr. Herbert the pigeon just allow you to feel even more and this you're in the moment
[03:44:42] this isn't this isn't a sterile involves around focus on your forehead
[03:45:09] to your eyes
[03:45:45] feel so heavy so light muscles around your eyes relaxing completely
[03:46:02] sides of your face
[03:46:50] front of your neck
[03:47:27] and your throat
[03:47:28] letting go
[03:48:17] of any tension
[03:48:53] moving either side of your spine and the top of your back bottom of your back as you move up
[03:49:27] you can feel the muscles either side of your spine and as those muscles relax
[03:50:36] also seem to just almost do things to be an extra special feel
[03:51:33] and all those muscles
[03:51:34] that focus on your shoulders
[03:52:36] notice that they're already
[03:53:15] those muscles
[03:53:16] the feeling
[03:54:00] in your shoulders seems to spread deep into your shoulders relaxation not just
[03:54:19] as if your arms
[03:55:44] are not even there you
